The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam_Joe_-_09_00_8_6_2025_Virgin

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Good morning.

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You're up to date, I'm Matt Hutchinson.

Hello, I'm Adam Buxton.

Hey, I'm Joe Cornish.

And we are going to be here filling in for Tom Allen for the next three hours here on Virgin Radio.

Very excited to be here.

Very exciting.

I'm just a guest.

Joe's just a guest.

Yeah.

That's Joe's way of saying that he hasn't done any prep.

I'm just a guest Adam said would I would I come and help him out.

So I'm a I'm a loyal friend and Especially because today is it your birthday today knows my birthday yesterday, but you're you're still in the birthday afterglow Oh, yeah, look at me.

I'm all birthday up now that I have my bus pass and Cuz I'm a pension

No, I'm not really a pensioner now.

It's sort of too true to be funny.

It's true, isn't it?

When is pension age?

Sixty?

Five?

I don't know.

Well, it's not far away.

Anyway, look, I've lined up some amazing tunes.

I've plundered the Virgin playlist and I've also introduced a few random selections, my own choices, and we're going to kick off

with one of a number of 80s classics.

This is my favorite kind of music, Jay Korn.

I love 80s music.

Early 80s, The Sweet Spot, 1980, 81.

Love it.

82.

I love it.

Even though I'm just a guest, I love it.

But this one is from 1981, and it's one of my favorite types of songs, upbeat, synth-driven pop that addresses serious themes like teen pregnancy, running away, and breaking from social norms.

Who do you think it is?

I don't know.

You probably think it's Bronski Beat.

Is it Bronski Beat?

No, it's not.

It's Rod Stewart.

This is home with a dollar in his pocket and a head from his reach He said, somehow, someway, it's gotta get better than this The party pack of bags left a note for her mama, she was just 17 Yeah, the tears in her eyes, then she kissed her little sister, goodbye They held each other tight as they drove them through the night They were so excited

Because life is so brief And time is a thief When you're undecided And like a fist full of sand You can slip right through your hands

And I'll never change your point of view.

Paradise was closed, so they headed for the coast in the best way.

They took it to a ruined apartment that was jumping everywhere.

The coveness was found in each other's arms, as it spread day.

Billy Dizzy's ears drove a pickup like a lunatic.

I won't let them ever change your point of view

Go back home to Patty's parents, try to explain Except we're both real sorry that it had to turn out this way But there ain't no point in talking when there's nobody less than so we just ran away Patty gave birth to a ten pound baby boy, yeah Your heart's beat free tonight

Stop breaking social norms, says Rod.

That's the message of that song.

That was exciting, I liked it.

I didn't know that song.

Young Turks.

I love that one.

What does that mean?

It's, you know, adolescence from Turkey.

Right, young people who live in Turkey.

Yeah, it's mainly aimed at them.

Well, that's probably why I didn't really get it.

I don't, I'm not, I'm kind of new to Rod Stewart.

I don't really know any Rod Stewart.

Do you think I'm sexy?

And do you want my body?

Stop changing the subject.

It's a classic.

I don't know much about Rod Stewart.

No.

Well, he's a very rocky man.

And you know, you don't love rock.

I always thought he was aimed at grannies.

By the British military.

Not from the beginning.

By the British military they aim him at foreign grannies at times of war.

To begin with he was aimed at, you know, everyone.

He's based in a military base in Hawaii.

And now why do they want to get rid of the grannies?

Just to distract them so they can't knit woolly hats for the soldiers.

I think grannies are the least of everybody's problems.

True.

Anyway, listen, man, I am very pleased you're here.

It's good to see you.

I don't see enough of you these days.

Listeners, in case you're wondering who we are, we're from the 90s.

We used to have a TV show called The Adam and Joe Show on Channel 4 back in the day.

And now we occupy the podcast space more often.

Yeah, we're a bit like Dick and Dom's parents.

That's right.

We bought the bungalow.

Yeah and Just to get them out of the house because they they were staying at home.

They were too old to still be living at home So we bought them the bungalow and moved them in there

And now we well you are working in the Dream Factory.

That's where you were.

That's right.

Yeah.

And what are you doing.

Am I allowed to ask you about what you're currently working on in the Dream Factory.

Well Adams Adams referring to the fact that I've made a couple of films and sort of working in the film biz.

But you know yeah I'm working on a bunch of stuff but I don't really like to talk about it because it makes me sound and feel important.

if I don't talk about it.

It's slightly that, and it's also more that if I do say things, then people just ask me about it the whole time.

Right, okay.

You want to keep it mysterious.

Yeah, I want to keep it mysterious until it's actually real, because then it's embarrassing if it doesn't happen, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, but it does make me slightly think that you're lying.

You're not doing anything, you're just at home playing video games.

Well, I'm excited about the Switch 2.

What's happening on the Switch 2?

It's just come out.

What's good about it?

It's new.

Listen, I thought though that I could interview you in a way that doesn't put you on the spot.

You don't actually have to give me any answers, but I'll interview you in the style of a film star that has a podcast.

Oh, I like the sound of that.

I'll do that style of interview.

Love it.

so joe your movies have got so much inventive flair and visual style but also there's you know there's like some quirky humor in there too and it's like the visual part is so incredible when it's on in the in the in the film and when you're watching it and you're going whoa look at this it's so impactful and exciting and sometimes beautiful mysterious but there's also humor that can really make you laugh out loud but other times it's just this you know it was

things running underneath and on top of what is happening in the visuals so cleverly done I mean you're a genius you're genius at doing this but what so what I want to ask I suppose is like is that are you aware of the effect of the what you're doing or is that like does it come out of an area different like area

Are you being... I feel like I'm on the podcast Smartless.

Are you being Jason Bateman or Sean Hayes?

You're not being Will Arnett.

No, I've never listened to Smartless.

They ask questions like that.

Do they?

The podcasts I'm thinking of, they don't like to ask... I mean, I do this sometimes on my podcast.

Rather than asking a specific question, you just say words for about five minutes and then... Yeah, you try and find the question as you speak.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's okay.

Fair enough.

Shall we have some more music?

Yes.

Oh, cheekbones, jeans, ruffly hair, that's what I'm thinking about now.

Yes.

Does he play, does he strum with his cheekbones?

Julian Casablancas.

Does he get that really sort of edgy, hard-cutting strum sound?

Yeah.

Does he?

Yeah, that's what they were famous for, the strums.

Really?

Definitely.

Hey, this is Adam and Joe, very happy to be here on Virgin Radio.

Yes we are.

Hello, I'm Joe.

We're not used to being on the radio to be honest with you.

We haven't been on for a while.

We haven't been on for ages.

I'm just Adam's guest.

Yeah, I'm running this show, Adam Buxton here running things, and my guest today is filmmaker Joe Cornish.

Yeah, Adam asked me to come in and help him out, so I have.

And it's fun.

Alright, intro this next piece of music.

Okay, this next piece of music is by a band that you know quite well.

I mean, we both know them quite well.

You know them better than I do though, because you went on the road with them, didn't you?

We had all sorts of crazy fun together at the end of the 90s.

You're close pals, you're closest pals with Doogie, right?

Dougie Payne.

Can't I call him Doogie?

I mean, it makes people think of Doogie Howser.

I thought more Dougal from the Magic Roundabout.

He's lovely.

They're all lovely Scottish men.

They've had a new album out recently, haven't they, Travis?

And you appeared in one of their videos, isn't that right?

I think I did.

I think my mouth appeared on a fly in the video for their song Bus Stop.

Anyway, that's not the one we're going to play.

We're going to go all the way back to the beginning.

This might even be the first track on their first album.

Good feeling.

And it's one of my favourites.

All I want to do is rock.

Do you have the time to stop?

If this was any other day, I'd turn and walk the other way.

Today, I'll stay, not walk away.

Hey, I'm a fool without a sock, without you.

Now what?

That's Travis with All I Want To Do Is Rock.

This is Adam and Jo here on Virgin Radio.

How do you feel about travel?

news.

Well it's important if you're traveling somewhere or you want to avoid jams or broken trains or stuff like that.

It's very useful, very useful, super useful.

You used to do it.

What?

Travel news?

You used to do your first job in radio Alan Buxton was as a travel reporter.

Right, good segue.

On a little electric bicycle.

Great segue from my guest Joe Cornish.

In Cheltenham where I was studying sculpture I got a job at a local radio station.

But I'll have you know listeners that Adam used to cheat.

He would deceive the listeners by simply parking his bike in a convenient shady byway and then listening to a different radio station's traffic reports.

I think I used to listen to Danny Baker on Five Live.

Jotting them

down, then reading them out as if they were his own discoveries.

Is that right?

That's true.

I was supposed to be the local travel reporter on a Sinclair Zike, an electric powered bike back in the day and early 90s.

I think all travel reporters do that.

I think the vast majority of travel reporters are sitting at home in their knickknocks with some sound effects, just reading off the internet, off Waze.

So that's massively disrespectful to the person who's going to be giving us the traffic news right now.

In East Yorkshire, heading into Hull City Centre, the A63 Clive Sullivan Way is closed at the Madeley Street Junction and in Shropshire there are still long delays on all the approaches to RAF Cosford for the airshow today, particularly on the M54 Westbound approaching Junction 3, both ways on the A41 Newport Road and to the south of Albrighton on the A464.

I'm Michael Page.

Tell your smart speaker to play Virgin Radio.

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This is Virgin Radio

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I'm always up before the nerds and the kids.

Good thing Costa Express is always up too.

Early starts are easier with great coffee.

And if I grab one for Bob, I might even get some decent company.

Large cappuccino for the bloke who's half asleep.

Oh, you legend.

Now that's a proper coffee.

You should kick in Justin Sampheus to remember which end of the screwdriver to use.

Dreams are made of this Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world and the seven seas Everybody's looking for something Some of them want to use you Some of them want to get used by you Some of them want to abuse you Some of them want to be abused

Travel the world and the seven seas Everybody's looking for something

some of them

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world and the seven seas Everybody is looking for something Sweet dreams are made of these Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world and the seven seas Everybody is looking for something

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Everybody is looking for something.

Sweet dreams are made of this.

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Virgin Radio

Make a little birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul

I have a secret to tell From my electrical well It's a simple message And I'm leaving out the whistles and bells So the room must listen to me Filibuster vigilantly My name is Luke and Harry One note spelled L-I-T-E

Make a little birdhouse Your soul not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse

I'm actually your friend, but I am There's a picture opposite me Of my primitive ancestry Which stood on rocky shores And kept the beach's shipwreck free Though I respect that a lot I'd be fired if that were my job After killing Jason off And countless screaming Argonauts

It's always me here Luke and Harry in the alley by the light switch Who watches over you?

Make a little birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet Make a little birdhouse in your soul While you're at it Leave the night light on inside The birdhouse in your soul Not to put too fine a point on it Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet

Not to put you fine upon it.

Say, I'm the only bee in your bonnet.

Make a little bird-ass in your soul.

While you're at it, leave the spotlight on inside the bird-ass in your soul.

Not to put you fine upon it.

Say, I'm the only bee in your bonnet.

They might be giants.

I used to love those guys.

I still do love them.

Do you?

But I thought they were the tops when I first got to hear them at the end of the 80s.

I thought they were very cerebral and quirky.

Did you now?

Yeah.

Yes.

But I know a lot of people find them insufferable.

Yeah.

Well, my mum said, if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything.

I think they're amazing.

They're really fantastic.

And I love that song.

That came from an album called Flood, which I really recommend if you like that kind of music listeners and you're not familiar with that.

I went to see them play at the Town and Country Club in Kentish Town in 1990, supporting that album.

And I thought it was a great gig.

And then the next day I read a review in Time Out magazine.

They didn't like it.

Okay, more rock, cerebral rock geniuses now.

That's my favorite genre, I suppose.

Well it reflects well on you, doesn't it?

Yeah, that's what I'm like.

Is it?

You know what, later on, maybe I'll play you my new single, Jacorn.

Oh my gosh.

Have you heard it?

No!

It's a real single.

Is it?

We've had a single before though, haven't we?

Sure, us, Adam and Joe.

We used to do fun songs.

I can't believe you've gone solo!

Well, you haven't heard it yet.

Later on, I'm going to play my song Pizza Time for you.

Pizza Time?

Yeah.

And you've never heard it.

You will be able to hear Joe's reaction, listeners.

You will hear the threat in his voice or the sound of him being threatened.

Yes.

As he hears an extraordinary piece of musical work from Buckles on Virgin Radio.

What a way to change an evening Was my number hard to find You know I'd given up belief

But the song had somewhat lingered on my mind It went la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Something, something, Caroline Caroline, you're like an ember

A rock that bursts back into life A song I only just remember That goes oh, something something Caroline La la la la la la la la la

Something, something, Caroline Caroline, you're old now I got married and I loved my wife I have kids, they're good and grown now All in all, I've been happy with my life

I was never really far from you Was I something, something Caroline?

I'd like you not to call again I'd like to keep you off my mind

You're the one who went away, Caroline So the song was forgotten over time It went la la la la la la la la la la la la Something something, Caroline La la la la la la la la la la la

Hey, this is Adam Buxton.

This is Joe Cornish.

And we're here on Virgin Radio.

It just starts with noodling, doesn't it?

Most song composition starts with a little bit of noodling, a little bit of jamming.

Yeah.

That's very much how Sheryl Crow writes her songs.

She just has a big bowl of noodles.

And then out they pop.

And then what she does for the lyrics is she gets a book of poetry and then just does the words from that.

That's how she did this one.

Not even that.

She gets her noodles.

She drops them on the floor and sees approximately what letters they spell.

And that's how the lyrics are formed.

That's how she wrote this one.

This ain't no disco.

It ain't no country club either.

This is L.A.

you.

And Billy likes to peel the labels from his bottles of bud He shreds them on the bar Then he lights every match in an oversized pack Letting each one burn Down to his thick fingers Before blowing and cursing them out He's watching the bottles of bud As they spin on the floor And a happy couple enters the bar

Dangerously close to one another The bartender looks up from his one ass But all I want to do is have some fun I got a feeling I'm not the only one All I want to do is have some fun I got a feeling I'm not the only one All I want to do is have some fun Until the sun comes up close and I'm

Otherwise the bar is ours The day and the night and the car wash too The matches and the buds and the clean and dirty cars

I think she should be allowed to have some fun.

Yeah, just a little bit.

Yeah, some.

I'm not saying all the fun.

Have a bit.

But don't go nuts.

That was Sheryl Crow.

And my name's Adam Buxton.

My name's Joe Cornish.

We're very pleased to be here.

Guest presenting for the mighty Tom Allen on Virgin Radio.

This is Virgin Radio.

Sunday mornings on Virgin Radio with TK Maxx and Latitude Festival.

Big labels at small prices at TK Maxx.

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The relentless buzz of drones, punctuated by warplanes and sirens.

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Thank you.

So close your eyes.

Picture the scene.

Just you and me alone, enjoying breakfast on our own little island.

Sounds perfect, right?

Uh, yeah.

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I would like to leave this city, this old town don't smell too pretty and I can feel the warning signs running around my

Leave them silent I put myself into a soul in silence Cos I can feel the warning signs Running around my mind So here I go Still scratching around in the same old home My body feels young but my mind

So what do you say?

You can't give me the dreams of your mind anyway Half the world away Half the world away Half the world away I've been lost, I've been found, but I don't feel found

And when I leave this planet You know I'd stay, but I just can't stand it And I can feel the warning signs Running around my mind And if I

Find me a mole and I'll live it down I can feel the warning signs running around my mind Here I go, I'm still scratching around in the same old hole

So what do you say?

You can't give me the dreams of the mind anyway You're half the world away Half the world away Half the world away I've been lost, I've been found But I don't feel down No, I don't feel down

No, I don't feel bad

This is Adam Buxton.

This is Joe Cornish.

And we are here filling in for Tom Allen on Virgin Radio.

Thanks for listening.

Love it.

I love that song.

That is good.

I had the 12-inch of that.

Quite right.

You should have all the inches of that one.

That was produced by Steve Jolley and Tony Swain.

Imagination, of course, was the band.

But what an amazing bit of production.

And what incredible, beautiful, soaring falsetto vocals from Lee John.

Yeah, I can't help picture him dancing and writhing around on top of the pops to that one.

What a mover he was.

He was in our TV show.

He was.

Lovely man.

he did a thing where he played an expert of the 1980s which he is yes what a generous kind and talented man he said things like mega wicked flipping ek tucker and hello peeps which we told him were authentic 80s phrases and he was what you call a sport he was a sport lovely man this is adam and joe here on virgin radio

Under pressure Pushing down on me Pushing down on you No man ask for Under pressure That brings the feeling down Switch the feeling down

Tomorrow gets me higher Measure my heat on people on the streets Tippin' around, my brain's on the floor Things like the days, it never ends, but it

My friend is screaming, let me out No, no, let me hide, hide I tried to keep all the people on the streets Turned away from it all like a blind man Sad offense, but I don't want it Keep coming up with love, but it's so slashed and torn Why, why, why

When sanity laughs and depression we're breaking Can we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love?

There are more chances Why can't we give love, give love?

I dare you to change our way of caring about ourselves This is our last dance This is our last dance This is ourselves Under pressure Under pressure

It's like a story of love Can you hear me?

Came back only yesterday Moving farther away Won't you hear me?

All I needed was the love you gave All I needed for another day

When it's only

It was a love you gave

Hi, it's Alexa.

When I'm in the mood for some totally awesome 80s music, there's only one choice.

Play Virgin Radio 80s Plus.

Songs like this.

So when you need your 80s fix, just say, Alexa, play Virgin Radio 80s Plus.

Sunday mornings on Virgin Radio with TK Maxx and Latitude Festival.

Serious savings on summer ready styles.

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As you firm yourself with the menu, you ponder why you went for the vindaloo.

Every wave of the specials ruffles the delicate ruffles of your red ruffled top.

And as water runs down your chin, the waitress stares on.

She just can't take her eyes off you.

The masterpiece in the flowing scarlet skirt.

Enjoying your meal?

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Whatever happens, style it out.

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Good morning.

The Science and Technology Secretary Peter Kyle says he wants the UK to be a global destination for talent.

It's after the government earmarked £86 billion for the science sector.

Nigel Farage says he's thrilled to have Zaya Yousif back in Reform UK just two days after he walked away from the party.

Its former chairman will now lead a waste-busting team inspired by Elon Musk.

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And EastEnders actor Jamie Borthwick has been suspended by the BBC.

It's after a video emerged of him using a disabled slur to describe the people of Blackpool.

You're up to date, I'm Matt Hutchinson.

I'm Joe Cornish and you're listening to Virgin Radio.

Very nice to be here.

We're not used to being on the radio.

We used to be on the radio back in the day.

Yeah, yeah, we're a little bit rusty and cranky.

In fact, that's our new double-act known, rusty and cranky, and we're appearing at Pondins this summer.

Which one's rusty and which one's cranky?

Which do you want to be?

I want to be rusty.

Do you?

Why?

Oh, he sounds a bit more tough.

All right, I'm cranky, then I can just be annoyed all the time.

Yeah, that sounds good.

And that'll make life easier.

All right.

Now, look, find young cannibals.

The thing about this one, right?

We're going to play She Drives Me Crazy.

I love this song.

The snare sound on this one divides people, Joe.

Right.

To me, it's the sound of a wonderful summer in the mid 80s when I was a, you know, carefree adolescent.

So I like it.

But looking it up online, I noticed that there was a lot of people ranting about it in the comments section.

Not really.

Yeah, some people really hate the snare sound on this one.

That's what people get upset about on the internet, Joe.

The internet's a very sensible place where people spend their time in a useful and constructive way.

You can get into a row over anything.

Can you?

Yeah.

Like, what's your favorite color?

Mmm, purples.

Purbles?

You'd see that would wind people up, wouldn't it?

That's one of the new colors.

The stupidest colors.

That's one of the new colours!

Is it?

Yeah, didn't you see they've invented some new colours?

No.

Yeah, I read that on the internet.

I didn't get the memo.

Yeah.

Damn it.

Purple.

But if I had found out about purple.

I swear you're laughing now.

But if you saw purple, you'd get your whole house painted purple.

Yeah.

And now I'm going to get cancelled because there's going to be some reason I haven't anticipated why it's not cool to laugh at purple.

I'll put purple into the internet.

Hang on.

How do you think it's spelt?

P-U-R-P-L-E.

Yes.

Purple.

Oh God.

Adam and Joe laughing at purple today on Virgin Radio.

That's actually a computer game.

SMH made me sick.

You know, I know what they mean about the snare sound.

It sounds like a tennis match.

It sounds like the final moments of a Wimbledon grand slam with a Roland gift, maybe dodging the balls.

And maybe he's playing Larry Blackmon from Cameo.

Yes.

Because Cameo originally sort of came up with a similar sound a few years before, right?

For Word Up.

So maybe that game is them whacking the snare sound between the two of them.

Gift versus Blackmon.

It's the gift that keeps giving.

Speaking of gifts and giving, this is good segue.

It's a great segue.

By the way, this is Adam and Joe on Virgin Radio.

Thanks for joining us.

I'm just Adam's guest.

He's filling in here.

It's my fault.

And I am very excited though now to be able to give you an amazing present, Joe.

This is very generous because it was your birthday yesterday, and I didn't give you anything, yet you're giving me a book.

Yeah, I'm giving you a book.

Look at this, it's your own book.

Adam Buxton's new part two of your, what do you call this, autobiography.

It's a memoir.

A memoir.

What's the difference?

I think an autobiography would be more like a forensic, it would be more better, but it would be more like an account of an eventful and important life, whereas a memoir is more like a series of relatively disconnected... I love the title, I love you, bye!

That's a clever title.

Yeah, who came up with that?

Who did think of that?

Well, originally it was going to be called Ramble Book 2.

My first book was called Ramble Book.

And then Jay Corn, sitting opposite me.

I thought of it.

I'm being self-congratulatory.

Look at this.

You should call it I Love You Bye-ee, which is how I sign off my podcasts.

Listeners, it's been signed in a very beautiful pink pen against black.

And Adam stuck a little Polaroid of Adam and I next to an ice cream van from a photo shoot we did years ago.

Oh, and the Polaroid's got a secret message under it.

With thanks and love and totties.

Adam.

One kiss.

That's very kind of you.

Thank you very much.

It's lovely to have that.

Look at that.

It's got pictures.

It's got like shiny, a shiny... Did your other book have that?

Like full colour pictures?

Yeah, the hardback thing.

Like a movie novelisation.

Yeah.

This is good radio, I think, isn't it?

Like describing my book.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it's good.

People say that's the sort of thing you're supposed to do on radio.

You're supposed to be like painting pictures with words.

This is Adam and Joe on Virgin Radio.

By a jumbo jet It wasn't easy But nothing is, no When I'm feeling the metal I'm feeling the metal When I'm lying on the edge

It's not my problem It's not my problem

Oh blimey!

That's Blur with song two and this is Adam and Joe here on Virgin Radio.

Do you remember what my dad had to say about that song?

Yeah he wasn't impressed was he?

He didn't like it.

He thought it was gratuitously violent.

He took the lyrics quite literally.

He really did and he wasn't impressed by the video either.

That's one of the all time great videos directed by Sophie Muller the band bouncing off the walls literally.

And the reason we're talking about Adam's dad is because on our TV show back in the 90s Adam's dad Nigel used to go into character as bad dad and he would review pop culture of the time from the perspective of a man who was in his early 70s early 70s.

Yeah not necessarily massively in touch.

No he was also in every sense a kind of well he was literally a conservative man.

A curmudgeon.

A curmudgeonly conservative patriarch who thought, I mean he was most wound up by Blur, I have to say, if I recall.

There was lots of people he didn't like, but Blur really pressed his buttons.

This is what he said about song two.

I really hate this video.

Seems to be a celebration.

of violence, a celebration of ugliness, a celebration of barbaric behavior towards other people.

It is mindless to announce that your head's been almost shaved by a jumbo jet and that as a consequence you're feeling a bit heavy metal.

The whole amusement as far as he's concerned of that is it's very daring of him

to come near to being decapitated by a jumbo jet which is flying where it ought not to be so what he didn't really think that did he yeah i think he did he but he understood stuff like poetry and metaphor and similes and analogies not when it's coming from we do maybe

Yeah, but not when it's coming from Damon Albran.

No, sticking his mug in a lens.

And gurning.

Yeah.

Then all bets were off as far as my part was concerned.

You know, the older I get, the more I'm starting to agree with him.

There you go.

Okay, we're going to hand over right now to Tom Allen, for whom we are filling in.

And Tom has some news for us, don't you Tom?

Well, thanks Adam.

The joke's on you with TK Maxx and Latitude Festival.

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Virgin Radio.

Now, the TK Maxx comedy stage at the Latitude Festival is one of the most prestigious gigs for any comedian.

I've actually done it a number of times, no big deal.

Anyway, this year, Greg Davies and Bridget Christie are headlining and you could be sharing the stage with them.

All I need you to do is send me your best joke, preferably as a voice note, so I can judge your delivery.

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it's a unique opportunity all thanks to Latitude Festival and TK Maxx so your best joke and your best delivery of it please on a voice note send it to me between now and the end of the show on plus four four triple three double oh triple three double oh

I can't see anyone but you

Are the stars out tonight?

I don't know if it's cloudy or bright

I know

You are here and so am I Maybe millions of people go by

And I...

You know, I often think that could be the best pop song ever recorded.

The Flamingos, I only have eyes for you.

Because it's incredibly catchy, but it's also weirdly sinister and it's really avant-garde and timeless and odd, isn't it?

Beautifully produced.

It's so good.

Dreamlike.

But listen, folks, this is Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish here on Virgin Radio.

Can I tell you something about when we were at school together?

And you know your name, people would call you Ads.

Yeah.

um i thought that lended you lent you a sort of exciting contemporary commercial patina because it was like you were adverts you were as pithy exciting and fun as an advert break ads here comes ads here come the ads woohoo and it was spelt a d z wasn't it yeah so why don't we have some go on then

Virgin Radio.

Travel.

In Trumpshire, there are still delays for traffic heading towards the RAF Cosford airfield for the airshow today, particularly the A41 Newport Road.

Not looking quite so bad now on the M54.

And in Warwickshaw, traffic's being held on the northbound side of the M6 because of a vehicle fire between Junction 3 for Nuneaton and Junction 4 for the M42 at Coleshill.

I'm Michael Page.

Tell your smart speaker to play Virgin Radio.

This is Virgin Radio.

Ah, how relaxing was that yoga session?

I feel so free.

Speak for yourself.

I can never let go.

Bloody leaks.

I know, right?

I'm so done compromising.

I got a new bit of yoga kit.

Always discreet pads.

Here, try for yourself next week.

Love you lots, but this thin pad won't keep up with my heavy leaks.

Just trust me on this one.

So, all zen and liberated, are we?

Let's just say I found my flow.

Always discreet.

Live with no compromise.

It's Virgin Radio.

Sunday mornings on Virgin Radio with TK Maxx and Latitude Festival.

Headline worthy looks for less at TK Maxx.

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The Chris Evans Breakfast Show with the National Lottery on Virgin Radio.

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Bye!

Just trying to find me A bliss smile that I can get into It's true, I must without you Another lonely part another sudden

I keep it to myself I don't want nobody else To see me cry and all the tears in my eyes

Hey, it seems to slip out

Virgin Radio

You are the things I've got

This is Adam and Joe, here on Virgin Radio.

Who are Adam and Joe?

I find them annoying.

I find them so smart.

I'm used to hearing Tom in this slot, now these two... Tom's a nice guy.

I mean, who are they?

They're a couple of old guys from the 90s.

From the 90s?

They're all weird and old.

I mean, what did they ever do?

You know what we used to do, listeners, seriously, is a DIY TV show.

And when I wrote about it in my book... Hang on, people are going to think we're just fixing tables.

Well, exactly.

That's the thing.

I googled the phrase DIY TV because I claimed in my book that we were pioneers of the genre.

That's Tommy Walsh!

And then all I got was hits for handy-andy Exactly.

So anyway, we did a DIY show in the 90s on TV about fixing tables We made our show was DIY to the extent that we made it ourselves on video cameras and the other day I was watching a documentary about Tom Green.

Oh, it's a good documentary that yeah, that was he made that talk

himself and there's lots of amazing footage and he was sort of an American analog of us in a way, except he was much more... Well he was before us, wasn't he?

A little bit before us.

And he was very prolific.

Watching that documentary I didn't realise quite how much stuff he did.

He was very little bit penetrated over here, didn't it?

It's good.

Do you remember Tom Green listeners?

He was an American prankster man in the 90s.

He ended up marrying Drew Barrymore for a time.

He had surgery for testicular cancer just after he married Drew Barrymore.

This is all in the documentary.

and he bounced back from it.

Joe's giving me a pitying look like, don't mention testicular cancer on a Sunday afternoon.

This is a confusing thing.

We started explaining who we were and suddenly we're talking about Tom Green's testicular cancer.

That's life!

This is Adam and Joe on Virgin right here.

Switch off the mind and let the heart decide who you are meant to be.

Flick to remorse and let the buzz decline There is no enemy

Chop the mines and let it go

One measured exposure, yeah Cats are the seed and furrow in our land The future is broken

Winch power, lift up the hearts of this your only try We're going to Nanta, going to Nanta, going to Nanta, going to Nanta We're going to Nanta, going to Nanta, going to Nanta, going to Nanta

Good.

I mean that is how to finish a song isn't it?

That's how they did it in the old days.

Bit of shipping forecast and what a forward-looking jam as well.

Like let's get to net zero says Thomas Dolby way back in when was it 81 or something?

We're both big fans of Thomas Dolby and particularly that album is that off the Golden Age of the Wireless?

Golden Age of Wireless that was 1982 in fact wind power by Thomas Dolby this is Adam and Joe here on Virgin Radio and I'm about to give Joe a Dolby related giftoid Wow this is very oh wow look at that well this listeners is a beautifully framed photo a sort of a mantelpiece sized photo yeah

of my good self and Thomas Dolby when we recorded a segment for our old TV show called Vinyl Justice where we would raid pop stars' houses dressed as comedy police people and go through their record collections for embarrassing records.

And we visited Thomas Dolby's house

which is called... Well he lived on a street called Shingle Street.

Yes, Cloudburst at Shingle Street.

And he wrote a song called Cloudburst on Shingle Street and... He has a studio in a boat.

Well yes, I interviewed him for my podcast at his home, in fact in his studio on the Suffolk coast and he bought an old lifeboat called the Nutmeg of Consolation from the 1930s or something and he converted it into a studio

and he's got a bank of batteries that he put where the engine used to be and he's connected it to a wind turbine on the roof and there's solar panels and so he's totally sustainable there when he's working away.

He's living the wind power dream.

Do you remember what we did with Thomas in our Vinyl Justice segment?

Well I think he had a famous video right called Hyperactive.

for his single Hyperactive, which had a sort of ventriloquist dummy going crazy.

And so he sat on my knee and pretended to be a ventriloquist dummy.

Is that what you're talking about?

Yes.

That's what's happening in this photo.

I'm kind of puppeting him.

We'll put a photo on the Virgin website so you can see what it looks like.

But we found in his record collection a single of Keith Harris in Orville singing Come to My Party.

Come to my party.

So we forced him to sing it.

Here's a clip.

Hello kids!

Orville couldn't make it today, but instead we got Thomas Dolby.

You gonna sing us a song, Thomas?

Yes!

Let's go then.

One, two, three, four.

If you come around a half past three, we can play lots of games then we can put some lights on the Christmas tree.

Come to my party!

Well done, Orville.

That's very good.

Can you sing anything else?

No.

Excellent.

He's rushing it towards the end because he just wants to get it over with.

No.

Can you see anything else?

No.

What a good guy.

I love Thomas Dolby.

We love all his records.

This is Virgin Radio.

Sunday mornings on Virgin Radio with TK Maxx sponsoring the Comedy Arena at Latitude Festival.

Virgin Radio.

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You're listening to Adam and Joe.

Here on Virgin Radio.

Very nice to be with you.

I hope you're enjoying your Sunday.

If you're not, have a biscuit and a soft drink.

Mmmmm.

Twistin' rocks, can you find for me Someone strong and sweet, fitting on my knee?

If she gets it wrong, ah, but Mr. Marks, I won't need her long All I need is help for a little while We can take their patient and learn to smile And a temporary secretary is what I need

My regular has been getting

And Terry, missin' rocks, I can pay her well If she comes along, you can stay a spell I will promise now that I'll treat her right And we'll rarely be there till late at night, Anita

She can be a belly dancer I don't need a true romancer She can be a diplomat But I don't need a girl like that She can be a neurosurgeon If she's doing nothing urgent What I need's a temporary temporary secretary I need a I need a

Now Mr. Moss, when I send her back, will you please make sure she stays on the right track?

How hard it is for young girls these days In the face of everything to stay on the right track She can be a belly dancer, I don't need a true romancer She can be a diplomat, but I don't need a girl like that She can be a neurosurgeon if she's doing nothing urgent What I need's a temporary, temporary secretary

10, Jerry!

I mean, way ahead of the curve.

You know the curve?

I've heard of the curve.

Way ahead of it.

It's in the Barbican Centre, isn't it?

Yeah.

He was way ahead of that curve.

Crazy stuff.

Paul McCartney.

Sir Paul McCartney, I apologise.

Temporary Secretary.

I think it was on McCartney 2, 1980.

Great album. 1980.

And it's so sort of like robotic craziness from Macca.

What a talented man.

He was always my favourite.

Really?

Was he?

Yeah.

You know, I had him on my podcast, Joe.

I preferred Howard Donald.

He was the genius behind the Beatles.

Howard Donald?

Yeah.

But Macca, though, me and him, we got on like a house on fire.

Because you know, you dream when you're in the podcast game like I am, Joe, that sometimes if you meet a massively famous person that you really love, as I did with Paul, that you'll end up just really getting on very well and bonding.

Are you still in touch?

I mean...

We could be.

But you're not.

No.

Do you ever feel like dropping him an email saying, hey Paul, it's Adam from Adam Buxton podcast.

Do you fancy going out for tea?

I feel like it would be a bit too kind of cringe to do that.

And that's not what I'm like.

So instead what I do is I chat about him a lot and I mentioned the fact that he was on my podcast a lot whenever I get the opportunity.

Just dine out on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I feel like that'll kind of filter back to him and he'll like that.

And also I do a song of him, like in the style of him.

Is that a good sentence?

Yeah, let's hear it.

I'd like to hear it.

I did this one for Bake Off when I was on Bake Off for Stand Up To Cancer.

And I did it in the style of Paul McCartney, but it was about crumpets because we had to bake crumpets.

So this is my Paul McCartney crumpet song.

I like crumpets, give me some crumpets Stuck the doughy holes in my holy hole Get some hummus in those holes with Marmite, alright Everybody jump, it's time for crumpets I'm a crumpet, baking strumpet If you don't like crumpets, you can lump it Hummus and Marmite are losing from crumpet holes As I stuffed the crumpet to my gob

I like them slightly chewy, fluffy but gluey Tense but airy, tiny bit scary Munching crumpets is my favourite job

Oh, that was very realistic.

How did you get that to sound like him?

Is that an AI monstrosity?

It's a bit of AI monstrosity on the voice.

So I sang the parts.

Did you?

And then a friend of mine, Kid Klava, he applied some AI to tweak my voice.

Really?

That's uncanny.

And what does Sir Paul think of that song?

He hasn't been in touch yet.

He hasn't heard it.

He never will hear it.

Oh, I wouldn't put it like that.

Really?

No, I'd put it like he loves it.

He loves it, even though you'd be lying.

Yeah, I would be lying.

Well, go ahead and put it like that.

He loves it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a Beatles reference, Joe.

What?

Who?

You know, Howard Donald.

Oh, yeah.

I love the Beatles.

Keep me burning for your love

Silk and satin, leather and lace Black panties with an angel's face I see magic in your eyes I hear the magic in your sighs Just when I think I'm gonna get a

Hey, this is Adam Buxton.

This is Joe Cornish.

And we're here on Virgin Radio.

Where did you go?

When things went wrong for you.

When the nights went down for you.

Where did you go?

Turn me back to a best at the problem

Locked away all on your own Chants and your head all blown home What did you learn?

It was unfortunate You missed your chance to find out that

Virgin Radio Her hands is hollow gold Her lips sweet surprise Her hands are never cold

She's got Betty Davis eyes She'll turn her music on You won't have to think twice She's pure as New York snow She's got Betty Davis eyes And she'll tease you

She'll unease you of a better just to please you She's precocious and she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush She got credit garble, standoff size She's got a better day to size

She'll let you take her home With her appetite She'll lay you on the throne She got Betty Davis eyes She'll take a tumble on you Roll you like you were dice Until you come out blue She's got Betty Davis eyes

She'll expose you when she snows you Hoss your feet with the crumbs she throws you She's ferocious and she knows just what it takes to make it pro blush All the boys think she's a spy She's got petty Davis eyes

And she'll tease you, she'll unease you All the better just to please you She's precocious And she knows just what it takes to make it probless All the boys think she's a spy She's got petty day besides

The villain hears you Just to please you She's got better day besides She'll expose you

is Virgin Radio.

Sunday mornings on Virgin Radio with TK Maxx and Latitude Festival, bringing you a festival full of laughs.

Virgin Radio.

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On your smart speaker, play Virgin Radio.

And on the Virgin Radio app, this is Virgin Radio.

Good afternoon.

The Science and Technology Secretary Peter Kyle says he wants the UK to be a global destination for talent.

It's after the government earmarked £86 billion for the science sector.

Nigel Farage says he's thrilled to have Zaya Yousif back in Reform UK just two days after he walked away from the party.

Its former chairman will now lead a waste-busting team inspired by Elon Musk.

2,000 National Guard soldiers are heading to the streets of Los Angeles ordered by Donald Trump.

It follows two days of protests over immigration raids.

Back here, the Youth Sport Trust says a major decline in PE lessons across England should be a wake-up call to society.

The government claims it's determined to break down PE barriers for young people.

And EastEnders actor Jamie Borthwick has been suspended by the BBC.

A video has shown him using a disabled slur to describe the people of Blackpool.

You're up to date, I'm Matt Hutchinson.

And this is Adam and Joe here on Virgin Radio, Adam Buxton that is, and Joe Cornish.

Adam Buxton is a British male man who mainly does podcasting these days.

and I'm his friend and I've come to help him do this radio show in which he's standing in for Tom Allen, who's off on holes.

He's a lovely man, Tom Allen.

He was on my podcast back in the day.

We love him.

He's lovely.

I miss his voice.

So do I. I wish he was here and not us.

Everyone does.

Boy, Jimmy's my scene and the rock's dead and round Oh, Gino On a night when flowers do to suit my suit I'm gonna wake up lookin' like a monkey at school You know I stayed in the crowd that night I just, I promise I'll stop you so good when I don't jump right

Took the stage and started swinging high Oh Gino This man was my, almost my day She's my high Oh Gino I didn't cry, see I hate you I can't be young man, but I love you Like we knew, me and you were the same And now you run over, you saw me setting You fed me your bread, me I remember

Oh, no, just look at me, it's time to look at them

It's Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish here on Virgin Radio this Sunday afternoon.

Don't worry, we're just standing in for one week.

Yeah, it's not going to happen again.

Now, listen, listeners, you're fans of popular contemporary music, so you'll be excited to know that my comedy partner Adam Buxton has

written and produced and is about to release an album of popular music.

Is that right?

That's partly right.

I didn't produce it.

It was in fact produced... No, I meant produced like you were... Oh, like I plopped it.

Exactly.

It squeezed out of you.

It came out of me.

Yes.

It was produced though by Joe Mount, who is an actual musician.

From Metronomy?

Yeah.

How did you get him involved?

Well... Is it some sort of legal thing?

No, I've got some dirt.

Not some sort of punishment.

I've got dirt on him.

Have you?

Yeah, yeah.

He put a foot wrong.

He said some terrible things and I'm threatening to expose him if he doesn't help me.

You do music on your podcast, don't you?

You're well known for the jingles.

Sure.

and um that sort of stuff and we used to do music on our old radio show on a station we won't mention uh we used to write little songs but this is a proper real album well i'd say that's putting it too strongly yeah i mean what is an album these days is it going to have a vinyl release yeah oh yeah is it with a sleeve and everything with a sleeve and everything gatefold

I don't know, Gatefold.

In a sleeve?

I'm not sure about that.

We've run out of time to actually do the artwork for the sleeve, let alone do any other fiddly stuff inside.

Really?

CD?

I'm not sure.

I don't think they do CDs.

Cassette.

Very hip to release a cassette.

Probably not a cassette.

I'm hoping that it's going to be recyclable vinyl, so dirty brown vinyl.

Dirty brown vinyl.

That sounds apt.

What's the album called?

It's called Dirty Brown Vinyl.

No, it's called Buckle Up.

That's good.

Yeah, do you think?

Yeah, that's very good.

And is there any chance I could hear a sneak preview of maybe the single release from the album right now?

Oh mate.

Mate!

Sure.

Have you really not heard it?

No.

But it came out last week.

Yeah but I've avoided it.

Oh.

I thought the best way to respond to it would be in public on radio.

Yeah okay.

So you've genuinely never heard this before.

No.

This was actually Pete Robertson who used to be in a band called The Vaccines is now a producer.

He helped me with this one and it's called Pizza Time.

And it is the first sort of, quotes, proper song I ever wrote.

I sat down to try and write a proper song.

Can I give you a preview of how I'm going to react to it?

Okay.

man that was really good that was really good no seriously that was really good i really loved it it was cool you're gonna go it's really because it was like a little bit funny a little bit serious but just enough of both of them and the production is really good it sounds really good it's really detailed as well well done man that's brilliant i cannot wait to hear the album so what you can do is just clip that out and play it after the after the song

Let's hear it.

Here we go.

This is going to be really good.

This is pizza time.

That was great, man.

This is great.

Whatever is going to happen now, it's really great.

So smug.

My teenage son comes down the stair Makes his way to the Frigidaire He's looking for pizza He's pleased to find there's a pizza there Slides it in the oven and ten minutes later it's pizza time

In the outside world things ain't so nice Not everybody got a pizza slice I got to tell the boy, make him appreciate You live in a bubble that is shiny and great But while you're munching your treat Think of those who can't eat And keep an eye on those calories too

you

Up inside his bedroom, gaming engines hum It smells like a pet shop inside of a bum He should be revising, exams are nearly here Instead he's eating pizza and stealing all my beer He's heard the boring speeches from his parents and his teachers He says dude it's gonna be okay

I thought it would be easy to be a dad To have a mini best friend To cheer you up when you feel sad Turns out there's more to it than that Do what I say, never do what I do Cause I'm the same as you

That's a deep cut.

Because it's not just about pizza time, is it?

It feels like it's about more than that.

Oh mate, it's about everything.

Yeah, particularly relationships with your child.

And that's like a tribute to your son, right?

Teenage child, yes.

That's the middle one, Natty, who it's inspired by.

And he comes down and starts making pizzas?

Not anymore.

This was after he left school, shortly after the lockdown.

He used to be, and I'm sure he won't mind me saying,

quite an angry chap for a while, quite Kevin the teenager-ish, certainly didn't like hanging out with any of us, his family.

And then one morning during the lockdown, 2020, he came downstairs to discover that his exams had been cancelled.

And even though that was an event that was disastrous for so many teens and people across the country, for Nat, it was, he proclaimed, the best day of his life.

He said, like, I can't believe it.

This is incredible.

We were like, yeah, but it's not as good as you think.

It's going to have a lot of adverse ramifications for you.

He's like, no, this is great.

And what's he doing now?

Is he still in the kitchen?

He's not currently in the kitchen.

He's working in a pub in Norwich and he's saving up to go on some travelling.

There you go.

Well, congratulations, it's a beautiful song.

I think it's going to be a big hit for co-listening.

Co-listening?

Yeah, you know, family listening.

Oh, okay.

Because it's got a lot of meaning and it's also super fun to listen to and it sounds beautiful.

You can dance around as a family to the song.

Yeah, and it's just got that lovely Hawaiian...

sort of groove, peaceful groove to it.

I think you are looking at a number one hit.

You are staring down a big barrel of confetti.

A big barrel of hit.

I think things are going to change for you.

Sure.

Can you perform it live?

I can't even sing it live.

Do you play, because I thought there was a bit of a like a David Byrne thing going on there every now and then.

Yeah I mean that is me singing and there's no auto-tune on there but it's a lot of layers of vocals and if I had to sing it on my own live currently it would not sound like that so I'm gonna get singing lessons.

Yeah well there's something to look forward to the live performance.

Congratulations.

And that's available where?

I don't really know.

I don't understand how it works these days with singles.

It'll just be on Spotify.

It's just floating around.

Exactly.

It's all about the streams.

And you'll get 0.0001 pence for every time it's played.

Less than that.

I'd take out a big old loan.

This is Adam and Joe here on Virgin Radio.

That's pretty good, isn't it?

I love that song.

He's a funny looking fella.

Or he was back in the 80s.

Have you seen the video to that?

No.

He's in Paris.

Is he?

And he's standing there and he's just looking at ladies.

And it was a video made in the days when that was acceptable.

They seem to just be filming women as they walk past that they like the look of.

And he's sort of giving them a cheeky wink and singing his song.

It doesn't feel very modern.

The attitudes in it don't feel very modern.

But the song's great.

Are you sure he was in Paris and not Rome?

He's Italian.

No, I'm pretty sure he's in Paris unless they've got an Eiffel Tower in Rome.

This is Virgin Radio.

You're listening to Adam and Jo.

Oh yeah, the boy can relate Dedication, devotion Turning all the night time into the day

He got the action, he got the motion Prayin' a boy can play, for dedication The ocean that's endin' all the night time is in the day

Down in the tunnel tryin' to make you feel great You got the action, you got the motion, oh yeah The boy can relate, the dedication, devotion You're turnin' on the night, turnin' in the day And after all the violence and double-talk It's just the soul in only trouble and the strife You do the walk, yeah, you do the walk all night

Hey this is Adam Buxton.

Hey this is Joe Cornish.

Hope you're enjoying your Sunday afternoon with us here on Virgin Radio.

Virgin Radio Travel In Leicestershire on the M1 northbound at junction 23A for East Midlands Airport emergency repairs means the exit slip is part blocked.

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And in Hertfordshire it's looking unusually busy on the northbound side of the M1 between junctions 8 and 9.

I'm Michael Page.

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Just get it, honey

It's a time that ends all with me

I'm proud

Virgin Radio

We'll hijack my world at night To a place in the past We've been cast out over Now we're back in the fight Back on the train Back on the train gang

Circumstance beyond our control Oh, the 40 and the news of the world Forgotten our hearts like a pigeon from hell Oh, transcending our eyes and descended like flies Put us back on the train, yeah

On the train gang How was it feeling

It forces us to live like we do Bring me to my knees When I see what they've done to you And I'll die as I stand here today Throwing it deep in my heart Therefore to ruin one day For making us part

I found a picture of you Those were the happiest days of my life Like a break in the battle was your part In the wretched life of a lonely heart Now we're back on the train

Hello, I'm Adam Buxton.

Hey, I'm Joe Cornish.

You're listening to Virgin Radio.

And we're standing in today, right?

We're standing in for Tom Allen.

He's off taking a well-earned break.

And it's very nice for us to be here and pretend like we're on the radio again.

Well, we kind of...

technically are on the radio again but here's a thing that we used to do back in the day on our old radio show and which we still sometimes do when we're podcasting at Christmas time when we get together and this is read out jokes and the occasional egg corn that people send in to us.

I'm a funny person I often make up jokes

my jokes are more amusing than those of other folks when you hear my joke i think you'll find that you agree come on you're all invited to a made-up joke party we've got a few here uh in my cup here joe pick one out this is a lenticular lord of the rings promotional

cup from the film return of the king which one of which one of the films was that the first one the second one the third one the fourth one the fifth one the sixth one the seventh one the eighth one the ninth one the tenth one or the eleventh one it was the you don't have to answer that here's the mate where did these come from then these are sent in by listeners to my podcast the adamant adam podcast with the

Christmas yeah they were they're like leftover cracker jokes oh I don't know if I would call them leftover no no no no you're right that's a very condescending but the idea here is you ask listeners or we asked listeners to make up jokes right and they and they have to be made up so we usually sometimes google them usually sometimes google them just to check that they don't exist out there on the internet already check the provenance not in test we don't always get it right

we don't always get it right so they can't be obvious jokes right and and often often the sign that they really are made up is that they're a little bit bad and tortured convoluted oh yeah yeah we like a long setup okay here's one by joe donahoe

he says hi adam i've been sitting on this makeup joke for a few years now and figured it might be time for it to finally go public i think it does well to combine my two great loves chocolate and music here goes question what do you call a chocolate bar that keeps falling over answer a careless whisper

It feels like it might have been made before.

There should be some sort of George Michael reference in the question, shouldn't there?

I think he could have done more with that.

What's the name of that person?

If George Michael fumbled the whisper somehow in the question, fumbled the chocolate bar, then I think it could have been more convoluted and funnier.

Joe Donahoe.

He says, love your book and podcast.

I don't know what he's talking about.

I don't have a book or a podcast.

Do you want to grab another one?

Sure, sure, sure.

I tip them all out in a selfish way.

Do you want to read one?

Sure.

There we go.

You read one.

Right.

Okay.

Now, how do you feel about juvenile jokes, Joe?

I like a juvenile joke.

Well, these ones were actually created by juveniles.

Really?

Yeah.

Six-year-old Lucas sent this one in, and this is kind of my level.

Lucas's joke is, when do you poo?

Do you want me to answer that or are you just leaving a dramatic pause?

Yeah, a dramatic poo pause.

The answer is at the butt crack of dawn.

I mean that's quite good sophisticated work from Lucas there.

That can't have been actually written by Lucas.

I think Lucas came up with it.

He's a visionary.

He's a future Jimmy Carr.

Here's another one from a young person this is 13 year old Lincoln sent this one in and this is very this is sophisticated.

What do gothic babies play with?

Mmm, I don't know what do gothic babies play with?

Let's see if you can guess it.

What, something to do with a rattle?

Yes.

Simon rattle?

Their death rattle.

Their death rattle?

That is morbid.

Gothic babies.

That is morbid.

That's pretty good, isn't it?

How does a child of that age know about death rattles?

Because it's a sophisticated 13 year old.

Are you sure that's not a parent smuggling their own jokes under the guise of their children in order to elicit sympathy?

It would never happen.

That was... Elle is in charge of things there.

Thank you Elle for sending those in on behalf of Lucas and Lincoln.

By the way, I feel like I ought to give a plug for...

comedian I'm very much Revere who has a great podcast Harry Hill mm-hmm and he does a similar thing on his podcast he gets people to send in jokes and sometimes reads them out and tries to guess the punchline it occurred to me as we were doing that are we there yet is the name of Harry Hill right so he's stolen our thing no he's Harry Hill

Yeah, but has he stolen our thing?

Yeah, yeah.

He's stolen it.

I like to do that at Christmas.

I mean, does everybody do that at Christmas?

Guess the punchlines from the Cracker Jokes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's the only thing that makes Christmas bearable.

For a while I thought I made that up.

Doing that.

We've been doing it for a good 25 years.

Right.

Everyone does that with the Cracker Jokes.

No, no, no.

Nobody did it before we did it.

Just the cornballs.

Yep.

Alright now here's a song I picked out for you.

Have you ever heard I'm Henry the eighth I am by Herman's Hermits I don't know.

I don't know.

Well, you know in you know in ghost Yeah, when Patrick Swayze Is a ghost yes

And he likes the song, and he keeps singing it.

And when I watched that film originally, I was like, what has he gone about?

And only recently, thanks to the wonders of Spotify, have I discovered what he was actually singing, which was this track by Herman's Hermits.

It was a number one in the US in 1965, but it didn't do much in the UK, but I love it.

And so did the Ramones, in fact, they loved this song.

This is, I'm going to say that this is the Rosetta Stone of punk.

How about that?

Herman's Hermit.

I'm Henry VIII I am Henry VIII I am, I am I got married to the widow next door She's been married seven times before And everyone was an Henry She wouldn't have a willy or a sham I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry Henry VIII I am

Second verse same as the first She's been married seven times before I'm already

I am Henry VIII I am I am I got married to the widow next door She's been married seven times before And everyone was an Henry She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry Henry VIII I am H-E-N-R-Y Henry, Henry, Henry VIII I am I am

That's one of the shortest songs ever to top the US charts.

When was that recorded?

1965.

Wow.

Herman's Hermits, I'm Henry VIII, I am.

This is Adam and Jo on Virgin Radio.

This is Virgin Radio.

Sunday mornings on Virgin Radio with TK Maxx and Latitude Festival.

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Hey, this is Adam Buxton.

This is Joe Cornish.

And we're here on Virgin Radio.

Down the high street, when I heard footsteps behind me And there was a little old man, in scarlet and grey, shuffling away

And he sat beside the deli With his tiny hands on his tummy Chuckling away, laughing all day I'll have to report you to the gnome office Gnome office I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me

said the laughing gnome.

Well, I gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine.

Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne, carried his bag and gave him a fag.

What's that clicking noise?

I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me!

Oh look, I'm a gnome!

Didn't you get a gnome to go to?

No, we're gnomes there!

Didn't they teach you to get your egg out at school?

You look like a rolling gnome!

Now they're staying up with Jimmy And we're living on caviar and honey Because they're earning me lots of money Fighting comedy throws for radio shows It's the uh, it's the gnome service of force Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Hey, this is Adam and Joe.

Hope you're enjoying your Sunday.

That's David Bowie with The Laughing Gnome.

For a long time, a track that was not considered one of his best.

What?

But I always liked it.

I remember hearing that when I was about 14 and thinking, yep, I'm on board.

Love it.

I think he lost it after that.

He never quite got it back, did he, that same feel?

He didn't have enough funny helium voices.

I mean, he did in an album he made called Outside with Brian Eno in 1995.

He got back to doing some helium voices.

I used to sing that to my daughter when she was five.

Laughing gnome.

She really liked that one and I did all the impressions and the Gnome jokes all of that stuff.

Do you sing to your daughter?

Well, she tells me to shut up if I do what she goes no She puts her hand over my mouth daddy stop it.

That's grotesque, Daddy.

She doesn't like it.

I make up a lot of songs, but actually she liked one the other day that was it just said it was just about a Coca-Cola koala.

That's good.

She quite liked that one.

But I think she was throwing me a bone.

Do you know what I mean?

She censored the previous three.

Did she say, oh, that's really interesting dad.

That's great.

Yeah.

No, I liked that one.

Yes.

I'd like that one.

And she sang it with me.

Can you give us a rendition?

No, no, no, no, no, not unless I'm paid by the fizzy drink company.

Cause the idea was it was a pitch for, um, a pitch for an advert for them and they were going to do little cuddly koalas.

And she said, I want one of those, but they don't exist.

So you're basically, you and your daughter, you're just spitballing ideas for ad campaigns.

A lot of the time, a lot of the time, yeah.

For giant corporations.

We're riffing, rhyming, that's fun isn't it?

Yeah.

Part of the fun of having a five-year-old.

Exactly.

Nearly six.

And what sort of stuff do you read?

What do I read to her?

Well, it's mostly books based around schools for either unicorns or mermaids or fairies.

Yeah.

And in which the unicorn in which the human is paired up with either a fairy or a dolphin or a unicorn and they go on some sort of adventure adventure and there's a baddie.

I love it.

Yeah, that sort of thing.

That's sort of the same story.

but with just insert different mythical creature into it.

Well there's only five stories aren't there John?

That's true archetype.

There's only five stories that go random now.

Seven actually Adam.

Five.

In your life there's only five.

You've missed two entire stories.

No no no no no.

Those are the other two they don't really count because they don't have enough unicorns in them but there's basically just seven.

What about the Richard Scarry books?

What do people do all day?

They're more picture books though aren't they?

They're not really wordy books.

They've got words in.

Yeah but they're not like bedtime reading stories either, they're like looking books.

Yeah but you can go through them together and go look all the wristwatches that Bananas Gorillas got.

Bananas Gorillas got so many.

We haven't really got those, I should get those.

Ah they're brilliant.

Do you know who the best-selling author in this country is?

I think it's Adam Buxton.

It should be Adam Buxton.

It's not JK, Jamiroquai, the author of Harry Potter.

Yeah.

It's Julia Donaldson, who writes like loads of children.

Gruffalo.

She sounds like more than Jamiroquai.

Room on the Broom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's absolutely minting it.

Well they're pretty good those.

They're really good, they're a cut above.

But they don't have what Busy Busy World does in Richard's scary town, busy town, which is a pig butcher who sells sausages to pig families.

Really?

Yeah.

That is a bit strange isn't it?

Well, it tells you all you need to know about the adult world.

That's what I tell my five year old daughter.

The boys coming in close to tea

The tension is

This is The Takeover on Virgin Radio with Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish.

I should have been saying that right the way through the show.

I know, but you suddenly tell me it's the... I didn't know it was The Takeover.

I know, I suddenly dropped it on you.

We've been here for two hours and more...ty more minutes.

And you haven't told me I'd be doing a completely different thing if I knew it was The Takeover.

I'm really sorry to drop it on you at this late point.

Blimey.

But what a time we've had taking over.

What a time we've had.

It's really been nice to be here.

Lovely to see you, Jay Corn.

Thank you so much for coming in and being my guest.

Lovely to see you.

I'm just picking off the remnants of an old sticker on the back of the present you bought me that tells me that it's probably recycled.

Uh, yeah, of course, everything's recycled.

That's good for the planet.

That's the back of the picture frame I gave Joe.

With the Thomas Dolby picture in it.

But no, listen, seriously, thank you very much.

Good to see you.

Well, thanks for having me, man.

I don't know how much I've helped with your takeover.

So much.

But I've been, I'm physically here, and I've tried my best to respond to the things that you said.

It's been wonderful.

It's always good to see you and we'll be together again before the end of the year and probably again at Christmas time on my podcast.

That will be exciting.

Oh, yeah.

So anyway, thank you, listeners.

Don't forget to, you know, fasten your seat belt.

Yes.

Or to put it another way, buckle up.

That's the name of your new album.

Yeah.

Were you feeding me that?

Any opportunity to promote your wares.

I've got so many wares, it's like normally I don't have that many wares and suddenly this year it's worked out.

Your wizened wares.

My wizened wares are all popping out.

You're like one of those people that knock on the doors with a plastic basket full of overly priced sponges.

Exactly when you don't want someone to knock on the door.

That's exactly what you mean.

Hello, I've got an album, a book.

audio book, live tours and some sponges okay here's one final song from us and this is one that my mum always loved and it's Randy Crawford one day I'll fly away thanks for listening lovely to be here bye

I follow the map

One day I'll fly away Leave your love to me as good What more can your love do for me When will love be through With me

Adam_Joe_-_09_00_8_6_2025_Virgin_Radio