The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam And Joe (24 June 2011)

Hello, good morning from the big British castle.

Welcome business to the glass and beer in his studio.

Adam and Joe have been transported there at vast expense.

Their private jet has landed on Beyonce's tent.

That's Gorillaz with Steelo.

Hey, how you doing, listeners?

Adam Buxton here.

Hey, listeners, it's Joe Cornish here.

We're coming to you live from the Glastonbury Festival.

Yeah, it's like, how would you describe it?

Well, it's a big gathering of people.

It's like a big friendly disaster area.

Yeah.

And it's just started.

I mean, you can maybe hear out there that they are testing the sound system on the main stage, the pyramid stage, right next to where we, the BBC, are located in our vans.

It just stopped.

We had an exciting moment there about 10 minutes ago when they started playing music for the first time on the pyramid stage.

and we were a bit alarmed because we're in quite a feeble portacabin here just behind the pyramid stage and the booming system was booming very loud yeah the entire portacabin started vibrating James our producer looked worried Lucy was shaken off her chair she fell on the floor we were excited because it was like we were war reporters

in a bit you know in a dangerous place in a dangerous war zone dangerous levels of subsonic base you know because later on on that stage first of all metronomy are going to be stepping out there during our show in fact at 12 o'clock we got the Wu Tang clan on the main stage there later on BB King Biffy Clyro Morrissey you're getting very excited

I've never seen Adam like this.

Have you ever seen you two?

I mean, I don't really care about you two, but I'm quite excited.

I'm gonna say I'm quite excited to see them.

Well, it's very different seeing bands here at Glastonbury, isn't it?

It can make you excited about bands that you don't really care about very much.

But we care about everything.

We care about every band.

We're very excited to be here.

We hope you are excited to be joining us for the next three days.

We'll be here from 10am to 1pm today and tomorrow and Sunday live.

So please stay tuned.

In fact, Six Music is providing fantastic round the clock coverage of Glastonbury.

all weekend.

If you would like to get in touch with our show, the text number is 64046 as usual.

Texts will be charged at your standard message rate and we encourage you to text or tweet us rather than email perhaps because it might be easier for us to process those messages than it would be normally with the emails.

So you can Twitter us.

It's at BBC Adam and Joe is our Twitter hashtag.

Is that what it's called?

I don't know what's going on in the modern world.

So yeah, and you can always email as well, but we might be slower on the uptake.

It's Adam and Joe dot six music at BBC dot co dot UK.

I'm worried.

Well, I'm worried about the sound levels from the pyramid stage.

He just said one, two, and you could hear it clear as day.

Yeah, I know.

When it gets really loud, we'll open the door.

What happens when an actual band starts?

I'll be in trouble.

We can go and ask Metronomy to turn it down.

You know what we should do is we should go and gather toilet rolls and egg boxes.

And lob them.

And just staple them all over the inside of the portacabin for soundproofing.

Or get mud.

We could get loads of mud and cake it around the porter cabin.

We should talk about the mud later on because it's going to be quite a big factor for the Glastonbury weekend.

There's a lot of mud available.

Yeah, there's got to be things we can do with it.

But listen, let's have some music right now to ease us in a little bit right now.

And James, are we going for my track here right now?

This is the first of my free plays.

And I thought I'd play a little bit of Cliff Richard for you listeners.

And this is out in the country.

Sir Cliff from 1966.

I think that one was.

That's in the country, just to get us in the country mood there.

I didn't know you were into Sir Cliff.

Love a bit of Sir Cliff.

I went on a cliff bender the other day.

Suddenly, Cliff popped in my mind, and I just went Cliff crazy.

Did you?

And I started listening to Wired for Sound.

You remember that one?

I like that one.

That's the one that got me into Cliff.

And you know how sometimes you have fond memories of things that you grew up with and that you listen to as a child, and you go back to them and you think, ooh, that doesn't sound good at all.

But, uh, wide for sound sounded, uh, decent.

Yes.

Sounded very decent.

I bet it did.

And, you know, that is an absolute peach, isn't it, in the country there?

Yeah, he's a good singer, he's, he's a very sexy man.

He's good at tennis.

Very good at tennis.

Very lovely thighs.

He's got beautiful brown legs, doesn't he?

He's very tanned, and they're dusted with a light dusting of, uh, of hair.

Hair!

Beautiful blonde hair!

That's true, isn't it?

He's very young.

You know, I would lick Cliff's legs.

Yeah.

Would you?

Yeah.

He likes that done.

He likes a small hairy man to stand at the side of the court.

Sure he does.

He's got loads.

And when the ball boys run in and pick up the balls, he likes the hairy men to come in and just lick his legs.

Lick his legs.

They don't go crazy.

They don't want to wear the legs down.

Of course not.

Otherwise he'd just be stumbling about on pins.

Yeah.

No one wants that.

He's the sexiest, oldest man in the world.

That's true, isn't it?

He's the sexiest, oldest man.

And you know how some people's skin gets very leathery when they get old?

Chris Richard.

He's got chamois leather legs.

He does.

When he waxes his MG, he just does it nude.

And he just rides all over it, all over the bonnet.

Mmm.

That's true.

I love Chris Richards.

Chris Richards.

So Chris is the absolute best with his shammy legs.

So listen man, how was your Glastonbury trip?

Did you get here okay?

Got here okay.

We were here yesterday listeners.

Adam and me arrived at about lunchtime yesterday and we usually get here on the first day.

I've never been here on the day before.

There was a nice atmosphere.

It was very sunny.

Everyone was kind of mildly tutti.

and just strolling around getting a sense of the place.

It was a beautiful day yesterday.

It was a beautiful day.

There was a little bit of sloppy muddy bits around the place.

It took about 45 minutes for me to walk just from the yellow gate to the BBC compound.

That's only half the distance of the actual site and it took a long time.

There are some very excited security people who are taking great pleasure in doing their jobs.

Checking all the tags.

It's not in any way like it was in 19... When was the first year of the festival?

70 was it?

71 when it started.

It was just Michael Eavis standing there saying, hey, welcome.

And that was about it for security.

He's still doing that.

He just can't be heard because he's surrounded by so many people.

That's true.

I came, we both came on the train.

Yeah.

Did you have any traveling tales from the train?

I didn't.

I had a little sleep.

Yeah.

Nice little journey.

Little kippage.

Very civilized.

Before we got on the train, I was in Paddington and I was checking out all... It's very easy to tell who's going to the festival when you're there at the stage.

Yeah, you get corralled into a separate sort of thing.

That's if you're going to Castle Carrey.

We went to Bath Spa to avoid the madness.

Yeah.

But even on the Bath Spa train, it was very, very busy.

Lots of people going on there, lots of anxious-looking mothers with their teenage daughters.

Do you do that... When I was a kid and I was on a long train journey,

one of the treats would be to walk the entire length of the train sure you'd get up you'd go all the way to the end all the way to the other end and then back to your seat did you do you still do that i was forced to do that because i had to put my bike in the end carriage and walk the other way down you're lucky it's not really a treat though not when it's rammed

Takes ages.

Squeezing past everybody.

Squeezing.

And there was a guy before we got on the train that I saw, he was one of the Hardy boys, you know?

There's a lot of girls wandering around with their wellies and their nice little neatly packed knapsacks.

There's a few guys that look like Nick Grimshaw, who've got, you know, shades and cool hair and maybe a jaunty hat.

So you mean he's Hardy, he's rough and tough, rather than Nancy Drew and the Hardy boys?

Exactly, yeah.

And then there's and then there's the hardy type boy.

He's got a giant backpack it looks as if he's just about a ship out to war and The guy that I saw also had a new looking wheelbarrow nice and in the wheelbarrow was around I would say 70 cans of lager and

Mm-hmm.

Perfect.

As well as a whole load of new camping equipment.

And he was just standing there, you know, grimacing under the weight of his... How had he got the wheelbarrow on the train?

He hadn't got on the train at that point.

Oh, I see.

So I was thinking, like, what the heck is he thinking?

I think what he does is he sits in it, on the beer, and he loops a rope around the back of the train.

And he just gets tugged along.

It's a bit bouncy.

But he's very hardy, that hardy boy.

Sure he is.

And then when he gets off the train at Castle Kerry, what, does he just wheel it all the way to the side?

No, he's drunk by then.

He drinks the 70 Kansa for the journey.

He'll get more when he gets here.

He just rolls down the valley and lands in the mud.

Hey, we should say something as well.

If there's a weird acoustic, listeners, if everything sounds a bit different, it is because we're in this portacabin.

And six music.

um have managed to sort of deck out half of it in sort of soundproofy uh greengrocer's grass to kind of baffle the sound but um the six music budget has only stretched to four bits so there is a kind of weird sort of portacabin acoustic in here but bear with it we'll get used to it yeah it's absolutely it's all right

Hey, let's play some music by one of the headliners from this weekend.

They will be headlining the Pidamidge stage tomorrow night.

That's Saturday, of course.

And here is a track that is out on physical release on Monday.

It's by the Mighty Coldplay.

Of course, this is Every Teardrop is a Waterfall.

Well done.

That was Stephen Wonder.

That was last year here at Glastonbury Live.

I remember that.

Of course it was Michael Eavis' birthday.

Was it the birthday of Eavis or the birthday of the festival?

Yeah, festival wonder.

He joined Michael Eavis joined Stevie Wonder on stage to sing that song.

Was he singing in that version we heard?

No, no, that was that was superstition that song.

Oh, thanks, mate.

They did happy birthday.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks.

I'm just going to take a little break.

Happy birthday to you.

That's my impression of Evis with Stevis.

It's good.

It was excellent.

So Joe, do you feel as if you have packed everything you need for your festival experience?

Have you left anything behind?

Uh, yeah, I've bought, I've left a pair of jeans behind.

I realized this morning, I have, I've only bought one pair.

I've got the one pair of jeans!

I've got no other genes.

So it's going to give a sort of excitement and tension to the next three days.

So the bets are, when is it going to start raining today?

It's going to do that any second.

When is Joe's crotch hole going to suddenly expand?

And maybe we could harness the power of the squadron.

Black squadron surely must be on site.

Do you think someone's got a sewing kit?

You would think.

Do you think one of them might be able to stitch up my...

Little crotch split crotch split surely that's within the powers having to construct that sentence very carefully yeah, maybe I didn't do a good job, but That's got to be doable if you're on site And you can hear us somehow sewed up while the jeans are on so it has to be a very good It has to be a surgeon really

Yeah, it has to be a surgeon.

Someone like Squadron poking needles in your... Yeah, I'm very happy about that.

They have to, but they have to be able to get the needle penetration shallow.

You know, if they go too deep, then... Obviously, then it's curtains for cornballs.

It's curtains for Dr. Sexy's cornballs.

He's gonna close his practice.

That could be edgy stuff.

It's like Mission Impossible 5.

Mission Impossibles.

Well, I think I packed pretty much everything.

Although last night I came onto the site with my wash bag and I left it in the compound.

Just before we change the subject.

Yeah.

No, I'm going to... No, I'll change the subject back.

I thought better of saying what I was going to say.

Keep talking.

Sorry.

I had second thoughts.

I had the compliance part of my brain kicked in.

Oh, well done.

Thanks.

Hey, you know, it's right at the end of our run, but I'm glad that it finally started working.

Yeah, I left my wash bag, mate.

So I couldn't do my correct ablution routine this morning and last night.

Oh, that's terrible.

Because we're staying off site and it was very upsetting.

The whole wash bag?

The whole wash bag.

Soap?

So yeah I mean there's soap in the place where we're staying.

Moisturiser, toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant.

No deodorant.

You haven't got, you're going to stink.

Well I've done it now because I just ran into the larvae just before we came on air and sorted it all out but last night I had to go to bed without brushing my teeth.

That's not nice.

That's grotesque.

Furry teeth, furry gums.

You know and also I had some onions with my delicious BBC supper last night.

Raw onions, I'm gonna have raw onions.

Look at the raw onions, I'm having them.

And then I had onion breath and went to sleep with the onion breath.

It was horrible.

Have you got any good techniques for brushing your teeth when you don't have your toothpaste and brush there?

Yeah, you just use a wet finger.

Wet finger, that does nothing though.

All that does is compact all that goo.

No, that's how cavemen did it.

Is it?

Yeah.

Cavemen, I thought they scraped them with twigs or a lizard or something.

Twigs are good as well.

You have to have a particular type of twig.

Yeah, but if there's no twigs available, what do you do if you're just in a hotel room?

Sometimes what I do is, you know, they can be quite starchy, the towels, so they're a bit rough.

So I use a rough towel.

You use a rough towel?

Yeah, I towel down the teeth.

Well done.

That's a good technique.

It's not really.

I mean, it doesn't work.

But it makes you feel as if you're doing something.

You feel as if you have to do something, however pointless it is, just to get some action on the teeth.

Towel down the teeth.

I'd be interested to hear if anyone's got any other suggestions.

Don't forget the text number here in the BBC6 music porter cabin at Glastonbury is 64046.

And also you can Twitter at BBC Adam and Joe in fact we request that you do so We're checking them all here on the bits of technology some of which are working.

You know I've got a sexy tablet computer Yeah, so one of these Contempo tablets goes checking your messages there the offensive ones get filtered out at an early stage soon So don't even try once so don't even try This is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music.

It's 1030 and time for the news

Good stuff.

That's De La Soul.

The sound of the Daisy Age there, Joe.

What does it all mean?

And that was called...

Three is the magic number.

Well done.

I remember it with my mind rather than looking at a piece of paper.

Good work.

My mind still works!

Hooray!

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music and of course we are opening up the coverage for Six Music of the Glastonbury Festival 2011.

Three full days of non-stop music, mayhem, madness and I was trying to think of something else that began with M. Marmite.

Marmite and Mud.

Steve La Mac, of course, is here next.

He was wearing a filthy coat, so I've christened him Steve La Dirty Mac.

Nice.

He's walking through the mud, he got very splattered.

He's got a gunslinger swagger.

Yesterday he was approaching us in the BBC compound flanked by... Do you know what that is before you start getting flippant about it?

He's DJ'd for a long time.

The bass rumbles have damaged some of the ligaments in his legs.

Just through the sheer vibrations he's had to endure.

So he can't actually straighten his legs anymore.

Yeah.

He's got that permanently bow-legged stance.

He's ready, though, to have a gunfight with Bobby Gillespie at any point.

Absolutely.

Or any of the other big rock gunslingers.

With sonic pistols.

Lauren Laverne is here on six music from two o'clock.

Stuart McConie is here from five.

Keris Matthews and Sean Keaveney here at nine with BB King actually on the show.

Flipping heck tucker.

And Steve LaMack is back at 10 going live around the stages.

Flying from stage to stage.

from U2 to Primal Scream.

He's going to be checking out all the live music tonight.

And we were speaking to Sean Keveny yesterday, having a nice drinky.

And he was saying that, what's his plan?

He's going to stay up all night and see the sunrise tomorrow night.

And then broadcast?

Insane.

I think he's going to finish broadcasting, then stay up, and then maybe it'll be part of Lauren's show, I think, his reports from staying up all night and watching the sunrise with the lunatics.

I mean, that sounds ill-advised.

You would have thought he'd be tired of seeing the sunrise.

You know, exactly.

With the hours he works.

Once you get to 35, who needs to see another sunrise?

I know.

It's totally tedious.

Rubbish.

Later in the show, we're going to have some of our regular features popping up.

Might be time for a bit of pop-ropriation or some egg-corn soon.

But right now, here's some more music for you, listeners.

And we have got a nice bit of Fleet Foxes coming your way now.

We are hoping that we're going to speak to Robin Pecknold.

lead singer of the Fleet Foxes later on today.

Yeah, so if you've got any questions to put to Mr Pecknold, as I like to respectfully call him, do send them in, 64046, and we will pick out the best ones and say them to him.

Now, they're shy, bearded mountain men who have very seldom been out in actual civilization.

Well, this is the only kind of place they come to, because this is a similar lifestyle to their day-to-day existence.

That's right.

foraging for grubs in the mud exactly that kind of thing so they feel comfortable but what are they going to make of us because we're idiots and we're not really properly equipped to interview well he'll probably treat us like some sort of confused panicked trapped animal yeah they're very used to dealing with scared animals you know suckling pigs that are panicking yes stuff like that a rabbit that's being chased about to be killed chased they're very soulful you know they understand

uh stupidity simplicity uh-huh they like a simpleton there's a couple of old guys that live down the road from them in a shack who are very similar to us and yeah they're just like very old they've had too much gumbo their brains are addled by homebrewed gumbo

and that's how he will relate to us yeah well that's all I mean it'll be a relief for him in a way because most people when they interview the Fleet Foxes just talk about music boring so what we're gonna do is talk absolute rubbish to the man and see how he deals with that so tune in tomorrow to find out how that goes down but this is Fleet Foxes right now with helplessness

What's he going on about there?

And that's our lady walking by!

Look at her!

She's got that!

Pandemonium.

Over excited.

MGMT with Flash Delirium.

That was from their album last year.

Congratulations.

And of course MGMT were one of the bands that did a terrific set here last year.

And they're not here this year though.

So it's a shame, isn't it?

That's a shame, isn't it?

It's an absolute shame.

But the live music is starting in about 10 minutes.

Yes.

And you might remember, listeners, we were telling you that we're in quite a flimsy portacabin directly behind the pyramid stage.

So there is an atmosphere of expectation, tension and trepidation as to whether when the live music starts on the pyramid stage, it will, you know, disintegrate our portacabin like something out of a Roland Emmerich film.

I'd be absolutely furious if that happens.

It'll be like a Jimmy Porter cabin.

AHHH!

He's an angry young man.

Nice, like it.

Thank you.

Also, Adam was asking you to suggest ways to clean your teeth if you've forgotten your tooth brushing kit.

Yeah, top tips.

I've never been able, you know, I'm nearly 70 years old and I've never sussed out thus far in my life the best way to deal with the situation.

And I'm sure this is a situation that's happening to lots of people here at Glastonbury.

They've forgotten to bring some sort of essential and the toothbrush is the most essential of all essentials.

It really is, no one wants to.

Now you can buy them, but nobody buys anything at Glastonbury.

No.

No one goes shopping at Glastonbury.

Well, we bought some wellies yesterday.

We did, that's true.

Yeah, that was amazing.

But here are some suggestions that have come in from listeners.

Gareth in Corby says, Hello Adam and Joe, on the theme of teeth in India they use neem sticks.

Neem sticks?

You chew the end, this is good, you chew the end, then you use the chewed end for brushing.

He says neem is medis, medicineow, spelt M-E-D-I-S-N-O-A-L.

And leaves, spelt L-E-A-V-S-E, are used in curry as flavour, plus neem oil put on hair kills life.

Gareth and Corby.

That's my kind of doctor.

Here's one from an anonymous person.

He says, um, good morning Buck Corn.

A coconut husk works very well as an emergency toothbrush.

A coconut.

Ah, that's a great suggestion.

Where am I going to get a coconut?

These are all tropical solutions.

We need some local solutions.

Here is another one.

Carpet, curtains, menus, and depending on its strength, hotel wifi can be used to clean teeth.

It's true, isn't it?

They advertise those sonic toothbrushes.

So maybe if you just tuned a radio into a very high frequency and pressed it to the teeth,

it would kind of vibrate the dirt off.

I think Florence and the Machine have the same sort of effect.

If you direct their music directly into your mouth, it'll strip.

The only problem is you have to keep the volume down, otherwise it strips the enamel right off.

Here's a good one.

John and Michelle say, hello, Adam and Joe.

Regarding teeth, we've always used Sambuca to clean both morning, noon and night whilst at a festival.

Just like mouthwash.

Nice gargle.

Yeah, there we go.

You could also use, um, what's the stuff they used to, like their artists used to use that was banned for a long time, um, that sent people insane?

You know what I'm talking about, listeners!

Absinthe!

Absinthe.

Nice little Absinthe gargoyle.

Last thing at night, give you nice funny dreams.

Somebody says apparently if you rub half a strawberry on your teeth, that works too.

Is that true?

That can't be true.

They're a sugary treat.

Surely that just works to eliminate the teeth from the equation.

That sounds a little bit like nonsense nonsense nonsense

Let's have some more music right now.

And after this, I think we should have some Glastonbury band facts.

Oh, I was excited.

You know, this is the number one fact station.

People listen to our show to get hard news, political opinion and hard factual stuff.

So that's coming up after this.

We have got for you, listeners, some classic XTC.

And are you going to fire this off right from the beginning?

Because it's very quiet.

Let's fire it off, James.

Oh, I love this from 1982 since it's working overtime.

Oh, wouldn't it be great if XTC were ever tempted out onto the stage again here at Glastonbury and I would jump up and down to that one if they played it and all the other ones that they would play.

But it's just a pipe dream.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music live at the Glastonbury Festival.

Now, if you go to bbc.co.uk slash Glastonbury, you will see sort of live webcam coverage of the site.

And if you were watching that during the last record and you saw the webcam going a bit crazy, zooming in in a chaotic manner, then that was because that was me, because they foolishly put the controls to it in our portacabin.

And I went over there and started messing around with the joystick.

And it's fun.

You have to be careful what you point it at.

You're not allowed to.

You have to respect people's privacy.

Sure.

Make sure you do general views as a rule.

But it's nice to have control of a BBC camera.

You know, a lot of people get very angry about the way that concerts are covered on television.

Right.

Don't they?

They think they don't like it when the editing gets crazy, when people cover stuff in close ups.

A lot of people like to see just a wide of the performance.

Do you ever feel like that when you watch a concert on telly?

But you see a lot of letters of complaints on points of view and stuff that the vision mixers are trying to get to fancy pants Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, you don't you don't look as if you've got anything to say well, that's just um, that's just pointless Quibbling though, isn't it?

You want it to be covered as what you want it to sound?

I think their argument is that a stage show is designed to be seen as like a wide shot by the audience So that's that's if you're there live.

Yeah, you don't telly you

You want it to be exactly like a tele-programme with all close-ups and... You want it to be 3D.

Yeah.

I know what you mean.

I think some listeners will understand what I'm getting on about.

No, I don't think they will.

Don't you?

No, I don't think anyone will.

I'm wasting my time.

Totally wasting your time.

Anyway, it was fun to have control of a camera, and I've put it in a very nice wide shot there of the pyramid stage.

So if you get annoyed at the style of coverage on the BBC's television coverage,

It's Cornball Squad.

It's not Cornball Squad.

You can tune into Corn Cam, which just has a very boring wide shot of proceedings that stays there the whole time.

And that's not true because I won't be controlling that camera.

Set the controls for the heart of the corns.

Let's have some band facts, why not?

BAND FACTS!

Was that it?

Didn't we have a different jingle last year?

We got a few.

Wasn't there a better one last year?

Well there's not like a proper jingle it's just sort of stabs we call them.

That was good.

Do you have another stab?

Glastonbury band facts.

That's better.

It's more serious, Sam.

That is more serious.

Because what you're just about to hear now is some important facts about one of the headline acts from the festival this year.

Tonight, you two will be stepping onto the stage after Morrissey has left...

The crowd will be whipped up into a state of feverish excitement as Bonio and the rest of the boys step on.

Here are some facts about what I think we can still call at least one of the biggest bands in the world.

Chumbawumba.

Slash universe.

I think they're bigger than Chumbawumba.

What?

U2.

I think they are bigger than Chumbawumba.

Did you know

Bono, or to give him his full, long name, Paul Bonus, has pretended to be Irish for most of his life.

He actually grew up in Queensland, Australia, where all the queens come from, and he worked there as a drag queen until he could afford to buy a top-of-the-line utility vehicle in which he would drive around singing ABBA songs.

And people would often see Bonus driving around and shout, look at that ute!

I did know that, yeah.

So when it came time to form a band, he decided to call it Beautiful Ute, and then Musical Ute, and then finally just changed it to Ute.

Ooh!

I did know that.

Everybody knows that, obviously.

I'm starting with the stuff that everyone knows.

Tell us something we don't know.

Alright, the edge has a ledge on which it grows veg.

Mmm.

Did you know that?

I don't know.

I question the veracity of that.

I mean, it rhymes.

Most things that rhyme are true.

Listen.

I'll give you that.

I included it here because it's surprising that not only does it rhyme, it's also true.

Say it again.

The edge has a ledge on which he grows veg.

Like a window ledge.

Exactly.

He grows veg on his window ledge.

Yeah, he's got a box there.

It used to be him and David Gedge from The Wedding Present used to grow veg on the ledge.

But then David Gedge went off and he got an allotment.

Drummer Larry Mullen from the band U2 is the youngest member of the group by quite some way.

He's 12.

And Larry is paid in DS games and sherbet flying saucers and Nerf guns.

Really?

Other foamy guns are available.

But his prized possession in the Nerf armory of Larry Mullen is the Ultimatron Dominator Max.

It requires five men to assemble and carry it.

Currently that job is done by Westlife.

Will that be part of the show tonight?

That was a very patrician.

Well, again, you know, you've just Wikipedia'd these facts and it shows a lack of effort.

You knew that one, did you?

I mean, you're just going to read stuff off Wikipedia.

I bet you didn't know this.

Well, actually, people do know this.

Bono and his wife Colleen Nolan have 27 children who all have special powers.

They live in an academy in Brighton where they're taught how to use those powers by Patrick Stewart.

I think it's Tim Allen runs that school.

Is it?

Yeah.

Stuart retired.

He did retire.

You're absolutely right.

So if you're going to tell us stuff we already know, get it right, why don't you?

Sometimes these facts go wrong.

Did you know that extra security has been laid on tonight here at Glastonbury because of all the famous and controversial people who have turned up to see the band perform, including the Pope?

Salman Rushdie, Tony Blair, George Bush, George Galloway, Andy Crane, Davina McCall, Bass Hunter, and Prestong from The Ordinary Boys.

Prestong.

The biggest name of all.

Yeah, I mean, Prestong is, he needs the most amount of security.

Well, he's actually being... Because of the way he treated Chantel.

yeah he has to be shot here in an underground tube does he at high speed because it's just too dangerous for him to come any other way you know a star like beyonce can come in a chopper sure which is of course vulnerable to missile attack preston can't be exposed to that kind of danger so he has to be shot shot down and reinforced down one of the post offices underground tubes as we know that the post office has a network of underground tubes under the country

Down which they fire post it's the same tube that they used to fire Winston Churchill to all the festivals in yeah And now it's being used by press dong final fact you too, and this is very topical they own Greece I don't know if you knew that mm-hmm And they are responsible for running it into the ground at the moment in order that they can use it as a private holiday village at weekends

Now that one I didn't know.

When I found that I was pretty shocked.

That's disgusting.

We should mount some sort of a protest.

Well, maybe I'll be out there protesting tonight.

I don't know.

Let's have some more music right now.

It's time for the caveman!

Bong!

That's Sleigh Bells with Rill Rill.

That's out on Monday the 27th of June from their debut album, Treats, out now.

Adam and Joe here live at Glastonbury Festival.

Yeah, and don't forget you can text us 64046 or the Twitter is at BBC Adam and Joe.

Hello to Twit Squadron who are Twittering.

I see that Wickwalks is doing some Twittering there.

I feel particular affection towards Wick-Wox and her... is that how Wick-Wox is a lady, isn't it?

And her dad, who sent us in that amazing jingle the other week.

Do you remember?

Oh, is that Wick-Wox?

Yeah.

Also known as...

Roo.

There you go.

Cyber Ruby.

Hello you guys, thanks for joining in.

It's exciting to be doing this on a Friday, don't you think?

So are they actually at the festival then?

I don't think so.

They're at home.

They are at home and here is an email from someone else who is at home.

He's called Luke.

He's from Burton-on-Trent.

Whilst I'm sure you're having a splendid and tremendous time at Glastonbury this year, I think you should spare a thought for those who didn't manage to get tickets.

I fall into this category and in my fit of despair decided that I'd organise a miniature festival in my back garden for around 15 of my closest pals.

Rather than the pyramid stage, we have a moderately sized gazebo.

Instead of having live bands, we're going to watch BBC highlights.

And in place of the excellent variety of attractions, we're going to draw pictures and make friendship bands.

We've called it Grastonbury because it takes place on grass rather than mud.

So that's exciting, isn't it?

That's a good idea.

That's a very good idea.

Who have they got for security, though?

Probably mum.

Mum.

She's going to come round.

She's going to be incredibly officious.

If anyone wants to go to the lab, she's not going to let them in unless they've got the right wristbands.

There's nothing more fearsome than an angry mum.

How tight is your wristband?

Because you know when you come in what you have to do is you exchange your ticket.

How tight is your wristband?

For a wristband and the officials put the wristband on you and they make it really really tight so that it can't come off and you can't take it off yourself and transfer it to someone else.

And they clamp it with a special kind of plastic clamp thing.

I notice yours are quite loose.

I managed to circumvent my clamp.

How did you do it?

Well, did you do it Houdini style one of Houdini's techniques when they put a straitjacket on he would expand his chest and breathe out So however tight the audience person strapped it on he could then just breathe out and he'd have a bit of wriggle room No, I let them put it on fine because they know all those tricks this I mean you can't do that with your wrist Certainly if my wrists like a little twig, there's no muscle there nothing to expand expand your wrist It's the only part of your body that it's impossible to expand.

Oh, no, there's an Except for your mind

Yeah, so no, what I did is I just bit into it.

I just bit into the plastic twazzle that is attaching it last night, because I don't like to go to sleep... So you undid it and did it up again?

Yes, I don't like to go to sleep with anything on my wrists, you know?

I like to be absolutely nude the way I entered the world when I go to sleep at night, you know?

Fluffy cuffs?

No fluffy cuffs, I take those off and... What do you do with your studded bracelets?

I hang up all my studded bracelets.

What about your dog collar?

My nipple clamps, I put them on the bedside table.

The dog collar I take off, I take my leather chaps off.

You'll never get those tats off though.

Those dolphin tats.

Oh, no, the dolphin tats.

I scrape them off.

Do you?

Yeah, and I apply them fresh every morning.

That's why I look so raw and red sometimes in the mornings.

It's a nice image, isn't it?

But I don't like to have anything at all on me, so I removed it.

I bit the plastic thing back on.

You didn't.

And if they're listening now...

They're going to probably gang up on me and beat me to a pulp because you're really not allowed to do that.

It invalidates the actual past.

It's a very risky business that I'm involved in.

But I'm sort of hoping that because I'm doing a show for the BBC here, I might be able to get around it somehow.

But I'm wishing that I never even started speaking about it, because I'm gonna be beaten up now by the- You're gonna be thrown off the site.

Security guys, yeah.

It was stupid.

I'm quite a stupid guy in a way, aren't I?

You shouldn't be broadcasting here.

No, I'm totally irresponsible.

What would Taffin have to say about that?

Well, exactly.

We should have some kind of Taffin flash mob with Black Squadron at some point, don't you think?

Uh, possibly.

We should.

The word flash mob- You don't like the word flash mob.

It creeps me out.

What other word can we use for flash mob?

Instant party.

Yeah, uh, yeah.

Instant party, yeah.

Let's have a tap-in instant party.

If you're listening right now, come on, let's put them in the mood with a little bit of, uh, Bronnholm.

Then maybe you shouldn't be living here!

And, you know, we got some Hindi Bronhomme as well that was sent in by someone.

Shall we play that later, James?

Let's play that later.

We'll tease that.

We could have some music.

Yeah.

Let's have some music right now.

And who have we got coming up?

Oh, yeah, this is my free choice.

Yeah.

A bit of David Bowie.

I mean, he was one of the first people to play at the Glastonbury Festival when he was just an unknown hippie man.

Yeah.

Is that true?

What year was that then?

Oh, I don't know.

Early, early.

I mean, 71, 72.

We should find out about that.

And he was invited back, of course.

The next time he played at Glastonbury after that was 2000.

That was the first year that we came to Glastonbury to cover it for BBC Three, BBC Choice, as it was then on the telly when we were allowed.

But he didn't come and see us.

On the telly, no.

He threatened him.

But he didn't.

But for that gig Bowie grew his hair.

I heard this on a program on Six Music all about Glastonbury and it would be lovely to think that it was actually true.

But Bowie apparently for that gig in 2000 grew his hair to the length that it would have been when he first played at Glastonbury.

And then he also had a reproduction made of the costume that he wore, the big lady dress thing that he wore.

So he stepped out onto the stage looking more or less exactly as he would have done a few hundred years beforehand, except obviously a little bit more craggly, but still beautiful.

And here is one of my favorite Bowie songs, must have been inspired by Glastonbury to some degree, Memory of a Free Festival, and this is one of the versions you can get on one of the reissues of the album Space Oddity.

And it's got the best hippie festival lyrics ever.

There's one bit in there, one passage, and I always imagine

David is a youngster going home to his mum after the festival and she says, how was the festival, darling?

Yes, it was great, mum.

We scanned the skies with rainbow eyes and saw machines of every shape and size.

We talked with tall Venusians passing through and Peter tried to climb aboard but the captain shook his head and away they soared, climbing through the ivory vibrant clouds and someone passed some bliss amongst the crowd.

Then we walked back to the road, unchained,

That's nice, darling.

So here you go.

Here's the real thing.

This is David Bowie with memory of a free festival.

Yes.

That's fantastic.

David Bowie there with memory of a free festival.

Yeah, so there's a guy here who wants to capture just one drop of all the ecstasy that's swept in the afternoon, then paint that love upon a white balloon, which he wants to fly from the top of all the tops that man has pushed beyond his brain.

No, sorry, mate, you can't do that.

You can have a balloon, but you can't paint it with any kind of ecstasy whatsoever, and I'm afraid you don't have the right wristband to get to the top of all the tops that man has pushed beyond his brain.

So I'm afraid you'll just have to go back to the mud field there and sit in the mud for a while.

This is Adam and Joe broadcasting live from the Glastonbury Music Festival.

Hello listeners.

Don't forget you can get all your Glastonbury needs fulfilled without even coming to the festival by staying tuned to 6music.

Steve LaMack is on After Us.

He'll have Jeremy Hardy and Billy Bragg.

Laverne is after that.

McConie, Matthews and Keaveney.

Then LaMack is back.

What an incredible line-up.

Lauren is going to be talking to Mumford & Sons, or at least two of Mumford & Sons.

And they are going to be playing, of course, tonight on the other stage.

The other stage is sort of the cool stage.

Right.

Festival, I think.

The pyramid stage is where all the heavy hitters

can be found, but headlining the other stage tonight are Primal Scream, Mumford and Sons before them, Fleet Foxes are on there tonight, you've got the Wombats and the Vaccines before that, Bright Eyes, it's all happening, Chipmunk, he's just come on stage, I think, over on the other stage.

Chippy, little Chippy.

halfway through halfway through his set.

We spoke to Emmy the Great yesterday or at least Emma Lee Moss from Emmy the Great and we're going to play you that interview a little bit later on.

One thing we should say is we'll have a lot of live music from the festival tomorrow and Sunday.

At the moment though obviously the thing's only just gearing up but this is definitely the place to come to hear the sets as they happen.

But right now before the news let's have some orange juice ah this is a track that we both

feel very fond of, isn't it, Joe?

Yeah, what one is it?

I Can't Help Myself from 1982 from their album Rip It Up.

This is Orange Juice.

The sound of the summer.

That's a fantastic new band called Orange Juice.

That's called I Can't Help Myself.

Oh, that's not a good voice at all.

I was experimenting.

That's the voice of a seventies DJ who is now in prison.

Yeah.

Dirty Phil Philpott.

He moved to Prague and then things went downhill.

Oh What a beautiful morning

It's disgusting.

And it is still a beautiful morning, only just here at Glastonbury, but the clouds are gathering and the forecast... It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

It's not good.

I mean, just the idea that there's heavy rain forecast later today is bumming me out.

It's like a giant cloud fruit machine.

You know, every five or ten minutes God pulls the handle, all the fruity signs roll round, stormy cloud, blue sky.

You know, light cloud.

And at the moment it's a mixture of everything.

Nobody knows what's going to happen.

But that adds to the thrills.

Yeah, I suppose so.

But there's going to be a lot of mud here.

I tell you, if the sky's open, it's already very muddy.

It's going to be an absolute mess factor if the rain comes down.

So listen.

That's a good sentence, wasn't it?

Very happy with that.

It's 11.30 here on BBC6Music and it's time for the news.

It's the mighty HID with no surprises there.

Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.

Of course, Tom York and Johnny Greenwood were one of the surprise guests on the park stage last year.

They popped out and played a blinder.

There's a very sweet photograph here on our script of Tom that I think was taken there, wasn't it?

Yeah, he's got his little stripey bandana on and he's smiling very sweetly and having a terrific time.

It was a great moment from last year's festival.

And right now, I think it's time we had some eggcorns.

Let's have the jingle.

Somebody's been ear-dropping on me And now I'm suffering their strings and arrows, can't you see?

I was standing on the curve like a jester of goodwill But now I'm curled up in the feeble position still Cause of my Eggcorns When it comes to eggcorn business Eggcorns I'm like Farmer Heck in Christmas Eggcorns The boss will call the kettle back

Wow, I love a bit of metal.

It's packed with eggcorns, that metal.

Here's a message right now from Tony.

He is a gay mailman, and he says, Hi Adam and Joe.

My mate Matt came out with a classic eggcorn a few weeks ago.

I told him that I'd got round to watching the most recent Harry Potter film, and it was pretty much meh.

He said, yeah, it was something of a damp squid.

I asked him what he meant and he said, you know, when you order some fried calamari and the batter's a little bit disappointing and damp.

Turns out he's been saying damp squid for years and he's worked out a whole reasoning for it.

Well, the reasoning is obvious.

I mean, they're aquatic creatures, so they're constantly damp.

Of course, yeah.

Beyond that, it's hard then to connect it to, you know, the idea of disappointment.

Because you shouldn't be disappointed by a squid being damp, should you?

It should be something you expect.

Yes, well, Tom specifically is talking about the disappointment that you feel when your calamari is damp, not sufficiently crispy.

And that, he thinks, is the genesis of the phrase... Sorry, I forgot to listen to that bit.

...damp squid.

I like it when they work out, because it's nice, you sort of work out the logic for it, for yourself, for your mistake, and you think, yeah, so the mistake holds water perfectly.

It's better, he's improved it.

Absolutely happy with the mistake.

Here's one from Sean.

He says, dear Alan and John, I witnessed a possible egg corn a few years ago, or it may be a common or garden malapropism.

but I'm not sure when one of my mam's friends said now mams or marms he's either very posh or from the north maybe he's talking about the queen there when one of mom's friends when one of mom's friends said she was going to buy blatant leather shoes to finish off an outfit

My ma'am, ma'am, my ma'am assiduously avoided eye contact with me.

A knotted encouragement to her friend.

Since then I've seen many ladies disporting themselves in blatant leather shoes.

Cheery bye, Sean!

That's a good email, Sean.

Not only is it a good eggcorn, but you use the words malapropism.

assiduously and disporting.

Very nice.

And that is the kind of email we like.

So it almost certainly is about the Queen there.

Yeah, that's from Willy.

It's from Willy.

Pretending to be Sean.

A lor-a-lor-a-pres-a-Willies.

But that's one of the times that an egg corn improves on the reality though, isn't it?

Calling it blatant leather.

That's poetical.

it is poetic because blake leather is so shiny and ninnio face don't you think yeah here's another one from abby lawley who's a shishi in a recent meeting one of my work colleagues was asking other people in our company to help out since we were short-staffed he said that we needed people to help hold the fork

I think he meant fort.

We all fell about laughing and bring it up whenever we can, much to his anoyment.

Yeah, anoyment, no.

Michael Neumann.

But he hasn't thought, or she hasn't thought that one through, because what's the internal logic for hold the fork?

When are you in a situation where you need someone to help you hold a fork?

You've got a particularly tough bit of meat.

Have you got some heavy meat?

And it's on the, oh mate, is there any way you can help me hold the fork here?

Otherwise this makes no- He's really got a sore at that meat and it's moving to and fro across the plate.

And the lolly beef never gonna make it to my mouth unless you help me hold the thought in here.

Here's one right now from Connor.

He's a male who is also a man.

He says dearest corn dust and attack the buckles.

He's got it kind of the wrong way around there, but maybe that's deliberate.

This is a literal bombardment of eggcorns that arose from a conversation with a group of co-workers in a quite bullish attempt to crack the mentioned-on-the-radio show Crux that has held us back from global domination until now.

It appears to be working, Connor.

The fate of our collective lives now rests in your Robin Williams-esque hairy sasquatch hands.

Other hairy actor men are available.

Up until her mid-twenties, a work colleague thought that duct tape was actually duct tape.

Up until a month ago, another man thought that the Neil Diamond song Forever in Blue Jeans was The Reverend Blue Jeans, a song about a cool priest.

Yet another thought it was Wind Cheetah, not Wind Cheetah.

And finally, I once found myself... And finally, I myself thought that it was Gullible's Travels about the travels of a very gullible sailor.

It's a common one, I think, that one.

Yeah, Gullibles Travels.

He says, if this doesn't make the show, then I have failed you, I have failed you all, he says to his work colleagues, and I really shouldn't be living here!

Bye, says Connor, a male who is also a man.

Thank you very much indeed for all those egg corns.

Did a good job there.

Have you got one more there, Corn Dust, or is that it?

No.

All right, Jay Corn.

Let's have some music right now.

And after this track from Pink Floyd, we're going to be having a beautiful lady woman in the studio.

A woman.

Her name is Sinead Garvin, and she's going to be here with the music news.

So stay tuned for that.

But right now, here is Pink Floyd from 1967.

This is See Emily Play.

There you go.

Apparently Sid Barrett wrote that song, says here on our script, about a girl he saw sleeping in the woods.

What was she doing sleeping in the woods there?

You should have helped her out.

She's a nymph.

Is she a nymph?

She's a lovely nymph, yeah.

A fairy woodland nymph.

Right.

It's very romantic.

I think it's a lovely song.

Yeah, I'm not saying it's not a lovely song.

Anyway, we've been joined by another fairy woodland nymph.

That's quite factualizing, isn't it?

Sinead.

Hey, how you doing, Sinead?

Hello, I'm good.

How are you?

Yeah, very nice.

We're going to fade up your mic if you want.

Oh, yeah.

Hello.

Now you are the news person here, aren't you?

You're going around the site with a very serious face on.

You're the John Snow of rock.

I am.

I like that.

And you're gathering the rock news, the latest rock gossip.

I am.

I'm going to be based at the park stage for most of the weekend which is very exciting.

It's probably my favourite place at Glastonbury I have to say.

Why?

In my non journalistic capacity.

Why is that?

You just like the general tone of the bands there?

I like the line up this year up there.

I think I'm quite happy to be based there.

Who have we got?

Who's the heavy hitters on the park stage tonight then?

Well, tonight we have Crystal Castles.

They're not my personal favourite, but they're worth seeing.

But Tame Impala tomorrow is my big tip.

Tame Impala?

Yeah, have you not heard of them?

Oh, Tame Impala!

I thought it was a person called Tame Impala.

I have heard of Table Father, they're good.

Wild beasts are on tomorrow.

We might be hooking up with wild beasts.

We're having a little chin time.

We've got caribou tonight as well, which I'm quite excited about.

Caribou, crystal castles.

I'm just looking at the programme now.

So do you think the park stage is considered Mo high-profile and more prestigious than the John Peel stage for a band then?

That's a move up.

I'm thinking about Wild Beasts were playing in the John Peel tent last year, now they're on the park stage.

Is the career moving in the right direction for them?

Well they're headlining the park stage so that's the thing.

I don't listen... That's good.

Yeah, yeah.

So but they're kind of two stages.

John Peel's sort of I think revered higher than the park stage but it's obviously better if you're headlining the stage.

but the big thing about the park stage is the two special guests so we have one tonight eight o'clock yeah and then one tomorrow at quarter to eight so lots of rumors flying about who it might be beatles uh yes i hear the beatles yeah with um anton deck filling in for george

Why are you ruining it for everyone?

I'm sorry, this is just what I've heard!

It's all on the lowdown.

Instead of George and John.

Right, okay.

But Paul and Ringo, you know, for a long time, they were thinking, who's going to replace... I heard High Five.

Did you?

Yeah, the toddler band.

Right.

Because the kids here, they're not really, you know, entertained by kid level bands and High Five are huge.

Yeah, they're very big.

Amongst the under fives.

I've also heard The Wiggles, don't know what you've heard about that.

yeah no that's not on my radar but good tip good tip I'll start spreading that around yeah um but the likes of the Killers and Kings of Leon and Arcade Fire and Radiohead all these names and some others they're all around yeah they're all the names flying around the campsite

But those are the names that are bandied around more or less every year though.

People sort of fantasize about what band it would be most amazing to see suddenly pop out.

What happens when a huge band does come out onto the park stage?

I mean is that area just completely mobbed then and it becomes a sort of disaster area?

Do the security have to be careful about how many people they let in or what?

Well the idea is that you keep it really quiet so there won't be that many people there so it's kind of like just special for those sort of people there but because there's big names flying around I think it is going to be pretty crazy.

Well the Ant and Dec fans are going to be mobbing.

And you're taking a gamble there aren't you because stages it takes a long time to get between stages so do you go for a surefire thing somebody who's on the bill or do you risk it?

and go for the mystery act.

Because who have we got on the pyramid stage at that point?

Eight o'clock we are looking at Morrissey.

So that's a big, big draw for a lot of people.

Some people might be disappointed if high five turn up.

I don't know.

My fingers are crossed.

I'm willing to miss Morrissey for the chance that either the Wiggles or Scooch turn up on the park stage.

That to me would be amazing.

Or the Wiggles and Scooch.

Of course the big headline is a U2 tonight and how are people feeling about that?

Well of course this is kind of controversial.

I mean they were supposed to play last year and then Bono hurt his back.

I say hurt, I think it was a bit more serious than that.

But he's back this year and they're in the middle of their 360 tour which is the highest grossing tour ever now.

Is it?

Yeah, they're having to massively downscale to play Glastonbury.

What do they do in the 360 tour?

Have you not seen the footage yet?

They just play Xbox.

They do some multiplayer kart racing.

And people love it and they're playing a lot of money to see it.

You can play against Bono.

But they're losing a lot of money playing Glastonbury, over £1.5 million.

Oh mate.

But see this is the problem, people aren't happy with Bono at the moment.

Why, what's he done?

well they're paying their taxes in a different country and so there's a few protests going ahead today apparently there's going to be some people in banners but generally this is what people, bono banners yeah no to bono that kind of thing but generally this is what people are feeling about tonight's gig.

I don't like Bono.

Although they speak for a lot of things, the fact that he doesn't pay any tax in the country and his music's terrible, all of those things combined mean that I'm not going to go watching.

U2 are amazing.

U2 are really good.

They are a brilliant band.

Basically, your fare, which you pay to get in, which is £200, is paid just by watching U2.

We like the songs, just we don't like Bono.

U2 are middle of the road paps.

I'd watch him if Bono paid his tax.

I'd obviously be a fat boy slim.

I'll be at the Pyramid Stage as close as I can.

Very excited.

My favourite band.

That's a massive hit.

It's a beautiful day.

I'd just like to say, none of those people are Irish, so I don't know what they're moaning about the tax business for.

You know, I'd watch him if he paid his tax.

So that's for me the most important thing.

I like to know that the tax affairs of any band that I'm seeing are absolutely in order and that their accountant is on top of it, that they declared everything that they should declare and that there are no little loopholes there.

I don't like listening to artists who have any outstanding parking tickets.

I hate that.

It's terrible.

I don't like that at all.

Or a dirty car.

If I find out, for example, that War Paint, who are on this afternoon, four feisty young ladies, have not got their VAT in order and properly dealt with, I'm going to be very angry and I'll have to throw up.

But do you really think that's genuinely reflective of the strength of opinion out there?

That was a classic BBC balanced package there.

You had all sorts of opinions.

How serious do you think this is?

Well I just had a look out there, there's already quite a few people out there in their chairs and they're just there waiting for you two right near the front and then you've got some other people who aren't going to be happy.

They divide opinion, you two, don't they?

So the protesters are already camping out there.

And the fans.

Arm in arm.

Are they arm in arm or are they pushing each other around a little bit?

Just fighting.

Could rucks actually break out, do you think?

I think so, yeah.

Yeah, I've heard murmurs.

Guys, guys, hey guys.

How's Bono going to deal with it?

Bono, he's just going to lay his hands on them.

The trick is to turn the music up very loud, plunge the audience into darkness, and that's it.

Bono's a pro though, he's not going to acknowledge any skirmishes and scuffles at the front, or is he?

He's just going to plough on.

Exactly, and I think the weight of people who are there enjoying it are going to sort of...

It's a storm in a teacup, a fuss about nothing.

Is it?

I don't know, I'm just saying those things.

Blocky, knocky, knee-heeler, purification.

No, that's the opposite of a storm in a teacup.

What?

Yeah, it's a bit of fun factoid for you.

When I see Banno later on, I'm going to chat to him about all this.

Okay, do.

Send him my regards.

Tell him to pay his tax.

If you're listening, Banno, I don't mind what you do with your tax.

Let's hang out later on and have a terrific time on your helicopter.

Thank you so much Sinead for talking to us today.

Enjoy the rest of the festival.

Are we going to check in with Sinead before?

Yeah.

We'll see you again tomorrow maybe.

Yes indeed.

Look forward to it.

I mentioned War Paint there.

Here is a track by them.

They're playing later on.

The Park Stage.

In the afternoon.

Another groovy band on the Park Stage.

This is Undertow.

That was Constellations by Darwin Dees.

He'll be joining Stuart McConie here from five o'clock on BBC Six Music.

But this is Adam and Joe.

Hey, how are you doing, listeners?

We're live at the Glastonbury Festival.

It's exciting.

It's very exciting.

It's just getting underway, the festival.

Who's on the pyramid stage right now?

Uh, Metronomy have just stepped onto the stage there, although we can't hear them pounding through the portacabin here.

Slightly disappointing.

Their sound tests were deafening.

Yeah, well they were sound testing for the giant tax-dodging U2 laser.

Really?

Maybe they turn the speakers around or something and aim it at us when they're testing.

Or maybe Metronomy broadcast directly into the minds of their audience.

I could hear that.

That was the sound of we're opening the door to the portacabin.

Do you need to sort of point your mic out there?

But yeah, that was the band coming on stage.

It must have been.

Yeah.

Close the door.

Very exciting.

So my arm hurts.

Well, that's exciting.

I mean, go, go for it.

Tell us about it.

Sinead didn't mention that before, did she?

She didn't.

And that's... Whoa!

Mytronomy just wobbled our portacabin.

That is the sound of Glastonbury.

That's what we want to hear.

Come on.

That's vibrating my butox.

That is getting me a little bit turned on, isn't it?

Yep.

So, uh... It's like sitting on a giant rock washing machine.

Sure it is.

Howard Stern did that, didn't he?

He sort of played very basic things and encouraged people to sit on the speakers.

It's exciting.

Someone's car alarm's gone off.

Can you hear that?

A load of car alarms.

It's shaking the ground.

Now that the Tron are in the house.

Whoa!

Cows are collapsing on the spot.

Flipping heck, Tucker.

Corn is being vibrated out of the fields.

I mean, that's it more or less for the rest of the show, isn't it?

Local cottages are tumbling down.

This is like, um... This is like my worst nightmare in a way, you know?

Hearing music... I've just closed the door, so that's all fine now.

It makes no difference at all!

That's very loud.

I think we said this earlier, but we think that people at the BBC, what with the cuts and everything, they haven't been able to afford a proper porter cabin.

So they made one out of cardboard and put some grass on it.

Greengrocer's grass.

And they thought, yeah, that'll do the job.

And then people won't be able to complain about the BBC.

But this is good.

I like having the, you know, having the back.

We've never had a music bed on our show.

No.

People used to encourage us to have like a beat underneath our links.

Yes, to cover up all the... We resisted it.

Now we've got it.

Like it or not.

Metronomy, very nice.

It's a live metronomy bed.

Are we going to try and talk to Metronomy later on?

Yeah, we're going to try and hook up with them.

Joe and I thought it would be a fun thing to do to play some improvised very bad keyboards to them.

You say very bad.

I thought my keyboard playing in the other show was very good.

And to be honest, my approach is that their stuff's very easy to play, very easy to write.

You should tell them that.

And I'm going to tell them that.

And I'm going to write some songs for them.

And I may well be better than this.

I look forward to that.

None of that's true.

Hey, so my arm, right?

Yeah.

It hurts.

Your right arm, right?

My right arm, right, yes.

Yesterday I was on my bicycle, which I've brought up with me on the train.

It's lovely to ride around the beautiful hills around this part of the world.

Right.

Get to the festival every day and keep the world green.

I don't want to kill the planet.

I don't know about you, but I don't like to take motorized transport when I'm going to my festival.

I like to go on my bike.

And yesterday when I was leaving Wells, the town, Hot Fuzz Central, where we're staying, I was crossing one of the... You know down on the side of the road in the high street there, they've got these shallow drainage troughs.

Sure.

Where the rain water goes.

It's a lovely feature of English villages.

Yeah.

and I was crossing one of those on my bike but they're very slippy and slimy and all the rainwater was running down there's loads of algae that's grown on there so I lost control of my front wheel and the bike just got out of control and I went tumbling and I absolutely became a massive Steve Cropper right in the middle of the high street there and it was spectacular went right over my handlebars and landed very awkwardly on my right arm.

Were people watching?

Loads of people watching.

You made a spectacle of your

I made an absolute spectacle of myself, thought I'd broken my arm.

I mean, it was really agonocious.

And so I got up and I was dusting my... There was no question of me regaining my cool or composure or trying to sort of laugh the incident off.

I was really shocked and totally ignored.

No one told her hair.

Everyone just walked on, didn't say anything.

Well that's a sign of something that is truly, truly humiliating.

Yes, that no one knew how to deal with it.

Because usually you get a couple of people, like I've wiped out a few times on my bike, and usually people sort of go, ooh, are you okay?

One woman came out of her shop and she said, you all right?

And I said, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

She said, you should get out of the road.

There's a lot of cars and trucks coming.

Thanks very much!

I know that woman.

She's lovely.

She's very friendly.

She's really come out of her shop recently.

She's finally come out of her shop.

What are you doing lying there in a pool of blood?

There's cars and trucks coming along.

You should get out of the road.

Stupid boy, stupid hairy little man.

We're going to be talking to Emmy.

Listen to that.

Can you hear that, listeners?

Yeah, that's pounding, isn't it?

the thumping metronomic sound of metronomy.

Wow, we may as well be just playing that track.

Let's play a record and I want to go out there and feel the feel the vibes, the thumps.

Yeah, well, we're going to play some Anna Calvi.

And after this, we will play you a package, a pre-recorded package that we recorded yesterday when we bumped into Emily Moss, she of Emmy the Great, who's playing later on here in Glastonbury.

And she was joined by her her boyfriend, Tim Wheeler.

Give it up, give it up.

We'll be hearing that after this from Anna Calvi.

We're here with Emily Moss, aka Emmy the Great.

Well, aka one part of Emmy the Great.

How are you doing, Emma?

I'm alright.

I'm a bit kind of frazzled because I just got here and it's muddy, but sunny.

I don't know how to feel.

Yeah, you can feel fine.

And you're playing tomorrow with your band, is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

On the Oxliers West stage.

You're playing three different sets, aren't you?

You're doing a set with your full band, am I right?

Yeah.

Yes.

And you're doing an acoustic set, am I right?

That's right.

Yes, two out of three.

And you're also doing an entirely Cantonese set.

I wish.

Yeah.

There should be a Cantonese stage.

What happens when you go off the beaten track as far as your, like do you ever do weird covers and stuff?

Ironic covers of 90s dance hits like On a Ragger Tip?

We should.

I haven't heard that particular song but I'll probably be playing it tomorrow now.

It's going to be hard to figure out the instrumentation.

I mean, it's quite drum and bass driven.

That's what would make it so very funny to have a folk type band playing dance songs.

It'd be like when Travis did Hit Me Baby one more time.

Yes, exactly.

It was incongruous.

Now, I hope you won't mind me saying, but you've got your boyfriend here and he's staring menacingly at me and Joe and he looks exactly like Tim Wheeler from Ash.

He's really mean.

Why does he look so much like Tim Wheeler from Ash?

I don't know, he just had his hair done the same way.

I'm actually James Blunt.

It's James Blunt from Ash.

Now the reason he looks like Tim Wheeler from Ash is because he is him.

And is this the first time you've been to Glastonbury and not had to work and play your musical songs?

It is, yeah.

How does that feel?

Quite relaxing?

It feels good.

I'm only 10 minutes into it so far, but it feels really good.

I'm looking forward to it.

Are you not tempted to sort of do a surprise appearance with another band?

I think I will pop up on during Emmy the Great's set tomorrow at the end.

Unannounced to the whole band.

The main show.

Yeah.

And will you play one of the songs that you guys play when you're alone on a Sunday afternoon and you hold hands and you harmonize together?

Yes.

That's what happens, right?

Yeah, we're doing Where's My Mind for the Pixies, but maybe I shouldn't give that away.

That's the most romantic song.

And how about, now you must, you know, Tim, you're here as a kind of festival goer, and Emmy, you're here as a kind of performer.

A pooformer.

Has that caused friction in terms of where you're going to stay?

Tonight, we're staying in a hotel.

We're staying at the pike and musket in the street.

Ah, the pike and musket!

That's my favourite pirate pub!

What is a pike?

Is it a fish?

Yeah, it's also a weapon.

Yeah, it's for lazy pirates who shoot fish.

It's like slapping people with it.

Muskets don't work underwater, so I think it's referring to the weapon.

Musket my pike and slap someone with it.

Nice!

That is probably the first made-up joke of the show so far.

Listen, how's this?

I'm thinking of... This is all I've got for my made-up joke.

I haven't got a punchline or anything else.

All I've got is Eavis and Butthead.

That's nice.

It doesn't need a punchline.

A bit of audio.

I'm going to try and dig out some audio to realize my Eavis and Butthead made-up joke.

So listen, we've got off the beaten track.

I was excited about you guys doing Where Is My Mind There for a second.

Let's do a little bit of that.

Can we have a little snatch?

With your feet on the air, your head on the ground

Try this trick and spin it, yeah Your head'll collapse, there's nothing in it And you ask yourself, where is my mind?

Where is my mind?

I was swimming in a cappi and

I said the little fish, bumped into me, swayed, trying to talk to me, caught caught.

Where is my mind?

Yay!

Tim Wheeler and Emmy Limos from Emmy the Great with a little bit of Pixies there.

That's where is my mind.

How was like, I was sat right next to Emma as she was warbling there.

It was as if Joan Bias had suddenly joined the Glastonbury Festival and was applying her talents to indie classics.

Thanks a lot guys.

No worries.

Hey, wonderful to see you both and enjoy your festival, Emma.

Yeah, you too.

Yes, you too will enjoy the festival.

Yes, in your face world!

Take care.

That's the sound of the kills!

With Future, start slow.

Before that, you heard Emmy the Great.

With Iris, look at that picture of the kills there.

Wait, you know what I like there?

I like that exhalation.

The kills!

The kills.

It's like a DJ who's so excited and exhausted.

He can't actually calibrate his breathing correctly.

Look at the picture of the kills.

There's a picture of the kills on our script.

I'm having a look at it.

Where is it?

Am I shouting?

Instead of standing there, there's two fellows in the kills.

One of them is a lady fellow and one of them is a man fellow.

And the man fellow is standing there with a scarf rakishly draped around his scrawny neck.

And he's sort of got his hand in kind of a curious gesture and he's screaming, shouting, he's just shouting.

She's got a ciggy and a cup of coffee.

She's got a ciggy and a cup of coffee and she's like...

I don't care.

And at the moment they look fine doing that because they're still in their late 20s slash early 30s.

But the thing is that when she's about 60 or 70, she's probably still going to be in that pose with her Ziggy in her cup of tea.

Well that's good, the fans...

Very loud.

The fans won't be disappointed then.

There'll be no change.

It'll still be the same old kills when they're old and grey.

Same old kills, yeah.

Excellent job.

I'm turning you down slightly in my headphones.

Oh dear.

No, it's nice, it's nice, it's nice.

It's just you plus Metronomy.

We figured out that the six music portacabin here behind the pyramid stage is acting like an echo chamber.

Yeah.

Because when you step out of this box like we did a second ago to go and see how Metronomy were rocking da fields.

Sure.

We it wasn't so vibe religious.

Mm-hmm.

It's just this special porta-cabin.

That's Capturing and enhancing the vibe brationes.

We are absolutely exactly going to miss metronomy's set Unfortunately, they're finishing as soon as we come off air at one o'clock empty But we will be able to go and see me the great later on.

You know what KMT means new idea Is it dirty nose kiss my teeth kiss my teeth.

Yeah, I

Did you make that one up?

No.

Is that really what young people are saying?

Well, when they like Twitter and text, yeah.

Kiss my teeth.

Is that a good thing?

No, it's dismissive, that kind of thing.

But surely if you offer someone to kiss your teeth and you like them, you really absolutely love them.

That's different.

Is that something people do?

Would you like to kiss my teeth?

You keep your teeth closed and open your lids and the other person goes... on the actual teeth.

I think that's the new sexy thing.

That would be fun, wouldn't it?

Teeth are very sensitive.

They're full of nerves.

They are because you see them on the telly when the man at the station offers the woman the toothpaste.

Do you have sensitive teeth?

Yeah, when my husband kisses them it's overly stimulating.

I need them deadened so that his teeth kissing doesn't arouse me so much.

teeth kissing that's the new thing isn't it because when you're in the first flush of young love you more or less experiment with every single thing you can possibly do yeah so at some point you've got to when you get older you just you just do the one thing over and over again like a sort of steam hammer just pat each other

You pat each other on the head like a steam hammer is what my co-presenter meant.

Now, we were talking about kind of made up jokes there with Emmy the Great a little bit.

I made a reference to a made up joke that I'd sort of begun working on.

The idea of Ivarsson butthead.

Don't don't look so sad.

and rubbed his forehead with the look of a man who's got the cares of the world on his shoulders.

I was just thinking about Bono and then I compounded it by talking about Everson butthead.

Well, look, this is good.

Let's forget about that.

Would it cheer you up to have some kind of audio clip illustration of my Eavis and Butthead joke?

Yes, it definitely would.

Here we go.

I mean, it's an incredible series of flukes, don't you think?

I am Cornholio.

And it just grew and grew and grew.

Yeah, we couldn't stop it, actually.

We couldn't even slow it down, could we?

I eat tippy for my bunghole.

And all through the 80s, it was growing, like, mad.

And we had a good time, actually.

You are a bunghole.

And for mine.

I mean, it hasn't stopped yet either, has it?

Are you threatening me?

Eavis and Butthead.

Come on.

Come along.

Come on.

Heel.

Come on.

Come on, boy.

Here, boy.

Eavis and Butthead.

Good boy.

I love him, bro.

Boggins!

Oh my god, Boggins has responded to that.

I can't believe Boggins has been here all year.

It makes perfect sense that Boggins would be here in the mud and stench and the unflushable toilets.

This is his home from home.

This is where he refreshes his stink and his gland problems.

No, still can't understand.

Nothing.

Apparently, Boggins has been causing some stinky piles in people's tents.

It's like a sort of treasure hunt.

When people go back to their tents, they might find a little gift from Boggins.

He often hides it under the pillow so you don't notice until you tuck your hand under.

No idea, no idea.

I wish he could speak.

Let's get him out.

Kick him out.

Out, Boggins.

Out.

Everybody hates you.

You're the least popular... That is the least popular dog on any kind of radio show.

You know the least popular gimmick character.

He's awful.

Awful.

People hate him.

He makes Arnold on Tony Blackburn's Junior Choice look like a kind of a genius.

He makes Prickles the Cactus seem like... Hey!

Prickles the Cactus is a genius.

He wasn't called Prickles the Cactus.

He was called Oucho.

Oucho, is he?

makes him seem like the king of all mascot characters.

Mr. Blobby.

O-B-E, M-B-E, Order of the Garter.

Did you know that Mr. Blobby got the Order of the Garter?

What?

Yeah, that was a little publicised event.

Anyway, here we go.

12.30.

It's time for the news here on Six Music.

The Stone Roses.

They've never played Glastonbury of course, or at least they played Michael Eavis's mini festival that he has for the locals as a sort of thank you.

After each Glastonbury he puts on a small show for around 500 locals or something and I think the Stone Roses were one of the bands that played that festival.

Do they do that on a point of principle?

Is there any reason they don't play Glastonbury?

No, no, no, they would have done, but I think they split up the year after they played.

So they were at the peak of their powers when they played the mini festival.

Oh, I see.

And then they pretty much just split up.

Missed the bus.

Missed the bus, mate.

It's a shame.

So, folks, coming up shortly, you're going to be able to hear Steve LaMac here on BBC6 Music at one o'clock.

You can go to bbc.co.uk slash Glastonbury if you would like to see Steve with your eyes on the webcams.

They will kick into action.

We are presenting in the nude, so we won't be on the webcams.

No, we're too ugly for the webcams.

And they make me feel a little embarrassed.

And because we are so nude...

This Glastonbury is a time when a mature gentleman can be in the nude and it's acceptable.

Yeah, you know, watching all those docos about Glastonbury and various other festivals recently on the telly like we've done, there was an awful lot of nudity in them days.

You really don't see that much anymore.

There's one old lady over in the healing fields or whatever who's constantly got her whizzing wares out.

the legal status is because in the Glastonbury program this year there is a sort of A to Z and it goes through all the genuine dangers you know to be aware of you know naughty substances and respect the countryside and it tells you all the do's and don'ts and everything that's illegal in the outside world is obviously there's no difference here the same laws apply it's still you know part of the country and obeying its laws but under the letter N is nudity mm-hmm and they have a photo of a man's butox

Now, it wouldn't be legal to walk around naked in the rest of the country, would it?

Would it?

You would be arrested for displaying your bits and bobs.

Because they would shock people.

People have no... People loathe bobs.

I mean, people don't mind.

The opinions are divided on bits.

But the bobs, absolutely not.

They get everywhere.

It's the combination of the bits and the bobs that really cause offence.

You can't control them.

They get everywhere.

But it appears to be maybe legal in Glastonbury.

It's one of those things that people, it's like an understanding that people have.

People love nudity and Glastonbury.

Yeah.

But as far as the outside world goes, not so sure.

So we've got to be careful about that kind of thing on this program.

Let's have a jingle right now and this will explain everything.

I like to change the lyrics of songs from time to time.

To make them refer to things I do.

creation and as far as I'm aware it isn't a crime I wonder if it's something you do too

You see, I would like that.

That could be a metronomy song.

I like that you said this jingle will explain everything.

Yeah.

You didn't like limit it to what's coming up next.

Just everything.

A lot of secrets in there.

A lot of secrets.

It's kind of coded with Masonic and Rosicrucian messages.

Young confused teenagers listening to that will suddenly have the veil pulled away from their eyes about that jingle.

If you've just tuned in Adam and Joe here at Glastonbury and the sound you can hear behind us is the noise of metronomy on the Pyramid stage here, but we are going to do a bit of pop appropriation right now and Let me fire things off for you with this nugget, and this is from Mary She is a black squadron member for years from York, and she says dearest bucktown girl and cornica colors are calling me and

I don't know what that's a reference to.

Oh, is it?

No, it's the photo thing, is it?

I don't know.

I recognize the Billy Joel thing.

I'm lost on this anyway.

She says, I am so upset that you are going to be going off after Glastonbury.

We went off years ago.

Oh, that's true, isn't it?

What on earth will I do on a Saturday morning?

The garden, perhaps, she says dismissively.

Anywho, I always sing these songs to myself.

At the end of the day, when I'm at work, my boss messages me and says simply, tea?

I want to say to her, oh yeah, like I'm so not busy that I can make you tea whenever requested, you giant witch!

A giant witch, wow.

That's something I haven't seen.

Instead, I message back, the kettle's on.

And in my head, I'm singing those words to the tune of Glenn Frey's The Heat Is On.

The kettle's on!

I'm making tea.

The kettle's on.

Ooh, it's on the hob.

Because the kettle's on.

I hoped you were going to do the... I saw you were looking.

You were looking at everybody while you sang with imploring eyes.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, kettle's really boiling now.

Not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it.

I can't do it.

It's too exciting to watch you.

Here is one from Jamie, who is male and with everything that entails.

And he's from Norwich.

He says, dear mineral water and pasty, sometimes when I wish to eat lunch or another meal, I find that there are no plates left in the cupboard as they're all in the dishwasher.

This means I have to wait several millennia for it to finish washing.

While I wait, I sing to the tune of Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers.

Ain't no dishes when it's on Ain't no dishes when it's washing up Ain't no dishes when it's on And it's always on too long Anytime it washes up And I know I know I know I know I know

is finished that's true though man that happens in my house that's true though man it's true dad because uh sometimes you know i want to have my favorite spoon do you have a favorite spoon i'm very loud i'm turning you down a bit sorry it's just my headphones favorite spoon yeah

Have you got a favourite spoon?

It's a simple question, Grandpa!

It's easy to remind me of the Private Eye column all about spoons.

Where they interview people about spoons.

Well, there you go.

Maybe it was inspired by this interesting programme, where we talk about spoons too.

Well, I have a favourite spoon.

It's nice and big, and it's got a nice thick stem.

It's not going to bend too easily if I'm eating some heavy cereal.

And so sometimes I just want to use my favorite spoon, but very often it's in the dishwasher that my wife absolutely adores.

And I don't see why you can't just wash up as you go along.

You know what I'm saying?

Not everything has to go into the dishwasher where it just sits.

Hey, don't do your dirty laundry.

Days and days and days.

I'm just trying to connect with people.

Have you got another one?

I'm just too angry now.

I'm too angry.

Where's my spoon?

Uh, here is a message from Emma von Cheesle Snitch.

Do you think that's really her name?

Yeah.

OK.

She says, hi, madam and jojoba oil.

My appropriation colleague was reported as singing, I put a bib on you.

Oh yes, this was from a few weeks ago when someone was putting the bib on the baby.

Right.

And singing, I put a bib on you.

Like it.

To the tune of, I put a spell on you.

And Emma von Cheesel Snitch says, it reminded me of when my ex-boyfriend always used to sing to the same tune.

Every time he farted, I'd put a smell on you, cause you're mine!

What a boyfriend.

That's why it's the ex-boyfriend.

Yes.

Cheesle Snitch is no longer going out with that guy.

Because that's not a fun bit of proper appropriation there.

That's sinister.

That is sinister.

You don't want to celebrate your guffery.

No, if you do that to someone... You must be filled with shame.

Certainly you should.

You should grovel and say sorry and then open some windows.

It is a shameful smell.

Finally, here is one from Ma.

I spelt M-A-R, not your mum.

I'm confident that I'm the only person who sings this when passing a branch of Robert Dyess.

Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dyess, Robert Dy

I'm confident, Mar.

No, you're not.

Well, it's very good, thank you.

Not from now on.

There's going to be a lot of people singing that, that beautiful mother.

Adam and Jo here on BBC6Music, live at the Glastonbury Festival.

Thank you very much for those pop-propriations.

We'll have some more of those tomorrow.

Don't forget Six Music is your one-stop Glastonbury shop.

What a terrible sentence.

But this is the place you can tune into and stay tuned to to keep in touch with the Glastonbury Festival all this weekend.

Keveny, Mcconie, Laverne, LaMack, the country's best DJs giving you the best coverage of the Glastonbury Festival and us.

Right now, Bright Eyes, ladies and gentlemen, he is going to be playing Connor Oberst.

That's his name, isn't it?

He's a sensitive young man.

I mean, he looks as if he's been 13 years old for the last 20 years or something, and he's going to be on the other stage later this afternoon.

And this is a track from Bright Eyes' latest album, The People's Key, out earlier this year.

This is Shell Games.

Sorry.

What happened there?

That was neither Shell Games.

First of all, it was a bit of David.

And then it turned into the Stone Roses again.

But it had absolutely nothing to do with Shells Games or Bright Eyes.

I think we've lined up Shell Games now, though.

Let's have the Chemical Brothers.

Which Chemical Brothers are we going to play games?

This one.

Hey, love this one.

This is much better than those other series.

You see, um, how does it feel is a perfectly acceptable thing to say.

What does it feel like is a perfectly acceptable thing to say.

How does it feel like not in any way grammatically acceptable thing to say.

And to be broadcasting that kind of grammatical filth on the BBC seems to me an affront.

Yeah, you're right.

It is disgraceful in the front.

And it's typical of the slipping standards here at the castle.

At the castle, exactly.

Stephen Fry wouldn't stand for that kind of thing.

Not true.

Now, this is Adam and Joe here on the BBC.

Yesterday, when we arrived here at the site, there were no bands playing.

There was nothing really happening.

There was very little happening.

So what me and Joseph decided would be a good idea was to go out with the recording equipment and just expose ourselves to the reality of the festival and a very typical festival experience.

Yeah, I mean the most exciting thing that happened yesterday was Adam arrived in some inappropriate footwear.

I had my wee boots.

Regular listeners to this show will remember that a few weeks back I purchased some new kind of hiking boots and they smelt strongly of jurein.

I'm glad to say that that smell has gone somewhat now.

I've broken them in.

But they were totally inappropriate for the conditions here at the festival, which are very muddy.

So we went out to try and buy a pair of wellies.

Yeah.

And some incredible things happened on the way.

You will not be able to believe this.

Have a listen to this.

I think I need some wellingtons.

We're going to go and buy wellies?

Yeah, we're going to go on a wellie mission.

Okay, here we are at the wellie stand.

They only have your basic green wellie.

So, what next?

Buy the wellie?

I'd buy that wellie.

I think I'm going to buy that welly.

And now Adam's moving up to the counter.

Have you just got the one size of welly?

No, we've got many.

So Ozzy's mate, we've got a size 4 to 12.

This is exciting!

He's ordered the welly.

What are you going to do once you get the wellies?

Hello!

Suffice to say, it's been a very successful mission.

Adam's got the wellies.

He's putting them on.

How do they feel?

Oh man, they're amazing.

And they had sizes 4 to 12.

Amazing.

Good package.

That's going to win us some awards.

Here's a free play right now for you listeners.

This is Paul McCartney from his album McCartney 2, 1980.

Love this song.

Still sounds good.

Temporary secretary.

Paul McCartney there, temporary secretary.

Couple of people tweeted in to point out that my amazing made-up joke about Eavis and Butthead was actually Eavis and Beavis in the end.

I did!

I looked it up!

I thought I had the right guy, the Cornholio guy.

You know what?

I think that makes it better.

I think that's what I love about Count Bucky Lees.

You're flawed and human.

I am flawed.

But you make such a fantastic effort.

And it is still very, very funny.

In fact, it's won an award.

Has it?

Yeah.

I love awards.

So that's all right.

That's it for our show today.

Thank you so much for listening.

Listeners, Steve LaMack is up next.

A podcast of this program will be available hopefully later today, but certainly tomorrow.

So check that out.

Black Squadron, if you're listening, we're going to be congregating at the left of the pyramid stage tomorrow morning at 10 from 10 to 10 30.

The first half hour of our live show tomorrow, we'll be hanging out with the squadron here at Glastonbury.

But right now,

We're going to wrap things up with James.

Thanks for listening.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Take care.