The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam And Joe (04 June 2011)

on the radio.

Althea and Donna there.

That's uptown top ranking.

Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC6Music on a beautiful Saturday morning.

It's going to be a hot one today, listeners.

I know this is your first stop for weather information, and I can tell you that it's going to be around 75 Fahrenheit today, and that's hot.

So it's going to be hot in other respects as well.

In a sexy... In a sexy way, it's going to be Britain's sexiest day.

That's right.

I've just decided.

Well, we should do like a sexy Black Squadron command then, shouldn't we?

Should we?

Yeah.

Well, let's have the jingle first to wake up the squadron.

Here we go.

Black Squadron!

Always catch the beginning of the show.

Black Squadron don't want to miss a thing.

That's not the way Black Squadron rolls.

Went to bed at a reasonable hour.

Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning.

That's the secret of the squadron's power.

Black Squadron!

Yes, Black Squadron, of course, the elite listening force that listened to this show live between what, 10?

10 and 10, 30.

10, 30.

There you go.

This week's command is a sartorial command.

It requires jiggling your clothes around.

Clothes jiggling.

Clothes jiggles?

My favourite thing.

Listen, I've, just before you carry on, I've noticed that I've started doing a thing with my voice that I've got to stop, I've got to eliminate.

You know sometimes how when you go through phases in your life of acquiring twitches and kicks and quirks and quonks and at the moment I've got a vocal quonk and it is going like this, doing a little

I have to break it to you, you've done that for a long time.

Really?

Yeah, you've only just become aware of it.

You've only just noticed.

Yeah, you've done that for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time.

Christmas crackers.

We've even talked about it.

I'm sure we've talked about it.

I know Jim Deans used to do that at school.

It's like before you say something, you've had a thought and you think your thought is so delicious that you're just smacking your lips as if it's a sip of delicious wine.

That's right.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's your impression of me.

Come on, I don't go... Well, that's the subtext.

Yeah, that's the motif.

I'm only teasing.

No, it's a good quirk.

We'll keep an eye out for that quirk.

And if we see it, do you want us to eliminate it, generally?

Yeah, that's one Pauline quirk I can live without.

Yeah, so if we hear it, we'll make you aware of it.

I shouldn't have mentioned it now, because I'm going to make everyone else aware of it, and now it's going to be irritating, isn't it?

So listen, let's deal with the squadron though, okay?

They are standing to attention.

We're going to play some metronomy for you very soon.

This is a hot band.

Their new album is being well reviewed across the board, and we're going to play a track called The Bay as soon as Commander Cornballs issues the command.

And if you're a New Squadron member, all you have to do is listen to the command, interpret it as you see fit, take a photo of yourself interpreting it and send it to 64046 on text or via email adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.

And every single picture we receive, that's a lie, isn't it?

Most of the pictures we receive will go up on the BBC blog.

I wonder what criteria we use to filter out.

photos.

Are there any reasons why a photo might not appear on the blog?

Obviously if it's lewd or unsettling.

If there's excessive nudism or problem imagery.

Problematic imagery?

Yeah.

Where do those photos go?

I've got them.

I want them.

I'll show you them after.

There's an amazing coveted box of illegal black squadron photos.

Yeah.

Contraband, dirty squadron material.

Filthy squadron.

filthy squadron speaking of which let's here we go it's time for the command stand by black squadron this morning's command is cross-dressing

Oh, that's funky.

That's a fun thing to do on a bass.

Oh, that's funky.

Do you like the word funky?

Um, do I like the word funky?

I prefer it used to describe stuff that stinks.

Okay, yes, yes.

That's funky.

As a little musky.

I think it should be taken back to its origins.

Yeah, David Byrne uses it in that way.

Does he?

Yeah, like a funky old building.

That's the way to use it, I think.

Right.

And so not to, unless you're talking about something that is actually to do with the genre, the musical genre funk.

Yeah.

But anything else like, ooh, that's a funky shirt.

Look at your funky face.

It's yeah, it doesn't feel right, does it?

It's fallen out of currency.

That was Metronomy, right?

That was Metronomy.

Yeah, with The Bay from their latest album, English Riviera.

This is Adam and Joe, BBC6 music.

Black Squadron Command is active.

We're already receiving some stunning and startling photographs.

There's this man.

I don't really know his name.

I'll get to his name later, but he's probably put on, would you say that's his partner's dress?

her little summer dress.

He's put on his partner's slippy top.

And he's attempting to re-fabricate her bust.

By sticking a toilet roll in there.

Well, he should have, you know, what he was planning to do was take some toilet paper off and stuff it into a sort of breasticle shaped thing.

But he hasn't bothered.

He's just stuffed the tube down there.

Start the tube, and it's not even a full tube, it's down to the last few sheets there.

He's been busy.

And he's got a very sort of sexy face.

He does, he's snarling away.

He's snarling away.

I mean it's a nice little peek into the guy's world, into George's world.

He is in a top floor flat there, he's got some windows that are on a slant, you know, roof windows.

Is that how you would describe them?

Yes, roof windows.

He's got a kick-ass poster in the background there.

He's a young sexy man.

He looks a little bit like Mika He does doesn't he you know and he is snarling and he's absolutely fine Well in one respect he's fine with cross-dressing in another he's not really because he's still got his t-shirt on He doesn't want to betray his masculinity

Well, he's quite her-stute.

He is her-stute, isn't he?

Keep those pictures coming in though, Black Squadron.

We will describe some of the most outrageous ones in a second, once we've had a good look at them all.

So Joe, do you watch BBC Four a lot?

Sure I do.

I love the arts.

I love the arts, man.

I absolutely adore the arts.

can't get enough arts.

I love to be covered in them.

I love the smell of arts.

I like the taste of the arts.

Do you?

Oh it's nice, it's delicious.

What I do with the arts is sometimes I have a nibble, a little tiny nibble, they're always so hungry for arts!

I stuff it all in my mouth!

Can't get enough arts!

Paint is coming out, paint is falling out of my mouth and sculptures and things like that plays.

Sculptures?

Sculptures falling out of the corner of my mouth.

I love the arts is what I mean.

We both love the arts.

We do, don't we?

We're from the arts.

Why are you artsing?

Because I enjoy watching those dramas they have based on real bits of history.

I like them when they get very current as well.

You know, when they dramatise.

Have they got some of those on BBC Four?

Well, man, there's something I saw recently that really surprised me because I didn't realise they'd done it.

But it's the Adam and Joe story.

No, it was on BBC4?

It was on BBC4.

Wow, and it was one of those prestige productions recreating our... It won a BAFTA.

It did it?

Yeah.

The lead guy won a BAFTA, I think, for his portrayal of you, in fact.

No.

What actors did they cast in there, then?

They cast Daniel Rigby and Brian Dick.

Really?

Daniel Rigby played Joe, and then Brian Dick played Adam.

And what they did, it was mainly based on the events leading up to us being hired to do the six music show.

Wow.

and the subsequent global phenomenon that it became.

And the producers, I think, chose to tone down the whole middle-class Southern thing.

So our accents are not exactly as we speak now.

But have a listen to this clip.

It's remarkable how they capture the dynamic.

Wow.

What if we changed the act?

What if we put more of ourselves out there?

What have we been doing for the past 13 years?

We've been a double act, but we've never been us.

That's what we should do.

Nobody's got what we've got.

I'll tell you what, if it doesn't work out, we call it a day and no hard feelings.

So this new act, what would it be?

How would it start?

You'll be short and bad-tempered.

And I'll be tall and lazy.

But we'll both be idiots.

I mean, it's a little reductive.

That was in the years before, you know, you became quite hard working and started doing it.

Wow.

They've really captured the way that we and all comedians, um, sort of have a discussion about exactly what they'll do.

Yeah.

And sort of quite a pithy discussion and lay it out in a couple of sentences.

That's the conversation that we had, but we thought we've got to define exactly what this dynamic is before we get into it.

Otherwise it could get a little messy.

That's amazing.

What was that really?

What was that really from really?

What do you mean?

Eric and Ernie.

Ah.

Did you watch the whole thing?

Yeah, loved it.

Was he good?

He was great and he deservedly won a BAFTA for that Daniel Rigby playing... No, was it?

Daniel Rigby played Eric and Brian Dick played Ernie.

So anyway, the tall funny one won the BAFTA.

Weirdly, I watched one of those this week as well that I bought on DVD when I was away.

It was the Falco story.

Shut up.

So they've made a film about... Shut up!

Falco!

yeah falco as in rock me amadeus yeah it's a dramatized documentary of the life of falco and i bought it how long is it 15 minutes no he was a big figure in wherever he was from austria he's hugely important yeah yeah yeah it has the moment where he decides his name where he's watching tv

Yes, Falco.

Falco.

Yes, that's it.

That would be called Falco.

So he settles on it immediately?

Immediately, yeah.

It's not like, hmm.

That's the scene.

He just says it over and over again.

I'll bring in some clips.

It's extraordinary.

Oh, I love those things.

But it makes you realise that obviously he's huge in his country, so, you know, the local TV station, it makes sense to make a massive thing out of him, but when you export it into other countries where maybe he's not so famous, it starts showing up the sort of clichés of those things a bit.

Do you know what I mean?

Of course.

And so there must be a very long sequence about Rock Me Amadeus.

You know what?

I haven't got to that bit yet.

That's the best bit.

I can't wait to hear how that goes.

Let's have some music right now.

This is your first free choice today, Joe.

Yeah, this is Lee Fields and the Expressions.

Now, Lee Fields has got some concerns about the world and he's very angry about certain things, certain issues.

So what he's going to do is he's going to sing about them and almost shout about them in a very soulful voice.

Is he a modern man?

He's a modern man.

Yeah, modernish.

But he's going to do it over an extraordinarily... I can't use the word funky anymore, can I?

Sorry, mate.

A very soulful groove.

You were the one that rained on that parade.

So here we go.

Here's a bit of political shouting and a pretty great bass line.

Nice to be with you, listeners.

This beautiful Saturday morning.

Hope it's nice where you are.

And what a beautiful collection of photos we've had sent by the Black Squadron, Britain's most elite listening force, who have embraced this morning's command of cross-dressing with verve and vigour.

Do you think any of the squadron thought it was beyond the pale?

Too much to ask?

Well, some members of the squadron have tried to be clever.

right they've put angry faces on bottles of dressing salad dressing good one cross dressing rachel and tim for instance were one of the first to do that jamie in london has a bottle of vinaigrette with a gr spell that in fridge magnet letters very nice um but many of them have gone for the real thing for instance steven in south hampton he's a manly man and he is wearing a lady a little slip pinny he's he's hair suit as well he certainly is uh and he's wearing a lovely

little flouncy summer dress and he's doing an oooh face because a little gust of wind is threatening to blow it up and reveal his undercarriage.

Well done Stephen.

He's wearing his specs as well.

He's a very dainty lady.

This is a good one I've got up here on my telescreen and it is from Jason Kilner.

and he and a lady maybe his lady partner we can i think it's safe to assume they've done the full thing haven't they they've totally swapped he is dressed in a lovely frilly pink satiny bridesmaid's dress it looks like or a ball gown he's even got a tiara

And again, he is kind of a big, chunky, manly man.

Hey, steady on.

I'm not saying he's lardy.

He's got a good figure, a very good figure.

But yeah, certainly in the breasticle area, something's going on there.

Unless he's padded himself.

And then his lady partner is dressed as a sort of American football player type.

No, she's a workman.

She's got her protective work gear on.

That's right.

I thought that was an American football visor.

Yeah, so she's like a welder.

Yes.

Or something out of Flashdance.

Yeah, and she's got her protective welding trousers on there and a big butch belt on.

What I like about this photo is it's very formal.

They've gone into the garden to take it, they're standing shoulder to shoulder with quite straight faces, aren't they?

And it's a good wide shot, you can see everything.

In the garden and they have defined the respective roles of male and female They have the role of the female is to be beautiful and to flounce around flounce around balls flounce in France and the role of the man is to build and well flounce around balls

Yeah, that's true though.

Here's another one from David and Sophie in Bristol.

This is quite badly printed so I can't quite tell what's going on, but David has, again, a very beautiful little cocktail dress on, hasn't he?

Yes, he does.

Much too small for him.

And Sophie, I don't know, Sophie looks like she's dressed like Kevin out of Kevin and Perry.

He's got nice long legs, David.

Look at your nice legs.

You should consider wearing more long dresses.

I mean, lots of terrific photos.

Paul and Katie.

Paul has put on one of Katie's bras.

He's either trying to get into it or get out of it.

He's having some trouble fixing it from behind.

And Robbie and James have done a very good job as well.

Robbie there.

What do you call that sort of a dress there?

It's got a kind of busty, what's the word, the core city type situation.

Yeah, unfortunately Robbie's right nipple is popping out.

Which is a shame.

Peeking out over the top there.

But there we are.

So congratulations Black Squadron and if you want to see some very challenging photos do check out the Adam and Joe blog later in the day where we'll put up everything that's put upable.

BBC.co.uk forward slash blogs forward slash Adam and Joe.

Is there time to stand down the squadron?

Let's do it now before the news.

Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bun But now it's 10.31 and it's time for the news

very nice indeed that's super grass with caught by the fuz hey how you doing listeners adam and joe here and i think it's time we edged towards retro text the nation talking about last week's text the nation subject which of course was time murder but uh... before that we have a new jingle and this was sent into us by a mailman from glasgow incidentally quite a few messages this week from people saying why does so many

uh postman listen to your show and why do you call them mailmen like americans now we mean like they're they're of the male gender this is from john t and he says dear adamski and joe bananas observing listeners submitting versions of your masterful jingles i decided to follow suit and brain flashed upon reworking retro text the nation in the style of my favorite full kirkian miserabilists arab strap

so I got my mate Dave to record it with mics and plugs and knobs and drums.

This is a slightly, he sent us in like a version of Text the Nation that was... Excuse me.

Do you alright?

Yeah, fine.

Text the Nation.

What did he call us at the top of that email?

Adamski and Joe Bananas.

Joe Bananas is a new one.

Do you like that?

I like it.

Adamski's been used before.

Yeah, Adamski's always good.

Joe Bananas is good.

That's something else people are doing.

Giving us names.

Yeah.

I like it.

I like it too.

Most of them are pretty good.

So this is very good.

This is the less Arab Strapi of the two jingles that he sent us, but it is extremely Glaswegian.

Check this out.

I used to listen to Arab and Joe, but I listened to the podcast, not a live show.

I used to feel acute frustration cause I couldn't join in with Text-A-Nation.

But now my troubles have disappeared because Retro Text-A-Nation's here.

And now my loud may be red instead of chalked in the bin and forgotten about

It's great heightening, isn't it, to hear someone who can do that voice as well as we can.

Wouldn't you say?

Absolutely.

It's great to hear someone doing like a proper Scottish accent for a change rather than their rubbish.

You hear from a lot of these... Oh no, my dear.

...subter.

Oh, your talkies are on fire!

You described that as Glaswegian.

Are you confident about that?

He says he's a mailman from Glasgow.

Okay, good.

You've got the facts to back up your opinions.

Is he sounding like a Ned?

I don't know.

What, that's a non-educated delinquent that stands for, doesn't it?

Peter Mullen's film.

It's supposed to be very good.

I haven't seen it.

Ned's.

I didn't know that it was an acronym, Ned's.

Anyway, you could tell us maybe if you know exactly if that sounded like a Ned or not.

But that's beautiful!

I don't think that sounded like a Ned.

It all just sounded like a very articulate man with a very beautiful accent, singing very well.

Quite right, I would buy an album by John T. He's brilliant, John T. He's very good.

He's a clever man.

So, time murder.

Thank you so much for your messages on this subject, and we were talking about ways that you absolutely and defensively waste your time.

last week have you got any there joe sure this is one from gibbo in fleet dear jay corn and uncle buck when i'm bored i sometimes close my eyes and rub my eyelids to induce a kaleidoscopic light show i experiment with different pressures and movements to create exciting effects and patterns you may think it sounds a bit loopy but it's a safe legal alternative to other psychedelic options and certainly could have saved the beetles a lot of unnecessarily

Oh, sorry, that's from Righty in London.

Gibbo's the next one.

Yeah, Righty in London.

What do you make of that?

He's talking about entoptics.

Yes, we've discussed these before.

Phenomenon, isn't it?

This is the kind of psychedelic Paisley design that appears.

Checkerboard I get.

I get Paisley.

Do you?

Yeah, the inside of my eyeballs are very Laura Ashley.

Oh, mine are very much like a kind of psychedelic chessboard.

Really?

Well, that's the difference between us, and that's why we'll never get on.

You have to be careful though.

Be careful with pressing your eyes.

They're very valuable eggs.

You shouldn't press them so hard that they pop into your skull and then come out of your mouth.

No, no, no, no.

Be very gentle.

You've only got one pair of eyes.

Did you know the human eyes?

Is this true they stay the same size from when you were born?

Is that true?

It is true.

I was chuckling because I used to think that it was the head.

That stayed the same size.

You know, like you have arguments.

One of my arguments was about whether Concord went supersonic or at the speed of light.

We discussed that.

And my other argument, which I got very heated, I said that it went at the speed of light, incidentally.

No listeners.

And I was quite old at the time.

And one of my other arguments was, yeah, did you know that the human head remains the same size from birth until death?

Interesting fun fact.

Do another one.

you got one uh yeah here we go um this is from uh now i've got to say this right it's jared with a soft g not a hard g i hate it when people say it like that says jared uh he says dear his royal buttness and l cornerino

My girlfriend Hannah, who I call Moomin because she's like a beautiful Moomin, had an important work deadline one evening.

I left her to get on with it in our flat, and when I returned later that night, I found her asleep.

I turned on the laptop and saw there was a lot of browser tabs still open on her search, you know, software that stemmed from two original sets of search results.

One was the search term psychological theories of procrastination, and the other had results for health benefits of drinking

champagne.

Ta-ta from Gerard.

Wow, I'm going to search that.

That's good, isn't it?

Just think, now listen, I'm procrastinating.

I better make something out of this and find out about the philosophy behind the whole practice.

And while I'm doing that, I'm going to have a glass of champagne and find out about the philosophy behind that.

I'm going to celebrate.

Finally, here's one from Naomi.

I say finally.

Kind of made an executive decision there.

She says, dear Adam and Joe, I spend a lot of my time spending time in the following ways.

I like to select areas on my computer desktop by using my mouse and making squares or rectangles.

Brackets, they show in a pale blue color usually and disappear almost the moment you unclick the mouse.

This is a good way to look busy at work and it's fun to do it faster and faster.

I also do it at home.

Now I do that.

And it is fun, isn't it?

Sure it is.

The squares appear nicer and the squares are slightly different colors.

They disappear.

This is a little bit like the Adam Curtis film at the moment.

All watched over by machines.

Benevolent machines or something.

Lovely grace or something.

All about how the computer dream has turned out to be slightly less than we hoped it might be.

There's a second part to Naomi's email.

She says, I also sometimes read a pretend magazine in my head.

The pages are often formatted in the style of a page that you might find in a typical women's magazine and the words somehow appear ready for me to read.

It's not about writing or thinking about ideas for articles.

It's simply reading the words that are there, perhaps about the latest clothing craze or an interview with David Attenborough or somebody.

Unlikely to be an interview with David Attenborough.

An imaginary magazine that she doesn't actually have to think of, it just appears in her head and she reads it.

Now, she may be a genius and she should work in mags.

She should make a mag.

Well that would be a good lady mag, you know.

It would be called Naomi.

Sure.

Exclamation mag.

Yeah.

Now, you mentioned Gibbo earlier on, so we've got to read Gibbo's one.

He's in Fleet.

He says, to kill time whilst bored, I look up old soap characters on Wikipedia and read their backstories, and then follow the link to another character that they may have been married to or had an affair with, etc.

I can waste hours flicking from character to character, reading all these stories even though I can remember most of them anyway.

Afterwards, I feel like I'm literally wasting my youth.

Well you are.

Literally are Gibbo.

Wow.

I didn't think there was anything more vapid than watching soap operas.

But I'm wrong.

So thank you very much for all your messages there.

We'll have some textination later in the show.

But right now here's Tune Yards.

I played a bit of Tune Yards the other day.

I've been very much enjoying her album.

Tune Yards?

Yeah this is business.

eyeballs according to general ophthalmology uh brackets vaughan aesbury and reardon eva appleton and lange stanford 1999 quote the size of the eyeball at birth averages 16.5 millimeters in diameter front to back measurement in adults

the diameter is 24.2 millimeters the maximum eye size is reached when a person is seven to eight years old so the eye grows 50 percent in diameter and to something over double its birth weight to plus 115 percent but the head remains the same head remains exactly the same size which is amazing she's incredible that's why it's very difficult for a lady to give birth

Wouldn't that be... wouldn't that be... It would be good if that was true though, the eyeball thing, don't you think?

So what is it that remains the same size?

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

I mean, it's all just chaotic.

Winky.

But, uh... Nothing.

You know, facts like that should be true, like that dogs can't look up.

You want them to be true, why can't they be true?

Are there any of those things that are true?

Are they all just rubbish?

You know who would know?

Who would know?

Stephen Fry.

He would know, wouldn't he?

He knows everything.

If we had him on the line, we could, uh...

Ask him.

Now I saw a wonderful documentary the other day that came out in 2007 and you remember how much I love the arts?

Yes, I do.

You were talking about it earlier.

I absolutely love arts.

And if there's one thing I love more than the arts, it's rock and roll.

Right.

And when the two come together, life doesn't get any better for Buckle.

You're cool.

Yeah.

You're so cool.

A culture show special from 2007, this was, with Lou Reed talking to Six Music's very own lovely Lauren Laverne about why he was recreating his album Berlin from 1973 for a series of live shows.

And it was a really great program one hour with sort of overviews of Reid's career intertwined with performances from Berlin and putting the album in context and then a very disarming series of encounters between Lou and Lauren herself.

Now Lou Reed is notoriously ornery, if that's the word, and difficult with interviewers and journalists and that kind of thing.

I'll play you a clip right now of Lou conducting another interview with a young TV journalist from a Swedish culture program.

This is on YouTube, you can find it.

Towards the end of the interview, this journalist, who's like a young guy and clearly quite in awe of Lou Reed and doing his best and having quite a hard time with Lou Reed in this hotel room or whatever,

The journalist asks cautiously if Lew has any prejudices of any kind, and this is his answer.

Do you have any prejudice?

Me?

Oh, I don't like journalists.

Oh, I despise them.

Why?

They're disgusting.

Mainly the English.

They're pigs.

What nationality was that journalist?

He was Swedish.

So at the end he's like, yeah, that's a good point.

They are pigs, aren't they?

Yeah.

So that's, that's your classic standard Lou Reed for a lot of journalists.

So Lauren Laverne makes this point at the beginning of the documentary and says that she was a little bit trepidatious.

But Lou likes Lauren.

He thinks she's absolutely great.

And he melts in front of her and is just the model of smiley charm right the way through this interview.

He loves all her questions.

Everything is just dandy as far as he's concerned with Lauren LaFern.

Here's a clip right now of the two of them watching

Some footage of Lou in the 60s when his hair was big and shaggy and the sexy chemistry really begins to bubble here.

Have a listen.

Yeah, so they're getting on well.

Nice little compliment from Lauren there.

And Lou Reed really likes it, you know, that's very nice.

Then Lauren asks Lou if he was bothered by the very harsh critical reception that met the release of the album Berlin in 73.

So Lou brushes away this suggestion as if to say, Oh, come on, Lauren, I don't know what you've heard.

But I'm you know, I don't want it to stand in the way of us enjoying some very sexy time together my whole relationship with journalists.

Let's have a listen.

Because the reviews were really, really harsh.

And I mean, did that affect you?

I know that you don't care for the opinion of journalists too much, but... Well, believe it or not, there's some journalists that I'm quite attached to.

Really?

Yes.

And one of them sitting right in front of me, and she's got blonde hair, and she's got Lauren.

Here's another clip right now.

It's time to actually ask her out, I think.

on the program.

Lou can't wait until after the interview is over to ask Lauren out.

So he decides more or less to do it on the show while they're recording.

What are the relative ages here?

So Lou is, well Lauren, how old is she?

She's 31 or something, early 30s.

Lou is 100 I think.

No, Lou must be in his early 60s by now.

I would say or maybe mid-60s.

Highly compatible.

I mean Bowie is mid-60s now I think isn't he?

So Lou's got to be around that that mark.

Pretty well preserved in his craggly way and looking quite cool in this interview.

But anyway here's Lou more or less asking Lauren out.

How have you changed since the release of the record first time around?

How have I changed?

Have you changed?

Are you kidding?

In that amount of time, how have I changed?

In so many ways, we'd probably have to sit down and have many, many drinks to enumerate how I've changed in that amount of time.

So let's go and have them after the interview.

I mean, you hear how soft his voice is.

Like, normally he's so taciturn and gruff.

You get like monosyllabic answers out of him generally, or, you know, what happened next?

Do you think?

Well, they have to wrap the interview up finally.

I mean, it's, it's heartbreaking.

It's a shame.

And here is how the interview is concluded, leaving no one in any doubt as to where Lou wishes the relationship was going.

Well, Lou, thank you so much for talking to me today, it's been an absolute pleasure.

Well, for me too.

Good luck with the gigs, thank you.

I guess you'll be one of the London journalists that I'm really in love with.

Thank you, Lou.

Sure.

Wow, have you talked to Lauren about this?

No, and by this time, Lauren, instead of thinking, maybe I will have a little slice of Lou.

Even though she's happily married.

Sexy tortoise, actually.

With a child.

Exactly!

She's sort of thinking, well, flippin' A. Yeah, that's him going in for a kiss.

I thought that was the way Bob Dylan sounded when he went in for a kiss with Alicia Keys.

Yeah, that's the same.

The sexy old rot tortoise.

You know the way they pull little bits of lettuce into their mouth like a centimetre at a time on the tongue?

And take that.

That's what will be going on there.

Lauren Lettice Laverne.

Being thumped up.

I got a bit of your blonde hair now.

Wow.

There's so much to talk about there.

There's a lot of sexy flirty interviews online with people.

There's one with Frank Zappa where he's unusually... The relationship between journalists and artists is weird, isn't it?

And critics and artists is weird.

It's like journalists are constantly trying to get a rise out of the performer by writing really provocative stuff.

And then other journalists are going, you know, did that get you?

Did we get to you?

You know, even years later.

did particular articles get under their skin yes it's just like sort of bear baiting it's weird of course it's a dance it's a dance and every now and again it's Torvill and Dean do you ever imagine yourself when you're very very you know when you're older when you're like in your 60s 70s and how you will dress to look like a like a sexy sexy old man

If I can't handle it at this point, how am I going to be?

I'm just going to be like a full-on tramp at that point, aren't I?

Some women find that attractive.

Yeah, let's hope so.

OK, there you go.

So I thought I'd play a bit of Velvet Underground.

Now, this was a track that Lou Reed wrote, but Mo Tucker sang.

And I actually sang this to my wife when we got married 10 years ago, it was.

But then, like, a few months later, it turned up on a commercial, like a Hyundai advert.

And then I thought, oh no, everyone thinks that I just nicked off the higher diab.

Then it was on Morvan Kaller on the soundtrack in 2002, and then it was on the film Savages and Juno in 2007.

Anyway, it's still a good track.

This is I'm Sticking With You.

There's Fleet Foxes with Lorelei.

This is Adam and Joe on 6music.

Fleet Foxes, of course, are in town.

They were playing at The Ham-io.

Is that what it's still called?

I didn't know it was called The Ham-io.

Earlier this week.

Um, and my lady partner girlfriend was there and she reported back an extraordinary occurrence.

Do you remember the sort of, um, catchphrase stroke meme this program used to have?

Steven?

Steven, yes.

There was, uh, there was a lot of that going on, would you say last year or the year before?

When did it peak?

Stevenage peaked two years ago.

two years ago yeah oh it's yesterday's news yeah but not according to mr pecknold the lead singer of the fleet foxes right he missed it at the concerts there was no stevening at the fleet foxes concerts this year and of course fleet foxes were uh victims is that the right word to use of stevening quite heavily there was a lot of stevenage at their last series of shows for some reason out of all bands they seem to get a lot of stevening

a couple of years ago.

Well, it's because they've got sensitive, intelligent listeners.

They do.

But this year, at their concerts at the Hamio, there was no Stevenage.

No.

And lead singer, Mr Pecknold, pointed this out.

And here's an email that comes from Lucy...

Beevor, B-W-E-V-O-R.

She says, so we were at the Fleet Fox's rather marvelous gig at the Hammersmith Apollo last night.

Everyone was having a wonderful time, lots of cheering and whooping at the sight and sound of the lovely mountain men.

Suddenly Pecknold takes to the mic in between songs and says in a curious tone, Sol, like, what happened to the Steven thing?

Was that just a fad?

queue gasps of breath and literally tens of shouts of Steven and of course the appropriate response of just coming.

This went on for a good minute before Mr Pecknold sidled back up to the mic and sheepishly apologised for opening a great big nest of eggs.

Egg nest?

Wow.

I thought I would send this in as not only has there been a distinct lack of Stevenage on this run of the show but I was one of the squadron members who alerted you to the Stevenage being whipped up at the Fleet Foxes UK gigs a couple of years back.

Thus I now feel it is my very special duty to report back on such important events.

Well done, Lucy.

You're going to get a medal for that.

Here we go.

I'm pinning it on your chest.

Look at that.

It looks nice there.

Sorry, I just touched... OK.

So that's exciting news, isn't it?

Yeah, that's amazing.

Mr. Pecknold, he missed the Stevenage.

Pecknold?

He asked.

He was Steven-baiting.

He's begging for it.

He associates it with his visits to England.

Yeah.

It's a peculiarly British pastime that's not just a fad.

It's something he expects to hear every time he comes to this country.

It's as British as tea, crumpets, croquet on the lawn and hoodies.

Yes.

I went to see the Fleet Foxes performing in the BBC what's it called musical radio theatre.

Canteen.

Yeah.

Last night they were recording a concert for Radio 2 which is going to be on this Thursday from 8pm with Joe Wylie and it was beautiful.

No Stevenage there though.

No Stevenage there.

It was a very respectful atmosphere.

They were wonderful.

There were different sorts of people in the crowd.

It was quite a Radio 2 crowd.

A lot of mountain men.

Well there were different levels of enthusiasm and I don't know whether you've experienced this at a sit down gig in particular.

I mean you can be more free and easy if you're at a standing gig.

Sure.

You know you can clap, whoop, holler.

This was more of a sort of a concert hall environment.

It was more sedate.

People shuffling papers and... Well most of the audience wanted to sit

and lightly sway in their chairs and enjoy the music there was one man who that wasn't good enough he had to stand up and clap very very loudly through all the songs on his own he was the only one standing yeah but he made a big thing of it through the whole concert swaying his arms shouting and clapping

And then there were another two people that were so excited by him and the fact that, look at him, he's really enjoying this concert.

He's starting a thing.

He doesn't care about these stick in the muds.

He's right.

Everyone else is wrong.

And I could see, because I was sitting on the balcony above, I was watching, I could see this woman really trying to get into it in her seat, really wanting to stand up.

But her boyfriend was looking a little bit nervous and sort of trying to calm her down.

No, look at him over there, the big man swaying.

I want to be like him.

And she was starting to disturb everybody around her.

So there were lots of different energies in the room and no one quite knew how to deal with it because it's exciting music.

Everyone liked to clap.

Like round their campfire.

Yeah, they like to clap and you could see that I don't know how bands feel about clapping, especially English clapping, because it went a bit out of sync every now and then.

It always does though, doesn't it?

It always does.

And your heart sinks a bit at the beginning of the song when the audience start doing that.

And then the clappers themselves realise, oh, we're out of sync.

We better stop.

I mean that must be tricky, that's the test of a real musician though isn't it?

If you can, because the other thing is that they're hearing it all through their monitors and everything.

Well you can see that they're all craning a bit, they're all like tilting their necks to listen to the actual drummer rather than the audience so they don't get sort of pulled off the beat.

But it was a fantastic gig and it was a great audience and it was really good so do check it out if you're a Fleet Foxes fan, 8pm this Thursday on Radio 2.

Was there anyone panning for gold?

there wasn't no no goats it's a great shame panning for gold i said not yeah no but what do they have goats while they you know you can't just because there's not enough gold comes up you have to look after goats you have to start panning for goats yeah i always expect the fleet foxes to bring their goats but they they didn't they must have been backstage how very rude maybe they couldn't get them through customs uh here's blur this is song two

I always remember my dad getting upset with that song because of the lyrics.

Do you remember that?

I do.

Why would you... He was angry about the fact that Damon Albarn had put himself in the... The path of a jumbo jet to get his hair cut.

Exactly.

He just thought it was... Irresponsible.

Totally irresponsible and a stupid thing.

It really annoyed him.

He just thought, well, you know, if that's what you're going to do, then I've got no sympathy for you.

Yeah, but setting a bad example.

setting a bad example is dangerous it's not encouraging young people to get their haircut via a low-flying aircraft exactly it's not it's not very dangerous bad enough that you've got a stupid haircut you have to do it by putting yourself and everyone on the plane in danger shall we do some pop rope creation let's have the jingle crank it up james

I like to change the lyrics of songs from time to time To make them refer to things I do I call it pop-hop creation and as far as I'm aware it isn't a crime I wonder if it's something you do too

It's more laid back than a lot of my jingles.

I like it.

Appropriation.

It's funky.

Let's fire things off this week with an anonymous one.

And this is from a lady who says, when me and my partner find ourselves lying back to back in bed with our cheeks touching, we sing, lady in bed is sleeping with me.

cheek to cheek.

That's sexy.

It is sexy.

Is it a typo?

She actually, instead of writing bed, she writes bad.

Yeah.

Lying back to back in bad.

That's quite exciting.

Let's go to bad.

She's feeling guilty.

I have got one here.

Hello, buxosaurus and cornodactyl.

Crikey.

Ah, here we go.

The other night, I asked my wife, Sian, if she was running a bath for herself, and she said, no, it's for the cats.

So I began to sing, sarcastic woman, to her, to the tune of More Than a Woman, i.e.

sarcastic woman to me.

That's quite a useful phrase.

Annoyingly, I've forgotten to put the person's name there.

So, well, the husband of Shan.

Thank you for sending that.

Is that S-I-A-N?

Yeah.

I was saying it wrong.

Shan.

I say it's Shan.

Yeah, I'm trying to make life interesting.

French for dog, isn't it?

We've got to deal with pronunciation later on in the show actually.

No need to say it's the French for dog.

Yeah, but Chien is the French for dog.

Chien.

Yeah, the French for dog.

Here's one right now from Sam Hume.

He's a male man, not a female woman.

He says, Dear Buckstables and Cornucopia, the other day you were talking about song parodies people can't help but sing in everyday life, or versions of songs.

Whenever it's cold, I simply have to sing to the tune of Elton John's Your Song.

it's a little bit chilly this feeling inside i feel like my nutties have just shriveled up and died don't have much money but boy if i did i'd buy thermal undies where my nutties could live

I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind How smart my nutties have got But when it gets very cold It tends to happen a lot That's a whole flippin' song he's written He's got it all in his head there Wow It's a little bit chilly

That's a useful one as well.

Very useful.

Very detailed.

When it's brass monkeys out there.

Here's one from Mike Shinx, who has a wife called Fran.

Mike says, hello boys, whenever my wife is bemoaning the fact that I don't quite live up to her expectations, I like to sing to the theme from the Gillette advert, Mike Shinx, the best that Fran could get.

Even though she gives me a look of despair and pity, I know that deep inside, she thinks I'm very funny and that I am indeed well worth having.

Mike Shinks!

The best that Fran can get!

Doesn't even rhyme with Gillette!

uh from ross of the canes he says dear a and j keeping it simple after receiving an incorrect delivery from my local curry house i immediately got on the phone to correct the issue my girlfriend felt like i should just accept the order and suddenly i found myself shouting you gotta fight for the right nice she groaned i thought it was genius it is ross

Here's one last one from Neil who's a male man.

My teenage sons Jake and Oliver came up with this as a way of dealing with their anger at being asked to do the job of recycling in the house.

They were so annoyed at the amount of bottles following a recent celebration that they jointly expressed their disgust in the tune of Tiny Temper's Passout.

We take the bins out, we take the food out, we take the plastic and the cardboard and the tins out.

Do you know that one?

No, I'm glad you...

That's my favourite bit.

Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop.

That's Temper on his own without Dappy, is it?

That's him doing it a cappella.

Yeah.

You know he's teamed up with Dappy now.

I do, they've done a single.

I haven't heard it, I've only seen the posters.

Alright, here's one more from me.

This is from Ed in London.

I once saw my sister looking very interestedly at something in a shop window, not being able to see what was so interesting.

I sang to the tune of Tom Jones' What's New Pussycat.

What you looking at?

I think I may it may have been a bit too loud as some people turned around and seem to interpret this as Aggressive behavior love you bye I mean it could be a good one for Friday night out just to jazz things up actually take the aggression out of some of those Saturday night situations.

What you looking at?

What are you looking at you big puns?

Are you a man who wants to have a great big fight?

Well you might if you don't stop looking What you looking at?

That's good.

Yeah?

I think it would take the aggression out of lots of fights.

Got the same birthday as Tom Jones.

Do you?

You're very similar men.

Yeah, me, Tom Jones and Prance.

Really?

Sure.

Very, very masculine men.

Macho men.

Three masculine macho musical geniuses, born on the same day.

Yes.

I've got the same birthday as Yuri Geller.

Have you really?

Yes.

Wow.

Which means... You're a couple of benders.

Spoon benders, I mean.

What?

Here's some Arctic monkeys.

This is Reckless Serenade.

Go on then, say the thing I did wrong.

You, hang on, I've lost it.

You said it was Tiny Temper doing the duet with Dappy from Endubs.

It's not!

It's Tinchy Strider.

Thank you Boris, a mailman from Chef

Sheffield.

Thank you very much Arctic Monkeys there with Reckless Serenade.

Arctic Monkeys are one of the bands that Bob Dylan plays on his theme time radio hour.

One of the more modern bands because generally Bobbles tends to focus on the albums that he loved as a youth or a younger man at least a lot of vintage R&B and blues and jazz and country and western.

Have you ever listened to theme time radio hour?

No, I'm ashamed to say.

What's happening in the world of Bob Dylan?

Why is he all over all the... Birthday.

Oh, it's his birthday.

70th birthday two weeks ago.

And one of the magazines has done a series of covers with him at different ages.

Have you seen those?

No.

They've done him when he was a youngster, a boy.

Then they've done him when he was a middle-aged man.

And they've done him now that he's a funky turtle.

And I mean a funky turtle in the old sense of the word.

Even though he probably smells lovely.

He's got very good standards of personal hygiene, Bob Dylan.

I don't see him as a man that sweats very much.

Which issue would you like out of those three?

The funky turtle.

Do you think that's the biggest selling one?

I would say, because he is a man that has been, in my eyes at least, completely reborn as a creative force thanks to this radio show that he does.

Because for me, he followed the same trajectory as a lot of my favorite artists and a lot of great artists in general.

You know, he's at his peak in the early 70s maybe, and then things start to go downhill.

and then the 80s comes and it's devastating for him as it was for Bowie and they start... Just like Endubs.

I'm thinking Endubs.

Right.

But keep talking.

You know, things get overproduced and the voice starts to go and suddenly you get the kind of modern Bob Dylan voice.

Yeah.

Then Talisa goes on X Factor and bands start splitting, drifting apart, all that.

And, you know, it's just not as good as your classic Blood On The Tracks Bob Dylan stuff.

No.

I mean, there's still lots of good stuff there, and I listened to a wonderful documentary that was on recently, I think it was on Radio 2, and they also played it here on 6music with Chris Christofferson narrating the story of Bob Dylan.

Brilliant stuff.

And Christofferson is saying, oh, he's still, you know, churning out the great tunes even in his dotage.

Well, they weren't, you know, they're never as good as, like, the real Peaches.

But then he does this radio show, right, that he started to do in 2006, and they're a series of one-hour shows, this is if you don't already know about them, that went out on satellite radio first, I think an American satellite station, and then the BBC bought them and they went out on Radio 2 and 6 Music.

There's a hundred of them, and they're really good, but they're quite tightly scripted.

So Bob doesn't really ramble but he does these very charming introductions to a lot of these songs and contextualizes them and of course they're all themed they're all around quite good inventive themes like one week it'll be shoes or whatever and sometimes it's locks and keys.

I hear it's mostly shoes.

Beginnings and endings or you know lettuce that kind of thing.

Lettuce, shoes but sources of milk.

Does a lot of sorcerer mitt and just a lot of shows just about getting across the garden.

Comfy socks.

I'm halfway across the garden.

It's very disrespectful.

I get closer to that leaf.

Is that a good Bob Dylan impression at all?

No.

Sometimes he gets sidetracked by dandelions.

That's why he's late for meetings.

His radio persona is kind of like a sort of Dick Chandler-esque investigative journalist sometimes.

You know sometimes the way that Chris Rock is sometimes quite staccato with his delivery.

Where Bob Dylan sometimes does a little bit of the same kind of delivery as Chris Rock.

Anyway he does all this and it's all tightly scripted but every now and again they do these weird things like sometimes they'll have phone-ins but it'll be clearly a bit of a scripted phone-in.

Well you can't quite tell, you can't tell if there's someone really on the end of the line there.

You can't take a risk with Dylan though can you?

You can't just have a random person on the phone.

I don't think so.

You've got to be vetted.

Yeah, but and so sometimes you have the strangest conversations popping up with Bobo on the on the line there.

I thought I'd play a little bit of Bob Dylan and dedicate it to my my mummy who absolutely loves Bobo and loves this song that I'm going to play shortly in particular Lay Lady Lay.

It's also one of Liam Gallagher's favourite Bob Dylan songs.

He was in the papers the other day slagging off Dylan and saying, ah, he's a miserable c-word.

But the only song that he would agree that was brilliant was Lay Lady Lay.

So I'm going to play that shortly.

But first, here's a very surprising phone call from one of the theme time radio hour shows.

Check this out.

That's not working.

Line 2 is always good.

Then maybe you shouldn't be living here!

Rock and roll.

I see line 4 is ringing.

Oh, caller, you're on the air.

What's your name and where you're calling from?

Hello Chuck, Laura, Laura Blinded Dator Bob is the queen of lollipop.

Oh great.

I'm calling from the queen house.

Huh, what's your question?

Right Chuck, well, lollipop, well if you was in a band, what kind of band were you playing?

Well, of course.

Everybody says banana rama, don't they, Chuck-a-loli-couple?

But I didn't think you were Bubbles.

I thought you would be a little bit any different.

By the way, was the uncle of Billy Pumpkins?

Mmm, I don't think so, actually, Bubbles.

I think you're thinking of Terry Turnips, Laura.

Well, we're very sorry for the error.

We'll correct it in all future broadcasts.

Aw, thanks, Laura.

Laura Chuck-a-loli-couple.

Nice to be out, babe.

We'll see you soon.

Okay, bye.

yeah I mean that's Bobo after his motorcycle accident that very much changed the timbre the sound of his voice there I would say but what a lovely song that's lay lady lay Adam and Joe here on BBC six music very nice to be with you this Saturday morning listeners here's a short message right now from AJ he puts AJ male and gay Landudno North Wales

Very nice to hear from you AJ.

He says hi Adam and Jaws, listening to your podcast and your upturned plug singing.

We were talking about upturned plugs and for pop appropriation.

Upturned plug, I've been standing on an upturned plug.

He says it reminded me of when I was 13 I went into the hallway to see the hoover was out with the plug on the floor prongs pointing up.

I remember thinking someone could stand on that.

before I continued on my merry journey up the stairs later on came back down the stairs and being young and full of energy decided to do the age-old trick of jumping from the third step to the bottom I'd forgotten about the plug and I landed on it the plug lodged itself nicely into my foot after the x-ray it turned out I had chipped a bone I was on crutches for a few weeks 17 years on I still have small scars on my foot bad one

bad one i would have kept the holes and that could have been a like a novelty fun thing to plug things into yeah you got a plug in the bottom of your foot imagine the ladies that would be attracted by such a thing ladies what's this voice ladies love appliances large meteor oh let's move on

Do you mind if I flag my fridge into your foot?

It's 11.30 here on BBC6 Music.

Time for the news.

Flipping heck, I remember when that came out.

Still sounds so good.

Sounds amazing.

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five and The Message.

And I was aware of it in the early 80s, I guess, in the charts.

I was aware of it in the 40s.

Were you?

Because I'm that far ahead of the ball.

Way ahead when you're in your bomber.

And the curve.

Yeah.

Do you like to push envelopes too?

No.

What have you got against envelopes?

Hate them.

Hate the envelopes.

But when that came out, they used to play sometimes the 11 minute version or whatever it is.

And I wrote down all the words on several sheets of paper as a young, you know, 10 year old or whatever I was.

And then I learnt them and I got loads of the words wrong.

You know, I just, they were all misheard and everything.

Mid-range migraine.

The cancer membrane, what was it?

Broke my sacrophiliac, what's that?

Don't know.

Can't even, oh anyway.

I learnt it all.

It was good.

Well done.

Thanks very much.

It's a good story though, isn't it?

It's a very, very good story.

Let's have another one.

It's time for Text the Nation.

This is the part of the programme where we tell you a thing, what happened, and give you a sort of a subject and you have to text us in your response to that subject.

Isn't that right?

That's pretty much, I would say, right.

Have we got a jingle for this segment?

Yeah, here's what it sounds like.

Text!

Text the nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter.

Text!

And this week I wanted to talk about something that happened to me a week or so back at the hardware store.

I love hardware.

I don't know about you.

But I was deciding, I had decided even, to make a blackboard for the children's play area.

That's a very good idea.

And I thought, I'm going to make a blackboard.

So I, you know, I'm not going to buy a blackboard.

I'm going to make it.

You know, you can just get paint.

I ordered some blackboard paint.

Can you just paint that paint there on the wall there?

Paint that hecking wall with the blackboard paint.

Is that what you decided to do?

No, because I didn't want to ruin the wall.

Yes.

I thought I wanted the option of moving the blackboard.

A portable blackboard.

Portable blackboard.

So I went out to the hardware emporium and I bought a giant sheet of MDF.

Yes.

How big?

Massive.

As big as you can get.

I got them to shave the edge off but it was huge.

I mean it was just about big enough for me to be able to drag it along the floor.

You dragged it along.

You didn't have it on a little trolley.

Nah, I couldn't find the trolley.

Taller than you?

Yeah, way taller than me.

Really?

I mean, if I laid it lengthways, I could get it just about under my arm, so I was clamping it under my arm instead of dragging it along.

But I also had lots of other stuff with me.

It was absolutely, absolutely huge.

What an exciting trip.

Yeah, it was amazing.

But when I got out, I had to lean it up against the side of the door because I had to put the rest of my stuff in there.

The car door.

No no no, the exit of the shop.

So I had to put the rest of my stuff into the car.

I'm on my own incidentally, so there's no one to help.

So I open the boot of the car, I'm putting my stuff in, and I lean the huge sheet of MDF up against next to the sliding doors of the shop.

It was a very windy day though, right?

So as I am walking back from the car to collect my sheet of MDF, the sliding doors of the shop open and a couple exits, a sort of middle-aged couple with their nice Sunday afternoon, you know, shopping in their trolley.

A gust of wind catches this enormous heavy sheet of MDF and it starts to topple right towards this woman as she's leaving the shop and she can't see it and I can see it happening in slow motion.

So I instinctively just run towards it and go, oh no, watch out!

Too late.

It catches the back of her head.

What?

And smacks her shoulder, like scrapes down her shoulder.

No.

Luckily enough, it didn't catch her square on the head.

Otherwise, she would have been badly hurt.

Brained.

As it was, I'm sure it was quite painful for her.

And it was just horrific.

I thought, oh my god, that was my fault.

That was Dr. Buckles' fault.

So as soon as I saw that she wasn't badly hurt,

My next thought was, maybe I'm going to run away now and pretend that it's not my sheet of ridiculously stupidly left MDF there.

You know what I mean?

It wouldn't have been so stupid to leave it there if it hadn't been a windy day.

But boy, it was daft of me to prop it up there.

I don't know.

Was she on the floor at this point?

No.

Did she topple to the floor?

She didn't topple, no.

Did she scream?

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Like that?

Was she, was her husband or partner with her?

Husband was there, was like, oh my goodness.

Oh my God, darling.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

And I went up and I said, are you okay?

Are you okay?

And she said, yeah, yeah.

And you know, was she bleeding?

She wasn't bleeding.

Thank goodness.

She was okay.

But it must've really quite hurt and a massive shock.

Yeah.

And you know, they were well within their rights to be pretty furious.

Call the police.

Who the hell has left that there?

What complete moron has left that massive, dangerous piece of MDF there.

So at this point I'm thinking, okay,

Now things are going well for Buckles in one way because I look like a conscientious, caring member of the public who's saying, are you okay?

Are you okay?

But they don't know you were responsible for it in the first place.

Exactly.

They don't know that I'm the idiot hole that left it there.

So I'm thinking, oh man, am I going to, shall I just wait for them to walk away before collecting my MDF and putting it in the car or what?

Um, in the end I thought, no, I've just got to, I've got to man up.

So I get the MDF and I walk back to the car and I'm only a couple of spaces away from where this couple are parked.

And luckily they were, you know, a nice couple and didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

They could easily have got very angry and made a huge fuss.

But I was lucky and I thought, well, I better apologize.

And, you know, obviously as I'm the guy with the MDF.

And they could see me loading it into my car.

I said, I went up and I said, listen, are you okay?

And she said, yes, I'm fine.

I said, I'm so sorry.

That was my fault.

It was stupid to leave that there.

Um, and uh, I'm, I'm really happy that you're all right.

But as I was saying it, I immediately started thinking, maybe I shouldn't even admit to this because if she then gets like back pains or something, she could sue me.

Absolutely.

You know?

You know, when you're in a traffic accident, however... Sure, if you're injured in a trip or a fall at work.

Right.

But one of the things you're not supposed to do is admit liability.

You know, you could say... It's a horrible thing to say to people, but it's a good bit of advice from a legal point of view.

You're not supposed to admit that it's your fault.

You know, you can check that they're okay.

But you did.

You're an honest bucculese.

Well, I find it very hard to do that, yeah.

So I said, listen, I'm really, really sorry.

And luckily she was happy with the apology and she said, oh, well, it was windy.

It's not your fault.

So what are we looking for from people?

Talking about times when you've got a large sheet of MDF and it hurts someone.

This is the most specific textination we've ever done.

No, I'm talking about apologies.

Times when it's been hard to apologize, but you have done so.

And maybe techniques for apologizing.

Maybe times that you didn't apologize and you should have done and you wish you had done.

We're talking apology stories, right?

If it was theme time, radio hour, we're talking all kinds of apologies.

64046 is the text number.

The email is adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk for your responses to this week's Text the Nation.

Right now here's Sufjan Stevens with I Walked.

very nice sir that's the kings of leon there with molly's chambers adam and joe here on bbc6 music how you doing listeners you all right now last week i very confidently we were talking about was it on the podcast we were talking about this or on the actual show

I don't know what we were talking about.

We were talking about the bearded star of films like The Hangover and The Hangover 2, Zach Galifianakis.

Right.

And I extremely confidently said, no, no, it's pronounced Galifianakis.

And there was a few messages from people saying... Saying that you were Rongo Snodgrass.

Rongoloid.

It's pronounced Zach Galifianakis.

And I found a guy on YouTube who calls himself Pronunciation Book.

And he's American, but he goes through various... Despite the fact that he's American and has absolutely no right to be tampering with the language.

goes through and defines for people the correct pronunciation of some commonly mispronounced words.

Here he is pronouncing Zach Galifianakis for you.

I'll never forget.

The thing is that it's spelt Galicia Narcis and I think it's because I learned how to spell it.

I just felt so pleased and confident with myself.

You're too clever for your own good.

That's the thing.

Too analytical.

Too much brain power.

Too much respect for letters.

Well, I thought that I would go through a few bits of other pronunciation with you.

You know, Cher.

Here's a short list of words for you.

Oh, is this a test?

To deal with.

This is a little test for Cornballs with his pronunciation test.

So the first word is another name of a famous film star that Joe has to pronounce.

It's the star of Donnie Darko.

How would you pronounce that, Joe?

I would pronounce his name Jake

Gillan Hall Okay, and let's find the pronunciation.

Oh, you know, but I'm vacillating because it might be Gillan Hall.

Ah, well you've got to settle on one.

I'd go for the most conservative option.

Gillan Hall.

I would pronounce it Jake Geilen Hrel.

Well, now that I'm seeing it written down, the Jake is very straightforward.

G-Y-L-L-E-N-H-A-A-L.

So, Jill Henhal.

This is how I pronounce it, because the J I think is pronounced...

The J's pronounce purr like a P. It's a silent P. P-p-p-p-pook.

P-p-p-p-pook.

P-p-p-p-p-pook.

P-p-p-p-pook.

Here's the actual pronunciation according to Pronunciation Book on YouTube.

Jake Gyllenhaal.

Yes.

Jake.

Gyllenhaal.

So I was nearly there.

Nearly there.

Gyllenhaal.

Here's a tough one.

I only found out recently how to pronounce.

A famous German writer.

I know this.

G-O-E-T-H-E.

Goethe.

Right, let's have the real pronunciation.

Goethe.

Yeah.

Goethe.

Yes, because I've read a lot of Goethe.

Because you love Goethe.

I love Goethe.

I might read a little bit of Goethe right now.

Thanks, I'm ready to continue.

My favourite is Goethe.

I think he's a better writer.

Goethe.

How about this?

A word that means the political, economic, ideological or cultural power exerted by a dominant group over other groups.

Yeah.

Spelled H-E-G-E-M-O-N-Y.

Hegemony.

You're going for hegemony.

Is that?

No, hegemony.

Well, actually, I think... Hegemony.

Both are right.

It's a question of where you're from.

It's a transatlantic thing.

So pronunciation book goes for... Hegemony.

Hegemony.

No, no, no, no.

And he puts the accent on the second syllable there.

He's doing it like Hermione from Harry Potter.

Right.

And that's another commonly mispronounced one.

A lot of people going for her-me-own and things like that.

But, yeah, I think hegemony is acceptable if you're from the UK and the Americans say hegemony.

How about this?

A word for an initial or early stage.

I-N-C-O-H-A-T-E.

Well, this is a good one, because I'm not sure I've ever said this out loud, but I've read it a lot, and in my head it's, it's, well, I pronounce it phonetically.

In-co-hate.

I've got this wrong, haven't I?

I don't know, I've always said in-co-hate when I've said it out loud.

Let's see what Pronunciation Book says.

Inchoate.

No H in there.

Ah, but I like hate.

Exactly.

It's nice to have a word with hate in it that doesn't mean hate.

Inchoate.

And finally, a famous German watch manufacturer, T-A-G-H-E-U-E-R.

Mmm, these watches were very trendy when we were teenagers.

I had a big horrible yellow one.

Did you?

An enormous horrible yellow one.

Yeah, what about your watch?

I used to pronounce it Taj Herr.

Like the Taj Mahal.

Tag Heuer.

No, Tag Heuer is what I used to say.

Tag Heuer.

What's wrong with that?

That's what I'd go for.

Let's see what the real one is.

Tag Heuer.

But you've got to have that haughty New England accent to get it.

Tag Heuer.

Yeah, but Heuer is the key thing.

I think the Tag or the Tog is, you know, maybe that changes whether you're transatlantic or not.

Changes everything.

But Hoya?

That's what you're going for.

Targ Hoya.

I would never have gone for that like Tom Sawyer.

It's not an important one though, is it, that one?

Isn't it?

I'm more, uh, I'm more keen on Jake... Gillan... Gillan Hoyle.

A pack of Gillan Hoyle.

Isn't that how you pronounce it?

Jake Gyllenhaal.

With a silent P. If you want to challenge Adam and my pronunciation skills, then you can just send us words that we'll attempt to read out.

Adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.

And we'll manglerise them.

One of the hardest ones, I wonder.

Well, you see, this was inspired partly by my mispronunciation of Galifianakis, but also Maddy Cutler's message.

She says, hi corn meister and buck stongle, brackets, have I gone too far?

No.

On the subject of egg corns and mispronunciation, I have a habit of mispronouncing names of fictional characters.

Please see examples below.

One, Hermione from Harry Potter, has been pronounced in my head, Hermeone.

for 14 years.

Penelope Pussycat from Looney Tunes, always pronounced as Penelope.

Penelope, that's good.

Yeah, this is hard to spell phonetically, so you just pronounce it the same as envelope.

Do you think I have issues?

Bye Zs!

Maddy cutler kiss kiss kiss.

No Maddy, you're pretty normal I would say.

So yeah, we'd love to hear from anyone else who's got similar sort of problems.

Here's DJ Format, this is Separated at Birth.

Yeah, that's DJ Format with Separated at Birth.

You're listening to Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

Thanks very much for doing so.

I think it's time we, um, had some travelling tales, don't you?

Very aggressive, very aggressive jingle.

It's a shocking jingle.

It is, yeah.

It's the way it comes in.

I mean, there's a sort of static pop, a glitch, and a... It's quite hardcore.

It is hardcore.

Well, I can tone it down.

I just feel for people listening, maybe they're, you know, having a little stroll.

Well, where are all the people interpreting, you know, jingles for a certain jingle?

Why don't they do like a mellow version?

Why don't they do a mellow version of that one?

You're quite right.

If you don't like the Traveler's Tales jingle, it's not a question of not liking it.

I mean, of course it's amazing.

But if it's, it's just if it's unpalatable to you.

Here's a message from Dominic.

He says, Adam, because we were talking about on the podcast last week, we were talking about my jingles being considered too long by some people.

He says, Adam, I don't think your jingles are too long at all.

In fact, I think the travel entails jingle is two syllables too short.

When it comes on, I feel I need to add the word entail to the end of the final sentence.

I'd appreciate it if you could adjust the jingle accordingly.

You don't need to change the way the words scan or anything.

Just say entail after you've sung.

I want to know what your travel entails, he says.

Well, actually,

You've got the, you know, you have made a mistake there because the last sentence of the Travelling Tales jingle is a brilliant little bit of wordplay because it actually says, I want to know what your travel entails.

Your travel entails.

Oh, yeah.

What your travel entails.

I would like to know what your travel entails.

Yeah, you schooled that listener.

In your faith, Dominic!

He says, um, maybe I misheard the line itself, in which case I feel like a Wally.

All right, Wally.

How you doing Wally?

Here's a traveling tale from Rory in Warwick that I'm going to pronounced Warwick.

Hello, Dr. Buckfast Tonic and Mr. Cornish Pisky.

Saturday afternoon.

Busy train.

I like this one because he's written it.

Rory's written it in a very pithy manner.

Lots of full stop short sentences.

Saturday afternoon.

Busy train.

Table seat.

Couple facing me.

Genders irrelevant.

Uninhibitedly frisky.

Snogs, canoodles, hands up t-shirts, wriggles and murmurs.

Too much.

Sexy time.

I decide to exercise the power of my will and engage all-purpose upper body twitchy spasms at intervals of approximately 30 seconds.

What?

He starts to do weird twitching to try and freak them out and put them off.

Yeah.

Just upper body spasms like that.

I did one.

My headphones nearly fell off.

Chug with your keys.

Reaction?

The snoggers disengage on spasm number two.

And for the remainder of the journey, devote their attention to inoffensive fashion mags.

Result!

But Elation swiftly replaced with a sense of guilty unease.

Rory in Warwick.

I mean, that's going quite far to start, you know, faking a... But that's good, it's a very good technique.

Sometimes, some people say that if you get in a difficult situation in the street, you know, if you're in a situation that looks like it might get ugly with some people who are trying to rob you or something, the best thing to do is to act crazy.

We've discussed this before probably, you know,

Like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop.

Does he do that?

I don't know.

And then they won't come anywhere near you.

It's a similar kind of thing, but this is better, I think.

The spasming is more subtle.

And I'm thinking Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.

He does that, doesn't he?

He does that all through all nine films.

Outcrazies people.

Here is one from Richard Doyle dear Adam and Joe although I normally travel normal class sometimes if I know that I'll be traveling a few weeks in advance I treat myself to a first-class ticket as they're quite often only five pounds more which I make back by drinking several cups of coffee steaming a newspaper and eating lots of biscuits haha in your face man

On one occasion, I was sitting in my reclining leather seat with my laptop, and I thought I'd pop some music on as I'd listen to all of your podcasts.

It can happen.

As I'm not a yob, I got out my headphones so as not to disturb my fellow well-to-do-looking passengers.

I plugged my headphones in and decided what to listen to.

Feeling mildly rebellious in my first-class surroundings, I thought I'd kick off with a little Ramstein followed by Ice-T's Wrong Noodle to Flip With.

That's not what it's actually called.

I hit play, closed my eyes, and reclined in my enormous leather seat.

My music seemed a bit quiet, so I turned the volume up a bit, but it still sounded a bit wrong.

But my headphones weren't of the best quality, so I put it down to that.

About halfway through Wrong Noodle to flip with, I realized that the sound wasn't actually coming out of the headphones at all.

It was to my horror coming out of the laptop speakers and entertaining my fellow passengers.

I hadn't pushed the headphone jack in hard enough.

So quickly I jammed it in!

My fellow passengers had been nice enough to ignore the yob at the centre of the carriage, blasting out some quite offensive tunes, and I spent the rest of the journey red-faced and trying not to make eye contact.

As we got close to my destination, the now-quite-full train terminated, and I hurriedly packed my stuff up and dashed to the door so I didn't have to face anyone.

Now I always double-check my headphones.

from Richard Doyle that's bad isn't it very bad tricky situation a chap sat opposite me on the tube uh this week with headphones that literally might as well have just been speakers yeah and his music was so loud and he had a look on his face uh as if no one could hear this music

and that he was in his cool world you know listening to his secret music but no we could all hear it perfectly easily and he looked like a great big idiot hole do you ever do you ever let people know when that no he became aware because everyone was looking at him and he turned it down and looked sheepish then then a few minutes later someone else came on the tube and this is completely tangential he was a huge man a very big guy probably in the military or something big seven foot or something

But he had a backpack on, and it meant he couldn't sit back in his seat.

So it pushed him so far forward in his seat that he was about a foot away from my face.

And he stayed on there for five or six stops.

Was he smiling at you?

No, just trying not to look at me.

Yeah, but he was right right in my face in your face brilliant traveling tales there now Do you remember a couple of weeks ago?

We were or maybe last week even I had a special Platform announcement jingle or a jingle that could be used before any announcement in the travel system We'll just play it again to remind you

Thought it might be a fun thing, you know, like in France they have the N-C-S-N-C-F jingle.

Anyway, we got a message from anonymous, an anonymous man, and he says, dear Buckles and Scornballs, long time Podcat member, first time writer, I'm a mailman who wants to remain anonymous for reasons that will become clear.

I'm a train driver,

for a company that takes people in and out of London and I have to do my own announcements.

I eagerly await travel entails to see if any of my work colleagues have been recorded doing robot voices or spouting general wiffles and waffles but no nothing is yet.

I particularly enjoyed your non-sexy everward jingle and decided to rise to your challenge of getting train companies to adopt it for announcements.

Whilst working on a train into London earlier this week I played the jingle at the start of my announcement and ended it with a feeble

love you bye anyway hope you like it all the best and on from Birmingham not sorry from north of Birmingham but south of Manchester and here's what he recorded listen carefully listeners

So there's a love you buy at the end, and he did start with the, uh, a word jingle there.

There were a few bing bongs to disguise the actual destination of the train, so as not to make it too clear who the fellow is and get him fired or anything.

But nice job.

You get some kind of squadron prize for that.

That's amazing.

What a daring guy.

I'd like to hear someone playing it on a plane.

I mean, you'd really, really get in trouble then, wouldn't you?

Bing bong of a word.

Please fasten your seatbelts.

You don't want that kind of thing on a plane.

Do you not?

No.

It would undercut your confidence in the crew.

It would a little bit, wouldn't it?

Imagine if you thought that Dr. Puckules was flying the plane.

We're in trouble.

Here's the temptations.

This is Cloud 9.

Who is the lead vocalist of The Temptations?

It's not Levi Stubbs, is it?

He was with, uh... We'll never find it.

We'll never find it.

How do you find information like that out these days?

You have to go into a library and look through all the books and stuff.

How boring.

He's on the computer.

Hey, incidentally, thanks very much for some of the top tips that I got after complaining last week of... Paul Williams.

Paul Williams?

Was he singing that one?

David Ruffin.

Otis Williams.

Eddie Kendricks.

Melvin Franklin.

Kendricks is the only one that I could possibly have known from there.

I was complaining last week that it's very annoying when you, like I do a lot of time murder, going through documents, importing bits of text into documents and then having to go through and reformat them as I go along because I can't bear to see them all looking different.

Top tip I got that's totally transformed my life from Paul Hamley, the Podcat.

He says, listening to PodMax this week, here Adam has occasional trouble with text imported into Word having different formats all over.

In my capacity as office IT geek, I couldn't help writing in with a tip that Adam may be interested to know.

The command paste special and then choosing unformatted text

option avoids this annoying problem by not applying any formatting to the source text when pasting.

This is a fun tip isn't it?

What an exciting stinky linky.

Are you getting that though?

Can you see it in your mind what you have to do?

So you go copy the text right?

Copy the text.

Then when you go to paste the text you choose instead paste special and then you will see a dialog box far up giving you the option to choose unformatted text.

Simply select unformatted text and you will find the text forming into your document sitting there nice and snugly in the same format as the rest of the document.

Thank you very much.

From Paul Hamley, Podcat.

This is a good show though isn't it?

I mean you've got fun things, music and then you've got top computer tips!

I tell you what, there's only one thing that can lift this show again.

And that is the sound of David Bowie.

Here's a little free play.

And you know, people love to play all the trendy Bowie stuff.

But I'll go for the early Bowie any day.

And I know this is a amusing song for some people, not for me.

I think it's Wickels.

This is the Laughing Gnome.

What goes on in this town is none of your business.

None of your business.

As long as I'm living here.

As long as I'm living here it is.

you

Wow, I don't know why all actors don't just give up that's Nathan Jackson who put that together.

He's a male man He's 20 years old and he lives in France and that's what it does with his time dear ads and jizzle He says I'm a big fan of Bronholm really like the scene from Taff in so I thought I'd make a dance mix Hoping to release the extended mix in time for the Christmas number one, but I don't know if the sounds are annoying enough Hope you like it

Well, it could go on for longer.

That would become annoying.

And then I thought there was an opportunity there to maybe auto-tune the... You could do all sorts of stuff with that, surely.

That's right.

I keep feeling I have to give props to the people that turn me on to this thing.

Justin Edwards, Dave Armand and Rufus Jones.

He's an actor who turned a lot of people onto it, including Jason Haisely.

So thanks, guys.

You've really transformed our world.

Brilliant work by Nathan Jackson there creating that dance.

Thank you, Nathan.

We had another email as well.

Well, let's do this one first.

Kisi Sellout, who is a very important, exciting DJ on Radio One, who in previous shows has let another thing from this programme slip into the mix.

Right, what was it that slipped into the mix?

Oh, it was a little bit of G-Stix action.

A little bit of Wee Stix.

G6.

Now, Taffyn has managed to infiltrate Kissy's sellout show.

Have a listen to this clip.

Yo, yo, yo, what's up?

This is DJ Atwar, and right now you're in tune with my mini-mix on JaguarSkills and his amazing friend, BBC Radio 1.

hahahaha

Yes, that's the extended version as well.

Come on.

That's so good.

It's always good to make it to Radio 1.

That could surely be the... I mean, Nathan's already started work on it, but that has to be the cornerstone of an extraordinary dance hit.

I've gotta get... I'm gonna have a try at that.

Maybe we could do a Taffin-based song wars.

Let's do it, man!

We were only allowed to use Taffin, we're actually not allowed to do any vocals.

Yeah.

Other than that sample.

Good idea.

What about, can you use samples from elsewhere in the movie?

Or other Bronholm samples.

Yeah, Bronholm.

Other Bronholm samples, that's a good idea.

Let's give ourselves a little bit of time for this.

Can we unveil them at Glastonbury then?

Okay, it's gonna take a while to get all the Bronholm samples in.

Yeah.

That's a good idea.

Let's do it, man.

It's a plan.

Finally, on this section of the program, here's another email we had from John in Aberdeen.

Why did you get angry?

I was just getting efficient.

I felt we were getting efficient there.

We planned something for the future.

Of the programme.

I called this a section.

It was suddenly very officious.

Yes.

Okay, what's happening in the section of the programme?

Shut up.

Shut it.

Shut up.

Shut up

Remember during Wimbledon you guys discussed tennis grunting?

I was watching the French Open highlights and thought Taffyn might enjoy a set or two of tennis.

Here are the results.

It just makes everything better.

Thank you very much, John and Aberdeen, for creating that and sending that to us.

Good stuff.

Wow.

I mean, surely this has got to end with Bronnholm on the phone, doesn't it?

It should do, shouldn't it?

I've interviewed Bronnholm.

Have you?

Yeah, when I was doing my Radio 4 film show stint.

Was he nice or a little frightening?

He was really nice.

Yeah.

I love him.

I think he's amazing.

All right, listen, let's say, let's put out the feelers now, because you never know who listens to this show.

Bronnholm, why would we ask him, though?

I don't know, we'll just get him to say the thing.

He never would though, because he's too famous.

No, he's got a sense of humour.

Does he?

Yeah, he's a very, very underrated comic actor.

The Matador springs to mind.

Oh, Matador's brilliant.

He's a very, very underrated comic actor.

Yeah, yeah.

He's a very underrated actor per se.

Sure.

I've got maximum respect.

Why you call me per se?

Because that's your name.

Why you calling me Percy?

Percy Edwards.

My name's Denny Differ.

He's the beautiful Emmy the Great.

Yes, this is Iris.

Just a man having some funky fun in his kitchen, sounds like.

Ezra Konig, I think that is, isn't it?

From Vampire Weekend with Warm Heart of Africa, the band that is.

No, no, no, no, no.

Warm Heart of Africa is the name of the track.

The very best is the name of the band, right?

Well done.

Thanks, man.

That was from a couple of years ago.

And here's a message right now.

Get rid of... deal with a few messages that we've had coming in.

Incidentally, thank you so much for all your communication with this show.

We do read absolutely everything that comes in.

But it's just not possible to read it all out, is it?

It's just not physically possible.

It would be.

It would be physically possible, but it would take all the entire six music output.

Yeah.

When you were away, myself and Garth were talking about greeting problems.

Yes.

Something that we've talked about before on the show.

Yes.

Here is a message from Laura.

She says, Hi Adam and Joe.

Just chipping into your greetings technique discussion, saying goodbye to my cousin-in-law one Christmas.

She leaned in for the cheek kiss and feeling a bit tentative and air-kissed rather than going directly for her cheek.

Does that make sense?

Mm-hmm.

This backfired massively as the slight suction created by the air kiss pulled her earlobe into my mouth And I ended up nibbling her ear instead of just harmlessly kissing her cheek So she didn't want to go for the actual kiss on the cheek She goes for an air kiss, but she's created so much suction with her lips She sucks her earlobe into her mouth and starts sucking it That's not

I have problems with those air kisses as well.

Do you?

No one does air kisses!

No, it's a joke thing to do!

Well, sometimes you... Mwah, mwah, that's what punces do.

Just sort of holding back a little bit.

No, no, no, pods kiss.

It's a pods kiss.

I tend to smash cheekbones.

I just bang the cheekbone against the other person's cheekbone.

Deliberately.

No, I don't really know what I'm doing is the bottom line.

So I just sort of smash cheekbones.

You know, the upshot of the conversation that inspired the chat that myself and Garth had with this lady.

That was a mangled sentence, wasn't it?

Anyway, I'll carry on.

Was the lady was was absolutely lobbying for just a positive Greeting, you know you decide what your greetings gonna be and you go for it and throw yourself into it 100% and she said that she would rather have a lip kiss with a stranger than Just to see the lily-livered

I'm not sure if I should do both cheeks kind of kiss, you know?

She's a very forward lady.

She is, yeah.

She should work at six music reception.

Right.

Would she?

She could lip kiss everyone what comes in the door.

I was wondering if you were lip kissing the receptionist lady that was down there at the moment.

Maybe I am.

What is it to you?

I'm just a little bit jealous.

But thank you very much for that, Laura.

Thank you for admitting to your earlobe sucking there.

Let's play the vaccines.

This is all in white.

Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.

Now, we don't have a jingle for eggcorns because they're an irregular element of the programme.

Yeah, but we've got some good ones.

Thank you to everybody who sent in your eggcorns.

If you're not sure what that is, all will become evident when we start to read some out.

There are some pretty funny ones here, I reckons.

This is from Alex, a mailman from Tunbridge Wells.

Um, dear Adam and Joe, my friend was so blown away by a Britain's Got Talent illusion that he sent his, that he set his Facebook status praising the Deftifying stunt.

Deftifying.

That stunt is Deftifying.

That's absolutely Deftifying.

So he's combining a Deft stunt with a Deftifying stunt and coming up with Deftifying.

Deftifying.

is almost better than better than you know so he's almost improved it it defines deftness that's a good one here's one from Fred of Islington and Sweden he's got a foot in both camps hi Adam and Joe I was doing a course one day operating a scissor lift a few years ago during the classroom based part of what is a scissor lift

a scissor lift is a sort of platform that goes straight up isn't it with a sort of zigzag mechanism like a concertina mechanism oh yes one of them straight up oh they look fun they are fun they look wicked i'll get you one i'll hire you one for your birthday you can just go up and down on it all day

Oh man, that would be so good if I could.

I will do that.

Please, that would be so nice.

Fred of Islington, he went on a course to learn how to operate one.

Lucky man, you're so lucky.

Every time the instructor gave us an important piece of safety advice, he would point at our pen and paper and tell us to make a mental note, waiting for us to write it down before continuing.

He says, I'm not a scissor lift driver at the moment.

So the guy is saying, he's just got the phrase, okay, I'll make a mental note, but he's, what he means is just make a note, make a note.

He's got the sort of, uh, you know, the brain, the interior life confused with exterior life, the tangible confused with the intangible, the physical with the metaphysical.

Yeah.

He should, he should get into some sort of poetry instead of teaching scissor lift.

Sure.

Make a mental note.

And then do you think he's just using biro to scrawl onto his subconscious?

Mental things.

Here's one from anonymous.

I've recently come across a rather fantastic head corn via my mother-in-law-to-be.

My wedding is three weeks away and the mother-in-law-to-be was describing an outfit she'd seen.

I must admit my attention was waning but when she started describing the finer details she used the term Del Monte's instead of Diamante's.

She has since been corrected by my other half but she will not use the correct term.

What lovely Del Monte's on that dress.

That's like the ultimate accolade isn't it?

Wow that looks exactly like a delicious tin of peaches.

Nick says, a male person, not sure if this even counts as an eggcorn but my lady partner friend once said one of my favourite things ever.

Oh I'm so tired I could sleep a horse.

I'm trying to use that more in day to day life.

Now what's going on there?

I could eat a horse and I could sleep like a log.

I could sleep a horse.

I could eat a log.

I could sleep a horse.

I mean, that's pretty twisted.

And here's a really good one.

Finally, from Eleanor, a lady person in York.

I thought I'd share this overheard conversation from work today for your occasional egg corns feature.

One colleague was trying to open an iron brew bottle, but she couldn't get the lid off.

She joked that this was because she hadn't been drinking her iron brew, so she wasn't getting enough iron to make her strong.

Colleague number two commented, oh, it's like one of those bacon and egg situations.

Cue a quick exit to the coffee lounge to giggle.

Bacon and egg situation.

Yeah, sure.

What came first, the bacon or the egg?

Uh, the bacon.

Mmm.

Get it sizzling and then you put the egg in.

Yes.

Simple as that.

Philosophical quandary solved.

Here's a free play.

This is yours, Joe.

Yeah, this is a little bit of sweet soul music, courtesy of, and how do you say this band's name, Adam?

Well, we used to enjoy saying Tony Tony Tony, but I think... I think it's just Tony Tony Tony.

This is called Thinking of You.

It's Desire by Anna Calvi.

That's it from us.

Thank you very much to everybody who's listened and emailed us and texted us.

This programme will be available as a podcast.

Pretty soon in the next few hours they're getting faster and faster at turning out that podcast.

Maybe not until this evening.

After 6pm I think it is.

Yeah.

So yeah, thank you very much indeed for listening.

Here's a quick message actually from Liam Ringwood.

Do you remember we were talking about sticking it to the man the other week?

People ringing through apples at a cheaper price there to save 20p sometimes to stick it to that man.

Liam says, what do you think happens when someone buys something but pretends it's something else?

The store computers say it's still there, but someone's waltzed off with it, happy that they've cheated the man out of 20p, or some stupid amount like that.

Someone has to go looking for it in the warehouse.

Maybe it's been mislaid somewhere.

If it's fresh fruit, it might start rotting away before anyone notices.

You're not cheating the man!

You're creating more work and stress for the little guys!

Stop stealing things!

It doesn't hurt the man, it hurts the honest worker!

Wow, that's chastening.

Alright.

He's got a point.

He's got a point, but what are you supposed to do?

Just take it to the man, like, get political and, like, go on rallies and... Well, that's the problem.

The man surrounding himself with normal people is a kind of a human shield.

You know, you want to do something...

It's like he's saying... Just go up to the man and give him a slap.

In the julies.

Coming up soon, of course, the wonderful Liz Kershaw.

She is talking about who's the most talented musician to come out of Britain, Dappy, today.

And there's going to be a lot of talk about Mr Bowie as well.

So stay tuned for that.

She's coming up in a matter of minutes.

We'll be with you at the same time next week at 10am here on BBC6 Music.

Right now we're going to sign off with the birds, so you want to be a rock and roll star.

Take care, love you all!

Bye.