We are hardcore fans.
I tried listening to the live show, there's too many music gaps between the chat.
My solution was to find online previous shows with just the music cut out.
Apparently those exist, I'm not sure you're allowed to do them.
In your face man!
that's about someone going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and just taking way too much really yeah control yourself take only what you need from it it's an important subject for a song of course it is I mean enough of these songs about love and self-aggrandizing well exactly someone's got to deal with the people who are being very greedy with the all-you-can-eat buffet things that matter you don't need those role you need all those roles
One is fine.
One roll is fine.
You can go back if you need another one.
Hey listeners, good morning.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.
Welcome to the programme.
We're here until 1pm.
My name's Joe.
My name's Adam.
Hey Joe.
Where you been with that?
guitar in your hand.
You've been to the American states.
I've been to Americans, yeah.
Yeah, what was it like?
It was fun, it's amazing.
Ronald Reagan is president.
Is he?
He used to be a film star.
He did, he did.
What's he did, president?
I saw the new film The Money Pit with Tom Hanks and Shelley De Winters.
Apparently it's better than ET.
It's better than ET.
It's amazing, it's amazing, it's amazing.
And all the rage out there are Dealey socks.
Yeah, the cat dealies made them trendy.
Yeah, you put them on your head and they woggle around.
I love that stuff.
And everyone eats skateboards.
It's amazing.
That's what they do.
They, they go around on chocolate skateboards with licorice wheels and then they flip them up in the air and catch them in their mouths.
And they talk like that.
Everybody talks like that.
No, it was very good fun.
But I hear the show went alarmingly well without me.
Garth did another very good job.
We won a Sony.
Did you win a Sony?
They had a special ceremony.
They won a special award.
Wow, that's humiliating.
Chris Evans bust in halfway through the show and said, listen, we've decided to give you this Sony.
Well, that's it for cornballs.
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
Game over.
Looking good.
So you've got to play your A game this week.
Okay, okay, okay, well we're going to start that A game with, what's it called?
With the Black Squadron command, yes.
Yeah, let's have the jingle jungle.
Black Squadron!
Always catch the beginning of the show Black Squadron don't want to miss a thing That's not the way Black Squadron rolls
Ooh, there's a little bit of live squadron commanding going on there.
So Black Squadron is the elite listening force that has been generated over the months and years on this programme, a highly trained group of listeners who listen to the show live in the first hour.
Welcome, Black Squadron.
How are you doing, squadron?
We're going to issue you a command.
Your job then is to execute that command and take a photo of yourself doing it and send it to us here at the Adam and Joe show on BBC6music, either by text 64046 or by email adamandjoe.cotton.
No, adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.cotton.uk.
bbc.co.uk.
Sorry.
And remember, if you send us a photo, you are giving us explicit, implicit permission to pop it on our blog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pop it anywhere we want.
Pop it anywhere we want.
Possibly on the side of a bus.
Pop it on a balloon.
Launch the balloon into space.
So it's a single word command.
You can interpret that command in any way you want.
We will read out the ones we get in.
Read out or describe the ones we get in fastest and that are the most imaginative and powerful.
Yeah.
This week we have some music for you to perform the task to.
Ooh.
It is a...
What?
Performing to the music.
It is a single word Black Squadron command and the track we're going to play you is, you know, based... it's the theme to a famous movie which happens to have the same name as the command and it's a disco version of the theme to that movie.
I can't really tell you what it is without giving away the command.
Well, you've got to say the command at the beginning and then fire off the music.
Yeah, exactly.
We're going to say the command then fire off the music.
The music is an exciting disco version of the theme to this 1978 film.
I think it's... 79, I think.
79.
Maybe I'm talking about the US release, Adam.
No, you're not.
Here we go.
So here's the command, Black Squadron.
Stand by.
Your command this week is Alien.
There we are.
That's the theme from the film Alien.
That's the disco version.
It's by a band called Nostromo.
Edgar Wright gave that to me on MP3.
I haven't really got any details.
Would you like to say the word details like that?
Details?
I say deetles.
Deetles, do you?
Yeah.
Well done, Black Squadron.
We've had some photos in.
We will be processing them.
And in the link after this one, we'll describe some of them to you.
Yeah.
I got stung by a bee.
did you how awful this week how awful yeah how did that happen well i felt that slightly i had it coming to me because did you provoke the bee yeah what did you do i went out i was doing you know i do this thing online on my youtube channel actually you know it's on the bbc comedy channel called uh countryman
And I dress up in like a top hat and I talk like this and I walk around the countryside.
It's funny, I like it a lot.
People should check it out if they haven't checked it out.
I make a lot of observations about the country.
So I was going to do one about bees and how much I hate bees.
Because I'll never ever forgive the bees for what they did to Macaulay Culkin in my go.
Mmm, and so they could they killed him killed.
They killed totally unexpected just after he'd had his first kiss with them What's-her-face Anna Pat Quinn or someone?
Yeah, it's not an apparently lady fingers Yeah, and what are they nine in that film or something?
They're too young to be killed by bees.
That's for sure in a family movie
You know what I mean?
But it's important, it's instructional.
Sure it is, yeah, it teaches you about death, but... I think it's very stereotypical.
There should be a warning at the front, shouldn't there?
Like at the beginning of that film.
And now the family film, My Girl, starring Macaulay Culkin.
Warning, he gets killed by bees halfway through!
It's dramatic!
It's important for kids to understand mortality.
There's that film Bridge to Terabithia as well that's a real stomach punch.
We don't want to give away the ending to that.
You'll never guess what happens in that.
But so I went out and I was dressed in my top hat and stuff and my stupid clothes and I film all these bits on my own, right?
So I had my tripod set up and I found a nest of bees in this old abandoned house.
They were going nuts.
Lovely sunny day.
I thought, brilliant, perfect bees to do my filming with.
So I set up my tripod, start filming them, right?
And I'm zooming in, and I'm a few feet away, and I got my telephoto lens on there to avoid any trouble.
So I zoom in on them, and then I start doing some clowning around, jumping around in front of the camera, and they start buzzing around me.
So I keep my distance again and I move away.
But then they started coming after me.
I didn't know they did that.
Well they don't usually do it, it's only when particular comedians are doing particular routines.
He's doing country man, let's get him!
I mean, it was really frightening.
And I thought it only happened in cartoons and stuff where people are running away from swarms of people.
They were properly chasing you.
They were chasing me like in a cartoon.
What a shame you didn't have a cameraman there to follow it.
Well exactly, I mean I've got the audio, I should have brought in the audio of me screaming, actually I can't play it.
Where did you get bitten?
I, they went for my face.
Of course they went for your face.
And they rummaged in there and they got, they bit me on the eyebrow.
Right.
Right, they stung the heck out of me.
On the eyebrow.
Yeah.
They probably, it's probably a good time to have a beard, you know, because they, that's half your face out of action.
That's true, yeah.
Unless one of them gets tangled in there.
Unless one of them gets tangled.
And does multiple stings.
Exactly.
It was so freaky and they kept coming for me.
And, you know, I'd be thinking, oh I've lost them, I've lost them.
I was hiding, I had to run away from the camera and just leave it there for a while.
I think I've lost them, and then I'd hear
Terrifying, terrifying.
It kept coming.
It kept coming.
And after the initial sting, which wasn't too bad, I mean it's not the end of the world, but it's a shock, you know, and the pain just keeps in there.
It's quite a dull pain.
How boring.
What, dull, like, boring?
Yeah, it's a boring pain.
No, you know, and it sticks with you like it was painful for a day or something.
Yeah.
Bees die when they sting you, don't they?
Good, good, good.
I mean, so it's kamikaze, they mean it.
They hate you so much, they're prepared to give their life.
They're coming back, aren't they?
The community, the bee community.
Oh, after being... Yeah, they were in trouble for a while.
Yeah, that's true.
I think they discovered what that was, didn't they?
Yeah.
Shingles.
I don't know what it was.
It's pesticide or something.
Yeah.
Anyway, well, what a story.
Thanks.
It's gone down.
You look alright.
Let's do a tiny bit of a lumpy bumpies.
Yeah, that's just my face.
I hate bees.
Now we're going to get loads of emails from people saying, bees are wonderful.
If it wasn't for the bees, we'd all die.
I know that.
I like honey.
Bees don't actually produce honey, do they?
I'm not sure.
That's one of the byproducts.
I think it would be a good way to whittle out the good and bad comedians, just set bees on them.
Set bees on them.
See which ones the bees go for.
I hate them!
Here's Aretha Franklin.
This is Rocksteady.
Yeah, she's good.
I mean, she's good enough, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's alright.
Aretha Franklin with Rocksteady.
She's got a good voice.
It's Adam and John, BBC6 Music.
Have we stood and downed the squadron?
No, not yet.
Not yet?
Not until after we've read some photos?
He's still on duty until 1030.
Okay, okay.
Well, here are some of the images we've had sent in to us in response to the Black Squadron command, which was alien.
This one's from Sophie and David in Bristol.
And I think that looks like David, unless Sophie has a small beard under her bottom lip.
He is doing a very good reconstruction of the chest bursting scene there.
With a little piggy, a stuffed piggy coming out of the old chesticles.
Very nice.
Very good, and there's a very good expression of agony there.
John Hurtescke.
Uh, uh, mealtime agony.
He's going.
Very good.
You need to pop a spoon in his mouth in case he bites his tongue.
That's right.
or a fork similar thing is being done there by Neil and is that Neil's son Django in which case what an exceptionally excellent name for your son and um your son is going to have uh some troubled times when Quentin Tarantino's forthcoming film Django comes out
That's an amazing picture.
It is an amazing picture.
What a brilliant name, Django.
Your dad's cool.
And yeah, so Django's actually emerging from Neil's sort of chest area.
Yeah, Neil's got his cardi on and he's unbuttoned it to allow Django's little smiling face to pop through.
And Neil's got a very, very good expression of agony on his face there.
Wow.
You know what that reminds me of as well?
Is a film that we often talk about, Total Recall.
Yes, with the person with the faces in their chest.
Yeah, Quatu.
Is that his name?
The leader of the revolution who pops out of the guy's stomach.
Good call.
That is brilliant.
Steve Ruck's wife, she doesn't have her own name, she's merely referred to as Steve Ruck's wife, has displayed her pregnant belly and is pointing towards it.
We're assuming it's pregnant, it's not just cakes in there.
So, and we assume this is a comment on being pregnant feels like you're sort of inhabited by an alien thing.
Unless she's been impregnated by an alien.
And that's why Steve is like putting a bit of distance between himself.
Maybe Steve Ruck is an alien.
Maybe he is.
An alien called Steve.
Yes, that's right.
And then finally, in terms of the ones what we've chosen, this is one from Kath and Anne.
I'm saying this is one, as if you guys can all see them, but you will be able to on our blog.
Kath and Anne, who are camping at the Hay Festival, so they've had to be very inventive with the stuff that they've bought with them there.
you've described to the listeners what they've done?
She is, what's she got like a cup on her face she's just biting a cup the bottom of the side of a cup so that it's like a big snout and she's got a hood up and glasses on and pants underneath the glasses it looks as if maybe possibly good good effort though Sam Carter's done a good one as well in Manchester shoved a stuffed monkey into the hood of their hoodie I like the more you know Ridley Scott based alien one yes yes
Oh man, when's the prequel coming out?
I saw Benny Wong, one of the four actors.
Is he in it?
He's in it.
Oh, he's lucky.
And he was talking about how exciting it was to be doing the Alien prequel with Riddles.
I bet.
I mean, can you imagine how exciting that would be?
Regardless of how it turns out, I don't care.
Apparently it's not necessarily directly connected.
It's quite a sort of tangential story, I hear.
But it's very hard to get in there.
We were at Pinewood the other day.
We wanted to sneak onto the set.
No way, Jose.
No.
High security.
Sure.
Total lockdown.
Wow.
Howie.
When does that come out?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning.
Oh, I want that to come out.
Riddles.
Back to sci-fi.
I mean life doesn't get better, does it?
Here's a free play for you right now, listeners.
What about standing down the squadron?
We're not going to stand them down.
Not yet.
We'll stand them down before the news.
Not yet.
American boy.
Okay, I've forgotten how this show works.
This is the White Stripes.
My son Frank is very gratifyingly getting into the White Stripes.
I put some on his MP3 player.
Isn't he coming to visit us today?
I think no next week, I think he's popping in.
But he is just devouring them to the extent now that he knows every single track by the White Stripes and he's telling me about stuff that I'd never really listened to properly before.
And he's learning all the riffs on his guitar there and... You should have called him Django.
Well no, Frank, I mean that's a great musical lineage he's got there.
Frank Black, Frank Zappa.
Anyway, this is one that he said, Dad, have you heard this one?
I never had.
And it's kind of a rare one.
It was released in 1999 as a split single with the Dirtbombs, also a garage band from Detroit, Hand Springs and Cedar Point.
Cedar Point was the Dirtbombs.
But this is Hand Springs by White Stripes.
Yes, that's exciting, isn't it?
Adam and Joe here on Saturday morning.
Little bit rainy today, mate, which is nice because the Earth was crying out for water.
That's my rainforest song.
Is it?
Yeah, that's what I sing when the Earth is crying out for water.
Look, you're doing that thing with your mic again.
My mic's broken and weird.
When you caress your mic in that suggestive way, it starts purring.
Can you hear that purring?
It's because Joe's been teasing his wife.
Nah, it's just a slightly broken mic.
We'll fix that in a second.
Here we go, but Black Squadron, it's time to stand you down.
Are we going to stand them down?
Yeah.
Sorry, we're having Mike Shenanigans this morning.
Mike Shenanigans would be a good name for a cop, don't you think?
Yes.
Hey, Black Squadron, that's better.
That sounds better all round.
Thank you for all your amazing contributions.
We've got some brilliant alien pictures, and do watch out for the Adam and Joe blog.
They'll be up there hopefully towards the end of the day, maybe, maybe tomorrow, as soon as our team of crack picture-putter-uppers can do that.
You're going to say something else.
adamandjoe.6musicatpbc.co.uk the text number is 64046 if you want to contribute an alien picture or if you want to get in touch about anything else coming up in the show and let's remind you that later on in this program we've got the results of last week's song wars my battle with Garth Jennings will get Garth on the phone and have a live results announcement just after 11 o'clock I think but right now it's coming up to 10 30 and it's time for the news
Adam and Joe's on six music Yeah, everybody could hear that well the reason we fired that one off or the reason I asked James to fire that one off is because we Had this message here from Tim.
He's a mailman in London.
He says dear Corbucks That's a kind of amalgam there of our names Joe.
Mmm
I've to save time.
He's done it to save time.
Cut down on time wastage.
You're very uptight about time.
I'm very uptight about time.
He says, I've deliberated about whether to send you an email about this.
It's not really that big a deal.
However, it does have a strange ability to trivially irritate me unbelievably when I hear it.
I think it's usually at the end of the news there's a guy who says, as if he's never read those words before in his life.
Can we just have one more listen to that, James?
After that, there's some weird Scandinavian or Dutch sounding bloke who says, as if he's currently trying to climb through a letterbox.
Who is this man?
I'm not sure if I'm offended or just confused.
Could you investigate?
Where do these things come from?
Is there a library of some guy saying six music in different accents?
Much love, Tim.
Mailman London.
You have to be careful here, don't you?
Because the previous radio station we were on, you, I think we talked about this before, but you went off and did some jingles that parodied what they call the station identity, right?
Yeah.
It's a very important part of any station's identity.
yes and you parodied them and the man what done the ones you parodied got quite annoyed didn't he yeah he was quite angry and we got to ticking off we said you don't you know you can be irreverent you can joke about certain things but you're crossing a line yeah when you try and uh be parodic about the station's branding yeah because it doesn't sound like everyone's pulling for the same team exactly right if you start taking the mick out of the idents but i can't help it we we have to take the mick out of the idents
Especially that one.
I've often wondered that about that one myself.
Like, why is he suddenly German?
I mean, there's nothing against Europeans.
Because it's quirky.
I'm trying to be the devil's advocate.
It's quirky.
Carry on, yeah.
It makes you pay attention.
Does it?
And, you know, Six Music is a very unique station and...
Scandinavia is a very unique area.
What about Jamaica?
Why can't we have a Jamaican one?
I don't know, that's less, it might make people think it's a reggae station.
Right.
I mean, Mark Lamarr's got a great big long reggae jingle and stuff, like it's sort of authentic, well it's not Mark Lamarr doing a reggae voice, you know, but I think we should have, does that Scandinavian or European guy pop up for anyone else, James?
Or is it just us?
It's just us, really.
Can we find out why they've done that?
Who's in charge of that sort of thing?
It is awful.
We've had it since day one, haven't we?
Really?
I think that might even have been there when we were covering for breakfast years back.
I tell you what, let's find out who he is and let's try and get him on the phone next week.
The man.
Or even better, let's get him in and vilify him and hurt him.
Okay, good plan.
Let's do that.
I'll bring a fork.
Let's tweak him.
Let's see what other accents he can do and find out if he's a real European mailman.
That would be good.
Okay, now listen, we're going to do retrotextination after this.
And if you recall, retrotextination is going to be dealing with sticking it to the man.
A lot of people with their stories about how they've been trying to wangle a bit of extra this and that, some of which is a little bit criminal.
So here's to get you in the mood, Jane's addiction with being caught stealing.
Yes, it's a new sound.
It's called punk funk.
I hate it.
James addiction.
We've been caught stealing Adam and Joe here on BBC six music and it's retro text the nation time but instead of the regular jingle we bought something else from that's the nation's favorite jingle.
Craig Atkinson has taken the nation's favorite jingle.
to the next level.
He says, hello there, buxelweed and cornblaster.
Wow.
Thank you.
Please find enclosed my take on the retro text the nation jingle, which I call retro text the nation concoction.
The game here is to identify as many of the songs and or artists that I've used as possible.
Hope you like it.
Love the show.
Bye.
It's a lot of ease on there.
Thanks, Craig.
And he gives us three kisses at the end.
One for James, one for Joan, one for myself.
Thank you.
Here's what he's come up with.
Listen to the podcast I used to feel I used to feel administration Because I couldn't join in with tax evasion without my troubles Disappearing because retro tax evasion
Grown in a beast that's forgotten
wowza that's amazing isn't it some of the tracks is used in there is uh rough by lady gaga he's got listen to from department of eagles there's some bob marley in there beatles listened to by the department of eagles and no i mean he's got the words to listen to from classical records by department of eagles he's cheated a couple of times he wasn't able to find a song that had the word podcast in there yes
There's got to be one summer.
Surely someone's written a song about a podcast.
Have they not?
There's a gap in the market.
Gap in the market, young exciting bands.
Get in there.
Craig Atkinson.
Thanks so much.
What an amazing amount of work.
That was extraordinary and particularly exciting for me as the person who wrote that.
That jingle, I mean, to have a sort of cut up tribute to it is really incredible.
I mean, it's been a classical version now, you know, choir version.
And it must, I don't know, I'm guessing, but it must make you, Adam, feel awful.
I mean, really awful that the tributes to my jingle have really become so, you know, extreme.
Paul McCartney covered it, do you remember that?
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
It's unbelievable is what it is.
So there you go.
So what was last week's Text the Nation subject?
Sticking it to the man, yo.
Of course.
Do you remember the Cox's Orange Pippin guy?
He was ringing through, he was going to the self-checkout at supermarkets.
That kind of thing, yeah.
He was getting his jazz apple or whatever and ringing it through as something cheaper.
And we've got a whole bunch of messages from people who are doing similar things to stick it to the man.
So we're not encouraging illegality here.
No, we're not.
Absolutely not.
We don't want to see you go to jail.
We don't want you to rend us under the fabric of society in that way.
Sorry, I've got some wind built up.
Which way is it going?
It's coming out of the top hole.
So that's fine.
But here's a message from someone.
You're talking about the fact that one way to get your own back on the man is to, when you're doing the pay and display parking, if you haven't used your allotted amount of time,
Go and give the ticket to someone else, mate.
Oh, that's nice.
And then you're like a saint, and you're sticking it to the man at the same time.
Absolutely true.
In your face, man.
But here's someone who says, this is from Pete Crowe, he says, hi, Buckers and Corny.
Really sticking it to the man.
I also gift my parking ticket to the next needy parker.
But recently at the hospital the man cottoned on and now you have to enter your number plate before getting your minimum two hour ticket.
It's getting increasingly more difficult to do any kind of sticking it to the man.
What is that?
This is a very controversial area having to pay to park in hospital car parks.
I mean that's double controversy because not only are they making you pay to park at the hospital, they're getting a number plate so you can't gift your ticket to someone else.
What is that?
I blame the Tories.
Do you?
Yes.
I blame Labour.
That's very balanced.
For the sake of balance.
For goodness sake, that is just staggering though.
I mean the man needs to be kicked right in the julies for that.
Have you got one there?
I have got one.
This is from Callie, a lady from Brighton.
Hey guys, spelt H-A-I.
Hey guys!
Long time listener, first time writer in... Hi guys!
Bus fares are crazy expensive, so I like to stick it to the man by getting my kid on the bus for free.
My son is a little smaller than most, so he passes for being under the required age for paying.
Is this wrong?
I always feel a little quiver whenever the bus driver takes a look at him, but they haven't called me on it yet.
When we saunter on and find some seats, I smile to myself and feel like I've conquered the system.
And you don't get busted though?
Because surely sometime someone is going to say, how old are you, Sonny Jim?
I remember that happening quite a lot as a kid.
My mum getting us in on child prices even when we were a bit too old.
Would she coach you to give a fallacious answer?
Maybe.
Because I tried to do that with Natty.
Do you?
When we were in... It didn't work.
Well, he didn't want to lie.
Well, I'm glad to say that he couldn't lie.
He hasn't got the proper equipment for lying at that stage.
So, you know, they had to be, I think it was seven or something to do this ride.
And she said, and I said, say you're seven, Natty, if she asks.
How old are you, son?
I'm six, seven!
Aw, aw.
He couldn't quite do it.
Good for him.
But yeah, it didn't work.
Here's one right now from, let's see, who is this?
Grant Solo.
He's Han Solo's cousin, I think.
Really?
Yeah.
Hi, Captain Buckaroo and the corn-faced kid.
Here's a little sneaky thing I used to do to get one over on a certain UK supermarket.
I noticed that tins of sardines look almost identical to the tins of mackerel, but the mackerel is 20p cheaper.
And my family and I much prefer a mackerel.
So, I would cunningly choose one of the... What does he mean?
Yeah.
I would cunningly choose one tin of sardines and four tins of mackerel.
And then, on the conveyor belt, I would cunningly pile the four tins of mackerel on top of the other, one on top of the other, and put the sardines on top.
Yes, so she counts them visually, puts into the till four times, doesn't scan each individual one, is that right?
Exactly.
The cashier would invariably scan the sardines on top of the pile.
Assuming the whole pile of sardines and charged me for five tins of sardines, thereby saving me 80 pence.
Brilliant.
And the best thing was that I, that it wasn't my mistake.
It was the cashiers.
But it backfired once or twice when I'd chosen sardines and they charged me at the mackerel rate.
Damn them!
Criminal a criminal he's a criminal and he must be arrested.
Here's one from Looch Looch in Peterborough It says it's entitled Blockbuster Cup.
Hi guys.
I occasionally take what you're doing my thing reading out there Those are the messages to myself.
I passed you that one.
It's cool.
Carry on Okay, I occasionally take my small person to the video shop to rent a DVD or two.
Let's call the shop Bust blocker.
There we go.
Oh
Should I not go ahead with this?
They sell a pick and mix cup that you're allowed to fill as much as humanly possible, as long as the lid still goes on for a fixed price.
Well, I've found a chink in the armour of this offer.
A full centimetre of height is lost at the bottom of the cup through structural integrity, so I cut the bottom out of a cup
and lowered it and restuck it with tape seeing closed photo i hid this in my bag and then i pull it out when needed i now have room for at least four more mini eggs or a couple of teeth and gums yes that's right in your face bust blocker in your face in your face bust blocker swivel on my oh that doesn't sound a bit rude
You've made this a real minefield for me.
Are you purposely trying to stymie my reading by putting naughty things in that I have to get past?
I was happy with that.
I make sure I get the last sweets in the cup, eating them while thinking of the top brass in head office who are wondering why sweetie stocks don't match up to sales.
I tell you something I do.
If I'm in a cinema and they just give you a cup and you have to pour your own drink, I fill it up and then I take a few swigs and then I pop it under and I top it up.
Those are the tastiest swigs.
Well this is what we were talking about last week with the criminal swigs.
It's the lady who wanders around helping herself to the deli stuff.
You know, you get a deli counter and the... Is it a deli counter?
You just have little tasters.
It's a sort of buffet counter and you help yourself and you spoon it into little plastic tubs.
She's going around there filling up the tubs.
Who is this lady?
Filling a little chomp.
And she's chomping away right round and then she doesn't buy anything.
She wanders off.
She's just having little tasters.
Yeah, it's my mum.
Is it?
Yeah.
My mum wondering around.
It's falling on hard times.
It's not really my mum.
Sorry mum.
Anyway, thank you for all your contributions there to retrotexernation.
We'll have a new texernation pretty much after 11 o'clock, probably at some point.
Yeah, yeah.
Or coming up, you know, sometime in the show.
Right now, I think it's time for... Who's this?
Aeroplane?
Hmm, let me just check my facts.
I'm going to check my facts, find out about this band and tell you some interesting facts.
This is from their album We Can't Fly.
This is Superstar.
That's their strokes and taken for a fool.
Joe's reminding himself not to swear.
No swearing, no swearing.
So I've just been to America, right?
Yes.
Very exciting place full of Americans.
Hey buddy, you got a pistol?
exactly what was happening there.
I was there to work, of course.
No frivolity or fun.
I was there working with Mr Edgar Wright.
We started at 8.30 every morning.
Sure you did.
We did.
We finished at about 8 in the evening.
We had an hour off for lunch.
But I did get Sunday off.
I had one day off.
And I decided to make the most of my day off.
I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain.
The roller coaster park.
Do you like roller coasters?
You like roller coasters, don't you Adam Paxton?
When was the last time you went to a roller coasters park?
Well, when we were at Disneyland over Christmas.
Now, I wouldn't call Disneyland a hardcore roller coaster park.
It's more of a theme park.
Yeah but they've got like a special adult area now that's got some roller coasters on.
Do they?
I mean Disneyland is wonderful.
The American Adventure I think it's called.
But in terms of hardcore coasting Six Flags Magic Mountain is the place.
It's the theme park that featured in National Lampoon's Vacation.
It was renamed Wally World.
That's very exciting.
I love that film.
It was also featured in the film Rollercoaster.
Sure.
Where the man puts the b-b-b-bomb on the rollercoaster.
Timothy Bottoms.
There's a performance from Sparks in that film as well.
Is there?
They play at the opening of the rollercoaster.
Playing Beat Boy from their now deleted album Big Beat.
At the climax of the film.
Is that?
Yeah, sometime around the climax.
I think that's made in about 78 or something rollercoaster.
It was made just after the rollercoaster called Revolution.
No, no, 77 it would have been was opened there.
Anyway.
We went rollercoaster crazy.
Sure.
It wasn't too busy so we didn't have to queue that much and it has the most incredible lineup of hardcore coasters.
Is it still, because it used to be like the King, it had Colossus there didn't it?
I'm sure they got Colossus.
But that's not the biggest one still.
Oh no no no no.
So the first thing we did, we paid our money, we drove there, we paid our money.
First of all, we went on Ninja, built in 1988.
55 miles per hour maximum speed.
It's a suspended steel roller coaster.
The ride lasts one minute and 30 seconds.
It was excellent, an excellent preparatif.
55 miles an hour.
55 MPH max speed.
I know, but it was good to get us in there.
I could run faster.
It was good to break us in, OK?
It was exhilarating.
Woo!
Woo!
Yeah.
Like that.
I love you Edgar!
Just the screaming, Edgar didn't come.
It was Oscar, his brother, and my lady friend.
I was great.
It's just fun.
It's like screaming therapy.
You can shout very loudly.
You can also say naughty words very loudly.
No one cares.
Terrific fun.
So after Ninja, we went straight to Apocalypse 2009.
Used to be Terminator 3 themed ride, but that film didn't go very well.
So they've taken the theming away and renamed it.
Yeah, because the end of Terminator 3, everyone just dies, don't they?
Yeah, it's a very good contemporary wooden roller coaster.
50 mph top speed.
It's good, very rattly.
Very shaky.
You like the rattly ones.
Do you remember that one we went on in Blackpool?
Yes.
Years ago, and it was so rattly, I went on there with, it was the last roller coaster my wife ever went on with me.
Really?
And it put her off forever because it just, it seems like you're gonna... Well this is where my story's going.
I rode a ride.
I rode a road.
You done a road ride?
That was too much for me.
Really?
This has never happened before.
Woah!
Too much for cornballs!
It made me fall out of love with the coasters.
So anyway, after Apocalypse we went on Colossus, built in 1978.
Massive old twin wooden roller coaster.
Very, very good.
Two and a half minute ride.
100 foot drops.
62 mph top speed.
Bit better.
Beautiful rumble and sway.
That's what we look for on a wooden coaster, to rumble them this way.
Then straight to Tatsu, built in 2006, that's a face down suspended roller coaster that simulates flying like a super ponce hole.
Face down, I like it.
And you can stretch your arms out like Superman?
You stretch your arms out as if Superman was flying strapped to a seat.
Yes.
That's what you look like.
They've got some of those at all times.
There's a problem with it though.
Well, when you finish the ride, you're strapped into this chair looking downwards, and you know how you stop before you get to the train station?
Yes.
To wait for the other one to leave?
Right.
Well, we stopped and you're facing down, the floor's about a metre away from your face.
You're stopping in a place where every single car has stopped, you know, 50,000 times a day for the last 10 years.
Right, so you're looking at all the poos and wheezes on the track.
Yeah, there's a spittle vomit puddle.
Directly under your face.
And the spittle has mixed with the vomit and it's sort of burned through the paint like alien blood.
And you sit there just looking at it for about four minutes before you're ready to, you know, get into the station.
That slightly took the edge off it.
So that was Tatsu.
Then we went on Goliath, built in 2000.
It's a conventional steel roller coaster, maximum speed 85 MPH.
Three minute ride.
Plummets towards a narrow concrete hole.
85 MPH?
That's quite fast.
It plummets towards a narrow concrete hole.
Narrow concrete hole?
I'm a tall man, I hate that.
Yeah.
It's literally terrifying.
Do you know that?
And you think your head's going to be taken, basically decapitated.
Right.
Because as you rush towards this little hole, it looks much smaller than it really is.
You plummet downwards to a hole.
What happens in the hole?
The train just goes through the hole, down through the hole.
Oh, you don't stop for cakes.
No, you don't stop for cakes.
Hello everyone, anyone want a cake in the hole?
Bye!
Then we went on Viper, built in 1997 loops.
188 feet high.
That's the one that freaked you out.
Are you getting bored?
Is that coming soon?
No, I'm not, but I'm just... Okay, it was wicked.
Viper was wicked.
How fast does Viper go?
Viper goes at 70 mph.
Oh, pathetic.
But here's the one that freaked me out.
The X2, built in 2008.
The world's first fourth dimension roller coaster.
And here's the thing.
It travels through time.
Well, kind of.
I wish.
It's like the cars are on a pivot.
And then each bucket seat you sit on actually rotates round and round.
So you're rotating 360 degrees while you go on this amazing, gut-wrenching, horrible roller coaster.
And if you look at it from a distance, it looks like Arabic writing.
It's crazy.
And then you're spinning round as you go around it.
And it was too much for cornballs.
Did you vomit?
I didn't vomit but the thing I did was when he put the shoulder straps down on me I was breathing in and he really pushed them down quite hard and it constricted my chest and I felt a little snap.
A little thing went sort of...
He's busting a rib!
It felt like, I don't know, it just busts, woah!
And then the thing started.
I couldn't take a breath and it started.
Yeah.
And I just felt, it was like an awful torture.
And every time it went round, and there was quite a strong centrifugal force, I thought, my ribs breaking!
No!
It was horrible.
I closed my eyes and I just prayed for it to be over for two minutes.
It was terrible.
And when I got off, uh, I felt really bad in the ribs two or three days later.
Cornballs and rollercoasters just wasn't pleasant on any level.
It wasn't enjoyable.
It was horrible.
It's like a terrible torture.
The other thing is,
You reach a certain age.
I know that's what I thought.
And it doesn't make any sense anymore.
I thought my bones can't take it anymore.
Yeah, because the last time I went on quite a violent one, my neck, I got a crick in my neck like nobody's business.
Did you?
Afterwards I thought I've done myself a proper injury.
But you can go on YouTube and people take point of view films from the front carriage of these things.
So if you're curious, check out a film of X2 at Magic Mountain.
It's mortifying.
Right.
Terrifying.
Gonna have a look at that.
It's one pivot too many.
yeah cornball says no cornball says no that's enough that is enough there's enough fun wow amazing let's have some music right now uh lickie lee do you like a lickie lee i love to lickie lee
Let's get some.
Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
Nice to have you along.
Now we encouraged people to send us in egg corns a long time ago and then we sort of stopped doing it for a while.
They just dried up the egg corns.
but here's a couple that trickled through that amused me.
Here's one from Jonathan Hughes.
He says, hi guys, your mentions of egg corns, because we did mention it a couple of weeks back, reminded me of a work colleague's superb comment a few months ago.
Three of us were in a meeting and towards the end, the third left the room.
I suddenly realised there was something else I needed to remind her, so called for her to come back, but the door had closed behind her and she didn't hear me.
This prompted my colleague to say, talk about the pot trying to call the kettle back.
I had to excuse myself and go to the toilet to laugh.
From Jonathan Hughes there.
That's a good one, isn't it?
Wow.
He's got through his whole life.
The pot calling the kettle back.
Yeah.
Yeah, because they tend to separate a lot.
Exactly.
I mean, how... He presumably has never had a chance to use that particular expression before in his life.
It's a problem, isn't it?
You just don't think that through.
That's the same with me when I mispronounce names or words that I've read but never actually properly read.
Skim read my whole life.
Yes, exactly.
I know, I do that all the time.
I mean, everyone does.
You mispronounce things catastrophically.
What was the one I used the other day?
It was her suit.
Her stute.
Her stute.
Yeah, so that's genuinely a word I've read.
Right.
And read in my head and said in my head wrongly.
Popped an extra T in there.
Yeah, for I think my entire life.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow, I thought that you... Because I've never said it out loud.
I don't think I've ever said it out loud before.
Herstute.
Herstute, I thought it was like astute.
I thought it was a slip of the tongue when you said it back then.
I thought it was like a hairy suit.
Here's another one from Andy McAleer.
He's a mailman.
He says, dear Dr. Buckles and Dr. Sexy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Wanted to pass on a couple of eggcorns.
My wife growing up believed that the bits at the top of her arms were called her soldiers.
And that in December, she'd get a visit from Farmer Christmas.
No.
Her parents believed she was only a child at this point.
Her parents thought that this was cute and they didn't correct her until it became embarrassingly obvious when she reached school age.
Also, we had a message from a customer service person recently that may have been rubbish spelling but it struck me as being an eggcorn.
She referred to making a jester of goodwill.
That's a strange laugh.
Which conjured up images of clowns doing nice deeds for people.
I like soldiers.
Yeah.
Pop it over your soldier.
yeah put the scarf on your soldiers there you go the soldiers like it that's a gesture of goodwill oh look at that it's just a gesture of goodwill okay here's a little free play for you right now you know feel free to share any more eggcorns if you wish incidentally the address for any kind of communication is adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk that's for email and you should always communicate with email if you're listening to this show throughout the week either on podcast or listen again form
And there's always the text number if you're listening live.
64046.
Right now here's a pre-play.
This is Yellow Magic Orchestra.
You know, the guy Ruichi Sakamoto.
He's in Yellow Magic Orchestra, I think, isn't he?
And this is a track called Computer Games.
It's actually called Firecracker.
Why did you say it was called Computer Games?
Well, because it was... it's commonly... I wish it was called Computer Games.
It's come to be known as Computer Games because it was sort of a misprint on one of the releases on the album.
You've got paper shuffling going on.
Yeah, because I made a note of... Who do you think you are, mate?
Moira Stewart or something?
Johnny Paper Shuffles.
Here we go.
Yeah, but this is from a European pressing of the album, Multiples, released in 1990.
Um... Yellow Magic Orchestra, it's called Firecracker.
Don't sweat the technique, mate.
Oh, sorry, mate.
I already did.
You got it all over the technique now.
It's all slippery.
It's all sweaty technique.
It's embarrassing.
My technique stinks.
That's Eric B. and Rakeem with Don't Sweat the Technique.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.
It's just coming up to 21 minutes and a half past 11.
Ooh, that's slick.
Let's have the jingle, James.
Traveling Tales, Traveling Tales Tales of traveling on the train Or an automobile or an aeroplane I wanna know what you're traveling tales All aboard the Skyler!
What a jingle.
It's loud.
It's invigorating.
We're going to have this part of Traveling Tales, we might come back later in the show for more Traveling Tales, some anecdotal Traveling Tales, but right now we're going to concentrate on conductors, attendants, announcers, whatever you want to call them, on trains and other modes of transport.
Actually it's mainly trains this week.
A few messages from people reminding us that one very celebrated and successful train driver was Red Pepper.
The man, the voice of the trailers, who does all the, you know, coming up Men in Black 2.
That was a good trailer.
He's famous, yeah.
That's why he's Red Pepper and you're Adam Buxton.
Coming up Men in Black 2.
No thanks, we won't need you Mr. Buxton.
Sure, I can do it, I can do another one!
Coming up later, Men in Black 2.
We used to do that when we were teenagers.
Right.
Didn't we?
Yeah.
Try and do the buttchest voice you possibly can.
Men in Black 2.
It's horrible.
That's like a frog vomiting on himself.
You sit down and sit in one and you get this... That's good.
That's macho.
That's tough.
That sounds like Yoda with a coal taking a poo.
People are like, ooh, what's this film?
It's very serious.
Yoda with a coal taking a poo like Sid.
It's got to be good.
I get more work than red pepper.
Red Pooper, that's good man.
Wow, Yoda with a cold tin of poo, he's gotta come back.
Did it forever!
It seems pointless to continue, but we are going to.
Now, here's a message, though, from Scott Warsfold.
He's from Maidenhead, a long-time Slack Squadron member.
They're actually called Podcats now.
We've decided that the people... Really?
Did that happen while I was away?
Yeah, that was a decision we made.
What does that mean, Podcats?
Someone complained about being called Slack Squadron if they were just podcast only, because it's very demeaning.
So we decided that we'd go with podcast nice, so they have a little bit of cool Yeah, whilst being sort of nice good Jazzy bit a little bit crap Yeah, okay, okay, he says yeah, all right, whatever you're thinking I Like the idea of a jazz soloist he's a little bit crap
there's so many of them yeah anyway let's push on okay further to your travel entails mini section on amusing train drivers and conductors a mention should surely go to the relentlessly cheerful irish lady tube driver who works the bakerloo line in london some mornings she always comes on the tannoy herself to update passengers telling us
we have a lovely tube service on all lines the rare tie the rare time that that happens when pulling into a stop she very politely tells us you all did very well they're letting people on thank you and well done which raises a chuckle around the carriage every time
Recently, she went into a good-natured rant about the lifts at the station, adding, oh, they only put them in a few years ago.
You wouldn't believe they've taken them out again now.
And on Tuesday, I heard her do a weekend radio show-style birthday shout-out to a passenger that she had been told would be on the line that morning.
She always brightens up my rubbish tube journeys into work.
And Scott has managed to record her in action.
Here she is.
The train is quite crowded, so if there's anyone standing near doors, if you wouldn't mind just stepping onto the platform to let the other customers exit the train.
I'd appreciate it.
And I guarantee you'll get back on this train before they keep their strong eye on you.
Right.
Just reach into the path.
Thank you.
Clear the doors, please find the closing doors.
That was wonderful.
That's nice, isn't it?
Yeah.
Come on, we're all part of a team on this train.
Yes, she's giving the whole experience of personality, she's humanising it.
Exactly.
And that's very important.
Sometimes you don't want a personality from the conductor?
Would you think that kind of thing annoys some people?
I can imagine some people being quite annoyed if they're trying to read a book or something.
Not from her, you'd have to be very crusty.
Not from her, there'd be some people.
I'm sure there's always some people, aren't there?
There's always one, isn't there?
And a few weeks ago we played the SNCF jingle, the platform announcement jingle that you get in France.
Let's have a quick reminder of that one.
We played a bit of techno that someone had created around us.
Something very sexy about that.
Something very unsexy about that.
I can't do the Yoda voice.
Um, but yeah, you know, French ladies singing, that is a sexy game.
Well it's the fact that it's a sort of, it sounds like a lady robot.
And there's nothing more exciting than a lady robot.
Except a French lady robot.
A French lady robot.
What's French for robot?
A robot.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Thanks, that's answered the question.
What next?
Well, I thought that I would try and come up with something equally sexy, like a British version of a platform announcement.
Because we don't really have any jingles.
It's really bing, bing, bong.
Well, they used to have, when it was British Rail, it would go brr, brr.
This is the age of the train.
Did it really?
Yeah.
Do you remember on those adverts?
And you very much associated those brr, brr.
Oh, I didn't do it so well that time.
But yeah, there used to be a sort of two-note thing.
But of course, when the British Rail was broken up, there's no unity anymore.
You can't.
You can't.
uh yeah sorry i forgot what i was saying well here's what i've come up with i think it would be a good one if anyone from the train companies is listening here's one from one of your customers uh enjoy this
yeah and then they do the announcement yeah that's good that's very eye-catching ear catching ear catching yeah let's hear it again please it's a bit coarse yeah but it's british that's true it's a coarse place yeah exactly yeah courses for courses that's good stuff well done thank you very much i wonder whether any train companies will adopt that do the other voice again before we
What are we gonna play?
TV on the radio.
Radio on the TV?
No, you gotta do the trailer one.
Oh.
I don't know how you'd feel about that though if he unveiled the song and it was called I've written you a song it's called you're the one for me fatty thanks very much thanks very much Morrissey that's Morrissey there and this is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music don't forget Morrissey fans that we here at six music are repeating Morrissey wait wait wait
We've had an email.
What are the chances that Red Pepper would be listening to your show, fellas?
Well, I am.
Laugh out loud.
Great stuff.
Although you, Adam or Joe, not sure who did it, need a little work on your trailer voice.
I'm smiling ear to ear.
He's left his phone number.
Bell me.
We can have some fun live if you wish.
I'm out of here in 20 minutes.
Thanks, Red.
Wow.
OK, well, listen, Red, sit tight.
We'll phone you up while the next song is playing and get you to do some... Sit tight.
Everything will be in a minute.
He feels threatened by that.
Sure he does.
That's why he's writing in.
Yeah, he's thinking, flippin' heck, Tucker, that's my livelihood that's just been swallowed up by Yoda.
There's a competitor on the block.
Anyway, I was saying, Morrissey, tomorrow, midday, between Keris and Huey's show, he's gonna be doing his Desert Island discs.
We're repeating that show originally broadcast on Radio 4.
He's got some good stuff in there.
A bit of Nico.
Klaus Nomi.
You don't hear that on Radio 4 very often.
Velvet Underground, Ramones, Marianne Faithfull.
All tomorrow at midday.
But right now...
I've completely forgotten what we're doing.
Text the nation.
Oh yeah, text the nation.
Let's have a jingle.
Text the nation.
Text, text, text.
Text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text.
Yeah, so Text-A-Nation this week, and I've had this bubbling around my brainium for a while now, I like to call it time murder.
Yes.
Because it's times when you are killing time, but you're not only killing it, you are absolutely... And that makes it exciting because murder and killing are exciting.
It's fun.
It's a lot of fun.
Obviously it's not fun.
It's when they're in a fictional environment.
Yeah.
I done a murder because I was listening to Adam and Joe.
They said it was fun and exciting.
So I had to go out and do a murder.
So that's not what we want to hear fictional world pretending land.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Right.
So don't literally murder the time we got out of that one man.
So here's a message that someone sent in a while back will in London.
He's a mailman He says I was just about to go to sleep last night when I had an irresistible urge to pick up my popular brand of smartphone I'd already checked my emails and all the newspaper apps and my Facebook page But I still had an urge to check something so I checked how the tubes were running in
even though i was going to bed i thought my wife was asleep but she saw me i was holding the smart smartphone next to my face why would you check how the tubes were running just for peace of mind no just to do something on his flipping phone before he went to bed i gotta do one more thing on my smartphone and i can go to sleep i've done everything i need to do
I know, I check the tubes runnin'!
I do the same thing sometimes with the weather.
That's Rumpelstiltskin.
Yes, exactly.
Checking the tubes.
Ahh!
The weather!
Erm... Yeah, the tubes are runnin' normally!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Wait a second, there's a band service on the Bakerloo line.
But it's okay, because there's a nice Irish lady there!
Ha ha ha ha!
Pathetically he says I was illuminating my face with the eye with the smartphone next with a tiny blue glow my finger moving slowly down to make sure I looked at all the tube lines my wife asked what I could possibly be up to so late at night I wouldn't say so she grabbed the phone off me and then laughed out loud at how pathetic I was however when I argued that she was just as bad because she's a big Facebook addict
She conceded that sometimes at work she sits in front of Google wondering what to put in.
She's already put in all our friends' names so she started putting in things like the weather in Birmingham.
We live in London and don't regularly visit Birmingham.
I think for Texanation you should do ways to pass the time that you are least proud of.
Other smartphones and websites are available.
The Google thing is true.
I mean this is a slightly different thing but it's the equivalent of watching telly and having scrolled through all the channels and you've found nothing so you go back
up the top in case something's changed and it takes you a while to actually sort of register the fact that there's nothing on and you should go and do something else.
The internet equivalent is just staring at a blank Google screen and thinking, what shall I put in the box?
I could go anywhere I want.
Because you get this sort of dazzling, amazing, limitless pool of information.
But where do you start?
I'll start with Joseph Cornish.
That's generally what you do, isn't it?
No, no, no.
It's Joe Cornish.
Okay.
What's the stupid?
Can you remember what the stupidest thing you've ever put into Google?
Well, this is probably a different thing, isn't it?
Yeah.
I mean, we don't want to, but it's time wasting though.
No, I can't, I'd have to think a long time.
I mean, something very, very stupid.
Have you got any standard things that you'd like to do or are you, you do them and you think flipping heck Tucker.
I don't feel good about it.
So is this just, this is very, is this just all any time wasting technique or is this a particular circumstance?
No, any kind of time murdering.
I'll give you some examples of my own.
Things I do when I... I mean, we did Procrastination a while back on the show.
There's a little bit of a crossover here.
That's work avoidance, specifically.
Yeah, but here's some things I do and I just don't feel good about them.
I mean, I read a lot of YouTube comments.
I guess you could say that's partly a work thing because I sometimes read them out when I do bug.
But boy, I read loads and I just read them for fun a lot of the time.
And I don't feel that I can in any way justify that.
I don't think.
It's a total waste of time.
I mean, I've talked about this before on the show, but I go through all my songs on iTunes and I capitalize them all.
Make sure they're all in caps.
I mean, that's slightly OCD.
Because I think it looks nicer.
But it takes ages.
Absolutely ages.
What I do is I create nice labels for box files in my study.
I don't like the labels that they come with.
I think they're ugly.
So I design labels.
I print them out with fun lettering and stuff for my accounts or whatever.
I'll print them out in different colours so they look nice on the shelf.
You've got a lot of time on your hands, mate.
Well, I don't.
That's the thing.
But this is what I'm saying.
I don't feel good about it.
I got into a jag a couple of weeks back of spraying things gold.
I went and got some gold paint.
I was in the hardware shop and I thought, hey, gold paint.
Makes them look more valuable.
Exactly.
So I started... Makes things look classy, mate.
Yeah, I know.
You should do the whole house, mate.
Well, I wanted to, mate, but my wife wrestled the can out of my hand.
What's she thinking?
Smacked me on the head with it.
What sensible woman wouldn't want a solid gold house?
exactly look darling we can have gold lamps by the way what are you doing give it back in my spray gold back gold spray back look darling the children can finally how's the film where someone paints everything white in a film oh it's this boy's life isn't it no one else would care about that part from me
Anyway, I'd like to hear your time wasting tech.
I spent an hour readjusting the straps.
I mean, this wasn't pure time wasting, but my daughter is now a little bit too big for her baby seat in the car, or at least she needs the straps to be adjusted, right?
It took me one hour to figure out how to adjust the straps.
It's not time-wasting.
Well, no, not strictly speaking, but I mean, I could have just... I don't know what else I could have done, but it took an hour and... No, it's not time-wasting, you're right.
No.
Cut that bit out of the podcast, James.
Anyway, so there you go, time murder.
Yeah, send your contributions to That Texts The Nation, subject timemurder 64046, or via email adamandjoe.sixmusic at pbc.cotton.uk.
Now, you've got a free choice here, mate.
I have.
I did some sharp... Is this my free choice?
there we go i did some shopping in america as well and a bit like britain it's los angeles is a bit sad in that all the big record shops have closed not amoeba amoeba hasn't that's the only one left towers gone virgins gone and amoeba is the last bastion of a big sort of 80s style uh pop culture shop and it's amazing that place it's got everything in it
and uh it's lovely to go in there and browse and i bought one or two albums i was trying to look for the new corner shop album they've got a new one out haven't they couldn't find the new one so i got this one this is an album called uh judy sucks a lemon for breakfast that's the album this is a very nice track called the constant springs
Corner shop from the album Judy sucks a lemon for breakfast.
That was a track called the constant springs This is Adam and Joe on BBC six music on Saturday morning we were talking about the famous voiceover artist red pepper just now and We're very excited to say that he happened to be listening to the show and he's phoned us up.
Hey red.
How you doing?
Wow, listen to that.
Are you doing is that especially low voice you're putting on there?
Oh
No, it's my voice.
This is my morning voice and it's my daytime voice and it's my evening voice.
I'm one of these guys who just talk like that all the time, unfortunately.
So, Dr Pepper, you are the most famous voiceover man in the country, I would say.
Would you agree with that?
Dr Pepper loved that one.
Well, I don't know about the most famous.
My voice is recognised all over the place for obvious reasons, but there's lots of other guys do what I do.
Can I ask you a very boring question before we have a little voice off?
Yeah, go on then.
I don't know what channel it was.
Colburn Clangers, remember that?
Yes, and it has a similar, it has a similar kind of, what do you call that?
What's that slide whistle?
A swanee swanee whistle?
That's amazing track.
It's a good track, isn't it?
That's a good album.
Corner Shop Rock Band.
I wanted to ask you, Red, if it is ever a problem for you?
Do trends in voiceovers change for the trailers?
Will your amazing, sonorous tones ever be outdated, do you think?
Are they shifting to a more conversational delivery?
Well, it's one of those things where, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
And if you think down the decades, the male masculine voice, so to speak, has always been an attraction for some reason.
I'm not sure why, but it has been.
And if you think back, Don LaFontaine and before him, there were many others.
who had that masculine sound and everybody seems to go for it.
Because it vibrates things.
Well in the theatre, especially in the cinema, you hear that through the THX system and it's like, wow.
Yeah, everybody loves to be vibrated in their seats, certainly they do.
But listen, Red, would you be threatened if somebody came on the game who had a deeper and sexier voice than you?
I'm talking about me.
I think what we should do... Hey, let Dr Pepper answer the question.
Would you feel threatened by that?
Hell yeah.
I'll tell you what.
Let's have a voice over off.
I'll match you.
Okay, what we're going to do is we're going to say you're listening to Adam and Joe on BBC6 music and we're going to see how low we can go.
Dr Pepper starts, Cornballs goes second, Count Buckley's goes third.
Okay, and then listen.
And we just keep going round and let's see who can get the most bass-y.
Okay, and then after that can we do some Tuffin trailers?
Sure, sure.
Okay, so Dr Pepper, you start first.
So, are you cool with what you're saying?
Yeah, my name's redpeppernotdoctor, probably get out of here.
Go ahead, go right for it, go for it.
Okay, no, I'll start.
Okay, here we go.
You're listening to Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
So that's very butch and low.
Oh, is that butch and low?
Okay, I got you.
I didn't understand a word you said, but hey.
You have to say it now, Red.
You have to say, you're listening to Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
You're listening to Adam and Joe on BBC 6 music.
Go lower.
I thought that was a little girl.
That's just radio style.
That's not from movies.
Go lower, Adam.
Go lower.
I'm going to go way lower than that.
You are listening to Adam and Joe on BBC 6 music.
That sounds like one of the droids.
It sounds like you're talking like that.
Can you go even lower than that, Red?
Yeah, we'll never come over the telephone now.
Try it.
Try it.
Hello?
Hello?
Can you go?
They're very low.
Okay, let's do some Taffin trailers.
Coming up next, Pierce Brosnan is a naughty man in Taffyn.
Now listen Adam, what you fail to realize is Red Pepper, he won't understand what that is.
He doesn't understand what Taffyn is.
Maybe Red did the original- It's an amazing film with Pierce Brosnan and the climax of the film features an immortal bit of line reading from Pierce that goes something like this.
It's one of the greatest films ever made, and I would really appreciate it if you could do a little Taffyn trailer there.
And the film is called Taffyn, starring Pierce Brosnan.
Can you do that, Red?
Taffyn.
Taffyn.
What did you say?
Taffyn.
T-E-A-F-F-I-N.
Taffyn.
Pierce Brosnan and Taffyn out now.
I'm not sure if that was cool, but Taffyn, I've never heard of that one.
That was very cool.
You know sales of Taffyn are going to rocket after that.
Surely.
Hey, Red Pepper, thank you so much for joining us.
You remain the king, obviously.
Our pathetic attempts at being lower than you are futile.
Speak for yourself.
Yeah.
But thank you very much for joining us.
No worries.
Great show, guys.
I'll really enjoy your show.
Hey, we're flattered you listen.
Yeah, thank you.
Have a great weekend.
Cheers, Red.
Thank you, and you guys.
Bye.
Take care.
Right now, here's just for Mr. Red Pepper.
We picked this out specially.
Hope you like a bit of Johnny Symbol.
This is Mr. Bassman.
We're gonna post through the noon barrier.
It's gonna happen soon.
We're gonna leave the morning behind.
Enjoy the afternoon.
Half the day has already disappeared Where does the time go?
I just do not know Let's push to the moon valley
Oh, two seconds early, two seconds early.
I was so excited about having it be on time that we forgot to put the faders up.
That's our new Noon Barrier jingle there.
It's very exciting.
When you say hours, you're very flattering.
I ain't done nothing on that jingle, as per usual.
It's yours.
Well, you listen to it.
Anyway, it's time now to resolve last week's song wars, ladies and gents.
So let's have another jingle, even.
It's time for Song Wars, the war of the songs.
our songs to the listener test, so check it out.
And the prongs in question of course that created the songs are myself and Garth cos Joe was away last week and the theme for Song Wars was toys and games.
Did you get to hear the songs at all Joe?
You were probably away weren't you?
I didn't, no I tried to listen to them in Americas but it said not available in your area.
Ah, let me listen mate.
Oh mate, also they haven't got internet out there do they?
They don't have the internet so there's no way I could have downloaded the podcast and listened to both.
Hello Garth.
Hello.
How you doing?
I'm very well, how are you doing there?
I'm doing good, thanks.
Thanks for doing such a great job of sitting in last week.
Joe, no, you haven't heard it.
No, no, no.
Friends of mine have heard it and they say it was excellent.
Oh, that's good.
Thanks, Joe.
It was a pleasure.
Now Garth, we have obviously got no clue how the voting went.
That was concealed from us.
Just say that the boys are sitting in the kitchen hoping that you've won because they just want to hear Poo Poo Party again.
Well my song, just to remind you listeners, was called Party Pom Pom.
Oh sorry, Party Pom Pom.
That's alright.
Party is accurate as well.
What a pathetic thing to have an argument about.
It wasn't an argument!
Well please, can you make it one?
Yeah, it was called Poop Party Pompom, not Poopoo Party.
Who would call their song Poopoo Party?
How many insulting and rude!
That would be nonsense to call your song Poopoo Party!
Garth, what was your song called?
Uh, Twister.
Twister.
Like it.
And it wasn't about hurricanes, it was about the game.
It was about the game.
So, gentlemen, I've got the envelope here.
It's got a beautiful drawing of the big British castle on it.
Are you ready for me to read the results?
Yeah.
Come on.
Yeah.
Come on.
This is exciting.
Song Wars Result.
Adam's Party Pompom and Garth's Twister.
The winner is...
Adam's Party Pompom with 64%.
Garth's Twister got 36%.
Garth, Garth, Garth, listen, listen, listen.
It doesn't necessarily mean yours was the less good song.
Oh, listen to that.
The children are crying now in the background.
Is that booing or cheering?
Yeah, well they're thrilled because they liked the Party Pompom song.
They've got very deep voices.
It sounds like all your kids are in their mid-30s.
Boo!
Crack it with another beer.
No, I'm sad for myself, but happy for the children.
Don't be sad.
Many, many times the vote's gone the wrong way.
I tried so hard.
Man, your song was amazing.
I loved Twister Garth.
And thank you so much for being on the show last week.
It was great to have you and I hope we'll see you again.
Never again.
Hey to the Jenningses, how you doing team?
I hope you have a wonderful weekend and right now let's play party pom pom for you guys.
my friend Frederick said come round I said yes we can play a bit of Wii we can play DS we can play Super Mario Galaxy 2 but I'll tell you right now that I'm better than you I know this is your house where you live mom and dad I know you want to win and that is very sad cause I got the tricks bro but I got the skill I've been training pretty hard and I'm ready to kill I'm a cold blooded plumber
I'm a nunchuck king When you begin to lose, I begin to sing And here is the thing, the thing that I sing And you feel the thing from the thing that I sing Would you like to come to a party, pom-pom?
Would you like to be my guest?
It's gonna be a boo-boo party, pom-pom A boo-boo party is the best You don't need to bring no presents There ain't gonna be no cake
Just bring the Wii and you better guarantee that you don't make no mistake Are you gonna come to my party, pom-pom?
Are you gonna be my guest?
It's gonna be a poo-poo party, pom-pom, a poo-poo party's the best!
Are you enjoying all the cumulation?
Would you like some more on your daddy's PlayStation?
Hold up a second cause your mommy's coming in Save the level and wait for the speed
Scream, scream, that's not real life, that's just nonsense No wonder all the children now are turning up for this We're in the middle of a party, pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom
Boop boop!
Kermit the Frog in the corner there.
Flippin' heck.
Talk about two scoops of solid insanity.
Party Pompom followed by Battles there.
That's ice cream.
I enjoy Party Pompom very much.
Yeah, that's a sort of new area you're pushing into, that sort of ragga.
bit of dance, dancehall, jungle, high bpm there.
200 bpm.
200 bpm.
Highest ever bpm for a song or song from Buckles.
What did you do that song on?
That's Garageband.
Garageband.
So on Garageband you have to set the bpm before you do the song.
Exactly.
So you committed, you just took a- and sometimes you can go wrong, sometimes you regret the tempo.
Well no no, what I did was I started with a 100 bpm reggae number that I concocted.
And then I thought, this is boring the socks off me, so I just ramped it up.
Double time.
You said double time!
Double time!
Let's go double time!
So that's what happened.
Wow, you were playing with fire.
Sure I was.
Sorry about that, listeners.
Hey, it was funny that Red Pepper thought that you seriously thought his name was Dr. Pepper.
Yeah, that's okay.
He liked it at first, but then it angered him.
Exactly.
My name's Red Pepper, not Dr. Pepper, you idiot hole.
So earlier this week, I wanted to share this with you, Joe.
I put my foot down.
Oh.
And this is not something I do that often.
I don't like to put my foot down.
Conversationally?
Well, I'll tell you what happened.
I was getting a new satellite broadband service installed because we're in M nowhere and we can't get no decent signal.
I've been struggling with like one meg of broadband thing.
It takes me a while.
This is very interesting to me because I've got to do this.
Yeah, I haven't upgraded for years.
Well, the government are paying 100 pounds for a third of a meg.
a third of a meg!
No, I'm lying, but it feels that way.
That's more or less what I'm doing.
I think the government's just invested or allocated some money for East Anglia to actually ramp up the broadband service there, because it has been lagging a little bit.
Anyway, I'm not affected by that at the moment, because I'm not covered by any flipping service as far as I can tell, so I'm getting some satellite action.
But the installation was booked for last Friday morning, and I was due to come up to London in the afternoon, and it was all, like, being specially arranged.
I talked to the guy on the phone, okay, is this going to be fine?
Yes, I'll definitely be there.
He's going to be there early, about 7 a.m.
Yeah, great.
And so I said, listen, let me give you two numbers just in case there's any problems.
I gave him my mobile number, and I said, and this is the house number if I don't answer the mobile phone, right?
Because I'm going to be in bed at that time.
What could be more straightforward and simple?
What could be more straightforward?
So Friday morning comes around.
My wife says, hey, I think I heard a car arriving there.
That might be your guy.
And it's, you know, seven in the morning.
I'm still in bed thinking I really don't want to get up.
But anyway, I sort of got up.
I slightly took my time thinking, well, he can unpack his tools or whatever.
by the time i got out there no one is there and uh it was only about 20 minutes later or something and did he ring the bell well this is the thing i didn't hear anything i heard nothing
So I see that there's a missed call on my mobile.
No message, just a missed call.
So I, assuming that it's the guy, I phone back and it just goes to voicemail.
So I think, well, maybe he's going to get a sandwich or something and he's going to come back.
Doesn't turn up.
So about three hours later, I phone again and this time he answers and says, oh yeah, um, I rang the doorbell.
There was no one there.
I thought, what do you mean I was there?
drives me nuts nuts nuts nuts did you go mentoid well I tried to stop myself and I was quite calm and I said all right okay well can you come back later in the day no I can't come back now I've got other jobs on all right then well when's the oldest could you come back tomorrow
I'm getting really angry now.
And I said, well, listen, I'm a bit irritated because I, you know, made a point of giving you two numbers to call.
You called the mobile, didn't leave a message.
What about calling the house number?
I didn't have the house number.
Really?
Well, why didn't you call the office and get the house?
No one at the office.
You're getting furious.
My blood is boiling right now.
Foots raising.
So I was like, why didn't you?
I was in the house.
He said, well, I rang the bell.
What else could I do?
And I was like, well, you could call the
Here it goes, here we go.
So I didn't get angry, I said, alright then, alright.
Okay, I'm not going to have an argument with you, I'm going to have to call the guy in the office.
Head office, head office.
So I spoke to head office, that's some pretty ropey action from the receptionist there.
And after a while, I managed to establish to her, like, why I was calling, why I was annoyed.
Finally, the guy responsible calls me back, and he says, oh, yes, sorry about that.
I said, I did give you the two numbers, didn't I?
Yeah, I did, yeah.
Well, you know, why didn't you pass on the number to the guy?
Now, you know, I've missed the, missed the appointment.
I've been waiting months for this installation.
Now it's going to, you know, when's it going to be?
When are you going to be able to do it?
threw my pen down in fear.
And he said, uh, yeah, well, not, not until late next week or something cause it's bank holiday Monday.
I don't know when we're going to be able to, I was like, uh, you're going to do it Tuesday.
Oh the foot went down.
Yeah the foot went down.
The foot went down and declared a day.
You ordered a day.
You are going to do it.
And by this time I was absolutely livid.
Yeah.
And he said no no I can't do it.
I said no listen to me.
Listen to me.
You're going to do it Tuesday.
Yes.
All right.
I want you to move things around.
I want you to do it on Tuesday as you promised you would do today.
Okay.
Because it's your fault.
I gave you two numbers.
Did you win?
Did they do it?
So he said
Okay, sir.
Yes, I'll do my best.
I'll move things around.
We'll do it Tuesday for you."
I was like, yes, put the phone down.
I'm the king!
Almost immediately, I felt almost sick with regret for putting my foot down and behaving like a little bit of a toilet because I didn't need it to be installed that quickly.
Like the world's not gonna wait.
I've been waiting months.
A few more days isn't gonna hurt.
You are a monster.
I'm a monster.
You are a monster.
I'm like a hideous monster.
Well done putting your foot down.
You are a monster.
What would you have done though?
Put your foot down.
Oh, I stamped on it and killed it.
Accidentally.
But then if I hadn't said anything, I would have felt like I'm being walked over, like I'm a little spineless worm man.
It's hard to draw the line, isn't it?
It's a better feeling.
Spineless worm man or monster?
Something in between.
Spineless worm monster.
Yeah, but the spineless worm monsters don't get any results.
They've got no broadband.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Everyone walks over them and they've got really... I vote for Put the Foot Down.
Put the Foot... I mean, he should have called the two numbers.
I think you were well within your rights.
You know what, the thing that made me angry was that I didn't feel he was particularly contrite.
Did you get it done?
Or is it this coming Tuesday?
This coming Tuesday.
This coming Tuesday.
So I'm going to meet him, but now I'm worried because I... Well, now you've talked about it on the radio, mate.
Well, I spoke to him again and I said, listen, I really appreciate you moving things around for me, but I'm a little bit worried.
I mean, maybe they might... Well, that's the thing.
That's the solution.
Yeah.
You just give them the idea that you're passive aggressive.
Yeah, yeah, and you can't be trusted.
Okay.
You could fly off the handle at any minute.
Maybe he's gonna install like a bomb System now.
I don't know but I'm gonna listen if you're coming to do the installation and you're listening.
We're gonna have tea We're gonna have cakes.
There's gonna be a little party pom-pom and we're gonna have a wonderful day Don't you dare cross him don't you dare cross me all my foot's gonna go
I like to change the lyrics of songs from time to time To make them refer to things I do
And as far as I'm aware, it isn't a crime I wonder if it's something
It's a fun thing to do, everyone does it, you know, you just customise a little bit of music for what you happen to be doing.
I'll give you an example right now if you want.
Okay, here's one from Katie.
She's a lady from London town.
Howdy, add dum dum dum dum dum and Cornwall.
My friends and I have been doing this one for many years.
I'd actually forgotten it wasn't quite normal.
Whenever we ladies wear a bag with a long strap that goes across the chest, we sing, to the tune of Sade's smooth operator, boob separator, boob separator.
Love, uh, podcast creator.
That's good, that's good, that's good.
I like it when ladies do that with their bags.
Yeah.
I was just thinking how the lyrics could continue on.
Cross the chest and move the boobies, Western boobies.
Yeah, yeah.
Was that how you were thinking?
Yeah, mine was worse than that.
Mine was less broadcastable.
Um, here's one from Linda and James in Woah, King!
Uh, that's how they've spelt it.
W-O-A-H, King.
That's a better way of spelling it.
Hello Dr. Butox and Master Scorn.
My partner and I for years when warning each other about the danger of stepping on an upturned plug have sung to the tune of Uptown Girl by Billy Joel as follows.
Upturned plug, you'll be standing on an upturned
turn plug and we're just going to hurt your feet because the prongs will dig into it the upturn plug and when you're you know
That was at number one for so long, that song.
Do you remember?
My mum loved that.
I bought that single for my mum.
She absolutely loved it.
The whoa, oh, oh, oh bit is particularly useful for expressing your pain when you actually do stand on an upturned plug.
Thank you, bye.
It's one of the most painful injuries that you can have, a domestic injury.
The upturned plug is a killer.
It is a killer and some amazing person's designed a new plug.
I saw it on the internet.
It was an amazing innovative design.
I'll have to look into it next week.
It was amazing.
And no one's picked it up.
Shocking.
Here's one from Lisa.
She's a female woman in Wells Somerset, home of hot fuzz, of course.
Dear Adam and Joe, I can never do any gardening or even look at secateurs without singing secateurs, secateurs.
Let me rock you, let me rock you, let me rock you, secateurs.
Let me rock you, that's all I wanna do.
Secateurs, let me rock you, let me rock you, secateurs.
Let me rock you, cause I feel for you.
To this tune of Chaka Khan.
Yeah, I feel for you by Chaka Khan.
Very good indeed.
Here's one from Tom Jay, who says, hi Adam and Joe, whenever I'm confronted with a certain coffee-based dessert, I sing to the tune of I miss you by everything but the girl.
Tiramisu.
It's a desert mist desert desert desert Tiramisu.
It's a desert mystery.
Yes, I put a lot of work into that.
That's a good one.
Was it worth it?
Yeah, absolutely.
upturn plug.
I've been standing on an upturn plug.
Right now.
Here's one final one.
This is from Maggie.
Hello, Adam and Joe Fess.
What's that?
Joe Fess?
It's alright.
It's alright then.
It's alright.
I used to work in a restaurant and when someone ordered a steak I would find myself singing to the tune of Street Life by Randy Crawford.
Steak knife!
Well it's the only life I know!
Steak knife!
Oh there's none other in the draw!
Steak knife!
it's gonna cut your steak so nice steak knife go and have another steaky slice go to the cutlery cutlery draw cutlery cutlery cutlery cutlery oh i'm very jet lagged i think i'm crashing darling
Is that it for Popropriation?
That's it for Popropriation this week.
That was very good.
Keep those coming in, I do like a bit of Popropriation.
The email is adamandjoe.6music.pbc.co.uk for your Popropriation contributions.
Is it time for a trail now?
Are we going to do the trail and then free play?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
This is a little free play, a little free play and it's very short now.
45 seconds.
I got something to say about this.
I remember on points of view when I was a kid, cause this is about to be the theme to the Rockford files, correct?
Yeah, that's right.
I remember a thing on telly where somebody wrote into the, was it on the BBC?
The Rockford files?
They wrote in and said, I'm disgusted.
I believe there are topless women in the opening credits of the Rockford files.
No.
And I remember, I think it was Russell Hardy or someone doing points of view or something.
I remember them.
I was excited by this.
I thought, what?
I've been looking at topless women without knowing it.
And I remember they played through and they froze a frame that showed a shot of a beach with lots of people sunbathing.
And then they zoomed in on it and they pointed out that the women had brassieres and bikinis on.
And the BBC would not knowingly show topless women at that time of day.
Yeah.
You know what?
I think I saw an advert for shower gel the other day on one of the digital channels and a little nip knot popped out.
What?
I'm not sure.
But I mean, in on the continent where they're more enlightened, the French, it's a whole other conversation.
They got nipples all over the shop.
And they had they had a shower gel advert back in the 90s.
I'm shocked you
said the word that they tried showing for a few weeks and that people are too shocked no they're too they're too strange absolutely eliminated too strange and confusing but i'd be interested to see if the nipknot judgment's been reversed because i love you love them you absolutely can't get enough of them this is max tundra i'll get your bag full max thanks for the compilation that you sent in really enjoyed it and here's the track this is called the rockford files
There you go.
The Rockford Files.
He's spelt it P-H-I-A-L-S.
So it's like a... And who's the artist there?
He's called Max Tundra.
That's terrific.
The guy's name is Ben something or other.
He's signed to Domino, I think.
But he's sent in, he listens to the show and he's sent in a... That's awesome.
...compilation of his stuff.
So thanks a lot, man.
You turn me on to your oeuvre.
Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.
Here's the Klaxons right now.
This is Golden Scans.
The Kinks with Waterloo Sunset, this is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.
Yeah, that's it really.
So what an exciting coincidence.
We've been talking about this film Taffyn starring Pierce Brosnohom.
It was various members of the Dutch Elm Conservatoire comedy group.
Who picked up on that clip?
Yeah and pointed it my way.
But then it happened to be shown on the BBC which was very exciting and I think a lot of listeners to this show had a kind of group view and communicated with each other.
We encouraged people to lean out of the window.
Did you?
Network style?
Exactly, and shout, well maybe you shouldn't be living here!
Did we get any reports of that happening?
A few.
From angry neighbours.
Well we had various bits of correspondence about Taffyn.
Do you want to start this Adam or shall I start this?
No you go ahead.
We had a very nice anonymous email from a lady who works in a film archive.
Dear Doctors Sexy and Buckles, last week I came across an absolute treasure.
The original screenplay from the classic movie Taffyn.
Was Bronnholm's performance ludicrously over the top or just as the director intended?
I believe the attached scan settles the matter.
And so she sends a page from the original screenplay of Taffyn.
And blah, blah, blah, here's the scene.
Taffyn says, what goes on in this town is none of your business.
Charlotte says, as long as I'm living here, it is.
And then Taffyn replies with his classic line that goes a little like this.
Then maybe you shouldn't be living here!
yes there's the line and now it says in the screenplay after that line and this is a stage direction there's a horrible silence taffin didn't mean to go that far but he's too angry to take it back so that's brilliant bronholm's interpreting the stage directions very successfully he didn't he went too far yeah but the stage direction doesn't doesn't say taffin didn't mean to go ludicrously too far
No, much too much much much too far.
I mean, Bronnholm takes things further than other actors do anyway, that's part of his magic.
Sure, he pushes into all kinds of envelopes.
He's pushing the boat all the way out, over the horizon.
Well, people have also been sending in links to their favourite bits of movie dialogue, so we can broaden this.
From movies that aren't Taffyn?
For movies that aren't tapping, apparently there are other well-delivered lines in other films apart from Bronnholm-based films.
It seems unbelievable, but there it is.
Here's a message from Jackson 5000.
Jackson 5000!
He's a male computer man.
And he says, hello there, chaps!
What does that mean?
He owns a computer?
No, he's a robot.
He's a robot, okay.
Yeah, he's a sort of spambot.
Great as the Taffin clip is, says Jackson 5000, I think I may have found a better one.
Taken from the film Trolls 2, or as the Americans would have it, Trolls 2.
Admittedly, it has a fair few hits on this YouTube clip.
Now this is very famous.
So I can't take the real credit for discovering it, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it if you haven't heard it before.
I hadn't heard it before, I saw the- I haven't seen Trolls 2.
Oh, it's extraordinary.
I mean, there's a whole thing about Troll 2.
There's- there's a- but yeah, play the clip.
Well, this is from the film Troll 2 1990 directed by Claudio Fragasso, and here is a chap who is commenting on the fact that the trolls in question are eating a- like the remains of a woman, but it's just green sludge in the actual clip, and this guy is watching and this is what he says.
They're eating her!
And then they're going to eat me!
Oh my god!
That is a good extension of my God.
That's good.
I mean, you've opened a tin of worms.
I mean, Troll 2 is an amazing thing.
Do people have big Troll 2 parties and stuff?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there's a terrific documentary called Best Worst Movie that I don't think is available in the UK, but if you're into that kind of thing, you can order it.
It's really good.
And it's made by the guy that was a child actor in it, who's now an adult, and is trying to figure out what the hell happened to him as a kid.
And it's a brilliant documentary.
He goes and reunites the cast.
And he brings the director back.
What's the documentary called?
It's called Best Worst Movie.
I really, really recommend it.
And he's a really good guy, the guy that made it.
I annoyingly forget his name, but he's grown up in some really clever chap.
Maybe someone can email in and tell us.
That sounds great.
I'll check it out.
Here's another clip, though, that a few people...
Told us about and I'm so sorry that I can't read out your name because there's been a snafu in my filing But you can let us know if you'd like some credit, but it's from the film tough guys Don't dance from 1987 Have you seen that rings a bell Ryan O'Neill and Isabella Rossellini directed by Norman Mailer nice.
Oh
Here's a little synopsis from IMDB.
Writer, ex-con and 40-something bottle baby Tim Madden, who is prone to blackouts, awakens from a two-week bender to discover a pool of blood in his car, a blonde woman's severed head in his marijuana stash, and the new Provincetown police chief, Captain Luther Regency, shacked up with his former girlfriend, Madeline.
You've got to see that film, surely.
Tough Guys Don't Dance.
And here is Ryan O'Neill on a beach reading out a letter from Isabella Rossellini's character.
So the first character you hear is Rossellini delivering some shocking news, then you hear Ryan O'Neill's reaction to the shocking news.
My husband is having an affair with your wife.
I don't think we should talk about it.
Kill them.
Oh, man!
Oh, God!
Oh, man!
Oh, God!
Oh, man!
Oh, God!
Oh, man!
Oh, God!
Yeah, wow.
Good effort, O'Neill.
That's a good effort.
And the camera's spinning around him while he's saying it on the beach.
I bet it is.
I bet it is.
Oh man, oh God, oh man, oh God!
Because Norman Mailer surely is thinking like, this is good, obviously it's, I don't want you to do it too naturalistically, Ryan, because I'm trying to get the audience to think about the nature of man and God as you're saying it.
So it's like a colloquialism to say man, but then suddenly they'll be thinking about man and God if you say it like that.
Do we know the tone of the film?
Are we sure it's not a comedy?
IMDB lists it as a sort of black comedy, but it's not supposed to be.
I think it's supposed to be serious.
Do you think?
Yeah.
I don't think it's a comedy.
I mean, I'm happy to be... Quite a successful writer, Norman Mailer.
Yeah.
Do you think he'd make a boo-boo of that size?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
Ryan O'Neill, quite a well-known actor.
And do you reckon that scene was played for laughs?
I don't know.
Was someone more knowledgeable?
The music as well, everything's really going for it though, isn't it?
I don't know.
I don't think it's like an airplane.
That wasn't Norman Mailer's thing, was it?
To do like goofy, knockabout films?
I don't know.
Is that a good contribution to the conversation?
I'm going to find out.
I ordered it from Amazon.
Did you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'm going to watch it this weekend.
I'll report back to you next weekend.
Let's have some music.
We still got flipping textination to cover.
Quick, quick with the music then.
This is Sleigh Bells by Reel Reel.
Tiny bit of admin.
Do you want to make a little correction there?
Yeah, I'll do my correction.
Go on.
Yeah, that was, that was, um, it's gone now.
Oh, there it is.
That was the band is sleigh bells.
The track is real, real.
Okay.
I'm sorry about that.
It's tough.
It's tough.
Adam has a very troublingly laid out screen that he has to figure out what the name of the track is.
Um, you know, also I'm a bit thick and there is that I find it very difficult to read.
That's kind of insane sounding music is getting more insane, isn't it?
Generally we've got battles and that also I'm pretty much convinced now that the Norman Mailer thing is, was a comedy.
Sure, we'll check it out.
We'll check it out.
Listen, also, thank you to Hobbsy, who's told us that the director of Best Worst Movie, the excellent sort of investigation of the film Troll 2, is Michael Stevenson, and he's a very nice chap.
I met him once.
And then somebody else sent us the plug design, which is, we were talking about the clever plug design.
I don't know what I can tell you about that, but you search for it.
It's a foldy plug.
It's a foldy plug, and it looks like it's a British design, and it's very clever.
I don't know why they don't introduce it.
Yeah, so basically the bottom two prongs in the triangle... They pivot, they rotate, so the whole plug is actually flat.
It's very clever.
Very clever.
Um, is it now time to do some textination?
Yeah, come on then.
Textination, text, text, text, textination.
What if I don't want to?
Textination.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
So the subject of Text the Nation this week, listeners, is time murder.
Ridiculous things you do just to kill time, right?
Yeah, exactly.
So here's one from Dylan McMillan.
Would a Dylan McMillan be a lady or a man?
Spelt D-Y-L-A-N, a man.
I would say a man, that's a great name.
Dylan McMillan.
Dylan McMillan, the sexy, sexy man.
He's coming to your town, he's got a sexy plan.
Dylan McMillan.
That's slightly upsetting.
You should call the police.
I can't normally afford to waste time because my life is busy busy busy but I was at a loose end recently so I did an internet search for hiring a Lionel Richie look-alike.
I don't think I'd ever have an occasion in my life to need the services of a Lionel alike and I wasn't too impressed with them anyway.
What a waste of 10 minutes.
I love the show.
Dylan McMillan.
Not Lionel Richie, but a lookalike.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
This is from Lea.
Lea.
Lea.
Lea.
Princess Lea.
From East London.
Yesterday afternoon, I used Google Earth to examine the route taken by James Bond in the Thames River Chase at the start of The World Is Not Enough to see if it was realistic that he could have driven his speedboat overland through the Docklands to cut off the bad guys at the Millennium Dome.
It was hit and miss.
I wouldn't have risked it.
Lay it.
East London.
That is a waste of time.
Well done.
Very good.
Kevin, who's a man, emails the following.
As you introduce this week's Text the Nation, I just finished my most compulsive time drain.
Mindlessly clicking on the BBC news website.
Sorry.
Mindlessly clicking on BBC news website stories without even reading them.
Then I moved on to my second, editing the personal dictionary on my phone to remove misspelled words and editing words which have a capital letter yet aren't proper nouns.
Oh man, I do that as well.
When things get reformatted somehow, when you import them into a word document or whatever from an email.
That can be a lot of fun.
I have to go through, I have to make sure, like as I go along I can't bear to see all the different types of fonts on there.
I have to go through, select all, make sure they're all in the right font, right size.
Very important.
Here's one from Kate Bird, Jess.
Katie B from Guildford.
Hi team, I've sometimes, I've, I've, oh you've, Kate, you've, you've got the punctuation wrong.
Hi team, I've sometimes time waste.
See, when you send us emails like that, it's purposely trying to trip me up.
That is nonsense.
Nonsense.
Nonsense.
That'll teach her.
Okay.
Hi team.
I sometimes time waste by taking down all my books, then reordering them into order of preference.
Then subcategorising them alphabetically.
So that's not just colour coded, it's not alphabetical, it's not by publisher or by spine colour.
Order of preference.
That would be good if you had like a subjective library.
The books are all organised by goodness.
That's what she's got.
Yeah.
I mean that's tough.
It's hard enough when someone asks you what your favourite film is or something.
But to categorise everything you own in order of relative quality.
I organise my books by filth.
Do you?
The ones with the longest filth pathogeth.
Pathogeth.
Here's one from Ali in Glasgow.
Hi Adam and Joe.
When I've run out of tweets to read on my main timeline, I go back and read my own, sometimes scrolling back as far as six or seven months.
I'm not proud of this and I'm not claiming they're particularly re-readable, but I get entranced by the smooth scrolling motion on my smartphone and I just can't stop.
Sometimes I just sit there and I click update on my YouTube channel to see if anyone else has left me comments.
I might do it for about 10 minutes.
Click.
No, no one has.
Here's a good one from Lorne in Birmingham.
This is the climax to the segment because this is just crazy.
I murder time by setting virtual tasks for myself.
For instance, boiling an egg.
I don't actually boil an egg, but instead I just go through the process of boiling an egg in my mind in real time while watching the clock for accurate timing.
What the... Lorne.
I mean, why not boil a tasty egg?
You're doing everything but the egg.
And you're missing out on a delicious egg.
Lipping heck, Tucker.
You are the winner of the Nuttiest Person in the World competition.
Who was that?
What was the name of the person?
Lorne.
Lorne.
Lorne.
I think Lorne is beautiful and special and unique.
Certainly special.
So keep those coming in.
Don't forget there'll be retrotext-the-nation in next week's live show and you can email your contributions to that theme to adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
We'll be back with you for one more little stinky-linky before that.
Here's Sly and the Family Stone.
I want to take you higher!
I want to take you higher!
That's Sly and the Family Stone.
Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music and that is pretty much it for our show this week, ladies and gentlemen.
Now I just want to stop a little avalanche that is beginning to occur with people sending us in suggestions for movies that are so bad they're good kind of thing.
Sorry, that was my fault talking about Troll 2.
That's alright, we don't want to get angry with anybody.
I'm not angry!
No no no, but we know about, we know about The Room, we know about Birdemic, we know about Shark Attack.
We're looking for films that actually think they're good that go a bit wrong.
It's my fault I skewed the whole thing by mentioning Troll.
The thing is I don't get out very much.
Generally I watch films that are so good they're good.
Troll's a good example of something that was, that was, that's a good one.
You know, that was actually made sincerely.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
We the jury is out on tough guys don't dance anyway.
Thanks for listening folks really appreciated it and Hope you enjoyed the show stay tuned for Liz Kershaw.
She's got Gomez on the show I don't know if they're actually live in the building But they're gonna be talking to Liz in a few minutes here on BBC six music or at least in her show Don't forget the podcast which will be available after 6 p.m.. This evening.
Thanks to our hard-working producer James He's gonna cut this show together and turn it into a piece of gleaming genius With some extra nuggets from us that we're just about to go and record
But yeah, take care.
Have a wonderful week.
Do we need to say anything else, James?
That's it, isn't it?
Thanks for listening, everybody.
We'll be back at the same time next week.
Take care.
I love you.
Bye!
Bye.