tomorrow morning from 7 bright and early, Black Squadron 10.
Are you gonna come in?
No, no.
Adam's saying, I said, no, I'm not coming in, all right?
You only get Adam on the Adam and Jo show, all right?
All right, how comes Adam?
How you doing, man?
I'm very well, Adam.
How's your week been?
It's been all right, tiring.
Are you expecting a baby?
Yes.
Did you not know that?
I didn't know that.
Congratulations.
Thank you very much.
I've got to knit you something.
Yeah.
I was a bit worried when you were saying, may your needles never go blind.
I thought it was a Pete Doherty thing.
Very good.
Very good.
So listen, Adam, are you ready for this morning's show?
Yes.
All right.
So it'll be Adam and Joe time, literally at the end of this record, Monkey Gone to Heaven by the Pixies.
Have yourself a great weekend.
Welcome to the big British castle.
It's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio.
and random talking in between and then eventually the whole thing will just end.
Black Squadron!
Always catch the beginning of the show.
Black Squadron don't wanna miss a thing.
That's not the right Black Squadron role.
Black Squadron!
Went to bed at a reasonable hour.
Gonna be sharp on Saturday morning.
That's the secret of the squadron.
Hey, good morning, Black Squadron.
You are the elite listening force that catch the Adam and Jo program, which is this, on 6 Music, live for the first half hour, 9am to 9.30.
Black Squadron came into being because we were impressed by the fact that there were people out there who actually listened live, you know, rather than just on the podcast or listen again.
But some people aren't happy about Black Squadron.
Here's an email from Bernie Regan.
Did you read this one in the week, Joe?
Probably.
I read them all.
He says, hello chaps.
Love the show.
Happy, happy, happy.
That's three happy's.
That's very happy.
Triple happy with almost everything you do, almost.
However, I wanted to ask about this whole Black Squadron thing.
I like to listen to the show from the start, but I don't want to have anything to do with Black Squadron.
I don't like being told to do things.
I think it's all a bit silly.
And I'm usually in bed and in no position to do much anyway.
about that do you want me to not listen until 9 30 a.m.
I'd rather not because radio for my other station of choice at that time of day is broadcasting perhaps one of the most annoying pieces of radio ever produced I don't know what that might be what could that be James we better find out what that is anyway that's just Bernie's opinion
And then he continues, or can I can I be given some form of special dispensation?
Or is the or is it best that I just don't mention it and hope no one notices?
Well, it's appreciated Bernie Regan He's he's implying there's some sort of forced conscription going on.
There's no conscription
No, it's entirely voluntary.
You know, you won't find yourself in any way court-martialed or... What do they do to people who would refuse to sign up?
Well, they put them in prison.
Would they?
In prison them?
Yeah.
Well, there won't be any of that for him.
No.
Or will there?
Or will there?
I think in the past we have threatened people, haven't we?
Probably.
Or what's the guy's name?
Bernie Regan.
Is the entire Black Squadron outside Bernie's house?
Bernie, go to your window slowly.
Very slowly.
Draw back the curtains.
If you can see people with eggs in their mouths, bread in their pockets and black squadron written across their foreheads, you're in terrible trouble, Bernie.
Here's some music right now.
This is Junior Mervyn with Police and Thieves.
That was Junior Mervyn with Police and Thieves.
Incidentally, we kicked the show off with Alabama Three.
Woke up this morning, also known as the theme tune from the Sopranos.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
It's a great pleasure to be with you this Saturday morning.
We haven't issued our command.
No, because we don't have one yet.
We're still trying to decide between various commands.
What if we do more than one command?
Really?
That's confusing.
And people could choose which command they do.
Yeah.
Well, isn't that going to confuse some of the denser members of Black Squadron?
What are you saying?
Just that some of them are thick.
A little bit.
You were saying some of our listeners are thick.
Some of the ones that put eggs in their mouths.
Hey.
They sent photos.
We asked them to.
That thick.
Listen, I'm joking, Black Squadron.
I don't want to antagonise you.
Everyone out there will be thinking, is he talking about me?
No, he's talking about someone.
Maybe he is talking about me.
He's talking about Johnny Eggmouth.
I think they're some of the most sophisticated people in Britain.
Of course they are.
It was a little joke between me and the squadron.
Right guys?
Right?
So what are you thinking?
The squadron are stepping away from you, looking slightly belligerent and nervous.
You wait.
I've got some stories that'll make the squadron hate you.
Well listen, you've got a free play coming up, so if you want to contextualise your free play, then we can give them the command just before the record.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, this is a slightly rambly thing in that it's a story joke.
It's a story about music.
What the record is, or you're going to tell us a story.
I'm going to tell you a story about music, but the context of this story is that last week we were talking about bad grammar in pop, and that is a can of worms I kind of wish we'd never open.
I know what you mean because you can... Yeah, we're being a bit pedantic maybe.
Just for fun.
We were being pedantic for fun about bad grammar and pop, right?
But of course it would be wrong to apply strict grammatical rules to an area of creativity that should be freeform.
Exactly.
You know it's fun to have fun with words.
I guess we were focusing on things that were just annoying, that stuck in your craw rather than...
getting all the interest on your ass.
Exactly.
And you know, goodness knows we make enough mistakes ourselves.
And we were corrected on a number of those mistakes by our listeners, as is quite right.
We'll read out some comments that a listener sent about our Bowie mistakes a bit later on in the show.
But one of the things we talked about, one of the comments we read out from Mr. Summerscales, I think his name was Owen Summerscales, he sent a big long email about bad grammar in songs and he was annoyed by the word pompatus in the Steve Miller song, The Joker, when he talks about calling himself Maurice and saying that he speaks of the pompatus of love.
And then we got a whole load of emails in from listeners saying, he's not saying pompatus, he's saying the properties of love.
So, because we believe almost everything that anyone tells us, we immediately apologized and said, oh yeah, sorry, he's not talking about pompatus, it's properties.
Anyway, here is a message from Tony Reed in Aberdeen, and he's got the whole story for you, right?
Hello again, Adam and Joe, presumably he's emailed us before.
You read out an email from a Canadian listener who suggested that Steve Miller had made up a word in his 1973 song, The Joker, pompatus, some other listeners texted in to correct this, saying it was properties.
Well, I'd just like to say those listeners are idiot holes.
The lyric is most definitely pompatus, and as far as Mr Miller is concerned, it is a made-up word.
He's been quoted as saying, it doesn't mean anything, it's just jive talk.
Typical, Steve Miller.
However, quite interestingly, there's a bit of history behind the word.
Steve Miller had previously written a song in 1972 called Enter Maurice, which contained the lyric, my dearest darling, come closer to Maurice, so I can whisper sweet words of epismatology in your ear and speak to you of the pompatus of love.
This is what is being referred to in The Joker, and that's why people call him Maurice.
There's even a film called The Pompetous of Love by John Cryer, the actor, right?
Really?
Who was Ducky in, what's it called, Pretty in Pink?
Pretty in Pink.
I think it's the same John Cryer.
Now we're going to find out.
That's another mistake and get corrected on that.
However,
A lot of research has gone into the word, pompatus, and the origins can be traced back to a musician and songwriter called Vernon Green from a do-what band called the Medallions, in a song that Green wrote as a 14-year-old boy called The Letter.
We've got a clip of that right now.
Play that, James.
Let me whisper sweet words of his mentality and discuss the pompatus of love and put them together and what have you had.
So there you go, that's from the song The Letter by Vernon Green and the Medallions.
Oh my darling, let me whisper sweet words of pismetality.
Of what?
Pismetality.
All right.
Made up word.
And discuss the puppetoots of love.
Both words were made up by Green.
The puppetoots.
The puppetoots, says Tony Reed.
Both words were made up, you see.
Pismetality, he says, describes the words
of such secrecy they can only be spoken by the one you love.
And puppeteats is a term he coined to mean, and check this out for weird, a paper doll fantasy figure who would be his everything and bear his children.
I mean, everyone's got one of those, right?
Everyone, yeah.
Everyone has a paper doll fantasy figure.
They do.
Who would be their everything and bear their children.
That's the bit that gets away.
They were flat children, like flat Stanley.
Right.
I mean, she could bear paper children.
I mean, if it was a difficult birth, though, you would be... Be what?
Aww, let me go into it.
Anyway, Tony Reed.
So you see, that's where the word pompatus comes from.
It was a little adaptation of puppeteats from the letter.
That's a good story, isn't it, Joe?
What a story.
At the beginning of that story, I was interested and excited.
In the middle, I started to go woozy.
And towards the end, I was just thinking about something else.
Something completely different.
last night, what I did last night.
But I like the funny words and the paper lady, that bit was fun.
Those are the things that will stay with me.
Well, it's a very, very long winded way of saying A, thank you very much Tony Reed from Aberdeen for your letter and B,
We were right in the first place!
Yes!
We should just have more self-confidence, less self-doubt.
And it proves that we're not the kind of show that just looks stuff up willy-nilly on Wikipedia and then pretends it's our actual knowledge.
You know, we make mistakes, and mistakes are charming.
They're like an old antique chair.
Do you know what I mean?
I do.
Or a scuffed up family car that you're affectionate towards.
A charming old man.
Mistakes are rare, yeah.
Mistakes, and to do them is a skill.
And we're one of the best.
We're one of the best at that skill.
We have got skills.
So stand by for your command, Black Squadron, because here, are you ready to play this, that song then, your song?
Yeah.
Oh, you know, you're not because it's not even the pompatus one.
It's the sugar cubes you're going to play.
No, I'm not.
I'm going to play the swinging medallions.
Sorry.
Not the medallions, but the swinging medallions.
All right.
Double shot of Baby's Love.
Oh, yes.
This command.
This is the command.
Stand by, Black Squadron.
During this song, you must perform a forward roll.
Oh, a little bit of scratching in the background there.
That was probably Einar doing the scratching from the sugar cubes.
Yes.
When was that record then?
92.
92.
So scratching had been around for a while.
I heard some very poor scratching in a record the other day.
Paul Young off the No Palais album.
You love that album.
I do.
I've got an 80s playlist going on and that album's on there.
And Come Back and Stay.
Oh, there's some terrible scratching.
No, is there really?
Yeah, it's like somebody's just gone, oh, we better have some scratching in this because it's, you know, it's the new thing.
So someone's just gone...
Like that.
Like if someone with no skill at scratching has just tried to get some kind of vaguely rhythmic noise.
I'm sure it was good at the time.
Well, it's the same thing now with Auto-Tune, isn't it?
Yes, Auto-Tune's so fashionable though.
It's ridiculous.
All the big booming systems going down my street, you know, the cars with the blacked-out windows, they've all got Auto-Tune coming out of them.
Ludacris.
Yeah, we had... He does Auto-Tune.
Ludacris.
Yeah.
Have we had a definitive, you know, pointer as to where the ordinary person on the street can get hold of AutoTune?
We want to know whether there's some kind of plug-in, ideally for GarageBand, an AutoTune plug-in.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
Presumably there's a bit of software you can download.
It's just a filter, right?
Is it?
Yeah, and then you'd have a musical typing thing.
A little... Like a vocoder.
You actually don't need it.
a bit of technology.
You can just do it with your voice.
Well you can do it by hitting your throat can't you?
That's slightly vocoder-ish isn't it?
But they do a lot of note bending stuff as well.
Yeah they do.
The Black Eyed Peas is all over the Black Eyed Peas record, isn't it?
That's a new record.
That's at the cutting edge of records, that record.
Have you seen the video for that record?
No.
Have I?
It's all like the lawnmower man and stuff.
That's right, virtue.
Well, he was the one that appeared during the election broadcast, wasn't he, was he?
That's right, the hologram.
In 3D, yeah.
Is it Will.i.am?
Will.i.am.
He's from the future.
He's from the future, isn't he?
He's the most cussing edge individual on the planet.
On the planet.
He's the most cutting edge man on the planet.
Yes.
Oh, imagine what it would be like to have tea with him.
What would it be like?
You would have come if you would touch it.
Oh, I see.
Listen, listen, listen, let's change the subject.
I was in Borders this week.
It's one of many, many shops where you can buy mags.
And I was buying a mag.
In fact, this was two weeks ago, but it stayed with me this event.
And the transaction went very smoothly.
I'd been queuing for a while.
You know how they do it at that shop.
They've only got two checkouts for the whole store.
And you have to form a big queue.
A lot of queuing there.
Anyway, I finally got to the front.
I was paying for my mag.
And the transaction went really smoothly.
And as I walked away, my foot caught in a stand holding a lot of books and magazines.
And the whole stand came down.
The whole thing?
Yeah.
Bad one.
It just crashed down.
and it was all going so well thanks a lot thanks bye-bye really embarrassing everybody turned and looked yeah uh it really did the magazine spilled out over a huge surface area it was very spectacular wow
And I was really, really embarrassed.
So you ran away.
I couldn't handle it.
You know, in a situation like that, you should be cool and calm and collected and laugh it off.
Sure.
I went really red.
Yeah.
And started humming and erring.
And crying.
And not crying, but I felt like crying.
And I felt humiliated as I bent over to start picking them up.
Did anyone help you?
Yeah, they started to help me and they started to say, oh, let's just move that stand.
That stand shouldn't have been there.
Silly stand.
Silly stand.
Exactly.
I said, no, no, no, no, it's all right.
Keep the stand there.
It is fine.
It's my fault.
Keep the stand there.
Don't move the stand.
Just leave it there.
Everyone was looking.
It was as if I'd accidentally killed someone and their guts had spilled out all over the floor and I was trying to put their guts back in.
All right.
Sorry, your guts will be fine.
Don't help me.
I'll put it back.
I ran out of the shop, all flustered.
I'm sorry.
Has that ever happened to you?
Anything like that?
Please say it has.
All the time, boy.
You wait till you hear about the week I've had.
But I could sue them.
Have you been injured in a trip or fall at work that wasn't your responsibility?
Yes.
Yes, I have by the stand.
I was humiliated and hurt by a dangerous display stand.
It was not my fault that the man's guts fell out.
At the cash register.
I'm so sorry to hear that, man.
Yeah, I just had to get that out.
It's been a tough week, hasn't it?
Yeah.
Well listen, we're going to go to the news now and we'll talk more about our problems later on in the show.
You mean there's something more important than that?
It seems unbelievable, doesn't it?
But it's 9.30 and time for the news.
That's Lily Allen.
Who is Lily Allen?
She is the daughter of Reginald Perrin.
Really?
And she was brought up by the Queen.
The kids love her, why?
The kids love her because she used to be a bin man and they like the way she clears the streets and she's got a common touch and wears skirts.
Thanks.
What was the name of her first ever single?
My boyfriends are not jockey.
Am I allowed to say that?
I don't think so, no.
But that was the name of the single.
What am I going to do about it?
It's her potty mouth, not mine.
That's terrible.
I'm really sorry.
Why are you asking me questions like that that I have to answer quickly?
Have you been injured in a trip or a fall at work that wasn't your fault?
That wasn't my fault.
I'm really sorry, it's terrible.
Listen, Black Squadron, we should sign you out because we're massively overdue.
Oh, you did it?
I wasn't listening.
How did the forward rolls go?
Black Squadron, I wonder.
If you're a tall man like me, it can be quite painful on the spine.
We got a picture from a guy who fell over doing his forward roll.
We got a few pictures.
We hope nobody hurt themselves.
You got to be careful with the forward rolls.
It's physically perilous, this show.
Isn't it one of those, is it still fashionable, the forward roll in gymnastics, I wonder?
Or is it one of those things that's come out of fashion because of health and safety?
PC gone mad's been round.
PC gone... I wouldn't do that forward roll if I was you.
There he is.
PC gone mad.
He's fanned all the forward rolling.
Hello, hello.
What are you doing with that ladder over there?
That's not so much PC though, is it?
That's just health and safety.
PC would be more like... Oh, that's got a few racist overtones.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
That would be PC gone mad.
It's like Bad Lieutenant all over again.
They're doing it again, aren't they, with Nick Cage?
They are, yeah.
It's some famous director as well.
Right.
Can't remember who's someone good.
Probably Takashi Miike.
Probably the director of Midnight Meat Trait.
true listeners.
It was Rui Kitamura.
That's right.
Hey, but we got into this whole thing by talking about Lily Allen.
Of course, she's going to be appearing at Glastonbury.
Can't believe you said that bad word.
It's not a bad word.
It's a way that you can describe DJs.
I wonder what the repercussions will be.
You know, DJs have to deal with knobs and faders, that kind of thing, and they are disjockeys.
All right?
It's just the English language I'm using here.
You're right.
Right?
Yep.
Good.
And our producer James did the cut gesture.
The polish, the polishing a surface.
The polish, the stop it gesture.
Lily Allen of course is appearing at Glastonbury.
Six Music will be there to cover the festival and if you aren't going along
It all kicks off on Thursday night, of course.
We will be arriving on Friday.
That's me and Joe.
Six Music will be covering... I'll be arriving Thursday.
Oh, yes, you will, won't you?
Yeah, I'm there a little bit early, just to get things ready.
And our first show, I think, is Friday evening, but Six Music will be covering the event from midday on Friday, I think, and we'll be there for the whole weekend for a chance to be our guests.
at Glastonbury and win a pair of tickets, go to the Six Music website right now.
If you answer some simple questions, you could get yourself free Glastonbury tickets and join us there.
It would be great to have seen.
Have they fixed the questions there, James?
There was a little bit of controversy, yeah, about the date of the first Glastonbury.
That's been fixed.
Good.
It's all fine.
So do go along there and check out that stuff on the website.
We'd love to meet you at Glastonbury.
And we were trying to think of ways that listeners to this show could identify themselves at the festival.
Of course, there's the Stephen shout out, but it would be good to think of a visual way, an item of clothing that everybody could get their hands on, that they could wear, you know, so you'd be able to distinguish listeners at a distance.
Maybe a very, very tall hat.
A tall hat?
Well, I mean, lots of people wear tall hats enough.
Not specific enough.
It's got to be something that you could be 100% sure.
But something that's not going to ruin your day.
We don't want you to paint your face green.
It mustn't be a burden or uncomfortable in any way.
So if you've got any ideas, listeners, for something simple that could easily identify listeners to this show, then do let us know.
The text number is 64046 and the email is... Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk and all text to this programme will be charged at your standard message rate.
Ah, it's enjoyable saying that stuff, isn't it?
Here's Money Mark right now with hand in your head.
Do you remember that bit in Terminator 2 when he calls his mum home?
Sure.
Asks about Wolfie, Max the dog.
Remember?
Yeah.
And then you cut to the house and the mum, her arms turned into a massive shiny metal spike.
Right.
And it's clearly the Terminator talking using the mum's voice.
That's me.
That's who I am.
Is it?
Yeah.
Why?
I'm just thinking that we could both be terminators and there'd be nowhere the audience would know.
Oh, I see.
We'd be just talking in Adam and Jo's voice, but look at the webcam and there's two terrifying, soulless metal androids with red glowing eyes at the mics.
The Terminator... The producer James is lying dead on the floor with a milk carton impaled through his forehead.
It's just another Saturday at the office.
Just a flight of fancy.
Why did that suddenly get in your head?
I don't know.
I'm becoming a bit obsessed with Terminators.
Are you?
I haven't seen the new film, but something about the marketing is giving me a Terminator urge.
Well, you know, we do have this clip that someone sent us in.
A listener chopped together a couple of film reviews that were a broadcast on the BBC networks.
And he's done quite a good job of mashing them together.
Why not, as we're talking about Terminator?
Yeah, so this is a guy that he just heard two completely different reviews from two completely different reviewers, one from
Radio 5 and the other one from BBC 6.
He's called Ben and he lives in Shepherd's Bush.
And these reviews have confused him.
I think Ben, his name's Ben Jackson, he expects a sort of consistent line from the BBC, you know?
A sort of corporate take on something.
And he hasn't been supplied with it by these two reviews.
This is what Ben sent us.
Terminator Salvation is, I have to say, for me, out of all the summer blockbusters so far, this one is absolutely in a class of its own.
Life-threateningly dull.
Really bounces along.
So crushingly dull!
The action sequence is breathtaking.
A bad version of Transformers.
It really does deserve it.
It's really amazing.
Also, the way it's directed, my goodness.
He can't direct films.
McGee will get to it.
McGee!
McGee!
McGee!
McGee managed to do it now.
McGee!
You can't make
where the camera just whizzes in and out of the helicopter while it's crashing.
And it's not often these days where you watch something and say, I do not know how they did that.
Why did Christian Bale do it?
You can see on screen he's marching around like he's about to hit somebody at any moment, acting, of course.
He is absolutely rubbish in it.
As I say, for me, it's the biggest and the best of any of the summer blockbusters.
To be honest, I can't see anything else touching it.
So that's commode, isn't it, snoring there?
That's Mark Commode intercut with Liz Kershaw's film reviewer, Geoff Simpson, here on BBC Six Music, two directly oppositional views on the same film.
I haven't seen it yet, have you?
No, but the general vibe I get... Thumbs down.
...is towards Commode's point of view.
Yeah, it's one or two star reviews, generally.
It seems to me that Geoff Simpson is going out on a limb there for The Majesty of Mcgee.
He was knocked out by it!
I absolutely loved it!
How do they do that when they go through the helicopters?
I've never seen anything like that!
Yeah, how do they do it?
How's it done?
I mean there's spits in there where you're thinking, how did they do that?
And then there appear to be live dinosaurs in the film, a diplodocus and a T-Rex and it's jaw-dropping.
Laura Dern interacts, she gets very close to the dinosaurs and then
There appear to be explosions in space which is impossible because there's no oxygen in space and it was remarkable, absolutely remarkable.
And then Philip Seymour Hoffman takes off his face and it turns out it's Tom Cruise wearing a mask.
I mean my brain just melted and dribbled out through my nose.
I mean, I'm sure, maybe he's right, maybe it's really good.
They say that McG directed the dramatic scenes and he left the action up to the second unit.
That's the rumour.
So some people are saying that the action sequences are really good.
This is Terminator Salvation we're talking about.
So, you know, maybe it is quite good.
He's a masterful director of drama.
No one can question that.
Yes, certainly the Charlie's Angels films were moving and engaging and very human.
Mark Commode was spitting bullets there, wasn't he?
He went completely nuts.
Yeah, yeah, he was.
He's good, Camode.
He really puts his all into things.
Can't mess with his quiff.
He's a kind of chap.
Jeff Simpson, though.
That would be exciting.
I'd like to be stunned by very basic special effects.
It would make life more entertaining, wouldn't it?
It's very patronising towards Mr Simpson, who's an experienced... Yeah, we're just riffing on a tiny little bit of his review.
We don't know.
It's out of context, isn't it?
Yeah, it's totally out of context.
That's how we like things.
We like things.
And then I couldn't believe it when a second Michael J. Fox walked into the room.
Either they've got to look alike or I don't know what.
There were seven Michael Keaton's all standing there.
It was blowing my mind.
And that's why Multiplicity is the best film I've seen this year.
You got a free play here, right?
Yeah, this is more from the Pictish Trails album, Secret Sounds.
I played a track from this last week, and this is great.
This is called Winter Home Disco.
Jarvis Cocker there with Angela.
That was released on the 17th of April.
It's from his new album, Further Complications, released on May the 18th.
Songs like that are a bit like those shops where they have key rings with people's names on it, you know?
Personalised things.
Yeah.
There's a song for every name, isn't there?
Almost, yeah.
Because you can always guarantee, you know, a certain amount of sales.
People called Angela, people going out with people called Angela.
There's lots of Joe songs.
I can't think of that many Adam songs.
There must be an Adam song.
Surely there's an Adam song.
People can tell us.
So listeners, you're tuned into the Adam and Joe program on 6 Music, by the way, in case you didn't realize.
I'm going to talk, I'm going to get something off my chest now.
I've had a difficult week, right?
I've been working hard doing this sitcom.
Incidentally, thanks so much for coming along if you came to the taping in Teddington on Thursday.
The tapings go on for another four weeks and you're welcome to join us if you want.
You can probably find out details on the blog.
We might put some links to how you can get hold of tickets for the taping of this sitcom I'm doing.
But I got home yesterday having picked up a hire car, right, from the production company, which makes it easier for me to get home after this show to go to Norfolk and then spend some time with my family before getting back to rehearsals and stuff.
I got back to where I was staying in South London.
Uh, parked the car, went in to get the visitor's permit, right?
Because I'd specially gone out to Lambeth Council, bought some visitor's permit books, go in to get my visitor's permit, fill it out, come out.
What do you think's happening?
Toad away?
No, ticket.
He's finishing writing the ticket.
He's just popped it in the system there.
How long had you been parked outside for?
Well, he told me how long it was.
He'd been observing the car for two and a half minutes.
Two and a half minutes?
Yeah.
So, how do you think I dealt with the situation?
I would have... He's put it in the thing, has he?
He's punched it in the thing.
Punched it in the thing.
I'm extremely tired, I'm absolutely exhausted.
I have made a point of going in and having the parking book standing by, got it specially from Lambeth Council, come out, slapped a ticket on me in an empty street for being parked out there for two and a half minutes.
Time of day?
Time of day, it was 5.45.
So, only 45 minutes left on restrictions anyway.
I would warrant you flipped your flippin' flipper.
Weird.
I did exactly that.
I went absolutely nuts, right?
And I just totally lost my temper.
And I should say at this point before I go any further that I was very ashamed and still am very ashamed of how angry I got and how I dealt with the situation, right?
I'm in no way glorifying anything I did thereafter.
I behaved like an idiot whole.
Right.
And it made me feel really bad and still does talking about it.
What did you do?
Do what you did.
I thought I should confess, right?
I'm using this show as a means of confession.
So I went nuts, got really angry and said, what are you doing?
I've been out here for two minutes.
And he's like, well, you've been out here for longer than two minutes because I've been observing the car for two and a half minutes.
It's like, ah, this is... But he didn't tell me this for quite some time.
His default reaction to me getting angry was getting right back up in my grill as well, right?
which doesn't usually happen.
Usually the parking attendants and they, it should be said, they do do a very difficult job.
Usually they remain incredibly impassive, almost to the extent that it makes it even worse for you.
You get even angrier because you want a human reaction from them.
But this guy, he got right back up in my face and very quickly, and it sort of escalated, right?
This, this contratone.
I was very careful not to be physically threatening or anything like that, but no, I should say, you know, I was really... You didn't hit him.
I didn't touch him because you don't want anything like that to start happening in those situations because it can easily get out of hand.
I was really careful not to swear at him or do any of that kind of stuff, but I was absolutely mad.
I was really hopping bananas.
And he, at one stage, I think I called him a disgrace, right?
I said, you're a disgrace.
You're not doing a good job.
What was your angle that he's not doing a good job, that he's being overly officious?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, what's the point?
What do you think you're doing?
What do you think the point of your job is?
Isn't it to keep traffic flowing?
Isn't it to make sure that roads are not being obstructed by poor parking?
I am doing my best.
I'm bending over backwards to comply with the regulations here in an empty street, parking outside my own residence, and I'm getting these visitor's parking permits and I'm being penalised, and there's absolutely no accountability from the parking wardens.
Of course, it's not the individual wardens' attendance fall.
He's just doing his job.
But when they say, I'm just doing my job,
That is not the thing you wanna hear.
That just makes you even madder.
So it was all getting totally out of hand, this situation, you know, and all these cliches were going back and forth and this, and I called him a disgrace or something.
And then he used the N-word, right?
And he said, like in hip-hop parlance, N-word please, you know?
He said that to me.
And I thought that was a bit off, right?
And even though I wasn't offended by it, of course, I just thought, I'm gonna use this as ammunition.
Nice.
And I'm going to say, that's a racial slur.
That's a racial epithet.
How dare you use that kind of offensive terminology?
Right?
So it was all getting lower.
Wow.
What a contemporary situation.
It was really bad.
It's like the film Crash.
Exactly.
It was exactly like Crash.
But I've never seen.
But I was just fuming, you know, and all rationality and reasonability had gone out of the equation.
Reasonality.
Reasonality is the correct word.
And then a colleague of his came along on a scooter and tried to calm, and it was very professional, tried to calm the situation down, both parties, and saying to his colleague, you know, step away, just leave.
So what's the conclusion?
Did he retract the ticket?
No.
Of course not.
No, he can't once he's punched it into the system.
Yeah, he just says, if you want to appeal, you can appeal to the council.
Thanks very much.
Who would you think won then?
I would say he probably did because I behaved like such an idiot, because here's the thing, I went further, right?
What do you think I did there?
Well, instead of letting it go at that point, which any sane human being would threaten some kind of, you know, going to superiors, I went and I got my digital camera.
Oh, you took a photo of him.
No, I put it on filming mode and I followed him down the street chatting to him about why he thought it was a good idea to penalize people.
And I was very calm at that point, right?
It wasn't out of hand anymore.
And so I was just chatting to him, but obviously he didn't like being filmed.
No.
And then an Australian man on a bike stopped and said to me, like, leave him alone.
What are you doing?
Yeah.
And at that moment, I caught myself like I realized what I was doing.
Wow.
And I felt insane.
But then the Australian man said, well, you can afford to pay the ticket, can't you?
I just thought that's not the point at all.
He can't, you know, people aren't being penalised just because they can afford to pay things.
This is totally unfair.
But obviously I realised that what I was doing was absolutely insane.
The filming?
Yeah.
What would you have planned to have done with the film?
I don't know.
YouTube?
I mean, you've got a successful YouTube channel.
Was that not in the back of your mind?
Possibly.
I'm going to use my YouTube channel for vigilante justice.
Yeah, possibly I was thinking that.
Possibly I just wanted to wind him up a bit, you know?
But whatever I was doing, it was very bad.
It's very contemporary, the surveillance society who's watching who, you know, survey the surveillance.
Right.
But the nice thing about it was that it had a kind of calming effect, and especially after the Australian interfering man had gone.
Right.
He wasn't on my side.
When he cycled up, I thought, oh, yes, he's going to be on my side.
Swampy's going to be on my side.
And he wasn't.
I was a bit miffed about that.
Swampy.
He had big dreadlocks like Swampy.
So we all calmed down.
And in the end it turned into quite a beautiful loving.
Really?
Yeah.
I said, listen, I'm sorry.
I erased the film.
I shook hands with the guy.
The guy said, listen, you seem like a nice guy.
If we met under other circumstances, I bet we'd get on.
And I wasn't sure about that, but he was nice, actually.
He was pretty nice.
And he calmed down.
I calmed down.
I said, I'm so sorry.
I got so angry.
I tried to explain why I got so furious, you know, and he tried to explain his point of view.
In the end, it was it was quite beautiful.
And we made sweet, sweet love in the street there on the street.
Wow.
No, but I came out of it very shaken because I thought I'd behaved so appallingly.
Back in the house.
I was really ashamed.
I was very ashamed.
And I would like to know for Texanation today, this is the longest build up to Texanation ever.
For Texanation today, I would be keen to hear about other
confrontations that have just shown you in the worst light.
Like how?
Well, you've taken it too far.
You've taken it way too far and you've dealt with it way too badly.
Obviously famous public examples of this are Peter Buck on the plane and it happens on planes a lot, doesn't it?
Air rage.
But those are things that have, you know, they've ended up going to prison.
We don't really want to hear things as extreme as that.
But this specifically, you felt you were in the right.
and then your own emotions put you squarely in the wrong.
I just behaved like a Wally, solidly for half an hour, yeah.
And I was ashamed.
So I would like to hear similar stories from other people so I don't feel so alone.
Solid Wally.
Solid half hour of walliness.
Right, let's play some music right now, listeners.
We have got Florence and the Machine, right?
Yeah, this is Rabbit Heart.
Brackets, raise it up.
That is Eels with Hey Man, Now You're Really Living.
That's taken from their 2005 album, Blinking Lights and Other Revelations, which is a wonderful album.
If you don't have it already, you should go out and invest in it.
Of course, he's got a new album out, Ombre Lobo, 12 Songs of Desire.
Also very enjoyable, very good half hour little documentary DVD you get free with that as well.
They're doing that a lot these days.
I love a little free DVD.
Love a little free DVD.
I bought the massive Neil Young Blu-ray box set for my girlfriend this week.
That's the one you're supposed to get.
You get loads of extra stuff on there, right?
Nine Blu-ray discs.
200 pounds.
200 pounds?
I made it very clear she knew exactly what it cost.
I waited about two hours from the presentation to slip in.
Do you know how much it cost?
200 pounds.
It's two hours enough time?
Wow.
That's a long time.
Well done.
I would have done it within the first 10 minutes.
I know.
Well, I was really having to hold it in for that period.
It was painful.
I would have said, here's the receipt in case you want to take it back.
Yes.
Nice.
That's a good tactic.
Look at the receipt.
I mean, it's a big box.
Have you seen the box?
Sure.
It's got Neil Young.
It's like he's painted it himself.
It's very beautifully crafted, but it's quite empty.
It reminded me of the Coco electric box.
What's that cocoa?
Oh, on The Apprentice.
Yeah.
It's got three different draws.
And you lift them out of the box.
What were the draws?
It was for him, for her and to fight about.
No, to share.
It started off being to fight about and then it turned into to share.
Right.
It's a smear all over your face.
But in draw number one of Neil's Nutty Box is the nine Blu-ray DVDs that basically don't take up a lot of space.
Right.
I mean, nine DVDs.
What's that like?
Two inches in width, not a lot of space.
They're in draw number one.
In draw number two is a beautiful book.
Right.
A sort of leather bound Neil scrapbook.
with lyrics and nuggets.
Neil Young, Neil from the Young Ones.
No, a Neil Young scrapbook.
And in the third draw... Is Neil.
That would be nice, wouldn't it?
A bit of Neil's beard.
Or some old faggons and bottles.
An old doobie.
No, what it's got is a pad, a notepad rattling around in it.
I think there might be one or two, but there's basically not very much in it.
What's the notepad for?
Well, it says it's some kind of Neil Young fan in joke.
I don't understand it.
It's like this is a pad for writing thoughts.
It has written on it.
But what's the point of thoughts if you haven't got a pad or something, something like that?
Well, I like Neil Young and that goes over my head.
But it just seemed a bit like they were trying, you know, like when you buy a really expensive bit of software.
And it's just a CD, but yet they package it in an enormous box.
Giant box to make it seem physically worth the money.
Of course.
It seemed a bit like that.
Right.
What are we going to do with the blooming Neil Young thing?
It's impossible to store.
It's huge.
Yeah.
I mean, it looks good at the moment, but how much longer can it hang around the front room?
You have to have a separate shelf built for box sets.
You really do a weird shaped shelf.
That's no good, man.
Yeah.
I don't like things like that.
Listen, when I started talking, I had somewhere to go, but I've just got lost.
Well, we were going to talk about The Apprentice, but let's play some more music and find out what happened with your Margaret Madison song.
Here's a free play, though, right now.
This is my special free play for my mum that I like to do every week, or at least I try to do to keep my mum happy.
This is Roy Rogers.
Hope you like this one.
He was a cowboy man, but he had a sideline in singing.
Does your mum like any modern music?
Well, she does, actually.
Yes, she does.
I should play some modern music for my mum, shouldn't I?
This is good, though.
So this is a song by a cowboy.
I don't even know if she likes this one.
But I thought maybe she did, because it's really intriguing.
Even though it's very old, I think it was early 50s, it's got some amazingly odd harmonies and stuff and key changes and things in there.
Hope you like this, Mum.
This is Roy Rogers with Tumbling Tumbleweeds.
That sounds almost Disney-esque, doesn't it?
There's something very soothing about the quality of vocals recorded around that period.
Yes, it must have been earlier than the 50s, I guess.
It sounds as if the world is just a more comfortable and sound-absorbing place.
Definitely.
Sort of more soft furnishings around.
Not so many hard edges.
Not too much echoes.
Not too much chrome.
Yes.
Yes, Adam, yes.
Yes.
When in doubt, just be very positive.
Listen, so regular listeners might know that on the Song Wars thing we do the other week, we did Apprentice-themed songs.
Adam did a song that accused all the contestants of being idiots.
Morons.
Morons and repeated it over and over again, and he was stupid.
He's a stupid moron.
That's a good song.
But he was upset when a word came that they were going to choose my Margaret Mountford song maybe to play on The Apprentice You're Fired.
I wasn't that upset.
I was pleased for you, man.
You were furious.
I was a little bit angry.
And so basically I waited with bated breath last Sunday evening
pretty sure that this time they were going to use the song.
As you know, my aspirations to have my song or song used on television have been thwarted how many times?
Thrice.
Well, both of ours.
Antics Roadshow, they promised.
It was a no-show.
What was the one with you?
Biff Baffboth.
Biff Baffboth, they were going to use on the celebrity sister show.
I think that was one more, but I forgot what it was.
So we had emails from people who'd been in the audience of the record of the You've Been Fired final.
That's not what it's called.
You're Fired final.
And they said yes, they played it in.
Yes, Margaret, listen to it.
So I was pretty sure, you know, it still seemed unlikely, but I thought this time it was going to happen.
Yeah.
Pretty much the whole weekend I was waiting for Sunday evening.
Same here.
I pretty much didn't really care about the result of The Apprentice.
I was just solely focused on my song.
I was trying to pretend I wasn't as well in the front room at home.
We had some friends watching as well with us and I was trying to be very cool.
I was particularly slouched in an overly relaxed way to try and give off the signals that I didn't really care.
And so that I looked unfazed if they didn't play.
I'm just going to the kitchen guys.
I'm not interested in this program.
I'm going to the kitchen to get something quickly.
Quickly come back.
Something really quickly.
And so my stomach was turning little cartwheels.
My heart was pitter-pattering.
There were little butterflies in my stomach.
Mine was as well, and it wasn't even my song.
Really?
This could be big.
I had some fantasies in my head about, you know, the consequences of what would happen if they did use it.
This is the kind of thing, I tried to repress it, but I couldn't help thinking, YouTube smash?
Massive, at least a massive YouTube smash.
I mean, I'll probably be up all night watching the numbers rocket on the YouTube video.
And maybe I'll get a call from a record company and it's gonna be a single.
Demi Moore.
That'll make Adam really angry.
It's gonna be a hit signal.
Demi Moore, you think she might have got it done?
Well, because she got into the whole Susan Boyle thing, didn't she?
She never turned up, though, did she?
They said she was gonna turn up for the final, but she didn't.
She sent a personal message of support, I think.
Anyway, the program started and up came the bit when I thought they'd play it.
It was a little montage about how The Apprentice had impacted in the media.
And no, there was no song.
There was a clip of TV Burt with Harry Hill being very funny.
And some online sort of Lego man.
Some very funny YouTube animation someone had done with Lego man.
Cornballs.
No cornballs.
So I thought, well, that's probably it.
That's probably it.
But then I realised they hadn't announced that Margaret was leaving.
I thought, ah, well, they're saving it for the big... Got loads of big montage.
Sure.
But, you know, anyone who actually watched it will know that they didn't use it in the end at all.
I couldn't believe it.
And even right till the end, I was thinking, maybe they'll play it over the closing titles.
Well, they launched a little montage of Margaret, didn't they?
And they started playing what, the national anthem?
That's right.
They were just a regal angle.
Regal angle.
And I mean, to be honest, I was disappointed.
However, it has to be said that watching the show and the slickness they're in.
Well, you realize they've got, I mean, for funny songs, they've got the Pants Man song and they've got enough stuff to go into for every single contestant.
And then, you know, the winner, the person who came second, Sir Allen was turning up.
No disrespect, but your song would have sounded a little bit special needs.
It would have sounded really odd.
You know, you have to contextualize stuff in TV, you're right.
They would have actually said who I am, what the show is.
They would have had to say what Song Wars was to understand it.
Otherwise, I would have been this weird, wittering man.
If it had been a sort of directly, explicitly funny song, you know, like that, you know, sort of Chaz and Dave, then
But because it was so sophisticated and elegant, it would have scrambled people's brainiums.
But she heard it.
That's the main thing.
Yeah, well, we've got an email here, listen, from a listener called Andrew Petty, who says, I sort of know Margaret through my job writing about TV and radio for The Daily Telegraph.
She's been writing a weekly column about the apprentice in the paper.
The last time we spoke, I told her about your song and sent her a link.
She had a bit of trouble downloading the full version, but Margaret said that the bit she had listened to, the bit.
Sanded nice and quotes rather gentle.
That's very nice.
I thought that Margaret's positive appraisal might offer you, if not a bag full, then at least a quantum of solace after those nit-twits at television centre cruelly thwarted your primetime TV animation once again.
That's a nice email.
Thanks Andrew.
Thanks Andrew.
But I would say, what was it?
Positive comments.
I would say positive is too strong a word for her comments.
Nice and gentle.
Had a bit of trouble downloading the full version.
What does that mean?
How can you have trouble downloading something on YouTube?
Well, you get bored, and then you stop.
You get frightened by it.
And you do something else.
That's Franz Ferdinand.
They're so hot right now!
With no you girls.
Adam and Jo here on Six Music.
Nice to be with you listeners.
Yeah and it's Text the Nation time and here's a superb new jingle for Text the Nation that has been created by John Griffin from Dublin.
Get your ears round this.
It doesn't matter
I like that one because it sounds like some very sweet people trying to act like yobs.
It's very aggressive and violent and dystopian.
John says it started out as an homage to NWA but ended up sounding more like Public Enemy.
I know what you're thinking but no, it's not Chuck D lending his vocals to the track.
I was unable to secure the talents of any Public Enemy member so instead it's me doing the vocals with some very precise pitch shifting applied.
That's good, man.
You know what it reminded me of?
He says something else.
And don't worry, the scratching's from a sample, so I haven't damaged my dad's record player.
There we go.
Now, it reminds me a little bit of the anti-piracy song.
Yes.
That same kind of thing with sirens going off and windows smashing and people stealing.
Society's breaking down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, and it's apt for this textination, which is all about kind of arguments or confrontations that have got out of hand.
No, that's not really a good description, is it?
Sort of civic confrontations.
Well, I was telling a story before about my latest contraton with the traffic ward, and I like to have one at least once a year.
And I just ended up feeling that I'd behaved like an absolute idiot whole.
Yeah, overreacting, I suppose, getting getting getting inappropriately angry.
in some kind of a situation.
And it escalates and you just end up being a massive wally.
It'll become clear.
Here's one from Brian E. King.
I had him and Joe many years ago.
I was in a very crowded bar.
I was a little drunk, which didn't help matters.
My ex-boyfriend had bought me a pint, but when he tried to hand it to me, he tripped and spilled the whole thing in my lap.
I was so furious, I went to buy a replacement, then tipped the whole thing in his lap on purpose.
What?
Unsurprisingly, he was extremely upset with me.
I was very embarrassed about this story.
And I am even now.
That's terrible.
I wonder if they split up after that.
It's an overreaction, isn't it?
How would you deal with that?
It must be fun.
I've never thrown a drink at someone.
Well, good for you.
I don't like to do that.
Stuff like that, stuff like clearing all this, getting in an argument and clearing, sweeping your arm across the surface of a table or a mantelpiece.
We've discussed this before.
Those kind of grand movie style gestures of fury.
I've never done them.
I'd like to do them.
Do you mind if I can I have permission to throw a drink in your face?
At some point in the next couple of weeks and that you can do it at Glastonbury.
Can I?
Yeah, really get really furious Let's let's arrange your time to hook up with some black squadron members, right?
And I'll throw a drink in your face.
You can throw a drink in my face What if we have a sort of makeshift mantle piece with stuff on it or a table?
Let's have a desk you can sweep the you can be so furious at the drink You just sweep the stuff off the table.
Love it.
People will love it cuz that's the kind of thing that gets into films.
It's true, isn't it?
Yeah, if you do that kind of thing, you know what you're doing is important.
I would not like to have a drink thrown in my face.
That's one of those gestures that you see girls doing in films sometimes, like slapping is the other one.
Yes.
I've been slapped by a girl before, and I didn't even do anything that wrong.
Hey, come on, this isn't about you.
I didn't like it.
Here's a text from Sophie in London.
I once lost it when an old man reprimanded me for reaching past him for a lemon in a supermarket.
I loudly pretended to put an evil spell on him.
That's good, kind of drag me to hell style evil gypsy behaviour.
That's scary.
What did you say to me?
That sounded more like a kind of a satanic incantation.
That's what you're talking about though, isn't it?
No, the language isn't right.
The Woman in Drag Me to Hell does a brilliant one.
Have you seen that movie yet?
Not yet.
No, I can't wait.
Sam Raimi.
She does a separate satanic language.
It just sounds very witchy and it sounds like it means stuff and it sounds ancient and it's frightening.
It'll give you the willies.
Your pockets will be full of willies.
Coldness visited unto your pebbles, there will be.
That's scary.
Visited onto your pebbles.
Coldness visited onto your pebbles.
No one wants that.
That sounds refreshing.
Sounds like something you'd pay for in a spa.
Rest of the pebbles on your back.
Mmm.
Soothing.
Dear Buckles and Dr. Sexy, Yesterday I experienced an outburst that is worthy of Adam's ticket fiasco.
I was so ashamed I didn't tell my wife until text the nation was announced.
I think she's having second thoughts about our marriage.
Yesterday morning I sat on a crowded train a young man stood above me sniffing repeatedly distracting me from my free men's magazine.
He then sat down on the seat next to me and continued sniffing and snorting.
I lost it.
I turned and I coughed straight in his face like an insane tramp.
Wow.
He looked a little taken aback, and then sniffed again.
I coughed again, right in his face, and stared a crazy stare into his eyes.
You just coughed in my face, he said.
Well, you keep sniffing, I replied.
I forgot my tissue, he told me.
I don't care, it's disgusting, was my argument.
He stopped sniffing and snuffling.
Ha, that showed him, I thought to myself, whilst silently shaking.
Deep down, though, I knew I had sacrificed my dignity.
Can I take this apology to... What?
Can I take this opportunity to apologize?
Corin in Walthamstam.
Good for you, Corin.
coughing in someone's face, that's violating loads of unspoken laws, you know, just hygiene stuff with swine flu around.
Have you not read your government-issued pamphlet?
You've got to keep it locked down.
One more, do you think?
Maybe one more, okay.
I shouted at a bus driver who refused to stop for someone who wanted the bus in Liverpool.
Brackets I was on the bus.
He took offence to this and refused to let me off the bus.
Wow.
I called him a kidnapper.
This is escalating brilliantly and attempted to escape using the emergency exit while the bus was moving.
Definitely not my final moment Dan from the Wirral.
That escalates into a kind of speed-worthy action sequence from a simple altercation.
Brilliant.
Keep those coming in.
like little little petty disputes that have got massively out of hand where you've been in the wrong the text number is 64046 yeah and you can email us if you're listening to this show on listen again or as part of the podcast of course you can keep your suggestions coming in and they might be included in retro textination on the following week's podcast adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk is the email address if that's the case here's a bit of depeche mode this is peace
Hmm, Depeche Mode there with Peace.
Who's your favourite member of Depeche Mode, Joe?
I would say it's Dave Gahan.
The lead singer.
Yeah.
That's an obvious choice.
Well, it's the only one I can think of.
I don't know the other one's names.
I don't really own any Depeche.
Do you not?
I like to say Depeche.
I've got the 12 inch of... God's got a sixth sense of humour.
Blasphemous rumour.
Yeah, I've got the 12 of that, yeah.
I still listen to New Life.
I like Vince Clark era.
Yes, that's probably their best era, isn't it?
I bet that stuff sounds really good these days.
Pictures of you.
Is that what it's called?
Well, don't get personal.
Anyway, listeners, we like to make mistakes on this programme.
You know, I say that we don't like to, but it happens, right?
Because it's a freeform shambling show and stuff comes out of our mouths and often it's wrong.
And we like to be corrected by our listeners and kept on our toes.
So here's a few mistakes that we made on last week's show and in last week's podcast.
We do a thing at the beginning of the podcasts where we say our names in the form of a song.
And last week the song was
Also Sprach Zarathustra, also known as the opening titles for 2001.
I confidently said, yeah, that's also Sprach Zarathustra by Holst.
And I was thinking that, you know, because Holst was famous for the Planet Suite, right?
Mars bringer of war, et cetera.
I thought he was responsible for all space-based music.
Everything space-based.
That'll be Holst.
Yeah, it's got something to do with space.
That's Holst.
Strauss.
Strauss.
Richard Strauss.
That was pointed out by Oliver Russell, amongst other people.
Thanks, Oliver.
Although I did realize as soon as I said Holst, really confident.
Sure you did.
I thought that's probably wrong, isn't it?
Next mistake.
Next mistake.
Bowie.
We were talking about Bowie last week.
Fiona emailed us to say... Oh, this is the hoggle-cogle thing.
Right.
She said, Dear Adam and Jo, I love your show.
Capital letters for love.
And I listen to the podcast several times a week.
I mean, she really likes this thing.
I sing along to all the jingles.
I laugh at all the jokes.
I have a good time listening.
She couldn't be happier.
You would think.
However, she says in capitals, last week a large portion of my enjoyment was removed when the pair of you... You see, now I thought this was on purpose.
I thought you'd like invented a new type of variation of the name of Hoggle.
I tried to remember because there's a joke in the movie Labyrinth.
We were talking about Bowie, right?
And we were referring to how we would ask him questions about Labyrinth if we ever got the chance to interview him.
I was trying to remember the name of the little man with a big nose in Labyrinth.
And there's a whole running joke about the fact that Bowie keeps getting his name wrong.
And, uh, good excuse.
And we, uh, we call him Coggl, right?
Yeah, we were calling him Coggl.
In fact, Bowie calls him Coggl in the film.
And he goes, oh, it's Coggl.
My name's Coggl.
So she says, you call yourselves pretty high-level Bowie obsessives and then you proceed to make ridiculous mistakes that any true fan would know.
Firstly, it's Hoggle in the brilliant film, Labyrinth.
Not Kogel or whatever you made up.
Secondly, who doesn't know Bowie lives in New York?
I mean, I was talking about visiting Switzerland to try and track him down.
To be fair, he's got homes all over the area, right?
That was just one of his homes.
I knew that Bowie lived in New York.
You know, we could just ignore these mistakes.
Just roll with the punches.
Yeah, you reckon.
We might just be encouraging people.
I don't mind being corrected.
She says, thirdly, the baby dancing song in Labyrinth, which I referred to as Dance Baby Dance, those are the lyrics though, is called Dance Magic.
So get it together, boys!
Anyway, she still loves the show.
She even liked the Disgusting Habits segment, she says.
Lots of love from Fiona.
Thanks very much, Fiona.
Appreciate that.
So, you know, if we do make massive gaffes, then you can let us know.
But don't be too pedantic, otherwise life just isn't worth living.
You know, and I said earlier on that I was a bit worried I'd opened up a pedantry can of worms with the bad grammar in pop songs thing, right?
Although here's one that did strike me as being quite accurate.
Seanan Galway said, Hi, gentlemen, talking about infuriatingly bad pop grammar.
Well, here's an infuriatingly unanswered question in a lyric.
in Love Shack by the B-52s, which begins, if you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says 15 miles to the Love Shack!
That's almost exactly how it goes.
He then says, they go on at length to discuss the merits of the Love Shack, but never at any point do they answer the initial question.
If you see the aforementioned faded sign at the side of the road that says 15 miles to the Love Shack, what?! !
They don't say, says Sean and Galway.
I think that's a fair point.
Are you worried by that?
Well, I just think it's clear that the party, you know, we're there with a party.
It's just a big party.
The B-52s are there.
Isn't the video even set in the love shack with all sorts of stuff happening in the shack?
Yeah.
So what's the answer to the question?
I just think you're going down a never-ending road.
Right.
You know, lyrics are poetry.
It's true.
They're abstract.
I mean, what are you going to do if you take everything literally?
You're going to drive yourself insane.
That's all true.
And me.
And you.
And a portion of the listenership.
Sorry, Sean and Galway.
Um, some music.
A little bit of music right now.
This is my free play before you go and announce it all over the shop.
Sorry, man.
This is a Tribe Called Quest with Dabootie.
That seems a bit extreme though, doesn't it?
Just having dancing till you're actually dead and then you've had your head cut off by that time as well.
I think it's euphemistic.
You mean I'm taking it too literally?
Yeah, yeah.
Again, you're doing it again.
That was Yeah Yeah Yeah's with Heads Will Roll to be released on June 29th.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
A couple of weeks ago, was it a couple of weeks ago?
We did a little grunting masterclass.
Yes, a couple of weeks, yeah.
Yeah, I was harnessing Adam's skills as a screen actor to just take you listeners through some of the grunting skills that are required for performances in action films.
That's good, man.
What was that?
That was lifting a manhole cover with a body lying across it.
Yes, very good, very good.
Important part of any actor's repertoire to be able to grunt for big screen movies.
But I've always been fascinated by The Archers, the Radio 4 drama series.
Are you a listener?
I listen every now and then.
I'm more often in a room when other people are listening.
Or I catch the beginning and switch it off.
But I do love the archers, and it's occurred to me that there's a special skill required for acting in the archers, similar to the skill of grunting for action films.
In the archers it seems to me moaning and sighing is very important.
That's good.
It seems to me when I listen to the archers on Radio 4 that they're constantly coming into a Roman sighing, making tea, and then sighing again, and then that's the end of the scene.
That's the default tone of the archers.
I think so.
It's sort of ennui.
It's something that permeates Radio 4 drama as a whole, is sort of abject sighing.
It's a good way of emoting on the radio.
Yeah, well, it's important, you know, it's obviously you can't, there's no, nothing to look at, no face to express, so you've got to use the voice as a, I mean, you know this Adam already is an experienced actor, you've got to use the voice as a tool in radio very particularly, but I don't know, maybe sometimes it gets a little bit much on the archers.
There's a little bit too much sighing.
I wondered what would happen, for instance, if I took an episode of The Archers and removed everything but the sighing.
I wondered what that would sound like.
So I'd done it.
You've done it.
Let's have a listen.
Yeah, this is what it sounds like.
Thanks.
Anyway.
Tom?
I'm dead.
Alright.
Now you see, it's not bad, is it?
No, it sounds good, man, because you've got ups and downs, peaks and troughs in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it starts off quite fruity there.
Well, it sounds like quite a dirty evening in Cambridge, doesn't it?
Cambridge, what's it called?
Cambridge, right?
Yeah, Cambridge.
It's like Cambridge.
Yeah, Cambridge.
Yeah, no, that was nice.
It starts off very, very saucy and then gets a little bit tiring and then
Yeah, and then, ah, Tom.
Annoying.
Yeah, and then it sort of kicks off again.
Yeah.
But are you good at sighing there?
Could you do that sort of sighing?
What if just come in the door and say, you've come home from a busy day's work and you're just calling into the house to see if anyone else is there?
Go.
Hello!
That's good, you see.
What about if the inspector has come to inspect the drainage systems on the farm and he's laid down a lot of new EU rules on how you're going to have to put the drainage down and you're telling your husband about all the new EU rules?
Well, there's a lot of new EU rules about the drainage.
That's good.
You really, you really did that one.
I mean, I exhaled as much as I could.
What about just, you've had a hard day and you've just had a sip of tea and you've put the tea cup down and this is a side that just expresses all the ennui in your life, you know.
Yeah.
Okay.
Putting that, I'm going to sip the tea first, right?
Just to warn you, there'll be a sound effect for that.
No, no, that was terrible.
Too much.
Yeah, that sounded like a horse doing a poo.
You said everything, you said put everything in there.
Yeah, but it came out as a incontinent foal, horse, stallion.
I don't think anyone in Aimbridge would sip tea like that.
Well, I'm doing it.
I'm exaggerating.
You're not a very good supportive director, I must say.
Man, I can see you in one of the underworld films, yes, but not in The Archers.
You're too big.
Too big?
I think we need an actor or an actress from The Archers to come and teach you about science.
That's good, you see.
That's better, isn't it?
Wow.
I mean, the drinking was still too much, but... Yeah.
Anyway, there we go.
That was a little glimpse into the secret world of The Archers for you listeners.
Music time?
What about some Joy Division?
This is Love Will Tear Us Apart.
Joy Division with Love Will Tear Us Apart.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music on Saturday morning.
Thanks for joining us listeners.
Now we had a message earlier in the week from a chap who told us quite an entertaining story which I'd just like to share with you right now.
This is from, where's his name?
Geraint.
Is that how you pronounce that name?
Geraint, G-E-R-A-I-N-T.
Geraint.
Anyway, he says, Dear Adam and Joe, a few years ago, I was working on a film called Spy Game.
You remember that film, right?
Yeah, Robert Redford and Brad Pitts.
Exactly, directed by Tony Scott.
I was working closely there with a guy called Paul, and we came up with an idea.
Let's ask famous people to take pictures of us.
We might be able to start a gallery of pictures of us taken by celebs.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were at the wrap party for Spy Game in a nightclub in a basement of a hotel in Casablanca in Morocco, where I thought this was the perfect opportunity to ask Brad Pitt to take a picture of me.
He was sitting on a sofa surrounded by lots of people and a massive burly security guard.
I approached with my camera in hand.
The music was pumping and I couldn't really hear anything except for the blood and nerves pumping through my head.
I shouted through the noise.
Do you think you can take my picture?
He shouted back.
What?
I shouted again and again.
He said what?
Everyone was staring at me, and I started to feel myself burning up.
A security guard put his hand on my shoulder to push me away, and I felt that surely I had to give up.
Suddenly, Brad Pitt stood up, took the guard's hand off my shoulder, and looked me square in the face.
He smiled at me and asked, What do you want?
That's how Brad Pitt speaks.
Yes, it is.
looked through the viewfinder, told me and Paul to go back a little, left a little, hold it, and click!
We walked away happy that the ordeal was over, and we noticed the whole camera crew laughing and applauding our stupidity.
Paul also later got Catherine McCormack to take a picture of him, but I'd completely lost my bottle by then.
That's quite good though, isn't it?
And he sent us a picture of... I've got the photo here up on my computer screen.
It obviously doesn't include Brad Pitt.
No, because he's taking it.
But it's... Well, so he says... Come on, why would he make that whole thing up?
Our listeners, some of them are mental.
No, I'm sure that's taken by Brad Pitt.
And, you know, in case there's any doubt, the photo file is titled, Brad Pitt took this!
Exclamation mark.
That proves it.
But if we were running a magazine and say you thought this was a good idea for a strand in the letters page... No, it wouldn't be, would it?
No, because how would you possibly prove it?
That's true, isn't it?
But it's a good story.
It's a good story.
I mean, it's a good story because I believe every word of it.
Yes, you're a gullible chap.
Come on.
But no, I do believe it's taken by Brad Pitt.
Do I?
Yeah.
Well, I tell you why, because the look on the chap's face on the right is the look of a man who is being looked at by Brad Pitt.
Yeah.
You know, I think I get on well with Brad Pitt.
Joe Cornish.
I think we get on well.
I was watching the making of Benjamin Button on the Benjamin Button disc.
It's got a very good making of... Probably the best bit in it.
Yeah, it's a slightly pretentious film.
Just put it mildly.
But the making of is fascinating and yeah, Bret Pitt sounds very down-to-earth, very cynical.
And I think I would just really hit it off with it.
Cynical in what way?
Just like me.
Just, you know, just no pretensions.
He doesn't think he's good looking, even though everyone else thinks he is good looking.
Just like you.
Like me.
He's just very real.
He wears similar heights.
I just think we've got the same gritty outlook on life.
True.
And I think Brad and I, you know, I think Brad's missing a trick by not getting in touch with me and hanging out because I think things would improve for him.
Does he have any Brit friends, Brad Pitt?
Yeah, lots.
He's got all the snatch lot.
No, of course, Guy Ritchie and all that lot.
He's got lots.
He's an Anglophile.
Well, he likes me because I'm particularly down to earth.
No, he's not going to like you if he hangs out with Guy Ritchie.
He won't be able to see you.
He would like me because I've got a... He'll keep tripping over you.
No, no, he would like me because I'm much more like the snatch guys than you are.
I'm very... You think?
Yeah, I'm frightening.
You're a boring stent.
I'm very hard.
And you're a weed, though.
What's he going to have in common with you?
Well, he knows that I'm tough inside.
No.
That when you push me, I just snap and get... I go butt wild on your ass.
Brad knows that so that's good news anyway um that I'm his favorite yeah thanks for the message though Geraint and the picture there that was yeah fantastic we're gonna put the picture on our blog okay and you can check it out don't forget we have a new blog and it's very exciting the address is bbc.co.uk forward slash blogs forward slash Adam and Joe there's loads of stuff on there so check
Yeah, check that out and explore it.
You can leave messages for us as well.
The phone number's on the blog.
There's a weird phone number for you to call and leave.
We're anti-verbal messages.
We might play some of those next week.
We've been so busy.
Everyone's gearing up for Glastonbury here at Six Music, so the pressure's on.
But we might try and find some of those messages and play them next week.
Here's Laura Veers right now with Salt Breakers.
This is for Brad.
That's Laura Veers.
She hangs out with skiers with salt breakers.
What?
That's her little rhyme.
Like skiers.
Skiers.
People who ski.
Yeah, skiers.
Skiers.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC 6 Music on a Saturday morning in the last 42 minutes of our programme.
Sun's coming out.
I've just got a bit of advice for some people in the BBC, some of our fellow big British castle dwellers.
It was the last episode of Points of View this week.
Oh really?
Do you ever watch Points of View?
No, who's hosting it these days?
Jeremy Vine.
Vine.
It used to be, I think I'm right in saying it's Vine, aren't I James?
Used to be Ann Robinson.
It was Wogan for a bit.
Then it was one of the, was it Paul Heaney?
Points of view that it's important for every television channel to have a show in which the listeners can get, you know, have their say.
Barry Took was the king, wasn't he?
Was he?
Back in the day.
But isn't it important for there to be a forum within a channel where viewers can have their say and get a sense of feedback?
They've got to have their right to reply.
Especially for the BBC.
In this day and age there's been a lot of scrutiny of the BBC and its values and all that kind of business.
So in a way, Points of View is a very important programme because it should seriously reflect that listener's points of view are being taken seriously.
And you would have thought that would be reflected in the theme music.
Wouldn't you?
Yeah, I have no idea what the theme music is.
Well, this is the theme music that the BBC have decided to use for points of view and they have kind of improved the rest of the show.
In the old days, the host used, the letters used to be read out by sort of comedy voices, do you remember?
Yeah.
And it was just a tiny bit dismissive and making light of people's complaints.
And I think they changed that.
It's now presented by Jeremy Vine.
And in the old days, it was in a sort of front room, a cozy sort of front room with some flowers.
Now it's in a sort of, he's leaning on a control desk.
It's as if it's more serious and like the news and as if your complaints are really getting to a place that matters.
But they've made all those improvements.
The control desk.
but they're still using a theme tune that maybe doesn't reflect the necessary respect for their listeners.
Because I would imagine it would be something like the news, you know?
Yes, serious and important.
Yeah, like a current affair.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, no, this is the theme tune they use.
You made that up.
No, that's the real theme music.
I had to edit it a bit there because the iPlayer kept stalling.
Ah, it does that.
Is that really the theme music?
That's the theme music.
Let's have it again.
The BBC has been in some quite serious trouble in the last year or so and that's just a tip to my colleagues in the castle.
You might want to change that
Who made that?
I mean, whoever done that is a jingle genius for a star.
Yeah, it's good music, but maybe on the wrong show.
On the wrong show.
See, that would be good theme music for our show.
It would.
Well, maybe we should sing over it or do an extended mix of it.
We should do a jingle for... We should do a new piece of theme music for their show.
We should sing them the Black Squadron music or something.
I'll try and think of some new music for their show, right?
They can have that, and we can use Blah Booby-Dee-Biley.
We need to find out who composed that.
Who composed Bla Boobity Blaya?
I'd love to go to a live concert by then.
I wonder what the album's like.
For their encore they'd come out and they'd do that four more times.
Anyway, message to Vine there and... Play Bla Boobity Blaya!
Let's keep an eye on the next series of points of view and see whether they stick with that music.
I'm sick of playing Blar Boobity Buyer.
It's all anyone asks for.
We're reforming the band.
We're going to have to play Blar Boobity Buyer again.
Here's a free play.
Because I was feeling a little bit melancholy yesterday about acting like an idiot hole, I tried to pick some calming music to play today.
And this is just one of the loveliest songs ever written, I think, by Van Morrison, and it's called Into the Mystic.
Check out the bass in here as well.
I mean, there's just a really, all the instrumentation here is so, like, everything does its job in such a succinct way.
The horns, the bass, and Van Morrison's voice, of course, is so extraordinary and it's such a lovely tune.
Hope you like it.
This is Into the Mystic.
That's from the album Moon Dance, of course.
The first time I heard that song, I was uncomfortable with the line, I'm gonna rock your gypsy soul.
The first time you heard that song was when I bought a cassette of it when we were interailing.
What's the port that everyone... Patrasce.
Patrasce, the port where you get the ferries from.
I bought a little cassette of it in a shop in Patrasce.
I had Astral Weeks and you had Moondons.
Yeah, and there were no seats in the ferry, so we lay on the... Prow is that the front?
Cuddled.
And cuddled.
I had Astral Weeks and you had Moondons.
We were both freaks, playing with each other's pants.
On the prow of the bow to Patras, patting my face and patting your ass.
Is Pat based on anything that song?
That's the song that we sang.
Is it?
Don't you remember?
No, I've slept with so many men since, it's just a big hairy blur.
The stinky hairy blur.
That's what Graham Coxen calls himself.
Yes.
No, he's not.
Listen, let's have some text the nations.
That was the Geordie Texas Nation jingle created by Steve... Cody?
Cody, those aren't Ds James.
A D has a straight line, it's not just a circle.
Okay, this week we're talking about altercations that have escalated out of control and left you feeling that you've gone too far.
So you started out in the right perhaps, but you overreacted and ended up in the wrong.
Mishandling.
Here is one from an anonymous person.
Ooh, I've just spotted it's got a rude word in it, but yet it's been ticked by our vetting society.
Excellent.
responsibility abdicated here we go James look that's too rude isn't it look which one what does it begin with
Uh, a T and ends in the word storm.
It's not, it's a sort of made up one.
Anyway, oh yeah, I'm going to read it, but I'll avoid the bad word.
Train ticket went out of zone.
Okay, this is a kind of, who's approved this to be read?
I'm going to skip past it.
It's not even written in proper English.
Train ticket went out of zone and didn't realise in rush hour and announced to the guard that... That's text speak though, isn't it?
Someone's in trouble.
Charlotte Guzzan.
made no sense.
Okay, here's a good one.
This is from John in Hounslow.
Yeah, did you listen to that one?
No.
Adam was just reading the other one with the rude word in it while I read that one and I knew when I finished there would be no response because he wasn't concentrating.
There's so many schoolboy errors going on in this studio.
I just went, oh dear.
Oh dear.
That was the right response though, wasn't it?
Oh bad luck mister.
Next please.
Oh dear.
Bad luck mister.
Sorry mate, what was that?
So here's another one from Chris.
So just yesterday I confronted a student outside my local school who dropped a drinks can.
Okay, we can identify with this.
Casual littering.
I asked him quite nicely to put it in the nearby bin.
But he asked, why?
Stumped.
I said, because his mum didn't work there.
Brackets in the street and wouldn't be along to clean up after him.
Right, exposing him for being infantile.
Tiny bup.
Annoyingly he pointed out that she did however pay her taxes.
Angry now, I picked up the can myself and said quite aggressively that everyone thinks he's useless.
Not so bad, you might think, except that I am in fact a teacher at his school.
I feel ashamed, Tar-Chris.
Everyone thinks you're useless, but sir.
That's not what you want from your teacher, isn't it?
Listen, I'm going to propose we curtail this Texanation, and I'm going to vet them properly, and we're going to do another lot before noon.
We'll wrap it up in the next half hour, but now it's gone 11.30 and it's time for the news.
Do you know what?
I think we could play nothing but 80's synth records for the whole show.
And lots of younger people probably wouldn't know the difference.
They probably like it.
They probably like it a lot.
We could make it a specialised music show.
Yes.
But then what about the people that don't like that kind of music?
Well, they're not really au courant.
So they should be punished.
Les.
Ostracized.
We should punish them.
Punish them.
If they're not with it, they will be without it.
Yes.
That's a good idea.
Can we do that, James?
We played just 80 synth music.
Well, all our free plays could be 80 synth music.
Should we do that next week?
Yeah.
I'm convinced that Yazoo were the kind of year zero that all these bands are trying to copy.
Well, their name sounds very similar to year zero.
Yes.
Yazoo.
You know, I think that's the key record.
I think Don't Go is the key record.
I think if someone were to write that now and release it, it would just be so super hot.
That's very good, isn't it?
No one's dead to cover it because it's too good.
Well, they re-release it every now and then, don't they?
They mess around with the beat, but the original beat... It's a great record.
That's in that one, isn't it?
Yeah.
He's a genius, Vince Clark.
We haven't had any pop-propriation for a couple of weeks.
Pop-propriation is what we call it when people send in their songs that they customize to fit in with it.
Well, we've got a jingle that explains it.
Here it is.
I like to change the lyrics of songs from time to time To make them refer to things I do I call it population and as far as I'm aware it isn't a crime I wonder if it's something you do too
Listen, you know what I was just saying about Yazoo being the year zero synth pop record?
Scrap it.
Because that's it right there.
Flip the script.
That's the year zero record.
The pop procreation jingle.
By Vince Buxton.
Here's a message from Graham McCary.
He says... Hey, hang on a second.
We've got a music bed going on here.
This is disconcerting.
I know, it's professional, isn't it?
It's faded out now anyway.
Thank God for that.
He says... When standing listlessly at the printer, my eye is often drawn to the screen that shows the status of the toner cartridges.
They are labelled CMYK.
Do you know what that stands for?
Do you know what?
I wasn't listening.
Oh, you're getting me back from that for that last textination.
It was a coincidence.
CMYK on a printer.
No, I don't.
Cyan, magenta, yellow, cork and
What is K?
Oh, Black is for K, right?
But I don't know why K is... anyway.
He says, this invariably makes me sing to the tune of YMCA by the village people.
C-M-Y-K, you fill your printer with C-M-Y-K.
Thank you and goodbye, Graham McCarry.
Thank you and goodbye.
Goodbye, thank you, bye.
V3PO, exactly.
This is a nice one from Paul.
He says, hey Adam and Jo, just a quick note with a particularly romantic piece of propropriation.
I can't even say the name of our feature.
My new, you came up with that name, didn't you?
Nah, listener.
Is that a listener?
My new wife and I had fun singing this on our wedding a couple of weeks ago, after our wedding a couple of weeks ago, all the way up on the M6, on the way to our honeymoon haven in Keswick.
We sang to the tune of kids TV classic Button Moon.
We're off on honeymoon, we're Mr. and Mrs. Broom, Mr. Broom.
Mrs Broom.
Is there a better way to start a happy marriage together, he says?
I think probably not, smiley emoticon.
We're like the new Peter Davidson and Sandra Dickinson.
Only hopefully without the eventual divorce.
Love the show, take care Paul.
That's nice, don't you think?
That's very nice.
Yeah, it's nice.
And maybe a bit too nice.
Is it?
There's something sinister about it.
Do you think their marriage is going to last?
I think there's a carcass in the boot.
You reckon?
Yeah.
And some tools for killing.
I didn't like that show though, Button Moon was not one of my things.
What's wrong with Button Moon?
I didn't like it.
Why not?
You don't like anthropomorphised wooden spoons?
I was excited by the fact that it was space, right?
Yes, well it is space and they get in a rocket.
Yeah, but it's like...
It's made with a dishwasher fluid bottle.
No, it is.
Little Tommy had to wait ages for Mum to use all that stuff.
It's undeniably a charming show for toddlers, but maybe I was the wrong age.
It just made me... How old were you?
In your 20s.
I was in my 20s and I wanted some lasers.
Killing and you know, mr. Well, I'm sure they'll remake it Michael Bay still gonna do the button moon movie do a really violent one Yeah, it's gonna be great.
It's gonna be awful really horrible.
Really really disgusting.
It's actually gasper.
No, he's doing it Is it is Takashi Mika doing he's teaming up with Ruhei Kitamura
Minnie Jones is going to be Mr. Spoon.
Yeah.
Here's another one from Craig Allen.
Again, printer-based.
Or, no, computer-based.
Here's some appropriation for graphic designers and photoshoppers.
As a designer myself, I occasionally need to tone down the colours in an image.
For this, I use a function called Hue Saturation.
Hue forward slash saturation, which I can't open without singing to the tune of the Sade classic, Hue Saturation.
Pure saturation.
That's good because it's unexpected.
Right.
That's good.
Smooth operator, of course that was.
Cheers Craig Allen.
Thanks Craig.
And here's one final one for pop appropriation this week.
This is from Aaron Glass or Glass.
Hi chaps, I'm about three weeks behind on my podcasts but I just thought that I'd write to you regarding singing songs to illustrate everyday things.
I'm a vegan and don't drink moo milk
But there are various alternatives, all of which are a bit odd, usually made from soya, rice or oats.
One brand of rice milk, which I have tried and there are many other brands, a few times is called Rice Dream.
I have this myself, incidentally.
It's very tasty, although, of course, there are other milk alternatives.
Whenever I, are you having fun?
Whenever I fetch it from my fridge, I can't help singing Rice Dream, Rice Dream.
to the tune of the Radiohead song Nice Dream.
Okay, that's just two notes.
Yeah, but it's like... Doesn't sound like a very good song, is it?
It's a brilliant song!
Doing my best impression on yours.
The melody's not that unique.
Beautiful tortured draw.
I'm sorry I read that last one out.
I mean, you gave me a hard time right the way through.
It's good, I'm just dissing Radiohead.
It's fresh, no one does it.
It's fresh and interesting.
It's true, it's a fresh angle on the whole thing, isn't it?
We found a weak chink in Radiohead's armour.
A melody that goes... That's a brilliant song!
I'm not doing it justice.
Obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously.
But it's just fresh and exciting.
Yeah.
This little electric crackle.
They're dissing Radiohead.
No one disses Radiohead.
It's good for Radiohead.
They're going, oh, oh, I haven't felt that sensation for years.
We should pull our socks up.
Yeah.
Here's the clash.
Very good, well done.
That was The Clash with White Man and Hammersmith Pallet.
It's time to wrap up Text-o-Nation right now, and here's the jingle!
Text-o-Nation!
Text!
Text!
Text!
Text-o-Nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-o-Nation!
It doesn't matter!
Text!
A lady called Karen has been persistently texting us saying that she popropriates the text the nation jingle and changes the theme to the subject of loving with her husband.
But what if I don't want to?
It doesn't matter.
Anyway, you get the idea.
I just thought I'd say it because every week she texts it in.
It makes us chuckle.
It's impressive.
We like it.
Anyway, Text the Nation this week is all about confrontations you've had with people and you've been in the right, but you've overreacted to such an extent that you've ended up feeling in the wrong.
Yeah?
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Basically, we sculpt the description of it over three hours and only at the end of the show.
Do we get it right?
Yeah, but there's retro textination in the podcast.
Oh, that's right.
Free them for further smoothing and sculpting.
Okay, here's one from Phil in Leeds.
I've been having problems with teenage youths kicking a ball against my fence.
They're not even playing football, they're just using it as a place to gather and probably drink.
I've asked a number of times for them to stop and I've just received abuse such as, you bleeping old man, which really depresses me as I'm only 36.
So when I saw a ball come over the fence last week I ran out and stuck a screwdriver through the ball and threw it back over the fence only to hear a very small child crying.
When I looked over said fence there was a group of four six to seven year olds looking shell shocked.
and my neighbour's boy holding a flat ball and in tears.
The screwdriver, I mean, that's a very aggressive sort of tool.
It's just a nasty image, isn't it?
The shank.
It's like he's gone out there and he's stabbing it repeatedly.
You've got to be careful with even holding something like that in a situation like this.
He's run from Ross in Paris.
Ross Perkin, he says, when cycling in Italy, I got very angry with a bus driver that nearly smashed me off the road.
Later, I saw the bus at the lights and decided to give that driver a piece of my mind.
After some swear miming and serious head shaking, I mistakenly used the, I'm going to slit your throat gesture.
Meaning it as you could have killed me.
The driver got very irate.
He rolled up his sleeves, left his tourist-filled bus to chase me down the road.
Luckily I managed to pedal off hastily enough to safety.
He was massive.
Oh no.
Accidental I'm gonna kill you gesture.
That's not what you want.
That's not what you want.
That's really overreacting to it.
No one likes being hit by pizza though, especially if it's not cooked.
Yes.
Okay, one more Justin.
I pulled into a busy petrol station.
I pulled into a position where I was sort of waiting in one line, but was covering my options to move into the next lane if the car there went off quicker.
However, someone in a big black Mercedes pulled into this other lane in front of me.
I went ballistic, beeping and doing the fist up and down sign.
What, the classic Beno?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll get you!
The Paddington Bear, Mr Curry.
That's right, yeah.
Yeah.
He got out of his car, I got out of mine, thinking this was about to turn into a full petrol station forecourt rage incident.
Just then he said, oh sorry, I didn't realise you were waiting for this lane.
Do you want me to move?
No, sorry, that's all right.
I'll just wait for this one.
Sorry about that.
I've had a bad day.
Replied Justin.
That's a happy ending.
That's probably enough, isn't it?
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
We'll read more out, as we said, in next week's podcast for Retro Text the Nation.
Yeah.
Don't forget you can download our podcast on a Monday evening, usually.
It's free.
You can get it off iTunes and from the BBC's own website.
This is from Prince's album Purple Rain.
Have you ever heard of that album Adam?
It's a good film that goes with it.
No.
Well, get a listen to this.
This is Take Me With You.
Get a listen to this.
We're having to fade out of this a bit early because we're reaching the edge of our allotment where we grow our little veggies and this Kershaw is taking over in approximately four minutes but thank you very much to everybody for listening and everyone who's emailed and texted.
You can listen again to this show if you want to via the BBC's iPlayer or you can download the highlights in podcast form on about Monday at five.
Don't forget to check out our blog on the Six Music website.
Leave a stupid message on our phone line
or, you know, I don't know, interact with us in some way.
And don't forget, try and, you know, go to the website for more details about being our guest at this year's Glastonbury.
You can win those tickets by answering some very simple questions.
But that's it for us.
Have a very good week.
Yeah, we'll be back at the same time next Saturday 9 till noon on 6 Music.
Take care, love you, bye!