The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam And Joe (25 April 2009)

It's a kind of music test of fuel in London Town With a lot of weirdos and unsavory types of grinding rights

Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the Square Prince power

Good morning Black Squadron, this is Adam Buxton speaking.

Hey, this is Joe Cornish and we're joining you this morning live from Camden Town.

Isn't that correct?

That is in fact correct.

We are here as part of the Camden Crawl, which Six Music is organising.

Here it's very exciting.

It's a two day festival in London Town and it's got bands.

The Yeah Yeah Years were playing last night.

We introduced Madness, playing on the top deck of a bus.

The Fall are playing tonight.

All kinds of good things going on.

We're not going to see any of the actual music because we're too old.

And there's an alarm that goes off if you're too old into some of the venues.

Only Steve LaMac has the ability to bypass the alarm.

But we're not allowed in, which is unfortunate.

That's not true, of course.

Camden Crawl is open and welcoming to everybody.

Welcoming, welcoming, welcoming.

We're joined here, though, in our makeshift studio, which is in a sort of a... What is it?

A sort of a shed-stroke, barn-stroke... It's a bar, Joe.

A bar?

A bar.

I remember bars.

It's in a bar.

We're in a bar in Camden and we're joined by 20 elite listeners.

All members of Black Squadron by default because they are here.

You know, just to remind you that if you're listening now, you are part of Black Squadron.

Black Squadron are the people that listen to this programme for the first half hour live as it goes out.

The people that tune in from nine o'clock until nine thirty in the morning on a Saturday, right?

Not listening again.

You're not part of Black Squadron if you're listening again, not downloading the podcast, but actually listening live.

So we've got Squadron, 20 Squadron members here.

We're very excited to have them.

Clean cut, young men and women.

They're all staring at us at the moment.

Every single pair of eyes, 40 pair of eyes staring at us.

What do you think of Squadron Joe?

I think they're magnificent.

They're a beautiful sight.

They're so powerful.

attractive, intelligent, they make a high-pitched ultrasonic squealing sound when you bake them.

Just to prove that we're live there, because we've got the playback going in the market bar here where we are, but that was a little bit too much playback and it caused the feedback.

Here's a letter from Nick, a letter, an email, that's what it is.

He says, and still there's a few people out there who are confused about whether they are or are not part of Black Squadron,

He says that he's one of the people that has to download the show.

He catches it via iPlayer because he's not able to listen live on a Saturday morning.

He's not part of Black Squadron.

You are not part of Black Squadron.

I was thinking that we should create a new squadron for the people that listen via iPlayer, right?

via iaplay.

Well hang on, we've discussed various squadrons in the past, we've discussed Black Squadron, there's been mention of Phantom Squadron, there's also been mention of Slack Squadron, hasn't there?

Now my understanding is Black Squadron Listen Live in the UK and Ireland, Phantom Squadron Listen Live via Listen Again, Slack Squadron Listen Live via the podcast,

And I thought of a new squadron who are called Globes Squadron, who listen live in a foreign time zone.

And have large breasts.

Possibly, but that would then rule out men.

Not my kind of men.

Okay then, fair enough.

So those are the squadrons, right?

Are they not going to be upset by that?

I was thinking Digiforce for the people that listen via the iPlayer.

Well, I guess there could be subsets and different names.

Yeah, because Black Squadron covertly operate as the 9 o'clock club.

That's true, you know, just to fool certain people into thinking they're like a little kiddie club.

Whereas actually, they're an elite listening force!

We had a member of black squadron doing some amazing work has Joe's been issuing commands for black squadron in previous shows And this from Nick is one of those he says in response to a call to action We have initiated a search and destroy tactic on all the offending media He's talking about the photographs of us me and Joe that were in the Guardian magazine a few weeks back Hmm and Joe was particularly upset by the unflattering nature of the squadron to destroy

Destroy the Guardian, and Nick's daughter, what's her name?

Kia.

She sent in, or they both sent in, some fantastic photos of Kia putting the Guardian weekend magazine in a blender.

Not the whole magazine, because it's a fab magazine, yeah.

You wouldn't want to destroy the whole mag.

Quite right.

All they did was destroy the actual pictures of us.

Yeah, we're going to... Greasy and spotty and old.

We're going to put those pictures of the pictures being blending up on the blog, the website.

So thanks very much, Nick, and thank you to Kia.

We're going to maybe get some suggestions for Commands for Black Squadron after this next track, but this is dedicated to Kia.

Thank you very much.

It's The Flaming Lips with Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, or whatever the heck it's called.

Here it is.

Excuse me, sorry about that.

What a frightful stench.

What an absolute stench.

That was the Flaming Lips with Yoshimi Battles of Pink Robots.

This is Adam and Joe here, coming live from the Camden Crawl.

We're in a room.

It's got people in it, young people, good-looking young men and women.

You know, if there was a cataclysm outside this room, Joe, we think this would be a good start point to repopulate the planet.

Absolutely.

We could make a very good-looking race of people.

Some of the best DNA in the country is right here.

Yeah.

I'm not even gonna think about that prospect any any longer.

Are you bought it up?

I know I did.

I'm sorry about that.

I took it into a dirty area So listen, you are all members of black squadron not only here in the market bar in Camden But also listening at home and we have some commands for you who are they've been selected by Elite black squadron members here the commands aren't people are they not?

Yeah, you refer to them.

You said who are

Right, that's true, I did still pick you up on that.

But they're good commands, they've been thought up by the Elite Black Squadron conference that's happening here.

And there's three there for you to choose from, Adam, what do you reckon?

First command, shall I say them?

I think you should just choose one and read out the one that you pick.

Hmm.

Well, there's an obvious one staring at me.

Do it.

Take off all your clothes.

That's the Black Squadron command this morning.

What about the squadron members who are here with us, though?

Uh, they are exempt, I think.

It's too early in the show.

Can they take off some of their clothes?

If they want to.

They're exempt, you know?

This is like the G20 conference.

They don't have to abide by the same rules as the populace.

Otherwise, this is the kind of thing that Russell Brand used to do, isn't it?

I know, and we can't get into that area.

We'll only become amazingly successful, and that will be awful.

So there you go.

That was suggested by Laura, a squadron member here in Camden.

Take off all your clothes, Black Squadron.

Let us know how it goes for you.

Don't break any laws.

Yeah, what happens if there's a family listening, for instance?

Or, you know, it's a difficult command.

It is a tough one, isn't it?

Maybe I should have gone for a less controversial one.

Well, no, I think it's really going to sort the... But it should be controversial to take off all your clothes.

Why not?

It's a natural state, right?

Right.

Even though it's illegal.

It's really going to sort the wheat out from the chaff though, isn't it?

This week's Black Squadron command.

Send us some pictures.

We'd love to see how it goes.

But that's your Command Black Squadron.

Right now it's time to play some more fantastic music.

And this is CSS with Let's Make Love and Listen to Death from Above.

That was CSS with let's make love and listen to death from above.

This is Adam and Joe here at the Camden Crawl.

We're coming live.

There we go.

Suddenly it just popped into my headphones.

I don't know if you could hear me speaking at home there, listeners, but I didn't hear anything in my headphones and I was a little perturbed for a second, but it's all fine.

It's all fine.

Calm down.

Do you answer me this, right?

Adam Buckson and listeners at home.

Do you care that the right side of your headphones is on your right ear?

Yeah, definitely.

Before you put them on, you check for the little R and L. Always check.

Yeah, I do as well.

Do you think it matters?

Very much so.

What happens if you listen for a sustained period with them the wrong way round?

Well, the two hemispheres of your brain become inverted.

Right, you get synaptic disconnections.

Shut down, synaptic shutdown.

Yeah, global, lobal...

Yeah.

Conflict.

Global conflict.

Yeah.

Global ballistic conflict.

It's very dangerous.

And the thing that annoys me is, you know, there's usually on these big chunky headphones that we're wearing, right?

The cord comes out of one side.

Yeah.

Doesn't come out of both of them.

As it does on smaller ones, right?

Right, fun.

This is a good conversation to chat, isn't it?

But sometimes it comes out of the left side, I think it should always come out of one side, because sometimes you think there should be an international standard for headphone cables.

And all headphones should have a very large white L or an R. I didn't realise I was going to spark such a rant.

It's something I care very deeply about.

Clearly.

But listen, we are coming live from Camden.

Of course, listeners, if you can hear a peculiar acoustic, it's the sound of a beautiful but slightly stinky bar here in Camden filled with 20 elite Black Squadron listeners.

It's like a kind of barn.

It's a bit like in Witness when the Amish people erect a barn.

Do you remember?

Yes.

Well, in this case, it was just a load of drunk people in Camden who erected a beautiful barn.

Well, they've done very well.

And we're sat in it.

But a few moments ago, we issued a command to Black Squadron, which was, take off all your clothes.

And we've been thinking about this and thinking it might be a difficult command for some Squadron members to execute.

Well, there's a lot of families listening, aren't there?

Now, luckily, we didn't think of the command.

No.

We asked our elite Squadron members to think of some suggestions.

And that one was generated by Laura, who I believe we have a roving mic.

pointed at.

Hello Laura.

Hi.

How are you doing?

So listen, you issued this command and we're abdicating responsibility and in a cowardly way throwing the spotlight of public hubris.

Yeah, is there a spotlight of public hubris?

There is now.

Yeah, well it's shining on you.

What should people do, for instance, if they're in a family scenario or maybe on public transport at the moment?

Just go with it, I think.

Really?

I mean, like you said earlier, there should be no problem with just taking your clothes off.

Right.

It's illegal.

Is that a problem?

That's a problem, isn't it?

It's indecency in public from a legal perspective.

But you can find objects that you can place in front of... Ah, lost in powers.

Good thinking, right.

That is good thinking.

So family members just need to get creative with the command.

The thing is, Laura, that only works from a single point of view, doesn't it?

Yeah.

So if you move round... Well, what if you're being looked at, you know, the person to your right might not be able to seal bits and bobs because of a coffee cup, but the person to your left could have a clear view of the bobs and bits.

Or bobs bits.

Are you more worried about the bobs than the bits?

I don't know, it's the combination.

Well, I would say try to shadow the areas.

Yes.

I would say try two shadowy areas.

That's the perfect answer.

Say no more.

Yeah, but it kind of counteracts the point of taking your clothes off, doesn't it?

Take your clothes off, then hide in shadowy areas.

It's the shadowy areas you're trying to hide in the first place.

Listen, Laura, thank you very much, though.

We leave it up to families to interpret the command in a decent way themselves.

We don't want to cause any risks.

How about this?

Families should put extra clothes on.

How about that?

Yeah.

That's great.

That solves all the problems.

All problems solved.

Now I've got my free play right now to take us into the news.

This is a track that I stuck on a compilation for A Card Journey this week.

It went down very well.

Did it?

Very well.

With The Wife and Kiddles.

Yeah.

Neil Diamond with a very moving and wonderful song about a man called Mr. Bojangles.

No, no, wait.

I said the wrong one, didn't I, Ben?

Or can you flip to the... Okay.

Right, we're going into this one.

After that introduction as well.

Luckily this... Is it not Mr. Bojangles?

It's not Mr. Bojangles, no.

Luckily this track's got a one minute long preamble before it actually gets into the body of the song.

Oh, that's lucky.

So I can fill by telling you that this is a track by Howard Devoto, lead singer of magazine from his solo album Jerky Versions of the Dream, one of my favourite solo albums.

And this is a track that my mum enjoys very much, you know?

She's a big fan of magazine, obviously, and she likes this one which is called Rainy Season.

Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bargain mark

Just signing out Black Squadron there.

You can relax Black Squadron.

Yeah, you can put your clothes on or take the surplus clothes off now.

All right.

And just to remind you, this is Adam and Joe here at the Camden Crawl and we're in the market bar in Camden Town having a good time.

We're joined by around about 20 of our listeners, 20 Black Squadron members.

We should try and get them to make some kind of collective sound so listeners at home can envisage them.

So I wonder what they would reply with.

If I said, Stephen, there you go, you see.

Yeah, come on.

That's good.

We're going to be talking about Stephen a bit later on, because there's a certain amount of antipathy controversy, whatever you want to call it about Stephen.

And we'd very much like to canvas the mood here in the Camden crawl bar area.

We'll do that later on.

But right now I want to talk about something that catch up on something we were talking about last week.

Someone sent us an email.

It was Tom in Clapham and also Patrick Boyle, I think.

He says, in response to the lock the taskbar thing that we were talking about, we were talking about things last week that make your life more entertaining that you do on your own.

And someone was saying that when they see the command lock the taskbar on their computer, they sing to the tune of the Clash song, Rock the Casbar.

Lock the taskbar, lock the taskbar.

So, Tom and Clapham and Patrick say that we are often sing, crossing the road, crossing the road, to the tune of the Judas Priest song, Breaking the Law, whenever they're crossing the road.

Crossing the road, crossing the road, eh, eh, crossing the road, crossing the road.

Wow.

So we...

Well, that was genuine awe.

That's what I say when I'm genuinely awed.

And they also sing, when they're cooking with meat, like chicken for example, or bacon, they sing, It's chicken for me, save all your chicken for me.

Bye-bye, bacon, bye-bye.

Wow.

Yeah?

Are they locked away in any sense?

That's good, though, isn't it?

I mean, don't you sing... Are we maybe looking for other contemporary songs or pop songs that could be applied to everyday tasks?

Well... No.

We're not looking for that.

I'm curious about other songs that people do sing like as a matter of course.

Do you not do that at all?

I just have to have a think.

I'm not sure that I do.

I'd have to have a proper old think.

Chicken for me.

Save all your chicken for me.

No, I'm definitely not going to sing that one.

Bye, bye, bacon.

Bye, bye.

Just before you pop it in your tummy.

It's a good song.

I did a little jingle about... Do you remember I was talking about my fish fingers last week?

When I run out of fish fingers, I sing a little song to myself sometimes.

Yeah.

Don't say it.

My stomach's making peculiar noises, yeah.

But keep talking.

Okay, well, I've done a little jingle to celebrate the fact.

Oh, good one.

Here it is.

Oh no, we've got no fish fingers.

No fish fingers in the fridge or the freezer drawer.

Damn it!

I was sure that we had loads of golden fingers.

But it appears that I was wrong and there ain't no more.

Fish fingers!

So what, that you would sing that out loud without the musical accompaniment around the house?

Yeah, I would, yeah.

Yeah.

That's good though.

Only if there's no fish fingers.

I don't just randomly sing it.

I'm not insane.

It's sort of like living with Jack Nicholson out of The Shining.

But a musical version.

Yeah, it's like living with Jack Nicholson out of The Shining.

If he's found out, he's got no fish fingers.

Which would legitimately cause him to go on a killing rampage.

Anyway, we're going to play some music for you right now.

We've got Polly Scattergood coming up.

This track, she's from Colchester in Essex.

She attended the Brit school.

She's a graduate.

The Brits is where all the stars come from now.

A lot of them do.

The Noisettes, don't they?

I think one of them or two of them.

I think all of them do.

All of them.

Her track is called Please Don't Touch.

presumably a follow-up to tidy up your room and stay off the grass.

Very good.

That was Polly's Scattergood there with Please Don't Touch.

This is Adam and Joe here.

We're coming live from the Camden Crawl.

And yesterday, we made a little trip into Camden just to check out the vibes, yeah?

Yeah, Camden is an area of London that's famous for gigs and getting drunk.

Very good.

Is that correct?

Yeah, I've got some facts about Camden.

Really?

Yeah, there's a lock there.

This is for people who maybe have never been to Camden or don't know what it is What kind of locks you unlock?

No, it's just It's just a normal kind of a lock Since the dawn of time witches and warlocks have sold trinkets to teenagers at Camden

And you can find all sorts of famous people in Camden.

Well, you know, that's how Camden got its name.

Is it?

Originally in Dickensian times it was there was a fellow who was known as Camp Den and he had like a shop where he sold Dickensian t-shirts.

Did he?

Yeah, some of the ones the most popular ones were the slogans included You're taking the peeps

Nice.

And Fogging Hell, it's another piece super.

Right.

That was a big seller back in Camp Den.

Yeah.

Are you enjoying these?

Yes.

There was a very controversial t-shirt they used to sell.

It had ripped sleeves and the slogan was

That's the last time I lent Jack my t-shirt.

Jack the Ripper?

Yep, got that one.

I'm on that one.

Because it was in bad taste, right?

Yes.

And that's provocative t-shirts.

It was very provocative.

The kids love that.

And they shut Camp Den down.

Did they?

For a while.

And the other reason he was known as Camp Den was because he always had a fruity response when people came into the shop, you know?

Yeah.

Come into the shop.

That's very pretty.

You're welcome in.

No wonder he was called Camp Dan.

Exactly.

Because he always said things that had a slight double entendre.

Have a look at all the stuff!

Oh, that's filthy.

Filthy, absolutely filthy stuff.

And that's why Camden is known as Camden, thanks to Camp Den.

Oh, thanks to Adam Buxton for that historical info.

But are we going to play the listeners the little thing we recorded yesterday?

We're going to play another track and then we're going to play it.

But we should set the scene for them.

We went wandering around and we felt that we were not correctly dressed, really.

You look like Brian Ferry yesterday.

I made some bad clothing choices and we had to rectify that at the last minute.

You looked like such a smoothie.

I mean, you looked handsome.

My mum would have been very attracted to you.

I knew as I left the house that I'd chosen the wrong clothes for a Friday in Camden.

I had a sort of quite nicely pressed shirt and then some quite clean jeans and then some sunglasses.

Some very tasteful Ray-Bats.

Yeah, and I just look like some kind of awful yuppie.

Oh, and I think you look like a nice yuppie.

Thank you.

Anyway, we're going to play you the fruits of our foray into Camden after this next track, which is The Police.

And I used to get very embarrassed when this track came on the radio.

Because it's about prostitution.

Exactly.

And when it would come on and my family was there, I would try and talk loudly over it because I wouldn't want them to think that I was listening to a track about prostitution.

God forbid.

And now look at you.

Now look at me.

What does that mean?

You can't stop using prostitutes.

Funny how the world turns.

Here are the police.

So, listeners, here we are at Camden in the midst of the Camden crawl, but as we might have already mentioned, I've really misjudged my sartorial choices for today.

I'd look like a kind of a banker who's having a day off.

I look quintessentially touristy because I've arrived on my bike, so I've got my shorts on.

First day of shorts weather.

Yeah, we both feel sort of conspicuously misdressed, so we're going to try and fix it by buying some uniform, right?

Some trendy uniform.

Exactly.

We've come to the epicentre of Trendiosity in Camden, which is the shop Ganges.

It's halfway between Ganges and Ganges.

It's maybe the place that... Perfect place to be.

Exactly.

The thing about this shop is it's for girls, but that kind of gender bias doesn't really wash at Camden.

You know, girls can dress like boys, boys can dress like girls.

Who gives a toss?

So we're going to focus on sunglasses because I've got some Ray-Bans on and they look very 80s, don't they?

Very Tom Cruise.

That should be trendy, shouldn't it?

To me, you look really nice, but... What they need is coloured rims, right?

Right.

That's the fashion.

Candy colours on your sunglasses rims.

The other thing to do is have slats, as if you've got Venetian blinds over your eyes.

Like, Kanye West modelled these very... Yeah.

Once you've got your sunglasses and there's a magnificent range of different colours and frames and shades, you've got to have your scarf, haven't you?

They're very trendy.

What do you do with the scarf?

Do you wear them around your neck?

Well, have a look around you, Adam.

Here in Camden you'll see a lot of people sporting scarfs.

These people have them on their heads as if they're sort of Arab gentlemen.

A couple of individuals there.

But a lot of kids like just to toss the scarf around the neck in a devil-may-care fashion.

It's got no practical purpose.

What about this?

Could you pop a scarf, say, with some skulls, a skull motif?

Could you pop it in your flies and just have it hanging out of your flies?

Sorry to interrupt you.

This gentleman's looking for sunglasses.

Hello, sir.

Do you mind if we say hello to you?

Yeah, no worries.

You're looking for a pair of sunglasses here.

I can't help but notice.

If you want these, this is one single lens framed with sort of metallic plastic.

You could look like a robot man first.

Cyclops.

Daft Punk, yes.

Cyclops finger.

How would that change your life if people must took you for a cyclops?

How's he supposed to respond to that?

What kind of question is that?

I think um was a good enough answer.

You're almost talking to me.

I'd be interested to find out.

I might just buy a pair now.

Hey, listen, what's your name, sir?

Paul.

Paul, nice to meet you.

I'm Adam, this is Joe.

Hello.

How are you doing?

I love you, sir.

Thank you.

Hey, listen, Paul, as a present, right, I'm proposing to buy you any pair of sunglasses that you like.

Right?

But you have to pick one.

Okay.

Right.

It's going to be... It's got to be something totally ridiculous, isn't it?

Yeah.

But you've got to walk away from us wearing them.

All right?

That's the deal.

And then you've got to contact the show and tell us what kind of lady response you've had, how your life's changed, whether you've got promoted, or will you do that?

Yeah, all right, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go for the Camp Blue Cyclops glasses.

He's going to the dark funk.

It's a single lens going right across the eyes, curling round the head.

Oh, it does have a little line on it.

Oh, see, you don't see that from the outside.

How much are they?

That's the question I'm concerned with.

That's a previous little trick, that.

Ado, look.

You look insane.

Sensational.

That is sensational.

All right, I'm going to buy you those glasses.

Paul, nice to meet you.

You too, Seth.

Take care.

Nice to meet you, Paul.

Thanks for talking to us.

There goes Paul.

He's walking away from us wearing his robot shades.

Bye-bye, Paul.

He's blowing us a kiss.

He looks like a very, very, very stupid man now that he's got those glasses on.

Oh crikey there we go that was madness playing last night on the top of a bus here in Camden and this is Adam and Jo on BBC six music coming to you live from the Camden crawl and we actually introduced madness yesterday as well yeah and the thing is that six music a while a week ago or so said are you up for introducing madness and we said yeah sure up for anything but then when the time came you always get

One always gets a little bit nervous and then the crowd builds up and then madness.

Sugs didn't turn up for quite a while.

And so the crowd was waiting for about 45 minutes in a little pen and getting a bit boisterous.

Tiny bit belligerent.

And Joe and I had agreed vaguely what to say.

But when we got up there, Joe, you abandoned the plan.

I did.

I'd like to apologize for that.

When I get in front of a crowd of people, I suddenly have a kind of a power surge.

Right.

Is it like a Hitler power surge?

Yeah, I want to talk about politics and foment some sort of revolt.

I find it hard to repress those instincts.

Yeah, I do apologize for that.

I was thinking last night I should apologize to you for that.

So now I've done it.

Or through the plan.

Then we get up there and I go, hi, I'm Adam.

to which your response should be, and I'm Joe.

Joe just goes off on one.

It was good, though, wasn't it?

It was good, yeah.

And then you got rattled because you thought the crowd were getting bumptious because I mentioned that we were South London boys.

Well, they were chanting off, off, off, off.

No, they weren't chanting off, off.

That's what I heard.

That's the voice in your brain.

They were so, maybe, yeah, that is the voice in my brain, but they seemed very keen to hear madness and they wanted anyone who wasn't madness to get off, off, off, off.

Maybe you.

Maybe me.

But they wanted more bucculis.

Did they?

Yeah.

The other side of the crowd were chanting, More Buxton!

More Buxton!

More!

Half hour set from Buxton!

That's what they wanted.

When all you'd said was, Hello, I'm Adam.

Yeah.

Well, listen, I think we should launch Text the Nation after this next record, don't you?

Yes.

Let's do that.

But now we've got a free play, and this is one of yours, I think, Joe.

Yeah, this is the band Godly and Cream.

Do you remember Godly and Cream?

Yeah, of course.

Lol Cream and Lol Godly.

Kevin Godly.

And Lol Cream.

Yeah.

This is a track that popped into my head like an old friend who I'd forgotten about.

Is this under your thumb?

Yeah.

I used to love this one.

This is a proper story record, right?

I had a great noir-esque video with a lady on a train.

It did.

It tells a confusing and not very good story all the way through full of details and a little setup and payoff and characters and everything, but the instrumentation is really haunting and the tune's really good.

It bubbles away, doesn't it, in a very pleasing electronic style.

Yeah, this is Godly and Cream with Under Your Thumb.

Oh, come on, Godly and Cream.

Oh, here it comes.

This is Godly and Cream with Under Your Thumb.

This is Adam and Joan, BBC 6 Music, coming to you live from the Camden Crawl.

It's a great pleasure to be here, and we're joined by 20 members of Black Squadron.

How you doing, Black Squadron?

Look at that.

They're quite ill.

They're on the verge of death.

They've eaten something bad and they're getting very tired and depressed.

We're going to be talking to our Black Squadron members a bit later on about the whole Steven phenomenon.

Yeah, we're going to make a decision today, an official decision, whether to kill it

change it or keep it going.

And as the elite Black Squadron force, you guys are going to be instrumental in that decision.

It is, as Joe pointed out earlier, very much like the G8 summit, but just a Stevenage summit.

You will get beaten up after you leave by the police, so be ready for that.

That's just a little satire there, of course.

Political satire.

That's not actually the case.

Now, we're going to launch Text to Nation, I think.

So, shall we have the jingle for the nation's favourite feature?

Text the nation!

Text, text, text, text the nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the nation!

It doesn't matter, text!

Now, earlier in the week, Joe, I was constructing a picnic table, right?

Right.

You know those benches, picnic benches you get in public parks and stuff, right?

And you can sit opposite each other.

The benches are attached to the table.

Exactly.

Yeah, they're a sort of single wooden thing.

For as long as I can remember, it's been my dream to own one of those.

Wow.

And that dream came true this week.

You know, when I went out and purchased one, very reasonably priced, you know, it makes sense in these difficult times.

Just to have a picnic bench in your house.

So that's what I did, I went out and got one.

I was putting it together, right?

And I don't know if I was following the instructions poorly or what, but I was finding it very difficult to make the large wooden bits fit together properly.

And at one point, I was manhandling this very heavy cross beam thing and it swung across onto my thumb and it sort of sliced

horizontally across the top of my thumb and it basically here look you see that it basically lifted the skin just over my nail closer right off the foot like a there's a meter there's a sort of horrible postulant bloody thing there on the bottom of Adam's thumb yeah and it was absolutely agonizing right so I stood up and I did some effing and blinding and and then I nearly passed out and

Really?

Yeah.

With shock at your own language?

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe with shock and disgust at my own lax morals and swearing.

But no, I was literally pausing.

I had to go inside, get a glass of water and sit down because I was just about to faint because I whacked my thumb so hard.

And then I got up and I thought, I'm okay.

I nearly fainted again.

And I'd just been watching, do you remember I was talking about watching the Ridley Scott film, Body of Lies?

Yeah.

Which I actually enjoyed, and it's all about torture and stuff in the Middle East.

It was quite grim, and there's one particularly grim scene with Leonardo DiCaprio being tortured, right, in a cave in there, whacking his fingers with a hammer.

It's really a hard scene to watch.

And I remember when I was watching I was thinking, I could take that.

I could probably take that.

you were wrong and i was absolutely wrong i can't even take a little tap from a garden table so this is all leading up to our theme for text the nation this week right yeah which is um minor injuries yeah we we've done this before in the past right years and years ago but we'd like to do it again because

it's really good.

We had a lot of fun with it last time, but it's the most painful things you can do to yourself accidentally that aren't serious.

Exactly.

So you're not hospitalised, there's no permanent damage.

And we're not talking about, because some kids do this sort of thing for fun these days, right?

What sort of thing are you talking about?

Well, Johnny Knoxville type stuff.

Oh, I see.

They staple things to their foreheads.

No, no, no.

Instead of going to the theatre these days.

Yeah, that's true, isn't it?

Yeah, that is what they do.

They run around in nettles.

We're not talking about voluntary things.

No.

We're talking about things that you do accidentally.

Yeah, paper cuts, that kind of thing.

Stubbed toes, the little toe being stubbed.

Man, I stubbed my toe viciously earlier in the week.

It was terrible.

I've had a very injurious week, really.

I mean, my thumb is still giving me a lot of jit.

And I've got a little paper cut down here, which is very painful.

So we'd like to hear your text on that subject.

The text number is 64046, or you can email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.

We want you to make us smart.

Yeah.

Right?

We want stories of really, really painful accidents, but things that aren't serious.

We want to hear the whole of Black Squadron here at the Camden Crawl going, ow!

Can we just practice that quickly Black Squadron?

So just pretend that you've heard, I'll show you my thumb again and when I show it to you, make a noise that expresses your sympathy.

There you go.

That's very good.

Panto style.

Well, this is kind of a pantomime that we're involved in.

Yeah, early morning panto.

Exactly.

Now, let's have some more music.

We've missed the top of hour.

We just sailed right past the top of hour.

So we're not even going to have the jingle, I don't think.

Right, Ben?

Have it later.

We'll have a top of hour at 11 o'clock.

But here's the white stripes right now with Seven Nation Army.

Very good.

Congratulations.

That was the White Stripes with Seven Nathanami.

This is Sadam and Joe here.

I didn't even bother to put myself right now.

Just ploughed on.

That's okay.

It's the Camden crawl.

That kind of behaviour's allowed.

Yeah.

We're supposed to be hungover, just crawled out of some kind of, uh, drain.

Mm-hmm.

Dressed fashionably.

That's how people live their life here in Camden.

Like Jules Holland.

Exactly like Jules.

Yeah.

He's not like that.

He's not like that at all.

Just joking.

So we were talking earlier.

Were you about to say something?

Nope.

No, we were talking about earlier about... How can I put this?

Pop songs that you customise so that you can sing them when you're doing something quite boring and they fit.

Crossing the road, crossing the road.

Is that a pop song?

Yeah, it is.

What is it?

Breaking the law, breaking the law.

Thank you.

So we've had one or two texts.

Here's one from Ollie and Bex in Haringey.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

I'm just not that familiar with that track.

You know, I always remember Steve Mason from the Beater Band saying that was his favourite Madonna track.

Really?

It's a little Steve Mason fact.

That's a good fact.

Here's one from Paul Sissons, who's probably Peter Sissons' brother.

Almost certainly.

Or his dad.

Or his dad, who knows.

Hi Adam and Joe, I sing to myself when visiting a famous Chicken Takeaway establishment.

Yeah, this is his dad.

Take these chicken wings and learn to fry again.

That's Broken Wings by Mr. Mister.

Yeah.

Nick from Ealing says Adam and Joe, what is going on down there?

They're just, it's a bar.

A lot of noise in here.

What do you expect, Joe?

It's very miffed because everybody needs not standing there.

I need to go and tick some people off.

They should be just standing exactly as if they're meeting the Queen.

Not moving.

For three hours, not moving or speaking.

Nick from Ealing says, Adam and Jo, we think it's fun to sing I Feel Like London Tonight, London Tonight, London Tonight to the tune of I Feel Like Chicken Tonight when the local current affairs programme comes on.

That is desperate.

Do you think?

Yes.

You're calling your listeners desperate.

Nick from Ealing.

In a very appealing way, obviously.

That's true, a loving way.

So the show London Tonight comes on and they get so excited they start singing.

They start singing that.

Oh, I imagine it's a little bit ironic.

Woo-hoo!

London Tonight time!

I feel like London Tonight!

London Tonight!

It's a good programme.

It's got all the latest news from around London.

It's got a quite attractive woman and a really creepy old man.

What's the name of that guy here?

I don't know, but listeners who don't live in London, that won't mean much to you.

But I'm sure you have similar local news programmes with creepy old men and attractive women.

That's the win-win news combination, isn't it?

In Norfolk, they're all creepy.

Yeah, okay, so keep sending those ideas in.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Let's play some more music now.

What is going on?

I think Amy Winehouse has arrived in the pub.

She's just walking into walls and tripping over boxes.

Joe, this is what happens when you go into the outside world and do a show from there.

Yeah, you don't like it, do you?

You're frightened of it.

You like Phoenix, right?

Yes, I do.

Here is a track from Them.

This is a new one, brand spanking new from the new Phoenix album, which is called Wolfgang Amadeus, and this track is called Listomania.

That's Phoenix from their forthcoming album Wolfgang Amadeus, and that is called Listomania, which is also a Ken Russell film, right?

About the composer Franz List.

Is it a good film?

I haven't seen it for years.

It's one of his crazy, crazy ones.

Right.

So I can't... Which are the non-crazy Ken Russell films?

There aren't any.

Yeah, they're all pretty crazy.

Now I was, this is on a non-related topic, but every week after I do this show, I cycle to the station to get on the training and go back home, and I pop into like a little calf to get, what are you smiling at like that for?

Nothing, just, I'm happy.

I'm just smiling.

You're smiling in a kind of smug way.

Well, that's just me, isn't it?

Like you're just arming your torpedoes.

Yeah.

tracking targeting so what I do is I go into this shop and it's like you know one of the chain shops what do you want to call them one of the shops that sells chains exactly it's a chain shop and so I go in there and I get the same thing every week you know I get myself a little sandwich and fruit pot thing and and the guy has come to recognize me the guy behind the counter

Like, not recognize me as Adam Buxton who does this show, he's got no idea who I am, but he recognizes my face.

And so after a few weeks I noticed that he started to sort of, like he would look up and realize that he was about to serve me next.

And his face would light up.

with happiness to see me like an old friend, you know what I mean?

Right.

Because he recognised me so it was just, it was like, hey, hey, it's you kind of thing, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so after a while, apart from just telling me how much my food came to money-wise, he would start chatting to me and saying, how are you?

And, oh, you come on your bike, have you?

Because he'd see my helmet and stuff, and I'd say, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes, it's the best way to get around town, you know?

I was like, yeah, it is, yeah.

He said, we ride a lot of bikes where I come from.

I was like, all right, where's that?

He's like, India, I come from India.

OK, thanks very much.

There's the money, and you know.

So I always keep it fairly brief, because I don't want to get into too much of a chat.

But now I'm worried that I'm upsetting him.

Because last week I went in, right?

And he gave me a big beaming smile, but I was quite busy.

I was late for my train.

So I didn't really give him a proper smile back.

Also, I didn't want to lead him on.

Because you don't want to get locked into a conversation about India.

Well, no, I just don't want a relationship.

I don't feel ready for a relationship with him.

Really?

Yeah.

He's not your type.

No, he's not my type.

And I don't know where it could lead.

Why don't you tell him that?

I mean, it's best to be honest about this kind of thing in relationships.

You should say, look, I appreciate your chatting to me, but you're not my type.

I don't think your stories are going to interest me.

No, but seriously, though.

So let's just get on with the business of trading.

Yeah.

And leave it at that.

I think that would offend and upset him.

Maybe he's just trying to be pleasant and trying to have a sunny disposition, right?

And I feel worried that I'm just throwing it back in his face by not responding.

But then I'm worried.

What if he...

He does want it to go somewhere special.

I tell you what you should do.

Next time you go to the shop, pause outside the window where he can see you and have a sort of a fit.

Have a sort of a... Sort of a shouting fit.

Like you're trying to get ants off you?

Right.

Get off... Ants get off me!

Sounds like Jules again.

He's got this in my eye!

That kind of thing.

Exactly, yes.

And then... Start laughing like that.

yeah but then when you enter the shop just drop that completely and behave completely normally right and then he won't want to talk to you

That's the solution.

What if he finds that kind of behavior?

See, I didn't torpedo that one.

Extra attractive.

No, you didn't.

You were very supportive.

I delivered a solution torpedo.

Thank you very much.

A solution-tipped torpedo.

Wind it up.

We're being told to wind it up.

I'll tell you how it goes next week with him.

Now, what are we going to play next?

Oh, yes, this is my free play.

Now, I introduced this earlier.

This was the track that went down very well on the CD compilation I made in the car.

Neil Diamond with Mr. Bojangle.

Lock the Task Bar.

There we go, that's the clash with Lock the Task Bar.

This is, uh, that's not actually called that.

This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music coming to you live from the Camden Crawl, so if you can hear some, uh, unusual hubbub going on, it's because we're broadcasting from a bar.

A hubbar?

What?

No, a hubbub, hubub.

And yes, it's a bar.

Sorry, I've gone off

And this is Camden, right?

So people are drinking already.

Are they?

It's 10.38 or so in the morning and there's already heavy drinking going on which should not be encouraged.

Who's drinking?

I'm just guessing actually I can't see but I'm assuming because it's Camden that's what people are doing.

People are still having orange juice and stuff.

Do you think?

The sun's come out.

Well, at least the sun did come out.

At least it stopped raining.

I got soaked on my way in this morning.

Absolutely soaked!

It's not my fault!

Well, I should have been warned.

Listen, let's do some text-on-ations.

Yes.

Let's have a jingle.

Text-on-ation.

Text, text, text.

Text-on-ation.

What if I don't want to?

So much hubbub.

Text-on-ation.

It doesn't matter.

Text!

It's only just audible through the hubbub, the text-on-ation thing.

Exactly.

So much hubbub.

I get this syndrome that I've been informed is called cocktail party syndrome.

Right.

And if there is another conversation going on in the background, my brain just tries to tune into it.

Yeah.

It's like if you're at a party and you're talking to someone, but you can't help trying to tune into the conversation happening next to you.

Well, the worst one is when people start talking across the table.

Do you know what I mean?

And you're trying to conduct a conversation and you have, and you're talking to the whole table.

Yeah.

And then someone from across the table starts a rival conversation to someone else.

And you're like,

Excuse me!

Because you can't focus on the two conversations at once.

It's impossible!

We're also joined here by 20 members of the Elite Black Squadron.

Can you still hear us clearly, Elite Squadron?

How are you doing?

They're doing hand-wavy gestures because they can't actually hear us properly.

Whose idea was it to have this show come from an active bar?

James Sterling, our producer.

It's a very good idea.

It provides colour in Atmos.

How are you doing, Black Squadron?

Steven!

There you go, they're still alive.

There we go.

So listen, Text the Nation this week, listeners, is all about non-serious injuries you've suffered that have caused you antagonising pain but can be talked about with levity because they haven't resulted in any permanent injury or hospitalisation.

Are you ready for some of these then?

Here's one from Elaine in Sheffield.

She says, last June I accidentally dropped a glass dish on my big toe.

As I was standing on a tiled floor, it was basically crushed between the dish and the tile below.

Easily the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, I had to get the nail drilled to let the trapped

Blood out.

Shut your mouth.

That's unbelievable.

I mean, they should have done that in Body of Lies.

That's the kind of thing that they could... That would make a good sequence in a film.

Yeah.

People love that kind of sort of instant improvised surgery in films.

Leonardo.

People love it.

Right.

Leonardo DiCaprio in a cave, under heavy duress.

They drop a glass plate on his foot.

I mean, that was, that's unbelievable.

That is unbelievable.

He drilled the toe.

I got a blood blister the other day.

I just remembered this.

I slammed my finger, you know, like I caught it in the door.

I didn't slam the whole finger in the door.

I just caught the end of it and I got a massive blood blister and it all went numb.

It was like a little eco dome on the end of my thumb.

It was amazing.

It was like having the millennium dome there and just full of blood and it went totally numb because the pressure was such that the whole thumb went numb more or less.

So I was kind of digging it in a way.

I was playing with it and tapping it and stuff because it was all taught like a drum full of blood.

This is revolting.

But then at a certain point I knew that I would have to drain it, right, to release the pressure.

Release the pressure!

So finally I pricked it with a pin and it literally spurted out like a gush of blood.

And thereafter, it was agonizingly painful.

Once the blister had been evacuated, it was really painful.

And it was, you know, I had to put germaline on there to stop it going septic.

This is what textination's about.

Why are you looking at me in that way?

Because of the hubbub.

I can't believe how loud the hubbub's getting.

Okay, here's another one.

By the time this show ends, we're just going to be shouting.

Don't worry.

Adam and Joe.

I had my fingernail nearly ripped off when I shut it in my campervan door when going to a party.

It went all colours and I had to cut it with a Stanley blade to get the swelling down a few days later.

Cut it with a Stanley blade?

That's insane.

What, like a big rusty Stanley knife?

No, I guess they used a nice...

You know, you heat it in a flame or something beforehand, surely.

I don't know, they don't say anything about heating it in a flame.

That's horrible.

That's quite painful, isn't it?

Nails are the worst though, aren't they?

Like the tips of your fingers, because you've got all your nerve endings in there.

Something as simple as a splinter under there can be agonising.

I mean, that is absolute torture.

What's the other part of your body that you really wouldn't want to hurt?

Nuts.

The nuts and the winkle.

Will in Eastbourne says, let us take a moment to appreciate getting a shard of potato crisp lodged deep under the gums.

What?

A shard of crisps.

Anybody relate to that?

Under the gums, yeah.

Black Squadron nodding.

That's been approved by Black Squadron.

Here's another one from Paul in Belfast.

He says, when I was in primary school, I was play fighting with a friend.

What I didn't realise was he was holding a pencil.

He accidentally stabbed the centre of my hand.

The pencil lead snapped off and is still to this day lodged in my hand.

I've got the same thing!

Slowly, let me finish, please.

Please, can I finish?

It's still lodged in my hand, slowly making its way down my hand towards my vital organs.

Now that's like a sort of nerdy intellectual version of being 50 cent, isn't it?

Instead of bullets lodged in the body, pencil tips.

I mean, that would impress the homies on a certain block, on Sesame Street, maybe.

Right, instead of showing off their bullet wounds, they just... And over there I was stabbed by an HB pencil.

Yes.

That kind of thing, is that what you're talking about?

That is exactly what I'm talking about.

We're going to play some music.

We'll come back to text the nation a bit later on, so please keep your messages coming in.

This is the Maccabees, and this is not a live track that we're playing, right?

But after this track, we are going to play you another package, a Camden package.

And in the package, I think you will be finding out how we got on when we went.

clothes shopping.

Joe got a t-shirt.

Yeah, we'd kind of identified the fact that we were poorly dressed so we tried to fix that problem by going to a clothes shop and getting some kit.

I got it.

I mean, I ended up spending about 50 quid yesterday.

Don't give it away.

Because it was, you know, I bought the guy's shades and then I went and bought another item from this shop that we'll be telling you about shortly.

But first, here's the Maccabees with Love You Best.

We're back in the main drag here in Camden Town.

Hello.

Good, thank you.

Joe's just chatting to some of the locals.

We are stood in Dolly's, which is a emporium which sells pretty much anything you need to be a fashionable person.

Yeah, to blend in in Camden, you'd need to spend quite a lot of money here at Dolly's, wouldn't you, to get your full kit.

There's studded fingerless gloves, which everybody needs.

I've seen one up there that is just a raised finger.

Oh, on a belt buckle.

On a belt buckle.

Do you see there towards the top right?

I certainly do.

That's a statement of intent, isn't it?

It's giving people the finger 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

From the groin.

From the groin is expressing something inside me that I think, you know, could be usefully expressed on a belt buckle.

And there's a very good range of hats here, Adam, as well.

As you know, like, chubby hats are very fashionable.

Do you work here, sir?

Hello, we're Adam and Joe from BBC Six Music.

What's your name, sir?

My name is Assam.

I said nice to meet you.

We're just trying to figure out what the kids are wearing in Camden at the moment because it's a very trendy place, isn't it?

Brilliant.

Which hat should I go for?

I mean, there's a straight bowler there.

No one's wearing bowlers, are they?

You're being recommended one by the shop staff now.

He's going for the top hat.

What's your name, sir?

Usain.

Jose, nice to meet you.

You have immediately picked out for me a top hat.

Why was that?

Why did you think I'm a top hat kind of guy?

How much is this one, sir?

It's because, you know, this one comes expensive, it's made in England.

Ah, this is where we start haggling, right?

It's not made in China.

Cut to the chase, what's the price?

45 fan.

45 quid!

Alright, I'll give you £30 cash.

Er...

£30.

I'm not allowed to sell £30.

What I'll do, which is my best price, and I'll get you this count, is because you know how the tour is.

Actually, we charge two of these people five pound extra.

Flipping eggs, I think you heard of your first.

And it's because you know how the tour is.

We will get you five of this count.

You can have it for £40.

40 quid.

How about this?

Adam, I've got to say that was really bad haggling.

Was it?

I mean, you went down by 25%.

You should have cut it right down.

You should have gone in on £15.

You reckon?

Yeah.

How about this?

15 quid.

It's too late now because you can't backtrack now.

I just bought someone a pair of shades.

A 7 quid, the robot shades.

Am I going to invest £40 for a hat I'm never going to wear again after I introduce magic?

You know, actually this is high quality.

It's top of two, yeah?

So you can use fancy dress body.

What about, could you recommend a t-shirt for me?

Because I don't feel very trendy here in Camden.

Can you pick out a nice t-shirt that might make me a bit trendier?

Bart Simpson dressed as Bart Marley.

But the key for me is I want to be really trendy.

I want to be fashionable.

He wants girls to look at him and think he's not 40.

That's exactly what I want.

That's got a dirty word on it.

We can't swear on this programme.

That's got the F-bomb on it.

Sorry then.

The killers.

You think it's the band The Killers from a distance, but when you get up close, who's on it?

It's Bin Laden, Osama bin Laden.

It's George Bush, Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

They are all the killers.

You know the one I like best is Bart Marley.

Bart Marley is good.

I thought you might like it.

If I buy that top hat then I have to wear the top hat and Joe has to wear the Bart Marley t-shirt to introduce madness.

What about that Joe?

Yeah, okay then.

If that's what the kids are wearing, is it?

Yeah, yeah.

There we go, I've got to do it in that case.

Hey, thank you so much for your help.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's there.

Live at the Camden Crawl, as they were last night.

That was zero.

You can log on to pbc.co.uk forward slash six music to see some pictures from that gig, if you'd like.

Do you want to, Joe?

Yes, please.

OK, you can do that shortly.

And we're coming live today from the Camden Crawl, hence the unusual Atmos.

And we're having a great time here in a kind of a kind of a bar area.

We have 20 members of Black Squadron here with us, live human beings.

Hello, Black Squadron.

There you go, you see they're very chirpy and alert and they're having an amazing, an amazing time, aren't you?

I mean, I can just tell that you're having a brilliant time.

This is about the most fun they've ever had in their lives.

And these are young people who've had exciting lives and they've done amazing things, but nothing quite so extraordinary as this.

It's like, can you imagine what it would have been like to be in the studio for Swap Shop?

with Noel Edmonds and John Craven and Keith Chegwin.

Very like this.

It would have been like this.

Well there we go, that's evocative stuff.

So listen, we're going to do some more text the nations.

Our theme today is all about non-serious injury.

And we've discovered an extraordinary non-serious injury here in the bar amongst our invited guests.

Before we discover what that injury is, shall we have the jingle, but shall we have Black Squadron sing along to the jingle?

That's an interesting idea.

I didn't say it's a good idea, it's an interesting idea.

Are you in a position to do that, Squadron?

Okay, fire off the jingle.

Will they be able to hear it?

Okay, fire it off.

Text the nation!

Text, text, text!

Text the nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the nation!

What do you mean there?

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter, text!

Black Squadron, get out!

How is this great?

Well, there's something a tiny bit humiliating about it, isn't there?

I mean, when you're on your own in your house, you imagine this kind of world, but when you actually see the world for real, it's not quite what you thought it could be.

People singing along?

No, that was magnificent.

I think that was sung in exactly the right sort of level of dejection.

As I said the subject of this week's text the nation is non-serious injuries and Adam was just talking about owner one of our listeners texted in about a piece of lead pencil That's still lodged in his hand.

I've got the same injury and you can see what have you got there?

You've got a piece of pencil lodged in your hand

Yeah, like right in the middle.

It might even... Do you know what?

Now that I think about it, actually this may not be true, but it was around the time that I was at school with Guy Ritchie.

Oh no!

The famous film director done it to you.

He'd give you a name then.

Yeah.

Lead mitt.

Or something.

Lead hands.

Yeah.

It's like that, lead hands.

But I'm not sure if he actually inflicted the injury on me or if it was like a scrap and someone else actually stuck the pencil in.

But you can still see a little grey circle there where the pencil went right

But this is another fascinating area.

People who are, to me anyway, people who are carrying around peculiar things lodged in their bodies, right?

Everyone loves that.

They always have pictures in the sun, don't they, of people with big nails in their heads?

And that sells millions.

It's like Iron Man, isn't it?

Exactly.

So what's the gentleman's name here?

It's Matthew.

Hello, Matthew.

Thanks for coming this morning.

Now, Matthew, you've got an alien, a foreign object lodged in your body.

Is that not correct?

Yeah, that's correct.

Sounds slightly filthy, but it's no bad thing.

I've got the same thing, a lead pencil, but stuck in my eyebrow.

And it was a coloured pencil, right?

It was a coloured blue pencil, and you can see the blue lead.

Come over here if you would.

I want Joe to see this.

I know, I did have a good look at it, and it's extraordinary.

It's just between the top of the nose and the eyebrow.

You can actually see the tip of a little bit of blue crayon.

Because it's actually glasses, though, so no.

Right.

Essentially what's happened is that you've had a little kind of makeshift tattoo job, because that's all tattooing is, right?

And they're basically just stick little bits of dye and colour in people's bodies.

To a degree, yeah.

What do you mean to a degree?

That's exactly what it is.

Because the implement with which they're applying the dye is removed.

And that's what's different here, it's still in there.

He's got it in his face.

It didn't break off though, did it?

Yeah, yeah, it's the actual lead.

It's the lead in there, Adam Buxton.

Flipping heck.

I don't know why my mum never thought of taking it out.

Because he's taking it to be the host.

She thought it looked good.

That's amazing.

Do you get more respect amongst crayonists that you hang out with?

Yeah, they reckon you're kind of a tough guy.

High up in the crayon land.

That's really good.

That's a pretty good non-serious injuries, but you're going to carry that around for the rest of your life, do you think?

Hopefully.

Hopefully, yeah, fingers crossed.

It's probably why you work its way out at some point.

Here's a very good one that came in via text.

This is from Betty in Highbury who says, I was once trying to crumble a bit of effervescent vitamin C like one of those tablets and a shard flew into my eye.

What?

The more my eyes ran, the more it fizzed.

It was terrible, it felt like a Catherine Wheel firework going off in my eyeball, imagine that!

F of S and pill in your eye.

Why have they not done that on Jackass?

Man, this could be, we could be putting together material for Jackass 3, couldn't we?

I would love to see.

We could turn ourselves, there's a British version of Jackass, isn't there?

Those Welsh guys, what are they called?

Dirty Sanchez.

Exactly.

Is it too late to jump on that bandwagon?

No, never too late.

Is it very old to jump on a bandwagon?

Five years too late.

With stuff like putting a fizzy tablet in your eye, that is a bandwagon worth jumping back on.

Now it sounds like we're encouraging people to do that.

Obviously we're not encouraging you to do that.

It's a very stupid thing to do.

But also wicked.

No, not wicked at all.

You could cause blindness and all types of things could happen.

Um, shall we have a record?

What, are you upset about the thought of that?

Oh, it's my free play, yeah.

I am.

Oh, I think that's enough.

Those are two very, very strong submissions, aren't they?

Very much so.

Thank you very much, Matthew.

Uh, this is my free play.

This is Richie Spice.

He's a reggae sort of a gentleman.

Yep.

And this is his song talking about how the ute dem gone cold.

Why?

What's wrong with him?

Well, uh, I think they've just, they're cold hearted.

I thought you didn't approve of that view of youth.

I've changed my mind, have you?

This is Richie Spice.

I sought the big, great, dear castle.

It is the top of the hour.

Ooh, that's wonderful.

I got so bored with the last hour and glad it's gone.

Now here's the new one.

It's exciting and it's new.

Howdy.

GMT there with kids.

This is Adam and Joe coming live from the Camden crawl for BBC six music It's a great pleasure to be here.

We're in a bar We should we should keep reminding people we're in a bar if you're confused by the unusual background noises We're in the market bar and we've got 20 black squadron listeners here elite listeners who entered a competition for which they had to log on to the website like at 9 a.m.

On a Wednesday and then the first 20 10 people

whose names were picked, they were able to come and bring a friend.

So this really is the creme de la creme.

Absolutely.

People said that it was actually quite hard to find the link on the website.

Do you find that, Squadron members?

We really put people through it, so you are the best of the best, the elite, the geniuses at finding links.

I'd say the most laid-back member is... is your name Nick there?

I mean, you're looking pretty cool considering where you are and what's going on around you.

He's our special ops guy, Nick.

Is he?

Yeah, we send him into all kinds of tough situations.

How are you doing there, Nick?

Yeah, I'm just trying to make the best of it, to be honest with you.

It's going well.

I'm enjoying it.

That is the voice of an undercover Black Ops genius.

Yeah, he's not giving anything away.

Now listen, Chaps, we're going to talk about Steven and Stevenage, just to fill you in if you have never listened to this show before.

Steven is a thing that started out about six months ago when we were talking about Juvenilia, and someone sent us in a comic, someone called Steve Curran, and he had made a comic about the action adventures of himself, and it was just called Steven, exclamation mark.

And we thought it was a funny idea that he would, you know, in this comic just run around.

And what would happen in the comic?

I don't know, he'd just run around and shout, Stephen!

Just coming!

And that would be about as exciting.

Yeah, people who needed his assistance would shout his name.

But then another listener suggested this could become a meme, I believe is the correct word.

A way that listeners could communicate to each other in public spaces.

And this is kind of, despite us, taken off a little and resulted in a lot of gigs around the country being interrupted by shouts of Stephen.

Now, people who listen to the show like this and find a kind of fidelity in it, but other people hate it.

Well, some people find it a little irritating and invasive.

But then Stephen, you know, went to a different level this week.

I'll tell you why.

Here's a message from Paul Jeffs.

No, and Alex Herety.

This was pointed out to us by many people.

Sharon, Nathan, Kate and Reading, Chris Chambers.

Anyway, it says, I've been listening to your podcast for a few months now and I really enjoy it.

The Stephen just coming thingy thingamabob I find quite amusing, but I'd never experienced it in my own day-to-day life.

Until today!

I'd just got into the car with my friend and Radio 1's Edith Bowman came blurting out and she was having a lunch date-type feature with Simon Pegg.

I just caught the end of a phone call from a listener to the show who said, blah, blah, blah, thanks.

Can I just say something to the nation?

And let's play the clip now.

Why not?

Yeah.

Mark.

Yeah.

Thank you so much, mate.

It's lovely to talk to you.

I'd like to say one thing to the nation.

Steven!

Thanks.

Steven.

Yeah.

I was a bit scared there for a second.

What?

We're live.

Who's Steven?

What was he going to say?

Steven.

Why did he say Steven?

I have no idea, Simon.

So there you go, that is an Adam and Jo listener phoning Radio 1.

Unfortunately, Stephen was slightly covered up by Edith Bowman there, as he was legitimately worried that he was just about to swear, I think.

But Bowman had no idea what was going on, neither did Simon.

Well, the point is made by Alex Herety here in his message.

He says, point one, why is Bowman, one of the members of the big British castle, not listening to the Adam and Jo show?

Or at the very least, up to date on BBC matters and slogans?

Right, that's a good point.

I mean, you know, we all know Edith Bowman's catchphrases, right?

Yeah.

More eggs, please, Cameron Diaz.

Have a jelly bun.

It's the nation's number one.

And sort your wig out, Uncle Dick.

That kind of thing.

Everyone knows those.

We know all Bowman's catchphrases, so why doesn't she know about Steven?

Point two.

What was the guy doing, right?

He's got... Alex Heraty's got a problem with the actual Stephener.

He says, the Stephen concept I thought was just for gigs or events with large groups of fans that would be bonded together by it.

But no, that's absolutely fine.

He's applied it to the radio... Yeah, I think we can only give that guy credit who phoned in there and did the Stephen.

He concludes Alex Herety, all I hope is that the good name of Steven can ride through this troubled period in its life and come out the other side.

I would say that it's doing well if it's being shouted out on Radio One.

Well, we've made Natasha Khan from Back 4 Lashes annoyed, haven't we?

A little bit, yeah.

We've kind of intruded on the world of the Fleet Foxes, who now get it wherever they go in the world.

and we've also made a bit of a mess on Radio 1.

So we'd like to ask Elite Squadron, who are here with us in Camden today, whether they would vote to kill the Steven meme, whether they think it should be crushed before it gets out of hand and too annoying, or whether they think it should carry on and be encouraged.

Are we going to take a show of hands?

Well, just before we do that, here's a message from someone very much putting the case against continuing with Stevenage.

This is Charlie Tittle from London.

He calls us,

Adam... Adamano Bucksters and Josephus Corn Life.

Good work.

So, you know... Corn Life?

Yeah.

You have to take that into account when listening to his comments, I think.

He says, I think the problem with Steven is that it's becoming a little inverted commas garlic bread, you know?

Do you know what he means by that?

No, I don't.

What does he mean by that?

He says, it's the kind of thing lads in pubs would shout for about 18 months after Peter Kay found his fame.

I don't know what he's talking about there.

But he says, I'm not saying that it's annoying, but maybe it's time to put Steven to bed, like in the Jerry Halliwell video where she has a funeral for her stage persona, Ginger.

Remember that video?

Yeah, it was rubbish, wasn't it?

You get my drift.

And it doesn't mean that one day there won't be a new and all exciting, a new and exciting call and response type catchphrase for the Adam and Jo Show on 6 Music, but maybe Steven is sadly coming to its end, says Charlie Tittle.

Well, what do you think then?

We should put it to the vote here.

Yeah, but I mean, I would hope that Black Squadron here would vote to continue Stevenage, wouldn't you?

I think it's fun.

How is it?

I think it's easily avoided in your life.

It's not so all intrusive that it's ruining people's lives, don't you think?

Well, I think we should find out.

Have you been giving this some thought, Elite Squadron?

They're nodding wisely.

They've been thinking, okay, I think when I point at you, you've got to shout either the word kill.

Yeah, you've all shouted that before in the past.

Or the word Stephen, all right?

Here we go.

This is a big moment, isn't it?

Yeah.

Here we go.

There you see?

Nobody, not a single person shouted kill.

No.

There we go, it will not die, despite our best efforts.

But we could, you know, we'd like to hear your opinion, so you can email us Adam and Joe at... Oh, it's behind me though.

There it is, Adam and Joe.

dot 6 music at bbc.co.uk or you can text us 64046 if you're communicating with us during the week then please don't text just email us but we'd love to hear your thoughts about whether we should continue with Stephen or whether we should kill Stephen off yeah here's some music this is the killers with the world we live in

I wasn't really listening to the lyrics there.

What was he saying about the world we live in?

I'll tell you later.

That was the killers with the world we live in.

And before they were known as the killers, that band called themselves the Genius Sex Poets.

Yeah, it's a better name, isn't it?

Yeah, that was a good switch.

Definitely.

This is Adam and Joe here at the Camden Crawl and we've only got about 40 minutes left of the show.

It's gone whizzling by hasn't it?

It's absolutely whizzled past.

We've still got some jokes coming your way in the second, in the last half hour of the programme.

Some made up jokes.

Why were you looking at me like that?

It was just fun, it's fun to look at your face.

It makes me smile.

During that record we gave all the Elite Squadron members who've come to Camden to watch the show this morning an exclusive Adam & Jo BBC 6 Music Steven t-shirt.

There have been 50 of these t-shirts made.

We've got rid of 20 of them today and they look magnificent.

They're a lovely simple font, a white font on black.

And it really is making Elite Squadron look very uniform.

So Steven on the front and just coming on the back.

I mean, I'm getting a sort of surge of empowerment, just seeing all our listeners here dressed in uniform, you know?

But for, you know, the thing is, for the detractors,

You may as well be wearing a t-shirt that just says loser or nerd on the front, you know what I mean?

I disagree, I think it's a heroic t-shirt.

I thought you were against it!

I'm just balanced, it's the BBC, isn't it?

You just fly around with a prevailing wind.

Exactly, I've got no opinions.

You were the one that thought we should kill off Steven.

Yeah, well I got voted down, I obey Elite Squadron.

Yeah, fair enough.

I've got a free play for you now listeners, and this is a track from pavement's album crooked rain crooked rain But it's got a swear in it right.

Oh, it's got the f-word in it So what I've done is I've inserted a little pirate radio interruption for you good This is the kind of thing that you might hear if you listen to analog radio And you're driving along through the wave bands and suddenly a little pirate radio interrupts.

You're listening That's what's gonna happen in this track

Fiona, you're looking good.

It's on your skirt.

That is a really nice skirt.

This is Adam and Jo here on BBC6 Music coming to you live from a bar in Camden Town as part of the Camden Crawl, which is going on for the rest of today.

Get down, it's a lovely day.

People are thronging through the streets of Camden.

It's a decent day.

It's not raining.

It's not absolutely pouring, which is good.

Now, just before we go into the news, Joe, I was watching TV a couple of weeks back at Easter, and I was struck by a bit of continuity announcing, because they're getting quite uppity, aren't they, the continuity people sometimes?

Yes, they tell jokes, they do funny voices, they make sarcastic comments about... They try and be our pals.

Exactly.

I don't want them to be my pals.

Don't you?

No, I want to keep them... You just like a sort of... Yeah, sort of a detached authoritarian voice guiding you through the schedules.

Next is News Night.

That kind of thing.

I don't want any opinions about it.

Well, that would be a good cost-cutting measure because television is going through terrible financial troubles.

There's no one advertises on it anymore.

So they could cut some costs by having the continuity announcer... Stephen Hawking voice.

A robot voice.

Fred, I believe it's called.

Well, the continuity announced to try and jazz up the fact that the... Okay, let's see if you can guess what film he was introducing.

And now it's time for our big Easter movie.

And legend has it, it's a corker.

Uh, Legend?

No.

He was introducing Arthur.

What?

Arthur.

Not the film with Dudley, cuddly Dudley, but Arthur.

Starring Keira Knightley and Clive Owen.

King Arthur.

Yeah.

Legend has it, it's a stinker.

Well, exactly.

Wouldn't that be the correct announcement?

I mean, how disingenuous is that?

Legend has it, it's a corker.

Right.

That's outrageous.

I mean, you may as well introduce Van Helsing by saying, prepare to have your blood sucked out by one of the greatest films of all time.

you know which would be a heinous lie total lie like how about this how would you introduce my best friend's wedding which is on tonight at 9 on Channel 4 oh prepare to be lowered into the pit of hell very slowly by the most boring new man and woman in the world that would be the

honest introduction.

Oh right, yeah you've got to do a special lying continuity introduction.

Prepare to be lowered into a pit of fun and frolics for all the family with potentially Oscar winning performance by Rupert Everett.

Yeah it's the lowered and the pit that are still in there that still make us sound quite bad.

Yeah that's true isn't it.

It's 11.30 here on BBC 6 Music and it's time for the news.

David Bowie there with Heroes.

You know what, one of the Squadron members earlier on, we were trying to think of commands for Black Squadron at the beginning of the show, and someone came up with the command, Talk like David Bowie for 30 minutes.

That would be quite a difficult thing to do.

For 30 whole minutes, I'd make it a bit quite easy.

Yes, it would be very easy.

That's extremely easy to talk like that.

Could you pass the coffee?

Certainly I could pass the coffee-sissity.

Oh, love it.

This coffee is absolutely super latissive.

Its theatricality is extraordinarily... Did Brian Eno help you put this coffee together?

Yes, he did, using some abstract cards.

Is it bleak strategy cards?

Yes.

And where's that, where's that, where's that, where's that?

That's one of those impressions that's sort of broken free from its source.

It's just free floating.

It's got very little to do with how Bowie actually speaks to that.

No longer like your Jules Holland impression.

What did you say?

That was brilliant.

It was brilliant.

It was on the nail.

I don't think it sounded like... If Jules Holland heard that impression that you did of him last week, I don't think he would go, you know what?

He's absolutely catching me.

Who was that?

That was Hugh Holland.

That's how he really speaks.

I didn't recognise him.

Yeah.

Do we have the textination jingle?

Yes.

Textination.

Text, text, text.

Textination.

What if I don't want to?

Textination.

It doesn't matter.

Text.

Now Text the Nation this week listeners is all about non-serious injuries that you've inflicted on yourself or other people I suppose.

Stuff that hasn't resulted in any hospitalisation or permanent damage but that is cool to talk about.

And don't forget if you're listening to this show on Listen Again then you can still contribute

To this text donation by sending us your non-serious injuries throughout the week, you can email them on adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk and they might be read out in next week's podcast.

Who can tell?

But here's a good one from Jen in Cardiff.

She says, Dear Adam and Jo, I got a loft ladder in the face on Christmas Day.

Now, there are accidents waiting to happen because they nestle on the inside of the flat.

Have you got one nestle on the inside of your flat?

Everyone does.

Every real man does.

And so you open the loft and it can come tumbling down.

Because they fold up in a kind of triangle, don't they?

What sort of thing is that to happen on Christmas?

That's a horrible thing to happen on Christmas Day.

Is there a God?

If that can happen on Christmas?

That's a very big debate, and the Catholics have been talking about that particular... It's true, isn't it?

Loft ladders are the work of Satan anyway, so it's got no religion-threatening implications.

Here's another one from Andy in Glasgow.

It says, Dear Adam and Jo, a couple of years ago, whilst eating my lunch and dealing with my emails, I suffered a rather unusual eye injury.

This is horrible.

The sandwich I was eating, purchased from a well-known High Street baker's, was packaged in a shallow car tray, which, during a lapse of concentration, slipped as I was about to take a bite of the sandwich.

You following this?

Yeah.

And it went into my eye, causing an extremely sore paper cut.

So he got a paper cut.

On the eyeball.

On his eyeball.

That's the second most painful ball to get a paper cut.

That's terrible.

How did he do that though?

Somebody stubbed a cigarette out in my eye when I was 15 at a nightclub.

He was chatting to a girl and I was sitting next to him and he just accidentally shoved it in my eye.

And I had a cigarette burn on my eye, but I went to sleep and it miraculously recovered.

The human eye is an extraordinarily resilient piece of tissue, even so you should not go putting things in it or anywhere near it, right?

Don't put fizzy lozenges or cigarettes or anything like that.

Well, Bowie got a lollipop in his eye, didn't he?

He did!

Bowie's had eye trauma.

That's right.

Wow.

So it's all linking in?

It stayed dangling out of the eye, didn't it, for some time?

Oh no.

That's the song he wrote about.

He didn't even get very far with it.

Anyway, keep those coming in.

Will we return to these?

We might do a couple more just before the end of the show.

The text number is 64046.

Really?

We might run out of time, so maybe don't bother.

Here's some music, and after this music, we're going to have another little visit to one of our pre-recorded packages, what we did in Camden yesterday.

Yes, I think we went and polled a few people about what they thought of our sartorial choices.

You'll hear that after this next track.

Yeah, this is the fall, is it?

Hey, Luciani, they're playing tonight at the Camden Fall.

We've come a little way up the street now.

Joe's wearing his Bart Marley t-shirt.

Things have changed for me.

And I'm wearing my top hat.

I'm feeling a lot better, I have to say.

I felt pretty good until a girl laughed at me.

Are you sure she wasn't just chuckling at the Bart Marley shirt?

No, I think she thought it was disgusting and tasteless.

And rather than that being fashionable, I thought the reaction might be, oh, that's disgusting and horrible.

You're cool.

It wasn't.

It was, that's disgusting and horrible.

You're disgusting and horrible.

No.

I don't know.

I'm just being paranoid.

How could anyone find a picture of Bart Simpson smoking a big fat jazz cigarette with a big load of dreadlocks on his head?

And the words, Bart, not me.

The man in the shop said it would help me blend in.

Well, we're sandwiched between the Sainsbury's Local and the Roundhouse.

Two of the most important places in Camden and of course the Roundhouse is the hub of the Camden crawl where the biggest bands are playing.

Who's playing here tonight?

You don't know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, nice.

Bet-mouthed that to you, didn't he?

I knew that.

I knew they were playing, I just wasn't sure where.

But yeah, all the biggest bands are playing here.

And as a result, there's a huge queue of attractive hipsters waiting to get in.

Individuals, some of whom look a little bit like Jack Pinati.

There's some kind of DJ slouchy chaps with very large headphones on.

Some very beautiful women wearing leggings and indecently short skirts.

It's really happening here.

I wonder how some of the people in this queue would judge our new outfits, you know?

What's your name, sir?

Tosten.

We just bought some stuff from Camden Market down there to blend in a little bit more because we're a bit old.

So how do you think it's gone?

Joe bought this t-shirt.

Yeah.

The man in the shop said it would make me fashionable.

Can be, yes.

Tosten's impressed by that.

What about my hat?

I just bought this.

Oh, it looks better.

How much would you pay for a hat like that?

Ten pounds.

Thank you for talking to us.

What's your name?

My name's Lulu.

Hi, Lulu.

You look ridiculous in that hat.

We've bought these things to make us blend in in Camden, right?

And the man in the shop said that top hat was all the rage and that this t-shirt...

was really cool as well.

There are many top hats going on here.

I think each of you could have something more like this.

So many cool boots.

Instead of like these walker boots as well.

Yeah, but you're wearing hexagonal mirror things around your neck.

Yeah, I've got a mirror ball around my neck.

How is that better than a top hat?

It's like a universe that's exploded onto my chest.

How cool is that?

Look, every man is wearing a checked shirt.

Look, there's three of them.

There's three of them.

All in a row, three Czech shirts.

Is that individuality?

Or is that conformity?

Do you not think the Bart Simpson t-shirt is a more individual statement than the than the Czech e-shirt?

No, I'm really bored about Simpson.

Yeah, but that in itself is cool, isn't it?

I mean, when everyone else is bored, I'm still interested.

So it means I don't follow the herd.

Well, that's a sartorial update from the queue outside the roundhouse.

Thank you very much, Lulu.

You've lost your place in the queue.

I don't care.

I've only just... You can get back in there with my checkmates.

Checkmates.

Doesn't matter.

Take care.

Thanks for talking to us, Lulu.

Bye-bye.

Thank you.

Was she just shouting, Willy?

Yes, yes, yes.

She loves Willy's.

That was the song about Willy's.

By Gold Heart Assembly, they were playing live at the Camden Crawl last night as part of Steve LaMax's shindig at the Dublin Castle, which by all accounts was an absolute smash.

So thank you very much.

They were sounding great there, Gold Heart Assembly.

Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

It's almost time to say goodbye to your listeners, but we're going to just wrap things up in the Text-o-Nation house.

Yeah, we should remind people we're live from the Camden crawl hence the peculiar acoustics and the hubbub Yeah, but we've been doing a text the nation all about non-serious injuries now I wouldn't exactly call this an injury as I know I would call this an injury the other day I got a little fly in my eye and

Right?

How many often times have you had fly in your eye?

Often times, fly in eye.

A big full-size fly, a big fat fly.

No, not like a blue bottle or a house fly.

But not like a tiny little insect thing.

It was a sort of a midgy thing and the thing is I could see him approaching me, right?

Yes.

3D.

And I thought, he's not coming from my eye, is he?

Wam!

Straight into the eyeball.

Landed on the eyeball.

And I immediately tried to rub it out, but I was worried that by rubbing it, I would cause it to get deeper into the folds of my eyeball and the flesh, if you know what I'm saying.

And sure enough, the fly drifted around the eyeball.

Was it sort of spread-eagled on your field of vision like one of those Garfield's that you put on your car window?

staring at you hugely I couldn't see it because it was not over my actual iris you know so it wasn't being dealt with it was out of my field of vision but I was very anxious that it would remain there forever because I couldn't get this thing out at all and I wept I thought of some sad things to make me weep also my eye was naturally watering because of the irritation the fly was causing but you know can they just stay in there it stayed in there for about a day it felt like it was in there

Yeah, I did it.

You know, that's good, that's good.

In there for a day, well, they decompose and their natural vitamins inside them actually enhance your eyesight.

Yeah, do they?

Yeah, I recovered from that.

Because I used to think, I used to think that's what, you know, floaters, right?

When you, when you see, sometimes you see what seems like little hairs in front of your field of vision drifting around when you move your eyeball.

Right.

They're called floaters.

Right.

And I used to think they were flies eggs, not eggs, but legs.

flies legs that have got in there really why don't you read out a couple of texts there you're no use whatsoever with my first story I'm just amazed I've got this picture of the surface of your eyeball now with severed legs yeah spread eagle insects all kinds of stuff going on in that little Camden crawl on my eyeball

Here is one from Jen in Muswell Hill who says, oh no, I can't read that one out I've started reading the wrong one out and now Jen's gonna get disappointed because Jen's just sent in a horrific injury, right?

Yeah, it's too horrific.

It involves a split lateral wrist ligament.

Seriously, you don't want to hear about that, do you know?

The elite squadron are shaking their heads.

This is from Robin Shrewsbury.

On the theme of finger pain, my mother once burned the end of her finger in perhaps the most idiotic way possible.

Whilst driving an unfamiliar car, she mistook the cigarette lighter for the fog light and pressed it.

When it became clear what had happened, she examined the cigarette lighter, decided that she had to deactivate it before it could be returned to the dashboard, and inexplicably elected to put her finger into the lighter.

the smell of burning finger skin stays with me to this day that is horrible mum that's very sweet poor mum she doesn't she doesn't smoke doesn't understand cigarettes yeah doesn't know what this thing is sticks her finger in it poor mum that's terrible have you got one more to wrap it up there no

We're going to play out with Lupe Fiasco with Superstar.

That's in a second.

Good choice.

We'd just like to say a very sincere thank you to all the people that have emailed us and texted today.

But most especially, we'd like to say thank you to all the members of Black Squadron that have come to join us live in Camden this morning.

Thank you very much, Black Squadron.

Well done, Black Squadron.

Thank you for coming.

And you realize

You realize you now have an extraordinary mantle of responsibility.

You are envoys.

You are the elite squadron.

So you command your local and regional ranks of black squadron.

So when tasks are issued, you have to make sure they're obeyed.

And you know you have the legal right to go into anyone's house in the country.

Did you know that?

Well, there you go.

You will get thrown out and arrested, obviously.

Yeah, you'll be arrested.

But legally, you can go in.

Yeah.

But thank you very much, all of you, for coming this morning.

We're very pleased and happy.

And thanks to everyone for listening.

Pleased and happy.

Also, I hope you have a good time if you're going to the Camden Call today.

It should be a fun time.

Yeah, thanks to everyone who's put this OB together as well.

Lots of hard-working BBC people plugged all the wires in.

Yes, we appreciate it very much.

Don't forget to download the podcast on Monday evening.

Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw and have a great weekend.

See you next week.