That was Jack Piñate with Tonight's Today.
And I believe it's pronounced Piñate, even though I don't see the squiggly worm on the top of the end here.
Because otherwise it would be Pennate, right?
And that doesn't sound right.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's our special Easter pre-record.
Yes, we are recording this show about 10 days ago now.
Okay, it's from the past.
And we have to be absolutely honest with you and let you know that it's pre-recorded because otherwise you might think it was live, you might start calling us, you might come round to meet us after the show.
We wouldn't be there.
You would feel your trust has not been safeguarded.
We would be shot.
And you know, you might end up being shot as well.
Yeah, there's no way that Adam and I can do a live show on Easter Saturday because of our Easter commitments.
Yeah, what are they?
Lots of egg eating.
That's true.
A lot of sleeping and a lot of telewatching.
Yeah, cozy family dramas, that kind of thing.
Is that what you get on... I mean... Yeah, you get big specials, you know?
I just said, is that what they get on... Yeah, and I understood what you said.
I understood it perfectly.
You get stuff about wizards and that sort of business and dragons and quests, that kind of thing.
That's right.
Quasi-religious stuff, but not religious, of course, because to be religious is very dangerous and provocative.
These days.
Right?
No, completely wrong.
Now listen, do you remember when they had Merlin?
Yes.
I'm talking about the real Merlin.
No, I'm not.
I'm talking about the adaptation done by pop video whiz kid Steve Barron a few years ago.
Who was the guy?
Sam Neill they had in it.
It was great though, wasn't it?
Wasn't it?
That's exactly the kind of thing I was talking about.
Yeah, exactly.
Quasi-religious, family, dragon, wizard, quest-based entertainment.
Brill pants.
It was Brill Pants.
Double thumbs up, Brillo Pads.
Scrubby Pants.
Wiggle Wacles.
Yeah, so we can look forward to that kind of thing.
This weekend, the big production is Skellig.
That's right.
It's all over all the posters.
Yeah, with Kelly McDonald.
Really?
And the little chap from Son of Rambo.
Yeah, Bill Miner.
Something like that.
Something like that.
What's that about then, Skellig?
Skellig, it's about a man called, it's about an actor.
Tuck or Tim Roth.
Waffle.
We're featureless this time, right?
Because it's a pre-record, we are not able to interact with you, our listeners, in the way that we normally would enjoy.
However, I don't want you to stop listening just because of that, because we still have some wonderful, delicious waffles.
Always catch the beginning of the show.
Black squadron don't want to miss a thing.
That's not the one.
Black squadron roll.
Went to bed at a reasonable hour.
Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning.
That's the secret of the squadron's power.
Here's Amy Winehouse with In My Bed.
Imagine, imagine what it's like.
Amy Winehouse there within my bed.
Yeah, that sound.
That's her bones.
What sound would the things in her hair make?
Let's move on already.
What?
We could have talked about that for another 10 years.
we should have a little bit more music now we're gonna have your choice oh yeah okay uh here is a track this is i thought about this track before i picked it why did you do that well i don't know i mean am i right in thinking
No, you're wrong.
It's wrong to think.
Oh, right.
Okay.
That's just over-complicates matters.
Anyway, it's all about instinctive reactions.
Yes.
Like that book, Blink.
You know, we've talked about that.
People who think are idiots.
They're over-analyzed.
It's all about thin slicing.
It's about... Yeah, what?
Thin slicing.
That's what he calls it.
Is that the new one?
Does he?
Yeah.
It's all about instinctive reactions, snap judgments.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I made an instinctive snap judgment based on the title of this track and I chose it as free play because it's by an artist I admire very much, Robin Hitchcock.
This is a track from his new album Goodnight Oslo and it's called Saturday Groovers because you see, it's Saturday, we're like groovers and
I wish you'd stop thinking.
That's absolutely true.
I mean, I've sent everything off in a weird direction.
No, that's nice.
It was good to have a pause as well, because maybe people would sense the affection.
Some people might get angry about that and just say, don't be so insincere.
You don't even know us.
How can you say something like that?
That's true.
What would I say back to them?
I don't know.
I don't know what you'd say, because you tell people you love them a lot on this programme.
At the end of every show you say it, and if people felt that, then they probably would have been repelled by you long ago.
I would have thought.
Yeah, it's too late.
Anyway, listen, have you seen the film Trans-Siberian?
No, I haven't even heard of that.
It's a film and it's about Woody Harrelson and Ben Kingsley on the Trend Siberian Express.
Is this a new film?
Yeah, kind of.
It's one of those films that sort of has failed to be liked by anybody, so it's hard to tell when it was released, you know?
Is it available on DVD?
It is available on DVD.
I bought it for £25 on Blu-ray.
What made you buy it?
Like the famous name?
I just like a train movie.
Yeah.
I like Runaway Train with Jon Voight.
That's right.
I like The Polar Express.
Yes.
I love train movies.
The Cassandra Crossing.
A train is a good place for a film.
Sure.
Everything's moving all the time.
I think even a static conversation is fascinating because of what's out the window.
Absolutely.
You can hang off the side.
Yeah.
Detach the carriages.
Train bits in films are always memorable, you're right.
Biff the driver and take control and go too fast and oh no you're gonna go off the points!
Yeah, someone's making an annoying phone call in the quiet carriage.
Oh no!
That's your train film.
That's the Buckles Express action film.
Harrison Ford gets
furious with someone making a call in a quiet carriage.
It'd be like falling down on a train.
Exactly.
Just a really annoyed man.
Anyway, so I bought Transcyberian because actually I read an Empire magazine.
Kim Newman does a column where he recommends straight to video releases that are actually quite good.
I bought it.
It was a complete stinker.
Right.
It was rubbish.
Again, I'm compelled to say a dirty swear word to try and communicate how poor it was, but I can't, I shan't.
Joe Cornish, you're involved in the movie industry yourself now.
How can you be so indiscreet?
You might be working with Sir Ben one day.
You're absolutely right.
And he would have heard the podcast and he would have said...
He does listen to the podcast.
You know, Joe, I heard what you said one time about Transciberian Express.
You rude mangy.
I ain't working with you, you dress, you dirty trouser nonce.
Because that's what Kingsley sounds like, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a poor film.
It was one of those films where people make decisions that you in your own life would never make.
And in doing so, they kind of detach you from the experience.
Do you know what I mean?
Sure.
You just think, oh, you're an idiot.
Why did you do that?
You just deserve everything that's coming to you.
That's what happens every time I watch EastEnders.
There you go.
Anyway, this is a very long winded way of saying I took it back to the shop to get my money back to HMV.
I thought, I'm going to take this back to the shop.
That's not a good criteria for getting your money back, though.
I didn't like it.
Well, I thought, maybe I can generate an anecdote for the program by being provocative in what I say to them when I take it back.
Because when you return things to shops, they have a thing above the counter that says, it says, if your product is a gift bought in error, we will exchange it.
So usually you can just go in and say, look, I bought this for my friend.
They've already got it.
Can I swap it?
I went up and I said to him, hello, this is broken.
I'd like my money back.
And he said, oh, yeah, is it broken?
I said, well, not really, but the film's broken.
It's rubbish.
The story doesn't work.
The characters are ineffectual.
It's it's a broken film.
Did you really say?
Yeah, I did say that.
I thought this is brilliant.
We're going to have an argument.
I'm going to have a brilliant anecdote for the show.
He smiled and laughed and said, all right.
Gave you your money back.
Swapped it for Moonraker.
Which is wicked.
It is wicked.
Yeah, he goes into space.
I know.
Yeah.
Jaws is up there.
It's the end of that story.
Oh, that's disappointing, isn't it?
Next time you take something back, why don't you try saying something?
I am going to try saying something.
Slightly provocative.
Well, you know, shop assistants where I come from might not be so good human about that.
In Norfolk, this was HMV Oxford Street.
What's the world coming to when a shop assistant like that gets a sense of humor?
You know?
That's a disgrace.
Adam and Jo here on BBC6 Music.
Pre-recorded, I have to tell you we're not actually live right now, but it's a wonderful pleasure to be with you.
It's almost as if we've been resurrected.
Right, that's in questionable taste on this.
Why?
Because you might offend someone, and if you were to offend someone, that would be offensive.
That's true, isn't it?
Yeah.
Adam's right, we haven't been resurrected.
We're dead, we're both dead.
See, that's offensive to dead people and people who... I just said, oh God.
Exactly.
So you are all over the place as far as being offensive goes.
You're off, get your coat, get out.
Have you ever been on one of those trains, right, where the toilets are like a circular, it's a big,
Big circular toilet.
Yeah, like the door to a photo-developing room.
Like the man-in-man hunter takes the blind lady to.
Good times.
What a great film that was.
And they've got the big curvaceous door that you have to slide round.
Like the first time you used one of those, I'm assuming you have used one in your life, did it take you like about half an hour to figure out what was going on?
For the sake of making you feel better, yes, it did.
Really, you figured it out instantaneously.
No, you know what?
I don't remember.
But the fact that I don't remember probably means I got in there all right.
I had to ask someone.
Did you?
You had to ask somebody.
I had to ask someone.
You better ask somebody to use the circular toilet.
Who did you ask?
A child.
I asked the man who was just sat nearest.
Really?
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Um, I'm trying to use the... Lou, any idea how it works?
Describe the handle.
Well, there's no handle.
There's just butons, right?
Right.
So does one say open?
No.
No.
No.
What they say is, well, there's a buton on the outside, which maybe says open.
I'll give you that, right?
So that's the easy part.
press that, bongo, the door starts sliding open, good times, hooray, I'm going to be doing my business very soon.
But then, when you're inside the circular lav, that's when the problems begin, because you're presented with two buttons.
One says D, the other says L. No, that's obvious.
What do they mean?
Do-do's?
Lulu's.
Do-do's and leaky's.
Do-do's and leaky-loo's.
Well, of course, that's the logical language for it.
Of course, that's the logical assumption.
You know, you're going in there for number one and you press L for leekies or Lulu, whatever you want to call it.
Right.
But you would be wrong to do that because what that's doing is locking the door and you haven't even closed the door yet.
You still with me?
Yes.
So what you have to do is press D for door.
How is that logical?
So once you press D for door.
You're in there.
Are you in there now?
I'm in there.
You've opened it.
You've stepped inside.
Stepped inside.
You're attempting to close it.
I'm desperate.
Your choice is D and L. D and L. I'm desperate as well.
D for desperate.
D for desperate.
So you close, you press D finally.
You're not quite sure what's happening.
You're pressing the doors randomly, the buttons randomly.
The door starts closing, but only after a very long lag after you've pressed the button, right?
In fact, you're not even sure if anything's actually going to happen.
So you press the button again, then the door sort of slides back open.
Meanwhile, people are looking at you
and thinking, you're the stupidest, one of the stupidest people ever created.
I still can't get the door, finally you get the door shut.
You're thinking, right, how do I lock it?
Obviously you press L for lock.
So you lock it and then you have to have the whole problem.
I mean, I'm making it sound... No, it sounds unintuitive.
It does sound unintuitive.
D and L?
They don't teach you that as kids.
They're not used anywhere else.
I don't think so.
No.
What you want is an O and a C. What's that for?
Open and close?
Yeah.
Weird.
I need some really serious kind of help.
Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bargain
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
It's 9.30 and time for the news.
That's Doves with Kingdom of Rust.
This is Adam and Jo with you on BBC6 Music.
This is a pre-record, but there's no need to talk about that.
No, well we have to mention it every now and again so that you don't text us or email us or phone us because that would be a waste of your money and we'd be very depressed about it.
But it's Easter Saturday, which is a fun day, isn't it?
Absolutely.
Are you going on an Easter egg hunt?
No, there won't be any Easter egg hunting, I don't think, this weekend.
For the Cornish household, what happens in the Buckles household on an Easter Sunday?
Well, we've got children now, of course, so it's mo fun.
Hunting time.
And this is going to be your first Easter in the countryside, so there's a lot of
scope for hunting.
My childhood was full of Easter egg hunts in Devonshire.
Right.
In the woods.
Did your parents used to write out complicated clues?
Yes, one time loads of cousins we all used to do it in a massive group and the clues used to go from a house on a hill all the way down the drive into a forest and one Easter the secret golden egg was hidden in the lake in a plastic bag in the river in a plastic bag under the bridge.
Well, are they trying to drown you or something?
No, they were trying to give us explorative fun.
Shallow river, this is.
Yeah, yeah, a lovely little stream is the word.
Stream is what I was looking for.
I was picturing like a raging torrent and all these little children just going in their pied python.
No.
It was fun.
It was amazing.
Easter egg hunts.
They're brilliant.
Are you going to do that kind of thing?
Yeah, definitely.
Maybe not as ambitious as that.
You should go ambitious, man.
Well, why not go ambitious?
Yeah, because always have grand plans.
I always think this year is going to be amazing.
I'm going to think of some fantastic clues and stuff.
Basically, what they get the most fun out of is just racing like you scatter a load of eggs in one vicinity.
and they sort of see the paper gleaming there in the flowers.
You're encouraging them to be overly competitive.
You've got to make it so they have to use their brains.
Bit of intuitive and logic and stuff, because that can get very competitive.
Do you have a thing where you put big eggs, so there's a big egg for each child, and the big egg has their name on it, but then you have lots of little eggs, cheaper eggs for whoever finds them.
That's right.
That can get violent.
Yeah.
I remember it getting violent in the past.
I remember certain cousins collecting too many little eggs, getting like a one that's slightly older than you, maybe shoving you out of the way, getting very competitive.
That can happen.
Aggressive.
And we give them little baskets as well, so they go around putting them in the baskets.
Yeah, but what about an Easter?
And they're constantly comparing baskets.
I wish I could describe the look on Joe's smug face when he said that.
As if that was it.
That's all you're going to need for the next hour is that I said, yeah, and what about Easter?
What are you going to do with that?
I think you should go for clues.
Yeah.
Elaborate clues.
My first is in egg, but not in Donald.
What's that clue for?
I don't know, but it'll keep them busy all afternoon.
Yeah.
You can kick back and watch some telly.
My first is... Dad!
My first is an egg.
But what was it but not Donald?
Donald.
That'll take him a while.
Yeah, that will.
He'll be there till Christmas.
More music now.
Here is Naughty by Nature with Hip Hop Hooray.
Wow, that is how the world sounded in 1993.
Naughty by nature with hip-hop.
Hooray!
Right now, Joe, we've got a message that came through from a chap called Richard.
And he says, hey there, Adam and Joe.
I was wondering if you could recommend any good movies.
I was thinking of some people who seem to have good taste in movies and you too sprung to mind.
Many thanks.
Richard.
That's a nice email.
It's very good that he would think of us to recommend films.
Sometimes it's hard to respond to that kind of email because of the quantity we get.
We don't get that many, but because we read them all ourselves, it takes a bit of time.
So what are you thinking?
Are you thinking we should recommend him some films?
He's giving the impression that he hasn't seen any.
None films.
None films at all.
So for someone who hasn't seen any films at all... Where would you start?
Well, you'd start with just your simple train coming towards the camera.
Because famously, historically, that had an enormous impression.
Everyone thought that they were going to be squashed by the train.
So you would start with like a history of the cinema.
You'd go right back to the beginning.
No, I just think if this guy hasn't seen films before, then it'll work on, you know, stories and characters might be too difficult for him.
Yeah.
You should start just with the visceral thrill of moving objects.
OK.
So maybe... Well, Mamma Mia.
Mamma Mia.
That would do the job, wouldn't it?
Exactly.
That hasn't got a story or characters.
It's just colours and moving objects and sounds.
I tell you what other good films... What's another good film?
Galaxy Quest.
That's a good film.
Yeah, that's a very good film.
I would start there personally.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Yeah.
I'd go for... Maybe Oliver, that's good.
Did you go for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?
That's a great film.
In what way?
Great.
It's got good songs.
I mean, yes, that's true.
There are good bits.
It's got a flying car.
It's hard to sit through.
The dad's an inventor.
I disagree.
I like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang a lot.
It comes off for about four years.
The Truly Scrumptious.
That's the worst song in the whole film.
You're really, truly scrumptious.
Do you really like that song?
Yep.
It's a disgrace.
I had the album when I was a kid, so... Toot, sweets!
Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot, sweets!
The wonderful... Toot
That's one of the best films ever made.
Do you think?
Ivan Reitman.
I think it's a bit of a TV drama myself.
You're insane.
It's un-cinematic.
It's underrated.
It's brilliant.
It's what it is.
It's terrifically written.
Sigourney Weaver.
Good for telly.
Very good telly watch.
Yeah.
Wouldn't go out to the cinema to see that.
It's classic cinema.
Do you think?
Yes, I do.
All right.
Serious recommendation.
Not that Dave wasn't.
The escapist.
Haven't seen that.
That's good, man.
It was unusual.
And it's about a... It's Brian Cox plotting an escape from prison.
And it's very cleverly structured and plotted, nice little cat.
I mean, you know, it's not like the best film ever made, but it's unusually good, I would say.
I'd recommend a film.
I think it's Danish, it's European, it's called The Substitute.
Right.
It's about a substitute teacher who turns up at a school who is an alien.
Oh!
It's very good.
What a bit like The Faculty.
Yeah, but much, much, much better.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, you can only get it in America, I think.
The substitute.
Yeah, and it's mis-packaged.
It's packaged like a horror film.
I'm gonna write that down.
But if you buy it, if you order it, it looks like a sort of silly horror film, but when you get it, you realise they're just trying to flog it to horror fans because they sort of don't know what to do with it.
Yeah.
It's basically a children's film, but it's got swearing and it's quite sort of violent and you know, like the sort of children's films they used to make.
with swearing and violence.
Yeah, well, Indiana Jones' The Temple of Doom had swearing, the Goonies, all those 70s and 80s spilled by family films.
They're quite transgressive in the way that raiders had exploding heads that you hadn't seen, you know, that were usually in films like Scanners.
They gave kids, you know, they gave kids slightly edgy stuff, edgy stuff back in those days.
So that's a good recommendation, the substitute.
I've written that one down, very nice.
The film Gonzo.
It's a documentary about Hunter S. Thompson, which I read some sniffy reviews about.
You know, because sometimes it's a bit like the slumdog millionaire thing, right?
Wonderful film.
But it's weird how people make a decision to get behind something in some cases or not get behind other things, you know what I mean?
And they just get totally sidelined.
Like the slumdog billionaire
There was a kind of unconscious memo that went round.
Everyone was thinking, oh, wow, I've got to get behind this.
Everyone's getting behind this.
I'm going to get behind it too.
You know what I mean?
And there was suddenly just a tidal wave.
It was unstoppable and it was just winning every single award.
You know what I mean?
If you were one of the people who was not going to get behind it, that was a statement in itself.
I'm not going to get behind Slumdog.
I didn't think it was that good.
I thought it was a bit overrated, that kind of thing.
Opinions.
It becomes all about, you know, the opinions become more important than the film itself in a way.
Anyway, listen, I'm going off the point because the fact is that people were sniffy about this Hunter S. Thompson documentary.
I thought it was brilliant, brilliantly made, really interesting.
You know, obviously, if you know everything there is to know about Hunter S. Thompson, it might not be that wonderful, but I didn't.
And I found it fascinating.
Two guns up.
Two guns up.
It was great.
Yeah, here's a little bit more from King Creosote's new album, Flick the V's.
It's out on April the 20th, I do believe.
And this track's called Rims.
Flaming Lips there with Satellite of You, recorded for six music on July the 11th, 2002.
That was a session track.
I love sessions.
It was good, wasn't it?
Yeah, I mean, imagine.
Now, Nick Frost at the Brits several months ago, or weeks ago, did you see him presenting an award?
No, I didn't, I missed that.
He's a very brilliant, funny and forthright man, Nick Frost.
Oh no, wait, maybe I did, yes.
And he doesn't beat around the bush.
In fact, I think he takes pleasure in saying exactly what he thinks.
He came on to present his award, which was for best, something with live music.
And he said something along the lines of,
I don't really like live music.
I don't think it sounds as good as recorded music.
It's not the right format for music live, so I don't know why I'm presenting this.
Anyway.
It was a joke though, wasn't it?
It was a joke, but I also think it probably kind of wasn't a joke.
It was a joke in that he was saying something sort of completely antithetical to what he was doing there.
Yeah.
And being sort of provocative and thought-provoking and kind of, uh, riballed.
Yeah.
But I bet you he thinks that.
Well, I mean, I don't know that he thinks that, but I think maybe he does think that.
You're either a live music person.
I mean, we talked about this before, haven't we?
But, you know, John Lennon in an interview, he said when he was talking to Bob Harris on one of those old Grey Whistle Test shows,
that he didn't like going to see live music because it didn't sound like it did on the record.
And his experience with falling in love with music was listening to the records and loving the production and that one moment of magic sort of captured in the studio.
I think that might be what Nick was saying.
Yeah.
But if you feel that same way, then you wouldn't have liked that flaming lips track, the session track.
Right.
You wouldn't like any of the hub sessions.
Yeah, but sometimes you get something different, though.
This is the thing, isn't it?
If you're a good band, an interesting band, you might add a little extra nugget.
That's true.
Like, if you're Sting, and you're doing old police numbers, why not do them jazz funk stars?
That is a good idea.
Exactly.
You see, I loved it when I went to see Joe Jackson back in the day, and he had remodeled all his pubby punk classics as kind of Calypso numbers and reggae numbers.
Fantastic.
Why not play your hits really fast?
Yeah.
Why not double the tempo?
Uh-huh.
Why not get members of the audience to come up and sing your favourite?
Why not not be able to hit the high notes and change the vocal register of certain bits of the vocal?
Very nice idea.
Why not, like Bobo Williams at Glastonbury, just refuse to sing large chunks of your favourite hit and just point the microphone at the audience as if that's going to be in any way enjoyable?
All good options to make live music distinct from recorded music.
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
We've solved some problems.
Here's a bit more recorded music, studio recorded music.
This is Cassabian with Vlad the Impaler and this has got an exciting video starring Noel Fielding.
Directed by Richard Ioannoni.
Really?
Yeah.
And he's loitering around a field with a big stake and impaling people.
Very much like the eponymous hero.
Vlad the Impaler.
Yeah.
Is it good?
I haven't seen the video.
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah.
It's Grindhouse style.
Right.
Yeah.
Are they going for the horror or the comedy?
A bit of both.
Some good moustaches in there.
Yeah.
If you like moustaches.
Anyway, this is Cosabian with Vlad the Impaler.
This is the voice of the big, pretty castle.
It is the top of the hour.
Ooh, that's wonderful.
I got so bored with the last hour.
That was Maps by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Their new album is supposed to be an absolute smash.
Really?
Are they playing at the Camden thing?
They are.
They're at the Camden Crawl.
Yeah, we're going to be their listeners.
The Camden Crawl is an exciting event that you can simply find out about on the internet or on the BBC 6 Music website.
The four are going to be playing at the Camden
Wow.
I might go and try and bother Mark E. Smith, you know.
That's a good idea.
Because we haven't seen him since the olden days when we did a Final Justice with him for the Adam and Joe show.
I'm scared of him.
He tried to kill me.
He did.
He put a plastic bag over Joe's head.
He tried to suffocate me.
He didn't like me.
I think it's because I told him I didn't really know his music.
It was a strange meeting.
We were dressed as policemen with Nick Berry badges on and records on top of our heads, and the idea was to pretend that we were looking through M.E.
Smith's music collection.
However, he didn't want us to come to Manchester to do it in his real house, so we faked it up.
Something that you could not do these days.
No.
We faked it up in my flat in Clarkhamwell, where I used to live, and he came round to my tiny little basement flat
And we turned up there with our DVD cameras to do a bit of filming.
And he came in and he was very well behaved for the first hour or so.
He'd brought a few records with him.
But then after a while, after we'd had a couple of complimentary vodkas, he got very quiet and started staring out the window and didn't want to do any more talking.
And so we were trying to establish whether he was angry or what.
And then after a while, he just got very cantankerous.
And one of the things he did was to amuse himself and us, I think, he put a plastic bag over Joe's head, sat him down, like forced him down onto the couch, sat on his head while he was smoking a ciggy.
This was happening as well.
So Joe was a little worried about being burned apart from anything else.
And then he started smacking Joe's head through the plastic bag.
Do you think it was a way of trying to show affection?
I think it might be.
That's what he's like in his world.
That's a very deep sign of affection.
Maybe he wanted to impress me.
Right.
You know, he knew he knew you were a big fan.
He knew I was a bit indifferent.
Yeah.
So maybe he secretly wanted to win me over.
Right.
Maybe we can ask him.
So, yeah, I might go up and say hello just for old time's sake.
I wonder what mood he'll be in.
You can never tell with Mr. Smith.
Silent, furious, melancholy, violent.
He doesn't give much away.
I mean, I don't think he's really very interested in the whole business of socialising extracurricular socialisation, but I'm still excited to see the fall.
Yeah, that's an exciting prospect, and for more information about the Camden Crawl and Six Musics activities therein, just check out the Six Music website.
Here's a bit more music.
This is from the Super Furry Animals forthcoming album, their ninth studio album, called Dark Days, forward slash Light Years.
And Franz Ferdinand's Nick McCarthy performs a spoken word piece in the track.
Is that exciting?
That is exciting.
I've never heard this.
I want to hear this.
Let's hear it.
This is the Super Furry Animals with Inaugural Tram.
Super furry animals with inaugural trams.
That was seemed to me to be a song about how critical transport is to the survival of the planet.
How important it is that we, you know, develop public transport and trams and have integrated transport hubs.
I'm pleased to see that phrase being used lyrically in contemporary music.
Reduce emissions by 25%.
Yeah.
But it was difficult to know what was going on with the spoken word passage there, because Nick McCarthy spoke German there.
Very nice German.
What was he saying?
Do you have a grasp of German?
Well, I could hear the counting.
There was a lot of numbers in there.
Yeah, there was something about sexuality or something.
No, wir fum sech sieben nacht.
So that's five, six, seven, eight.
I immediately thought it was sexy.
Well, it might be sexy as well.
But I mean, that's pretty insane.
Don't you think that song, like on the Nutty Scale, is, I would say, a nine?
Yes, but intelligent.
Oh, I'm not putting it down.
And musically, I mean, that's going to be a good album, isn't it?
You would think so.
I bet it's a good album.
Their albums always get very good reviews.
It's hard to tell sometimes, like, you know, because they're one of those bands that people have so much affection for.
They find it hard to be critical.
You think they get an easy ride.
Critically, yeah.
I mean, well, it's a good thing because I'm glad they exist.
Sorry to interrupt.
Do you think you could produce a piece of music that's really awful?
And I'm not saying this is true of the super furry animals in any shape or form.
No, I like that song.
But theoretically, could you produce a piece of music that has all the correct bells and whistles to please a critic, but there is a stinky old load of old stuff.
Happens all the time.
So what would you need?
Clever lyrics about something sophisticated, maybe a romantic author, or something obscure from history?
Particular noises?
Super furries, they go for kind of crazy, fairground, sort of so juvenile that it comes around the other way.
Well, they're magpies though, aren't they?
They veer stylistically from place to place in an extraordinary way.
But yes, easily.
I mean, it happens all the time.
You just have to flick through the enemy to look at bands who've just got the right bits in the right order.
If we had some sort of songwriting contest on the show, that could be like a theme.
Yeah.
To write a piece of song for song... Write a piece of song?
Yes.
To write a piece of song that is... Oh, shut up.
Anyway.
Let's move on.
It's time for your free choice.
You just exhausted yourself.
You got bored of myself.
It does happen.
Yes, listeners, I've got a bit of music from The Doors.
Now, I love The Doors.
This is from one of their albums, which actually, talking about critics, was not critically well received and is still considered the worst Doors album by a lot of people.
and it's soft parade.
But I've got a very big soft spot for it, a big soft parade spot.
And this is a track on it that goes on a little bit too long.
But I'm really setting this up well, aren't I?
I'm really selling this one.
I'm excited about it.
But it is a good track.
It's called Shaman's Blues.
This is The Doors.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music on Saturday.
That's the day it is.
Yeah, this is a pre-recorded show, listeners, so please don't email or text us for this show because we're not here at this very moment.
If you're a regular listener, you might be missing the features in this programme.
You might think, well where's Text the Nation?
What about some structure?
What about some song wars?
Or one of our favourite two regular features that recur relentlessly?
You might be worried by the sort of freeform rambling nature of this.
Don't be.
It's because it's Easter.
And it's traditional at Easter not to have any features in radio shows.
It was a thing that happened in ancient Rome.
What noises are you making for that?
I'm in sick.
Because I'm so upset by lack of features.
Don't be sick.
That in and of itself is a feature.
So listen, let's talk about something serious instead.
You know when you buy clothes and you need to try them on?
I can remember.
And you go into a changing room?
Sure.
And there's no mirror in the changing room.
And you put your new pair of trusons on.
Because you're expected to go out of the changing room and that's what I'm getting to.
So you've got a new pair of trusons, or a jocket, and you pop it on and in the changing room, which is already slightly disturbing, you know, standing around in your knickknocks in a weird cubicle.
Sexy.
Sexy.
And then you want to see a reflection of yourself to see how the jockets and the knickknocks and the pantaloons look.
And the trojans.
So you have to usually step outside the changing room and go to some sort of mirror.
Yes.
That is usually very publicly placed in the middle of the shop floor.
That's right.
You usually don't have your shoes on because who would put their shoes back on just to check the fit of a pair of trousers?
Only a boar.
So you end up, also you might have a piece of clothing that overhangs the top of the trousers.
Also the trousers might not even look good on you.
You might look like an absolute wally.
With all these things going against you, you open the door to your cubicle and you stride boldly out onto the shop floor where other customers are free to look at you and make judgments.
Look at that idiot.
Because that's what happens.
You go up to the mirror and you look at yourself and then do you or do you not do some little poses?
Sure.
And are or are they not everyone else in the shop?
This isn't a very good sentence.
Looking at you.
Are or are they not everyone else in the shop?
Looking at you, yeah.
Is that not the case?
Yeah, checking out your posing.
Usually thinking, they don't look very good.
Your bum looks big in that.
And then usually you have to, one has to, you have to pull off your shirt a bit to see the waist, to see how the bottom looks, the Botox.
Does that not happen to you?
Yes, of course.
And do you go over the top on the posing to make a joke out of it?
Sometimes I make it a little bit silly, yeah, or I grin.
Usually I like to have someone else there, like my lady girlfriend partner.
Then it's very easy because you can talk to her, you feel secure, you make funny faces.
Exactly.
When you're on your own, it's terrifying.
that when you're on your own the public in the store becomes your audience and you're performing for them
You're being really supportive of this one.
Thank you.
That's really good.
No, listen, I'm serious.
Yeah, get started.
Oh, Joe.
Joe, Joe Cornish.
Cornballs, admiral.
You know, I feel I've identified a brilliant little corner of human paranoia.
You have.
What I do is I never have the presence of mind to make a joke out of it and do like a...
ostentatiously silly pose.
And what I do is I look absolute, I scurry out.
I sneak a glance at myself in the mirror, probably not even long enough to establish whether the trousers really do look good or not.
And then I scurry back in, sort of thinking, trying to recall in my mind the image of myself in the mirror wearing the new, was it good?
I can't remember.
I'm too embarrassed to scurry out for another one because I'm so embarrassed about the whole business.
Just get out of there.
Well, this is what happens.
Usually, I never buy trousers.
I've had the same pair of trousers for about the last 10 years.
In fact, I bought some recently, but the thing is that I scurried out and took such a brief look
that I completely misjudged it.
They were awful.
They didn't even fit.
Were those the big red Arabian Nights ones you wore for a long period?
That's the ones, yeah, with the big stars on them.
Yeah, they were no good.
You wore them for years.
And yet some people have absolutely no qualms about this kind of thing.
I was on the train the other day, right?
And this lady, she reached up to the luggage rack to retrieve her newspaper or something.
She was elderly.
And the fellow sitting on the chair across the aisle, who was absolutely a big fat man, right?
And there's no question about it.
Yeah.
He wouldn't be upset if I said that.
The elderly and the fat.
Yeah.
And... They're in your band.
What are you writing down?
You know, they just seem like good targets.
They're not targets.
They happen to come into this conversation.
I'm joking, of course.
Oh, you've made me look like I'm targeting the elderly and the fat, which I'm absolutely not.
Cut this bit out.
It says Joe, thinking, this is a pre-record, we can loosen the embarrassing stuff.
So the fellow sitting across on the other side of the aisle, who was, let me say, a portly gentleman, he was massively fat.
He gets up, right, and he very nicely says, oh, let me help you with that to the lady.
And so he reaches up for the newspaper, he reaches over her, right?
so that the lady has to lean right back in her seat to avoid his massive belly which is spilled out from his t-shirt that he was wearing, right?
The t-shirt just rode right up over his huge belly and he was shoving it right in this woman's face while he was reaching for the paper.
She was going, no, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
I can get it.
No, no, that's all right.
Let me help you.
Nice sound effect.
Maybe he volunteers for jobs like that because it gives him a bit of physical contact.
Maybe.
He seemed like a really nice man, but he wasn't bothered at all about the... I'm not saying he should necessarily be bothered about his body size, but it just seemed pretty wild that he would be so unfussed by his shirt riding up.
Just him doing this massive sexy belly dance on this whole lady.
So there you go, trouser buying, fat people, the elderly, trains, all the main subjects of interest.
You said fat people, that's very offensive, is it?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, because it's... What should I have said, portly gentlemen?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dress it up somehow.
Yeah.
In a big pair of Arabian pantaloons.
With stars on them.
It's Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music, it's 10.30 and it's time for the new...
The Maccabees with Love You Better.
Fun Maccabees fact.
Guitarist Felix White was formerly in a band with close friend and current solo artist, Jack Piñate, with whom's music we started the show today.
With whom's?
Yeah.
That's a good fact, man.
Thank you.
Well done.
Do people on the street and stuff and your friends, do they pull you up on your grammatical errors that you make on this show?
Not really.
I think out of a lot of radio shows, this is probably one of the better spoken ones.
Well, certainly accent-wise, but sometimes I know I'm often guilty of just using words wrongly or just getting like even earlier today I said criteria where I should have said criterion.
Oh dear.
My brother gets on my case about it.
Does he?
Yeah, he's a kind of Radio 4 dictionary bore.
Is he now?
Well, rightly so.
It's good to talk proper.
Otherwise, you know, you might be in a life or death situation where grammar and sentence construction is the key.
For instance, I don't know what that situation would be.
I think it's in Sharkboy and Lava Girl that happens.
Really?
Sylvester Stallone, is he?
He's the villain in that, isn't he?
No, he was in the previous one.
He was in one of the Spy Kids movies.
Spy Kids 3 and 3D.
Wow, that's good knowledge.
Good Rodriguez knowledge.
Yeah, my children love him, man.
Really?
My children think Rodriguez is a genius.
Even Sharkboy and Lavagirl went down there.
Really?
Oh, boy.
But yes, you know, in there they do battle all kinds of academic style battle in a virtual world.
And certainly a good grasp of grammar would have helped them.
They should have some sort of test for kids.
You know where they all get tested?
Right, in like a big house.
Yes, some sort of sports ball that really stinks.
They should do it every two or three years, maybe.
More often than that, I think.
More often.
Yeah, and the results of that test should then directly affect your success in life.
Well, they should scare the little chaps into thinking that it will ruin your life if you do
Yeah, the world is a meritocracy, a statistical meritocracy, and a statistocracy.
And that these exams are absolutely important.
I call them exams, right?
Why?
Because it has the X in it.
Yes.
And an X frightens a child, and that's good.
Yeah.
Well, that's a good idea.
We should suggest that to the government.
Right.
Here's a free play.
This is an exciting new band.
They're called North Atlantic Oscillation.
And you know what?
They're so exciting and new.
You can't get any albums by them.
Really?
Yeah, they released an EP, but it's all sold out.
But I like this a lot.
I've been playing it a lot and it's kind of got into my head like a weird disease.
In fact, the other night I couldn't sleep.
I had insomnia.
Do you get that every now and then?
Every now and again, yeah.
For some reason, I just could not sleep.
And this song kind of went round and round in my head.
Like a feverish loop.
Yeah.
Does that ever happen to you?
Very often.
It drives me absolutely bananas.
Well, I say very often.
It happens almost always when I do have a fever.
What is it about that?
It's weird.
But, you know, that would suggest that I'd gone off the song because it made me feel ill.
But no.
No.
It's just taken root deep in my head.
I really like it.
It's called Alexanderplatz.
How did you find out about this band?
I went on a website called Art Rocker.
and found out about some new, I think they're a Scottish band, some new Scottish bands.
They were talking about bands that would sort of fill the shoes of the postcard bands that we liked in the 80s when we were kids.
They were talking about bands that are kind of doing the same thing now.
And this was one of those bands.
So check this out.
This is Alexander Platt by North Atlantic Oscillation.
That was Snow Patrol with Ask Me How I Am.
You're listening to Adam and Joe here on Saturday morning.
Pre-recorded.
He's not live.
It's not live.
It's not live.
Don't go thinking this is live.
You'd be deceiving yourself and the nation.
That's right.
And we wouldn't want to deceive you by making you think that it is live.
Hate lies.
Now, Joe, I don't know if you know this, but there's a podcast available of this program.
Really?
Yeah.
And it comes out on a Tuesday morning.
I think it has to go through rigorous checks for a couple of days.
And when it comes out, it is delightfully received by many thousands of listeners.
And we are very grateful for that fact.
I didn't know that.
However, Steve in Vancouver is not quite so happy.
I don't like the sound of this.
How do you do a Vancouver accent?
You say aboot, don't you?
I think you do.
I can only listen to the podcast version of the show being in Vancouver.
Hang on, that's just Tom Paulin.
Or no, Mark Cousins.
Is it?
No, it's good, though.
Keep going.
Mark Cousins is like this.
I can only listen to the podcast version of the show.
No, I'm not going to do an accent.
He says I can only listen to the podcast version of the show being in Vancouver.
One thing I notice about your show and BBC shows in general is the lack of audio compression.
A lot of people think that lots of dynamic range is a good thing.
How do you feel about that, Joe?
I don't have a strong opinion, but keep reading, but it's a pain when you're listening to an iPod via a car radio.
When the two of you are feigning the sharing of a secret, for example, or something like that, your conversations get down to a whisper.
now for example and to hear anything on the radio the volume has to be high up then one of you shouts like this and the car windows are blown out I'm sure both of you are completely familiar with compression but to illustrate and he sent us like a load of clips from recent shows that he's added various bits of different types of compression to to illustrate what he's talking about he's even sent graphs and waveforms Wow
I didn't click on that.
I read that email.
I didn't click on the links, but you obviously did.
And they, those things he specially devised for us.
Well, he's just illustrating that we could benefit from a bit of compression.
A bit more compression.
But I think it's out of our hands, Steve.
You know, that's BBC policy, perhaps not to do compression like that.
I'm really sorry about that.
I think it's completely out of our hands!
There goes Steve's windows again.
Yeah.
That was a little fun fact though for compression queens out there, if you're... Compression queens, poor old Steve.
No, you know, I'm a bit of a compression queen.
I used to get really upset about it in the early days of doing this show when the levels were wrong.
Sometimes the levels are different.
Sometimes they're different between mics.
Some weeks I'm really loud and you're really quiet and I just want myself to shut up.
But that's not to in any way diminish the extraordinary work of our producers who do everything within their power to make it sound as well as good as possible.
How do you feel about compression, Ben?
There you go, that's Ben.
He just decompressed.
Just had a massive release of compression and like a balloon and he's sunk in a... Don't bring up compression when Ben's around.
He absolutely detests it.
So sorry, Steve, in Vancouver.
We can't help you.
That was Alessi's ark with Over the Hill and she certainly is not over the hill because she's only 18.
She'll be over the hill next year.
She's from West London and that's her first official single release.
What a cynical thing to say.
That's suggesting that contemporary pop artists only have a sort of fashionable life of about a year.
Suggesting that the music biz just chews them up and spits them out.
Yeah, what a reductive and cynical thing to say.
Very, very cynical, especially to a young talented
artist beginning of an exciting career.
And especially on a radio station that specialises in supporting and growing new music.
I mean what a pathetic silly old thing to say.
What an idiot hole.
You are an idiot hole.
Her debut album Notes from the Treehouse is available now.
She's got a very extraordinary way of singing though, doesn't she?
She does.
It's all the rage, isn't it?
Like, you think maybe she's Icelandic or something, but then you realise she's got a kind of landing accent.
Well, she might have a mild speech impediment.
I don't think she does.
She's enunciating, but just in a very particular way.
It's important to have a sort of memorable way of singing if you're a young artist these days, isn't it?
Yeah, of course.
Especially if you're a young lady artiste.
Have you got any little quirks?
So some of the words you're saying are real and some of them are made up.
None of them are real.
It makes it easier to... Like Sigiros.
It's a little bit.
Basically I'm Nell from the film Nell.
Okay, yes.
Singing.
Imagine if Nell had a singing career.
If you haven't seen the film Nell, do get hold of it.
It is kind of a comedy classic.
Quite extraordinary.
That's a good idea though, that's a nice way of singing.
Yeah, I mean when we were at school parents used to pay a lot of money to give their kids elocution lessons so they would speak properly.
If you do that these days you are robbing your daughter of a singing career.
Right, you should cultivate the little weirdness in her voice.
Exactly, just buy her a guitar.
She'll be a millionaire by the time she's 19.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, I... What's this?
I don't know.
I'm riffing.
I'm trying to find my way of singing.
Right.
Well, that's a very manly voice.
I mean, I thought we were talking about ladies.
No, no, no, no, no.
Well, yeah, this is a lady doing a manly voice.
Right.
Well, you've got it instantly there.
You know, like they say about singers, oh, I thought he was black.
It turns out he's a white guy or vice versa.
Oh, I thought that was a bloke.
Turns out it's a woman.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought that was a white woman.
Turns out it was a black guy from New Orleans.
That doesn't make any sense at all, does it?
Oh, it's a good idea, though.
It's nonsense.
Sorry, I'm getting a bit addled.
The thing is that I'm so excited about my Easter eggs that my brain's wondering.
Oh, there's a lot of chocky chomping coming up tomorrow.
Listen, here's a little bit of blur.
This is pop scene.
This is the voice of the big, pretty castle.
It is the top of the hour.
Ooh, that's wonderful.
I got support with the last hour.
That's Morrissey with something is squeezing my skull.
His hat's too small maybe?
Or his headphones are on too tight?
Yeah, exactly.
Or someone's just got a squeezer and they're using it to squeeze his skull.
That's my Morrissey impression.
That's good, is it?
That's out on April the 27th.
It's his new single.
It's taken from his new album, Years of Refusal, which was released in February.
As if listeners to this show wouldn't know that.
So, Jocornish.
Yeah.
A few weeks ago on the show, I was ranting about litter.
I wish to talk about it again, do a litter update, because, Joe, I had my first successful litter confrontation.
Really?
With some Utes.
Ute.
And I fear utes, right?
Everyone, everyone sensible fears.
I don't.
Of a certain age.
I like them.
Well, you should fear them because, you know, they wear hoodies and they're a threat to society.
Obviously, I'm joking.
I'm doing a clever parody of people's... Right.
The truth is you like them.
I'm afraid of them.
Exactly.
Yeah.
But I saw I was at Cambridge station the other day on my way home to Norfolk after the show and There were some young people I would say aged it was a gang of around 10, right?
10 young people aged between about 11 and and to well, no, but they were quite young they were aged between about 11 and 16 but still fairly right on the cusp of being sort of quite intimidating especially as a big gang 11 and
No, no, no.
They were around 11 to 16.
Right.
And 12.
There was a lot of them.
Nee, nee, nee, nee, nee, nee, sub-command, arms, torpedo.
No, no, no.
I'm just trying to make it seem like a less threatening situation in my head.
They were not only dropping litter, they were throwing it in a kind of, with a flourish, a cavalier flourish.
Enjoying the throwing of litter.
Enjoying the littering.
And so I watched it for a little bit and I just thought, oh, this is too much, you know, this is too much to bear.
And I missed the first, like I missed the opportunity to say something after the first couple of times because the litter was blowing all over the platform onto the tracks and stuff like that.
And I thought, oh.
I've got to say something, because this is just flagrant, outrageous littering.
And it is so depressing to see that.
What did you say?
So after a while, this guy, I waited till one of the really small ones did it.
And then I went up and I said, hey, hey, hey, why are you just throwing that away onto the track then?
Why don't you just put it in the bin?
What are you doing?
Immediately, they all go quiet and they all look at this one guy and see how he's going to respond, right?
And he sort of looks around and he's a bit rattled and he sort of tries to ignore me.
So I go, hey, hey, I'm talking to you.
Why do you have to... And I try not to be aggressive, right?
You want to embarrass the guy.
I say, why are you throwing your litter down there?
Don't do that.
Someone else has got to pick it up.
What makes you so special that you can just throw things on the ground and then someone else has to come and pick them up?
Why are you so special?
So he looks at his mates and then he turns to me and goes,
Because I'm the king's son.
And that's a good answer.
Good comeback.
Yeah.
And I said to him, well that's a very good answer.
However, you're not the king's son.
And the fact is that someone else does have to pick it up.
That's disappointing.
I would have thought you could have come back with something wittier like... What would you have gone for?
Well alright Prince William.
Get off your hockey horse.
My wits weren't functioning at full capacity because I was quite nervous.
I was a little keyed up.
But then one of the guys, and there was a lot of girls who were looking around, and they weren't so happy about it.
They were the lippiest about it, right?
They said, well, that's what they pay cleaners for to me.
And I said, you don't really believe that.
That's a stupid thing to say.
They pay cleaners to pick up litter after jerks have thrown litter around.
You're not a jerk, right?
I was trying to get with the kids.
She wasn't sure, but another guy, like sitting a bit further back, said to his mate, the original guy that I spoke to, he said, come on, just pick it up and put it in the bin.
Yes.
And at that point I knew I was home free.
Well that's a sensible kid, good kid.
Yeah.
But I think the truth is there's a lot less litter than there used to be when we were kids.
Do you remember in the 70s London in the 70s it was like a giant... Yeah well there was a strike.
...trash heap.
Yeah but throughout it was a grottier place and generally things are a bit better now.
I suppose.
But still it's bad to throw litter kids and if you do throw litter then who knows Adam Buxton might come out and challenge you to some sort of a verbal throwdown.
James Brown with Talking Loud and Saying Nothing.
Absolutely no comment at all on this programme.
That was recorded in 1972 and this is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music.
Now Adam, you know I'm doing a little bit of or attempting to do some screenwriting as a sort of hobby kind of thing.
I've just come up with some ideas of maybe some lines that I wanted to run by you to use in
an action film.
Good idea, I've got lots of lines I could give you.
Have you?
Well can I try some of mine?
Yes, I'd love to hear.
I thought maybe the characters in the film are at a critical point and there's no time to lose, to take action and my idea is one character says, let's do this!
I like it.
How'd you like that?
I really like it.
Let's do this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then... Let's do this.
Yeah, and then the other character says, go, go, go!
I would have him say it more than that.
What, four goes?
More goes.
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go, go!
Seven times.
Seven times.
Yeah, so let's try it.
One, two, three, okay.
Let's do this!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
I laughed, I'm sorry.
I couldn't really, you ruined the drama.
But that seems to work, that seems to flow.
You do it, you do the let's do this.
Let's do this!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
That's very British and military sounding.
This is an American film.
Okay, do it again, do it again.
And plus it's not, it just needs to be more felt.
Alright, I can do it, I can do it.
Let's do this!
Go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go!
That works.
Okay, and then my idea for the next line is, there are several people in the scene, so let's do this!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Then the other character says, move!
Mmm.
Yep.
Move!
Because it adds more urgency.
Yeah, well, they've really got to get going and move and do it.
You really?
I like it.
And then they do it, the thing that they're supposed to be doing.
And then the characters, they encounter some kind of thing or event that they don't understand.
Some way.
Some kind of thing or event.
Yeah, I'm just keeping it vague, because I'm not quite sure of the story yet.
Is this how you write screenplays?
They encounter some kind of thing or event.
That would be action, that wouldn't be dialogue.
They encounter a thing or an event, but they don't know what it is.
So one of them says, what the hell's this?
or another line I had there was for someone to say, can someone tell me what the hell's going on?
That's a very good line.
Is this stuff you're getting off Spielberg?
No, this is stuff I've made up.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
And then it goes wrong.
And so my idea for the character
for the dialogue when it goes wrong is the other one of the characters probably the person that said let's do this at the beginning says let's get out of here I like it because he's the demonstrative one he's the one that he's the leader you know what I think you're missing a trick there I love right I got one more I love what the what's going on did you say yeah can someone tell me what's going on can someone tell me what's going on yes and then let's get out of here and then the other idea I had was what the hell was that
Yeah.
Could someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?
Yes.
How about that?
Yes.
And of course if you could swear all those lines would be much better because you'd put swearing in there as well.
Could someone please hecking tell me what the ruddy heck is going on?
Let's do this.
Go go go go go go go go.
Move!
What the hell's this?
Can someone tell me what's going on?
Let's get out of here.
What the hell was that?
That's a good scene though, isn't it then?
That's a very good scene.
I mean, that's all you really need for a scene.
Yeah.
That's good dialogue.
It's full of character.
It's got a thing or event.
It's very driven.
That's brilliant, man.
I mean, I'm excited to see some of your films when they get made.
I'm really looking forward to it.
Thanks, man.
This is PJ Harvey and John Parrish with black-hearted love.
That was the sound of PJ Harvey and John Parrish with black-hearted love.
We were on a plane with PJ Harvey once.
We were, weren't we?
She was attractive.
She was.
She was wearing very tight leathers.
I remember black leathers.
She looked like leather trousers.
A kind of little minx.
Really?
Is that the right word?
It's a bit sexist.
It's a little bit sexist.
Sorry about that.
Yeah, to me she looked like a very noble and intelligent young woman.
An intelligent, uh, self-possessed woman.
To me she looked like a little lebbery minx.
That's why you read Nutz Magazine and your favourite film is Lesbian Vampire Killers.
Guilty as charged, your honour.
I've got a bit of traditional jazz coming up.
Did you ever go through a trad jazz phase?
Not really.
I mean, trad jazz does not do justice to the track I'm going to play by Duke Ellington, who was by no means traditional, was a trailblazer in his own way and a very respected behemoth of the jazz world.
And this is a great track, Take the A Train, but it's one of the few that survived a period of about, let me see, about nine months in my early 20s when I thought, I'm going to get into jazz.
I'm going to consume a lot of jazz.
And I started with all like the Louis Armstrong's and I think inspired by the film Manhattan, you know, one of the things he talks about is Louis Armstrong's recording of Potato Head Blues.
I thought, I'm going to start with that.
Sure enough, it's very good.
But a lot of the other jazz that I listened to wasn't that good, you know?
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
Because I forced you to listen to a lot of it, didn't I?
I was convinced this is the best.
And I thought I was so sophisticated for liking it as well.
Adam, Matt Bianco are not jazz.
It is!
Shakatec IS jazz!
Well, this is not like that.
This is Take the A Train by Duke Ellington.
Hope you enjoy.
But I thought it was essential that I bought it.
I thought, this is an essential purchase for a record collector.
I thought you meant essential purchase.
No.
That would be nice.
I mean, it was essential purchase.
Did you ever feel that way about any records?
I didn't really like in excess, but I thought, need you tonight.
I've got to have that in my collection.
It's essential.
I thought the same way about Bomb the Bass with their cover of Say a Little Prayer.
Oh, yeah.
I thought, this is amazing.
This is on Cornish's essential selection.
This.
And I remember I had a vision of myself in 20 years time.
getting that 12 inch out and people going, oh, you've got the original 12 inch of Bomb the Bass.
Wow, you're cool.
And then I had a vision of myself playing it and someone going, oh, it still sounds fantastic 20 years later.
Wow, you're a visionary.
You know, I played it the other day.
It wasn't very good at all.
Didn't stand up.
Rubbish.
I haven't heard Need You Tonight recently, but I know what you mean.
I went out and bought the flipping album, did you?
The INXS album.
The INXS album.
Oh my gosh.
Turns out not to be very essential.
What kind of insane move was that?
Do you like the name Virgins for a band?
That's straying into, do you like bands with sort of names that slightly put themselves down?
I'm not saying that virgins is a negative term per se, but for a rock band it's an unexpected step, you know.
It's provocative, it's probably the law of opposites, isn't it?
Is it?
Yeah, they're probably not virgins.
Like, they could call themselves the rubbish band or something.
Yeah, and that would mean they were really good.
And that would mean they were wicked.
I think it'd be a good name for a train company.
Uh-huh.
Or maybe a chain of shops.
Or a balloon manufacturer's.
They should change their name to the Zavies.
Then split up.
Bye-bye.
You could work for some kind of Radio 4 topical quiz.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music, it's 11.30pm and time for the news.
Well, a little bit of chocolate's nice though, isn't it?
Yeah.
And it's proven to release endorphins, is that right?
Dolphins.
It releases dolphins and it makes you feel happy.
The dolphins, the way they squeak and chirp and they can do tricks, that cheers you up.
They're very intelligent.
So every bit of, am I getting this right?
Every bit of chocolate you eat, you are releasing dolphins.
Yep.
That's correct.
It's correct.
So eat as much chocolate as you can because a lot of those dolphins are trapped and suffering.
It's good for the dolphin.
So do your bit for dolphin liberty.
And is there a particular brand of chocolate that enables more dolphins?
No, all chocolate releases.
Any sane man would have walked away from that.
Doesn't sound that much like endorphins.
No, it doesn't.
Terrible business.
And yet, I kept on going on about.
Well done.
Way after the cut-off point.
Hey, you know the cure, right?
Yes.
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
Yep, that's what Robert Smith sounds like to me.
Big scary man with lipstick.
Oh, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
Have you ever heard him speak in real life?
Does he sound like this?
He was at the Q Awards when we hosted it years ago, wasn't he?
And he came up on stage and accepted an award.
Did he?
Yeah, I think he did.
I've blocked everything out from my mind about that day.
I think he was.
Maybe it was another crazy head.
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
Hello, I'm Robert Smith!
He's a very talented, hugely respected figure in pop.
You're ridiculing him.
No, I'm not!
Reducing him to the status of some sort of... Oh, I've seen a cat!
A black cat!
Scary cat!
Oh no!
Oh, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
You're suggesting that he talks in the same way as he sings.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's my thesis.
That's good, man.
Yeah, imagine that.
Wow.
What would he sound like in conversation with, say, Kevin Rowland from Texas Midnight Runners?
Right.
What sort of a conversation would that be?
That would be screechy.
I haven't actually thought of words.
Would you like to come for a drink, come in?
I'd like to, I'd like to, I'd like to, I'd like to come for a drink.
Yes indeed.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm getting a pie.
Would you like a pie too?
My Kevin Rowland was just singing.
My Robert Smith's gone down a pathetic alleyway that Robert Smith would never go down.
I love that alleyway.
It's offensive to Cure fans and to the great man Robert Smith himself.
No offense intended.
I love that band.
They've got a new album out.
It's called Four Thirteen Dream.
Have you seen the adverts for that album?
I haven't.
It's a nice bit of artwork they've got there, illustrating presumably some dream that Robert Smith was having.
He woke up, he stared at the clock, and the digital readout said Four Thirteen.
That's what I'm imagining the scenario was and that's what I think the story would be behind the album.
Anyway, that's by the by.
They're advertising it with a little bit of blurb saying, winner of the NME Godlike Genius Award.
And I always think to myself, who is that aimed at?
Who is that going to convince that the new Cure album is a good purchase to make?
Because if you're a regular Cure fan, right, then you don't need to be told that they're Godlike geniuses.
You already think that.
But if you'd never heard of the Cure before,
Is your brain really so adult and malfunctioning that you would just... They won a award for being God-like geniuses.
So they must be God-like geniuses.
So I should buy their album and then I would hear them what they sound like.
That's exactly what goes through people's heads.
Yeah, that's what awards are for.
They're to make it clear to the public what the best things are.
Right.
Sometimes with those awards, they just give them to whoever agrees to turn up.
What?
I know.
Has that blown your world apart?
Slightly.
I don't believe it's true.
Not with the Oscars.
I don't think it's true in any way.
But with minor awards.
What, just awards for minors?
Do we have some more music?
Yes, let's have some Kings of Lee on This Is On Call.
That was Roots Maneuver with Let the Spirit, recorded for 6th Music on the 11th of September 2008, fairly recently.
He's always good to hear though, isn't he, Mr Maneuver?
Oh yes, he's highly skilled and he's from Kennington, which is my neck of the woods in London.
What a lovely neck, he's from my ends.
Look at your beautiful neck.
Yeah, I've got his back.
Have you?
Yeah, if there's any kind of situation goes down, I've got his back.
I mean, he'd call for me, he'd holler and I'd get his back, I'd protect him.
I'd get his back.
That's how it is in the end.
I could get his back.
No, you couldn't because you're from Norfolk.
And, you know, we would probably be... Take me too long.
Yeah, that's probably who he's attacking as you.
Really?
Why would he attack us?
Well, you know, Kennington, Norfolk, very different.
We don't understand each other.
Sort of tension.
Well, he's wrong.
You know, he's mad to do that.
I would get his back if he asked me.
Oh, this is a dance competition.
It's not anything violent.
It's a dance competition.
Yeah.
So on your bookshelves, right?
Yeah.
Have you got a lot of books there that you haven't read?
Well, some of them are owned by my lady girlfriend partner, Kohabiti, a friend.
I've got a load of books on my bookshelves.
Have you just bought them because they look good?
No, a lot of them I get given them, Christmas presents or whatever.
A lot of them you get given them.
Yeah, that's a good sentence.
What's wrong with that?
Maybe you should read some more of the books.
A lot of them I get given them.
Then you wouldn't be constructing sentences like that.
Of like a lot of them, yeah.
I'm like, get given them.
So what's the probs?
I mean, I think it's probably fine, you know.
The chicks come round, they look at all the books, they think you've read them.
Bish bash bosh.
Have you ever got busted by someone going out and saying, oh yeah, the sports writer, that's brilliant.
Did you like chapter six?
No, that's never happened.
I live in fear of it happening.
Do you?
I live in fear of someone coming around and pointing out a book and going, oh, that's a marvelous book.
I, you know, I particularly enjoyed.
Right.
People would appreciate your honesty if you just told them that you'd never read it.
But then it would happen a lot if they went through some of the other books.
Are they there just for show?
Yeah, really.
Certainly that's why I keep a lot of them.
Well, you know, the thing is that I certainly keep the ones I've read
But definitely, you know, with the well-worn spines and everything, I'm very proud of them.
They're like trophies.
Yeah, they're like trophies, you know what I mean?
To prove that I've read a book.
That I can read books.
And I would never get rid of them, even though there's, in a lot of cases, very little chance that I'll read them again, either because they're too boring or, you know, I'd rather be reading a new book.
What's the most exciting book you've got that you haven't read on your shelf?
Well, that's a very good question.
I'm excited you asked it.
And it would have to be probably... Ooh, can I have some thinking time?
Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you that mine is the sports writer, right?
Which I may have mentioned earlier on.
Is that written by Richard Price?
Is it?
Is it?
I don't know.
Is it?
He wrote copies, didn't he?
I'll look it up.
You keep talking.
You look it up.
I was given it by my brother-in-law, right?
Right.
And he always gives me really good books.
He gave me Shantaram the year before, which I really enjoyed.
And so he's given me the sports writer.
But I just think, yeah, but it's about sports writers.
I don't even like any aspect of sport really that much.
So I find it quite difficult to plunge into quite a big book.
Richard Ford.
Richard Ford.
There you go.
Even though it is garlanded with praise and people tell me it's wonderful and I really trust the taste of my brother-in-law, but you know, there just never seems to be the right moment to dive into the sportswriter.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Well, that's all right.
Just think of it as an ornamental book.
Yeah.
Or have you ever thought about just sort of damaging the spine as if it's been read?
I have thought about opening it, closing it.
Not just in one place, otherwise that means you were looking for pictures in the middle.
No, no, no.
You know, I've thought about it to the extent that I would even read it in the bath.
Really?
So it looked a bit... I would flick through it in the bath.
You see, that's the sign of a book you've read, Crumpled Sleeve.
slightly sort of wet but now dried.
Water damage.
And to me it's always a little bit of orange juice.
You know you've been eating an orange while you were reading some of it sprayed on the book.
Sure.
That's the key thing.
Then you've definitely read it.
then you can say you've read it and just forgotten it.
Oh, I read so much, I've forgotten.
I forget what that one was about, but I do remember it was brilliant.
I find it very hard to recall, maybe it's the way that I read, I find it very hard to recall what's actually going on in the book sometimes.
I mean, they do say that reading is a far more efficient way of gathering information and keeping it in your head than, for example, watching TV, right?
Not for me.
It goes in one ear and out the other eye.
A weird way for it to go.
You've got medical problems and I'd see a doctor or have that eye test that you were going on about the other week.
I got a free one!
Here's Sebastian Telee with Kilometre.
That was Sebastian Telee there with Kilometre.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music just approaching the end of our Easter Saturday show.
And don't forget that there is a podcast you can download of this kind of rambly ramshackle.
Kind of rambly.
Yeah.
I mean, we didn't have any features because that's against the premise of Easter.
Jesus hated features.
You can't.
say that.
Why not?
Because it's very upsetting.
What if Jesus didn't hate features?
What if Jesus was very strongly pro-features?
I think most people would realize I wasn't serious.
Yeah, but I mean, Bill Maher, for example, he might go out and make a whole program about investigating whether Jesus liked features or not and ridiculing people that thought that he didn't like features.
We can't have that.
No.
But we haven't had many features, that's the long and short of it, and as a result it's been a sort of epic sort of ramble hasn't it?
It's been an investigation into what lurks inside the minds of two stupid, stupid men.
It's been a kind of experiment in that respect, and it'll be studied by people for years to come.
By the management of BBC Six music.
Exactly.
It'll be held up and played in the cold light of day by an investigative committee.
And I'm going to leave you with a free play now.
This is some some kings of convenience.
They're an indie folk pop duo from Bergen, Norway.
Did you know that?
Are they still together?
I think so.
We'll be back in full effect features and all next Saturday live.
So join us then.
Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw.
Have a great week.
Thanks for listening.
Cheers.
Bye.
Bye.