The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam And Joe (25 October 2008)

And now, it's Adam and Joe.

Hello and welcome to the Big British Castle.

It's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio.

There'll be some music and some random talking in between, and then an entry.

Ray Charles there with the Blues Brothers.

You've got to be careful if you're in bed or you've just got up and you've attempted to try twisting or shaking your tail feather.

You can do the boogaloo and the mashed potato.

Slowly.

Do a slow boogaloo.

Yeah.

Or gently mash some potato.

What about the bony maroni?

Don't do that.

That's very medically dangerous before noon, just because of atmospheric pressure and moisture in the atmosphere.

Sure, it could lead to rickets.

It can lead to Donald Ricketts.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Trevor Rickles.

That's good, though.

You can't argue with that track.

Try arguing with that track.

Oi!

Track!

You're rubbish!

Oh, man, you got straight into it there, but it's no good.

The track's not responding.

It's just resonating in a big empty room.

Because you can't argue with that track, the genius of the track.

I mean, that is a definitive version of that track right there.

Yeah, the Blues Brothers soundtrack album, that's where most people will have heard that off of, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a kind of sort of catch-all fashionable purchase, isn't it?

For young people, when we were young.

It's like a sole primer, isn't it?

It's like buying the Rocky Horror Show soundtrack, or the Best of the Doors.

It's better than that.

It's better than Rocky Horror.

Yeah, you're right.

I never did buy that.

You know, we never went through a Rocky Horror phase, did we?

No, but we went through a Blues Brothers phase.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a very simple look to pull off.

That's right, a little skinny tie there.

You and I, we're fair approximation of Aykroyd and... That's true, actually.

When we're in our black suits and skinny ties.

But that's good.

It's not a patch on Blues Brothers 2000, of course.

No, of course.

I mean, who can put a patch on Blues Brothers 2000?

Patch Adams.

It's possible to patch it up.

I'm patchable.

You sound patchable, but could he?

Yeah, until you came along and like brought him down, he could, probably.

Yeah, that's true.

So listeners, welcome.

My name's Adam.

My name's Joe.

Welcome to our Saturday morning show.

We hope you're having a nice morning so far.

You've ruined it now, haven't you?

No, I thought it was good.

People like that kind of thing.

Yeah, they do.

Bye.

See you.

Bye.

Take care.

Here's another record.

We've got lots of stuff coming up.

We'll tell you about it in a second.

But here's the latest hot shirtless band, M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-

I find you banal.

That's the logical extension of your attitude, isn't it?

You think I'm banal.

I'm fascinated by the way.

What do you mean, what's the point of talking about things you can't control?

I mean, that's life.

That's the entire point, isn't it?

What better things to talk about to try and deal with them?

Well, I suppose.

Yeah, exactly.

Let's talk about the weather, though.

It's going to get nippy.

It's going to be a cold... Is it?

Yeah, this week.

Because you see, this is the thing.

You don't like talking about it, but you're quite well informed.

Yeah.

I look to you for my weather guidance.

Well, there you go.

The weather report this week is there's going to be a... We should do a sort of funk... No, someone's done that already, haven't they?

What, a funky weather report?

Yeah, let's just move beyond that.

It's going to be nippy.

Yeah, a little bit of nips.

But bright.

Yeah, nippy but bright, that's my favourite weather.

I don't know that that's true, I'm just making it up.

Ah, yes.

Because you're the kind of person that responds well to that kind of baseless optimism.

That's true.

Speaking of optimism and nice things and people, I was listening to the diaries of Michael Palin on audiobooks, I can't actually read.

So I prefer the audiobook.

No, it's nice to listen to while you're cycling or on the train or whatever.

And it was recommended to me by a few people.

What an enjoyable way to spend four and a half hours or whatever in various little chunks.

He's, I mean, he's a national treasure, obviously, Palin.

Obviously.

He's a national treasure too.

He is.

Who's national treasure once?

Stephen Fry.

Yeah.

And he's notoriously one of the nicest men and probably one of the nicest guys in the Python gang.

Man, he has got anecdotes coming out of every orifice there and no one can beat Palin for name dropping.

He drops the biggest names in the entire world in that.

in those diaries there.

So I had a little wind going down one of the wrong pipes in my throat.

It's okay.

I'm sorry about that.

But yeah, it was a luxury.

I don't have anything specific to say about the diaries.

I'm just saying it by way of an introduction to this next track, which I'm going to play, the first free play.

And it sort of sent me back to Python's best stuff and listening to some of their albums.

And I forgot how, like, pressy and a couple of their tunes were, especially this one.

You know, for a world that's falling apart.

This was written sometime in the early 70s, I think, and it's called I'm So Worried.

Check it out.

It's the Pythons.

Desmond Decker with 007.

Open brackets, shantytown closed brackets.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music on a Saturday morning.

Now, last week, of course, and this pertains to that track, we had Sir Roger Moore in the studio, and I had a kind of a breakdown.

on air I was unable to speak and we were just discussing here that to the consternation of some listeners my breakdown was snipped you know I'm pleased about this it was snipped from the podcast yeah so the interview as it appeared on the podcast was super smooth

unemotionally traumatised.

Yeah, that's not really true, is it?

It was just slightly more competent than it actually was on the air when it actually sort of was sucked into negative space by a kind of mental implosion on my part.

And I was fine at the beginning of the interview, as I think I discussed at the end of the podcast, Roger came into a... So Roger, it's happening again.

He came into the, you know, what would you call that room out there?

The anti-chamber.

The holding room, the atrium.

The decompression chamber.

And we went out and talked to him and it was all fine.

I thought this is going to be fine.

But then it was only when he came and sat next to me and then turned and looked at me.

And then said your name.

And that was it, wasn't it?

He said, well, Joe, Joe, that was it.

It was too much.

I collapsed and folded.

Now, I was embarrassed and I thought, you know, I'm a hardy perennial, a seasoned professional.

Yeah.

I can't.

Plus, you have met a lot of famous people, like in your L.A.

jaunts.

You bump into some A-listers out there.

Sure, sure.

And you don't do that usually on live radio.

Right, right.

And not someone like the Dodger.

It made me realize how key the Dodger is to my brain, to the evolution of my mind.

And somewhere deep inside Cornballs, you are... I just couldn't handle it.

But luckily my lady partner friend, who I live with, said she thought it was sweet.

Yeah, I think that... no one was cursing you.

I was professionally... I felt professionally vilified, self vilified.

Really?

Can you vilify yourself?

Oh, very much so.

Yeah, well I've done it.

I make a habit of it.

Well you were you were you know quite honest in saying that you were tiny bits.

I mean you doved in doved in there brilliantly to you David it in to rescue me and You had a little bit of an you know a little bit of a nerviness there mate as well.

Absolutely Well, it was partly inspired by the fact.

It's like just stop talking

I thought he was gonna do talking for a little bit.

You're not supposed to do that on the radio, are you?

Dead air.

But sometimes, yeah, but sometimes, every now and then, used with, er, modestly, a modicum of car crash.

Or at least cars just clipping each other at high speed on the motorway.

A little prank.

Can keep a show on its toes.

Radio prank.

Can't it?

Maybe that should be the name of this show.

So, the conclusion of this segment is, well done me.

Well done you, and maybe... Well, what a really good interview, because it wasn't boring, it was gripping.

Exactly.

Possibly a bit cringy, but cringy's very fashionable.

Look at Ricky Gervais, John Cleese in faulty towers.

I'm just big on the cringe, I love the cringe, I love social embarrassment.

I love it when people find things uncomfortable.

Like in the office.

That's the fashionable thing to say, isn't it?

Absolutely.

So I'm just part of that fashion.

Well done.

We might include that drying moment on the podcast as a little hidden track this week.

I might have to listen to it first.

Yeah.

Narrow.

See how painful it is.

Absolutely fine.

So listeners, you know, we played some Monty Python there a couple of tracks back.

Did you enjoy that one, Joe?

I enjoyed that very much.

Slightly stealing the thunder of this week's Song Wars.

We do have a new Song Wars this week, so to play a...

I like a really very good comedy song.

I know it is, you're right.

Sorry to steamroller you as usual, but it is amazingly precedent.

Yeah, it's an amazing precedent.

I'm not sure exactly when in the 70s it was.

I guess it was mid to late 70s perhaps.

And that was Terry Jones singing.

It's precisely where it was.

When it was.

It's exactly the correct date.

We're the kings of facts.

So yeah, I think our new Song Wars songs we will unveil after the news at some point in the next half hour.

Scary songs they are.

Oh, they're spooky.

Let's just say mine's just disturbing.

Yeah, mine.

Does that count?

Yeah, it does count.

But so let's have some more music right now.

This is the French band Air They're from France.

Have you been there to France?

Yes, it is very sexy.

Oh, it is too sexy This is a song about it.

It's right said Fred with I'm too sexy sexy boy With sexy boy that song was actually written about me

Was it really?

When?

Last week actually.

It was as big a surprise to me as it is to you because it's been out for a few years.

What song was written for me?

I can't answer that.

Everything that pops into mind is too just insulting.

What's your favorite smell?

You I Smelt a lady this week and she was wearing your horses.

What sort of a sentence is that?

You know it breakfast program.

She's she's wafted past me right?

She wafted right and it was at the train station and she done a waft past me and then sat down on the bench next to me and

And she smelt strongly of... I think she was wearing perfume, but the perfume smelt to me of sheep dip.

Have you ever smelt sheep dip before?

It's a curiously sweet smell.

I don't know if they still use the same brand of sheep dip that I remember from when I used to live in Wales.

When you used to be dipped, country.

Yeah, when they used to dip me.

Sean.

But she smelt very much of sheep dip.

And I was really tempted to ask her what the perfume was, so I... Probably Kerry Katona's new one.

Yeah, I hear it's out in a couple of days.

Maybe she had a preview squirt.

Hey, you can't double them.

That's true.

Yeah, that would be that would be what could turn Easy she's ill that's true.

She's young woman.

She needs our sympathy and support not our derision

Yeah.

But no, sheep dip.

It was sheep dip.

And I really wanted to ask her.

But I thought if I ask her what the perfume is, I'm going to get stuck in a weird little... She's going to think I'm coming onto her.

She's going to think you're hitting on her.

Yeah.

Whereas actually what I want to communicate is your perfume is revolting and it's choking up my nasal passages and I want to know exactly what it is so I can avoid it for the rest of my life.

But it's no good.

What's the worst smell you can think of, Joe?

Oh, uh, stink bombs?

I don't know.

Worse smell.

Oh, I really object to yeast.

Yeast?

Yeah, around a brewery.

Right.

There's a brewery in Wandsworth, and the whole area has got a weird stench.

It disagrees with me.

I know what you mean.

Not beer itself, but the smell of a brewery, the intense smell of yeast.

Yeast is nasty, I mean, for lots of reasons.

There's something nasty about yeast.

A field of rape is not an enjoyable smell.

That yellow, stinky field that you go past every now and again.

I mean, that's no fun.

And also, the worst of them all, though, is dog poo, isn't it?

Yes, well, God made it that way, didn't he?

To avoid.

Yeah, so you have to pick it up and pop it in the bin.

Absolutely, unless you're a toddler.

A friend of mine, um, her toddler picked up at the top of it and popped it in his mouth.

No!

Yes.

Was it a dried one?

No!

Oh dear.

Had the consistency of chocolate mousse.

That's certainly what was going through the toddler's brain.

I found some chocolate mousse.

I found it on the wheel of a bicycle.

And he popped it in his gob.

And she was absolutely appalled as you would be, but their toddlers, they love doing that kind of thing, you know, and they're just experimenting with the world.

She raced, they were in the park and she raced to the public toilets there and kind of rinsed his mouth out with water from the taps that said, do not drink.

But she thought, well, this is the lesser of two evils, surely.

Got to rinse the chocolate mousse out of the little chap's mouth.

I mean, that's no good, is it?

How did the chap respond?

Was he chomping away?

He was up for it.

Really?

Yeah, he was going back for more.

There is a gap in the market there.

If we put it in a pot, give it a fun name, invent some characters to promote it, you could call it Plops.

Chuck Pops.

The kids would love it.

Here's the news, read by Harvey and Georgie.

It's time for Song Wars.

The War of the Songs.

Check it out!

Yes, it's Song Wars time.

Listen, there's a brand new Song Wars, and this week's theme is spookiness, scariness, sort of Halloween based.

Halloween coming up this Friday, so we'll be playing the winning song the day after Halloween, coating the entire week with a thick layer of evil.

Is the day after Halloween just hallow?

yes okay but you know it's not like you know you got christmas eve and then you got christmas day right so yeah halloween is the evening of the hallows yeah halloween is just menacing then on the on on the following day you do the full on killing

Do you know what the origin of Halloween is?

It's not right to say that.

No, it's not.

I was moving on.

In a fictional universe.

Yeah, what's the question?

What is the point of Halloween?

It's a celebration.

It's a pagan celebration of evil.

And killing.

I'm really glad I asked.

No, yeah, that's the answer.

No, yeah.

So how did you get on with your song, man?

I got on a... Well, I don't know.

I'm not going to say much about it.

It's certainly odd.

I think it's lyrically quite tricky to hear, but then ghosts are quite hard to understand sometimes.

Anyone who's watched Most Haunted or anything will know how tricky the supernatural can be.

It's very hard to control.

It's very hard to predict when supernatural things will happen.

I'm talking about my song.

I'm making excuses for it.

In my song, some of it's actually sung by a ghost, is what I'm saying.

What I did right, because my song was just ludicrous, and it is hard to hear what the lyrics are, so I have got the lyrics on the 6 Music website.

Have you?

Yeah.

I sorted it out.

I'm not kowtowing to my audience in that way.

I'm not pandering to them.

So, listeners, if you want to check the lyrics of my track when you hear it, you can go to the Six Music website and click on the Adam and Jo bit, and they should be there.

But let's toss a coin and find out who's going to go first.

What are you calling, man?

Oh, you just look to the moon.

Yeah, I'm just seeing what they're calling it in the habit of doing, right?

It's mainly, no.

I'm just seeing how it's balanced.

Right, how's it going so far?

Tossing it a few times to warm it up.

It's mainly heads.

Mainly heads, is it?

So, do you want to go... I don't really know.

I'm going to go tails, because I'm different.

Tails to go first.

If it's tails, I go first.

It's tails?

Okay, then.

I go first.

Here's my song.

It's called Hello, Mr. Ghost, and I really apologize.

This song is designed to be heard by ghosts It's got the ultrasound, make noises, it goes like most so If you hear a ghost then don't be scared, scared

But what you said, can you tell us what it feels like when you're dead?

Is it like poltergeist or drop dead thread at all?

While we're talking, Mr. Gust, I'd like to ask a favour.

I don't suppose there's any chance that you'd possess my neighbour.

He plays his stereo too loud, I'll exercise him later.

Thank you Mr. Gosh, but it's time to go It's one to mess with forces that you cannot control, so If you are with us, please go away, away

It's a powerful song and it will actually summon ghosts if you play it late at night or at the right time.

Have you got a vocoder there or something?

No, it's just the mouse voice function on garage fans.

Nicely used.

Thanks, and a bit of helium as well.

And where are you getting your spooky wobbly noise?

Chaosolator, mate.

Chaosinator.

The best £100 I ever spent, mate.

Cornish's secret weapon.

That's brilliant.

Dust off the Chaosinator.

Anyway, so that's song number one, Joe's song, Hello Mr. Ghost.

We continue our spooky song wars with song number two.

Adam, tell us a little bit about it, please.

Well, I started off trying to write a Euro house song.

Who wouldn't?

You know, and it's the obvious way to go.

Well, I was thinking of like early prodigy, you know, like really fast.

Yeah.

I'm scared.

I'm so scared.

It was all like that, right?

And then it just fell apart.

Like for a whole day I was digging it and like playing all that riffs and I was really getting into it.

I was thinking, this is amazing.

I'm the king.

And then I woke up the next day and listened to it.

It was a disgrace.

Have you ever had that?

Yes.

It's weird.

Like some days you wake up and you look at things afresh and you think, hey, that's not half bad.

I have that attitude to just life in general.

This is brilliant.

Oh, this is awful.

Anyway it was a load of old bullows so I had to pop it in the bin but what I've come up with

unnecessarily better because I started it had to restart yesterday afternoon didn't finish until 1 30 in the morning it's exhausting just listening to the process exactly anyway this is this is a jazzy song and it's written from the point of view of a kind of you know serial killer man and from

from Silence of the Lambs type thing.

Well, you remember that we did a thing on our show years ago about Nutty Rooms, right?

Serial killer Nutty Rooms in films like Silence of the Lambs and Copycat was another one.

They've always got their little demented headquarters.

Serial killers lair and it's always like got weird stuff on the walls and things in jars.

You recycled all that stuff.

I've recycled.

And if you want to check out the lyrics, as I say, they might be a little hard to decipher.

They should be on the 6 Music website.

You're an iPlayer though, you loon.

Go to the website.

The 6 Music website.

And this is called Nutty Room.

Nutty.

I am a nutty man.

I'm sitting in my nutty room.

I'm a-cutting.

It's a human skin to make into a big cocoon It's a tune for the cops and I'm pulling out the stops Because I am a complicated loon Look at the jars, look at the jars, look at the things inside the jars I put some fingers, there's some hair and several wickies Look at the walls, look at the walls, totally covered in crazy scores

And from time to time I had a couple of stinkings I loved the smell and the humor of all my greasy, nutty moon Come on over for some nibbles and some drinkings It's so wonderful to meet you if you come Welcome to my nutty lair Careful of the pit, my little pilot **** have a seat on the bed of human hair I hope you like injections, some butterfly collections and the work of the performing yourself

Crazy Have you ever seen a person who was so completely nuts?

Lazy Oh no, I'm always working, making, gunning out of other people's guts Patrick Swayze

90!

I am a 90, and I'm sitting in my 90 room, and I've got to leave.

So it's a few of my skin to make it to a big cocoon.

It's a roof with all the cops, and I've only got the stops, because I have a complicated loop.

That's just a song about you at home in your so-called studio.

The thought did occur.

It's not spooky in any way.

It's just autobiographical.

Yeah, but that's spooky, man.

That is spooky.

It is spooky.

That's the scariest thing of all.

Come around for my night.

That's very good.

I particularly like the, you know, the lunatic howlings as a kind of scat interlude.

Yeah, yeah.

work very well so there you go there are this week's two competing songs song number one hello mr ghost and song number two nutty room yeah and i have now found the lyrics to the nutty room there on the bb6 six music website and and yes there they are citing confirmed of rows of words

So do email your votes.

If you're listening to Listen Again or you're listening now, email the votes.

Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk and vote for either Adam with Nutty Room or Jo with Hello Mr. Ghost and we'll play those songs again in the last 20 minutes of the show, about 20 to 12.

So there's that means he looks forward to it.

I thought I'd say it in that voice.

Here's Jack White with another way to die.

Jack White with another way to die.

And Alicia Keys.

And Alicia- Whenever says Alicia- It's a duet.

Is it?

Always just says Jack White on our little- Well that's very uh, sexist.

It's very sexy.

Why are they looking all filthy?

I mean, I know they've just been exploded on the poster there for another way to die.

Quantum of Solace.

They're emerging from an explosion, right?

So they're smeared with smut.

The woman standing next to Craig Fairbros in the poster for Quantum of Solace is one of the most attractive women I've ever seen in my life.

She was in the... I'm attracted towards buses that she's on.

It's becoming dangerous.

Did you see the, um, uh, she was in some, uh, period adaptation thing, er, on telly recently.

Oh, I forget what it was.

It was maybe Tessa the d'Urbervilles.

That's always a good one.

Um, you didn't see her in that?

No.

She was nice in it.

Yeah, it looks like a good movie.

Some of the reviews have been a little bit iffy.

Oh, really?

A little bit squishy.

Iffy and sniffy.

Yeah, iffy and sniffy.

My two favourite kids' cartoon characters.

But I'm really excited.

They would be good, but they like little reviewers.

Iffy and sniffy.

They're very pompous children.

Pompous little mice, though, or something.

Mice.

Yeah.

And they review things.

This is good, man.

This is good.

This is your fortune.

I'm going to actually picture it.

If David Walliams can do it.

Have you read Walliams' book yet?

No.

He's got illustrations by Quentin Blake.

I know, I know.

I mean, that is... Quentin Blake, he's a ledge.

Quentin Blake will do anything for the right money.

You reckon?

Yeah.

Credit crunch.

There's no rules anymore.

That's true, isn't it?

I was speaking to someone this week who said, in a year's time, it's going to be a barter economy.

Right.

Right, everyone's just going to be... Right, Mad Max.

Yeah, it's going to be haggling and stuff and people with crazy hairstyles and riding around in souped up cars, you know, and everything.

Battling for fuel.

Rusty, yeah.

That's exciting.

That's what it's going to be like.

And everyone will just talk with an Australian accent.

There's going to be severed heads on people's front porches.

Right.

Just to ward off invaders.

It's all going to go Viking.

And the children are going to use their own special kind of language.

Look at that.

Look, it's the bang stick.

The man over there has got a bang stick.

You know what?

They do that already.

I was just thinking.

It's going to be the same.

It's already happened.

We're inches away from it.

That's something to look forward to.

A kind of awful futuristic post-apocalyptic nightmare world.

Where everyone's Australian.

Happy Christmas.

Thanks, Al Gore.

What have you got here for us, Joe?

Free Playwise?

This is a free play.

This is by a band called The National.

They're very exciting right now.

This is their second album.

I think they're a New York based set.

And you know what?

I've forgotten the name of this track, but I've just remembered it again.

It's Fake Empire by The National.

Good effort there from Gorillaz.

Damon Allbrand.

I've got to stop calling him Damon.

I'm sounding like my dad.

Call him Damon Allbrand, for goodness sake.

That was a Radio 1 session from the 20th of March 2003.

And, you know, they really pulled it out of the bag there.

Sometimes, the sessions, they can be a little ropey, a little disappointing, not a patch on the album.

But they really brought something new to the party there, I think.

Joe?

I can only agree with every word you say, and I thoroughly endorse you to be the President of America.

Very much.

Hey, when do we find out about the President of America?

Is it November the 4th?

It's very soon.

Is it November the 4th, the American election?

Yes, it is.

It's soon, man.

It's exciting.

And you know what?

Apparently,

If Barack Obama wins, the world will be saved from the precipice of doom.

If he loses, we will be plunged into a Stygian nightmare of apocalyptic doom similar to that which you outlined in the previous link.

It's as simple as that.

The world has spiralled into a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.

Now this is just your opinion, isn't it?

True.

That's the thing, that's the twist.

But that's what it feels like, don't you think?

It does a little bit.

It feels like the world needs just a, it needs like a sort of a boost, some sort of a warm, a slimming drink.

It'll give it the lift it needs.

Barak obama.

Slim fast.

A slim fast, yeah, pick me up.

Yeah, other slim decks are available.

But, I mean, he's got his work cut out for him and all, you know, Occam's Racer, you know, all things being equal, the most boring outcome is the likeliest.

This time in a year, if he gets in, everything's the same.

and everyone's bored with him and everyone's bringing him down.

Yeah, we know that in this country from Tony Belya.

Right.

Yeah.

But Tony Belya had a few good years of baseless optimism, don't you?

Yeah.

Inevitably, whoever wins will be taken into a secret office where he'll meet with an ET, Rupert Murdoch, some Rosicrucians, the head of the Illuminati, the Pope,

and members of the royal family in their lizard form and they'll be told the basic truth that are kept from the public you know here it's just all about selling weapons and provoking wars to keep economies going and i'm sorry there's not much that can be done about it and this no someone was telling me and come to the orgy on saturday you can now come to the eyes wide shut lizard orgy

So it's not all bad, though.

No, there we go.

Bit of politics here on the show.

Fun bit of politics there.

I'm excited about the orgy.

Well, you have to become evil to join in.

I know someone in the illuminati.

Do you?

You probably do.

Your posh contacts.

Of course.

You probably do.

We can get us in there.

Your one dinner party away.

Speaking of posh contacts.

Yeah.

Did you, maybe we'll talk, I'll talk about this during the song perhaps.

It's not good for the listeners.

No.

Well, alright then.

Let's discuss it during the song.

If we feel it's fit to broadcast, we'll talk about it after the song.

That's what I was going to say.

Okay, alright then.

Yeah, it'll be frustrating if it isn't.

I'll write down some key words that I'll be able to say whatever happens.

Okay.

Here's the Chemical Brothers with the golden path.

Who's that doing the singing on that then?

Coin.

Wayne Coyne.

Oh, right.

Good, isn't it?

Yeah, very enjoyable.

The Golden Path.

What is the Golden Path?

It sounds like a bit of sexual slang.

No, I'm sure it's just the righteous way.

Right, right, right.

Do you know what I mean?

The higher ground.

Sure.

So we had the discussion about the thing.

Yeah, and we've decided we can't say anything.

It included the words Rothschild and Corfu.

And that's why we can't talk about it.

And Mandelson.

Mandelson.

Yeah, one of our recent holidays.

That's right.

So listen, if you're a regular listener to the show, you might remember a segment we did a few months ago on Juvenilia on stuff that people had written when they were kiddies, kind of great works of juvenile art and literature and screenwriting.

And we came away with an extraordinary idea for a film called Steven!

which was about a superhero.

And it was the work of... Well, no, it was sort of an agent, a secret agent.

It came from a comic written by Stephen... We'll dig his name up.

I forget what his name was.

He's on the website, the material's on the website.

Let me have a look.

But anyway, ever since that, and, you know, the whole idea of there being a... Here we go, here we go.

Sorry to be clicking while I'm speaking.

But the whole idea of this...

word Stephen and the guys shouting Stephen has sunk into my brain and every time I see a film where someone says the word Stephen I suddenly think what of this other franchise you know and how exciting it would be if this really was a film about Stephen yeah

And what a powerful name it is.

I mean, this came from the fact that this guy had named his comic, which was like a sort of war adventure comic.

He just named it Stephen, exclamation mark.

And we thought it was a funny thing that, you know, just the idea of getting the drama out of just that character.

And it would basically be based around people just calling his name.

Well, he was he was going to be a secret agent like Bourne or Bond, but his name would be Stephen.

And there'd be a sort of a more normal feel to the proceedings.

Yeah.

But I was watching a film the other day, I won't tell you what film it was, because that's the point of this little bit, where there's a very good saying of the word Stephen.

It's really powerful, so I thought I'd play the clip and see whether you can guess what film this superb rendition of the word Stephen comes from.

This isn't a competition, of course, because they are verbelten of the BBC.

But they'll be a prize of kudos.

to anybody who... Don't text in!

A box of kudos.

No, because that costs you money and that would be wrong.

But if you email in and you can guess what film this is from before Dr. Buckles does, then you win the big invisible prize.

A big invisible box of kudos.

Yeah, here's the clip.

It's only short.

Yeah?

I know that one, can I say?

Do you?

No, let's leave it for a bit.

You immediately got it.

I think, I think, I might be wrong.

That's a good rendition though, isn't it?

Well, it's the music gives it away and the... and the whirlwind I can see in my... But she cares about Stephen.

Definitely.

She doesn't want him to be hurt.

She's saying that word Stephen with real passion and welly.

Yeah.

Yeah?

So we'll leave that for people to guess about for a little bit.

Stephen!

Just coming!

It's not a competition, it's just for fun.

I'm going Australian again, this is strange.

What's happening next now?

We're going to launch Text the Nation shortly, but before we do, here is some more music.

This is Friendly Fires with Paris.

Text the Nation!

Text!

Text the Nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the Nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter.

Text!

Joe, wait a second.

I think we've got a collision of features.

Can I put my Stephen thing to rest first?

Because it might confuse listeners.

Oh, yeah, fair enough.

We don't want two things going at once.

No.

We've had several emails in, and Adam, you've got that Stephen clip exactly right.

It is, of course, from Poltergeist.

Yes, the classic goth-y movie.

And we've had emails as well from Simon Bell.

and Michael Hall and James Heel.

No, James Heel says it's Cliffhanger.

What are you talking about?

I retract your name, James Heel, even though I'm sure you're very nice.

That's a good guess, though.

Is it a good guess?

Hanging on, yeah, because that's how it starts, isn't it?

Is he called Steven?

He's called Cliff, isn't he?

Cliff Hanger.

Who else has got it?

Rob Lightbody has got it, as has Shirley Hopkinson.

Well done, well done.

Well done, Shirley.

Well spotted.

if anyone else watches a film or spots a movie and it has someone saying or shouting Steven in an interesting way please let us know and then we can do that again right yeah ah and that'll be brilliant that will be brilliant or you could even send us an mp3 if you can be bothered of like the clip but that's asking quite a lot

Anyway, that's that done.

Text the Nation now.

Text the Nation.

It's the nation's favourite feature.

It's the part of the show where we talk about a thing and then we ask you to contribute to some kind of ramble thereon.

Is that fair?

Yeah, that's fair.

Fair enough, mate.

Now, Joe, are you aware of go-go crazy bones?

Well, this is a playground craze, right?

Mm-hmm.

For kids.

It's sweeping the playgrounds.

Yeah, and it's a little bit like Jack's or that game with coins that kids play where you flick coins against a wall and if they land on each other you win the coin.

Same sort of principle.

It's, let me quote from the Wikipedia,

Gogos are small figurines that became a popular fad during the 1990s and 2000s, the noughties.

I think they were released in the UK earlier this year, or at least a new line of them was, and they have become a craze this year in the UK.

Gogos, it continues on Wikipedia, were inspired by a game played in ancient Greece.

called Astrogals, where children played with sheep's knuckle bones.

This ancient pastime is known as Tabas.

Crazy Bones is a modern version of this game, played with characters moulded from plastic.

There's hundreds of these things, right?

The little individual characters, and because of the sort of collectability element, you know, children really like collecting things, especially little boys, right?

They absolutely adore collecting things, and they will go for anything, whether it's Conchas or...

Rubbish.

Bits of rubbish.

I mean, this is the thing, you know, it doesn't take much to launch a craze, is what I'm saying, and I'm wondering if the listeners can help us with, you know, to spot the next craze, because there's a lot of money to be made.

Are you kiddie craze?

Because what all they've done is taken, as you say, an ancient game that can be played with natural, you know, materials that don't cost anything, and they've branded them.

Yeah.

They've put little characters onto them.

They've painted them.

They're very small.

So imagine like a sheep's knuckle bone, how small that would be.

I mean, it's like, yeah, it's a little small.

Size of a dice?

Yeah, I suppose so, exactly right.

Like a little bit larger than a dice, perhaps.

And they're all individually painted up and you can get different sort of, there's different lines.

So for example, Crazy Bones.

I'm just looking at their web page right now.

These are the mutant line characters, and you've got one called Teacher's Pet that looks like a kind of nerd with glasses on, this one called Jaws that looks like a shark, and they're very crudely painted up little figures, you know.

But they swap them, you know, there's all the swapping thing goes on, and basically the way you play the game if you want to actually play the game,

is you throw your go-gos, the little things on the table, the player receives a score depending on which way the go-go lands and is standing on the table, right?

So you get nil points if it's facing down, if it's on its back facing up, you get one point, etc.

Maximum points if it's standing on its head.

Ten points you get.

That's quite an achievement.

Nonsense.

I mean, it's pure rubbish and you could apply the same game to almost anything.

You could do it with dog poo.

I mean, it would be, would it be less fun?

Less hygienic.

It would be less hygienic.

But what are you asking people here?

I'm asking listeners to come up with their ideas for a similar sort of game, object-based game that can be a collectible craze for children across the country.

And we can make millions of pounds and retire, right?

That is what I'm asking.

Here's a few ideas that I've come up with, just to give you a sort of steer.

How about this?

Pebbles, right?

Little pebbles, and they've got little eyes stuck on.

I mean, this is very similar, obviously, to the crazy bones.

They've got little eyes painted on.

Perhaps they look like rock stars, right?

So you could call them rock stars.

I like it.

Or I was thinking you could call them, and I'm trying to give them cooler names, because half the battle, right, is to think of cool names for these very boring little objects.

So I'm thinking, peblords.

I like peb lords a lot.

It gives them an authority.

Peb lords?

Yeah, it gives them a power they demand to be purchased.

And they're just little stones, right?

You get little bags of them and they've just got eyes on them.

I don't think they're just little stones.

Peb lords.

I think they're lords.

They're peb lords, or super pebs.

I like both.

Okay, how about this one?

Bogeymen.

They are actual bogeys, but they're sealed in resin.

I like it.

Little bits of resin.

So you can collect them and- Where were they from?

Well, that's the thing.

Probably kids in the third world in a factory.

Could be.

Or, you know, it could be like a big deal to get your own bogeyman.

and send it in and get it in.

Exactly.

You get it sent in, you get extra money off the little kids, you charge them 10 quid for that.

Bogey has a lot of character.

And you could get like a super bogey.

Imagine if you were able to extract a mammoth bogey that everyone loves bogeys.

Well, I wouldn't say everyone loves it.

Kids love bogeys.

What do you mean?

Not everyone.

I think some adults don't like bogeys so much.

Well, this is a thing.

It's a fun way to stop them eating them as well.

Right.

Because you wouldn't necessarily want to eat them once they're covered in resin.

It's a choking hazard.

No, you wouldn't necessarily want your child to collect it either.

Well, that's where I disagree with you.

Right.

I think you would.

These are very good ideas.

Um, peblords, bogeymen.

How about this?

Mecha sticks.

Yeah.

They're lolly sticks, right?

Yeah.

And they are in the shape of different robots.

And obviously you could have an accompanying line of lollies.

Hang on, so in what sense are they sticks?

They're lolly sticks.

Right, but they're shaped like robots?

Yeah, they've got the vague outline of a robot.

Okay.

And, you know, a little bit of detailing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And mecha sticks.

Right.

What do you do with them?

Well, collect them, collect them, collect them.

You collect them and then you throw them at each other.

That's the thing about collecting, isn't it?

It gives anything a purpose.

Exactly.

I mean, it could just, as you say, be bogeys at apple cores, bottle tops.

But you collect them because it basically comes down to the conkers theory, which is just, what do you do with, did you ever play conkers at school?

I mean, conkers is a waste of time.

What about this?

Sand warriors.

That's good.

Grains of sand.

They're little, that's a bit too small, they could get easily lost.

Oh, come on.

Great, they're $5.99 each.

Grains of sand.

And if you look at them through a specially supplied microscope, you can see they're like robots again.

That's too small they would get too easily lost.

We're focusing it in.

Because at the moment like crazy bones have been banned in a lot of schools because of the arguments that ensue.

That's too much for craze.

That's the sign of a good craze.

If it's banned in schools, you're there.

You've won.

Exactly.

Um, so mecha sticks.

But look, mecha sticks, right?

Here's the thing, they come with the lolly, and the lolly is called lollibots.

Of course it is.

So you, it's exciting, it's like, Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, you know, you don't know which one you need to complete the set.

You're going through the lollibots and thinking... Oh, you had to eat the lolly to reveal the bot?

Exactly!

I hope I get... I hope I get... John Bot!

I haven't thought too... No, John, it's good.

Is it?

Yeah, it's a good start.

I hope I get John Bot!

Oh no!

It's Robbie again!

I've got Robbie!

I wanted John Bot!

What sort of a child is this?

The one from the end of Don't Look Now.

He's a child that's eaten too many lollibots.

Right.

Oh no!

I hate this child.

What did John bought?

A wrap and wrap another?

I wish I'd never had this child.

It's awful.

We've run out of lollipops!

So the text number for your ideas is 640 and I was nervous about saying ideas plural because they might just be the one.

64046 or the email is AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk for this week's Text the Nation.

Are you okay now?

So we need a title for the the craze stroke game and we need a description of what it would involve.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's basically all we're talking about.

Here's a bit of free play action for you now listeners.

This is a remix of a track by the pastels which came on it was like about 10 years ago.

Maybe there was a remix album of some of their stuff.

I think they're from Scotland under Scottish group very primitive indie band the pastels.

And I think it was Ian Carmichael that remixed this track called the Viaduct.

Enjoy!

That's the Pastels, remixed by Ian Carmichael.

That track's called The Viaduct.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

It's 10.30, time now for the news.

New order with bizarre love triangles.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music, and it's a pleasure to be here with you, ladies and gentlemen.

We're getting a lot of excellent ideas for collectible toys for children, which is this week's Text the Nation.

But another thing that could have been a Text the Nation, but it isn't going to be, it's just a subject for a quick bit of chittle-chattle, is what's happening to the satellite TV channels.

A lot of them are being renamed.

Have you noticed that?

Yeah, well Richard and Judy are now on what claims to be a brand new channel which is called... It's called Watch.

Watch.

And it used to be living though, right?

Correct, yeah.

So they spent a lot of money, they've obviously focus grouped it and stuff, and they've rebranded it as Watch.

There's another channel that used to be, it used to be called UK Gold or something, and it now just called itself Gold.

Oh, right.

But it's now an acronym.

G-O-L-D, right.

Go on, laugh daily.

Or so it says on the bus stop near my tube.

Yeah, I think they've got variations on what that acronym could stand for.

Right, really.

Because maybe it's quite a good channel.

It's got nothing but classic comedy repeated all day with a proviso that all satellite channels are unwatchable because of the adverts.

Yeah.

That having said, if you can manage to skip the adverts, the programs on G-O-L-D are quite good.

But yeah, Dave did it as well, right?

What did Dave used to be?

I can't remember.

Some sort of man-based channel?

I don't know.

Dave wasn't... No, Bravo's something different.

Bravo's still Bravo, right?

I don't know.

I can't keep up.

Maybe.

Someone will tell us.

But Dave seemed to be the first time they decided we're going to throw off, you know, the bonds of conventionality with TV station names and just have any kind of word that might get people interested in us.

I mean, I guess it worked because we can't remember what Dave used to be.

Exactly.

It's redefined it brilliantly.

And Watch is an exciting channel.

It's got... Have you seen the Idents for Watch?

No.

It's got a group of about 15 people, I suppose, representing the viewership of Watch, rolling a big eyeball up a hill.

Oh, yes.

As if they're triumphant, as if they're, you know, going to roll it to their palace gates and smash down the door and kick the king in the nutty.

Yes.

They look very triumphant, they're kind of emboldened, their heads are held high, their mixed races creeds, and they're rolling the giant eyeballs.

It's like a big Benetton gang's got hold of an eyeball.

Yeah, fighting for their right to watch Richard and Judy interview Josh Hartnett every day against a bright red background.

Yeah.

But I was wondering how you would pep up the other channels with new names.

Hmm.

You know, BBC3, that now sounds quite old school, doesn't it?

Well, they went through many, many... I mean, they started off as... That's true.

Choice.

UK Play, at one point they were.

At one point they were called Snot, with four exclamation marks.

Rubbles, I think they were at one stage.

Boobs, with a Z. And apparently, BBC3 are gonna turn, they're gonna change their name to F Off, exclamation mark.

Because that's just what the kids like, and that's what they say to everybody after they've delivered a pilot or one series.

Because these days in youth culture, ideas move so quickly that you can't have more than one series of anything.

That's true, isn't it?

Put it on, try it out, cancel it next.

BBC4, also a very conventional old-school name for a channel, don't you think?

They've never had any kind of rebranding there, have they?

I think they should be called De La Pense.

And it's actually spelled P-E-N-S-E, as in French for think of the thought kind of thing.

That's not exactly right, but from who cares.

But luckily it sounds like the word pense.

So de la pense, a bivouvoir le programme sur de la pense.

Oh, vous est du pense, oui?

There is a channel that you might like, it's a fair pense, it's BBC Pense.

I don't like to do down BBC 4 though, it's a cheap low blow and it's actually the best channel.

Oh, man, I was only... Yeah, of course, everyone knows it's the best channel there is.

Yeah, you've got your best docs on there, the best music, everything.

Yeah, without doubt.

But there you go, just a couple of ideas, because I think it's the way forward, isn't it?

You don't want numbers and a corporate branding on channel names anymore.

You want a buzzy word that makes you excited.

Well, oi is staring someone in the face.

Really?

What would that be?

That was kind of a yobby channel for yobs.

Bravo, possibly.

It could have nothing but police, you know, those documentaries about the police stopping binge drinkers and stuff.

Yes, exactly.

Oi!

yeah and that would just be that would be the item wouldn't it yeah boy and i mean that was a musical movement as well wasn't it boy and you could have a little bit of fat music uh over some of the items some of the items are quite good for these channels there was one the other day

I got excited thinking about it.

Why?

Oh, gosh, because they were quite good.

There was one, maybe it was for a movie channel.

I can't, obviously the items were so good.

It was so exciting.

It's a blow, it's a blow.

I can't remember exactly what happened, what happened so far.

I can't remember which channel they were for, so maybe they weren't that great.

But the, the, the items themselves featured a little gang of people kind of reenacting like movies as if they were doing charades, you know?

So it was like a little mini scene to describe a whole movie.

Right.

And it was quite amusing, I thought.

They're quite well done.

Yeah, you know, you can't have Film 4 called Film 4 anymore.

No.

That's an old-school title.

What could that be called?

Flixzzz.

Yes, with an XZ.

I mean, there is something like that already, though, isn't there?

Yeah, with an XZ.

No.

Flixzzz.

Three X's and a Z?

Yeah.

Four Zeds.

Maybe four Zeds, yeah.

Anyway, there's something to think about.

We'll be reading out some of your exciting ideas to rip off kids with collectible games quite soon after this song by the Mystery Jets.

This is called Two Doors Down.

Text-a-nation.

Text, text, text.

Text-a-nation.

What if I don't want to?

Text-a-nation.

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter.

Text!

It takes the nation time and this week's proposition is invent new collectible craze things for kids.

Inspired by the craze for go-go's crazy bones.

Yeah and we've been flooded with ideas, some of them are very strong, again I think this is going to make us some money.

I hope so.

So I'm going to pitch these to you Dr. Buckles and you've got to tell me whether you're going to go with these.

All right.

You run some kind of a company, a kids toy company.

Yeah, rip-off, kids, kids rip-off.

We haven't even finished it, it's finalized the name.

Right, okay.

KidRips.

So here's the first idea.

This comes from Scott from Norfolk.

He says, what about stinks and diseases in which children exchange both stinks and diseases?

I'm imagining some brightly coloured Petri dishes, a different type of sort of disease mould in each one.

They've maybe got crazy faces on them.

And you swap them and rub them in your eye or something to get a disease.

It's not going to be popular with parents, is it?

Well, it happens already.

I mean, that's... Yeah, but why not harness it and sell it?

It happens, but no-one's making any money from it.

The toy companies certainly aren't.

The medicine companies maybe are with their fun medicines.

But can't the toy companies have a slice of that pie?

That's a nice idea.

I just...

Okay, we move on when we hear that noise, usually.

Here is one from somebody who says, Conkers, but with a Q-U.

Ah!

Okay, it'll be hard to make that sound cool because it sounds exactly like Conkers, so maybe Con-ker-rs.

They're Conkers painted different colours, I suppose.

Also, they're perfectly round.

Yeah.

That's the thing, man.

The genius of the thing is to take something that's already perfectly... Naturally available and fine.

And sell it back to them.

Well, I'm sure that's been done.

I'm sure people have... I'm sure you can get plastic Conquers.

Really?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Yeah, I'm sure I've seen that.

Like, battling Conquers.

Maybe you feel like you have such a good idea, but... No, I'm sure it happened.

I'm sure they attempted to launch it a few years ago.

I'm thinking.

But you could still market it if you wanted, if your company wanted to.

Well, I bet the name hasn't been told.

That's a good name.

Conquers with a Q. Yeah.

Quankers.

Here's another very good one.

I like this one from Danny in Bedford.

He says bagel.

Kids collect plastic bags and compete on the basis of tensile strength.

That's a good idea.

So they have a little sort of a tug of war with the bag.

And if it snaps and maybe your opponent hits their head in a hurt badly, you've won!

The problem with bagel though is it's not very eco-friendly because you would have to produce a new set of plastic bags in order to market them yourself.

Well, no children's toys are eco-friendly, are they?

Children are basically destroying the planet with their nappies and toys.

It's mainly their fault.

Yeah, that's true Yeah, but bagel I would say is on the more overt end of you're showing an Surprising amount of heart for the company for the head of a toy company for kid rips for kid rips Kid rips doesn't usually worry about it.

No, I think it's a great idea Let's get into production.

What's it called again bagel bagel?

Yeah I like it.

It's really good

Here's another one from Paul in Broccoli.

How about automatons?

Collectible characters drawn on leaves.

£5 for a pack of four.

But get this, the rarest characters can't be bought but are hidden on a few trees across the country.

That is brilliant, because lots of kids would think they'd seen one high up a trimmer.

They'd fall and hurt themselves.

It would be all over the tabs.

Ah, priceless publicity.

And what cares if a couple of kids have a couple of broken bones?

If it means that rip-off kids make a bit more... KidRips?

KidRips makes a bit more money.

That's true, yeah.

We could put them in really high trees, couldn't we?

Hard to climb trees as well.

But the only problem with that is that it's too seasonal.

What happens at the end of autumn when they all fall down, they become readily available to absolutely anybody.

No, that's not so good for kidrips.

Okay, so Paul from broccoli is being turned down there by kidrips.

Nicely, keep thinking.

I like it, Paul has something to do with barks, something to encourage kids to randomly strip bark from trees.

Hubcaps with a zed.

That'll be good.

That'd be great.

Or of course the medallions from Mercedes-Benz bring back that craze.

Why not?

Here is Lee who sends a text saying how about atom lords?

Atom sized action figures invisible to the human eye.

Well this is like your sand idea.

Each box has a billion.

And a coupon to purchase a microscope to see them through.

And a ticket to the Hadron Collider.

They already sell invisible action figures, don't they, in those kind of, uh, you know, grown-up toy shop, you know, novelty shops.

You could exchange, you could have something where you're exchanging, like, concepts, you know?

Uh, I, just ideas for, okay, this rubbish, I'm just gonna stop talking.

This rubbish is an absolute rubbish.

Gotta have something physical to hold.

Just a disgrace.

I'm gonna stop talking.

Joe, let's have some more music.

Let's have one of your free plays and come back to... That's a good idea.

Is this the JB's?

Yeah.

Yeah, this is the Jungle Brothers with tribe vibes.

That is good, man.

When's that from then?

I think it's from Done by the Forces of Nature, isn't it?

It's from one of the early Jungle Brothers albums.

Oh yeah, yes, Anthony's nodding there.

She's a fellow hip hop expert piece.

Anthony, she's looking after us today.

Giving me some confused hand signals.

I think she's just threatened me in a gang manner.

Might get taken out after the show.

This is Adam and Jo on Six Music.

Just coming up to the top of the hour gives us a couple of minutes to talk about the following Adam go.

Rats.

How much do you know about rats?

I know you've had problems with rats.

You've told a very stirring story before about finding a rubbish bag in your house full of rats and actually teeming with wriggling rats.

A while ago when I had a flat in north London and... The home of rats.

Yeah, it was like a basement flat.

and came down after a couple of weeks away, after Christmas one time, and the bag was bulging with rats.

It was alive with rats.

It was like a big rat bag.

And then later on that night, when I was on the Laffy, reading my music magazine or whatever it was, a rat emerged from behind the cistern and ran out over my foot.

While I was sat there, you know, it was in the middle of the night I had gone in a semi-conscious state to the Lavi, and you're half awake, or half asleep or whatever, and the rat ran out of the door.

This is the old rat story.

I found out some new rat facts the other day, right?

This is a week or two ago, even, in the...

paper someone alerted this to me.

Britain's rat population is growing at a startling rate thanks to the warmer climate, thanks Al Gore, and because of increasingly slovenly refuse habits, you know, less rubbish collection, all that.

Slovenly.

Check out these rat facts, right?

Rats can gnaw through steel and metal and are incapable of vomiting.

they will eat anything.

20 times a day.

Really?

20 times a day.

The male rat sometimes mates until the partner dies of exhaustion.

They have such a good time.

I mean, these are party animals, aren't they?

They're drinking without vomiting.

They're shagging themselves literally to death.

A single pair of rats can produce 15,000 offspring a year.

Nearly as many as you.

I mean, that is a lot, isn't it?

That is even more than me.

15,000 from a single pair of rats.

7% of house fires in Britain are caused by rats.

They're the perfect organism.

Right.

They're biological life taken to its absolute perfect extreme.

Rats and cockroaches.

They look beautiful.

They live beautifully.

Check this out.

They are the only animal that the SAS are banned from eating.

Right.

Because they love plague.

They always hang out and they love a little bit of plague.

And they're not bothered by it.

They're not going to vomit.

I've eaten some plague.

I've had a little bit of plague with my cables.

Is that a problem, do you think, Martin?

No, don't worry about it.

You'll be fine.

That's how they talk.

It's not like in Ratatouille, you know.

It's grotesque.

Also, how about this?

Are you enjoying these rat facts?

Yes, I'm loving them.

Did you know that a collective noun for the rats is a mischief of rats?

A mischief of rats.

Can you look a bit more interested in the rat facts?

I thought that was interesting.

It's interesting.

Okay, only two more rat facts, right?

And then it's the top of the hour.

We can have the top of our channel.

Alright.

That's all you're worried about, isn't it?

I just don't like facts.

What's wrong with facts?

Don't tire me.

I don't want to know facts.

I want to know lies.

But keep going anyway.

Here we go.

You can make up some lies.

Did you know... It's just this fact that you've got them off the internet.

You always bring me down whenever I get facts.

from the internet.

It's not from the internet, it was from a newspaper.

And I wrote it down.

I take it back.

Thank you.

I mean, I found the obstacle on the internet.

Just get the facts over with.

Did you know that rats, they can collapse their skeletons and crawl through holes as narrow as three-quarters of an inch.

Like the man in the X-Files, too.

Exactly like you.

Tombs you see now you're interested as well everyone can tell you what I can do.

Oh, what's the big deal?

Okay, last rap fact.

Um, did you know?

Rats are cannibals.

Right.

I mean, you don't get any of these rat facts in Ratatouille.

Which one of those rat facts was covered in Ratatouille?

That's true.

It's a different film, wouldn't it?

I think so.

I mean, they might consider some of these for the sequel.

It could be some kind of sort of Norwegian adult cartoon voiced by Simon Pegg.

Hey, yeah, what was the name of that cartoon?

Free Jimmy.

I didn't read very many glowing reviews for that one.

Have you seen it?

No.

I'm sure it's very good.

I'm sure it's a treat.

That is the end of Rat Facts.

Oh, thank God.

the top of our sting

Now, I want to know when the Madness film, do you remember the Madness film, Take It or Leave It?

Yeah.

Is that available?

I was watching Babylon, which is a fantastic London reggae film from 1980, 79, 78 maybe, not quite sure.

Just been re-released on DVD.

It is wicked.

Really really good.

It's kind of a rarity that's vanished for a while.

What is a narrative thing or is a narrative?

But lots of amazing reggae in it and lots of footage of sound systems, you know those big sound system parties Shaka Zulu or whatever he's called.

It was very good though Yeah, thumbs up.

But do you remember take it or leave it the madness film that had that brilliant fight with neon tubes on there?

I never saw it though.

Was it really good?

Yeah, it was just maybe it's got to be quite interesting now movies like that that weren't very good at the time sometimes become amazingly interesting.

There's always little bits of interest 20 years like the clash movie rude boy, which has also got a sort of thin narrative, but you also get little glimpses of the clash in action and in the studio and stuff.

So it's

I think 30 after 30 years, pretty much anything becomes just interesting just because it's of the backgrounds, like the streets people are standing in and the words they're using and all the old time behaviour that you didn't realise was going to date.

Right, a little time capsule.

Yeah, that's very much the case with Babylon, which was pretty great anyway, but now it's like amazing capturing the streets of London in the 70s and how grottian, derelict and fogian.

Was that doing all the stripes and everything?

Yeah, well it was just before the first Brixton riots in 1980.

Ooh.

But you forget how grotty everything in London was.

It was.

Gray and grim.

Obviously it's going to get that way again after the big depression.

Gray and grim rather than gray and green.

Anyway, if anyone knows whether you can take it or leave it, I'd like to have it.

Did you know that Richard Curtis was involved with trying to write a movie for madness as a kind of vehicle for the Nutty Boys?

Well, they were in The Young Ones, weren't they?

Of course, yeah.

Playing in a public episode of The Young Ones.

As a connection, was Curtis involved with The Young Ones?

He... I don't know.

Ben Elton was, certainly.

I think maybe he was.

Well, no, because Ben Elton then hooked up with Curtis to do that.

It's not unusual for the comedy scene to be connected with the music scene, is it?

No, you know exactly writing.

Yeah, cuz like well, obviously there's that thing about Spielberg was gonna get involved with Supergrass to do Oh really to do a TV show around them Yeah, cuz like the monkeys like exactly was that true though.

Yes, it was true.

Yeah, they have a hit in the States Supergrass They did I'd be surprised if Spielberg wanted to do it.

No, he definitely did there was a meeting.

Yeah, I

The video directors, Dom and Nick, one of whom is a brother of Danny Goffee, the drummer, and they directed a lot of their videos.

They're brilliant directing team, Dom and Nick, and they did, you know, the all right video.

They did all the iconic.

Supergrass videos and they went out and had a meeting with Spielberg about the possibility of doing the, you know, like a Supergrass TV show.

But it's one of those things, you know, that just slips through the cracks and they never got it together in the end.

Sorry about that.

Well, listen, this was going to be a text the nation link.

Shall we still do some or shall we have another record and cut?

Let's have another record and come back to text the nation.

Here's a little bit of gold frat for you.

This is Strict Machine.

Foldgrat with Strict Machine.

That was exciting.

There was chit chat about them being at the electric proms the other day.

Is that right?

Doing an amazing set.

Yeah, they'd converted a room into like a little folk tent there and they were delighting the armies of gold frat fans with their sexy sounds.

Shall we resume textination?

Yes, shall we have a jingle just to give a bit of, you know, structure to proceedings?

Textination!

Text!

Textination!

What if I don't want to?

Textination!

But I'm using email, is that a problem?

It doesn't matter, text!

That's better.

Now, are you there the head of what were you called, your company?

KidRips.

Yeah, you're there.

Good, good, good.

So here's an idea.

If you've just tuned in, we're asking for new collectible crazes for kids, things that can be marketed.

Inspired by the craze for Go Go Crazy Bones.

Yeah, we've had a lot of very, very good suggestions.

This is from Chris and Kylie.

They suggest gladiator peas.

Peas with tiny swords with a badly painted bowl as an arena.

A lion could be a peanut with a bit of black marker on it.

Will be rich, I tells ya.

Says Chris and Kylie.

Well...

I mean, forgive me for doing your job for you, Mr. Crap Kids, whatever you call kidrips.

Ah, but that seems as if you wouldn't have to pay for it.

I mean, you'd just get some frozen peas and you'd have hundreds of little fellas.

Yeah, I don't want to encourage kids to make their own toys.

Exactly.

You know, when that starts happening, that's when everything goes.

Yeah, it's a very stupid idea, Chris.

Bottoms up.

Bad idea.

You'll hate that idea.

Here's George from Petersfield who says, How about something called twocks?

Essentially, they're little foam discs you throw at people's foreheads to twock them.

You get points for hitting different areas of the forehead.

The discs have pictures of celebrity foreheads on.

Christina Ritchie's is the size of a dinner plate.

George from Petersfield, that's quite a good idea because again it'll get in the tabloids, it'll get blinded or it'll get its retina scratched.

Well some like a gang will start using metal twocks and you know they would just become embedded in people's skulls.

Throwing stars.

Exactly.

But you wouldn't have to take any responsibility because your company manufactures the foam ones.

Right.

So you can't control what kids do.

I like twocks, I think twocks is a great idea.

I like the idea of the

I'm pretty sure it's absolutely fine to encourage children to throw things directly at people's eyes and faces.

They're very soft things, they're foamy.

I'm certain that that's fine, and I'm sure it's a fun idea that kids will enjoy and we can charge them a lot of money for.

Going ahead with that.

Yes, I liked walks.

Good.

Well done, George, from Peter's Field.

You're in the money.

KidRips likes it.

Here's one from Rich.

A new craze.

Plastic fast food cutlery shaped like martial arts weapons to appeal to slightly mentally unstable boys.

Can't think of an amusing name, and now I think about it.

My idea's a bit pants, says Rich.

It's kind of crumpling mid-text there.

Well, it's a good idea for the fast food joints.

They could certainly market a line of cutlery for their stuff, you know.

And the obese kids would be having fun with their martial arts cutlery there, you know.

One more quick one.

This is a good one, I think.

James is suggesting hyperclips, not just any old paperclips, but hyper cyborg paperclips that link themselves together into amazing shapes such as lines and circles.

says James.

That's a good idea.

That is a good idea, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Multipurpose.

I'm not sure.

I can't quite envisage the clip.

I mean, they already do big novelty clips, don't they?

Big plastic ones with the, you know, characters on them.

Well, if you keep going on the same kind of stationary tip, what about some sort of thing with

I mean, you can already get different types of thumbtacks, can't you?

The key is to give each paperclip a name, a character, a backstory, a kingdom, friends, right?

It's giving the object the value of a whole person in a world, right?

Yeah.

It makes them collectible.

We talked about crazies that children invent themselves a while back.

Obviously that's not good for kid ropes because you can't regulate it.

But do you remember like at school, what was the thing you had at school?

At our school we had SPAC-TAC, which was a, people got blue-tac and they combined it with toothpaste.

We had, no, we just had a war of blue versus adhesive.

Oh, that's right.

That was just which word you used.

You were a glue person or an adhesive person.

Here's one more from Alex Vernon-Kell.

He says, hi.

Vernon-K.

Kel, I'm afraid.

This game is called Knuckleheads.

You get little rings with different faces on, called knuckle bashers.

The kids wear the rings and punch each other till the other one surrenders his knuckle basher.

Then you are the knuckle master.

That's good.

I like the idea that the knuckle dusters would have backwards faces and you'd actually punch, bruise them into your opponent's face.

It's a lot of fun.

You've got Lord Bash on your cheek.

That would sell.

Absolutely.

It's great.

It's fun.

It's encouraging children to take physical exercise.

It's a little bit of harmless fun.

Imagine a twock attack followed up.

Buy a knife called Bash.

Bash, yeah.

Because it's something that's happening anyway, it's a lot of violence in the street.

Why not turn it into something fun?

Well, collectible knives, that's a whole other.

Thank you very much and dice.

Text the nation will continue a bit later, so keep your ideas coming in.

We'll do one more go-through of them.

Here's a little free play for you now.

Would you pronounce his name Shuggie Otis or Shuggie Otis?

I pronounce it Shuggie Huggie.

Shuggie Huggie.

This is Strawberry Letter 23 and lovely it is too.

Album of the year surely.

What's your album of the year?

The vampire weekend album.

It's got to be up there on people's lists, you would think.

Album of the year for you, Joe Cornish?

Oh, I don't really know.

I'd have to think about that.

Don't you think about it all the time?

Don't you just sit there compiling your album of the year list towards this time of the year?

No, you're right.

I should, though, shouldn't I?

I bet you six music are going to ask us, aren't they?

How very irresponsible.

When the new year comes, we'll be asked for our top ten album.

The leaves start falling from the trees.

You haven't even thought about your album of the year.

It's terrible, isn't it?

You're a disgrace.

What kind of DJ are you?

You're the worst kind of DJ.

Bad one.

The worst.

I am.

I admit that freely.

Have you got any rat facts?

I was thinking of giving up.

Do you have rat facts?

No, I don't have rat facts.

No, none rat facts.

I can't operate the internet.

None rat facts.

What have you got?

I've got facts about foreign film posters.

OK, then.

OK.

I've noticed, you know, I'm obsessed with film poster design.

Sure.

I think it's collapsed.

The imagination's gone out of the industry.

Whenever you get a comedy, it's a white background with some Photoshop people.

Badly.

And the title in red.

This was noticed by the fellow that edits that website, Ultra Culture, who's a bit of a fan of ours.

He does a very good website and he's got a whole string

of film posters for light comedies all designed around the same template.

The title in red against a white background and then two or three photoshopped people.

How to Win Friends and Influence People, Lose Friends and Alienate People is the most recent offender.

Not criticizing the film in any way, just the poster.

Wedding days, all the scary movie and epic movie films.

He's got an amazing string of them.

And they're all like that.

But I've noticed a new trend that's emerged this week with sort of classy foreign movies, like the film Gamora, that's doing boffo biz in the art houses.

There's a film called La Zona, which is Argentinian or Spanish or something, and it's about kids invading a gated community.

And there's another film called Incendiary with Ewan McGregor, and that's a sort of London-set terrorist thriller.

They've all got exactly the same poster design, which is six or seven squares with images, different scenes from the film, and then the title in kind of stamped red typeface diagonally against black.

All three of those films have exactly the same layout.

It was very disturbing.

In Time Out this week I noticed that.

And then the two other films that had posters, Ghost Town and some Italian film, both featured a man on a bench.

Right.

Looking bored.

Forrest Gump as well as the other obvious one there.

Can you think of any other bench ones?

How can it be that in one week three films come out with exactly the same poster design?

Is it because one of them's been a success and the other two just want literally think people are so stupid that they'll just mistake one film for the other film?

well especially their money you're I mean you were telling me how much money they spend on marketing all these things it's more than the budget of the film sometimes right sometimes and so they don't want to take any chances the more money that gets spent the less chances people want to take right yeah so especially in the art of poster design which can really make a difference to your measures used to

be good though.

Quantum of Solace, do you remember the Bond posters?

Yeah.

Do you remember there used to be like a sexy lady and a villain shooting out and a rocket and an explosion and a jet ski and it all bursting out of the wall at you?

Do you remember the poster for A View to a Kill, was it?

The one with Grace Jones in it.

And they extended Bond's legs to a ludicrous degree.

Right.

And so it looked as if his legs were like about six miles long.

Right.

But it was good, you know, it did the job.

That wasn't the one, was it, for your eyes only, which had the lady's legs?

And you're looking through the lady's legs at Bond.

Yes, maybe.

And her legs are unusually wide apart at the top.

As if she'd just dropped Bond from, she'd just given birth to Bond and he'd just popped out.

It's a little physical Bond release.

Anyway, watch out for that.

Film poster similarity.

Two thumbs up for Gamora from Joe Phil's Cornish.

Oh yeah, he likes it.

And what was the La Zona?

Have you seen that one?

No.

What?

Go.

What?

Oh, what other films?

Have you seen that?

The films?

Have you seen that?

I thought Horton, Here's the Who.

On DVD.

Yes.

That's not bad, is it?

It's not bad.

Beautiful.

In places, I thought.

It's beautiful to look at.

In places, yeah.

We thought we had a little viewing of the new Indiana Jones.

Right.

Or Indiana Bones, as my boys call it.

Nice.

Man, they were so excited.

But it had to be halted because it was too scary.

Really?

Yes.

At what point was it too scary when they go when the men come out of the walls?

Exactly.

Yeah, that's scary, isn't it?

Exactly then.

Yeah.

And I just thought, and then I felt like a fool.

I looked at the DVD box and it's a 12.

I just thought, you jerk.

What kind of parallel?

You broke the law.

I didn't even think to look at it because, you know, I just thought, Indiana Jones, that's family fun, isn't it?

What's gonna happen to your children?

There they are, eating dog turds, watching 18 certificate films, throwing things at each other's faces.

They're traumatised, so they never got to see the ridiculous alien denouement.

Hey!

Of...of...of...of Close Encounters.

Erm...of...of...of Close Encounters.

Erm...of...of Close Encounters.

Erm...of Close Encounters.

Erm...of...of Close Encounters.

Erm...of Close Encounters.

Erm...of Close Enc

It's time to recap.

Song Wars, the part of the show where Adam and I go off and individually compose, record and perform a song on a theme.

And this week's theme was spookiness and scariness because it's Halloween of course on Friday.

And this is your second chance to hear those songs.

That was nice, man.

It was a good little bit of sing-setting there.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

You're the king of setting the scene.

Thank you.

So we'll start with yours this time.

Right, this is about the... It's a scary song.

It doesn't sound scary because it's jazzy sounding, but it's about a scary thing.

Makes it even scarier.

Which is the place where a serial killer does all his disgusting work and down in his basement, aka the Nutty Room.

Nutty!

I am a nutty man, I'm sitting in my nutty room And I'm cutting some bits of human skin to make it to a big cocoon It's a tune for the cops and I'm burning out the stops Because I am a complicated loon Look at the jars, look at the jars, look at the things inside the jars I put some fingers there, some hair and several wickies Look at the walls, look at the walls, totally covered in grays

and from time to time I had a couple of stinkings I love the smell and the gloom of my crazy, nutty moon Come on over, falls on levels and some drinkings It's so wonderful to meet you when you come Welcome to my nutty lair Careful of the pit, mind the pie to sh** have a seat on the bed of human hair I hope you like injections, it's about to fly collections and the work of the former Leo Sam

Crazy, have you ever seen a person who was so completely nuts?

Lazy, oh no, who's working, making, coming out of other people's guts?

Patrick Swayze

90!

I am a 90 man I'm sitting in my 90 room And I've got to eat So it's a cure my skin to make it to a big cocoon It's a cure for all the cops And I'm pulling out the stops Because I have a cop who came to lose

Very good Nutty Room there, that's Adam's song for Song Wars.

Was that recorded over a... Did you make the music?

Did I assemble a jazz band?

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I got the loops and everything if that's what you mean.

You got the loops.

Yeah, it's not like a pre-assembled backing track.

That's good, it sounds very tight.

Oh, it's jazzy.

It's very jazzy.

So you can see the lyrics from Nutty Room there on... So you keep

saying I think the lyrics are crystal clear do you yeah I don't you got a lyric problem there myself I was worried they might be a little bit garbled but if you do want to just sing along with nutty room if you're doing listen again you can find the lyrics on the six music website let's hear Joe's right now if you want garbled lyrics this is the song for you this is called hello mr. ghost

This song is designed to be heard by ghosts It's got the ultrasonic noises that ghost like most so If you hear a ghost then don't be scared scared

Feels like when you're dead Is it like poltergeist or drop dead friends at all?

While we're talking, Mr. Gust, I'd like to ask a favour.

I don't suppose there's any chance that you'd possess my neighbour.

He plays his stereo too loud, I'd exorcise him later.

You're Mr. Ghost but it's time to go It's one to mess with forces that you cannot control So if you are a ghost, please go away, away

Two terrifying songs to choose from for Halloween this year.

That's exciting, isn't it?

A power of the chaos for everybody.

How did you get that bone noise?

You must have been pleased when you found out.

Which one's that?

The sort of xylophone.

Oh, that's just a xylophone on GarageBand.

Is it?

Yeah.

From my orchestra jam pack.

Must have been delighted when you found that.

Yeah, it's got a bit of Skellington style.

It's good.

I mean, you've got the edge certainly with the atmosphere there.

Well, it's two different aspects to terror, isn't it?

It's your traditional supernatural ghost terror and your very human psychologically dysfunctional serial killer fear, both tropes represented.

It's like Saw 5.

You know that Saw poster that's on the side of buses?

It's been banned.

And it says it's

been banned.

Just something's been squashed, hasn't it?

And there's just splats of blood and bits of hair.

Well, I was wondering about it because I thought Can you just bandy around the word band like that is they're not like I'm sure yeah if you purposely like say we're gonna advertise The Adam and Joe radio show on six music with a picture of Adam with a steel girder embedded in his head and

Yeah, but I mean, can you just claim that you've had something banned if it's never been banned?

Because basically what they may have done, right?

Best case scenario, the people, the sore poster people submitted their design and it was not acceptable.

It didn't comply with the correct standards, right?

So they said they intended it to be banned, though.

Yeah, but no one ever said, oh no, this is going to be badly.

Yeah, the ASA.

No, of course you can't put that up.

Don't be silly.

Wicked.

Banned.

You can just claim that it's been banned, because obviously it's to drive people to their website where they can see the uncensored version.

Oh, website.

It's worked on cornballs.

I'm off.

I'm going.

Because otherwise you can just claim anything's been banned.

I want to know what I'm not allowed to see.

I'm falling into their trap.

You're completely falling into it.

I think you've got to change thought in its mouth.

I think it looks to me like the cover of that Monty Python album where with all the guts falling out, you know, where they've got like a slash across it.

Why didn't they ban that one?

Tell you what, I'm going to find out and then we'll tell you and then no one need worry.

I don't believe it's been banned.

Needn't bother seeing the film.

They should ban the film.

They should ban you.

Ban you more like.

Stupid.

Yes, I win.

Let's play some more music now.

Oh, this is Emmy the Great.

Have you heard of Emmy the Great?

No.

I've seen her on YouTube.

She's adorable.

Really?

Yes.

I'm going to look at her as well.

And she's a kind of talented... She's quite posh.

That's a bad thing.

But she seems like a precociously intelligent and beautiful young woman, and she's got folk chops on her with a winning way with an odd lyric.

And this track is called We Almost Had a Baby.

So I'm here on the Saw 5 website.

It's a restricted site.

Now no one actually honours these restriction things, do they?

He's got a mask made of a person's face!

Made of his own face, because he died in the last one, didn't he?

And now somehow he can't back.

Have you actually seen it?

No, I skipped the last one, but I read somewhere.

It's saying, enter restricted site.

First name?

Buffalo.

Enter restricted site?

What's that all about?

Are they just trying to pretend that it's so scary and terrifying?

House or PO box number?

You need to pointlessly enter your name. 666.

Zip code 666.

When were you born?

The sixth of the six-nineteen-fixty-six.

Do they have that?

Let's have a look.

Forty-eight, fifty, sorry.

This is going to be amazing though because now none of us

have to see the film saw five enter enter oh it's forbidden me with my satanic address what i'm gonna put in my real one better talk about something else why do you have to put it what they're gonna just send you saw stuff now aren't they uh let's send the bbc saw stuff joseph don't need more junk mail

It's got a mask made out of a face!

Last name Cornish.

OK.

So, listeners, a couple of people were asking if the pirate jingles, the pirate interruptions that Garth and myself did a few weeks back were available as ringtones.

There's a few of them up on the BBC Six music Adam and Jo site at the moment.

And some people were asking for the cake one to be put up there as well.

Let's just have a little reminder of what that sounded like.

This was just to remind you, Garth and I were doing the kind of little snatches of pirate radio that sometimes interrupt your radio listening if you're listening to analog radio that you don't get on digital.

We wanted to bring the analog experience into the digital world.

And so while you're listening and kind of crossing bandwidths in your car every now and again, you get snatches of this kind of thing.

What a nice bit of cake now!

Nice, look, a bit of cake!

Look at the cake now!

So we were going to put that on the website, but I've actually finished.

Well, I haven't finished it, but I've done like a slightly longer version of the slice of cake pirate thing there.

And I'm going to put that on probably my blog sometime this week, but there'll be a link from the Six Music website to that.

And it's Adam-Buckston.co.uk is where you could find it or of course go through the

6 Music website to find that extended pirate-cake interruption.

This is the American site, right?

It says... This is banned.

No, this I had to go through to the British one.

So it's got a trailer for Soar on there.

It's banned!

It's all banned!

Where's the poster?

You just wanna see the poster?

For goodness sake.

It's got a gallery.

It's the worst day of my life.

They can't do that and then not have the poster image.

I mean, that's outrageous, isn't it?

The good folks from Soar, you would think they would... I wanna be shocked!

Oh, ooh.

Oh dear.

Why is he there?

Why is he in that Nutty Room?

He's not happy at all.

You know, he would benefit from a little bit of the Nutty Room music.

Oh, that should be banned.

Oh my God.

That should be banned.

It's a load of old rubbish.

OK, Joe, here's a free play.

Now, this is yours, Bobo Dessert.

Is it?

Oh, yes.

I meant to play this earlier in the show, really.

I play this every now and then.

This is a reggae song about the joys of having a cup of tea.

So if you're boiling a cup of tea, or if you enjoy tea, or if you feel like now's a good moment maybe to have some tea, then you'll enjoy this song.

I'm not sure it's conventional tea they're celebrating in this song.

It could be her.

Fun tea.

But anyway, this is a fun song about tea by Bobo Desert and Luciano.

There we go, that's Bobo Desert and Luciano with cup of tea.

We're Adam and Jo, thank you very much for listening to us for the last few hours.

Thanks to everyone who's texted and also emailed.

Don't forget to vote for your Song Wars song.

It's looking like it's gonna be a walk over.

You reckon?

Yeah.

No hope for the corns.

No, I might as well not have bothered.

But we'll see what happens.

Who knows?

We'll be back at the same time next week.

Liz Kershaw's coming up next.

We're going to a Halloween party next week.

We've got a big Halloween party coming up.

No, we can't talk about it.

I'll tell you why afterwards.

We'll be able to talk about it afterwards.

Possibly.

I'll tell you why in a second.

Tell me why in a second.

When we got off the air.

The most exciting tell me why.

Anything else to say?

Yeah, don't forget to download the podcast listeners.

Yes.

In addition to our scary songs, you will also be able to hear as a little podcast extra, the moment from last week when Joe completely tried.

Well, that's dependent on me listening to it and deciding whether I want it living for ever.

Be the judge of that.

I might want it erased from history.

It was a sweet moment.

Was it?

Yeah, it was nice.

It was nice.

Didn't feel very sweet.

A little chink in the armour.

It's nice to have a few chinks in the armour.

I'm human.

Exactly.

I'm only human.

I'm not the brilliant, flawless person that everyone thought I was.

Exactly.

So I think you'll almost certainly be able to hear that moment on the podcast, which you can download.

I don't know, sometimes it's even Saturday night, but you'll definitely be able to do it at... Five o'clock tonight, apparently.

Yeah.

Wow, it's good work.

Our producer there, James.

Stop work.

Thanks for listening, anyway.

We'll see you next week.

We're leaving you with the shins with So Says I. Oh yeah, and listen, folks, sorry not to go straight into that track, Joe, and rather ruin your flow.

That was brilliantly done.

Thanks, mate.

Don't forget to listen to Jarvis Cocker tomorrow.

He's standing in for Stephen Merchant.

That'll be amazing.

I wish I could meet Jarvis Cocker.

Really?

I almost feel like hanging around just to... I want to meet Stephen Merchant.

He's pretty amazing as well.

Both very tall.

He's stuck in America working with The Rock.

Right.

So I hear.

What, The Wrestler or Chris Rock?

The Wrestler.

Really?

That doesn't sound fun.

He's in a rock film.

Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw as well, ladies and gentlemen.

Have a wonderful week and thank you for listening.

Take care.

Bye.