and welcome to the Big British Castle.
It's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio.
There'll be some music and some random talking in between, and then eventually the whole thing will just end.
BBC Six music Adam and Joe.
It's the, uh, that's a funny noise song there by The Verve.
Love is noise, it's called.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
Good morning, listeners.
My name's Joe.
My name's Adam.
Yeah, and we'll be here with you until noon.
And have we got some exciting things coming up?
Adam, was that rhetorical?
Uh, let's have a think.
What do you think, you're implying that I was implying that we don't have any
No, no, no, I was implying it was like a bit of DJ rhetoric.
Have we got some exciting things coming up?
Oh, I see.
No, I don't say things like that.
No, no.
Really?
No.
Well, you should, man.
You know, that's all the big DJs do it.
It's true, isn't it?
You should really try it.
You can win awards that way.
Don't like rhetoric.
Why?
What's your problem with rhetoric now?
I don't know.
It just gives me the willies.
Oh, for goodness.
See, a nice bit of rhetoric.
Come on.
You're not going to be a politician like that.
It's true.
Right.
Come on.
We need Dr. Cornballs to sort out the Third World War situation.
You're right.
You're right.
Since we were on air last week, the Third World War has begun.
It's not enough.
Bigfoot's been shot.
The Chupacubra's been found.
The world's gone crazy in the last week.
The British cycling team dropped out of the Olympics because it was too smoggy.
Tom Daley didn't win his medal things.
And the X Factor's starting up tonight.
And here's the twist on the new series of the X Factor.
What do you think it is?
It's a new lady.
No.
Doing to judges.
I don't know.
I tell you what it is.
It's only the under fives in the over 80s.
Because that's the only one left, isn't there?
Isn't it?
No, here's the twist.
It's on the cover of The Sun this morning.
It says they're going to be meaner than before.
No, that's good because the world's a tough place and it should be reflected in family entertainment shows.
People should be toughened up.
In a couple of years, they'll just shoot them.
They'll shoot them in their shins and stuff to begin with.
Do you know how I would improve X-Factor?
Or no, maybe Britain's got talent.
I was thinking a twist on that for the new series.
It's just to make all professional celebrities compete in it.
That's a good idea.
So every year you'd have every person in the public eye to compete in.
Celebrities got talent.
National service.
Yeah, you'd just do a sort of cull.
And people like Peaches, Geldof, and us, you know, who reckon we've got something, you know, do we?
Yeah.
Michaela's tracking, were you gonna say?
No, no, no.
And they cut you down to size, is what it's like.
They cut you down to size.
If you weren't good enough, you know Piers Morgan who knows about that kind of thing.
He'd have you out of the business.
We wouldn't be so smug then, would we?
We wouldn't, and many like us wouldn't be so smug.
That's a good idea, don't you think?
Well, no, because I really enjoy being smug.
Right.
So you've kind of put the fear of God into me.
Why would you want to do that and ruin a good thing?
Stupid idea.
Let's have some music.
This is The Doors.
I don't know if you've heard of them.
They're The Doors.
It's named after... Like Val Kilmer's the lead singer.
Exactly.
And this is called Love Her Madly.
I don't know if you know, but there's a film to go along with that song starring Val Kilmer, and it's very good.
Wow.
It's one of my favourites.
That's cool.
They don't usually get the real lead singer to play the lead singer in the biopic.
I know.
It worked out very well for me.
Everyone was delighted.
It's Oliver Stone.
He's very controversial.
He is, he's the hot new controversial director.
He's making a hot new film about George W Bush, who's going to be knocked off his perch.
Good.
When that's released.
Just about time.
Or not, depending on your political point of view.
Speaking of which, we were mentioning the encroaching Third World War.
Therefore, if there's any young listeners, don't worry, it's almost certainly not going to happen.
I'm glad to say because of the high efficiency of the diplomatic corps,
They're talking about invading Poland, though.
I know, that's no good, is it?
Everyone knows Poland is the powder keg.
The powder keg.
What I want to know is, it's all, I mean, it's all blown up pretty, you know, that's an unfortunate choice of words.
War of words.
War of rhetoric.
In the last week, so has the big British castle issued any special directives to the DJs?
Have, like, for example, are they allowed to play Russians by sting?
Which actually, if they were able to do, would sort the whole thing out fairly quickly.
It might ameliorate the situation.
Yeah.
Has anyone thought of that?
Russians love their children too.
I think the Americans have forgotten that.
Right.
The Americans think that Russians hate their children.
You know, and people have been kind of taking them, making out of sting for the last decade or something.
About the time he came back.
His powers are needed.
He's in a tantric yoga position, in the fortress of solitude, somewhere in the Arctic.
And a voice is echoing across the tundra.
And he's waking up from his trance.
He's been doing various tantric self-immolatory things.
Not true, do you?
Sounds a bit like David Bowie.
He's getting Omar Hakim on the phone.
Yeah.
On the drums.
Right.
Yeah, and he's going to produce a single that's going to sort this out.
He's getting his lute out.
In fact, all those 80s people should come back together.
You know, Geldof should stop worrying about Trixie Bell and use his powers as well.
Where have all the 80s superheroes gone?
What's Bonio doing about it?
Exactly.
You know, what, is he doing an album or something now when the world actually needs him?
Come on, pop heroes.
But get in there.
He could go out there, talk to President Medvedev and say, I'm going to put on a free concert for all the people fighting, because that's how he talks.
I thought George Bush referred to Vladimir Putin as Pudi.
Do you remember those days and the only days 2001 when he could just pick up the phone and go hey pooty This is getting a little stoopy poochter It's doopie poopy What's happened to that kind of diplomacy?
Well, we've got now is Condoleezza Rice and she's sort of severe and you know, we haven't even mentioned Bigfoot Bigfoot what I'm to Bigfoot.
Let's talk about Bigfoot after in the next link
Now, here's a free choice for you listeners.
This is Wilco.
Do you like a little slice of Wilco?
I would think you would.
Yes.
They fall into the alt-country bracket sometimes.
But this was from an album where they slightly reinvented themselves, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
And this is a lovely track called Heavy Metal Drummer.
What are you doing?
I'm typing, I'm looking for some facts Adam, that's what this programme is.
Fact checking.
Some proper facts.
There's been too much woolly thinking on this show.
Oh no.
And now that the new Cold War started, everyone's got to tighten up their act and I'm starting by logging onto the internet so that I can have some facts to back up what I say on this programme.
Well that's just... It informed Wooble has been going across all of the airways.
How would you want to ruin the whole formula?
Well, don't worry, because what I'm searching for is Bigfoot press conference.
You're much more worried about Bigfoot than the Cold War.
What happened then?
What happened yesterday?
I'm a big, big, big, big Bigfoot fan.
You know, I'm his number one fan.
I like to follow the Bigfoot stories.
And yesterday I woke up and my next door neighbour announced that Bigfoot had been shot.
By the way, did you hear Bigfoot's been shot?
I was like, what?
Yeah, it's all over the papers.
So I went inside and I searched, you know, Bigfoot shot, images Google, and there's a body of Bigfoot in an icebox somewhere in Ontario or somewhere.
Couple of hunters, professional Bigfoot hunters.
They run a website whose name I won't repeat for reasons that will become clear later.
They run a website and they've been tracking Bigfoot for a very, very long time.
So this is David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.
No, no, they're going after the pedophile priests.
Right, okay.
Of which Billy Connolly is the prime.
They got one of those.
In a fictional universe.
Frozen in a block of ice?
Probably, but no one's interested.
They've got it in the Empire Leicester Square, but no one's going to see it.
So how big is the corpse they got?
Seven foot.
Seven foot.
It's in an ice box.
It's in a bit of a mess.
Its entrails are half out.
Couldn't that just be you?
It could be me, but I, you know, I'm not that hairy.
It's very hairy.
Oh, it's hairy.
And it's got a face like a monkey.
Could be a football player.
And anyway I was very shocked by this picture and not only that but in this article they announced that there was a press conference being held an hour and a half later in somewhere in America where they were going to unveil the body.
Oh wow.
And Fox News had this, all the news agencies had it.
Yesterday afternoon, the third most popular search on Google were the words, Bigfoot press conference.
And I contributed to that several million times over.
Anyway, I do a bit more digging and I find some YouTube videos that have been posted by these men who say they've got the body.
And I watch the videos and they're insane.
They're like mad.
They'll probably hear this and come and try and get me.
But they're insane, sort of separatist, hunter, hillbilly types.
Quite young men.
But they're mad.
And they're sort of baiting other Bigfoot websites.
They've got a rivalry between Bigfoot hunters.
The key to Bigfoot hunters is that it's very difficult to find a Bigfoot.
Yeah, it's really, really hard to find evidence that they exist.
And there's certain people in the world that there are men in there, you know, what you call it like the great men of Bigfoot hunting are all now in their 70s and 80s.
And they have these insane, embittered feuds that have been going on for years.
It's Louis Theroux territory.
He's probably too clever to do something on something as stupid as Bigfoot, but they're all rivals.
And there's a young generation of new hunters who are also embittered, insane rivals.
and they carry out their rivalry on the internet.
And you know how the internet turns everybody into a toddler when it comes to arguing.
Yeah, I've done it myself.
Yeah.
And so these people are literally threatening to the terrible things upon each other's heads.
Right.
And that the war has escalated to such a degree that these people have trumped up a body.
I say trumped up.
The idea that these people have actually shot one would be terrifying and also quite likely.
Well, it's also quite likely.
Yeah, if anyone was going to shoot a Bigfoot, it would be some insane sort of hunter, you know, kind of a Guns and Ammo style, you know, they've got an ex-marine in their video who threatens the camera with a big knife and a dog.
Nice.
This is really quite frightening.
Ooh, the internet.
Do you think maybe there'll be some kind of film about it with Ant and Dec in a few years' time?
A fictionalised film, maybe.
Like the Alien Autopsy one.
The Ray Santilli one, maybe.
Yeah.
But these nutballs have managed to focus the entire, well, obviously not your attention, but most of the world media's attention.
on this announcement.
Does the corpse look realistic though or is it like that alien thing?
No, exactly.
It's probably the same.
It's easier to do a Bigfoot than an alien because it's mostly fur.
Isn't it?
You don't have to get the details so right.
Anyway, to cut a very long story short, the press conference happened and of course one of the big giveaways of a hoax is that they give you something big then they give you nothing.
You know what I mean?
If they really had it, they'd just show it.
Right.
And of course, they gave nothing at the conference.
They didn't show anything.
One more blurred photo.
They just went on about their stupid website.
Right.
So that was yesterday.
All of yesterday afternoon for me.
Wow.
I was taken up by following that.
now i feel like an empty husk it's like the big brother experience uh you know concentrated into one afternoon but what if it turned out to be true i mean gosh gosh then you wouldn't feel like such an empty husk anymore no that would be nice wouldn't it now here's a trail for you listeners hope you enjoy this
You quite finished?
No, you see.
That's an indie, a sort of minimal indie opera there, in a way.
It's like their Bohemian Rhapsody, almost.
It's a very good song.
Not that it's got all the sections and everything, but it's an absolute epic, isn't it?
And it's a smash.
Never outstays its welcome.
I know what I did with The Cure was I never bought any of their albums.
I just went when I was about 17.
I went and bought the Greatest Hits.
Standing on a beach.
Yeah.
It's a great Greatest Hits.
It is, but I never felt, you know, when you just do that with a band, you never feel you engage with them on a real fundamental level.
Yeah.
You always sort of feel like a tourist.
Do you know what I mean?
Of course.
But they were one of those kind of bands, a bit like the Super Furry Animals, actually.
What, you're saying you didn't really need their albums?
No, you could happily visit them like a foreign country and have a very nice time there.
Yes.
And then come back from holiday and, you know, not have to worry about anything too much.
I like the one with the cats.
The love cats.
I like the one in the cupboard.
That's the one.
The one in the cupboard.
I don't like the other ones.
That was Tim Pope that directed that one, wasn't it?
I think.
No.
I might be talking to him at Bug in a month or so.
Hmm.
Bad news for him.
What kind of thing is that to say?
Just trying to burst your balloon.
That's my job, burst your balloon.
I'm your official balloon buster.
I stand beside you with a pin.
Every time you get excited about anything, I just pop it.
No.
Boom.
Bad news for him.
Imagine.
My balloon burster.
Jesus of the Christ.
Now, listeners, it's time for the news here on BBC Six Music.
That was the Kings of Leon there with our crawl.
That's their new single.
I don't care about them since they shaved their beards off.
Really?
Yeah, not interested in them anymore.
Has he?
I'm interested again.
He's got a beer bag.
I'm back in there.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
It's a Saturday morning.
A little bit grey here in London town, but it could be worse.
It could be worse.
I'm not giving up hope entirely.
And we were just talking there during the song about all the Olympiads.
And what's the name of our lady who's done some winning?
Fishsticks.
Rebecca Fishsticks.
Rebecca Adlington.
Well done.
Rebecca, from all of us here at the Big British Castle.
Well done.
You've done us proud.
You can swim across the moat and come and have some biscuits.
You can come to the show whenever you like.
We'll stop refuting you, entry.
You may now come into the show.
You may now come in.
Do not speak.
But you may come into the room.
You may bring your bags in, too.
If you stink of chlorine, you will be out on your arse.
We were talking about Michael Phelps, though.
He's the American fishman.
And do you know much about Phelps?
No.
He is a part fish, and he is an extraordinary looking guy.
And he's just been winning everything, right?
Yeah, he's winning everything.
He's won, like, seven... And he's developed his upper body to such an extent that he's, like, missed... Which Mr. Man was the triangle?
With the little hat on?
I can't remember.
There was a Miss Mr. Problems or something?
Was there one of those?
He was a little... He's basically completely triangular.
His feet have tapered and almost joined like a fish's tail.
Mr. Onwy.
Right, what?
Was that the Mr. Man?
Possibly.
And his shoulders have developed to such a huge extent.
His shoulder blades, do you call it?
Yeah.
Almost developed into a fin.
Shark fins.
That's right.
And Jude was pointing out, producer Jude was pointing out that his lats are unusually well-loved fishmen though.
How are your lats?
What kind of lats are you looking at?
They're amazingly well-developed My lats are like as if I've got some loaves of white bread and put them on to my back Yeah, that's what my lats are like But I envy Phelps because he I mean he looks lovely.
He looks great.
Did you know though?
I found out about his diet Bryce and he what would you think that the guy like that you would think that a guy like that would eat just sort of
I think his his his teeth have developed into just you know hundreds of Strands mm-hmm, and he just he while he swims fishing any sort of back tip filtering any kind of bacteria He can out of public swimming pools, so you're just going with the idea that he's like a fish yeah I Mean you've ruined it now because you've pulled out the clever.
I thought you know I
I thought I'd pop your little balloon.
But no, he actually eats stuff like he has about three fried egg sandwiches for breakfast and stuff like this.
How can you chew when you haven't got any teeth?
He has them mashed up for him by his mother, who is a blue whale.
Wow, but no he does he eats like huge amounts of stuff and 10 steaks for us that really true leavens is that kind of stuff though he eats a huge amount And he'll just eat right the way through the day It's all very well being muscly, but as soon as you hit 40 it turns to fat Yeah, you want to stick with someone like me right?
You know skinny gone a bit podgy as he's got older
Perfect.
Yeah.
But any time you wanted to, you could start.
All I'd have to do is a tiny bit of exercise.
Two weeks of exercise?
Ping into shape.
You'd be winning gold all over the shop.
That's true.
Yeah.
Now, listen, folks, in the next hour, we are going to be announcing the winner of our Video Wars competition.
Approximately 10.30.
Excuse me for interrupting, but I thought I'd tell them the time.
About 10.30 we'll be announcing the winner.
Right.
Just before the news at 10.30, we will be telling you who has won the competition.
We'll also be naming a few runners up and sort of announcing what's going to happen to all these people.
Some of them will be executed.
Some of them will be allowed to live.
It's going to be amazing and life-changing for them.
And we'll also be speaking to Garth, our friend, who helped us judge the Video Wars competition, Garth Jennings.
Mr. Rush was the triangular Mr. Man.
Mr. Rush?
Yes.
Suitable, really.
Very streamlined.
Be good for swimming.
What?
Mr. Rush?
I've never heard of Mr. Rush.
What did he do?
He just ran around.
Has someone texted that in?
Or have you just looked at it on the internet?
You have, have you, Mr. Rush?
Mr. Rush?
That must have been the second or third series when he got a bit hard up for names.
I'm surprised that he wasn't exploited on a t-shirt during the sort of whole E thing.
Right.
Mr. Head Rush.
Yeah, or something like that.
It's just an idea for an idiot there.
Now, here's the divine comedy, ladies and gentlemen, with Bad Ambassador.
the divine comedy with bad ambassador this is adam and joe on bbc6 music on a saturday morning we hope you are feeling good this morning i thought you didn't say things like that i just began that's sort of rhetorical is it no not really i mean really well it's it's it's a sort of empty hope though isn't it you don't really care
I did, I pictured a listener then, in bed, all cuddled up under a nice duvet with maybe a cup of coffee, a sort of hermaphrodite listener, half man, half woman, of indeterminate age, covering basically all the bases, indeterminate racial background, sort of a bit of everything.
Very open-minded person.
Very open-minded, but at the same time very closed-minded.
That's who I pictured very creative and you were hoping that they were all right.
Yeah.
Oh, well, that's okay Listen, I take it back.
I know you can't Thanks So listen, it's free play time now and this is something that's a bit of an internet phenomenon a bit like that Yes, this is a guy called dove man.
Do you know about dove man?
No
Why not?
I just don't.
I haven't been on the internet for a while.
He has a friend, this man.
He's an American man.
His real name's Thomas Bartlett.
He's got a friend, okay, and this is where it gets a bit serious.
His friend had an older stepsister.
It's already, you know, various distances removed now from, so it's probably entering the arena of untruth.
But he had an older stepsister who sadly died.
and he was rummaging through her stuff and this is the story behind this anyway he found a cassette of the soundtrack to Footloose and he'd never seen the film Footloose he didn't really know about it he was a young chap but he became sort of obsessed with it and started listening to it over and over again and he was so moved by it and trying to imagine his elder stepsister's youth and the fact that she was into Footloose when he wasn't even alive yet that he became obsessed with the soundtrack so he got his friend
Thomas Bartlett, aka Doveman, to cover basically the whole album, which is quite a cool idea.
He covers every single track on the Footloose album, which is anyway a compendium of lots of different artists.
That's quite a good idea, don't you think?
That is a good idea.
It's like a band doing a cover of Now That's What I Call Music 4 or something.
Every single, you know, the Nick Kershaw, the ABC, just doing everything.
So this guy's done this with Footloose.
Do you remember?
Any of the tracks on Footloose?
Let's hear it for the boy!
And of course there was Footloose!
Those are the two most famous ones.
I can't really remember any others either.
Jude's got one.
Was that on Footloose?
Really?
That is an absolutely awful song.
I like Shalimar.
They don't mean dancing, do they?
So anyway, here is his cover of the track Footloose.
Now, because it's a sort of memorial, it's very melancholy.
Right.
But most covers of famous songs are, aren't they?
I mean, this is something bands do quite a lot, isn't it?
Pick a kind of cheesy 80s song and do a super serious cover of it?
Yes.
Hasn't that happened in the past?
Yeah, you go the opposite way with it, didn't you?
And well, it happens the other way around as well.
You can take a...
Take a kind of sad song and make it poppier.
Right, like Limp Biscuit did with Faith?
Uh-huh.
Right, so that's the one I can think of.
Which way round was that?
Did they do it with Faith?
Didn't they?
Didn't Fred Durst?
He's Limp Biscuit, isn't he?
Well, you gotta have Faith!
Yeah, they had a... Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Isn't that them, I think it is.
Anyway, listen.
Here's Dove Man with his very moving cover of Footloose.
We're just going to fade out of this.
You know, you get the general picture.
You get the general picture about 30 seconds.
Adam started laughing when he went into the chorus.
You were saying that really the stupidity of the basic lyrics overpowers any kind of sentiment there.
Well, the fact that it's so well known, that chorus, and it's such a goofy, joyful chorus, it sort of overwhelms any attempt to make it melancholy, really.
Because all you can hear is logins.
Yelping.
Log.
A good idea though, we were trying to think whether we could spin an idea for Song Wars out of that.
Yeah.
But we don't really want to do covers.
The problem with covers is you can't put them on a best-selling album.
No.
You know, and that's all we care about.
What now?
Uh, it's time for a trail, uh, Joe.
Now, can you guess, just have a guess what this is?
Um, oh, gaw, is it a trail from Maestro, the BBC's new programme, the celebrity's, uh, trying to conduct Goldie Does It and swears and aww.
I watched that this week, we should talk about that later on.
I've no idea what this is for, let's find out.
That was a furniture with brilliant mind.
That was a session track there they were doing.
Recorded for Janice Long on Radio 1 on the 20th of February 1985.
I was just about to say that.
Yeah.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
It's coming up to 10 o'clock on Saturday morning and we have our old friend Garth Jennings on the line right now.
Good morning.
Hey Garth, how are you doing man?
I'm very well.
It's very nice up here at the moment.
Are you whereabouts are you?
I am in your house.
In my house?
I'm in your house because you're moving house next week and I'm in it already.
Yes, well don't say where it is, otherwise I will have all kinds of freaks and crazies camping on my lawn.
Well, to be honest, I don't think they'd find it.
It's very difficult to find.
It's the kind of thing I'm moving to get away from.
All the media attention.
But listeners should be reminded that Garth was the third judge in our Video Wars competition.
This is a competition we've been running for the last, what, couple of months or something?
Yeah.
Even though it closed a while ago to make a video for one of two Song Wars songs, Early Efforts, Jane's Brain, and Meatballs.
We invited people to make videos for them and upload them to the BBC site, and we had an extraordinary response.
Over a hundred entries.
143 we got.
143.
Beautifully.
Every single one of them beautifully honed.
There was two that weren't beautifully honed.
And we were humbled by the volume and standard of entries.
Is that not true, Garth James?
Well, I was jealous because we'd had a film competition for Son of Rambo.
Although we did find one terrific winner, which we put on our DVD, there were nowhere near the standard of the rest of your lot.
Garth directed Son of Rambo, we should also tell listeners.
I'm keeping listeners, you know, happy with the bottom line factual information here.
It's working in a treat.
Yeah, just in case.
But I really didn't think you all were amazing.
I was in hysterics judging it.
You know what it made me think, the standard of entries.
It made me think that there aren't any shows on the BBC generally that invite people to be creative anymore.
Are there?
That's what you mean, like a sort of... Like, well, there used to be.
Was Vision on on the BBC?
Blue Peter on the BBC?
These are all kid shows.
Screen tests.
On the top of my head, I can think of three children's shows, certainly, that used to invite people to send stuff in.
They used to have, like, Young Inventor of the Year and stuff, didn't they?
Oh, yeah!
For God's sake.
I guess they still have stuff like that.
But if we were like a big powerful show, I would have kind of a regular thing where people could send stuff in.
And then I thought we could give out badges like Blue Peter used to.
Gold, silver and bronze.
Adam and Joe badges.
And you'd only get the gold one if you saved a life.
Do you remember a like on Blue Peter?
They did that?
Well, absolutely.
Someone has to be near death for you to get the gold.
Yeah.
But everybody who entered this Video Wars competition in this imaginary world would win some kind of a badge and that would get them entry into exhibitions at sort of trendy galleries around the country.
I don't think you could belittle yourself though, I think you could actually do that right now.
Do you think?
Yeah, you've got the power.
Now the problem is we can't be poor.
It's not so much a question of not being able, you know, not being bothered.
It's just there's so many rules at the castle.
I know we wouldn't be allowed.
You wouldn't be allowed to send people something with a pin.
You know, that would be murderous.
But Garth, tell us about your general feelings about the, you know, the entries.
We can't be too specific because we don't want to give away who's won yet.
It's a shame because I've got loads of notes about each one.
I mean loads of them because I wrote down things about all my favourites.
But they were very funny, that was the main thing, you had some really funny ones.
I also think there's been, you've clearly opened the floodgates with the whole Adam and Jo approach to filmmaking.
There were lots of, I could see lots of people picking up from where you've left off with the TV show.
But I just think, what's nice in heartening is that people seem to be having a good time and making their own little, beautiful little films.
Yeah, exactly.
They were much less sort of weird than I thought.
Like, I just thought there would be a lot of weird, sinister things being made, you know what I mean?
Well, yeah, because when we were at art school, people just thought it was enough to film something.
Yeah.
I filmed it.
That must mean it's half good.
And I was expecting a lot more of that.
It's true, isn't it?
The general technical level's really, really high, and the level of imagination and stuff, and you know, TV bosses, particularly bosses of particular channels, should be quaking in their boots, because there's a massive public out there that can do it almost better than Lily Allen can.
Do you know what I mean?
It's almost as if there's more talent off the screen than there is on.
It sounds unbelievable.
It sounds incredible, doesn't it?
So listen, Garth, around about 10.30, we are going to be announcing the winner.
And maybe we'll give you a call then as well.
And you can join us.
Because you don't know who's one.
I know you do know who's one because he was one of the judges.
He was one of the judges, wasn't he?
Now it's all coming back to me.
Messi's been drinking very heavily since... Are you OK there, Adam?
I haven't slept in 10.
Moving house is one of the most stressful experiences of anyone's life.
Yeah, that's right.
All right, men.
We'll speak to you in a bit, Garth.
Okay.
Speak to you later, Garth.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Now, are we gonna play the top of our sweeper here?
Dude, are we just gonna miss the top of our sweeper?
It's hardly the top of ours.
It's four minutes past.
You know, because that would be misleading.
If people heard the sweeper, they'd go, oh, sweeper, darling, did I just have this top of our sweeper?
And she'd say, it's five past!
What kind of top of our sweeper is that?
What kind of radio show are you listening to?
It's moronic and amortish.
Amortish?
It's moronic and amortish.
Listen to Jonathan Ross instead.
Alright darling, sorry.
Is how the conversation would go.
I can't even say amateurish.
What kind of a program is this?
Let's go st- Oh no, I had a joke about this song.
We're gonna play The Passenger by Iggy Pop, and I can't remember.
Oh yeah, it wasn't much of a joke.
The joke was just to sing, I am Kombassinger.
Thank God you're not gonna do it.
And I ride, and I ride.
Anyway, here's the song.
I see a packet of giant fries.
I see a little dog whose name is Mike.
I see a man with a little hat on.
That's some extra lines he could have used.
Thanks.
I see a girl with a black coat.
That's not very good, is it?
That was Iggy Pop with The Passenger.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music and it's time for this jingle.
It's a little bit of a topical textination today.
Actually, it's not topical, really.
It is in the broader sense, I suppose, of the word.
But around this time of year, people are coming back from their holidays, their little summer jaunts, you know, and it's always a difficult time.
Some people enjoy coming back home, you know, maybe two weeks.
You've just reached that stage where you're getting a little bit bored of the holiday and you're ready to get back to the routine.
Usually if you go for one week, that doesn't happen.
One week isn't long enough.
But for some reason, two weeks is a tiny bit too long.
Do you ever get that?
Yeah, two weeks is just right if you ask me.
Right.
So you come back... Three weeks is spot on.
Yeah.
Only thing better than three weeks?
A month.
Four weeks.
Four months.
Four months.
A year off.
After a year, you start getting a little bit itchy.
I get itchy for more holiday.
After a year.
You can't get enough holiday.
Sometimes it's a little bit more exhausting though if you're out there with the family and you've got children and all that kind of stuff.
Sometimes you slightly yearn for the routine to be re-established because the holiday can end up being more exhausting than just your regular routine.
No, I can imagine.
So anyway, for text donation today, we were going to ask you just about some of the things.
It's an opportunity for you to offload.
Some of the things that are depressing about coming back from holiday, and some of the things that you really enjoy about coming back.
Now, this is one of these kind of subjects that probably most DJs would do on holiday.
It's very radio one, but that's no bad thing.
No, because the whole thing is, it's not about the subject, it's about the responses, right?
That's what makes Text the Nation the number one feature.
That's true in the country.
In the country.
As voted by Grazia.
Grazia.
Bella.
Magazine, is that a magazine called Bella?
Tittles, Totalls, Spritzer, and Nips magazine have all voted for that.
Actually, none of that's true.
Wow, you just reeled off the top five women's magazines.
Tittle, subtles, spritzer and nips.
Yeah.
And what was the number five?
I don't know.
Grazie.
Grazie.
Anyway, so yes, it's a chance for you to enthuse about the joys of returning from holiday.
What are the good things about getting back from holiday?
And also some of the bad things.
You know, I tend to focus on
the miserable aspects of things.
It's something I enjoy.
And the obvious ones, when you get back from holiday, right?
Like, have you been away very recently?
You've been to LA recently, haven't you?
Yes, but for work.
Yeah, for work.
So what's it like?
Is it a different feeling getting back from work abroad?
I've never done that before.
How does it compare to being on holiday?
Oh, it's a different feeling because coming back is like you've finished work.
Yeah, in a way.
So it's nice to get home and get back into your old routines.
Yes.
Come up on the sofa with the teleon.
Often I come back with a bag full of DVDs of exciting movies.
Maybe watch one of those.
You know?
So it's nice, it's enjoyable.
And the jet lag.
I tell you, I like jet lag.
It's glamorous.
Yeah.
I like waking up in the small hours and doing things, you know, being wide awake at four in the morning.
Yeah.
It's exciting having an excuse to go to sleep at tea time.
It's all good.
Doesn't it make you feel mad?
Jet lag always used to make me feel safe.
No, I like it.
Well, I don't really enjoy it.
What about things like, more mundane things like the fact that... I don't know if this is true of all airports now, but when we got back recently from a little spell in France, you had to pay a pound for the trolleys now?
No.
What airport was that?
Luton Airport.
Who are you?
What the hell about basket is going on with the world now?
Did you get it back?
Was it a deposit?
No.
Really?
You leave it in there.
I tell you the most shocking thing about little airports, you know, and we're talking not Heathrow or Gatwick, we're talking Stansted or Luton or those ones.
When you get the cheap flights from the cheap airlines, it's the room they make you stand in before you board.
An entirely featureless room
with no phone method of communication at all, you're locked in there, and you're just put in a kind of thing like you're waiting for a rollercoaster.
Right.
You know, wound round in a kind of zigzag, and a big... You know, it's really frightening, and it feels like you're gonna be killed.
Yeah, you're going to be shipped off somewhere.
Yeah.
Because you're human detritus.
Exactly.
That's how they treat you, though.
And who's the guy that jackass who runs Ryanair?
Stelios.
No, not Stelios.
There's another guy who's the most cynical man in the entire world.
Oh, yeah.
No, the the Irish fellow who keeps complaining about everything.
And he's not fast.
He's totally brave.
He does all those very provocative adverts.
Yeah, this is our opinion, not the opinion of the big British castle.
Exactly.
But, you know, he couldn't give a stuff.
I'm going to call him Michael Ryan.
I think he's a terrible killer.
But, you know, that'll do.
Yeah, exactly.
No, it won't do.
Excuse me.
It won't do.
That's terrible.
I'm choking on that bad fact.
That's a disgusting fact.
And I've got to cough it up there.
There we go.
It's fine.
It's gone now.
But anyway, let's not dwell on him.
But it's awful.
The whole business of ripping people off and the way they find new ways to rip people off and the trolley thing particularly.
I mean, that's outrageous.
Garth, in fact, I was talking to you the other day, he came up with a good idea.
This is a money making scheme for someone, is invent like a little fold away set of wheels that you just attached to your bag.
If your bag doesn't already have wheels, right?
I'm sure it exists.
Now, it must exist, you would think, right?
But something that you can strap around three or four large bags and then just wheel it along.
I'm sure they exist.
You would think so, but that's the hallmark of a genius idea.
I think I've seen one, is the thing.
Really?
I think, you know, you sometimes see people on holidays who are like professional holidaygoers and they've got all the amazing equipment.
All the gear.
James Bond.
James Bond on holiday.
That's probably what he has.
Everything folds away.
when he gets back stores in his shoes.
There's no way that James Bond is going to pay a pound.
No, but he's not going to go by a low-cost airline.
Q would have fitted him out with some kind of strap with wheels on it.
Exactly.
So listen folks, text us or email us even your ideas for your thoughts about what
strikes you as annoying or fun about getting back from holiday.
Okay, we'll have some more examples.
The number is 64046, or you can email Adam and joe.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Yeah, we'll give you some more examples shortly, but right now here's David Hulme's with I Heard Wonders.
That's David Holmes, the Irish DJ man with a track called I Heard Wonders.
And I'm assuming that is David Holmes stepping up to the plate with a bit of vocal shenanigans there.
I didn't use the word shenanigans as a kind of reductive racialistic comment because he's from Ireland.
I just used it.
It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Is it?
Everything's okay.
Are you sure?
Just stay calm.
Why did I even start saying all those words just then?
Because you've got to say something.
You're on the radio.
Really?
You've got to fill the dead air.
All I wanted to say was that I thought that was brilliant.
That was a really good song.
It's the first single to be released from his forthcoming album, The Holy Pictures, that's being released on the 8th of September.
And that single's out on September the 1st.
Shenanigans.
Do you know how to spell shenanigans?
Yes.
How do you spell it?
S-H-E-N-Shen-A-N-I-G-A-N-S.
shenanigans is that correct i think it is i could be on one of those spelling bee things uh what about uh what's the irish instrument that's very difficult to spell boron that's an element yeah hydrogen helium lithium beryllium boron carbon nitrogen fluorineon oh i see
And that's how you pronounce it, is it?
Anyway, listen, let's stay on topic.
Well, we haven't got the topic yet.
We're going to do more text the nation things.
OK, yes.
We've introduced to you what people might think is kind of a broad, you know, radio one-ish subject, exciting or depressing things about coming back from holiday, but we're trying to focus it into an intriguing area, right?
Oh, E. Maybe we're not.
OK, now I was misguided.
I'm wrong.
We're not doing that.
Here's some things.
Let's see if you agree with these.
One of the most obvious things is the post pile when you come through the door.
The post pile.
Do you love the post pile?
Don't get much of a post pile because people... Well, it's just bills, bills, bills these days, isn't it?
Exactly.
Because people don't really write letters anymore.
Very few people know how to actually write using a pen.
I have no idea.
And people under 20 don't really know.
because they type and text us so that you don't really get letters anymore.
You don't get letters.
That's a shame, isn't it?
It's true.
It's just Bill's and Max.
What about Stray, Amazon posts, stuff like that you might get?
Well, you mean Stray stuff you've ordered that's taken a long time to come or stuff that's been mis-delivered?
Oh, that never happens.
Yeah, sure it never happens.
I suppose so.
Yeah, well, because what's the best thing you can get in your holiday post nowadays?
Skymag.
That's not the best thing.
Come on.
That's the worst thing.
It's amazing.
All the articles.
That's the worst magazine.
What are you talking about?
It's amazing.
I'm writing for them.
Are you?
No, I'm not.
No, I'm editing.
uh i'm not um there well yeah there's the bills no it's post pile is good let's move on what else post pile is depressing basically yeah it used to be fun in the olden days now it's uh now it's a nightmare uh phone messages right that's true i tell you i like the emails coming in
I like having 124 emails or something.
Oh, emails is different.
That's just if I've been away for a weekend.
124.
That's just a weekend.
Right.
That number was much too low for a two-week holiday.
117 of those will be spam, and then a couple of those will be nice.
But yeah, no, I'm thinking more of actual phone messages.
Do you still get those?
And have you got recently?
I mean, this is in the last four months or something.
You're getting random spam phone messages.
One is getting them.
Have you got those recently?
I have had them in the past.
I wouldn't connect them particularly to coming back from holiday.
Well, it's out of control now because sometimes they just ring over and over and over and over again.
And there's nothing you can do to stop.
And when you get back from holiday, there's loads of them.
Yeah, they've just... I'm just trying to tie it into the holiday thing.
Yes!
When you get back from holiday, there's loads of them.
Yeah.
Come on, doc.
I haven't experienced that.
Have you not?
No.
Go away for two weeks and it'll happen to you, I'm telling you.
It's a nightmare.
Also, what else?
Oh yeah, stinky fridge.
Stinky fridge!
Do you clean out the fridge before you go away?
Are you diligent about that or...?
Yeah, our fridge is quite sweet-smelling, it's not that stinky.
Not got any meat in there.
Some ham, possibly.
So you're making sure you eat all the ham before you go away.
Probably, yeah.
More likely to have decomposed fruit in our house.
Yes, yes.
In a big bowl.
In a big bowl.
The satsumas are the sneaky ones, because they look good from the top.
lift them up, they peel off the bottom, and they're all mouldy and strange.
And you get one that goes weird.
Sometimes you get a bag of them, and this one bad satsuma in there... Same thing in the police force.
...sets the whole lot off.
One bad satsuma.
One bad satsuma in the whole... The whole police force is corrupt.
Take the whole force down.
Listen, let's have some music, because we've got to announce the winner of Song Wars.
Video Wars.
Video Wars.
Video Wars.
Yes, after 10.30.
After the new year.
So here's a record, and after that, there'll be something at the bottom of the hour, and then we'll have the big announcement.
Now here's a free play for you listeners.
This one popped up on my mp3 device the other day.
You're getting all the free plays just because I played that footloose rubbish.
What are you talking about?
I've been banned from free plays.
You're getting another one.
I'm like a calm child.
Calm down, Dr. Sexy.
Now, this is a live version, and normally I've got an aversion to live versions.
A live version aversion.
A live version aversion.
But maybe it's one of the nice things about getting older is that you start to appreciate things like this.
This is an amazing version of Sweet Jane by the Velvet Underground from their 1969 live album.
The year I was born, Joe.
Amazing to think that this was going on as I was busting out.
But it's a weird... Yeah, okay.
It's a weird album because it sounds as if they're in a little cafe with about 16 people in the audience, you know?
It's very intimate and it's got some great stuff on there and it really evokes how exciting it must have been to actually see this band play and how great they must have sounded.
So I hope you enjoy this version of Sweet Jane.
Sixteen people, see, in the audience there.
That was the Rebel Underground with a live version of Sweet Jane.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
It's time now for the news read by Harvey Cook and Louise Hollander.
It's Brian Storm.
Not Brainstorm, you see.
Brian Storm.
Joe.
Yeah, I know that.
Yeah, but I'm saying it.
You know I know all about the Arctic Monkeys, and I knew that was called Brian Storm.
Give me an Arctic Monkeys fact.
One of their best fans is David Cameron.
That's my fact.
It's Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's now time for an extraordinary part of the show.
We're now going to announce the runners up and the winner of Video Wars, our big competition.
Adam, you've done some sort of a special jingle.
At what point should it be played?
I think probably around about now.
Okay.
Very nice.
Yeah, hello Garth.
Oh, sorry, am I on?
Well, be careful, you are now live.
No swearing.
No swearing, because Garth's got the most potty mouth.
He has.
This is Garth Jennings, you're hearing listeners.
He's the director of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Son of Rambo and many fantastic pop videos.
He's a proper director, a professional director.
And he was one of the judges.
And we all sat down together and chose... Go on.
Sorry to interrupt.
Garth, I was going to say that I showed your coffee and TV video for Blur to my young sons this week, and they absolutely loved it.
Oh, that's good.
That was a smash.
All your stuff is pretty good for the under fives, though.
I think that's an insult, Garth.
I'm not sure the bands are so keen on that.
It's not an insult at all.
It's a masterpiece.
I'm going to show them their Supergrass pumping on their stereo one tomorrow, I reckon.
So listen, we should crack on with these results.
We've said a million times thank you to everybody who's entered and it really is horrible having to pick winners and runners up and stuff because everyone did so very well.
Don't you think Garth?
Yeah, well I honestly thought when you asked me to come in and judge this video thing I thought it would be really awful.
Okay.
Those people I thought would just do rubbish and it was amazing.
They all did good.
But we've had to choose some winners and a winner and some runners up.
We should say as well that we spent a good two hours having all of us watch the videos individually beforehand.
We watched every single thing that came in and then we all agreed on a shortlist and then we came in and spent two more hours sitting there and discussing all the entries.
The ticket tents got a little bit tense.
I got into a fight little fight with Garth as a bit of a scuffle and in the fight Garth reached out and he smacked Joe in the shins and then Joe fell back.
Then Garth ripped my shirt off and then two of the women there got really overexcited.
It just got a bit blurry.
It was blurry what was going on.
It was snogging it was like that.
Anyway listen listen listen listen.
Let's stay on topic here.
Before we announce the runners up, we should tell you what they've won.
The main winner wins the chance.
Wait for it to come into the studio and do what?
Just watch the show.
Hang out with us.
You can choose whether you want to come and actually sit in the studio with us or watch us through a glass partition.
But, you know, since we announced that
um dreadful prize there's there's some other more tangible good things going to happen to the winning video it's going to be showcased on the six music website from 11am this morning it's going to be on six musics mobile site so you can watch it on your telephones um the winner's going to come in and spend the morning here at six music and be on the show and it's highly possible
that the winning video will be on the BBC's red button service, on the actual telly from next weekend, and even possibly on the BBC big screens around the country.
We're waiting for confirmation, but there might be some amazing extra thing going on on the BBC's big screens, so stay tuned for that.
Everyone will win a signed copy of the Song Wars album.
Garth, are you throwing in copies of Son of Rambo as well?
I'm throwing in copies of Son of Rambo.
So let's get on with it.
These are the runners up in no particular order.
We're going to build up to the winner, but these are the four runners up.
Adam, who's the first of the four runners up?
Well, this was the Emmett family who created a kind of amazing drama in their kitchen.
We had a lot of people making videos for the Meatballs song in their kitchens, but this one really stuck out because it was clearly a family effort.
And they had what I assume was their young daughter, unless they'd just borrowed a young girl from another family.
And she was doing an amazing job.
It started off with her just singing a little bit of James' Brain before... He had a framing narrative.
Yeah, it was great before the video for Meatballs started up.
It featured a lot of things, a couple of things that other people had done, like inserting, sort of animating a little face into some meatballs.
But it was done particularly well in this case.
Didn't you think Garth?
Yeah, because actually it was weird.
The meatballs looked a little bit like Joe.
Yes, they did.
Well, the meatballs was their son.
Was their son, the Emmett's son, his face wiped into a meatball.
So that might be quite insulting to the young chap.
No, I think that's a compliment.
But we all... What was the daughter's name?
Laura.
Laura Max.
Yeah, but that was a fantastic effort and people can see the runners up on the website, presumably as well, can't they?
Yeah.
So go and check that one out.
And it was such a sort of heartwarming endeavor, wasn't it?
That the whole family had done it in their kitchen and it was, you know, we felt really showed the quality of British families working together.
Yeah, especially the ending with the giant meatball head.
Oh, and yeah, mixed media effects as well.
Practical props.
They made all the props in the fridge.
They had graphic effects with the wipes, all sorts of stuff going on there.
It looks like a very healthy and happy household, which is what we like to see.
So congratulations to the Emmett family.
They're one of our runners up.
The second runner up is a lovely lady called Ali.
Boy.
Boy.
Really?
Yeah.
Ali's the
Really?
Oh and so his wife was starring and they were they both in the video okay I'll start that again a lovely man who made and they've made an amazing video which is all it's animation but it's done in camera so I don't know what to compare it to really but it's a bit like those Japanese game show things you see on YouTube where they reproduce Super Mario Brothers with massive cutouts and stuff you know what I mean yeah and scrolling
panoramas.
So it's a car race, it's another one for Jane's brain.
She's having a car race, she's got a giant helmet, it goes inside her crash helmet and you see her brain, but it's all done with kind of two-dimensional cardboard cutouts in camera, but yet it's all moving.
Is that a decent enough description, Garth?
Yeah, it was brilliant.
That's what I think we were all blown away by, the effort they went to.
I think it was the most amazing effort.
Again, that was a family effort.
Didn't they have their mums and dads?
I think so.
Nands and everything.
Backgrounding and everything.
Yes, it's extraordinary.
You really should check that out because at the very least it'll be nicked by some mobile phone company for their next campaign or something.
Well, it certainly had a touch of the Michel Gondry about it and the creativity.
And amazing attention to detail.
Even the closing credits, which go on for considerably longer than the main feature.
But that's not their fault, because the song is short.
But every credit is introduced in a new, brilliant little way.
Yeah, it was a wonderful piece of work.
Another runner-up was Bill Edwards, who created the best bit of animation that we saw, like from scratch.
You know what I mean?
Was it actually Flash that he was using there, Garth, do you think?
I have no idea.
That was the black and white one, with you very angry.
Yes.
I thought that captured you in a nutshell there.
A brilliant cartoon of Adam, who basically looks like a black bag if he pulls the corners and puts shoes and hands on them.
And then you're at the end with some Courvoisier or something, aren't you?
Who me?
Joe, aren't you at the end of that one with a little... Yeah, I'm sort of portrayed as kind of king of the world, which I enjoyed a lot.
And there are some spoof headlines in there, including one that says Cornish is the best human ever, which I thought was a particularly clever and perceptive touch.
Yeah, I had a couple of problems with this one because basically it boiled us down.
The whole thesis of the thing was Buxton is a kind of midget, a furious little hairy midget man, and Cornish is this kind of cool, long guy sipping his Courvoisier and lauding it all over the rest of things.
Whose child is that?
Is that at one of them's?
Sorry, that's the kid that just invaded the room that I've said.
Do not come into this room.
That's the stupidest thing I shouldn't have done that really, should I?
Because now I've made it the most exciting room to go into.
yes so so that's but that's uh bill edwards his angry adam cartoon that's fantastic bill and and really good animation there uh quite reminiscent of um of ronald soul as he called is that his name uh really sort of brilliant style to the animation and everyone should go and check that one out and if he doesn't get a job in some big
cartoon company, then there's no justice at all.
Final runner-up that we were really knocked out, but I particularly loved this one, was Stuart Lansley, who made a pastiche of the video for No Surprises by Radiohead.
Obviously the original one of those had Tom York's head in a big bowl of water that gradually filled up, so that's exactly what Stuart Lansley did for the meatballs track, but the
the clincher was that he put meatballs in the bowl, like his head was in a big kind of goldfish bowl thing which gradually filled up with what appeared to be boiling water, obviously I hope it wasn't, and someone would drop in meatballs and kind of stir them around while he was singing the lyrics.
And this is all for real in one take, so this is a kind of Houdini-esque
feet of human endurance it's also spot-on perfect parody of that Radiohead video down to every tiny detail and it also provides a brilliant interpretation of the song by adding the meatballs and the stirring and the most impressive thing is when the water drains and he's being attacked by these meatballs when they're suspended in the water they're trying to get up his nose yeah they're like rubbing on his eyeballs the water drains away and he manages to lip-sync the last line it's great he I mean
I mean, he went through, in fact, he probably went through even more than Tom York did when he did the video.
If you've ever seen that wonderful Radiohead film, Meeting People Is Easy, you see the behind-the-scenes trauma that Tom York went through when he was shooting that video.
But I'm sure that Stuart went through the same kind of pain, because it's not easy to just get a bowl there and fill it full of water.
Yeah, and to make it worse, a spoon comes in halfway and starts stirring it around his face.
Man, it's great.
I was really knocked out by that one.
So those are the Four Runners Up listeners, and we do urge you to check those out on the Adam and Jo's Six Music website, because they are all worth your time.
They'll be up there from 11am.
Before we announce the big winner, we're going to play a record.
Will you stay on the line, Garth?
Yeah, sure.
This record is a pro of nothing.
It doesn't sort of fit at all into the logic of this.
But it's good.
But it's good.
Oasis with the Chemical Brothers remix of Falling Down.
We'll be back in a second.
So if you've just tuned in, we're in the middle of announcing the results of our Video Wars competition where we asked listeners to make a video for two of our Song Wars song and we had lots of fantastic entries.
We've already just told you about the Four Runners-Up, the Emmett family, Ally McKernan, Bill Edwards and Stuart Langsley, all of whom did amazing work, but there is a winner and his, Garth, are you there?
Yes, I'm here.
Who's gonna get to announce the winner?
It's too exciting.
Oh, you've got to do it.
No, I think Garth... But Garth doesn't know who it... Yeah, you do.
Do you remember his name, though?
Yeah.
I think I do, but it's a bit scary because I might get it wrong, and that would just be the worst thing ever.
I think someone there should do it, just in case I've got it slightly wrong, which is something I'm quite good at doing.
OK, OK.
Well, the winner's name is Chris Salt, and he did an amazing Lego video, and I believe he's on the line right now.
Is he?
Yeah.
Hello, Chris.
Hi, Harris.
It's Joe here, actually, but that's all right.
We're interchangeable.
How are you doing?
Now, say hello to Adam and Garth as well.
And Garth and Adam, say hello to Chris.
Hello, Chris.
Hello, Chris.
Will you be nice to each other?
Don't steal his curly-whirly.
Do you like Transformers?
Chris, where are you from?
I'm from Stoke-on-Trent.
Stoke-on-Trent.
Stokey.
Do you call it Stokey?
I generally just call it Stoke.
Trenticles?
The Trent farm?
Doesn't matter.
How old are you, Chris?
I'm 39.
39?
That's a very, very good age.
Good age.
And your video is extraordinary.
Now, you've kind of got a website and you specialise in doing these Lego animations, is that correct?
Yeah, I'm done with you, yeah.
And, you know, when we saw your video, we were so, uh, bowled over by it, we almost thought, ah, this is too good, can't win.
We had a big argument about it, Chris.
It's like, it's too professional, it's too polished, it's just too good.
And then we realized the lunacy of what we were saying, how can something be too good?
Goodness should be rewarded, not sort of swept under the carpet.
You know, just, it's a very British thing, isn't it?
We were sort of basically what the deal was, Chris, that we were sort of thinking, you know, in terms of the big British castle profile, what would be lovely is if we found kind of a poor immigrant child who had made a video for the competition and they won.
But all the videos from the poor immigrant children were really bad.
So we just had to go for the best one, which was yours.
What do you do for a living, Chris?
Can I ask you?
On my computer program.
And the whole Lego film thing is just a hobby, a sideline?
Yes, I mean, it's kind of... all right, financial software, so... Well, not anymore.
Focus from today, your life is changing.
The second you put the phone down, it'll start ringing again with major Hollywood studios trying to get you.
That's not going to happen.
Have you done sort of professional Lego work for other people, Chris?
What's professional Lego work?
Oh, you don't mean hired by millionaires to build things for their children?
Let's ask him.
Have you got any jobs making films for other people?
I haven't, no.
I've had a couple of indie bands ask me to do music videos for free.
For free?
That's the snag, isn't it?
Indie bands, they've never got any money.
But the world listeners out there, this guy's amazingly talented, Chris Salton.
You can see his winning video on our website.
And, you know, it's quite exciting that it might possibly go up on the red button and the BBC big screens and stuff.
Isn't that quite exciting, Chris?
It's the big toe.
I'm looking forward to touring the country and looking for those screens.
What about touring down to London and coming into the studio?
Is that an exciting prospect at all?
Or is that filly with fear and resentment?
It depends if the inappropriate touching is still on the cover.
Do you want it or not want it?
He wants it from one of us.
No, this is going down a very bad... But listen, Chris, can you just describe your video?
Explain what happens in your video to the listeners, please.
And it basically follows the lyrics of the song, Jane's Brain.
Starts off with a lady in her living room.
A Lego lady.
Lego lady, yes.
And it cuts for her teaching a class of children and she's
surrounded by elephant monkeys and it just goes downhill from there really.
It goes uphill at great speed because there's amazing transitions and there's beautiful attention to detail and there's an amazing effect shot where a car crashes through a kind of billboard that was particularly impressive, didn't you think Garth?
That was amazing but I have to tell you Chris, my favourite bit is the exhaust fumes that you made out of Lego.
I thought that was brilliant.
That was absolutely a last minute thing.
just occurred to me as I was filming it.
I was genius, man.
Chris basically got the little grey single circular studs that you get with Lego and he managed to animate them all at different little angles there so it looked exactly like exhaust fumes from this car.
It was amazing.
It's really good.
How long did it take you to make the whole thing, Chris?
The whole thing.
It was about three full days of animation and building steps and things.
A couple of evenings.
Good job, mate.
Well, it's brilliant and congratulations and thank you for entering and, you know, it was an amazing bit of work.
When are you going to come and see us, then, Chris?
When can you come down?
You don't need to actually put a date in the diary right now.
I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I want to know when Chris is going to come to the studio.
When is Chris going to be here?
Are you going to be here?
I don't think the show is going to... I think Adam needs a date.
A week after?
When?
When?
When are you coming?
When?
OK, we'll sort it out with you after.
You might even have to put your mouth with that.
What are you talking about?
Well, listen, thank you very, very much, Chris, for coming online.
Thanks very much, Garth, for coming online.
Oh, it was my pleasure.
Well done, Chris.
And thanks to everybody who entered, you know, we really were overwhelmed and, you know, don't hate us for not choosing you, because we wanted to choose everybody and it was really impossible.
It's nearly the top of our... Well, have we got to talk a bit more up to the top of our...?
No.
We're going to have a top of our sweeper, then some coldplay, just to, you know, bring everything into perspective, into perspective.
Here's a sweeper.
That was a band called Coldplay.
They're going to change things, so keep an eye out for them.
You might not have paid attention to their lyrics, but there's some pretty radical stuff going on in there.
They're proposing a number of revolutions there, and so that's going to shake things up a little bit.
And I would think the Russians would be listening to that around now.
Let's hope.
Let's pray they are.
Yeah.
Let's pray that the Russians love their children, too.
I think that's very unlikely.
I hate children.
I absolutely love them.
So we're good talking to people on the phone, aren't we?
Are we?
On our show.
We're really amazing.
We should have like a regular guest.
This is why we don't have guests, I don't think.
We used to be good on the other radio station.
Really?
Talking to people.
Yeah, that was just a four-way.
They're always complicated.
A four-way, yeah.
Remember that four-way... This is Adam and John BBC Six Music.
It's time for...
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
And Text the Nation this week is depressing or exciting things about coming back from your summer holiday.
The things that make it enjoyable or depressing when you get back into the country.
Yeah, exactly.
And one of the... The things that change are sometimes fun and also depressing.
Like, basically TV, the fact that TV sort of remains the same is a bit depressing.
But then there'll be other new things and you think, how did this happen?
How did this get on the edge?
You know what I mean?
Like insane kind of...
I was thinking about Touch the Truck the other day.
Do you remember that show?
Yes.
I remember getting back from holiday and Touch the Truck was on and I thought, well, the world's much closer to Armageddon.
Do you remember what the premise of Touch the Truck was?
They had a big truck and people about 16... It was on Channel 5 and it was setting a shopping mall.
Yeah.
You just had to keep your hand on the truck.
Yeah, 16 people or so, and then some after a few days some people stopped touching the truck, and the person who was still touching the truck for the longest time won their truck.
Yes, that's the kind of thing that you see when you get back from holiday and you think oh my goodness.
What's happened?
I agree to me all the posters along the Motorway on the way back from the airport all the new advertising campaigns used to get me excited Yeah, you films stuff like that, but here's some stuff that's coming from listeners
Andy in Bath says, the worst thing for me is the realisation that if you take a coke out of the fridge, it won't be replaced the next morning while you're out.
You have to go to the shop and buy one yourself.
That's very true.
I find hotel bathrooms fantastic.
And, you know, the freshly made bed, the fact that a little lady comes in or a man and changes all your sheets and polishes everything while you're out is easy to get used to that kind of life.
Even a lady man sometimes.
Sometimes it's a lady man doing the polishing and they don't even use a cloth.
Here's another one and this is my favourite one.
A couple of people have emailed in with this one.
Gene and James Cameron in Blackpool have commented that something you may or may not enjoy coming back from holiday is the rare chance to experience the smell of your own house.
Right.
Now this is very true that houses have smells and I remember as a kid this had quite a big impact on me but you used to be able to sort of smell a completely different aroma in every friend's house and somehow it's what do they call it synesthesia or whatever it's called where you associate colours or smell I think synesthesia is associating colours with days of the week and stuff like that but it's a similar kind of association a general aroma with a particular house
or family.
And I don't know whether it has to do with the family or the house, but it's true to say that you never become aware of your own smell because you're so used to it, unless you're coming back from holiday.
That's right.
Well, it's still sorts of different things.
It's like cleaning products and whether they've got pets and whether they smoke and all that kind of stuff gives a house a very particular scent.
And then obviously sometimes if you're unlucky, though, maybe there's been an accident, like a little flood or whatever in the kitchen,
and things will be stinky.
I mean that's deeply depressing when you come back to that.
But it can be shocking the smell of your own house.
As James goes on to say, it's like stepping out of your own self and then realizing this is what I smell like.
Yeah, it's usually nice and comforting though, isn't it?
Yours isn't.
Really?
Your house smells like death and ice cream.
That's fairly accurate.
It's not true.
No, it's not.
Let's just make that up.
Here's another one.
I like being smug and saying, I never get jet lag.
I just feel normal because I'm great.
That's from an anonymous texter, because I'm great.
Very good job.
I mean, have you ever been burgled when you've got back from holiday?
Don't think so, maybe as a child.
Because that's the thing, that's the fear that absolutely everybody has.
There's always a little voice in the back of your head saying, oh, please, oh, please.
Like when you turn the key in the lock, when you get back, you know what I mean?
Wouldn't it be a nightmare if you turned it, but you don't need to turn it because the door is already ajar from when the burglar just left.
Well, the door's off its hinges.
Or the doors of caravans and people camping in your front lawn.
Yeah.
In your front lawn.
Not on it.
One time we got back and that actually happened.
The door just swung open.
Didn't have to use the key.
But here was the thing, we forgot that we had like a key holder, alarm service guy.
So there was this, so we opened the door and there's this guy dressed in black leathers with a bike helmet on in the hallway.
Oh my God.
I freaked out.
I started to go, oh, what's going on?
It was the key holiday guy.
So when you were a child?
No, this was fairly recently.
Really?
And the alarm had gone off for some reason, so he'd come round to reset it, but it happened to be at the exact moment that we were getting back from holiday.
It was very freaky indeed.
Ed Norion Bournemouth says, the best thing about getting back from holiday abroad is the immense relief of being able to go into a shop, borrow a restaurant and ask for anything you like without talking really slowly and loudly.
before attempting to involve a bemused shopkeeper in an impromptu game of international charades.
Rich says my girlfriend Anne-Marie and I got so fed up with getting depressed after coming home from holiday that we moved to Uganda.
We're planning on being here for years, can you imagine how massively massively annoyed we're gonna be when we finally come back to the UK?
Man, you're gonna have a massive pile of post.
Be really depressing.
Your phone messages will have filled up and everything.
Touch the truck, we'll be back on.
So keep those emails coming in.
Best and worst things about returning from holidays.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Now is this your free play, Joe?
Yeah, this is some Raphael Sadiq.
He's a soul man.
He's the only non-major label artist to win five Grammys.
Is he, and is he the Soul Man?
Is he C. Thomas Howell?
He is.
C. Thomas Howell in his outfit from Soul Man, even though that's not really a film that's in circulation anymore.
It's not regularly played on Channel 5, is it?
No, it's bad in certain ways.
But, you know, Raphael said he isn't C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man.
He just blacks up C. Thomas Howell, right?
No, he takes pills, doesn't he, to darken his skin.
Is that the premise?
I don't even want to think about it.
It's so profoundly wrong.
This has nothing to do with that.
This is called Charlie Ray.
That's Madness with Wings of a Dove.
This is Adam and John BBC Six Music on a Saturday morning, 45 minutes of the show left to go.
And I'm wondering whether there are any American people listening.
Bound to be.
Do you think?
They're everywhere.
Some genuine real American people.
Yeah.
Because if you are listening and you're American, I'd like your opinion on something.
You know, if you're a regular listener, Adam and I enjoy actors doing bad accents in films.
Yeah, we haven't done it for a while, have we?
There's nothing we like more than, what was his name for Emotions 11?
Don Cheadle.
Don Cheadle trying to do an English accent?
Or what are the other classic bad examples of Americans trying to do English accents?
Well, Dick Van Dyke, he's the king.
His one is so mangled in Mary Poppins that you barely... He's not really even trying.
No.
Johnny Depp in From Hell... Yeah, he does a pretty good sort of Bowie impression in Sweeney Todd as well.
Well, the accent is better in Sweeney Todd.
In From Hell, he's going for something that's supposed to be more authentic.
No one was suspected to die at Grebs.
No one could afford Grebs.
I remember playing clips from that.
We played clips from that once.
Is Brad Pitt in Seven Years in Tibet?
Yes.
That's not really a British accent that he's doing, though, is it?
It's German, I think.
But it's not very
often that you get it the other way round that you find a British accent a British actor trying to do an American accent right and having a lot of trouble and we're not saying it's easy but it's just in the world of movies where there's massive amounts of money sloshing around you would have thought you know people would try a bit harder or you just get an American
Yeah, an actor of the proper nationality or a really good voice coach or something to avoid this sort of thing happening.
On the plane, on the way back from one of my recent joints, I watched a film called Fool's Gold with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson.
Joe, I'm giggling because Joe did a little grin after he said... I liked it.
They're all practically naked through the whole thing and it's very sunny and I don't know really what happened in it but it was very entertaining.
But it included Ray Winstone's, Britain's number one hard man and British man pretending to be American.
He's done it a little bit.
He was pretending to be American in the departed as well.
Was he making a good fist of it in the departed?
Well, here are some examples of Ray Winstone's, am I saying his name correctly?
Winston.
Of his American accent in the film Fool's Gold, he plays a kind of barnacled, crusty sailor pirate man who's forever trying to muscle in on the gold-finding action in the shallow blue waters of the Bahamas.
And this is one of his first attempts at an American accent.
Well, Mr. D's, I'm always delighted to welcome an entrance into my field, wherever it be on land or sea.
But I feel I need to warn you.
There's no way of getting away from treasure once it's fastened itself on your mind.
He's going for it there.
He's going for the Deep South thing, right?
Well, I've been allowed to warn you.
There's no way of fighting it.
But it keeps slipping.
It's too much of a stretch.
He's like tied with a rubber band vocally to the east end or wherever he's from.
And he keeps boinging back there.
Listen to it happen in this second excerpt.
Well, sir, we're just going to set off some charges and take a look.
You might want to ease back a ways just in case we accidentally scratch your finish.
Scratch your finish!
No, because we accidentally scratch your finish!
It just plonks right back into the East End at the end there.
That's amazing.
And well, it gets worse than that.
This is the worst one I could find.
Who directed this film?
I don't know.
I'm not sure it was directed.
They just all improvised it.
But here's Ray's final and most glorious attempt at being American.
Who the hell shut off that charge there's a man down there anybody gonna kill that boy it's gonna be me it's gonna be me anybody gonna kill that boy it's gonna be me that is amazing so what i'm interested in uh from our american listeners is does that to an american ear sound like an american accent are millions of american cinema goers being fooled
Yeah.
Into thinking that Ray Winstone is an American man or is the logic, well, you know, Ray Winston, he's a big name.
It doesn't matter if he's not very good, he's Ray Winston.
Well, it's the power of the performance is the thing, though, isn't it?
And he's very charismatic as an actor.
Yeah, but fool's gold is very immersive narrative.
you really want to believe that it all really happened and he just pops you out of it there does he yeah you're so just immersed in the reality of the moment to moment search for lost treasure do we know how much do we know about uh the character what ray's character
not much so we know that he's american he doesn't talk about where kai broom no those are his three scenes right i i just played you everything he does in the film honestly i pretty much did he just pops up he sweat a couple of ones where he says bad words that i couldn't play well he's got kind of jaunty music playing underneath in there as well as if the whole thing's tongue in cheek a little bit yeah
Because you know a film that you were talking about the other day that I went and checked out was National Treasure 2.
Right.
There you go.
Well, that's an example of a very, very bad English accent from Nicolas Cage, but maybe purposely.
Purposely, yeah.
That was a funny scene, though, that he does in there.
No, it wasn't.
I enjoyed that film.
Well, you were prepped for it.
I didn't know what was going on when that... This is... Yeah, we can't go into too much detail, but if you're regular listening, you'll know what we're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, but I thought it was funny.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was chuckling away.
That's amazing, Ray Winstone.
What's he thinking about?
That's worse than his one in The Departed, which was pretty magnified.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, get in touch if you're American.
Is that convincing at all, or do you just listen to that and think, well, that's Ray Winston making a bad semi-fist of it?
Yeah, I'd love to know.
Now here's a free play and this is a bit of Van Morrison.
We're partial to Slice of Van.
I think Van Morrison is playing tonight, in fact, up in London.
Where's that lovely stately home park place?
Kenwood, yeah.
Somebody told me an amazing story about how Van Morrison's band used to get revenge for him, involving a bag full of harmonicas.
Van Morrison popping to the loo.
Do you have that story?
There's loads of revolting.
They do something horrible to one of the harmonicas and then wait for him to play it.
You can fill in the gaps.
Probably apocryphal, notoriously grumpy Van Morrison, but a genius.
He's a genius, I love the man, and I'd like to dedicate this song to my friend Tony Law, wonderful stand-up comedian, and he's getting married tonight, or today in fact, to his lovely girlfriend Storm, and I wish I could be there, Tony, but unfortunately I can't because I'm moving house.
Congratulations, and they're going off to see Van Morrison tonight.
It's a nice name, isn't it?
Yes.
Storm.
Storm, what's her real name?
Storm!
Really?
Yes!
What's her second name?
Dribble.
No, it's not.
Front would be a good second name.
Storm Front.
Exactly.
F-R-U-N-T.
No, that's not her surname, but Storm... Storm Law.
Listen, I'm trying to dedicate a song to Storm and Tony... She should get straight to HBO and get some kind of legal series.
Storm Law.
Storm Holder.
What?
Congratulations, chaps.
I hope you have a wonderful day if you're listening, and I'd like to dedicate this song to you.
Hope you enjoy Van Morrison tonight if you're going to see him at Kenwood.
This is Glad Tidings.
T. rex with 20th century boy from 1972.
I preferred the C. C. Sputnik version.
Did you?
What ever happened to C. C. Sputnik?
I'll tell you exactly what happened to them.
Tony James is now in carbon silicon with ex-clash man.
What's his name?
The bloke from the clash.
That was good.
You nearly had it then.
I nearly had it.
I know exactly what is... Mick Jones.
Right.
And they've got a new single out, I think, and it's called something like Good Morning Here is the News or something, and the cover has got them looking ancient on the front, deliberately so, I think, as if they were news readers.
Great.
Thanks for answering.
OK, we're going to text the nation to sleep forever now, like a kindly vet.
The question was, what are the depressing and exciting things about getting back from holiday?
Two more to read out, one from Victoria Seachem.
And she says, Hello, I returned from a trip to Florida many years ago, laden with sweet-based gifts for our neighbours.
We were all about 11, excited at the opportunity to show off all the spoils from amazing foreign lands.
Imagine my disappointment to discover that in the two weeks we'd been away, Skittles had been introduced to the UK and the bored look on the faces of our neighbours.
Oh, dear.
It's true that there are fewer glamorous foreign brands.
Yeah.
They've started to unify the brands, haven't they?
Like, what was that detergent one?
Like, Hif or whatever?
Hif.
Hif became Sif.
You know, Snickers and all that business everyone always goes on about.
Yeah.
But one of the knock-on effects of that is it makes it less exciting to go abroad.
Milk duds, you don't get those in the UK, do you?
No, they're an American thing.
Junior mints, you don't get those either.
They're still one or two goobers.
Yeah.
There's still one or two that you can't get in the UK, but euro-wise, it's all a bit unified in a boring way.
Well, that's because of the happy world of Haribo, though, isn't it?
That's true.
Is it?
Yeah.
Haribo, they have political influence.
They're big chewy tentacles.
Really?
They have a seat in the EU.
I think.
That big jelly man.
Well, the place where we go on holiday in France is where the Haribo Museum actually is.
You've spoken about the Haribo Museum before and God forbid we open up that can of jelly worms.
And the final email is from Simon Misra.
He's hungover and working in Manchester.
He says, morning Adam and Jo.
The best thing about returning from holiday is knowing that you're still digesting the last thing you ate from that final depressing farewell holiday meal.
And you can cling to the cherished memories of it until the fodder is expelled from your system.
That's a nice base one to end on, I think.
Bringing things back round to the Lavi, where we live.
Although usually it's a question of digesting the food that you ate on the plane, you know, and that's always a strange mixture, especially if you have a little bit of wine.
There's something very peculiar about the combination of sort of wine, chocolate, and... I don't want to get into that.
this area.
Food that you get on a plane sometimes and it kind of shakes you around up there at 10,000 feet or whatever.
10,000.
And it's weird.
Yeah.
Are you not flying at 10,000 feet?
Usually, but it isn't about 30.
It's about 30.
I go much lower.
Much lower.
Maybe it is lower to Europe.
30,000 is dangerous.
I don't know what kind of planes you're flying on, but that's dangerous.
You're not supposed to go above 10,000.
So that's the end of that.
It's if anything goes wrong.
You can jump out.
It's safe to jump at 10,000 feet, that's true.
Yeah, because your trousers open up and then they slow you down.
I tell you what, if you ever do have to jump out of a plane, always jump out over Chinatown.
Because of all the awnings.
And they break your full one up to the next.
That's the end of Text the Nation.
For this week, we'll have another one next week.
What now?
Daddy's gone.
It's Glaz Vegas time.
Oh my gosh.
That was more epic than I thought it was going to be.
It was tiring, wasn't it?
That was Glenn Vegas.
That's satisfying.
That's called Daddy's Gone.
Sad news for everybody.
It's released on the 25th of August physically, but you can download it in a metaphysical form from Sunday the 24th.
I love the way you stop there.
Thanks.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music coming up to the last exciting breakneck 15 minutes of the show and I've got an idea Adam.
Go on then.
You know ID cards?
Yeah, they should be compulsory.
Yeah, well no, they don't work.
Nothing works.
The computer men can hack them and everything.
It's not working.
Right.
So I've got a solution to the problem.
What are you going to do?
I think that everybody should have a unique name.
Right.
Now, this is already happening in the world of computers.
Your online name won't be Adam Buxton, right?
It's Buckles7290.
Exactly.
I think people should be christened with those names.
Yeah.
And you should have, everyone in the world should have a unique name because we're used to the idea of involving weird words and numbers in names now, right?
And so you'd be christened, you know, I christened this child, wisbot44, that would happen in the church in the christening bowl.
And then from then on... That's what it's called.
You would be addressed by that name, and you'd also use it on all websites.
The police could stop you and, you know, ask your name, and they'd know exactly who you are.
You'd have a unique criminal file.
What's your name, son?
Where's what?
Full name.
Where's bot 44?
Exactly.
That's the end of the idea, but it's quite brilliant, don't you think?
That is a good idea.
Yeah, because basically, what is your online name?
It's just funny one.
No, I don't know because for the purposes you see I don't like the people hiding behind people of our age actually got in there quite early Yeah, I got quite a good name quite early I can't say it no cuz it'll bring me all sorts of online you mean the name that I use for like emails and stuff
Yeah, well, for instance, if you log on to a new service or if you're a video gamer and you log on to an online gaming thing, you have to choose a unique name.
And these days you, you know, you go through 20 or 30 before you, you can either use one of the suggested ones or you can go through 20.
And the most obscure ones are always taken.
You think, oh, no one's called pizza 84 mini clubman.
I am.
And you are, you see?
See, if you wanted to use that, you had to be called Pizza 84 Mini Clubman 2.
Exactly.
Which word in my new world be a legitimate name?
Yeah.
And did I mention that this name is tattooed on your forehead?
You failed to mention it.
Did I?
Well, that's a key ingredient as well.
It's tattooed on your forehead at birth.
Well, that's good because it makes the parents think harder about it.
Exactly.
Yeah, so Whizbot 44 would be good.
Pizza man wouldn't be so good.
No, that would be too long.
Yeah.
Have you thought about what your name would be?
I do have an online name.
I go by the name of Jobot sometimes.
It's a mixture of Joe and Robot.
Right, I like it.
So I might use that one.
That would be taken.
I'm not the only Jobot though.
I'm the only Jobot on certain things.
What suffix would you use if that was taken?
I'd try and not go for a number.
Really?
I think that'll be a bit common.
Random letters?
Maybe some Japanese letters, because you could use other scripts as well, other fonts.
Exactly, some kanji.
Yeah.
And you know, so it's a good idea, don't you think?
It's a brilliant idea.
It's the kind of forward-thinking political idea that the current parties can't, you know, they're too stuck in the mud to come up with.
I don't see Gordon Brown getting his head round a whizbox.
No, it's an idea for the future.
Yeah.
You know, when this radio show gets bigger and we go into politics and we can start making some policy decisions.
Yeah.
They've told us our contract is up in October and that's one of the things we're negotiating for, is to be actually allowed to make some policy decisions for the government.
Yeah.
Mainly me, I think.
That's a good idea.
They're trying to edge you out.
Mine are a bit too right-wing.
Now, here's a free play.
This is your choice now, Joe.
Yeah, this is some Stereolab for you.
They've got a new album coming up very soon, but I haven't heard it.
This is from an old album.
This is a classic.
This is called French Disco with a K.
It's a little gone a bit gothic there at the end, isn't it?
Dancing around and that's what it's like in French discos.
Oh, I wish I was in a French disco right now.
She's with the t-shirt Sadie.
The lady from from Stereolac.
She's just about as adorable as it's possible to get there, isn't she?
French disco is generally very sexy.
I remember going to disco when I was on a French exchange.
All sorts of things happened there.
Did they really?
Whole new world's opened up.
A whole new world.
A new fantastic French point of view.
Yes.
Okay, now that's pretty much it for our show.
Ladies and gentlemen, Liz Kershaw is back with you very shortly, but we have a sad announcement to make now.
This is our last show with our producer, Jude Adam, who has been with us since we joined Six Music almost a year ago now.
We've tired of her.
So we are going to blast her into space.
Actually she's blasting herself into space, she's going to live in America.
She's going to live in America where they got coke coming out of the taps.
It's a superior country where people are free.
Right.
In America people are generally just free to do what they please.
You can say what you want pretty much any time of the day.
You can do what you want, you can express yourself in whatever way, which for people who live in Britain is a tantalising prospect.
There's no health and safety regulations in America.
The weather's nice.
There's all kinds of different terrain.
There's snow and hotness and coldness.
You don't even have to leave the country.
Free money.
Amazing donuts.
Amazing health.
That telly's very good.
It's better than Bruce television at the moment.
It's good.
The only downside is that you have to... It's run by lunatics.
It's run by lunatics.
You have to fight in completely insane wars.
So if you're up for that.
then you'll be sorted but Jude seriously we're gonna miss you thank you so much for taking good care of us making us sound half decent imagine what we're gonna sound like now you've gone it's a disaster fall apart hey thanks Jude we've got a little jingle for you big British castle jingle to say goodbye to you this is very emotional one of our loyal subjects is leaving the castle is her name is Jude and she's going to America all of the people of the castle wish her lots of love
And that's sincere.
Even if it's stationary or just some blank CDs, we'll find them.
The detectors will go off and you won't be allowed to enter America at all.
You'll be kept here in the whole dungeon of the big British castle.
That's it for this week.
Thanks very much to listening.
Thanks to everybody who entered the Video Wars competition.
Congratulations to our winners.
Thanks for listening.
Thank you most of all to Jude for all her hard work over the last year.
We're gonna miss you take care, and we'll be with you again next week listeners stay tuned for Liz Kershaw.
Bye