The Adam and Joe Archive - adam_and_joe_20080607_bad

BBC 6 Music.

Hello and welcome to the big picture castle.

It's time for Adam and Jo to broadcast on the radio.

There'll be some music and some random talking in between.

And then eventually the whole thing will just end.

And boom!

Hello, listeners, this is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

Happy Saturday morning, we're back from our holiday, Adam's back from his holiday, I'm back from being chained to the grindstone.

Oh, how was that?

Is that an expression?

It was brilliant.

I love the grind, I love being chained to the grindstone.

Have you seen Conan the Barbarian?

Yeah.

Do you remember the bit when he's chained to the grindstone?

Oh, it's the sexiest part.

It's the passage from boy to man, he's chained on as a boy and then it dissolves to his massive calves.

Wait a second, I don't think I do remember that bit.

In what way has he chained to it?

Are they sort of grinding?

Yeah.

They're grinding whatever they grinded back in Conan days.

Is that the way they did it in Conan days?

Yeah.

To make the transition.

Hovis.

He was working for Hovis.

Right.

Other breads are available.

There you go.

Well, it's a beautiful day this morning, listeners, here in London Town, and I think we missed a trick, in fact, by not playing Beautiful Day by U2 to kick off the show.

How stupid of us.

It would have been good, don't you reckon?

Because that's a great song, and it's, uh, Apposite.

Because it's a beautiful day, as you see.

And we could have put camera crews in listeners' houses, and filmed them as they punched the air and smiled, and then cut it together for a trailer.

That would have been perfect.

It's a beautiful day.

Yes!

And they could have had shots of us laughing.

Yeah.

And stuff like that.

By an estate.

Oh, what?

By a council estate.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, all trailers have to be done in council estates these days.

That's a good idea.

Yeah.

Whereabouts would you have been on the estate?

In the sink.

I would have been leaning out of a window.

Right, right.

And yeah, I would have been leaning out of a window and shouting abuse.

That sounds good.

Yeah, don't you think?

Yes.

So listen, we've got great music coming up for you in the next three hours until noon.

We've got Text the Nation.

We've got various bits and bobs to chat about.

There's no song wars.

Not after the disgrace of three weeks ago.

We're resolving it though, right?

Ah, we've got the winner of the Happy Birthday Song Wars.

If anyone remembers that far back.

Yeah, that was a long time ago.

Kids these days, they can hardly remember a minute back.

Because of all the drugs in their system.

Exactly.

And the fights.

That's true, that's true.

Listen, let's play some music right now.

Here's the Zutons, and this is always right behind you.

always right behind you by the Zutons.

That was the one that we said sounded like hoochie packet from the 70s last time, I think.

And it still does.

Is that out now?

Is that in the shops?

Available for physical release?

Physical release in the shops.

Moth in aisle six.

Okay.

But that's great stuff, though, isn't it?

That music.

I love that music.

Don't you think?

I mean, music is fun.

It's the combination of notes that does it.

Yeah, exactly.

And you can tap your feet and that kind of thing.

So, man, how have you been the last couple of weeks?

I've been fine, thank you very much.

Haven't seen you since two weeks ago.

Two weeks, yeah, I've been fine, thank you.

Tweaks.

What have you been up to?

Watched some films, watched a lot of telly, sent in the garden, worked.

What was the best film you saw?

Oh, I'm a film.

I'd have to think about that.

Well, I only saw one film in the last couple of weeks, and it was Nim's Island with Jodie Foster.

That's good.

Isn't that the sequel to Andre the Seal?

Is it?

I think it might be.

No, I don't think it.

Maybe Andre the Seal might be in it.

Is there a seal in it?

Yeah, there's a funny seal.

And there's a little girl seal fox.

It's nothing funnier than a farting seal.

Nothing.

Or seal farting.

The singer is amusing as well.

But he's not in this, unfortunately.

Nim's Island is... It's very long.

It's very long.

And Jodie Foster's not that good in it.

Really?

Yeah, I was disappointed because I'm a big Jodie Foster fan.

I'll see anything that she's in.

Dr. Foster?

Yeah.

She can operate on me any time, Dr. Foster.

I love her.

But, Nimz Island, what's going on there?

Do you know if they made a Michael Jackson biopic, she should play Jacko.

Why?

Have you ever noticed the amazing physical resemblance between Jodie Foster and Michael Jackson?

She has the same nose, doesn't she, now that she's in the same face?

The post-op nose.

Yeah.

Although, of course, she's had no surgery on her nose to get there.

That's true.

As far as we know.

As far as we know, yeah.

That's a very good idea.

Thanks, man.

What would happen in it?

I mean, obviously, it would be like it's life, but... Yeah, it would be really amazing for 90 minutes and really weird and depressing for the last half hour.

We take a sudden twist 90 minutes, you know.

Her voice is probably too deep to be Jaco.

That's true.

That's the thing.

She'd have to be put to a vocoder.

But in every other way, she's got what it takes, I reckon.

Now, I'm going to play you a free play now, listeners.

And after this, we're going to announce the winner of Song Wars, our happy birthday Song Wars.

This is by Colin Blunstone.

Do you know who Colin Blunstone is, Joe?

Is he a listener?

No, he's not.

He's done a cover.

Colin's done a cover of What the Combs Would Have Broken Hearted.

He's done it very well because Colin's got a brilliant voice.

Well done, Colin.

Colin, he used to be in a band.

He got a band together with some mates.

All the instruments he plays are kitchen implements.

That's true.

And his band used to call the Zombies.

So, Bluntstone was in the Zombies, and the Zombies distinguished themselves, apart from being like one of the quintessential bands of the 60s, as being very intelligent.

I think between them they had more A-levels than any other English band.

That's the fact about the Zombies.

that I know.

I don't know if they were good grades.

You know, if they were around these days, they'd all be A's, because A levels are so easy nowadays.

They're worthless.

They're totally worthless.

A plus, plus, plus, plus.

Now that's a good grade.

But otherwise, forget about it.

But this version of what becomes of the broken-hearted, which came out in the early 80s,

is brilliant and very strange sounding and I think you'll enjoy it and it's on this compilation of zombies and Colin Blunstone and related stuff that's just come out which is wicked but here is Blunstone with his version of what becomes The Broken Hearted.

Um, hmm, hmm, hmm.

that he did in the early eighties which is amazing and which i will bring in at some other juncture to play you and it is on the on this new zombies compilation you'll find the version i was talking about i mean that was nice was it uh come on these isn't nice it was good

That was good.

It's a classic song.

He's got one of the greatest voices in pop, Colin Blunstone.

It wasn't a thing that I wanted to play you folks.

You know, you could have heard that on, on, uh, Nipple's FM.

You want FM?

Yeah.

So who's FM?

There you go.

Anyway, it's time now to resolve song wars.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a jingle.

It's time for Song Wars, the war of the songs, a couple of twos, buy a couple of proms, so check it out.

Yes, Song Wars, sir, three weeks ago was alternative birthday songs.

We were trying to cash in on the lucrative Happy Birthday copyright market.

And it is popularly regarded as the worst song wars ever, even though I take responsibility for that.

My effort was shockingly awful.

It makes me want to swear on air.

I feel those are the only... I won't.

Of course I won't.

I'm just saying I've got the impulse, because that's how bad it was.

Um, but, so I think it's pretty much got to be a shoo-in.

You reckon, let's have the- I'm expecting zero percent.

No.

That would be, that would be a first, if you got zero.

If it was zero percent, if it wasn't zero percent, I'm gonna be, um, worried about the person who's voted for it.

Yeah.

Well the person who would have voted for it, no disrespect, would be just someone who fancied you.

Or something like that, yeah.

Can we have the envelope?

Joe Cornish is taking the envelope.

Envelope is sealed with cellotape.

Crikey.

Munch, isn't it, Jude?

Has other DJs been trying to steal the results?

Here we go.

So what was your song called, Adam?

It was called Happy Birthday Time.

Mine was called the Birthday Reply Song.

This was good, it was quite funny.

It was quite funny.

It was a little annoying.

Grating.

Hey, look at that.

Well, I've got 17%.

That's very respectable, isn't it?

You've win with 83.

Well, that's... I'm gonna look through the emails and find out who voted.

See if I can figure out what's going on in their heads.

Congratulations.

Thanks, man.

That means an awful lot to me.

Not much of a victory, really.

See, we hear my... when he's on... The question is, who shall I make this song to because there's a gap and I can sing Happy Birthday Day anymore.

Is it not your birthday today?

It is my birthday today.

Yeah, it's your birthday today.

So I could sing my name in the... Happy birthday, Dr. Buckles.

Thank you very much.

Alice is the... Alice, I'll sing Alice.

Alice, in the room?

She's listening at home.

Is she?

Happy birthday, Alice.

I'll do this for Alice, okay?

It would be a little bit self-regarding, I think, to do my... to do it to myself.

Here we go, this is happy birthday time.

It's birthday time, it's birthday time It's time for your birthday today Oh yes, it's birthday time Happy birthday time To fail to celebrate would be a horrible crime Your name is Alice I brought you a gift To celebrate the fact you're still alive

You came out of a woman or possibly a tube And ever since that day you have survived And now it's birthday time, happy present time We've got some cake and wine and cake and food It's birthday day, that wonderful time You should eat the cake, it's not a tube

Today's the day you will be happy all day Because we come to celebrate the day you're cured We're singing to you and we're looking at you And now you should be smiling, it's a happy day It's a birthday time, that joyful date The same thing that you busted out the wound Many years have passed since they made full day Who can tell how many more you'll get through

Birthday time, birthday cards I bought a card and wrote your name within I gave you the card, and now birthday cards I bought a card and wrote your name within I gave you the card, and now it's yours And later you will put it in the bin

Birthday time!

Birthday time's yours!

Why can't we live forever?

That's a good question.

Don't you think it would be good if people had birthdays they could tell us about them, we could play that every single time someone told us they had a birthday?

I'm doing a gig tonight at the 100 Club and I could sing that to myself if things go badly.

Don't you reckon?

That would make it better.

Well, that's your like, get out, strategy.

No, if I had nothing left to lose, I can rescue any gig by singing this song.

Just start singing that to myself.

I'm emceeing, right?

I've never emceded myself before.

This gig was awful.

But then he sang this amazing song and the whole thing turned round.

People were punching the air.

I could do that.

It's a really packed house, all sold out.

Stuart Lee's on the bill.

And David Cross.

and Rich Folcher from the Boosh.

It's all like, I'm afraid you can't go folks, because it is totally sold out, but it's a big gig, you know.

I'm nervous about him seeing it, so I'm gonna sing Happy Birthday to myself when I come out on stage.

Anyway, it's time now to wash the taste of that mess out of your ears, and here's a trail for Glastonbury.

Let's go to town, by the specials of course, with all the long horn bit in the middle there

Do you like things to be kept short and sweet, Joe?

Or do you like things to be grotesquely extended?

Grotesquely extended?

It's just the way you said it.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

It's time now for the news.

as doves with there goes the fear there goes the fear the fear seems to be playing cowbells and having a sort of a caribbean party a wicked kind of salsa party the fear's having it's nice isn't it the fear's generally cheered up lately the fear you know wakes up like everyone else sees that it's a lovely day and thinks that's the party!

you know that sound?

it's I don't know what they look like how do they make it?

What was it?

Look like Jude.

It's, um, it looks like almost like a tin can.

Put your sweater back on.

With a membrane on it and a piece of string and when you pull it through it goes WOAH!

That's the sound of fun.

A tin can with a diaphragm stuck on the end.

Frankly.

Is what it is.

That's a fun thing for mums to make.

It's Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

It's Saturday morning, happy Saturday morning, listeners.

Now it's time for a visit to the movies.

We are big fans, Adam and I, of bad British accents in films.

Yeah, absolutely.

We kind of vaguely collect them.

There's nothing better than an American actor attempting to do a British accent.

And the more wrong they get it, the better it is.

And one should say that it's rare for American actors to really do a bad job.

It's more common, I would say, is this right?

Or am I insane?

Is it more common for a British actor to do a manglerized American accent than the other way around?

I'd say the other way around.

You reckon?

Yeah.

I'm thinking of Ray Winston in The Departed.

He does a terrible American accent there.

I'd say there's more American actors pretending to be British ones that are bad.

It's mostly the men, weirdly.

Women seem to do it quite well.

Well, the king is Don Cheadle, of course, in The Oceans.

Absolutely.

But there's a new contender to the crown because during our holiday I saw a film called National Treasure 2.

Oh, it's one of the worst films ever made, apparently.

Have you seen it?

No, I've heard of it.

It's worth watching.

It's very odd.

But it's about a treasure hunter.

I forget what his name is, played by Nicholas Cage.

He's sort of stolen Tom Hanks' hair from the Da Vinci Code.

He's got weird, sideburn-less hairpiece hair.

I think it's a hairpiece anyway, isn't it?

He's got sort of a frizzy mullet going on there.

Anyway, during this story of this stupid film, it's a treasure hunting film, they've got to find some stupid relic I can't quite remember.

Is it a golden skull?

No.

Oh.

uh the thing they've got to find it's something to do the declaration of independence or something like that but one of the stages of the adventure they go on involves breaking into uh bucking bucking ham palace yes uh where the queen's desk you know that's a very famous thing the queen's desk isn't it that's uh everyone chats about

Have you seen the Queen?

We went to London last year, and we saw the Queen's desk!

The Queen's desk, if you open the drawers a particular distance, like a kind of combination lock, a mysterious panel pops open.

And Prince Philip pops out.

Something like that.

Anyway, so there's a whole sequence where Nicholas Cage and his team of adventurers go to Buckingham Palace and attempt to break into the palace.

So it's all Mission Impossible style, and they're getting ready to get in there.

They've gone on one of those tours,

Uh, and they're gonna slip in where they're not allowed into the Queen's office.

Like Michael Fagan.

Do you remember him?

Yes.

The man who turned up in the Queen's bedroom.

With no clothes on.

So, uh, at the beginning of this exciting raid, one of the characters says one of those gung-ho phrases, to kick things off.

You know, he's broken into a toilet, he's got his laptop out, all his technology out, and he's gonna say a phrase to kick the whole operation off that's very British.

Yeah.

He's an American character.

And so this is what he says.

Okay, it's tea time chaps.

Okay.

I would have gone for, it's time to play some croquet on the lawn.

That's like if we made a film about a group of British people breaking into the White House or the Oval Office or something, if we started it off with a guy going, okay, it's time to have our cheeseburger.

Have a nice day.

Why are they from the West Country?

Yes.

They're trying to do American access, that's the idea.

Anyway, so the attack on the Queen's office continues, and at one stage, Nicolas Cage has to sort of cause a distraction.

He's with his bicker and girlfriend, and they've got to cause some kind of distraction for the security guards, so he decides to pretend to be a drunk English man.

Nice.

Having a fight with his girlfriend.

And he gets in a sort of argument with the security guards, and this is when the English accent comes in.

Here's part one of how he defends himself from the security guards.

Going to detain a blighter for enjoying his wiz.

Yee!

That's very British, isn't it?

He's going for laughs, though, isn't he?

I don't know.

Well, Cage, he's a genius.

Yeah.

Everyone can't tell what he's doing.

I think you may be right, and there's further evidence in the next clip.

That doesn't work.

The security guards are still manhandling him out.

Going to detain a blighter for drinking his wiz.

So he decides to sing a classic British song.

A song that every British man knows, inside and out.

It's called, I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.

But he sings it in quite an eccentric way.

Here it is.

It's all right, that's enough.

Back as a match, sir.

What was this week?

Small deal of pie.

Sir?

Haggis!

That's it!

Dismount the bannister!

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!

Here they are!

Down in the middle row!

In small ones!

Down in the middle row!

That sounds good though, I think that sounds funny.

You've got to remember that this is sort of out of tone with anything else in the film.

Nothing else really has the same feel or style.

It's pretty insane.

And then one other little bit I wanted to play you was kind of on a different topic, but they get deep enough into Buckingham Palace and they pretend to be flower arrangers in order to sneak in there.

Yeah.

So they walk through a sort of cordoned off official area, carrying a big vase of flowers.

And they have to make up some flower-related dialogue while a kind of security guard walks past to convince the security guard that they are flower experts.

You have to listen quite carefully to this clip, but this is Cage's attempt at being knowledgeable about flowers.

It's kind of mumbled, so listen carefully.

Oh, the flowers.

He says, oh, flowers, petals, stamens, good.

Say that one more time.

Oh, the flowers, petals, stamens.

Oh, they're flowers, petals.

Damon, good.

He's playing it for last.

That sounds good, man.

You've sold the film to me.

I'm going to see it now.

It's weird.

The tone's all over the place, because that stuff's very broad.

But later, when they get to doing actual kind of adventuring, it's sort of played more realistically than Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

It's very odd.

Very all over the place.

He is a genius, though, Cage.

Yeah, he's not picking his projects so well, but they're very profitable, aren't they, those national treasure films?

Yes, exactly.

They're for little kiddies.

Little tiny kiddies who've had their brains removed.

Really?

Yeah.

There are a lot of them around these days.

There are a lot.

It's a big burgeoning market.

Just to take the brain entirely out.

It just saves a lot of time.

It's like an operation you can have.

It's a bit like a circumcision, you know.

If you want to avoid problems with a particular part of your body later in life, you just get rid of it.

And same with the brain.

You just pop it out and it's all... They leave some bits in there, don't they?

Little bits, yeah, just to cover motor functions, things like that.

Right.

Everything else that might cause problems, just pop it out.

And that's what the National Treasure films are.

Basically catering.

Well I recommend that and that goes into my top five British accents ever.

That's a peach.

Music time now, ladies and gentlemen, here is, here are even, we are scientists with a song about chick lids, so listen carefully.

Well, there was nothing about Chiclet in that song, really.

It's all, I was expecting a kind of frothy story about a girl with some flatmates and some sexy guys who come round and one of them is almost about to get married to one of the girls in the flat, but he can't commit.

And it's so annoying.

And then he has an affair and something like that.

But no, there was nothing like that in there.

It was a total rip-off.

We are scientists.

You know, if you're not gonna... Just call it something else if you're not gonna have any stuff about Chick-Lit.

Help me, Joe.

Sorry, otherwise I went to the... to the La Vatoire.

How was that?

That was amazing.

Physical release?

Yeah.

Mop in aisle 6.

So I wasn't really listening.

But that doesn't surprise me.

These popular music artists, they don't care about anything.

They're encouraging the kids not to care about anything.

And it disgusts me.

I think Boris Johnson should release every song in the charts.

Absolutely.

He should sing them all.

That's Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

Now we've got a very special announcement, listeners.

Is that what we're doing now?

We've got, and this is genuinely incredible because it's impossible to launch a competition on the BBC since all the scandals recently.

They've really cracked down in a very positive way that Adam and I agree with.

In a brilliant way.

Yeah, so this whole thing has had to be put through sort of layers and layers of red tape and stuff, but we've managed to get permission to do a competition.

And it's a competition to make a video for some Song Wars songs.

Isn't that right, Adam?

Exactly right.

And what we want you to do is to pick one of two songs that we are offering to you from the Song Wars canon, and these are early Song Wars efforts.

In fact, rumor has it that some Song Wars songs might be coming out in album form on a digital release, possibly on the Apple-based file-sharing network.

And these are two of the songs, one of which is Joe's Meatballs song.

This was a song about, well it was inspired by the instructions on an Ikea frozen meatballs packet, and my one is Jane's Brain, which I think was the first thing I ever did for song wars.

They're early offerings, because they're short and they're fairly simple.

Exactly we went for the shortness really because we didn't we don't want to like ruin your lives by asking you to work All the rest of your time on on two and a half minute efforts So these are short ones 30 seconds 50 seconds and you can just make a quick video what we really want you to do is just make something creative imaginative and

sent it into us here at Six Music, and I'm reading from the blurb here.

It says, technical skills aren't an issue.

You can use a computer, webcam, video camera, mobile phone, anything you want.

It doesn't have to be amazingly glossy.

We're not looking for technical sophistication even though that will impress us.

But if you do something low-fi but really inventive, that's just as likely to impress us.

Even if you've got a funny face.

And why would people be doing this, Joe?

What do they stand to get?

Well, first of all, we should tell them that this competition is being judged by Adam Buxton and me, Joe Cornish, and our friend Garth Jennings, who made Son of Rambo and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

More importantly, Garth made many of the world's greatest pop videos.

Absolutely.

So he's a big pop video expert.

We'll be judging.

And the winner, what's the prize?

I think they get to come into the show.

It says here.

And sit in on the show.

Is that it?

It says that the winning creator will be given a special behind-the-scenes tour of the show.

No.

So what will they see behind the scenes?

Yes.

Some deaths.

Yes.

And they will be allowed to use the toilet.

The very same toilet which I just used, remember.

So that's an exciting prize.

You can come and sit in on the show and would they actually sit in the studio?

Or they could go wherever they wanted.

They can touch us.

They would have an Access All Areas pass here at Six Music for one morning.

Yeah, and we'll give them permission to touch us in certain areas.

You can sit in the hub where all the live sessions are recorded and stuff, you can wander around, you can touch the big wooden six music logo there, you can play with Jude's headphones, you can do anything you want, pretty much, if you are the winner of our video competition.

There's no money or anything material to give them, no, it's just the trip to the studio.

And we showcase their video on the website.

On the website.

Do we pay for their travel to the studio?

Yes.

All expenses paid.

Trip to Lambun.

So the details of this competition are on the Six Music website, I would imagine.

Is that right, Jude?

Yeah, exactly.

So find out more there, but we'd really like you to take part, obviously, otherwise we'll look like kind of losers who've launched a competition that no one wants to take part in.

And that's one of the most humiliating things that can happen to someone in our modern world.

It's bound to happen.

The closing date for the competition is noon on the 5th of July 2008, and we hereby swear to watch every single video that comes in.

Because they'll probably only be four.

Yeah, exactly.

Now that's true, we have to.

Big British Castle rules.

Yes, this is a proper competition.

If it turned out that someone had sent in a video that we hadn't watched, the whole castle would shut down.

Yeah.

And we'd be responsible.

So it's a big responsibility we have, and we're going to take it very, very seriously.

So there we go, visit the Adam and Jo website on the Six Music website.

Check out the proper rules and have a listen to the songs.

We might play you a little clip of them now.

Can we have a little bit of Jane's Brain?

You've got two songs to choose from, listeners, to make your video too.

This is Adam's, one of Adam's early works.

It's about what happens inside the brain of a lady.

Is that right?

Exactly, a lady's brain.

It's called Jane's Brain.

Have a listen.

Oh yeah, her name was J. She had a brain and a dick in her head She'd use a brain to make the things that she didn't have She'd make the cars and she'd make the fancy dresses And she'd make the big houses that she'd make the cars She liked cars very much and heated She'd have one, she would drive around and go shopping She'd use the car to put her shopping inside And then she'd drive back to her house and to pack her shopping and she'd eat it

That's crying out to have a video made for it.

Absolutely, that would be easy.

Imagine the possibilities.

Easy, no problem.

And it's short and sweet.

Let's have a quick listen to Joe's Meatballs song.

I should remind you that this song is based on the instructions for cooking IKEA meatballs, isn't it?

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll place the meatballs in the humble food dish and heat a 225 degrees centigrade for about 15 minutes in a microwave at 700 watts.

And James Brayne

choose either one of those songs you can do a whole ladies brain based video or a cooking based video and upload them to the website and you could win that extraordinary prize that is an extra we might are we allowed to just bring some stuff in to give this person sort of out of the castle when we're outside yeah if it's a personal exchange one-on-one we can do we could put together some kind of goodie bag

It seems to me you need extra motivation.

Yeah.

It's a good though, if you live outside of London, it would be a good free day trip.

You'd get to come to the studio, then you could go shopping where we're right near Oxford Circus.

Is there any kind of vetting procedure that we can do on these people so we can stop like random nutcases coming in?

No?

It's purely on merit.

Best video.

That can't be right, can it?

What if a complete nut bar makes the best video?

It's bound to be a complete nut bar.

Oh no.

Is this a good idea?

It's a very good idea.

Visit the Adam and Jo website of BBC6 Music online to see the full terms and conditions and all that sort of business.

And please make a video.

We can't wait to see what you come up with.

So there you go.

Now it's music time and Jo, you've chosen this track.

Yeah, this is a Hippity Hop track.

This is from an album that came out in 1990.

It's deleted by a guy called K Solo.

This is from the days when hip-hoppers used to try and get on the radio by not swearing, rather than swearing as much as they can and being banned and getting attention.

So instead of saying nasty words, he just says, what the...

at one stage in the song.

It's a brilliant rap.

It's by a guy called K Solo.

He was part of EPMD.

Do you know who they are?

Adam?

I remember EPMD.

Yeah.

Or at least it was produced by EPMD.

This is really good.

And Eminem kind of nicked this for his song.

You'll recognize the hook.

This is called Will the Real Solo Stand Up.

Will the real solo please stand up?

My style's aggressive, like a pit bull terrier.

The harder it sounds on wax, the more the merrier.

Maestro, release this beat for me.

See, when I rhyme, I rig my pits, and get paid easily.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

Rig my pits?

Something to do with his armpits.

18 years ago, that record was, I still don't know what he's saying.

I'm gonna rig my pits.

Some gather round, listen to the flow, so I can prove I'm the true solo.

MCs grab my **** and bit it bold and...

Bit it like... Oh, I don't know what that means!

Put it behind their name and ate it up like ravioli!

Oh no, he's saying!

They... they bit it... bold... and... MC's grabbed my name and bit it bold and put it behind their name and ate it up like ravioli!

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, I've got that bit.

Good.

It's taken me 18 years to work out that bit.

Rig My Pits.

Dunno, I have to keep thinking about that.

That was K Solo with Will the Real Solo Stand Up?

And is similar to Slim Shady though, isn't it?

Does he acknowledge the debt?

I don't know.

I'm not a big MMM expert.

Right.

But I much prefer that record.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, I don't know about you listeners, but I was watching the MTV Film Awards in the week.

Hard to miss.

I think they showed them pretty much every single night, didn't they?

Yeah.

Um, and they're always quite entertaining, aren't they?

The film awards, don't you reckon?

Yes, absolutely.

One of the most entertaining awards ceremonies there is, which isn't difficult.

Because they have a huge pileup of famous names there, presenting things and hosting and...

It was hosted by Mike Myers.

And he did some really pretty funny comedy skits.

And also they got Ben Stiller to do a funny skit as well.

Did you see that one?

I did, yeah.

That was pretty good.

Yeah, no, Mike Myers's things were great.

It was really funny.

What did you make of a Ben Stiller one?

Well, I liked it.

Yeah, you sound like you've got a little reservation in there.

I've got some Ben Stiller opinions, but I don't know whether they're suitable for broadcast.

Apparently he's quite a strange guy.

Apparently he's one of these kind of comedy scientists that is a tiny bit humorous about... I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but for instance, if you listen to the commentary on Zoolander, which is a brilliant film, it's like listening to a sort of PhD comedy student analyzing the exact details of his craft, which is fantastic, of course, but it's sometimes a bit surprising.

I think he's one of those people a little bit like Chavez, possibly, who plays a version of himself along on screen.

And pretty much everything you need to know about him.

You can just see from the characters he plays, he sort of takes one very tiny step to the left of himself.

And so he's quite a sort of intense, hung up guy, I think.

It was funny though, his sketch was funny.

It was very funny.

But did you catch Coldplay?

They were playing on there.

I did, yes.

And what was the song from Viva La Vida that they played?

Is it called Yes?

Is that the single?

Violet Hill.

There you go.

And it was wicked, they played blind-up, but they're all wearing costumes.

And is this something they always do co-play?

Do they always promote a new album by wearing a special look?

Well, specifically, they were wearing military uniforms.

And the cover of Vida La Vida is some kind of French Revolution imagery.

I'm not sure who the artist is.

I'm sure what listeners out there will know.

It's a very stirring bit of oil painting, with a lady raising the tricola flag, and a man with a blunderbuss.

and a naked dead person on the bottom left.

But it's all sort of glamorous and beautiful, and they were wearing similar uniforms.

That was the thing I found the most impressive about the performance, the uniforms.

I sat there thinking, oh, I'd like a jacket like that.

Right.

Because they all had bits of coloured material tied round the left arm or whatever.

Well, he's a big fan of that.

He loves tying things to rags.

Tying rags and rubber bands and stuff.

But it was a strange look because it wasn't entirely militaristic.

They weren't proper uniforms.

It was revolutionary, Adam.

Right.

But it looked a bit like... They're not in an army.

They're in a people's army.

Yeah.

But the look to me was sort of military business carnival wear.

What does that mean?

Well, exactly.

But it looked as if they'd just got some suit jackets.

So someone who works in the arms trade, in a suit, going to some kind of carnival.

Exactly.

A party at the end of the arms trade, when they had a big party at the end of the fair.

We've sold a lot of weapons today.

We're going to go to a carnival later on.

We've tied some funny kind of coloured things to our arms to have some fun at the carnival.

I don't know where these people are from.

But that's what they look like to me, you know?

And I was just wondering, like, how does... I wonder if every member of Coldplay is behind that kind of costume look.

Do you reckon?

Well, I don't know.

I think the drummer looks a bit annoyed at the whole thing.

Surely.

Who's the really tall guy?

Is that the drummer?

I think he... surely he can't be into it.

One of them has got to be groaning when Chris Martin comes in and goes,

Okay guys, for the new album, this is what we're going to look like.

Debbie, could you wheel in the suit please?

Yeah.

And guys, very important, I want you to remember to keep the coloured bit tied to your arms at all times.

Johnny, last time I noticed that one of your coloured bits slipped off and you didn't tie it back again.

Can you make sure that doesn't happen for Viva La Vida?

Thanks very much.

Because we're all on board, yeah?

We're going to the next level.

We're going to be the biggest band.

I mean, we've got biggest band in the world status within our reach, guys, OK?

So we can just mess it up now and not tie the coloured things to our arms, or we can all be a unit and really go for it.

You're a bit Eno fan, though, aren't you, Adam?

Absolutely.

We're both fans of Eno.

Are you going to buy that Coldplay album because of Eno?

uh well maybe he's he's done on it woven i might do might do yeah i'm always interested to see what he's up to and uh you know i like a little slice of cold play delicious little cold um play slice i'm into it but now i'm just curious to see and i'd like to see if they stick with the look as well i'd be very angry if they if they veer from the cost of revolution man things are going to change good that cold play album is going to change a lot of things in the world absolutely standby for major change in

Here's a trail.

BBC Six Music.

Sunday evenings on Six Music.

From Five.

Stuart McCony's Free Zone.

Dr. Praxis, who are from Belgium.

Jaz Prog Crossover.

Where's your stand?

It's not anyone's cup of tea, but I suppose it's all right.

At Eight.

The listeners.

Text-nation.

Text, text, text.

Text-nation.

What if I don't want to?

Text-nation.

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter.

Text.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

It's time for Text the Nation.

Now listen carefully because this is complicated.

This is the part of the show where we present you with a kind of a question and you have to text in your ideas for answers.

So you take your mobile phone and use the text function, write a verbal message and send it to 64046.

And then we get them here in the studio, they come on a screen.

And what happens next?

Oh man, I have no idea what... What?

I think we read them out.

Oh, right.

How?

This is going to be tricky, but we'll try and struggle through.

Text the Nation this week is on the subject of shops that suddenly change their names for no apparent reason.

Groovy rebranding.

Yeah.

We discovered during our holiday period that the record chain formerly known as Virgin, and we should stress there are many different outlets.

out there where you can purchase records.

But the virgin chain have recently turned into Zavi.

Yeah.

Do you know how to spell Zavi, Adam?

Z-8-V-I.

Z-8-V-I, correct.

With a little asterisk.

Now this happened very suddenly.

We've discussed it already, I think.

It took everybody by surprise.

And they haven't really explained the root of the name, or at least I didn't think they had, until someone last week told me that Savvy isn't the name of the man who owns it.

I thought it might be some mysterious foreign gentleman, or an acronym, maybe.

Yeah, but no, Savvy is apparently, and forgive us if we've got this wrong, this is merely hearsay, is a contemporary way to say the word Savvy.

It's a kind of groovy pronunciation and spelling of the word Savvy.

I'm really zevy about music.

I'll shop at zevy.

So the logic is already insane.

But if you take that logic and extrapolate it to other shops, we were thinking about what other shops would become.

We thought that PC World

uh... might suddenly overnight change into fallain what's that i don't know fallain fallain or i thought what would be better is because uh... savvy it is confusing why would it be why would virgin be savvy but i suppose you have to stick to the logic that uh... savvy is something that you might be about music so maybe the new word has to have something to do with the actual thing they're selling surely even though savviness could be applied to any merchandise couldn't this because i was thinking about uh...

for Boots, right?

You could have Wellfit.

That's good.

I have one for Boots.

Lurgis.

Yeah.

As in, got the Lurgis.

Yeah, but you don't want the name.

You don't want it to sound like a disease.

No, but it doesn't really.

It's Lurgis.

Right.

You don't make the connection.

I've got to credit our friend Zach for thinking up.

Most of these.

We thought PC World, if the lane's no good for you, it could be called Pooters.

Pooters is really good.

Pooters is good?

Yeah.

Hey, how about, and you spell it P-O-T-E-R-S.

Like Pooters?

Yeah.

I like that.

Pooters.

Pooters is a good... Should we go Pooters?

Bye Pooter.

How about this for a bank?

Yeah.

Doolix.

What's that got to do with money?

It's fondulix.

Oh nice, dulix.

Dulix?

How about this?

With an X. I like it, dulix.

How about this for Pretemandre?

Yeah.

The popular lunching chain.

Okay, Zach's first suggestion was pure venom.

It changed its name to pure venom.

I don't know where he got that from.

It's spelt P-U-R.

But then we thought, well, if it has to do something to deal with what they're selling, maybe it's called sandwich.

S-A-M-M-I-C-H.

That's good.

You know, there's a sandwich brand called Fugo, which always makes me cringe whenever I see it, because it's like food on the go.

F-O-O-C-O.

You see, if someone were to text that in for text donation this week, I would say that was too literal.

It's got to be slightly weirder than that.

I'm not quite sure what the criteria we're going to apply to these entries is.

It's going to be very abstract.

What possible criteria did they apply to Xavi?

We also thought that Ann Summers might be renamed Flej.

How are you spelling that?

F-L-E-H-J.

Or alternatively, if that doesn't float in the market sluts with a Z. S-L-U-T-Z.

That's good, so text us your suggestions right now for rebranding.

We need the chain you're rebranding.

Yeah, the name of the store and your new name for it.

And perhaps a little explanatory logic if you have the time.

64046 is the text number we look forward to receiving them.

It's Morrissey time.

This is Morrissey.

Hello.

That's Harry Guitar.

Yes.

This is my new single.

Hello, I'm Morrissey.

This is my new single.

It's all you need is me.

Hope you like it.

That's Morrissey with All You Need Is Me.

Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music, and it's still a lovely day.

It's looking good.

Forecast anyone?

Anyone got forecast?

In London raining.

Oh shut up.

Will you?

Seriously?

Is it gonna rain again?

I don't believe it.

Remember my Glastonbury pledge?

Yeah, if it rains, there's no more festivals.

No, I'm renouncing all the religion.

Oh, that's right, you're giving up.

If it rains at Glastonbury, I'm taking it as proof that there is no charity.

There you go, that's exciting.

Because it's just cruel.

We're allowed to tell people that we're at Glastonbury, right?

We're going to be doing our show live from Glastonbury this year.

That's in about three weeks' time.

I should take this opportunity, listeners, to apologise for our rather erratic schedule

Over the coming weeks, we're sort of coming and going a little bit.

For example, next weekend we're going to be away, but then we're going to be back.

It's just a lot of stuff happening over the summer for us, but we are being ably-deped by all kinds of geniuses.

Thank you so much to John Richardson for looking after our show while we were away, and also to Alan Carr.

He did a great job as well, and a combination thereof will be with you while we're away, but we'll tell you about that in coming weeks.

But we're excited about coming live from Glastonbury.

Yes, it's going to be fantastic.

We're going to go up there on the Thursday night, and then we're going to spend all of Friday wandering around the site, talking to people.

So if you're going to be... I'm going to spend most of Friday sleeping with fans.

Are you?

Excellent.

What, just keeping yourself cool there?

Or you need humans?

Yeah, no, I don't think there are any.

are any fans.

And I certainly wouldn't do that.

So yeah, if you're at Glastonbury, look out for us.

We'll be wandering around looking confused with the microphone.

I might set up a Doctor Sexy tent.

That's a good idea.

Do you think a kind of next to the, what do they call the medical people there?

Doctors?

The healers, you're next to the healers.

I'll do a particular type of healing.

That's the healing, that's a good idea.

I could be your assistant, Dr. Buckles.

Yes.

I might dress as Dr. Buckles tonight for my gig at the Hundred Club.

What does Dr. Buckles wear?

I brought it along with me, I'll show you.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but I pulled it out of the wardrobe this morning.

He's got medical green ER scrubs, look at that.

I got the ER logo on the pocket.

When I was on my honeymoon in 2001, when we were in LA, I went to the shop and they had these scrubs from ER and I love ER.

So I bought that because I thought, not only do I love ER, but that's a cool top.

I'm going to wear that seriously.

Are you going to do a medical routine?

No.

Just wear it?

Just wear it.

What do you think?

Is that a bad idea?

It's like a child turning up dressed as a policeman at school, just because it's fun.

This is all I've got.

I've got none in the world.

I've got nothing else.

No, for emceeing tonight.

That's good.

People pay good money to see an average-looking man in a green short-sleeved shirt.

They'll really feel they've got their money's worth.

Yeah, but it says property of ER on it.

And I was thinking I would call myself Dr. Buckles.

And then it would all tie in.

Thank God I'm not coming.

It's going to be a great gig folks, don't worry if you are coming.

Let's have some music now, in a second we're going to get to some of your texts for text the nation.

Don't forget the text the nation premise this week is new names for shops in the way that the virgin chain suddenly turned into Xavi.

Can you think of any bizarre names that you would change existing stores into?

So yes, keep your texts coming in.

It's time now for a free play.

This is a track from the new Sparks album.

Did you happen to catch Sparks on a culture show in the week?

I missed it.

They were doing a great job there, and they're right in the middle still, aren't they?

Are they still playing all their albums in succession?

I think there's still a few more nights to go there.

Excuse me, a little bit of a cough there for you coughing fans.

But this is a track from, what's the name of the album?

Exotic Creatures of the Deep.

And it's called Photoshop.

Now, how do you feel about it when bands write very on-the-nose songs about modern bits of technology?

I mean, Photoshop's been around for years, of course, but still, it's a very modern song.

I'm excited.

Is it actually about Photoshop?

A song.

Well, it's using Photoshop as a metaphor.

Are we going to have another chiclet issue?

No, we're not.

They're much more specific about it than they are.

They stick to the theme.

Give you my opinion.

But I hope you enjoyed this.

This is Sparks.

me out of your life this is your push up me out of your life

Wow.

Some British tears.

It's quite a journey, isn't it?

That's amazing.

That's like some kind of Western musical.

Yes.

Tim Burton should do a film of that.

Well, they're very much like that, aren't they, the male brothers?

That was Sparks with Photoshop.

This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.

It's almost time for the news at half past ten, but before that we're going to snip in maybe a couple of

tiny little bits of text donation, we're asking you to send us ideas for possible rebranded shop names.

Yeah, we were talking about Virgin suddenly turning itself into Xavi for no apparent reason.

Simon in Birmingham kicks things off in very confident style by suggesting that W.H.

Smith, the popular magazine vending chain, should just become zines

That's a very good idea.

Yeah, that's quite literal, because of course it's the end of magazines.

He might have put an extra twist on that, Simon, just like Marko from London did, where he says Halfords would be rebranded as Crannock.

Why?

And themed after the dead painter currently exhibiting in the Royal Academy.

That's quite obscure.

I like it, though.

That's the two sides of the coin, that one of them's too literal, the other one's too abstract, and the other one's somewhere in between.

So think about that while, is it time now?

Yeah, while you listen to the latest news.

Get a grip on yourself, will you please?

That's Stranglers.

This is Edmond Joe here on BBC6 Music.

We're right in the middle of... Text the Nation!

Text the Nation!

Text!

Text the Nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the Nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter.

Text!

And Text the Nation this week is all about rebranding popular shopping chains.

We noticed, as everyone has, that the Virgin chain has turned into Xavi, so we were asking for similar twisted

rebranding exercises and just to remind you the logic behind savvy apparently and I don't know whether this is true but I've heard is that it's just a contemporary way of saying the word savvy yeah so we're trying to apply that logic to other shops or we're asking you to Tom in Stockport has a suggestion Adam will you be the brand manager yes I'm going to pitch these name changes as brand manager you have to tell me whether you would apply yep these changes okay my name's Dan Brand

My assistant is Katie Brand, Russell Brand, Russell Brand.

Yeah, far away.

Okay, Gregs.

You heard of Gregs?

Gregs, yeah, sandwiches, that kind of thing.

Yeah, Tom in Stockport says, I want to rebrand Gregs as co-pastors, C-O apostrophe, P-A-S-T-I-Z-Z, all lower case, due to their tendency to sell savoury meat products at a temperature no higher than lukewarm.

So it's a shortening of cold pasties.

Oh.

Co-pastors.

What do you reckon on that?

Yes?

Oh yeah.

Quickly now, lots to get through.

Yes!

Okay, Gregs is now officially being called Co-pastors.

Co-pastors.

Well done, Tom.

Here's one from Holly in Bradford.

She wants Weight Watchers to be rebranded Chub Off.

Chub Off.

Well, I don't know about that one.

It's a bit derogatory, isn't it?

Is that from Holly?

Holly, yeah.

No, I don't think that's actually good.

She's got another one.

She wants Specsavers to be rebranded.

Biffs.

B-I-F-Z.

Bivz.

That's good.

I like the unsayableness of it.

What's bivz?

Like bifocals.

Oh, bivz.

Bivz.

That's quite good because you'd have to talk about that.

Wouldn't you Specsavers are turning to bivz?

And all of a sudden everyone's talking about Specsavers.

Well Specsavers, I mean they're on to a winner with exactly the name Specsavers anyway.

They've invested a lot of money in high profile advertising companies.

Should have gone to the bins.

It's something you won't be hearing.

So that's a no there for Holly.

Sorry Holly.

Back to the whiteboard.

An anonymous one just says McDonald's to Matty.

Matty?

Where were you?

It's not even Mickey's, it's Matty.

It's good as it sounds a bit like Patty.

I think that's good.

Let me see, McDonald's has changed its name some.

Matty.

Brilliant.

I mean that is... I'll go there again.

...demented.

OK.

John in Croydon says Holland and Barrett, the popular health food change, could be changed to Hollis-tival.

Hollis-tival.

Like, Hollis-tic.

Hollis-tival.

What?

Hollis-tival.

Hollis-tival?

That's good, isn't it?

No.

No, he's not going for that.

OK.

I mean, that's, you know, thanks for the text and everything.

Here's another, uh, idea for Greg's.

The famous, uh, pastry shop, I won't tell you how he describes the taste of the pastries, Greg's could go upmarket and change their name to pastiche.

Ooh.

There you see?

That's more sophisticated.

and it works on several levels.

Perhaps slightly adjusting their colour scheme from the wee wee yellow they currently use from Robert in Huddersfield.

Pastiche is nice as well because it's like they're sort of imitations of pasties.

Yes, exactly.

We're not, of course, suggesting that that's going through.

No, no, no, no.

But yeah, I like that one.

That's good.

That's going through.

Lorna from Sorry, how about changing the body shop to Withy's?

W H I double F Y apostrophe s with these I like with these actually popping into with these I think it's two derogatory is too obviously means smelly.

What about whiffs though?

Just w y f z. I still think it's two on the nose.

Really?

Yeah with I think it needs to be passed through another Confusoid process.

What about wives?

That's more like a plural of with

Here's one from Sean Manningtree.

Gap could become chasm.

Again, crazy spelling you need.

K-A-Z-M.

Yeah, he spelt it correctly.

Chasm.

I like that a lot.

Police stations generally, says Justin in Walthamstow, should be rebranded CRIMES.

C-R-Y-M-Z.

That is a very good idea.

Having trouble with the law?

Visit your local crime.

Get down to CRIMES.

Call CRIMES on 999.

discount on physical assault I Had an idea for Burton's the suit makers.

Yeah, you could call them Fred's Like thread.

Oh, but with an F. Yes Fred's so that's good said by a modern contemporary person Yeah, that's brilliant.

Well done.

Thank you approve of that one.

Here's one from a couple more We've got time for a couple more.

Yeah, Jason from West Yorkshire says Halfords should be changed to motor bit

What?

M-O-T-A-B-I-T-J.

Motabitch.

Come on, that's good.

Motor voyage.

Yeah, motor voyage.

You see, already we're having to think about it, and that's what people are after.

Yeah, neurons are forming in our brains.

Yeah, but savvy is a simple word to say, motor voyage.

Yeah, but we've had to think even harder, therefore creating more new neural networks.

Let's have one more before Fleet Foxes.

Pizza Hut.

Renamed, says David in Manchester, Stodging Top.

That is good, man.

He's got a couple more in there, but we'll come back to them.

Is this a free play?

Yeah, this is a very unimaginative free play.

It's our latest favourite album, the Fleet Foxes album.

When we were on before a couple of weeks ago, I played Ragged Wood or whatever the one was, but here's another fantastic one off of that album.

It's out this week, so you can go and buy it.

This is Fleet Foxes with Quiet Houses.

And we in the house again, once again It's the people, the people, the people, the people, the people, the people back again Live on 6 Music BBC, y'all

very good well done dilated people that was excellent for a live session wasn't it yeah i didn't even know it was live but they're famous for you know playing that kind of music live when i say that kind of music i mean hippity hop yeah yeah yeah that was amazing well done dilated people so i stand in awe are they still around

course they are yeah good good just checking a number of guys like dilated pupils what that's right only instead of pupils pupils oh I didn't even so you know yeah what does that then mean

In what way could people become dilated?

What is a dilated pupil?

Well, if it's wider.

So if someone gets fat, they're a dilated person, aren't they?

Really?

Yeah.

Just getting wider.

Are they a fat band?

Oh, I don't think so, no.

They're all slim and good-looking, aren't they?

I don't know, probably.

I think they are, yes.

What a stupid name, then.

They haven't built it through.

They've discussed me.

And do you know what?

That life session was awful.

I can still smell it.

We apologize for that, listeners.

This is great.

This is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music.

We were talking earlier about National Treasure 2.

It's just a small point.

It was written by The Wibblies.

The Wibblies.

W-I-B-L-E-Y-S.

The Wibblies.

It sounds like a CBBC cartoon.

The Wibleys?

Are they related to the Wiggles, I wonder?

Possibly, but they've gone to Hollywood and write screenplays.

The Wiggles, I think, wrote Indiana Jones and the Crystal Sky.

The Wiggles?

Oh, the Wiggles.

I'd like to see the Wibleys in a high-powered script meeting in Hollywood.

One of them's bright blue.

She's got tiny little arms and hair that's red springs.

Doin', doin' with you.

So, wibblies, we need a new national treasure film.

We need it in two minutes.

Can you do it?

I like it.

Green light.

Green lighting the next Wibblies project.

Cage will only do it if it's written by the Wibblies.

You get the idea.

The end of that.

They should work with Tom Cruise, the Wibblies.

They really should.

The problem with the Wibblies is they have trouble with punctuality.

Yeah.

Because their car, the wheels keep falling off their car.

It's open top, and one of the wheels is a hexagon, the other one's a square, one of them's a triangle, and one of them's a curvy line.

It's to teach kids shapes, but it's not very practical in terms of getting to meet it in the movie business.

Yeah.

No, that isn't.

That's something they've got to think about, the wibblies.

The wibblies.

We've got more text the nation and thoughts for you.

Oh, you know, Play Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed?

I mean, it is a classic song and everything, but it just seems like one of those songs that you can't really play anymore, because it's so...

But we wouldn't play Bohemian Rhapsody, would we?

We might do.

I think it's just been played out.

Yeah.

How many plays do you think it takes to play out a classic record?

I mean, how many times is Walk on the Wild Side?

Billions?

Are we into billions?

Do you think there should be a cut-off point?

All radio stations should keep a tally of how often they play a record.

And you'd have to... And there's just a national law that after a certain number of plays it gets thrown out.

How many plays would that be?

It would be like iTunes and you could see exactly how many times have you played all over the world.

How many times... I would say... Maybe this is the last play for this.

I would say six.

One billion.

A billion.

So it's a billion, a hundred million, or a million million?

It's a billion million.

It's a million million.

A million million.

I'm never quite sure, because... No, the thing is, because... Oh, I won't go down that, haven't you?

This is the last time this record's ever going to be played.

Yeah.

What have you written down there, Jude?

We could play Bentley with a mace instead.

Listen, I've got nothing against Walk on the Wildside.

It's a lovely song.

We've got to play it now.

We've teased it.

Here it is, Lou Reed with Walk on the Wildside.

I think I'm in love with the girl next door That's driving me crazy

It's text the nation time here on the Adam and Jo radio show on BBC six music Have you got anything to say about the mystery jets before we move on to text the nation?

I really enjoyed the Mystery Jets, sorry for that strange inhalation there, it went really badly.

But no, I like the Mystery Jets song, and they're quite posh, aren't they, the Mystery Jets, I think.

Is that a good thing?

Well, it's just a thing, you know, there's a whole wave of posh people doing things in the world.

Some of them are good posh people, some of them are evil.

Well, exactly.

You could say that we're part of that whole thing, couldn't you?

I don't know if it's a good thing or not a bad thing.

Well, you know there's a, we were just talking in the break about this piece for the Sunday Times that's coming out.

Is it the style section?

They're doing a piece about us and there's some photographs of us dressed strangely by Peru.

And I talked about it before.

And the journalist who was interviewing us was talking about class a great deal.

And I think he's got some theories about a kind of new wave of posse people.

It's a worrying thing, isn't it?

When you do an interview, listeners, you might have experienced this before.

When you do an interview and you don't know the spin that the journalist is going to put on it, what's going to be the headline?

It might just be idiot toffs or something like that.

So that's a well overdue headline for us, I would say.

Any headline is a good headline for us.

Yeah, no, it's nice to get the exposure.

I love exposure.

But very 80s, that mystery jet single.

Yeah.

You could be forgiven that we're living in the 80s right now.

Indiana Jones at the cinema.

That's right.

Mystery jets on the radio.

Beverly Hills cop coming back.

No.

Yes.

When's that happening?

Brett Ratner's directing one.

I didn't get that.

That's gonna be a stinker.

Yeah, the 80s all over again.

But anyway, takes the nation time, and this week we're asking you to send in your ideas for rebranded names for popular shopping chains, like what The Way Virgin turned into Xavi.

And Adam is being our brand manager today.

He's going to decide whether these new branding ideas can go through or not.

Let's kick off with an anonymous text.

Tesco becomes Bud Nunch.

Well, I like that very much.

Tesco sells more than buns, but bun munch, it captures the essence of it, bun munch, although a case.

Just going down to bun munch.

It's a good guy.

One thing I would say, I mean, not to obsess about Greggs, but that might be a better one for Greggs.

For Greggs?

Well, I think it's too sp... too sp... on the nose for Greggs.

Well, Greggs are more involved with pastries, I would say.

Tesco's sell all kinds of different things.

Yeah, but that's what's good about it.

What, the buns and the munching?

Yep.

Is that going through?

Is it going through?

Well done anonymous texter.

Tesco will be there as bun munch from Monday.

Cheryl from Surrey says hi Argos could be called loads of things.

Or one word.

Loads of things.

That's how kids talk.

Like a, what's his name?

George Lamb kind of an email.

We'll forward that to him.

Loads of things.

I like it.

Here is another correctional one from Des.

You can't call PC World Pooters, we were suggesting that earlier, as it's American slang for ladies' parts.

What?

I'm just making that comment.

If you're an American listener, you might have been insulted by that word.

Hooters.

Yeah.

Is it really?

Apparently.

Never heard that before.

Are you sure he's not making it up?

He says it sounds like a version of Hooters where all the waitresses have massive genitalia.

That is completely wrong.

Hooters is the American bar chain where the ladies have, they're well endowed in the chest wall area.

I know, but that's what he's saying.

It sounds like a version of it.

That's not genitalia, that's your breasts.

I don't have any breasts.

I'm talking about ladies, I'm confused.

It makes perfect sense to me, Des.

OK, here's another one from Sam in Sussex.

A cinema could become sappix, as in sappik.

I don't know.

Let's skip over.

You read these before you read them out.

I just like the ones that are completely abstract.

Were you just dancing around during mystery jets?

Adam and Jo's Starbucks could be called Cylons.

Cylons?

Yeah, after Battlestar Galactica.

Oh, I see, Starbuck.

That is very different.

That was quite good.

Cylons.

We got one from Andrew Collins.

He suggested Quaffy, spelt with a Q or a K. For what?

Q-F-Y.

For what store?

For Starbucks or for a coffee chain.

Yeah, that's good.

A waffy.

A little bit on the nose, I'd say, Andrew Collins.

No, but I like that's what it's all about.

You've got to have the meaning in a little bit.

Yeah, because it's Andrew Collins.

No, but what's that?

No, because it's on message.

What was the one that you had for the very first one that you and Zach came up with?

Where's it gone?

For like, felons or something.

What was it?

Filand.

Yeah.

But that's the point, you see.

The point is, Virgin became savvy, and that's a corruption of the word savvy.

Yeah.

And that is not a word that one immediately associates with records and DVDs.

Okay, alright.

So there isn't, it must not be on the nose, in my mind.

Well, in my mind.

As the brand manager, I disagree with you.

And that's true, you've got the power.

Absolutely.

Let me try and find a good one.

Would you like us to play some Dexy's Midnight Runners and then come back?

Here's the Celtic Soul Brothers from Dexy's Midnight Runners.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Celtic Soul Brothers and his strong devotion.

Thank you.

The brilliant Texas Midnight Runners with the Celtic Soul Brothers.

I just said they were brilliant in case anyone didn't know.

In case anyone thought they were rubbish.

Yeah.

Just a quick reminder.

Yeah, exactly.

It's always good to be clear about these things.

So we had a little problem there during Text the Nation.

There was some confusion.

And so I swapped over the text reading duties to Adam Buxton.

He usually just sits there like a big lazy man in his big reclining chair.

Like a big hairy lump.

occasionally going exactly, or just giggling or snorting to myself.

So now the roles are reversed.

I'm going to be the brand manager.

Joe's the brand manager.

I'm doing the pitching on behalf of our clientele and our listeners.

And of course, just to remind you, this is new names for shopping chains like what Virgin turned into Xavi.

Andy in Oxford says, pizza express could become dough.

Exclamation mark like it very Simpsons that yeah, but that's good though.

I mean, you know, you can't hurt tapping into the Simpsons market Yeah, two on the nose for me though doe.

Yeah genius Andy I like that one man Thomas cook says Jack in Bristol could become the the moose No, like VR M double-o Z The moose the moose like get out of here.

Yeah, that's good.

That is a good one.

That's going.

That's approved.

Cat and Nick in London say Argos.

Argos is a popular one.

Lots of people are thinking of different names for Argos.

They say Argos could become Nuff stuff.

Nuff stuff?

Nuff stuff.

You know?

Because they got a lot of stuff.

I like that a lot.

That is good.

Approved.

And lots of F's in there.

Double F and then double F of stuff.

Very good.

Here's a couple of suggestions.

from Jesse in Shrewsbury, hello A and J, KFC could be just rebranded as YUK.

That's going through.

And she goes a step further saying that Zavi could now be rebranded, I like this one, as Vargon.

too long.

Quickly change it to Valkon.

Rebrand, like for another rebrand.

Valkon.

But they only rebrand the outside of the shop, they keep Xavi on the price stickers.

Valkon.

Welcome to Valkon.

Did you find everything you were looking for?

That's a very good one, thanks Jesse.

Alison in Newkey

and Danny suggest mother care could become Maita Paitatosh.

That's quite posh.

That is posh.

Made to paint a tosh.

But Mother Care's kind of a posh shop.

It's long, but Mother Care's already a long name.

Made to paint a tosh.

I like that one.

And maybe, you know, maybe just branches in Kensington and stuff could be brand.

Right.

Because maybe some people in Kensington would think, oh Mother Care, I'm not going there.

All sorts of mothers go there.

It's terribly down market.

I'm going to go to meet Peter Tarshan's head by the map is there.

That's what they would say.

Also, she suggests, um, where have we got here?

I don't really understand this one.

Monsoon.

They suggest soon monsters.

Monsoon is like lady dress clothes in a shop, isn't it?

Oh, maybe they're implying that people who shop there will soon be monsters.

Because of the way they look.

I don't really understand that.

I quite like that one.

I don't understand.

Soon monsters.

Just the words soon and monsters.

Yeah, I like that.

They're a better name for an album maybe, I don't know.

I've never heard of Bright Witch, is that a real place?

Excuse my ignorance.

She's just, again, renaming Argos to Blong, which is the opposite of Bling.

That's good.

Blong.

That's a very good idea.

Or lower case?

Yeah.

We need some accents or some umlauts or something on some of these.

Yeah, there's no accents, unfortunately.

It's a lot of Zeds around, but Zeds is good.

Here's one more before we play another bit of music.

Are we going to wrap this up?

Let's play one more, and we'll take a view on that during the record.

Okay, here's one more.

Adam in Brighton says the new name for Woolworths could be Shepatat.

nice shabby tat again a little bit on the nose maybe that's nice it sounds a little bit like shaba which is a good name another george lamb suitable text right shabita wicked that's brilliant keep those texts coming in even though we may never read them

We will read them.

We might not read them out, is the thing.

Right now, here's a free play for you listeners.

This is from the new Breeders album, which is great.

It's just wonderful when a band that you love takes a long break, but then comes back with something really, really good.

Do you know what I'm saying?

And it's been a long time since, as you know, Title TK came out only about four years ago, didn't it?

Anyway, they're not that prolific, but when they're good, they're very good.

And this is one of the most lovely tracks from their new album, which is called Mountain Battles.

And it reminds me of the Shirelles or a girl band, like one of those wonderful girl bands from the 60s.

This is called Night of Joy.

That was the Breeders with Night of Joy from their latest album, Mountain Battles, which I really recommend, if you're on the fence about the Breeders.

Get off and go and get the album, called The Wicked.

Yeah?

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

Should we wrap up texting?

The problem is that we've still got a lot of good texts coming in for texting.

Should we give it a break?

Oh, we don't have to be definitive.

We could read a couple more hours.

No, we do have to be definitive.

Do we?

Do we have to be definitive?

Uh, no then.

Let's not wrap it up.

Right, okay, we'll leave it.

But you could read some more out if you wanted.

You're ruining the definition.

Okay, here's a couple more for you folks.

This is Texanation, and we're asking people to think of new ways that shops could be rebranded, Xavi-style.

Paddy in Leeds says, games workshop could simply become nerds.

With a Zed.

As a kind of call to arms for the clientele.

Well, that's obviously cleverly satirical, but it might put off

Customers who don't want to be labeled as nerds.

It's a little nerdist, isn't it?

Yeah.

I think you want to be more oblique with that.

Like gnomes with a Z. Gnomes.

Or something.

Yeah.

Or, I don't know.

Gonks.

Yeah.

That would be good for Games Workshop.

Let's see, here's another one.

Kev from Sudbury says Oxfam could become the ozone to capture the young audience.

I like it.

That was a program called The Ozone, wasn't there?

Yes, with Jamie Thiksdon.

That's another good text donation, you know.

I'll explain later.

Okay.

He also says...

that Oxfam could also just be wavity.

Like charity, but cooler.

Is that cool?

To mispronounce words by losing the first couple of syllables and replacing them with a W. But transforming charity to wavity is very rare.

Giving it to wavity, man.

For wavity, yeah.

For wavity, what's your problem with that?

Thanks though, Kev.

And here's one more from

This is quite bizarre.

This one is from Scott, who's in Burton on Trent.

Marmite City, he says.

I don't know what that means.

The same is known as Marmite City.

Yeah, like New York's the Big Apple.

Is it really?

No.

You see, I fell for that.

I'm such a thick git.

Marmite City.

I thought everyone knows it.

It's called Marmite City, except me.

It's made fair.

It's a Marmite factory, I think it is.

What?

Is that true?

Yeah, I think it is.

They must have a lot of problem with cats and stray cats and dogs.

Better smells.

Wow.

A lot of yeast in the air.

Absolutely.

Sorry, I'm just thinking yeast in the air now.

Scott says, Sainsbury's could become fodgathers.

I like that, like gathering food.

Yeah, like gathering food, but looking out for you while you do it.

Godfather style.

What?

So you could pronounce it fodgarthas.

Fodgarthas.

Because they're garthling food.

That's good because then you'd need one of those accents over the A. Like what's it called?

Just the straight horizontal line?

Ah, you know what I mean?

Like a tilde or an uma.

Is it called an uma?

It's called an Oprah.

Is it called an Oprah?

I thought it's called a fatado.

Isn't it?

It's an Imbruglia.

Oh, of course.

I think it's a south-facing Imbruglia.

South-facing.

It's your trail time.

In Euro 2008, I'm going to put, um... To a republic with Dutch.

Simply because they play fantastic, putting their power on the ground.

Pure Liverpool.

Oops.

They like her, they favour a little bit of random noise at the end of some of their tracks.

That was the International Language of Screaming, and this is Adam and Joe here on Six Music.

We're going to remind you about our competition again.

Yeah, we've got a fantastic competition.

If you were listening earlier, then this won't be news to you.

But if you've just tuned in, it'll be possibly the most exciting news you've heard in the last 15 to 10 seconds.

Although if you're listening again, you will get so angry here that you'll want to go out and punch someone.

That's OK.

As it's not.

We've got a competition to make a video.

We've put two of our early songball songs, James Brain, a fantastic song by Adam about the inside of a lady's brain, and Meatballs, The Meatball Song, which is a tune whose lyrics are Ikea's meatballs cooking instructions.

We've put both those songs on the BBC Six music website, and we'd like you to choose one of them and make a video for it, and upload it to the website, correct?

and the amazing prize is to come down to London or come to the studio if you're already in London.

Sit in on the show with us.

We will do things to you that you will not believe.

There's a video of us describing this whole process that you can see on the Six Music website and it's about five minutes.

I haven't actually seen the finished thing.

We rambled away a couple of weeks ago.

Is it any good?

Very funny.

If I was doing it, I would choose my song, because I think it's the better of the two.

And would you, what kind of visual style would you choose?

I would do an amazing parody of a cooking show, making meatballs.

I would have a sidekick who would be a little man that was made out of meatballs, and it would have some innuendo in it.

And then at the end it would pan down to my balls, and they would be made of meat.

Yeah, the meatballs.

Little meatballs.

Um, and, uh, I'm now thinking of something about, uh, somebody having a nibble.

No, I'm saying that I've got a tomato sauce on them.

What are you worried about, Jude?

I'm talking about meatballs.

I don't know what you're thinking about, Jude, but you have got your mind firmly in the toilet, and I'd like you to get it out of there.

because this is a family show and I don't even know you're adding all kinds of layers of innuendo are not welcome you know this isn't the Alan Carr show I don't know what you when Adam and I say balls we mean meatballs

I was trying to get away from that whole area, Joe.

I was just trying to... lay down the wall law.

Anyway, that's what I... so that's what I do, and I'd upload it, and I'd win the competition.

Yeah, I mean, meet myself.

I mean, that sounds like a big production number, though.

A simpler thing to do.

No, it's all one take, and I filmed it on my... I filmed it on my camera phone.

That's very much, because I know I don't care about textbooks.

Exactly.

What about, could you even just do a lip-syncing thing?

Yes.

That's acceptable.

Yes.

Is absolutely anything acceptable.

And I think everything will be viewed.

Except we don't want to encourage you to send in anything revolting or illegal or... Unless you're very attractive in the graphic.

No.

What?

Look at James.

And Jeff Paul and face.

judging the competition have fallen judging the competition will be Adam Buxton Joe Cornish and the Big Shot film director Garth Jennings who's a close friend of the show and song wars and maids son of Rambo and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy so if you're good he might hook you up with a Hollywood deal absolutely he won't go and check out the six music website for all the details you could possibly need here is Calvin Harris no news is Calvin Harris reading the news

on digital radio and online BBC six music Tory chairman responds to expensive allegations

That's The Stripples, white stripes with the there's no home for you here.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

Now the last time we were on air about three weeks ago, we had a really good time listening to some of your jubinilla that you sent us in.

A jubinilla of course being works of art that you created as a youngster, which we asked you to contribute to the show and we got some amazing stuff.

Yeah, kind of childhood pop culture imitations, you know, when you try and write a book or make a film or put on a play as a child, and it gives you a weird kind of juvenile take on the pop culture of the time.

And in fact, we got a load more through in the intervening weeks, some of which we'd like to share with you, and we thought maybe this could even become a semi-regular feature, a little corner, to the extent that I made a jingle joke.

Did you?

Yeah, I did.

Oh, how exciting!

I'd done a jingle, I'd done a couple of jingles.

No!

Because, but both of them I think may be unusable.

Let's hear them.

Well, the thing is that one of them features my young son, Natty.

Sounds good.

Three years old, so I thought, you know, perfect.

Perfect.

But the problem is, it's a little nauseating for some people to hear other people's children being used in kind of a cutesy way.

I'll be the judge of that.

So let's play Natty's one.

Actually, no, maybe I should play the other one first, because I did a version of me singing so you could kind of hear the words of the jingle in a kind of strange voice, but then after I'd done it, I thought, it sounds like a kind of dangerous criminal's escape.

Right.

Anyway, listen to the first one.

This is my one.

I like it, yeah.

Are we gonna get the same song sung by Nat now?

Well, a similar version, okay.

Let's see that.

Can you?

That's good.

He only used the second one.

He sounds like he might kill one day.

Yeah, well he's in his video game phase at the moment.

Ah, that's lovely.

I think we should definitely go with the second one.

So it's a regular section of the show.

How exciting.

It's too vanilla.

It's your sort of pop cultural inventions that you did as a kid.

And if you were listening, that was really good Adam.

Well done.

Seriously.

Thanks man.

Very good.

Thanks Natty.

Thank you Natty.

Superb work.

You might remember if you were listening a few weeks ago, we had a

homemade magazine that a gentleman called Leon Trigg made about Arnold Spotsomega when he was, I don't know how old, but if he was anything over 13 then he was in serious trouble.

It's done beautifully on an Amstrad PC-1592, is that what it was called?

Do you remember those old Amstrad word processors?

That's how Alan Sugar made his fortune.

That's right.

It is, I don't know.

But anyways, it's very evocative to look at it and there's a letters page and obviously Leon has written both the questions and the answers

to the questions he's replying to.

Does that make sense?

Yes.

We read some of them out a few weeks ago, but I didn't really communicate the full amazingness of them.

So here is the Schwarzenegger magazine question page.

Question one is, dear Leon, is it true that Arnold asked if he... Is it true that Arnold asked if he could have a part in a film, but the other person said, capitals, no way!

A reject like you wouldn't get anywhere in acting!

Here's the answer.

He's one of Leon's questions and answers.

Uh, dear Leon, has Arnold ever had any problems because his muscles are too big?

Yes, he once had to write with his arms straight, because he couldn't bend his arms because his biceps were so big.

Imagine, asked and answered by Leon, by Leon.

And find the final question which makes me laugh is, dear Leon, I've heard many rumours that your parents have seen Arnold.

Is this true?

If so, how did they get to see him?

Yes, it is true.

They didn't only speak to Arnold, but they also spoke to everybody in Miss Olympia because they went to the Miss Olympia show in Madison Square Gardens in New York to see if Corey Everson would win for the fourth time, and she did.

Right.

So you can't read anything.

Oh, that's a shame.

And we can't actually make them bigger.

We can't put a PDF up there or something?

No, because the BBC have an official size.

Right.

For all their images, which renders them illegible.

Nice work, Castle.

That's like Euromad with you.

Yeah, so we're trying to get that changed.

I don't know, all sorts of red tape to battle through.

Maybe we should try and put it up on one of our blogs.

Maybe we should.

Well, there we go.

OK, I'll try and stick that on my Adam... Adam-Buster.com in the UK.

But do check out that two Vanillia section of our website.

Here's a couple more.

This is from Ryan O'Neill.

Right, his name is actually Ryan O'Neill.

He works in technology integration.

Not the same one then.

Don't think so.

He says, I know you were talking about self-published books and magazines and poems and stuff, but I did something maybe even a bit weirder than that.

I used to put on a TV show called The Good Guy Ryan Show.

It was by no means actually televised or recorded in any way whatsoever, or watched or viewed by anyone.

It was just in Ryan's head.

Hey, you did that as well, didn't you?

I had a whole channel, mate.

It wasn't just a show.

So I feel particular affinity with this email.

Ryan goes on to say it was just me jumping around in my house, acting out this fairly detailed TV series.

I played the main character Good Guy Ryan, as well as his nemesis and evil twin, Bad Guy Ryan.

The plot was that Good Guy Ryan had crashed landed his spaceship hundreds of years in the past, while pursuing Bad Guy Ryan in the future for crimes of some sort for some reason.

So he's crash landed his ship in the past and its timed circuits are broken, but the thing can still fly around.

Most of the episodes consisted of Good Guy Ryan flying all over the world in search of parts he needed to fix the time thingy.

Anyway, the best bit about this is Ryan saying, I remember quite vividly, I would act out these TV shows a series at a time, each one with a last episode and a cliffhanger.

At the beginning of an end of every single episode, I would hum the theme tune, which was the theme tune from Mindr.

Only all electric guitar!

I love that you just used the theme tune from Mindr for a completely unrelated program.

I could be so good for you.

Yes, good guy Ryan, isn't it?

I could be so good, Guy Ryan.

For continuity, the spaceship interior mimicked a 1990s household.

This explained the fact that the wardrobe door handles were actually navigation pedals, and the bay window in the living room was a laser cannon aiming pod thingy.

That's a good idea, man.

That's almost the plot for the video game Pikmin.

Is it?

Yeah, he crashes his ship and you have to go around trying to find bits for the ship to get it going again.

Here's one from Vicky Harper.

She says, this isn't a poem, but it's a song me and my two sisters wrote when we were about eight.

My sister had the idea of having the present money club, known as the PM Club.

The idea being that we would meet weekly, put in some of our pocket money, and discuss what presents we would buy throughout the year.

At the end of each meeting we would sing a song to the tune of Greensleeves.

The PM Club has finished now, has finished now, has finished now.

Our money in our little tin, we must say goodbye.

I've lost the tune.

Oh dear.

Anyway, it's a fairly tragic song.

The lyrics end, We raise money for birthdays in the year, Christmas and birthday, that is what we do.

Sad to say, the PM Club folded after about three meetings.

There were only five birthdays to discuss.

But to this day, being in the PM Club is our euphemism for being premenstrual.

Very nice.

Hey, incidentally, last time we were talking about Stephen.

Yes.

And have you seen that thing on YouTube that someone's done?

Somebody's made a really quite cleverly made trailer.

It's great.

Check it out.

What's that guy's name?

We don't know.

Nigel.

Thank you, Nigel.

We saw that and it was well wicked.

Here's another slightly questionable one, this is from Dan Lett.

He says, when I was a kid I was a big fan of Judge Dredd, the futuristic policeman who starred in the popular science fiction comic 2000 AD.

When I was 12 I decided to write and draw my own comic strip in a similar style.

For reasons I still don't understand, I said it in Jamaica, and the lead character was a black policeman called Judge Dredd.

I rediscovered my comic several years ago and was horrified to find that it was riddled with racist stereotypes and slurs.

Judge Fred was lazy, stupid and shambolic.

I'd written all the dialogue in a grotesque 12-year-old's interpretation of patois and having little idea of what Jamaicans actually looked like.

I had literally filled the background of every frame with palm trees, coconuts and cans of lilt.

I'm just grateful no one outside my immediate family ever saw it.

In a bizarre twist of fate, I'm currently editing an academic book on racism.

And he's a PhD candidate at the Department of Sociology at the University of Victoria.

I thought you were going to say, in a bizarre twist of fate, I'm currently the Prime Minister of England.

Thank you very much for all your juvenilea.

That's a possibly semi-regular feature here on the Adam and Joseph show.

How possibly semi is it now?

Well, I don't know.

We don't want to tire ourselves doing it right.

It's happening every week.

Might drive us insane.

That jingle alone would make us go mental.

But now, here's another exciting trail about the imminent arrival of Lauren Laverne here at the Big British Castle.

Lauren Laverne on Superpowers.

That was Black Kids with Hurricane Jane and this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

Can I read you one more juvenile thing?

Yes please.

This is our brand new segment that's sprawling all over the place of weird stuff you did as a kid.

It's going slightly off topic this because

I know, I suppose it's on topic, it's a game that somebody made.

Did you ever design board games as a kid?

I must have done, they can't even be very good.

I certainly did, I have to think hard to remember what it was.

But it's a phase most people go through, you know, you get obsessed with board games, you try and make your own one, you know.

A listener called Andrew from Sheffield said, I listened again to last week's show, thought you'd be interested in something my brother made as a child.

It was not literally a game.

What?

It was not literally but a game.

And it was a game called peg pain.

In this game, you had to put as many pegs as possible on various body parts, e.g.

ears, nose, etc., until the pain was too much.

The etc.

I'm worried about.

I don't remember the rules, or even if there were any, but he constructed a box and made it into a proper board game.

Peg!

I think it would probably mark it today.

I think it would, but I think it would be on sale for the jackass generation in Ann Summers, which is now, of course, called Sluts.

Of Pledge.

But keep those coming in.

If you've got, you know, books you wrote as a child, I sent some stuff to Jude, I sent some stuff that I'd made

that I think will go up on the website.

I've sent a copy of my thriller I wrote as a very young kid, called The Silicone Factor.

I meant to call it The Silicon Factor, but I spelt it with an E, silicone, and it's a kind of Frederick Forsyth-style political thriller written by an 11-year-old.

What's The Silicon Factor?

It's just bad.

It's about something about oil.

But it's amazing.

It's the worst political thriller ever written.

How long is it?

It stops on page 36 due to author boredom.

Well we're going to read that out surely.

It starts with a whole section about Russia copied from the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Just to, you know, I'll please bring that in next time.

I will bring it in.

Because I'd like to read a bit of it out on the air.

Well, that's pretty much it for our show, listeners.

Thank you very much indeed for emailing us and texting us this week.

I really appreciate it.

Don't forget our amazing competition.

Check out the Adam and Jo's section of the BBC 6 Music website for details.

And we have Liz Kershaw.

She is ready to go.

She's going to be joining you in just a second, so stick with us here at Six Music.

And we're going to play out with a final free play.

This is from a soundtrack of a film called Over the Edge, which has just come out on DVD for the first time ever in the UK.

It's one of my favorite films ever.

It's about kids who go mad and smash up their school in a very meaningful and ethical way.

Yeah?

Yeah.

But it's brilliant.

Over the Edge.

And this is a song from the soundtrack.

We'll see you next week.

We won't, unfortunately, no.

We'll see you the week after next.

Apologies for sort of coming and going like some kind of very bad boyfriend-stroke-girlfriend.

But, you know, it's the summer.

That's enough of an excuse.

We'll see you the week after next.

Until then, this is Cheap Trick with surrender.

adam_and_joe_20080607_bad_quality