The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam And Joe (12 April 2008)

Hmm.

It's a nice jazzy chord that he ended there with.

Don't you think?

It's like walking into a Wild West saloon.

What?

That's record.

Why?

Because of all the plinky-plonking- Yeah.

Yeah.

That was Benfold 5, incidentally, with Army.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

I'm Adam.

Hello, I'm Joe.

Changing your headphones there.

Yeah, they didn't work the first ones.

That's better.

I've got some headphone problems as well, actually.

Good morning, listeners.

We hope you're having a lovely Saturday morning so far.

It's only just started, so if something's gone really wrong, don't worry about it too much.

Really?

What if they've fallen over and broken their legs?

Don't worry about it too much.

Oh yeah.

Just grin and bear it.

That's a good idea.

Gobble to the breakfast table and have some brekkie.

With broken legs?

Broken-leg brekkie.

When would they go to the hospital around about?

Just don't.

really just get over it just greet your teeth and get over it don't be a wussy green and bear it yeah why not go and see the new mckenzie crook film why not go and see uh twice not out or whatever it's called three times not out or just get some of that new age medicine and rub it on your legs yeah get someone to wave some seaweed over them

Yeah, they'll soon fix.

Or listen, you could do some homemade acupuncture.

All you need is some safety pins.

Just pop a couple in your, in the broken legs.

Or get Dr. Buckles to come round and reset them.

Dr. Buckles will do it.

I've got gaffer tape.

What's the big problem?

He can gaffer the legs up.

I can gaffer them up.

It's fine.

I can use, you know, lolly sticks.

So I've got an embarrassing confession to make, listeners.

Already?

Yeah, I've had to call off Song Wars this week.

I thought we should get this out in the open earlier rather than later.

Because I just went off on holiday.

You had a mini break, didn't you?

I had a mini break.

And I emailed Adam and said, look, let's just not do Song Wars, because I'm off on Hollygolds.

Wins an award, and then he goes on a mini break.

Complacency.

It's laurel resting.

Yeah.

So it's all my fault.

Is it?

Have you done some things anyway?

Well, I did a thing anyway, but it's a bit, it's a bit nuts.

That's nuts is good.

Anything's good.

Uh, so, you know, it's a kind of a, like a chocolate bar start.

So there we go.

We'll be, you'll be unveiling your thing later.

Mightn't be unveiling the thing.

Yeah.

Plus great music, of course.

Text the nation is, is present and correct as usual.

But before we get into all that, let's have some more music.

Is this an acronym SIA or is this SIA?

SIA.

Sia I should have known that she's been around for a while now, but this is the girl you lost That's Sia with the girl you lost her voice was going all over the place there.

She's she's got a very good one Singles released on the 21st of April and she's playing at the craw daddy in Dublin tonight So if you're in Dublin and you like the sound of that you can get on down to that get on down to the craw dad and

Have you seen the advert with Andy McDowell's stick in it?

Where she rubs the stuff on her faces.

Yeah, it's for Revitalift Deep Set Wrinkle Cream.

I have seen that.

And I just like the way she talks about it.

She says, there are some wrinkles that age you more than others that are noticeable even from a distance.

Oh, no.

I call them my life storylines.

And so, because the whole thing is about her being a famous film actress, yes.

So it is revealed that she has little euphemistic names for all her physical blemishes, which are a little bit like film terms.

You see?

Does she talk about more than one of them in the advert, or are you just extrapolating?

I'm extrapolating, yeah.

From that one one.

Yeah, I would think because she is, you know, she's a famous film lady.

My life story lives.

My life, they're not wrinkles!

They're not wrinkles!

They're my life story lives!

Go on, then.

What else have you come up with?

I haven't come up with that much.

I was hoping you might be able to help me, because you're Dr. Films.

You know all about film things.

That's true.

And, you know, you know all the terminology and the lingo.

Yeah, but that's not the title of a film.

But I was thinking... Oh, life storylines.

Like, you mean that might be a phrase that a casting agent might use when casting her.

She has fantastic life storylines.

Well, I was thinking, you know, a storyline, right?

That's just a very basic movie term.

Oh, I get you.

You see?

So she's kind of incorporating it.

They're my life storylines.

Well, I can think of some connotations for first draft.

If maybe she's a bit windy.

I was thinking like, maybe, from now on I'm gonna call my fat tummy my MacGuffin.

That's a good idea, you know?

Yeah.

I don't call my, sometimes I have fatness blemishes that can be seen from a distance.

I like to call them my MacGuffins.

That's good.

I mean, unfortunately, she could advertise windies as well.

Windies, right?

The first draft can be embarrassing.

Sometimes the second draft empties the room.

You need windies.

You have to persevere.

Don't be upset if the first draft upsets everybody.

That's possible.

Just try again.

Have you ever referred to your wrinkles?

I mean, you worried about deep-set wrinkles there?

Uh, I've got a couple by my eye.

You need some Revitalift, uh... Maybe.

Maybe, or, or, or some Andy McDowell stick, uh, to sort you out.

Young Knives?

Yeah, now I chose this one for you listeners.

This is the Young Knives, and this is track one from their new album, Super Abundance, which has one of the, one of the most boring, uh, covers at the moment.

It's just a sort of picture in a big, dark studio of a motorbike.

Boring!

But it's a wicked album, really good.

I mean, their first one was good, and the second one's amazingly good.

It's like, hit after hit on there, and this is track one.

Always good to have an, uh, you know, it's important to have a strong track one.

This is called Fit For You.

Uh, yeah, I understand exactly what you're saying, flavor-flave.

Something about, uh, the Terminator being in effect.

Mm.

And, uh... What effect?

Uh, there's some lyrics in there that are a little bit spicy, aren't there?

Bum-rush the show.

Bum-rush the piss in your pants.

Is that what it says?

Yeah.

Spicy stuff.

You know.

Aika-ramba.

Aika-ramba, cause that is near the knuckle.

For Saturday morning, no one wants to be reminded of that whole business.

No.

of the whole business with the pants.

No.

So, hello listeners, this is Adam and Jo, you're listening to BBC Six Music, that was Public Enemy, what was that one called?

Uh, Rebel Without a Pause.

Of course it was, you know.

Um, if you were listening last week, you will remember that we were trying to provoke a feud with the programme Top Gear.

Now this is a classic way to elevate your profile in the media, is for a small program that doesn't get a lot of attention like this one, to engage somehow with a much bigger program, like a kind of mollusk on the bum of a whale.

And so we were attempting to do that by kind of making something out of nothing.

Or was it nothing?

And this is the question.

Um, after we received our massive, uh, important award last week, just to recap, Adam went- we made a self-aggrandiz- I made a self-aggrandisingly arrogant speech.

Where- wherein Joe rubbished the competition, because we were up against- We're already exaggerating, but we were up against, uh, people like Chris Moyles and the news quiz on Radio 4.

So I said, I said, no one listens to us, you don't know who we are, but this proves we're the best show in the world.

Not too much.

Adam goes to the loo, encounters Hammond, the Hamster, the immortal Hamster Hammond, having a wee wee, and the Top Gear producer also having one, and they're talking to each other, and they're going, what do they say?

They're in mid-conversation, they're saying, yeah, you know, they're just rubbish in the competition, as if they're like, ooh, Buxton comes in, Buxton comes in, Hammond says, button it.

Anyway, so Adam assumed that they were, you know, they disliked my speech, thought we were arrogant and over the top and belittling the competition and then buttoned it as soon as Buxton came in.

So we talked about this last week and we got an email, didn't we, from the producer of Top Gear.

One of the producers, yes.

not one of the people that was there that night.

He was in a pantomime manner, very rewardingly kind of making even more of the conflict.

Pat, his name was?

Pat, yes, saying that he was going to get us and stuff like that.

So this was all very good in a kind of playground sort of a way.

But then after the show, and this is the point last week, the phone rang.

Because we were just about to leave.

We go up after the show, you know, we go upstairs, try and raid all the CD boxes and stuff.

We steal things from other DJs.

Yeah, that kind of thing.

It's fun.

And the phone rings, and one of our producers, Claire, picked up the phone, and it was Andy Hillman, the producer.

He's the big man, the top gear.

He was the guy that was in the urinal that time.

And he's on the phone!

So Joe immediately says, we're not here, we're not here!

when Claire says it's Andy.

It's Andy from Top Gear.

But then, uh, ignoring Joe's instructions, Claire immediately says, yes, they're here!

Ha ha ha!

To Andy on the phone.

And you take the call.

So I took the call.

And, um, everything was very upbeat on the phone with Andy, and he was nice, and he said, misunderstanding.

Total misunderstanding.

We were talking about something else entirely.

We weren't talking about you guys at all.

Now, I believe that.

And I'm convinced that Adam's overreacting.

Not only is he overreacting, but he's overreacting conveniently in a way that makes me look bad.

Right.

So Adam wins on, but not only can he be indignant and angry, but it's not his fault.

I'm convinced he's hallucinated the whole thing.

It's part of his, your slightly solipsistic bent.

You think that everything in the world is to do with you.

It's my persecution complex and I'm offloading it onto you to make you feel better.

Exactly.

So I believe the producer of Top Gear, I think it was misconstrued.

They weren't talking about us.

They were just having some intimate awards, toilet chat, that they didn't want to spread around the place.

But then this morning I come in and you bucks and you think it's real.

You still think it's real.

the next

on is that your telling of the story it's not I'm not going insane of course I'll never know I'll never know unless one night I go out with we need to speak to Hammond and we get drunk together and he says you know what we we did think you guys were being a bit pathetic and we were slacking you off a little bit but we just didn't want to front on you in the labs because we we knew that you could have beaten us up quite badly and we just didn't want it to go off there in the lavies

you know, in the, in the Theatre Royal Drury Lane.

And I, and then I'd say, listen, Hamster, do you want another sea breeze?

It's not a big problem.

Let's go for a drive in the Lambo and, uh, play some very loud Jethro Tull and, and hug and make up for it.

And, you know, one day maybe that'll happen, but until then, we'll never know.

And you, Joe Cornish, will continue to believe that it's my persecution complex.

trying to make you feel better.

I think it's important that we find out the truth, not only for us as a show, you know, our public image, but also for your mental health.

Yeah, maybe.

Mainly.

Maybe.

Now, here's some music for you.

This is the new single from Sparks Listeners and Sparks, of course, of playing a series of concerts in London Town later on this summer, where they'll be playing the whole of every single album they have ever released.

like, on different nights.

So you pick your favourite album.

That's what's common, isn't it, now?

I don't think it's common to do every single album you've ever done.

Well, people do single albums, don't they?

Yeah.

But Sparks have, you know, they've done sort of 20 albums or something, 21 albums.

They're gonna play 21 nights and play every single album.

Plus, I would imagine, a sort of package of hits at the end of it.

But this is their new single and it's called Good Morning.

That's excellent.

And now it's time for the news with Rachel Matthews.

Nicholas Caves and the Bad Seeds with There She Goes My Beautiful World.

Do you think if Nick Cave has a birthday party with balloons, the balloons are overblown?

Do you think if Nick Cave has wrought iron gates, they're overwrought?

Are you trying to say that song's a bit over the top?

Listen, he's amazing, Nick Cave.

I'm a caveman.

I love cave.

I love caves and caving.

But he's just, you know, it's big, isn't it?

That's all I'm saying.

It's giant.

Yeah, it's huge.

It's good.

It's celebratory.

It's bigger than both of us.

He's excited about everything.

Absolutely.

So this may have been talked about a lot on other shows during the week.

The Millennium Dome?

Yeah, the Millenium Dome.

When are they gonna finish it?

What a waste of money.

It's a white elephant for John Major and the Tory government.

I mean, it's about time we got rid of the Tories.

What kind of... and have you been to the exhibition?

It's rubbish.

And that congestion charge?

Yeah.

They're not really gonna bring it in, are they?

Exactly.

No, those are old issues.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Connie Huck.

What's she done?

What hasn't she done?

The Huckster.

Connie Huck was obviously involved in the big tussle over the Olympic torch last weekend, the day after our show.

I didn't even know that.

Didn't you?

No.

You idiot.

She's been tussling for the torch.

Last Sunday, I just lay on the sofa and watched the coverage, as I think many people did, of the torch ceremony.

It was amazing.

It was like, and I'm sure this has been said before and I do apologise, but it was like some amazing science fiction game show.

Yeah.

It was like The Running Man.

It would or it was like if you play video games.

It was like a game of capture the flag multiplayer online thing Because you you saw it presumably I heard about the aftermath.

I would not seen any of the images children.

I'm not allowed to watch television

it down for the news.

First of all, she was involved in the whole Socks the Cat de Barcla, the Blue Peter liegate.

Right?

She was the one who had to apologise.

On screen, she did lots of interviews.

She timed it with leaving Blue Peter.

She got a lot of publicity out of that.

Then suddenly, next thing, Connie Huck was chairing the, the mare, the London mare debate.

I think that was on London-only telly, but she was doing chairing this important political debate.

How did she do that?

Was she commanding?

Averagely.

She's a lovely person.

Yeah.

You love her.

I do love her.

I met her a few times.

And she's getting a hug from Connie Huck is, as you can imagine, quite something.

Yeah.

Who's Cackley?

Nobody, I'm imagining it.

So then she was chairing this debate and suddenly Connie hugs this political kind of person, a kind of a Paxman for the Noughties.

And I'm already saying to my girlfriend, Connie, Hark, what's going on?

I mean, she's perfectly nice, but what's she doing, like... Sorry, Adam's stomach made a weird noise during that sentence.

Sorry.

And then, basically, to make a long story short, suddenly images of Hark are being beamed around the world.

She's starring in a moment of film that's going to be played forevermore.

having the Olympic torch grabbed off her.

A little slice of history.

But whoever manages Huck, is this being coordinated somehow?

Is Huck being secretly positioned to be a cultural icon?

If so, what's she done to deserve it?

Mm-hmm.

Apart from being very beautiful?

having a very generous amount of stuff stacked on her shelf.

Is that the French term?

Yeah.

I mean, she's lovely and I wouldn't say she's the sharpest political mind in... This is turning a little bit sexist.

Is it?

No, I'm not saying that... Talking about her shelf in seconds.

That's... She's not the sharpest political mind.

Maybe it is Texas, but I'm not talking about all women.

I'm talking about Connie herself.

You're saying how's she getting ahead when she's just a... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Let me stop that right there.

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying how has this particular woman ended up at the eye of almost everything that's happened in this country for the last six months?

Epicenter of history.

I think she's brilliant.

Yeah.

But she shouldn't be chairing political debates.

Well, Sa-Pong, she chairs... She's a spy.

She chairs debates?

What about June Sa-Pong?

To be honest, she shouldn't be chairing debates either.

And this isn't a sexist thing.

I think there are a million women better qualified than either Sa-Pong or Huck.

Davina McCall.

I tell you, the other one, who's the Irish one off of Blue Peter?

Zoe Salmon.

She must be angry.

Because Huck's getting all the attention.

Right.

And you know there's jealousy amongst Blue Peter presenters.

Yeah.

You know they fight over the chance to abseil down the big slide.

I haven't seen Blue Peter for ages.

I've got to catch up.

Yeah.

I bet you that that Irish one's angry.

That's fascinating.

If anyone has an insight into the... Has anyone watched Blue Peter?

Is there an atmosphere of resentment amongst the presenters?

Huck's not there anymore.

But I bet you salmon's angry.

I was in Europe reading the papers during the week, and Huck was in the International Herald Tribune.

Well, you know, stranger things happen.

I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger's the governor of California.

I don't know if you knew that, but... Yeah, but Schwarzenegger kind of... You feel like... One feels like Huck has kind of accidentally fallen into these things.

Well... That was a pure accident that she was the one carrying the torch on.

It was grabbed.

That's the way history is made.

But yeah, she's a trouble magnet.

She's a troublemaker.

But that's how history happens, you know?

And then ten years from now, they'll be playing the clips from Blue Peter.

It'll look as if that was her destiny.

It will, won't it?

You know, when she is the First Lady.

I want to be famous.

Either the First Lady or the President of the United States.

Really?

She thinks she'll be the Prime Minister of Britain.

Possibly.

I think she will.

Possibly.

I'd vote for her.

uh well you're an idiot okay i am a little bit here's some music this is uh radiohead's new single and it's very uh it's lovely you know this one right you've heard this probably what's it called it's called nude sure

Very good.

Well done, Radiohead.

That was nude and Radiohead, of course, are on tour, a little tour.

It's not a massive tour, is it?

But they got UK dates.

Are you going to any of these UK dates?

Victoria Park on the 24th of June.

Might go to that one.

Victoria Park again on the 25th.

Glasgow Green on the same day.

Are they really going to play Victoria Park and Glasgow Green on the 25th?

I don't think that can be right.

Anyway, they're around and I don't think... I think Glasgow Green is not sold out and presumably Victoria Park is not sold out otherwise.

You don't know though, do you?

For sure.

I'm not absolutely certain.

That's part of the service here on the Adam and Jo Show at the Big British Castle.

Is that we're never quite sure.

Never quite sure about anything.

But we're willing to be told, you know?

So you're very into that Radiohead album.

Yeah, I think it's fantastic.

Do you know all the words?

No, no.

Which albums do you think you could sing every single word to?

Could you put the needle if we still had needles?

Press play, sing through the whole thing from beginning to end without missing a word.

Mmm, any Pixies album?

Really?

Yeah.

You say you've got the entire Pixies oeuvre in your head.

Pretty much.

Definitely any Bowie album.

Any 70s Bowie album.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No problem.

Okay.

Have you ever, or did you ever, when you were younger, put one of those said albums on, stand in front of the mirror, and pretend you were the lead singer, and perform a whole concert?

Like Joe Cornish.

Like I did.

Which one did you do?

To ABC's album, The Lexicon of Love.

I know every single word.

Yeah.

And I think it's the album I've known every word to.

I haven't constructed that sentence properly, have I?

I think it's the first album that I knew all the words to.

Right.

And when I was little, I stood in front of the mirror, locked my bedroom door, put on your gold-la-may suit, panties, made sure my mummy and daddy were busy,

Mummy, just do homework.

Can I borrow your hairbrush to be quick with my hair?

And then I'd stand in front of the mirror and I'd perform.

I think, right, this is a concert, this is real, there's a crowd out there.

I've got to perform this whole album.

And I would dance and I know all the words.

What kind of dancing would you do?

Just very amazing, strange dancing.

At any point would you twirl?

Quite lanky.

Of course I'd twirl.

I'd be twirling.

Of course.

You know, because I could imagine you in a boater, like he is in the look of love with you.

There was probably a change of hats.

This was 1982, I stress, with a cane.

And I should also stress that The Lexicon of Love is one of the 100 top British albums of all time, according to The Observer and Q Magazine.

It comes in about 40.

In my opinion, it should be at number one.

It's a smash.

It's an absolute peach.

Produced by Trevor Horn.

Amazing string arrangements on it.

Yep.

Done by a woman called Anne Dudley, who was one of the founder members of the Art of Noise.

And yet, Martin Fry, one of the lyrics from that album, I think, is also voted as one of the worst lyrics of all time.

Can't complain, mustn't grumble, help yourself to another piece of Apple crumble.

I think that's from one of the tracks off Beauty Stab, isn't it?

Oh, maybe you're right.

Oh no, maybe it isn't.

Maybe it is Offleck's kind of love.

Oops, giving the luck.

I thought I said I knew all the words.

Yeah.

Saw yourself out, Dr. Words.

And Anne Dudley, who arranged the strings for this one we're about to hear as well, also won an Oscar for the score for The Full Monty.

Oh, very good, Jai.

You've certainly been on Wikipedia, haven't you?

Yeah, no.

I actually went into the streets and met everyone involved.

Do you interview Anne Dudley's parents?

Anyway, so here we go.

Here's the first track off of ABC's The Lexicon of Love.

I love this lexicon.

And here it is.

And dig these strings.

KABAM!

A.B.C.

from the Lexicon of Love with Show Me.

Very good indeed, isn't it?

Thanks.

Well done.

And we were just talking there about how important Anne Dudley is.

If you don't know who she is, stick her name into a search engine, because she weaves through the history of British popular culture, TV, movies and music in an extraordinary way.

And she's one of these people whose name isn't famous, which makes her even cooler in my book.

You know, she just does what she does without flashing her

you know, face about the place.

Yeah, you weren't going to say that, were you?

Yeah, I was.

Her name's well known within music circles.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, the average person in the street would not know who Anne Dudley is.

However, their life would have been affected by her work in a positive way.

I'll betcha.

Yeah, there you go.

ABC with Show Me.

It's trail time.

What kind of trail have we got here, Jude?

It's for Steven Merchant!

Excellent.

Let's hear what merch has been up to.

That's the members with Sound of the Suburbs.

That was a session, live session, recorded for the Jon Peele show on Radio 1 on the 17th of January 1979.

That was a great day.

And then, of course, Jon Peele did a show called Sound of the Suburbs.

Do you remember that?

Was that on Channel 4?

I think it was.

Maybe it was.

And it was great.

He was going around doing little mini-docs on musical subcultures.

Doctor Mentories.

documentaries, yeah.

He's one of my favourite doctors.

It was a good show.

It was excellent.

Do you remember that?

We used to work.

That was commissioned by a friend of ours.

Do you remember that, Joe?

Yeah.

And there was an amazing one on AFX Twin, one of the very few times I think I've ever seen AFX Twin being interviewed on TV, Richard James, of course.

He's not the best interviewee, but it was pretty amazing seeing him and Pee all coming together and exploding on the television.

There you go, that's my pure sound of the suburb fence for you this morning.

I've spent the week in Europe's capital of jazz.

The jazz capital.

The jazz capital of Europe.

Where's that?

Amsterdam.

Jazz cigarettes, jazz magazines, jazz clubs.

If you love jazz, it's the place to go.

I'm a bit old for jazz these days, so I merely wandered past some of the clubs and heard some freestyle clarinet ink.

wafting out the door and went on to better things.

Yeah.

But I watched a bit of Dutch telly while I was there.

Some jazz telly.

I did watch some jazz telly as well, but I watched some proper telly.

Right.

And they've got an amazing game show out there.

What have they got?

It's called Blorken.

Blorken?

Blorken.

B-L-O-double-K-E-N, I think, or maybe E-R.

Uh-huh.

Not sure.

And it's televised Tetris.

Oh, my lord.

Seriously, it's two people behind, you know, quiz show console things.

Yeah.

and a man behind a podium.

And they've got Tetris.

And they answer quiz questions.

And every time they get a quiz question right, they buy three blocks.

And then they play Tetris.

They guide the blocks down and position them.

And it's on a big video screen.

Yeah.

And it looks exactly like Tetris.

It's not like they're taking real three-dimensional blocks and stamping them in.

No, no, that would be good.

No, it's just on the screen.

And when they get a full line, the audience applauds.

Good, they should.

Blerken.

That's what I used to have a little audience whenever I used to play Tetris.

When was Tetris invented?

Invented, I don't know.

How long's it been around?

Late 70s, mid-70s?

Yeah, how long's it been around since the advent of the Game Boy, which is what, early 90s?

Yeah.

There was a documentary all about it, a Russian... So what's going on with Dutch television?

Have they just discovered Tetris?

Or has Blurken been running for 18 years.

It's a classic game.

I mean, if you come up with a format like that, you know, and if you decide that you're just going to put a classic thing on TV, that's all you need.

It doesn't, you know, some things are timeless.

Rubik's Cube, timeless.

You could make a TV show out of that.

There's no, could you?

Yeah.

People solving Rubik's Cubes, could you?

Easily.

There's lots of footage on YouTube of people solving them with their feet and stuff.

You could easily do it.

And Michel Gondry, he solves it with his feet, doesn't he?

Famously, yeah.

What a ponce.

Um, you could get Noel Edmonds to host it, and Edmonds could ring out some drama from that easily.

It's true.

It makes you think, why haven't all the keyboard games and video games been turned into TV game shows?

That's like... Cluedo?

They tried Cluedo, didn't they actually?

Well... Connect 4?

Connect four would be good.

Speed connect four, we talked about this before, but speed connect four would be a good TV show.

Snakes and ladders.

Yeah.

Can't go wrong with that.

No, but a celebrity connect four I would be very good, because it's more complex than noughts and crosses, but it's essentially the same sort of thing, and it sorts the stupid people from there.

Bloken.

What does bloken mean, I wonder?

I mean blocks, blocked.

Blocked.

Blücken.

It's not how they said it.

Really?

In Amsterdam.

Blücken.

That's the end of that anyway.

That's excellent.

Now, it's time for some baby shambles.

Oh, he's back in prison, isn't he?

He's back in prison.

That's where he gets his inspiration.

He's like the musical Oscar Wilde.

Yeah.

He's in Reading Jail, writing another amazing poem.

It's spelled G-A-O-L.

Gail.

You know some people like to spell jail that way.

Yeah.

In the olden times.

No, but they still do, that's what I'm saying.

Every now and again you'll read the paper or whatever and someone's spelled it G-A-O-L and you think you are a flaming toolbag.

Do you think he's king of the castle in the prison?

Yes, definitely.

Do you think all the other Krims respect him?

I don't think so.

I think they think he's a loose charlatan.

Do you?

And they punch him up.

They punch him up in the face.

He's not in the charlatans.

They do.

They think he's in the charlatans.

Yeah.

They duff him up.

If you're a lag, get on the blower.

Let us know what you think of a duck.

Is that what they call lags?

Yeah.

Cons, I thought they were called.

There's a couple of different words for them.

Who are the screws?

They're the guards.

Will you explain more while we listen to you talk by Baby Shambles?

No, I won't.

That's good though, isn't it?

Come on.

You talk by Baby Shambles.

And that's the one that was co-written by the lady.

Come on.

Come on, wasn't it?

Was it?

The lady woman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The model.

Model bird.

You're so sexist.

I am a little bit.

It's really emerging this morning that Adam is sexist.

It's amazing how clearly it's emerging.

We got another email from Top Gear man.

Kate Moss.

Thank you, Jude.

Kate Moss.

Shall I tell you what he said?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What did he say?

He says... This is Pat.

Yeah, this is Patrick Doyle.

He says to Adam and Jo, what the hell is wrong with you guys?

Why must you insist on stirring up the hornet's nest?

Are you insane?

The feud was over!

Andy, and it's Wilman, not Hillman, by the way, offered you an olive branch.

Now, that branch lies broken in the dust.

And why?

All because of Adam's paranoia and his so-called friend's delusional analysis of the situation.

You can't win this thing.

Walk away now, Adam and Jo, what little of your honour remains.

You're faithfully Pat's top care producer.

He's tweaking my totties.

He wants a confrontation.

He's flicking your... Nigel's.

He's flicking my flagellum.

He definitely wants it to go off, Pat.

Nobody wants it to go off more than us.

We'd like nothing more than to be punched up by the most important and powerful show in the world.

Not by the hamster though.

Hamster's not punching anyone up.

Pamps is not allowed, and somebody else emailed us to point out that the hamster isn't allowed to drink alcohol for two years after his crash.

Right.

So, he couldn't have been drunk.

That's for medical reasons, not because it- Yeah, it was- Yeah, and you can't take him out and have a drink with him to smooth it over.

Okay, got you.

Mm-hmm.

Well, he could have a non-alcoholic sea breeze.

Is that the same, though?

It's delicious, yeah.

He's not gonna loosen his bobs.

No, that's true, that's true.

Now, listen, hey, I think we should launch the nation's favourite feature.

The nation demand it.

Here's the jingle.

What if I don't want to?

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

Now this week on Textination Friends, we are chatting about... I'm going to call them Challenge Docs, yeah?

I like it.

Documentaries that involve some kind of challenge that has been set, or it's usually set by the author of the documentary.

Who's the foremost protagonist of the genre?

Well, I would say that Morgan Spurlock is the most famous one.

Would you say he's more famous than Gorman?

Uh, internationally, I would, yes.

Right.

Maybe not, though.

Maybe I'm doing Dave Gorman down.

He's got a massive international following, Gorman.

But the premise is, people who set themselves challenges, they create the challenge themselves and make up some kind of weird challenge that's supposed to illuminate the truth about some kind of a situation.

So Morgan Spurlock did, uh, Super Size Me, where he ate nothing but McDonald's for however long it was.

One month, I think it was.

For a month.

Dave Gorman

possibly created this genre with his, um, I'm Dave Gorman thing.

Was that the first thing he did where he met other people called Dave Gorman?

He was with Danny Wallace at that point, I think, wasn't he?

They were flatmates.

And, uh, there was Tony Hawks as well.

He wrote a book where he dragged a fridge around Ireland.

Yes, but he, I'm not aware of Tony Hawk's, you know, I don't think he's done too many filmed documentaries.

There's what's his name?

Bear?

Bear Gril?

Grease?

Bear Grylls?

Grylls?

What?

Grylls?

Grills?

Spelled G-R-Y-L-E-S, I think.

I'm just gonna call him Bear.

Bear, yes.

He invents challenges for himself.

The other day he invented the challenge of flying over the top of Everest.

in some kind of uh propeller machine you've made jude sick she's being sick on the floor she's being sick all over the floor yeah he's a kind of propeller flying machine yeah and he's uh going over everest right yeah in fact that's on tonight i believe on more for it's repeated it's ridiculous because he set himself the challenge and then he goes about complaining and his wife's getting all upset oh god i hope bear's going to make it

Over the top of Everest, while Bear decided to go over the top of Everest.

Yeah.

It just seems like a waste of the marriage is breaking up.

I don't know how he sounds.

I've never seen him.

Is he British?

I don't know how he sounds.

I only tuned into the last 10 minutes.

I decided he sounds like this.

I think he does.

He's going to say, I'm sorry, darling, I've got to go over Everest.

There's nothing I can do about it.

I set myself the talent that I have to go and I can't get out of it now.

What was Dave Gorman's latest challenge to drive across America whilst only buying fuel from independent?

Yeah, which is quite a refined one from mom and pop operations.

Not sure how successful it was.

I didn't see it.

It was a strange one.

And he almost immediately ran into trouble.

because it's very hard to go across America and not fill up from a corporate station, you know?

From the reviews I read, you've got a similar kind of moment where he stuck himself in some awful corner and he was really punishing himself, but he made the stupid challenge up in the first place.

Well, exactly.

I mean, a few mishaps before him, he gets some problems.

His camera person gets a bad back and she has to fly back home, so he's on his own with his camcorder and he fills up with her.

He has to fill up with her petrol, so she's feeling all sorry for himself.

or is that a euphemism for... It's just rubbish.

I'm off home.

No, she got a bad back.

No, we've had that confirmed.

Now, definitely, she did have a bad back.

She got a bad back.

Gorman is the last person who would lie about something like that, I'm telling you.

He might set himself fatuous challenges, but within the parameters of the challenge, he keeps it absolutely real.

And he kills himself, you know, with hate.

If the challenge goes wrong, you know, he's really down on himself.

Yeah.

But this is a weird thing.

Yeah, he filled up at a petrol station though, and he was so depressed about it that he went on a little mini, kind of supersized me splurge, and he's a vegetarian, but he just, for no apparent reason, he just went off and ate every fast food joint he could find, and then was violently sick the next day, you know, or that night, in fact.

And you just thought, why are you doing this to yourself, Gorman, you lunar?

So what's the text question for people to text in about?

Well, I'm just curious where to go next with these kind of things.

And more challenges for people like Spurlock and Gorman.

I was thinking something about orange, the colour orange, right?

So the premise is, what challenge would you set yourself if you were to make one of these documentaries?

Or can you suggest a new one?

I would eat only oranges, no, only orange food, right?

Any food that's orange, that's all I'm gonna eat for a year.

And I'm gonna do it in orange, in France, and I'm gonna dress entirely in orange, and I'm only gonna listen to music that is orange-related.

Everything in my life is gonna be somehow... Why?

Well, exactly.

Hey, is that your answer?

Yes.

Why do any of them do it?

Because they're trying to prove a thing.

Well, I'm trying to prove something.

Morgan Spurlock's trying to make a point about people's diets.

What do you think I'm trying to do?

Dave Gorman's trying to make a point about the oil industry.

Corporate America.

What about me?

Well, what about you?

Orange things.

I'm trying to make a point about orange things.

Is that so hard to understand?

Here's another one.

Okay, presented with a choice of going left or right.

Nice, I like this already.

For a whole year, I'm always going to go right.

Because Danny Wallace had one called The Yes Man, and he sold that for a million pounds to Jim Carrey.

Exactly, there you go.

I'm gonna sell this for a lot more than that, because it's got all kinds of political overtones as well, even though it's just... Which way are you going though?

I'm going right.

Of course you're going right, I could have guessed that.

Because I'm such a fascist.

But, um, no, mainly because I want the show to be called, uh, Adam Buxton fights for his rights.

Nice.

You know?

So you just turn right the whole time?

All the time.

And are there any other connotations to that?

So it's merely directional.

Yes.

Right.

You realise you'd go round in a circle.

Yes.

Round and round and round.

Yeah, but the wall.

Like somebody paddling with one oar on one side of a boat.

You know.

Anyway, there's a couple of ideas for you.

I'm going to have to think of some now.

So, listeners, we want more notions, more ideas for challenge docs.

Text in your idea to 64046.

That's the text number 64046, please.

How about this one?

Just before we play some music.

Oh, God.

Spend 10 weeks without saying the word cool.

Impossible.

That would be hard, wouldn't it?

I'd like to see someone do that.

Now, here's Les Artiste with Santo Gold.

Uh, there you go.

That was Santo Gold with Les Artiste, not the other way around.

Only an absolute idiot would think it was the other way around.

Sir, I've never even heard of Santo Gold.

Why doesn't anyone tell me these things, you know?

Geoff, in Winbourne, is very angry with you about that.

I'm sure he is, I'm sure, because it makes me look stupid, it makes the big British castle look stupid, it makes everybody look stupid, and it's disrespectful to Santo Gold.

You know, everyone loses in a situation like that.

But here's the thing, we don't get sent those kind of...

CDs, right?

We get sent all the weird stuff, we get sent some wonderful stuff on the margins.

But we don't get all the mainstream, you know, we haven't got the copy of the MGMT album, no one gave us that, because they think, well, Adam and Jo, you know.

You know, they're supposed to go out and buy them.

I know, but there's got to be a perk of being a DJ at the big British castle, right?

Right.

Isn't there?

Yes.

Because it's not the money.

I'll tell you that.

So listen, just to remind you, listeners, Text the Nation is currently open and ongoing.

The text number is 64046.

We're looking for your ideas for Dave Gorman's stroke, Morgan Spurlock.

style documentary challenges.

What framework would you set yourself if you had to do one of these kind of challenge documentaries?

Charlie Borman and Ewan McGregor are the other ones, of course.

Right.

There's one for charity, I think, raising money for charity.

Yeah.

Probably.

Yeah, but that's always... That's an option.

That's not the main motivation, though, is it?

It's not like, hey, let's go and raise the money for charity.

How can we do it?

You know, I'm sure they were delighted by the fact that it was going to charity, but their main objective was to motorbike across Wimbledon.

Here's my one, right?

What?

I'm gonna go around the world nude.

Are you?

Naked.

Well done.

And I'm gonna challenge attitudes to my bits.

Yeah, well that'll be great on a number of levels.

Won't it?

Society's attitudes to your bits, that's a very interesting and multi-layered topic.

It'll be challenging for the cameraman who can do that Austin Powers-stroke-Bewald-style hiding the jennies.

Yes.

With objects.

Yes.

Thing.

That's good, mate.

You know, in a few years' time, wasn't there a documentary not so long ago about people riding around on bikes with their bits all hanging out and stuff?

It's probably being done.

You know, if it's in the right context, people are fine with bits.

This is what I've discovered on YouTube.

YouTube removed one of my videos this week, right?

Because I think someone had complained that there was bits in it, and it was a clip from this show, Shock Video, that Joe and I

a voiceover that's occasionally on Bravo, and I had meticulously censored the clip with little cutouts of Mary Whitehouse's face so that you couldn't see any offending bits, right?

Because I knew what YouTube's policy on bits was.

That wasn't, you know, and still they removed the clip because obviously someone complained about it or whatever, despite the fact that it was a raucously hilarious clip.

And I just thought, what's going on here?

If you search YouTube, there's all sorts of, I mean, there's loads of horrific stuff on there anyway, violence-wise and bad language-wise and all kinds of subversive material on there.

You know, what's the problem with a little bit of lovely nudity?

And of course there is nudity on there as well, but it's under the guise of health and things like that.

I'm going to bring it back round to the text the nation thing.

Yeah, I know, but that's true.

That would have to be said.

Nudism.

I think nudism's been done already.

I was thinking of maybe just being drunk the whole time.

Has that been done?

Being drunk all the time.

Well, Dom Jolly did his thing where he's going around and watching.

What about not having a watch?

not having a- not being aware of the time not being aware of the time there's clocks everywhere though no there aren't aren't there not yeah the the idea of the civil clock the municipal clock is dead right in britain very few municipal clocks around

Councils have ripped them down.

Some councils stamp on them.

Like public toilets?

Yeah.

You know, that's what I would do if I was running for mayor.

They assume everyone has a mobile, so I don't know municipal clocks.

Often they're wrong.

Whoo!

Municipal clocks.

I hate municipal clocks.

Anyway, if you can come up with a better idea, text surely. 64046!

With your idea for your challenge documentary.

Now, here's a track that turns up... This was a B-side, I think, by Beck.

And it turns up on the reissue of Odelay as one of the tracks on the extras disc.

And it's a lovely kind of Latin reworking of... What was the original track called?

Jackass, I think, maybe.

And this is called Bura by Beck.

That's Bura by Beck.

And, er, as I said, you know, you can find that on the Odellay Reissue.

You, er, do you like Reissues, Joe?

Do you go out and buy an album that you were fond of ten years back?

Like, would you get the Air Reissue of Moon Safari?

No.

Ooh.

No.

I don't.

That's not an album I own.

Do you not?

No, because it was perfectly easy to listen to that album feel as if you owned it at other people's houses.

It's a very good album though.

It's got lots of good stuff on there.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music Saturday morning and we're halfway through our show.

I'm very quickly going to give you some challenge ideas just to set this ball rolling.

Here's one that's come in from Deep Rest who I believe is a supercomputer who's currently asleep.

Um, but he or she says,

Unfortunately, when I got in front of my house, it was cast in shadow and I had to go to my friend's house until the sun went behind the clouds.

Would that make good TV?

I think that's good.

Don't step on any shadows.

Yeah.

Stay in the sun.

What about Hank Marvin?

Would you be able to step on him?

Nice.

Shadows, you see.

Shadows.

It's time for the news now, read by Rachel Matthews.

What's a Skindy?

Have you ever wondered that?

He's saying Skin Deep, isn't he?

No, it's his Skin Deep.

Skin Deep.

Skindy by the Stranglers.

It's like a gnome.

It's, uh, Jude, our producer, was saying maybe it's the Brazilian gnome man.

Argentinian.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a Skindy bear.

One or two people have texted us to follow up the Argentinian gnome.

We were talking about the famous YouTube video last week, and one of the most interesting suggestions is that it is a viral promotional video for a Halo game.

Adam, you don't really play video games, but there's a creature in the video game, Halo, called a grunt.

One of the littlest, like the pawns in a chess game, one of the littlest guys, they're quite easy to kill.

Looks and moves very similarly to that gnome in that video.

And there's a director called Neil Blauclampt or something who's done some promotional stuff for Halo, and it could be one of his.

Told you it was a viral, didn't I?

you did but you might not be right i might not be right i am right you are right yeah um i just found out did you yeah really i'm right i'm right about that makes a change why were you looking at me like that when you're talking about the grunt

Why, do you think I was insinuating that you're a grunt?

Yeah.

All the stuff you said about a short man is easy to kill.

Because I think you look like a grunt.

I knew it!

And I'm gonna kill you.

I'm right.

I was right about that as well.

Yeah, you're right.

Are we gonna do Texanation now, or are we gonna leave it after the next song?

Have you got a few there?

Yeah, I've got quite a lot.

Oh, okay.

Well, let's have a few now.

Just to remind you, listeners, should we have the jingle again?

What if I don't want to?

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

Yeah, just to remind you folks that the nation's favourite feature this week concerns challenge documentaries.

Yeah, where you make up a kind of stupid challenge for yourself that's supposed to illuminate some aspects of life and then make a documentary about it like Morgan Spurlock did or Dave Gorman does.

They're the kings of the genre.

Yeah, so you're going to take your role as a commissioning editor again, Adam, and I'm going to pitch you some of these shows.

All right, good.

And will you commission them?

OK, here's one from Oliver in Hackney.

Yeah.

He says he's looking for a TV company to fund his challenge to live for a year while spending at least £1,000 a day as a damning indictment of money and stuff.

That's good.

Yes, I'm going to commission that, but I want to be in it.

That's going to cost £360.

No, £10,000, he says.

So that's going to be very expensive.

He says spend at least $10,000 a day.

For how long is he doing it?

A year.

A year?

What's that?

$10,000 a day?

That's $350... No?

$3 million.

Nearly $3 million for a year.

Commissioning that one?

Quickly?

Yes, yeah, I'm

Yes.

Wow.

That's most of your annual budget gone down the drain and you might not be able to fund this one from Daniel who says, for one month I would answer any question with the opposite opinion or view or answer to my actual true answer.

I was thinking about that very idea.

It's hard to regulate those hard to establish whether it really is your... You just have to be honest.

be honest yeah difficult commodity television no no no so is that is that a goer no no not being commissioned Daniel that's rough sorry Daniel good idea here's George from Sheffield he says my challenge would be to find the longest stretch of downhill I could find then travel down it in a pair of those kids shoes with wheels in the heel balancing precariously all the way possibly all the way down Ben Nevis to the River Thames

Which is, of course, at the foot of Ben Nevis.

And then down into the North Sea.

I'd call it the wheelie big adventure.

Wheelie, the wheelie big adventure.

That's good, I like it.

I'm gonna get Lenny Henry to do that one.

Really?

What if George wants to do it?

No.

George?

He hasn't got the chops, he's not a lovable... Can George exact produce?

Exact prod.

Yeah.

All right, George.

Okay.

Got it.

We got that one.

But I want Lenny for that one.

Okay.

Darryl in London.

Go a whole year eating only food that's free.

E.G.

Free samples at supermarkets.

Other people's free food when they do buy one, get one's freeze.

Well, we did.

Yeah, we did a similar challenge.

And it was terrifying.

He's going to try and live for a year, though.

Your nerves wouldn't be able to stand it, honestly.

There was a Japanese game show where somebody did that, didn't they?

They locked him in a room and he could only eat off things that he won.

from competitions and magazines yeah he died he died he didn't I'm making that up but probably is that one go is that a goer that's a good idea I like that one yes it's being commissioned Wow here's one from John in Newcastle my challenge would be to cross the UK whilst avoiding any kind of path or road

That's good, I think.

Why?

Because it's about the diminishment of grass.

The diminishment?

Come on, it's a big issue.

Already when it rains, everyone's tarmac their front gardens.

That's one of the causes of flooding, right?

It's important to have absorbent land.

Absorbent land?

Yeah, otherwise it all floods.

You're right.

You've talked me around.

Yeah, I'm commissioning it.

Wicked!

We've got four out of five commissioned.

I feel bad for the one guy I didn't commission now.

Really, yeah, that's Daniel.

He's apparently angry and on his way to the studio.

He's probably the best one as well.

Here's someone who's anonymous.

I'd spend a year in bed watching TV, being brought food to see how hard it is for ill people.

That's just students basically.

Here's a quote.

Here's a quote, a possible line of dialogue that will be said during this documentary.

Well, I've been in bed for a week now and I'm already, I'm feeling like I'd like to not be in bed.

So this is the thing, isn't it?

This is the surprising thing that you find out at the beginning of the documentary You think it would be fun to be in bed and being in bed all the time.

It's not so fun after all.

It turns out it's not as stinky and sweaty and there's food in my crack.

Exactly.

Yes or no?

I am commissioning that.

Yes.

I'm putting that on BBC 3.

This is amazing.

Oh, that's

Okay, here's another one from Jem in Bristol.

What?

No, I'm skipping.

Sorry, Jem, to raise your hopes.

I'm skipping your one.

Is that filthy?

No, she's got a good one.

Spend a year only communicating through the medium of mime to highlight the tragic demise of mime as a genre of entertainment.

Well, what about people who are mute and have to, uh... That's as well.

That's sign language.

I'm doing Gem's job for her, but I think that as well.

Anything to get it commissioned.

Anything you say.

No, listen, I'm not commissioning that.

I'm sorry.

Gem!

No, that's terrible.

I'm not.

She's screaming in prison.

Shall we have some more of these after... Yeah, we'll come back to these later.

Keep them coming in.

The text number is 64046, or you can communicate via email if you're scared of texts.

Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk It's Ganal's Barkley time.

This is run.

That's Snarls Barkley with Run.

This is Adam and Joe.

We're here on BBC 6 Music on a Saturday morning, where we are every Saturday morning from 9 till 12, and it's a pleasure to be here, may I say, Joe?

Thank you.

You know what the thing is about BBC 6 Music?

What is the thing about it?

The thing about it is, here's the thing.

It's only available on digital.

Yeah, so you've got to be technically slightly sophisticated to get it I got Recognized this week by a kind of a van I finish man was gonna say right that the the vagrant man was Listen because he didn't have a digital radio.

Yeah

uh... so what we do about him my point is it's only available on digital or by the internet on listen again or by the podcast available on uh... itunes what you saying jude or on tv sky channel whatever it is or free view channel but my point is that you've got to make a bit of effort right so everyone listening is a little bit extra cool that's true yeah they'd sort the the wheat from the chaff they've gone the distance and maybe you know maybe they've discovered the wonders of six music

In general.

And what a wonderful box that is to open up.

It's a box full of fun.

Exactly.

It's like a big box of cakes.

Here's a free play from me.

This is another of my favourite 80s artists, a bit later in the 80s now, Thomas Dolby, from an album called The Flat Earth.

Now, just to get you into Thomas Dolby... I probably know all the words to this one.

Yeah.

To this album.

This is a really good album.

Very, very good album.

Thomas Dobby's father was a professor of classical Greek art and archaeology at the University of London and Oxford University.

Ooh.

All right.

Imagine that his genetic inheritance from a brainiac dad like that.

So already he's dealing with a boffin.

Yeah.

He was given the nickname Dolby by his school chums because he was inseparable from his cassette player.

There you go.

Yeah.

Dolby then tried to sue him and he legally agreed with them that he would only ever use the word Dolby connected to Thomas.

He'd never use it outside that context.

It's nice of Dolby laboratories to be bendy on that issue.

It is, isn't it?

And you know, if you're into rock,

And you think Dolby might not be for you?

Remember he played the keyboard on Def Leppard's 1983 album Pyromania under the pseudonym Booker T. Boffin.

No, did he really?

Yeah.

Dolby Facts.

I don't know, that's not going to change anyone's minds on Dolby though, is it?

love Def Leppard.

They're big, they're very important.

Everyone loves them.

Well they are, they're massive.

Plus, he invented, this might make you dislike him, he invented a lot of the software that allowed polyphonic ringtones to exist.

And he wrote hundreds of basic phone ringtones that come installed in your phone, including the famous polyphonic Nokia theme.

Is that the Nokia theme?

I'm sure a listener will tell us.

He wrote that?

Surely not.

That's amazing.

That's more impressive than, you know, having written that startup chime.

Yeah, the Apple or the Microsoft one.

I think it might be Microsoft.

Yeah, anyway, here's a track from the Flat Earth Thomas Dolby's album.

This is called I Scare Myself.

Mellow.

Mellow jazz on a Saturday.

With Thomas Dolby.

Is that you playing guitar on there?

Yeah.

That's good, man.

Well done.

I'm gonna play this piano riff here.

Mmm, that wasn't so good.

Oh come on, that was brilliant.

That was a shame, that ruined it, you ruined it.

That was Thomas Dudley until he got ruined by Adam Buxty at the end with I Scare Myself from his marvellous album The Flat Earth.

Yeah, it's an absolute peach on there.

What was the hit on there?

Oh, it was, um... It was one that was not hyperactive, which was not really representative of the rest of the album, was it?

That is correct.

Hyperactive, that's a good song, though.

Yeah.

That's a good one.

Now, are we gonna say something to that joke?

No.

Oh.

Well, you said the way you were breathing led me to believe that you were going to speak.

What kind of breathing is that?

That's a Skindy.

That's the way a Skindy breathes.

Really?

Yeah.

That's why the Strangers wrote a song about it.

Now, I'm not going to play... Shall I play my song sometime in the next half hour?

Yeah, I think so.

What is your song?

What's the story behind the song?

What's the story behind the song, right?

This is one that I had.

It's actually an offshoot of one of our previous projects.

This is like that MTV show Storytellers.

Yeah.

Where the star tells you the story behind the song.

Right.

Sting on a stool with some Sting fans all around him.

Well, it's very stool-based, certainly.

But you must have had a few song wars, songs that you started, you got in a different direction.

Yes.

And... Rejects.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, this isn't a reject as such.

I can't remember which it was started for, maybe even the Kate Nash one not so long ago.

And then I sort of went in a different direction with it.

And I ended up, like I've set myself a, this is a challenge that I've set myself, I'm not making a documentary about it though, is to occasionally write songs about other musicians that I know nothing about.

Because it's a fun thing, you know what I mean?

You sort of just use guesswork.

Right.

You know a little bit about them, you're vaguely aware of their oeuvre.

So I'm writing tribute songs about people that I don't really know that much about.

Good idea.

And I've written one about Jackson Brown.

Do you know Jackson Brown?

Not very much about him.

I don't know much about him either.

So I've written a song.

All I know about Jackson Brown is that a lot of ladies like him.

Right.

At least two or three girls that I went out with in my life, they were big Jackson Brown fans.

And I've tried to listen to Jackson Brown on occasion.

I've got Late for the Sky, which is a big Jackson Brown album.

It's quite boring.

So armed only with my knowledge my scant knowledge of late for the sky I've written a Jackson Brown tribute song which I will be playing you listeners sometime in the next half hour here on BBC six music But we're coming up to 11 o'clock now, and I think it's time that we played some hot chip Don't you is this the new single?

One Pure Thought by Hot Chip.

Kirsty McCall with Innocence.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

Joe's chuckling away at their texts and emails.

Yeah, they're funny.

Some of the things that people are suggesting are funny, but more than that, it's the way people write them that make me laugh.

But keep them coming in, 64046, and we'll do some more ideas for high-concept personal challenge programmes in a while.

But first, I think we're going to hear Adam's exciting new song.

And...

Adam man, I've just got to say thanks for doing this.

Yeah, cuz I was lazy this week and went off on holiday and You've filled the gap that my laziness has left who went off to watch blocking a Blurken holiday apparently blocking the from Belgium, but it's shown on Dutch television It's been around for 10 years for 10 years Someone in the UK should do that.

No, they shouldn't we could host that come on

was boring program I've ever seen I thought you were saying it was fun it was fun it's compelling compelling boring anyway so because of Joe's block and mini break there was no song wars this week we're gonna do it next week though right yes we are definitely

But what I did was I went back into my vaults listeners because I couldn't bear the idea of you guys being without a original crappy song to listen to.

And I sort of thought as I was emailing it to our producer Jude last night, why am I doing this?

Because the whole point of the thing is the face off element, right?

I mean, it seems a bit insane if you just do one song, one insane song.

Yeah, I did it before.

Yeah, that's true, but no more Song Wars song.

Yeah, but there was a reason for it.

There's no real reason for this song.

That was ruddy good.

It was amazing.

Anyway, so yeah, this is about Jackson Brown, and mainly because I just had the name, the name, I saw the name in a mag or whatever, and I just got it in my head, and I was thinking Jackson Brown, Jack, who was just a fun name to say, and I thought this is a good chorus for a song.

Okay, Adam's mad, and he's written this mad song, and here it is.

Well my songs are a way to communicate the pain

Again and again I use my voice to sing all the words If I did, if they would slip away like unloved birds I'm Jackson Brown, I'm Jackson Brown I'm taking off my feelings and I'm riding her down I lost love there, a heartbreak here If I did, I'd write them down

My best love album is late for the sky It features many songs that will make you wanna cry It's a West Coast sound, it's warm with bitter sweet If you like that kind of thing then you're in for a treat Well it's ideal for an evening with a lady or some friends who can play it In the background when the dinner's such a

The mood is consistent so your guests should be fine And it slips down nicely with a lovely glass of wine I'm Jackson Brown, I'm Jackson Brown I've taken all my feelings and I'm writing them down I lost love there, a heartbreak here If I didn't write them down they would simply disappear

I'm Jackson Brown, I'm Jackson Brown I'm taking all my feelings and I'm riding them down I'm lost out there, a heartbreak here If I didn't write them down they would simply disappear I'm Jackson Brown, I'm Jackson Brown

is brown, my voice ain't wild, my songs ain't crazy, the one of them was used in the Phil Basko Sizes.

It's finished.

I had trouble concentrating on that because I was reading the hilarious texts.

Oh, well that's great, isn't it?

That is.

I can't do my job.

Yeah, yeah.

That was good though.

Was it?

Fill me in on what just happened.

I feel very much the same way as I do when I have that dream that I've woken up in school naked in a bed.

You know what I mean?

You have that kind of dream when you wake up.

and you feel humiliated.

Anyway, it was great, it was really good.

I'm just being honest, I was reading the text and I forgot to focus on it.

I've got to read the texts.

I've been told to leave by the producer.

So that's a solo, you don't have to vote for that because there's only one of those.

But if it was a category for Song Wars, the category would be songs about artists you know very little about.

Okay?

And, uh, unfortunately there's only one entrance.

What, um, what, uh, now you know and don't let this make you angry.

Here we go.

But what equipment are you using?

Because I mentioned the other week I went round to Adam's house and, uh, I was startled by the amount of equipment that he's bought in.

I've bought one keyboard.

He's bought the most amazing keyboard.

You have more than one keyboard.

Well, I've got my basic keyboard that you... It's a very simple question.

Yeah.

What equipment did you use on that?

On that?

Garageband.

Really?

Is that entirely garageband?

No, but I play keyboard on it.

Right.

Have you ever plugged in a keyboard to Garageband?

No.

Oh, it's a whole new world.

I do musical typing on the, on the QWERTY open keyboard.

You can do the same thing, yeah, exactly.

It's just a, an actual physical keyboard rather than the one on screen.

Right.

Drum machine?

Uh, no, no.

You have a drum machine.

Uh, I've got an old one.

Do you?

Or do you not have a drum machine?

I didn't use one on that one.

Didn't you?

No.

I haven't got anything.

It's all garage band, mate.

Come on.

Is it all garage band?

It's all in there.

It's just need to explore.

Really?

It's amazing.

Of course, there are other music making programs available on the market, ladies and gentlemen.

Listen, the point I'm trying to make is you've got lots of equipment that I don't have.

Therefore, if your songs sound better than mine, it's not because you're better.

It's because of the money you spent on the equipment.

Yeah.

That's the point I'm trying to make.

Is it?

Yeah.

Is that coming across?

At all?

Am I hinting?

What's the opposite of magnanimous?

Not-not-mogamous.

Nog-nanimous.

I don't know.

We'll be back with more of your, uh, text.

There are some brilliant ones coming in.

Plus we've got to figure out what our theme for Song Wars is next week.

We've got to figure that out.

If you've got any suggestions, do email adamandjo.sixmusicatpbc.co.uk.

Someone, in fact, people say, this is the last thing I'm going to say about Song Wars this week, but when we played that Sparks track earlier on, everyone thought that was a song.

I wonder if they used a bit of Garage Band on there, because they... Apparently they spent a lot of money on equipment.

Here we go.

Do you know how much I spent on that keyboard?

How much?

200 pounds.

How much did you spend on your Chaos-a-lator?

100 pounds.

Pathetic.

It says it all.

Okay, plugs we've got for you.

No.

The breeders.

Oh, this is the breeders.

Yeah, the breeders are in town this week.

I'm going to go and see them, and they're being supported by the marvellous Jim Noir.

They're at Coco on Wednesday and Thursday, I think.

I might go along on Thursday, I think.

Can't wait to see them.

Never seen them in life before, and this is one of my favourite breeders' tracks from The Last Splash.

I wonder if they'll play it.

This is Driving Online.

What if I don't want to?

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

Was he fixing his bicycle at the end of that last track?

Yeah, he was.

He got all chain came off.

He caught a little bit of his body in the chain.

Did he?

That's why he was squealing.

Oh, ow.

So he was really... He had to flip it upside down and take the chain off.

Exactly, yeah.

That was Cold War Kids with Hang Me Up to Dry and of course before that you heard the Breeders with Driving on Nine.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music and we are in the midst of Text the Nation, the nation's favourite feature.

It's very exciting.

This week's one is... It is very exciting.

That sounded insincere.

Also, I sounded sincere when I said the nation's favourite feature.

That's not sincere.

There's no way it's the nation's favourite feature.

It's not the nation's favourite feature.

Yeah.

Harry-on.

I'm confused now.

The subject is challenge documentaries.

similar to what Dave Gorman does and also Morgan Spurlock and all that those type of people they set themselves challenges that are supposed to illuminate some aspect of society or life and then go about doing them and filming them and we all watch them some of them are good some of them are stupid Tom Jolly's doing a new series that looks a little bit similar like he's basically messing with shall we say people that cause annoyance like track wardens and clampers and people like that right

So he's going up.

Oh, that sounds a bit petty to me.

He's giving them a taste of their own medicine.

You know?

Really?

Yeah.

I'd like a series in which traffic wardens give dumb jolly a taste of their medicine.

What's your, are you like pro traffic warden now, all of a sudden?

Uh, I'm a little.

I think they're in a difficult position.

I'm not, I'm not pro that counts.

We don't want to get into this.

It's turning into some sort of breakfast show on a political station.

Yeah, but here's my point.

Here's my point on your point, right?

I can't argue with that.

Listen, these texts though,

Are you ready to go into commissioning editing mode again?

Yes.

All right, here's one from Dogboy and Kent.

I would like to spend a month of my life trying to make as many people cry as possible.

At least five a day should do.

And that is, he hasn't written what that's exposing, but I'm guessing that's exposing how fragile people are.

How fragile we are.

That would be the theme song.

That could be the theme.

Commission?

No, I'm not commissioning that, Dogboy.

We've already got a couple of shows like that.

Right, most of them are like that.

In the works.

Yeah, to make the audience cry.

Here's one from Keith in Plymouth.

I'll be walking from the hook of Holland to Helsinki wearing only a neck brace looking straight forward all the time in order to gauge Scandinavian opinion on the importance of eye contact.

I'm not commissioning that.

That's good.

He's looking forward.

The whole time.

And not making eye to contact with anybody.

I don't know what contact means.

I do.

It's a new one.

Here's one from Tom.

This is one of my favourite ones.

Tom-tacked.

That's what it means.

It's when Tom touches you.

It's the word.

I've just had Tom-tacked.

Every time you see someone smaller than you, you have to leapfrog over them.

That is brilliant.

That must be some kind of student game that students play when they're drunk.

Do you remember a guy called Nevyaski at our school?

I do, yeah.

Conrad.

He used to do that kind of thing.

Did he?

What would that illuminate?

What would that achieve?

What would that show?

It would put down the smallies.

It would show that small people are good for something.

Yeah.

and entertainment again you could have the randy newman track short people on there as the theme exactly you could just uh say that short people should be employed as bollards that's what i'm going to be when i um grow up get fired

Really?

A bollard?

You'll be very good at that.

I'm quite short myself.

Someone's texted in, this is an interesting one.

Why not live on pure logic like John Fox from Ultravox did for a whole year?

Now what's the story?

That's what I want to know.

What's the story?

How do you live on pure logic?

And what did John Fox from UltraVox actually do?

Is there a synthesizer called Logic?

Maybe.

Well, there's a music program, but that was not in UltraVox times.

That's an anonymous tense.

Do explain yourself, if anybody knows what that person's talking about.

Pure Logic.

Here's another one from Darryl in London.

London's a big city in the south of England.

Starting with the letter A, he's gonna eat only food that begins with A for two weeks, then change to B, then C, etc.

for 52 weeks.

That's a very good idea, I'm commissioning that.

Alphabet food.

Why?

I just like it because it teaches you the alphabet.

Is the alphabet good for you?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what it's asking.

Exactly.

Is it nutritious?

Listen, it's sort of saying it maybe would start with a survey saying almost all kids in Britain don't know their own alphabet.

Yes.

This is a disgrace.

Yes.

Or how to eat proper.

Exactly.

It wouldn't matter if it wasn't true.

It's just a place to start.

Yeah, it could be a question.

Exactly.

Here's another one from an anonymous person.

It starts simply pegs!

Exclamation mark.

See how many pegs you can steal from people's gardens.

Would they care?

Hosted by Simon Pegg.

Hosted by Simon Pegg?

That could be very good, couldn't it?

The Music Pegg by Steely Dan.

Commissioning that?

Yes.

Here's another one from Jimmy in Manchester.

I have to survive in an inner city for one month, with no money, no organised shelter and no presents.

Did you say man's blessed friend?

Best.

I may have said blessed by accident.

I thought that would be a good name for a show.

Man's best friend, no organised shelter, no possessions, only a dog costume.

I will not be able to remove the costume, but must use it in order to survive, relying on only the kindness of strangers.

I will not be allowed to communicate using words only dog-like barks, stroke wolves.

Perhaps moving to a new city each month to compare different nations' attitudes, or then you'd have to move to a different nation.

Wouldn't you, Jimmy?

That's good though, isn't it?

Dog soup.

It sort of relies on the fact that people would be fooled into thinking that Jimmy dressed in a dog suit.

A realistic dog suit.

It's actually a dog.

Very realistic dog suit.

A real dog.

And Jimmy is very good at those bark-stroke-woofs.

Like... Commission?

Yes, I am.

I am going to commission that one here.

That's good.

But I'm going to get McIntyre to do it though.

Right.

You know?

Undercover of a dog suit.

Right.

He's gonna do that.

Let's have one more and then play some more music.

I've got some money mark in my locker for you in a second.

I would spend a year telling everyone to F off.

It would be a searing study of one man's descent into loneliness and misery because he was so rude.

Well, that says David in Leeds.

That's Gordon Ramsay, isn't it?

That's true.

That's his entire career.

He's done very well by us.

Exactly.

That proves nothing.

Keep those texts and emails coming in.

And we do apologise, you know, if you email us, maybe even on a regular basis and it seems like we never read them out.

But we do get a lot of texts and emails, all of which we very much appreciate and we try and get round to all of them as much as possible.

We do read them all.

Yeah, that's true.

So if you've sent in something rude,

And are angry we haven't read it out.

Don't worry, it will have scarred us in an unspoken way.

Yeah, exactly.

Thanks for those unfavourable comparisons to Mitchell and Webb.

Now, here's Money Mark with Hand in Your Head.

Money Mark with Hand in Your Head.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

It's time for the news read by Rachel Matthews and the music news read by Elizabeth Olker.

Foo Fighters, cheer up boys, your make-up's running!

Another thing I saw on telly in Holland in Amsterdam was a station where it's just a sort of webcam in a radio station.

Right, have you seen that channel?

No.

Someone listening in Holland might know it.

It's just basically a radio studio and you hear the records they play and then you just see the DJs

Picking their noses.

Setting the next record up on the computer.

Occasionally a group of school kids will come into the studio and watch and then shuffle out.

That's it.

Howard Stern used to do that same sort of thing though, didn't he?

A little more going on in his show, perhaps.

Perhaps.

You know what, with the boobs and the stuff like that.

In this one, there's nothing happening.

No.

It's weirdly compelling, though.

Well, exactly.

It's like Big Brother, though, innit?

Flat Big Brother.

It's a little less happening than that, even.

No, it's exactly like Big Brother.

Oh, sorry.

Yes, it is.

It's exactly the same as Big Brother, except without all the birds and train noises that they have to play when someone says something sensitive.

Instead, you get great music.

Everybody wins.

It's a terrific idea.

So I think it's better than Big Brother.

Now have you seen, speaking of TV, I don't know if you ever watch TV.

Sometimes.

It's amazing.

Have you seen the ad, I think it's for Clearasil maybe, where there's a mum and she sat on the sofa stroke couch showing a photo album to a boyfriend, we're assuming it's a boyfriend, he sat in between this mum and on the other side of the boyfriend is presumably his girlfriend, presumably the mum's daughter.

Right.

And the mum is saying, oh, and here she is, naked in the bath.

And suddenly the girl says, you should see me now.

Right?

And then the mum says, no.

Is it dubbed?

Is it one of those languages?

No, it's not.

I think it's American.

I might be wrong.

I might have filed it incorrectly.

What happens next?

And the girl goes, uh-huh.

But I don't understand what's going on in the ad.

What is the emotional dynamic?

What's it got to do with Clearasil?

Uh, because she's so, her skin is so great.

You get spots on the face though, don't you?

Well, you wouldn't have thought you needed to be naked in the bath to see them.

That sounds very confusing.

It's very odd.

I don't get it.

You know, I mean, obviously there is the, the, a certain amount of it is the embarrassment that the boyfriend is feeling.

He's sandwiched between the mother and the girlfriend.

Obviously he has had intimate access to this woman's daughter.

I'm talking about the mother there.

And, um, you know, so it's strange.

What are you suggesting is happening?

What kind of a family is this?

No, but you see what I'm saying, though, right?

No!

Look!

I've got a very sexy scene now in my head.

There's the boyfriend... The boyfriend is on the couch.

Gonna need to dry clean that sofa.

He's got his girlfriend sitting to his...

Left.

Yeah.

On his right is his girlfriend's mum.

Yeah, no, I understand the scene.

Right.

But who's had intimate access to what?

The boyfriend has had intimate access to the girlfriend.

Right, okay.

Who is the daughter of the woman showing him baby photos.

Right, right, right.

So the mum is saying, ah, isn't she cute?

There she was in the bath.

And then the girl's sort of, she's sort of a little bit embarrassed by this.

She's like, don't show him the baby photos.

But then why did she say... Exactly!

Why did she say, you should see me now?

What's she trying to do to her mum?

Her whole body's covered in spots.

That's the key.

And she's saying you've neglected to make... Watch me in Clearasil.

Give me those Clearasil baths.

Other spot things are available.

Yeah.

Spot cleansing things.

And so the mum says, no!

Sounds like it's taking monosyllabic parent-child communication skills to a new level.

And the girl says, uh-huh.

Lots of families communicate like that these days.

Right.

Don't they?

Mum, whatever.

Is it?

Bye.

That's, for instance, a conversation about Zimbabwe.

Yeah.

So maybe it's a language we don't speak anymore.

You know the ad, though, right?

No, I haven't seen it.

I'm excited about it.

Have you seen it, Jude?

No.

Oh, man.

That's depressing when you... when you fantasize, when you hallucinate Maffet.

I feel as if I've... I feel as if I've seen it a lot, you know what I mean?

Maybe I'm watching the wrong stations.

I'm gonna watch out for it.

I bet you will see it, and we'll discuss it more next week.

And if you've seen it, please tell us what you think's going on.

The spot channel.

No, because it is hard.

I was hoping you might have seen it because they're... What are we talking about now?

I'm just concluding that little item chat.

Right, it's tricky to figure out what's happening.

Yeah.

Uh, so it is hard if you haven't seen it.

There you go.

Now, we're gonna wrap up Text-o-Nation after this next piece of music, but this is Modest Mouse.

The Modest Mouse with Ocean Breathe Salty.

Modest Mouse with Ocean Breathe Salty.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.

It's time to conclude Text-o-Nation!

Text-o-Nation!

Text!

Text-o-Nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text-o-Nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter!

Text!

Is it time for that jingle to be freshened up?

I was just thinking that myself.

Yeah, some sort of a remix.

A revamp, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Is that all right?

I'll get onto it.

Thanks, man.

Well done.

Okay, thank you very much to everybody who sent in their ideas.

We've had lots and lots of really good ideas, and unfortunately we won't have time to read them all.

But here's some of the cream of the crop.

I'm gonna go through them quickly.

Are you ready, Mr. Commissioning Editor?

Yes, I am.

It's important times for the listeners there could be some shows going ahead now.

Simon in Bristol says, hello Adam and Joe.

As a challenge doc, I would travel around Britain wearing a bobble hat and sturdy boots.

Er, no.

Why not?

Why?

He's kind of underdone it.

Bobblehat and sturdy boots?

Yeah, it's the archetypal British kind of yomper.

Right?

No, I'm not having that on my side.

You're not having that?

I like that.

No.

I'd have that, Simon.

Here's another one from Dave in Catford.

The Bermuda Triangle, the truth is the name of his.

I row into that area with a rope attached.

When the triangle makes me disappear, the navy seals follow the rope to trace me.

That's not really a challenge, Doc.

I think that's great.

That's just a one-off thing.

No, it's a doc.

It's a stunt.

It doesn't have to be a series.

It's a stunt.

Oh, it's good.

It's a stunt in the same way that, like, searching for Nessie is a stunt.

Yeah, well it is a stunt.

It's not a challenged doc, though, I wouldn't say.

Oh, you mean he's not challenging values within himself?

It's not a journey as such, you know?

Dave, I like that as well.

The best Dave Gorman docs take you on a journey of some kind.

But that's a journey into the Bermuda Triangle with a rope wrench!

I like anything when anyone's got a rope tied round them.

Poltergeist, the mist.

I like going into a frightening area with a rope tied round one.

Here's another one from George Stothard.

Stothard, Stothard, not sure.

Subject, the sweetcorn challenge.

Whilst living in a van in New Zealand, two friends of mine decided to embark on the sweetcorn challenge.

They'd been told that if you ate sweetcorn and nothing else for a week, eventually you'd pass a reformed corn on the cob, as you weren't fully able to digest the corn.

I didn't buy it, but watching them shoveling in sweet corn with horrible hangovers in the rain was hilarious.

My other friend and I made a conscious effort to eat the tastiest food in front of them while they were doing the challenge.

It didn't work, they gave up after two uncomfortable corn-filled days.

What George has slightly stymied his chances by telling us the outcome of the corn challenge.

Yeah.

No, I'm not having that on my channel.

What is this, some kind of lavatory show?

You know, because what's the ultimate payoff is you get to see, ugh, it doesn't bear thinking about.

No, no, no, no.

Not for always.

It was a classy channel I'm running.

I thought about it.

Well, now you've thought about it.

Exactly.

So move on.

Okay, here's one from Jean-Pierre.

My documentary would be to challenge the acme-made theory that if you dig down far enough, you will dig through to Australia.

At the very least, we dig down far enough to find out if it was impossible and or too hot.

Oh, it's too hot now.

I'm going back.

I've gone down about six or seven feet and I am sweaty and dirty and I am going home.

Two more?

Yes.

Keith Trevis.

Here is his idea.

He thinks that there should be a follow-up to Andrew Lloyd Webber's incessant casting his musical shows.

a controversial presence in the BBC Saturday evening schedule.

Is it Nancy?

Nancy, will you be my Nancy?

He's got a better idea.

How about a nationwide competition to become a member of The Fall?

Each week, contestants would have to pull lots of extreme indie stunts playing in pubs, living in transit vans, giving the show a celebrity edge.

West End stars could appear on the show to sing Fall hits.

Imagine Michael Ball singing Fiery Jack, or Elaine Page performing The Man Who's Head Expanded.

The show could culminate with the contestants fighting with Marky Smith on stage.

Last one standing is in.

What do you think?

Cheers, Keith.

That's very good, Keith.

I like that.

Marky Smith is not on TV nearly enough.

I mean, he is.

He's always value for money when you manage to drag him in front of a camera.

Always.

Always BFM.

There was a very funny interview that Frank Skinner did with him for the Culture Show, in fact, because he's a recent convert to The World of the Fall.

He was very uncomfortable and Smith

didn't really have time, and Skinner was absolutely fawning over Marky Smith.

Marky Smith doesn't like that.

There's a clip of him trying to suffocate me with a plastic bag on YouTube.

That's right.

Who's a difficult afternoon.

Good idea though, I like that one.

Here's my favourite one.

Hi Adam and Jo, this is from Mark Thomas.

He's texted us in before, I think.

No, he says... Who knows?

We always say that.

Hi, Adam and Jo.

Our idea is a show... He says it's our idea, so I should credit Gale as well, Mark and Gale, in Ayrshire.

Our idea is a show where someone would live on the back of U2's guitarist for a month, and could only have food that they managed to snatch out of his hand.

It will be called Living on the Edge.

There we go.

That's good.

I like that.

I'm commissioning that.

Because the edge is well up for anything like that.

He is.

What would that prove, though?

What would it prove?

They're piggybacking, they're clinging to the edge's back.

And they can only eat food that they snatch out of his hand.

Right.

It's not about the edge, per se.

It's about any guitarist.

I'd say it's about Third World Nations having to piggyback from the wealth of First World Nations.

Do you thread more into it than I did?

Well, it's important.

I thought it was mainly about guitarists.

No.

Commission?

Yes.

Yes!

We've got lots of these underway.

The BBC is going to be wall to wall challenge documentaries in the next few months.

We're fixing up the BBC, man.

We're mending it.

Imagine if we really did have the power to commission all programmes on the BBC.

It couldn't, we know, because we couldn't do a worse job than this.

What are you saying?

How dare you.

I'm joking.

I'm just joking.

I'm only joking.

It's just joking.

Maybe we'd be allowed BBC 3.

You could take over BBC 3.

Surely, come on.

That's got some problems.

That's an average thing.

It's very good a lot of the time.

It's brilliant.

It does have some one or two problems.

Best channel.

There it is.

Now, it's... This is one of your tracks, Joe, right?

Is it?

Yeah.

This is a little bit of R&B stuff.

Is it R&B?

I don't know.

It's a soulful one by a band called Sweet Sable.

And it came out in like 92, I think.

It's got an Eddie Kendrick sample on it.

It's called Old Times Sake.

that's nice and it's groovy and grooving thanks man that's sweet sable

Uh, very nice, uh, old times' sake.

Drug references in there.

Absolutely not, no.

Uh, Blunt?

What's a Blunt?

No, a Blunt is just a very poorly, uh, sharpened implement.

If we find out there's drug references in there, then you, Joe Cornish, are out with the big British cast.

They are talking about smoking legal highs.

Are they?

Yeah, Hubble Highs, you can get them in Camden High Street, they're perfectly legal, and boy, woo!

Might be about James Blunt, I suppose.

That's what it's about.

Listen, thank you very much for listening and to everyone who's texted and emailed.

Next week's Song Wars, we've picked a theme.

Are we gonna go with this theme?

Festivals.

Yeah, Nick Muldoon.

He's in Los Angeles.

He suggested we do songs to celebrate the start of the festival season, so songs about what it's like to be at a festival.

So we're gonna go with that for Song Wars next week.

Good idea, yeah.

Thank you very much indeed for listening.

Thanks for texting and emailing.

We really very much appreciate it.

Don't forget to download the podcast.

It'll be out a new one tomorrow evening after about 6pm.

And of course you can listen again to the show any time during the week on the BBC 6 Music website.

Liz Kershaw is coming up.

Have a great week.

Tati bye.

Bye bye.