Yeah, exactly.
Alright.
So, I hope that's taught you a lesson.
Sorry.
Joe, about picking the teddies.
I'm gonna do it again, I promise.
Teddy Picker.
Did we pick that song to begin the show?
Because of the... No, Shush.
Teddy.
Shush.
The Dirty Teddy.
The Bad Teddy.
No.
The Evil Teddy.
It's just a zeitgeisty coincidence.
Good morning, this is Adam and Joe.
Welcome to Saturday morning.
It's the beginning of December.
It's the beginning of Crinklemas.
And they've covered all the studio in tinsels.
They've caught it quite badly into that.
They haven't really made an effort.
It's like they drunkenly, someone drunkenly staggered in.
It's like some kind of pathetic rehab centre.
And just coughed up some tinsel and it's sort of landed like strands of flame on me.
They're going to improve it during the show.
Yeah, it's not really a good effort.
Do you favour tinsel at home?
Uh, I find Tinsel a little bit brassy.
Well, it's a little tacky, isn't it?
Yeah.
Tinsel's the kind of thing when you're five that you think, that's good, look, it's just shiny, there's tinsel star shiny.
But then after that, when you're a grown up person, you've got your own home for the first time, you think, oh,
What am I going to do about the decorations?"
And you get out the tinsel and you sit down and you think, no.
Yeah, do you know what you can't beat?
What?
Paper chains.
Paper chains?
Yeah, you can't beat a paper chain.
Well, you make your own.
They're kind of holistic, yeah.
They're green, are they?
Yeah, yeah.
Because they can be recycled.
That's right.
You have to lick each one with your own spittle.
Why are you licking the paper chains?
They're not going to stick together like that, just with your own...
They used to, didn't they?
They used to come with a little sticky, gluey bit.
Oh, with a gluey box?
Yeah, and you get all dizzy and slightly high from the glue.
So you're not just licking bits of ordinary paper.
I will if you want me to.
Yes, please.
Wow, what a show we've got for you folks coming up.
I'm looking at the computer screen right now, and just in the next few minutes,
We're going to be hearing amazing songs from Talking Heads.
I requested that Talking Heads song.
I'm amazed it's being played.
It's a really good one from Remain in Light, but it's not a Talking Heads song that's played very often to my knowledge.
Kings of Leon.
What else is coming up music-wise, Joe Cornish?
We've got some Jay-Z.
We've got some Batful Lashes.
We've got the Breeders.
We've got the Baby Shambles.
We've got some Beck.
We've got some Aretha Franklin.
Hooray.
Some Bobby Womack.
Oh, we've got some brilliant stuff coming up.
Plus, of course, we've got this week's Song Wars.
Plus, the results of last week's Song Wars.
Plus, Test the Nation.
Plus, all sorts of... Test the Nation now.
What?
Test it?
Test the Nation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Phil is coming in.
Phil Scofield is coming in.
And Robinson's coming in.
And we're going to test the Nation's IQ with a series of boring questions.
But before all that, here's some more music, because that's mainly what it's all about.
Here on Six Music, right?
Here's Lush.
So do you see those two boxer men on telly that are having a fight tonight Adam?
Oh, yeah Yeah, the boxer men the really skin skinny one and the other one Yeah, I've heard about the boxer men only because a friend of mine is excited about it.
Really?
Yeah Danny Richards.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah, he likes boys like he loves sport Well listeners, you've probably seen it.
There's footage this morning of them weighing up in Vegas 30,000 British people have taken cheap flights.
Yeah, right over me and Adam's houses.
Is that a good sentence?
Yeah, that's a good one.
Yeah
And it's been very noisy.
They've all all the British hooligans boxing hooligans They're probably very well behaved have gone to Vegas and the two men are gonna box each other up later and this morning They were facing off.
Yeah, and this involves pressing their bodies together very closely very closely you are squaring off it is as well is it called squaring off well They were pressing their bodies together so closely.
I'm sure that Winky's touched
Do you reckon?
I'm 100% positive.
And then their nose is touched.
And then their lips touched.
No, they did.
You should see the footage.
Their lips touched.
And it's such a shame they didn't just go for it.
Have a little snog.
You know?
Because they look so heterosexual that they would probably murder.
You know?
I can't complete that sentence.
But you know what I mean?
Yeah, they would they would probably kick a television in if Alan Carr came on Oh, do you know what I mean?
I'm guessing yeah, that's probably not true But from there, you know, it would use them too much.
I wish they'd just had a kiss Yeah a snug or one is it's interracial as well.
It's a black man and a white man, which is lovely but that would have bought you know races together Yeah, it just would have been brilliant.
I thought you said racists together.
No, I would have been the opposite
Yeah, I'd brought all the races together.
Yeah, and if one of the guys had just maybe reached round and cupped the other one... I must say, neither of them have got a lot in the buttock department.
No, they wouldn't.
They're very flat buttock.
They work it all off.
But by the time a lot of people listen to this, people who listen on listen again, they'll know who's won the big fight.
Who's your money on?
Hatton?
Or what's the other one called?
Ricky Hatton?
No, I think he's called Donald.
I'm guessing he's not called Donald.
Danny had all the names of the guys.
He was like Mick the Hat Hatton and Donny Donkey Face Donalds.
He's called Ricky.
Ricky Hatton, I think.
Anyway, exciting stuff.
Joe found all this out for Zoo Magazine.
I didn't, I was watching the telly.
But it's exciting stuff for boxing fans and also... Man fans.
For man fans.
Yeah.
Fans of men standing really close together.
Now here's the track I teased this earlier on in the show about five minutes ago.
Do you remember in the good old days?
This is a Talking Heads track from I think what everyone agrees is their sort of high point which was the album Remain in Light, an album of course which influenced Radiohead a great deal.
We heard Paranoid Android at the beginning of the show there and this is this is a long it's a slightly intelligently long track.
It's not as long as your leg.
I know, I know, but I'm just putting it in context.
People love a bit of context.
You're absolutely right, sorry.
You know, this is an indulgently long track to play for a free play, but I think it's worth it, you know?
It's a smash.
The Great Curve by Talking Heads.
Yeah, it's good.
Talking Heads with The Great Curve.
If you haven't got that album, Remain in Light, then you should go and get it because it's good.
It's really good.
This is Adam and Joe here on Song Wars.
We're on 6 Music.
This is Song Wars.
It's time for Song Wars.
Here's an email that's come in from Daniel Pate or Daniel Pate.
I'm not entirely sure.
It says Adam and Jo.
I'd like to vote for Adam's track mainly because of the girls with big knockers stroke ex glam rockers line.
Excellent stuff.
Also, you should stop being quite so gentlemanly about the whole affair.
All of this quotes, oh, you should have won, man.
Mine was bad.
No, mine was bad.
You deserved it, stuff.
It's all well and good, but we want to hear some genuine competitive tension and anger between you guys, and without drama and excitement to the show.
And also, if the arguments got bad enough, could leave listeners speculating whether you will still be working together the next week and keep them tuning into the show.
Listen, who is that?
Daniel Pate?
Dan.
Dan Pate.
Dan Pate.
Listen, Dan.
I don't know if you used to listen to our old XFM show but there used to be a certain amount of tension when we started there and there is occasionally tension between us which spills over into the program but we're trying to keep it at bay and Song Wars is fraught enough with competitive stress as it is so we are really struggling to be gentlemanly about it because underneath that full spawn homie there's a simmering bubbling cauldron of
We spend a ludicrous amount of time working on these pathetic songs each week.
So we do get genuinely annoyed about it.
And I believe that Joe Cornish is unfairly won.
How many have I won there?
About four.
You've won four, I've won one.
Is it four, two?
No, one.
It's five, one.
5-1, is it?
5-1 to Cornish.
Oh, for goodness sake.
I mean, that genuinely, Dan, makes me furious and makes me think that... You thought I... You would think I would become arrogant, but isn't it incredible how humble I remain?
Like I said the other day to Joe, something about, oh, well, you know, it doesn't matter.
I mean, it's obviously very few people vote and Joe said, that's just because you haven't won.
And he really meant it.
Okay, so there we go.
Is that good enough for you, Daniel?
Here's the results.
So let's just remind people that last week we wrote songs about, I'm a celebrity get me out of here.
Joe's was from the point of view of someone who didn't watch.
Mine was from the point of view of quite a big fan of the program.
Joe was less confident about his
than I was, and he did quite a lot of explaining before he played his track, I seem to remember, which featured... It needs contextualising.
Yeah, which featured the chant... What was it?
Yeah, Kamu.
Yeah, Kamu.
Yeah, Kamu.
I do not watch it, I got better things to do.
Mine was a kind of Funboy 3-type song.
Mine was from the point of view of a guy who was chucked out first.
I was voted out first, do you remember?
Yeah, it was fun.
Who can forget, but we can't play you clips because only the winner gets played.
Only the winner gets played, so let's hear it.
And here is the winner.
If Joe wins this week, it's a disgrace.
I've won.
Oh my goodness!
By 74%.
74%!
74 to 26.
You see, that just suggests to me that it's not about the music at all.
It's just a sort of personality vote.
And I don't know, they're voting for the tall one.
It's all, oh, let's vote for the tall one.
So this is tricky for you, isn't it?
Is that 6-1?
So you now have to win six in a row?
Well, no, because you have to win the next five.
I'll tell you what's happening now.
It's exactly like I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.
People fixate on voting for just one person, you know, like it was this time it was Janice did all the trials.
And now they're just thinking, oh, it's funny that Adam always loses.
Let's vote for Joe again.
That's what they're thinking, because it's not about the music, because frankly, my song was a little bit better than yours last week.
Do you think?
A little bit.
Some people agreed, there was some emails that agreed, but there were far more that disagreed.
Listen, let's have some real music to clear the air.
What are we going to do?
Are we going to play the winning song?
That's what I meant by real music.
Let's have some real music to clear the air.
This is my song about I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.
As Adam says, I've got to contextualise it because it's actually incomprehensible.
Oh no, I just did, didn't I?
Yes.
You know the chorus.
Here it is.
In the jungle every flippin' year We believe in spiders I do not care, I care more for the spiders Than the celebrities to switch it off Actually, that is not true I'm very fond of Charis Matthews I'm early in class when she's almost nude Very nice, yeah, come on
How many times do I have to see celebrities eating testes?
Try something new, please like TV Thanks a lot
Just up the stair, make a twenty-five brand just to appear
At least I'll watch it a lot less than you this will cheer you up Adam.
This is from Tom dog art It's an email dear Adam and Joe my vote for song wars this week goes to Adam simply for the verse of lyrical brilliance that is Excuse me small belch it ended too fast the first time round now I want another nibble on the cherry and when people see the real me they're going to like me very
You're reading it as if it's not brilliant.
He says, I wouldn't be surprised if there's an Ivan Avello in the post for you.
Thank you.
Well, I deserve one.
Honestly, it's not that yours was bad or anything.
It's just that I think people are going for the cheap laughs in some of your material and overlooking the more lyrical and emotional aspects of my work.
It's like that thing, you know that magic trick that Darren Brown does where you hold a coin in one fist?
Yes.
And you can guess, if you guess the first one, people usually follow a pattern of which one they'll then guess.
And Darren does it brilliantly, he can do it like for 10 or 11 or probably a million different guesses.
It's a bit like that, isn't it?
A little bit.
Can you predict kind of where the... Although that implies that there's nothing in it.
But it might just be that I'm the inferior songwriter.
That's where I was trying to get us to.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, we got finished.
We've got this week's Song Wars coming up later on in the programme, but let's leave that alone for the time being.
And before the news, let's have a little bit of Kings of Leon.
Why not?
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's time for the news read by Harvey Cooke.
On digital...
Sorry, I was just amusing myself there.
Why?
We didn't watch.
I was just thinking like the Dandy Warhols, right?
I was thinking of other names for bands where you could slightly manglerize the name of an artist, right?
Because obviously that's Andy Warhol with a D at the beginning.
So I was thinking of the, I'll say this very quickly and then move on, the Vincent van Cox.
Um, and then, uh, what other artists could you have?
I don't really know what you're thinking.
Well, you know what I'm saying?
Like, the idea for the Dandy Warhols is Andy Warhol with a D. Oh, I see what you mean, yeah.
Yeah.
So, like, uh, band names that are built out of slightly, um... Yeah, but just other artists.
There must be lots of other artists.
Almost like The Beatles.
Yeah.
That's just built out of a word, though.
Pueblo Picasso writes Jude, our producer.
Are they a band?
No.
Pueblo.
Yeah, but you'd want something
I don't know, you'd want something a little bit more... Not that Dandy Warhols is a filthy name.
But anyway, I was just slightly amusing myself at the end of that song there.
I wish I'd never mentioned it now.
It's turned into a terrible, terrible episode in my life.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music.
Happy Saturday morning.
It's time to talk about an exciting new DVD event.
Oh yeah.
Fans of sci-fi, of 80s sci-fi are all in a tither this weekend because, like Adam and I, they would have been out and bought the new Blade Runner.
DVD.
People have been waiting for it for years and years and years.
It's got a three and a half hour making of documentary.
It comes out in all sorts of different editions.
There's a two disc set.
There's a five disc set.
There's a steel briefcase.
I've got the briefcase.
Did you really buy the briefcase?
Yes, I did.
You can when you go on holiday, we're gonna pack your pants in it.
Yes.
I carry it around with me everywhere Have you really got the briefcase?
Wait, I'm talking about that.
No, is it an actual briefcase?
Yeah, it's an actual Oh, no, I've got the metal box that opens from both sides.
Yeah that opens from both sides Why does it open from both sides in case you in case you want to one side you can open one sides for humans and the other sides for replicants and
Now one side you get the little lenticular.
Is that what it's called?
It's called a lenticular.
You get a free Blade Runner lenticular.
It's set in Perspex.
You tilt it and it looks like Deckard's pointing the gun.
Lenticular.
And it's sat there in a little foamy cover thing and then the other side you get direct access to the DVDs.
Oh I see.
So one lid is for lenticular access, the other.
Do you really think that's why?
I think it must be.
It means you can't it can't be used for biscuits once you've eaten the DVDs it can't be used for storing biscuits because you might open the wrong top side and they might fall out.
It could have just been a mistake they could have just manufactured wonky.
But it's a terrific thing and you know because it's the first weekend after its release a lot of people will be digging through those extras this weekend and if you haven't bought it and you're a fan of films then what are you thinking?
What are you thinking?
Gotta buy it.
And if you're a fan of extras, oh my lord!
But I tell you what, on those films, there's a lot of stuff coming out at the moment before Christmas that is extras packed.
Well, this week is an exciting week, isn't it?
All the video games and DVDs that they've been storing up finally come into the shops.
Like, help the Beatles film is re-released.
Re-released with lots of extras, but the extras are getting the thumbs down on the internet for help.
But can we stick to Blade Runner?
Absolutely, yeah, but I was gonna say the extras on Blade Runner are top notch so far.
Can I tell you my highlights because I've watched most of them and I would recommend that you do buy that tin because it's got that amazing documentary but it's also got a special thing you'll find tucked away on I think disc four and it's just called deleted scenes and outtakes.
But what it actually is, is 40 minutes.
It's kind of like another version of Blade Runner.
It's a whole narrative made out of dropped scenes and also made out of all the rejected voiceover that Harrison Ford did.
Because famously they tried to rescue the narrative by getting Harrison Ford to do lots of super on the nose, expositionary internal monologue
Voiceover yeah does that make sense yeah exactly dude just because they felt that it was too confusing the whole thing And he just needed to really boldly say so he was contractually obliged to do this they stuck him in a voiceover booth And he had to say stuff like I wasn't sure whether she was a replica or a human I wasn't sure whether I was a replica or a human yeah, but what is human?
who knows stuff like that stuff that doesn't need to be said out loud yeah uh so there's loads of that voiceover on this amazing 40-minute kind of uh weird bad version of blade runner yeah with with goofy scenes in there there's one scene where he goes to visit you know the bloke at the beginning of the film who gets blasted by leon but yeah the blade runner who harrison who decard replaced
in the office.
And you always assume, watching the film as it exists, that that guy just dies when he gets blasted by Leon.
But in this off-cut version, he survives and he's in a sort of little stasis chamber in a hospital thing that looks very much like a set from Alien.
Yeah, like the hypersleep part.
Yeah, and it's lit very similarly.
So it's weird to see Deckard wandering into this little scene from Alien almost.
There's quite a good bit when that guy realizes that Deckard has slept with Rachel, he accuses him of making love to a fridge.
Did you get that line?
Haven't got there yet.
Yeah, he says it in a slightly ruder way.
So that's brilliant.
And the other thing to check out is they've got all the trims from every single take.
So they've got the little bits from before the director called action and after he called cut.
from every single take and they've put a lot of it in the documentary and it shows Harrison Ford getting really angry with Sean Young who's very young and inexperienced and the best little clip is when they're having their love scene and Sean Young is kissing Harrison Ford and you know all men out there will sympathize with a moment when you're feeling sexy you think you're sexy and then a woman laughs at you
right and it can be really awful if a woman laughs when you think you're feeling seriously sexy at the wrong moment at the wrong moment and there's there's there's a bit where they're acting of course but there's a bit where Harrison's looking very sexy and uh and uh she's uh laughing at him yeah she just breaks out of her part and laughs at him he looks so angry
He looks furious.
He turns around.
I think he's furious partly because he just wants to get the take done, you know.
Yeah.
But also he's in the moment.
She's yanked him out.
And they've got some great little moments as well when they play you the sort of outtakes from his voiceover sessions as well from the various different voiceover sessions.
And he he reads the line and then you hear him at the end of the line saying, this is weird.
This is rubbish.
What is this?
We're not going to use this.
This is so strange.
And and then the guy supervising the voiceover sessions sort of gets a bit shirty with him.
Did you say, did I hear you saying that you weren't gonna do this?
And he says, no, sir.
No, that's okay.
Carry on.
It's fantastic.
And we highly recommend it, but we should say there are other DVD box sets available in the shops.
He's good though, isn't he, Riddles?
He's the king.
He's a master.
Anyway, listen, music time.
Here's Ian Brown with Sister Rose.
Ooh, it just suddenly popped out there.
What did?
Ian, he just suddenly popped out for a little, er, for some milk or something and left the song just hanging there.
Sister Rose, that was, folks.
You're already upset about that, aren't you, Joe?
Um, yeah, deeply.
I was just crying.
Listen, you can text us on 64046 or email us AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk at any point during the show.
Thanks for, er, text incidentally about
artists whose names could be manglerized to make the names of pop bands.
We've had Damien Hirst.
Quite good.
Never mind the Jackson Pollocks.
Quite good.
That's quite good, isn't it?
That's an obvious one.
But brilliant.
But hey, we're not going to read it out on edge.
It's too filthy.
Too dirty.
But listen, it's time to focus your attentions on a different text-based exercise because it's time for...
Text.
Text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text.
It's the nation's favourite feature.
Text the nation where we ask you to text us.
And this week the subject of the texting is sort of carried over from something we were talking about last week which was things that make life worth living.
Last week we played a clip from the film Manhattan where Woody Allen is making his personal list of the things that make life worth living.
And we are... What are you looking at me like that for?
Nothing.
Why are you doing a wonky look?
I'm not.
You did?
You can't just do a wonky look and then just like... Did I say... I'll tell you during the next song.
Did I say like a part of the female anatomy of something?
No, no, no, no.
I'll tell you during the next song.
People are going to be thinking, why is it?
And then maybe I'll be able to explain once he's told you, me folks.
Look, you see, I'm completely confused now.
You speak.
So the subject of Text the Nation this week is little things in life that make you happy.
It's a text the nation designed to make everybody feel all warm and fuzzy and happy.
But listen, it's not just things that make you happy.
That's what it says on the website I noticed.
It's not just things that make you happy.
It's things that make life worth living.
Is that different?
It's slightly different.
Let's explain the difference.
Well, things that make you happy are being tickled.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Or, you know... It's slightly... It feels like... Okay, they need to be satisfying, not just... They don't just cheer you up, but they're kind of weirdly satisfying in a kind of cosmic way, you mean.
Yeah.
They kind of scratch a weird metaphysical itch that other things don't.
There's something of the existential about them.
They make you happy to be alive.
Exactly.
Glad to be alive.
Okay, fair enough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cheapers.
Okay, here we go.
With some that have come in during the week.
Yeah, go on then.
Okay, this is from Peter Green.
He says, little things in life that make me happy.
He's got it wrong.
Number one, going to the cinema to watch a film and finding you have the cinema all to yourself.
That's a perfect one.
That's a very good one.
You can stretch your legs out over the seat in front.
You can eat smelly food.
Also feel a bit sad about the demise of the cinema guy.
Without fear of reprisals.
Number two, the feeling of putting your clothes on after you've been swimming.
That's a brilliant one.
Getting dressed again, and you have a weird sort of raw feeling on your body, and I like it.
I don't know if I agree with that one.
I agree with that one.
I remember it from childhood, going swimming at school, and how wonderful it would be to leave the pool again.
Smelling of... chlorine.
You've got a shower.
You have a shower.
Even if you shower, though, the chlorine's industrial strength, usually.
I like it.
It's like getting wrapped up in a kind of duvet.
Number three, letting out a huge burp after suffering from an extended period of car, motion or alcohol-induced sickness.
That's true.
That's a good one.
Nice bit of relief.
So just the release of internal wind.
Everyone likes that.
From the mouth area.
Nobody likes it from the bottom area.
It's nice if you're on your own, though.
Going for a wee and not... Oh no, I can't read that one.
Five, knowing that Michael Winner likes to eat his pudding before he has his main course.
Is that true?
I don't think we agree with that one.
That's just ludicrous.
I'll tell you one that I thought of was, um, what, clean sheets.
That's an obvious one, isn't it?
Yeah, that was on my list.
Fresh, freshly changed.
Oh yeah.
Freshly changed treats.
Yeah, that's a smash.
And, uh, planes landing when your plane lands.
That's a good feeling, isn't it?
Everyone's happy then.
Yeah.
To the extent that some people start clapping, which is unnecessary.
Hey, Peter Green's fact number 10 is remembering the look on the guy's faces when I told them I was leaving Fleetwood Mac.
I think that's because I mentioned the fact that maybe he was from Fleetwood Mac last week.
Because he's a regular texter, Peter.
But listen, if you've got lists of those little metaphysical things, you know, those cosmic itches that certain things in life scratch, then email us at AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk or text on 64046, they needn't be lists, they can just be one-off thoughts kind of thing.
Now I'm going to find out what the whole funny look was about.
And while I do that, this is one of your tracks, Joe.
Yes, it is.
This is another tribute to Riddles, Sir Ridley Scott.
He's got a film in a cinemas.
I haven't seen it yet, but my dad saw it and said he loved it.
My dad loved it.
American Gangster.
My dad thought it was brilliant.
He thought it was much better than The Departed.
I didn't really like The Departed.
Two thumbs up from Mr Cornish.
Yeah, so I'm excited now about going to see American Gangster.
And this is from that, but it's an old one.
This is Bobby Womack across 110th Street.
There we go, Bobby Womack with Across 110th Street.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.
And that's a song that is kind of a duer-a-gueur for every 70s movie set in America.
Well, I remember it particularly from Jackie Brown.
I don't think I'd heard it used in a film before Jackie Brown, though.
Maybe you're right.
Well, it was used in the film Across 110th Street.
Of course, it's the title track.
So that film.
But of course Tarantino is so canny isn't he?
He wouldn't just use any old track out there.
No, absolutely.
He wouldn't use White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane for example, which has been used in every single film, especially in a film with drug sequences.
And do you remember that film Stoned, the Stephen Woolley film about Brian Jones from the Roland Stones?
I couldn't believe that he did a whole drug montage with White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane.
What's he thinking about?
Hey folks, incidentally I found out what they were giggling about before and it was just because when I started speaking I was adjusting my packet right through my genes and so they started giggling about it and then Joe didn't feel it was appropriate to mention but it totally threw me off just because of a little packet jiggling.
Anyway, that's what it was all about.
Here's a session recorded for Gideon Co on the 3rd of May 2006.
In the hub right here, right next door.
This is Primal Scream with dolls.
There you go.
That's E-Pro by Beck.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on a Saturday morning.
Nearly Christmas.
It's nearly Christmas.
It's quite a revolting day outside here in London.
Hope it's nicer for you where you are.
It's going to be a dodgy weekend, apparently.
There's a big storm that's going to rip across Britain tomorrow.
Oh, not another one.
Yeah.
Is it the perfect storm with George Clooney?
Hopefully, because then it'll be hunky.
Cos then, it'll be so hunky!
Are we gonna do... What were you finding about other genome projects?
Well, this week I happened to see something on BBC television called the Richard Dimbleby Lecture.
I don't know whether any listeners stumbled upon it, but it's the sort of thing you don't get on telly anymore.
Has he got a fight?
No, it hasn't got fights.
Can you vote people out?
No, that's why it's surprising to find it on telly.
And I don't know if anybody saw it, but it was a sort of a big BBC event.
Is there dancing?
No, it was sponsored sponsored.
It was kind of it's the Richard Dimbleby lecture.
So it's an important, you know, he's a big guy in terms of the values of the BBC.
And every year, obviously, they have this important lecture where they ship a brilliant person in, and all the BBC bigwigs have to turn up and listen to it, and it gets broadcast.
It's obviously something that they've been trapped into doing because of some sort of remit or something.
I'm sure they don't want it on.
Yeah, exactly.
But it's on, like 11 on a Tuesday.
And they had this guy called Dr. J. Craig Venter, who was instrumental in mapping the human genome.
And he was giving a big speech about the future, about genetics.
And he was the most untill visually friendly guy I've ever seen.
He couldn't speak.
And he was using about four autocues and he was having trouble getting from one autocue to the next.
Do you know what I mean?
He was trying to make his eye line look realistic as if he had learnt this stuff, but in doing so he was switching from an autocue on the right of the auditorium to an autocue on the left of the auditorium, but he was doing that mid-word.
Right.
That is why the human genome is such an important that kind of thing.
Yeah.
And then so that was quite interesting because you don't get a lot of that on telly and it immediately makes it quite compelling someone who's just really incapable.
Gross incompetence.
Yeah.
He was brilliant.
This is one of the most brilliant men in the world, being clumsy and untellivial.
And then watching this, it kept cutting away to the audience, because obviously just a locked off shot of this guy's... He looked a bit like James Cameron to paint the picture.
That this locked off shot of this guy talking wasn't that interesting.
So they kept cutting away to the audience.
In the audience was everyone who mattered in the BBC.
And it was like watching a school assembly.
Dick and Dom.
Because depending on their different... Dick and Dom hadn't been invited.
But depending on their status within the BBC, there was a different level of interest.
Mark Thompson, the king of the big British castle, the head of the BBC, was there.
He was quite literally leaning forward in his seat, leaning as close to this guy as he could, resting his chin on his fist with a look of rapt.
Like, I'm really absorbing all of this.
The BBC are going to go genetic.
We're somehow going to put the BBC into people's genomes.
G-Zone.
Yeah, G-Zone, the BBC G. It's a new genetic channel where we'll actually clone listeners.
And then I think David Bellamy was there looking... It's a bit like the Hello Woman who reviews the films by leaning forward or back in her seat.
There were a couple of BBC staffers who appeared to be asleep on each other's shoulders.
Was Graham Norton there?
Norton wasn't there.
I don't know why he wasn't there.
But and then Tony Robinson was there doing his best time team, you know, he was doing his best to look interested, but seemed to be sort of nodding off.
And then there were one or two people who were looking bored.
But when the camera came onto them and they were aware that the camera was onto them, they started taking notes.
Yeah.
They suddenly started to look quite interested.
All that said and done though, what this guy was saying was quite optimistic for the future of the world.
Oh, that's good.
Do you want me to go into it?
I'd like a little bit.
Can you give me a tiny slice of easily digestible optimism?
Disruptive technology.
If we're cynical that politicians aren't going to save the world from global warming and stuff, he's saying that someone will invent something that will just change the world.
Well, this is what we want.
of disruptive technology exactly because if human beings are good for anything they're good at adapting right yes so so someone will invent a new type of fuel that will be so powerful that people will just have to use it you crazy fuel yeah okay now folks after this track we are going to launch song wars for this week wow we've got some amazing stuff to play you but first here are the baby shambles
Hmm Kate Moss there with you talk those baby channels.
I'm joking but Kate Moss helped write it apparently we're told Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music and it's time to launch this week's Oh See, I mean I built them right now.
It's time for song wars
Listen the test, so check it out.
It started out as a bit of light-hearted fun, and after six weeks, it's turned into something horrible.
Yeah.
Is that what somebody has tested in?
Listeners resentment.
Yeah.
A simmering, bubbling choreography.
Now, that's good, man.
This is our fortune we're making here, right?
We're going to, folks, we've composed an original song every week for the last six weeks, and one day we're going to release all these, and we're going to make five pounds.
We've got to join PRS.
We're in PRS.
Are we?
Yeah, I get checks for 15p from our football song every year.
Really?
You're getting all the money.
You've got to split it.
I want my 6.5b.
So listen, the theme of this week's song Wars was suggested by Nathan in South London.
And he sent this email on the 26th of November 2007.
Two minutes past four in the afternoon.
For this week's theme, what do you say to a film soundtrack?
I was thinking specifically fictional sequels, but admittedly that's mainly because I'd like to hear your take on Teen Wolf 3.
But anything along that line, franchises that wouldn't really stand up to being resurrected, you know we haven't really done what he suggested.
No, we've gone basically for exit music for a film, like a closing film theme that never was, you know what I mean?
For films, the classic example being Men in Black, of course.
Here come the men in black.
Will Smith is the king of the exit music.
The classic example, what was the first song written specifically for the closing credits of a film that then became a hit?
There's a question for listeners.
I feel as if it was Back to the Future or something like that, you know?
Was Ghostbusters pre-Back to the Future?
It was pretty bad.
Yes.
So anything earlier than Ghostbusters?
If you can figure that one out, text 64046.
We're trying to be an interesting factoid.
Yeah, that would be an interesting factoid.
So basically, we have had to come up with songs for films that probably should never have had them.
and quite rightly didn't and sort of inappropriate films you know inappropriate music for films people immediately suggested things like Schindler's List that kind of thing because Schindler's List is the film that jumps to mind that is the most serious film of all time isn't it like if you want if you want an example of a film that is not to be laughed at or taken lightly people immediately think of Schindler's List as a film that's low on laughs
Another good example would be, what was the one with Jodie Foster, the horrific rape one?
The accused.
So we got these kind of suggestions through, but we haven't gone quite there.
The accused is a good example of, you know, a tricky clue to give someone this Christmas over a game of charade.
Yeah, that would be fun with your Nana acting out the accused.
But we haven't gone that direction.
You'll be glad to hear.
Who wants to start?
I think I started last week.
I want to go second.
OK, OK.
You're getting into the whole psychology of it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Alright, well this is my one, and listeners, we'd very much like you to vote for your favourite ones.
Text 64046 or email adamandjoe.6musicatpbc.co.uk and vote for either my one or Adam's.
Here's my one, this is for the film The Shining.
And this was suggested by GP, aka Giles Pocklington, who emailed us.
So you have to and this is a kind of a kind of a Joe Cocker and Jennifer warns style, you know They did the theme tune for for officer and a gentleman So it's that kind of thing.
It's kind of rousing.
I had a bit of a cold during the week So I've had to go throaty on it
I went throaty as well.
I had the same sort of thing, yeah.
So picture this.
You're in the cinema.
Are you ready, Jude?
You're standing by.
You're in the cinema.
What's the last scene of The Shining?
He's all frozen in the head.
And then it just cuts to black, doesn't it?
I think so.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It's good.
And so imagine that.
Jack Frost is all frosty, and you've just been through two hours of traumatizing, spooky hotel ghost hell.
The credits start to roll, and this kicks in.
The shining, the shining Everybody's got the shining You're shining, I'm shining
Everybody's got the shot In the Overlook Hotel He went to write a book But ended up going to hell His wife Wendy tried to calm him down But for her trouble nearly got an axe in her crown
Their son Danny had a special gift But how's it gonna help with all the blood in the lift?
Can't the little kid just play on his trike?
Without dead twin sisters giving him a fright, yeah The shining, the shining Everybody's got the shining, your shining
Everybody's got the shine Look out now, Jack's out to destroy Cos all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy Jack thought he was in sexy lady heaven Now he's snogging a crone in room 237 Here comes Halloran to save the day But Jack chops him in two after he came all that way
That last verse there, that's nice and throaty there.
Doesn't make much sense though, uh, referring to the fact that everyone's got it on DVD.
You stepped out of the thing there a little bit.
I did, I went meta, but...
That's for the restored edition of The Shining.
It's for the re-release.
Right.
Yeah.
For a new audience.
That's interesting.
I really tried not to go Metro online because the temptation was to mention the name of the actors and all that kind of stuff.
But I tried to stay within the thing as if it would have been released.
And I went for, I was thinking about, here's some films I was thinking about doing a song for.
Jinderbein.
Right.
I haven't seen that one.
No one has.
That's quite a sort of fraught emotional drama, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's the direction I was heading.
And I thought, and because no one has really seen Chindebein, I stayed away from that one.
And I went for another film that I hadn't seen, and that maybe a lot of listeners might not have seen.
Nice choice.
But I decided, but I watched it, right?
So I started writing the song before I'd seen it, and then I watched it, The Hours.
with Meryl Streep.
This is the Virginia Woolf film.
The Virginia Woolf film.
Directed by Billy Elliot, man.
Exactly.
Stephen Daldry.
Yeah, with Nicole Kidman with a plastic nose.
She won an Oscar.
I tried to watch it.
I switched it off after she, the very first scene, is her walking into a river and drowning.
Exactly.
Because that's what Virginia Woolf did.
You know what?
I enjoyed the film.
Did you?
Yeah.
It had kind of an emotional impact on me.
Really?
Yes.
And then I went, do you know what I did?
I went and I bought Mrs. Dalloway the book, because I'd never read it before, and I'm enjoying it.
So I kind of, during the week, turned into a sort of lady man.
And this film, I hope you've seen it, it'll mean a lot more to you if you've seen it, but I hope it'll have some resonance even if you haven't.
This is a kind of driving power ballad.
No, it's not a power ballad, it's more of a kind of house.
euro house type techno very different for the hours check it out
is reading Mrs. Dalloway.
It is about a woman's day making party plans.
A housewife in the fifties is reading Mrs. Dalloway.
A woman in the noughties is making party plans.
Three women with unwelcome obligations to the men in the lives that they feel they never chose.
and wishing they could just escape like Virginia Woolf with her wonky plastic nose.
I choose not the suffocating and aesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the Capitol.
It was a tragedy that Virginia Will felt she had to drown herself Just because she was depressed and she was bisexual In those days both those subjects were not well understood Nowadays there's lithium and lots of bendy friends, yes How will you fill up the hours of your lady life?
Will you serve, pathetic man?
Will you be a wife?
I chose life.
Will you just read Grazia and bake your stupid cakes?
Does that really make you happy?
I think you deserve a lovely party.
Mrs. Dalaway said you'd buy the flowers herself.
Sally, I think I'll buy the flowers myself.
Of course, of course.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's got so many things.
It's samples.
I know I went with samples.
Harmonies.
Nice harmonies going on there.
Thanks a lot.
A German rap is always good for a house tune to have like a serious German rap.
Who was the German rap?
Was it Snap?
had the German rapper.
Yes, I'm serious, it's cancer.
That's right.
Yeah, because rhythm is a dancer.
Yeah.
That one, it was reminding me of that.
That was extraordinary.
I've never seen The Hours but I've read quite a bit of Virginia Woolf and that made me reconsider a lot of things.
Yeah, good, I'm glad.
It's worth seeing The Hours, you know, I was really dreading it.
I don't need to see it now that I've heard that song so please listeners vote 64046 Adam or Joe or if you're listening to this on Listen Again you can vote via email AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk Now here is a piece of great exit music by the legendary David Bowie this film this was for the film Falcon and the Snowman and it's sort of on just on the verge of being ludicrous this song for the film The Falcon and the Snowman don't you think?
Yeah, but it's a terrific film and the soundtrack is by Pat Matheny.
Yeah, and this is I think Bowie and Pat Matheny.
That's right Yeah, it's directed by John Schlesinger with Sean Penn Timothy Hutton It's a brilliant film and the route he goes down is to take a line from the film Where Timothy Hutton is complaining.
Hey, this wouldn't happen in America and the guard says this is not America And Bowie takes takes that line.
This is brilliant though.
This is like Bowie at his kind of pomp pompous best.
Yeah Yeah, yeah, check it out
That's good stuff man, almost as good as the music that Bowie did for Labyrinth.
God to God to get me out of here.
I love underground.
That's a smash that one.
Dance baby dance.
That's when he's juggling the babies.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC six music.
We're coming up to midway through our exciting Saturday morning show.
We're here with you till noon.
All sorts of stuff going on.
We're asking you to vote for song wars.
We're asking you to send us your lists of things that make life worth living.
What else are we asking them to do?
Well, later on, we're going to ask them to start sending in stuff to help us do our Christmas pre-records.
But we'll tell you about that a bit later.
You know, just to facilitate a little holiday time for myself, Jo, and our respective families and loved ones, we're going to pre-record a couple of the shows that we're doing around Christmas time.
We want to be transparent about that.
We wouldn't like to lie to you.
There's serious penalties for lying here at the big British castle.
Uh, me just electrocution of all bodily parts, that kind of thing.
So, you know, uh, full transparency is what we're advocating.
I'm just rambling.
Did you notice that?
That's good.
I like it.
Now here's a track that we were going to play last week I selected for you and the computers sort of did a giant poo on the track and refused to play it.
So I hope that's not going to happen this week.
It's a lovely song from the Atlantic vaults.
Is it from the Atlantic?
Yes it is.
It's Laverne Baker with Saved.
There you go, that's Laverne Baker with a little, uh, ironical semi-religious, uh, fun about forswearing vices.
Good for the time of year, of course, but now it's time for the news read by Harvey Cooke with music news from Ellie Davis.
On digital radio.
Text the nation.
Text, text, text, text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.
It's time for Text the Nation, the nation's favourite feature.
This is where the government provide us with a kind of a survey question that they need answered because there's some new policy hinged around it.
And we ask you and you tell us, then we deliver the results to Gordon Brown.
It puts them in the bin and ignores them.
Yeah, right, Gordon Brown.
Thanks a lot, government.
Yeah.
Represent the people.
I don't think so.
Democracy will happen to them.
Right.
Fortress Britain.
What?
I don't know.
Those aren't anyone's opinions, really.
Here's a good one.
We got to kind of whittle this down because the subject is it's not just things that make you happy in a kind of loose and broad way.
It's kind of things that are weirdly satisfying, but, you know, cost nothing and just sort of happen suddenly.
Is that right?
You know, sort of it's hard to pin down, but here's one that illustrates it brilliantly.
This has come in from, hey, guess who it's coming from?
Gordon Brown.
Daniel Pate.
Daniel Pate.
Dan Pate again.
Sorry, making that awful joke about your name.
Daniel Pate over again.
He says, Hi Adam and Joe, it makes me happy when the Windows startup chime happens to be in the same key as the song I'm listening to.
Yeah, that is nice.
That opens a whole can of lovely worms about just serendipitous musical or rhythmical things.
Like I love it when I'm in the car and listening to music and the tick of the indicator.
fits with the rhythm of the record.
It can also happen with the windscreen wipers.
They often sort of fall in and out of rhythm.
That's right.
But for those several bars where they're in perfect synchronicity with the music, oh, that's exactly what we're talking about.
It's good.
And sometimes when you're listening to a track on your headphones, you're outside, and sirens or something will invade.
They're in tune.
And they're in tune, or they sound like a good sample.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's a good siren.
Yeah, good siren.
Here's one from Dave Cluff.
He says, he's written a whole list, but the one that stands out for me here is the last five minutes of work before a long holiday.
Even when you were at school and it was sort of five minutes before the end of a lesson, there'd be a sort of unspoken atmosphere, a kind of mutual consciousness that didn't really matter this five minutes.
And it's even possible to do quite good work in that time as well, do you know what I mean?
Because you're sort of liberated from any feeling of kind of obligation.
Yeah, because there's very much light near the end of the tunnel.
But yeah, you're right.
If it's sort of 10 minutes, if you've got to, you know, get to a particular time, a set time on a clock when you'll suddenly be freed from work or school or something, it can be, yeah, the minutes leading up to that can be really nice.
Yeah.
Extra nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Say yeah more.
Yeah.
Here's another good one from Andrew Cox.
He says, finding clothes in your wardrobe that you really like, but you'd forgotten existed.
Yeah, that's a good one.
I tell you, the other version of that is if you're living with someone, sometimes your partner
just nicks your clothes and they sort of secrete them in their cupboard and they forget that they were there so it's like an extra level of lost clothosity and sometimes for whatever reason you find them and you think oh man i thought they were way gone and then yeah you find that your girlfriend's been using your favorite baggy t-shirt for the last 15 years or whatever for going to the gym i don't know what that's good that was a very kind of everyman situation my girlfriend's using my baggy t-shirt and going to the gym
Something out of a deodorant adverse.
I was trying to make myself look heterosexual.
Well done.
Olivia Chan says she sends us a list as well and one of her good ones is getting the hang of a foreign transport system and almost feeling like a local.
I really like that as well.
If you're on holiday in a foreign country and you find yourself behaving as if you live there, you know, nobody's pointing at you or noticing you, you're putting the tickets in the
subway gates in the right way yeah that can feel pretty cool that is good like the time you return to a city like Paris or something and you think yeah i know exactly where i'm going uh-huh not a problem for me hello bonjour Paris it's me again hello your friend i don't know what i'm talking about oh here's one from Karen Bruquilla
Yeah, what do you reckon the translation is on that?
Uh, brachial.
Brachial.
Karen, that's how you pronounce it.
Brachial.
She says, uh, one of the things that makes her feel very satisfied is her cat snoring brackets.
It's more of a sort of a squeak.
Now my cat does that as well.
Yeah.
And it's very moving.
It's sort of.
It's such a the cat doesn't know it's making the noise it's it's not like a proud or you know cats are usually quite Mannered and and you know considered about everything they do.
Yeah, not when they snore.
It's a stupid noise It makes the cat sound like some sort of squeaky toy from hamleys Which is exactly what you want from a from a hoity-toity cat.
Oh
Quite right.
Ah, that's nice.
Let's have some more of these in a second.
But first, here is... We didn't choose this, did we?
This is just... I'm not... I'm not like... I'm not like dissing the track.
It's the wonderful Jay-Z with rock boys brackets and the winner is...
There we go, Jay-Z with Rock Poison, the winner is.
That's also from the film American Gangster.
Is it?
Yeah, we're kind of overloaded on American Gangster stuff.
Is that a new song?
It's a new song, yeah.
It's Jay-Z's comeback album.
His previous album was kind of, I think it was called The Blueprint.
It was kind of slightly critically dismissed.
But this one's supposed to be better.
And it is better.
I'd like to know what that sample is.
It sounds like some kind of marching band.
Or a kind of mariachi band or something.
Is it a sample, I wonder?
I do not know.
It does sound too good to be invented by Jay-Z.
Jay-Z, who is a very talented man?
Of course he is.
He's one of the richest men in the world, isn't he?
Is that true?
Yeah.
He is joining it.
What's wrong with that?
Nothing, I'm just saying.
It's a little fact.
Yeah.
I mean, he's lucky.
He's lucky.
Well done.
He's lucky?
Well done, Jay-Z.
Do you sometimes really... Like, when do you most wish you just had a lot of money?
You know, like, every now and again you sort of think it suddenly hits you like,
Man, I wish I had like a million quid.
You don't have to answer that.
Yeah, I kind of live near to the flight path.
I'd like to move away from all the planes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you know, like sometimes when they tell you what the rollover is on the lottery and usually you don't really focus on it, but every now and again you actually entertain the idea of winning that amount of money and just how, I mean, this is a very banal sentiment, but how much your life would change and everything, you know what I mean?
Now I'm going to stop talking.
Do we have any more texts there for Text the Nation about things that make life worth living?
We do, yes.
We've got lots of brilliant ones.
One thing I was thinking was, and this is another slightly banal one, but a glass of water.
Sometimes a cold glass of water, when you really need it,
is the best drink you could possibly have ever.
Rehydrates you in a way that no other drink does obviously if you drink too much beer than the alcohol dehydrates you it's a diuretic but a Lovely cold beer after a long bit of jogging or cycling particularly, you know is great hits the absolute spot That's why that scene in ice cold analysis So good, you know and they used it for a Heineken I didn't they for a long time
Here's a good one from Ellie that's come in via text.
She says, brushing your teeth when you're at a festival.
Oh, that's a good one.
Brushing your teeth generally is a much underrated pick-me-up.
Don't just do it in the morning or the evening.
Do it in the middle of the day.
Do you brush your tongue?
Sometimes.
Yeah, I've stopped doing that now that I use an electric... I've noticed.
Yeah, yeah, it's my tongue very furry.
I'm gonna rectify that during the week with some scraping.
Let's have a bit more music.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
What is it now?
Oh, it's time for the blue tones.
Yeah, this is called Thank You, Not Today.
Back for lashes with Priscilla.
Have you seen the video for that?
Yeah, it's great.
It's good, isn't it?
Dougal Wilson.
Yeah.
He did a bit of work on my BBC pilot, Dougal Wilson.
Nice.
And he won an MTV award for that, I think.
Best video.
Yeah, it's a great video.
Worth checking out on YouTube.
Well worth checking out also.
She's attractive.
She's got it all locked down there.
She's got new sound.
as well she's called a new sound she's made something that sounds a bit new she's like for Alexa Chung with music skills really in my mind you know to me yeah Alexa Chung's attractive she's attractive but she hasn't got the music skills she hasn't she's she going out with
I don't know.
I thought she was going out with a guy from the Arctic Monkeys.
I thought that was just a rumor and a lie.
I want her to go out with me.
Man.
And because she doesn't, I don't like her.
Right.
And I find her presenting style on that program annoying.
She's a good presenter.
If she went out with me, I'd like it.
Anyway.
All respect to Alex Turner, though.
He's a lucky man.
But he's got the chops.
You see, he can write a tune.
You say I can't write a tune?
Well I don't know if Alexa Chung listens to Song Wars but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be impressed by it.
I think we should get her in here and I'm going to play it really loudly so it vibrates her bits.
Now I was watching TV.
What's the matter with that?
There's nothing rude about that.
It's nice though.
Carry on talking.
Nice image.
I was watching TV earlier this week.
I don't know if you've ever seen TV, Joe.
It's like a magic box in the corner of a room.
You can use it as a light.
But as well as providing illumination, it also has what they call programs on it.
And one of the programs that I watched this week in the afternoon was called Food Poker.
Now, this is a real show.
It's not like an invented show.
It's real.
And many of our listeners might be familiar with it, especially if they're unemployed or in prison.
But Food Poker is a BBC show.
Here's a little synopsis for you.
It's a BBC tea time television program, I'm reading from Wikipedia here, which fuses traditional culinary skills with poker.
The show involves chefs being dealt two food cards and then they can use up to three ingredients from five or more shared ingredient cards.
The chefs then decide in secret what dish they will prepare and then choose either to pitch their idea or fold if they believe they can cook anything with the available ingredients.
Those who pitch their ideas must do so to the Food Poker Panel, which consists of seven food experts.
The panel then vote using poker chips for the two dishes they wish to see prepared.
There are three rounds, the savory cook-off, the sweet cook-off, and the final showcase cook-off.
And you watched this?
I watched it.
How was it?
Very good.
There's a surprise.
It wasn't that good.
And I just... It sounds like you'd waste a lot of food.
Yeah.
Do they waste food?
Do they just throw the food away if they, if they, I don't know poker terminology, but if they decide not to play the hand?
Scrimmage.
Scratch.
Scruffle.
Scruffle.
Do they just waste the food?
I don't know.
Surely not.
The Big British Castle.
What channel is this on?
This is the Big British Castle.
No.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
license payers money and presumably the profoundly cynical idea behind this show is just a fusion of two successful genres in the most bald possible way like why dress it up when you might shed a few poker or food fans you know what I mean so they're mixing ready steady crack yeah with poke late night poker late night poker and
uh because you know a lot of people like poker a lot of people like food shows let's do a program with both and we'll call it food poker that the voice of the commission that's the guy who commissioned really yeah what's wrong with him he's a he's a monster he's an actual monster yes from monsters incorporated yes it does nice frightening is scary really it's very scary yeah wow and here's some of the programs he's commissioned dance surgery
Dance surgery?
Yes.
How does that work?
Some surgeons they do an operation and they're dancing and people vote for them.
So they dance while they operate?
Yes.
I like it.
How clean is your child?
Because people like programs about children and cleaning so you have to clean some children and then they'll watch it.
That sounds quite good.
A dragon's house of tiny gardeners.
So it's a dragon who owns a house with tiny gardeners?
No!
Sorry.
It's like dragon's den with gardening and some of them are small.
So what, actual like pixies or just short?
Some of them are children, some of them are pixies.
and they're gone.
They have to vote for it.
You should write the next Shrek film.
I've finished it.
It's coming out next week.
How long did it take you?
Ten minutes.
It's the best one yet.
It's coming out next week.
I hear some music.
BBC.
Text-a-nation!
Text, text, text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Time now to wrap up the nation's favourite feature.
Before the jingle there, you heard the future heads with decent days and nights.
And Joe Cornish, do you have any... I'm in shock.
Are you?
I've just read a text that's voting for your song in Song Wars.
It says, Adam, exclamation mark, Joe's was rubbish this week.
Anyway, the shining ends with that weird black and white picture and the Moonlight with the Stars and You song, which was better.
How very cruel.
That is a little bit cruel.
Who so cowardly didn't even put his or her name.
How very cruel.
How very cruel.
Nice one.
Thanks man.
Incidentally, I'd just like to say, Sebastian, could you make us a cup of tea please?
Sebastian.
Because we got an email from a nice chap called Sebastian.
He's listening in Germany, was it?
Or is he Dutch?
I can't remember.
He's an artist.
Haven't you got the mail there?
Yeah, but it's under a thing.
He's an artist, yeah.
Yeah, he's Dutch.
He's living in Berlin.
Ah, there you go.
And this is exotic already.
And he listens to the show while he's at work in his studio.
What kind of art does he make?
He's called Sebastian with two A's at the end.
Sebastian Schleicher.
Sorry man, sorry I'm not pronouncing your name properly.
That's good, he sounds good.
So listen, hi Sebastian.
How are you doing?
Can you make us a little bit of tea?
So Text the Nation this week is all about things that sort of satisfy you in a kind of profound way and that are for free in the world, in life.
We've had some very good ones already but let's wrap it up with a with a final little review of some we've had in via text.
Here's a pretty good one.
The sound of rain when you're in bed.
That's true, and wind, strong wind as well, as long as there's no threat of immediate death or destruction.
But there's something about wind that's so strong that you think that the windows might break.
Yes, buffeting.
Yes, kind of, because here in England we don't... I mean, it's becoming less and less true because of what Al Gore's done.
Thanks very much, Al Gore!
We don't generally get extreme weather like what the Americans do with their typhoon shelters.
We get a lot of hurricanes there, you know, there's over about 100 or so every year.
It's true, but it's unusual when they destroy a heist.
It is unusual, yeah.
So one can sit in a house in Britain, and this is of course not true if you're living in a coastal area.
Or, in fact, I think I should backpedal on this whole thing.
Oh, don't offend the people in coastal areas.
All the Pennines!
All the listeners in the Pennines!
Well, we get a lot of stobs you had here.
They do, they do.
And weather is much more of a serious concern for a lot of people who live outside major cities.
But if you're smug enough to live in a major city, and there's weather, you don't usually get affected by it.
No, and it can be quite exciting.
It's one of the advantages of living in a city with protection of other people there Yeah in the middle of the streets and stuff but that's one of the nice things because you can fantasize that you've got a house in the country and And you're living out in the middle of nowhere and your windows are being
But to broaden it to everyone who lives anywhere, the sound of rain, generally, when you're inside, whether it be a tent or a car, especially a tent, I'd say, or a house, can be lovely.
Well, it can be.
If it's exciting, if it's like, I think, particularly a tent, because then it's an occasion anyway, you've gone camping and everything's a bit weird, but generally the sound of rain is pretty depressing.
If it's a Sunday or whatever and you're stuffed, you can't go outside.
That came in from Catherine and Edinburgh, and also from an anonymous person.
Ooh.
Who is anonymous?
There we go.
Yeah, maybe it's anonymous Nina person from What are they called the sweaters?
But what about putting on brand new socks after cutting your toenails?
That's very odd one very peculiar brand new socks after cutting your toenails Yeah, I know what I know what he or she means clackus that comes from in Cramlington in
Is that a real person in a real place?
Surely not.
Nobody knows.
Anyway, you know, to be perfectly honest, I was looking through these texts, I selected all the good ones, and then I pressed the wrong button and lost all the selections.
Never mind.
So maybe we'll come back to it.
Yeah.
But then again, maybe we won't.
So we can call that the end of Text the Nation unless we discover any real genius ones.
Later on in this, our final hour, we will be reminding you of this week's Song Wars, our exit music for films that never were.
But right now, here is... Who's this?
It's Thomas Tantrum.
Who's Thomas Tantrum?
It's Thomas Tantrum.
It's the latest thing.
They're an all-female group from Southampton.
It's their second single.
This is called Shake It, Shake It.
That's some toddlers who've done a song.
That's their second single.
Good stuff.
You know, the kids are going to enjoy that.
And by kids, I do mean under five.
It's all about shouty girls, shouty young girls.
I want to talk girls talking.
I'm not sure about it when girls in songs kind of shout speak.
Do you know what I'm saying?
It's a real thing that happens in a lot of that's kind of what sort of Nina from 99 left balloons.
Can we think of any other women that do kind of spoken singing?
Well, there's a few sort of indie bands that do it.
What was it, Life Without Buildings?
They would do a lot of shouts singing and... What are the precursors to that record?
Elastica, of course, that's a good example.
Yeah, 64046, if you can think of the music that's kind of led up to that kind of thing.
Thomas Tantrum, extraordinary business.
I thought it was like a new little kid's character, do you know what I mean?
It could be, maybe it is.
Maybe it's like a preschool cartoon about... Postman Patton, who's the guy who runs the underground?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
This will mean nothing to anyone who's not a parent maybe, but there's a character and he works in the underground.
It's pretty desperate stuff.
And he's a train driver, but on an underground train, which is the least glamorous train driving job you could ever hope for, presumably.
But they're mining the seam of people who drive all kinds of trains, and they've ended up with a logical conclusion with a guy who drives a train on the underground.
But rather than being a kind of surly chap, which you might expect from someone doing that kind of job, he's cheery and good for toddlers.
thing will you someone remind us will you text in now here's a track that I've chosen for you listeners hope you enjoy this might be a little bit too annoying like this is two sort of slightly annoying songs in quick succession but I hope you enjoy it it's from one of the best albums of the year I'm sure it's making everybody's list of top albums this year I'm talking about the album mirrored by the band battles who are from the America and this track is called Atlas
There you go.
Wow, it's sort of returned to Oz music.
It's good stuff, man.
Gnomes and skipping girls.
That's Battles with Atlas.
This is Adam and Joe here on 6 Music.
We've got a couple of factual inaccuracies that we stumbled into that we'd like to clear up right now.
Have we?
Oh, yeah, we were saying there that Thomas Tantrum, the band before that battles track, were an all-female group from Southampton.
But somebody has texted in to say, no, I've lost it now.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
To say, hello, boys, my mate Dave is in Thomas Tantrum, and I'm pretty sure he's not a girl.
From Lizzie in Rain Sucky, Southampton.
Well, Lizzie, you know, you should look very closely at Dave.
Yeah.
Because the Big British Castle has told us that it is an all-girl band.
It says here on my notes.
And they just wouldn't say something that was inaccurate.
It just wouldn't happen.
So there's a good chance that Dave has got some issues that he needs to check.
Everybody's lying these days.
Look at the canoe people.
And all that business... The canoe man, what is he thinking?
You know, it's all the rage to do elaborate deceit.
The thing about the canoe man, because at first you think, oh, that's kind of fun, isn't it?
Canoe reefs.
Keanu, yeah.
The thing about Keanu is that he and folks were talking about the chap who went missing five years ago and then turned up recently and it turns out that he's been, like, just...
living, hiding, hiding.
And at first you think that sounds fun because it's everyone's fantasy at some stage to pretend they've died and then just carry on and see how their life unfolds.
Yeah, everyone thinks about it, don't they?
And this guy was trying to escape from death and there's all sorts of reasons why you would like to reinvent your life in an anonymous way.
But it goes creepy when his sons are back at the house after the inquest into his death and he's hiding in the next room, unbeknownst to them.
That's a bit demented, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
Some people have also texted in other Shouty Lady bands, lots of people saying biz, of course.
Claire and Kingston saying that Lily Allen's responsible for all the terrible Shouty Girl Talk songs.
She's got a nice singing voice.
She doesn't do too much Shouty, does she?
She does.
Nico being mentioned as well by Robin Brighton.
Uh, lots more biz.
Kim, of course, in Sonic Youth, says David in Ealing.
Lena Lovitch says Rob in Birmingham.
Yeah.
Uh... The Slits.
Toya.
Hazel O'Connor as well.
Operator, please.
Don't know, operator, please.
Are they a band, or have I just misread that text?
It's so hard to tell these days.
And Bearsuit as well.
Someone emailed about Bearsuit the other day.
I went and bought their album.
Very much enjoyed it, but they do a bit of lady shouting in there as well.
It's a fantastic, enjoyable genre, and Thomas Tantrum have added to it marvelously.
Hey, Adam, who's your sports personality of the year?
I'm very glad you asked me that, because I would have to say... Pele.
Let's have a trail.
That was Thin Lizzy with That Woman's Gonna Break Your Heart recorded for John Peel on Radio 1 on the 1st of August 1977.
Now it's time for the news and the music news read by Harvey Cooke and Ellie Davis.
Who will win the song for today?
Perhaps it will be Adam or it will be Joe.
Be the one who won.
You will be the one who decides by texting or repaying when you hear the clips.
Well, that was in the old days when we used to play clips.
That's Swedish.
Is it?
Before that, you heard the Breeders with Divine Hammer.
It's time for our second visit to Song Wars.
This is for people that didn't have the misfortune to hear these songs in the first hour of the show.
They're probably out Christmas shopping.
Or maybe... Early morning Christmas shopping.
Exactly.
Or maybe the other way around.
Now people who were listening have gone Christmas shopping.
Some people have come back.
Who knows?
Who can tell?
So I'd kind of...
I'm really down on my song.
Why?
Because everyone hates it.
Oh you just got, I thought you never got freaked out by the texts and emails.
I'm not freaked out.
You are, you're obviously rattled.
Obviously rattled.
I'm not rattled.
Look at him, he's rattled.
I just think it's no, I just don't think it's very good.
He's rattling away.
I think somebody said, you know, somebody texted in very kindly and said that's worthy of Weird Al Yankovic and to me that was an insult.
He's a genius.
Well he is but at the same time he goes for very obvious
tropes.
Can I say tropes?
But that's your genius too, Joe, to take the obvious, the very, very obvious.
I don't want every day.
And turn it into something slightly chucklesome.
What's more than genius?
Super genius.
Super genius.
OK, mega genius.
Here's my one then.
The song was this week is Exit Songs for films that didn't have them.
You know, the song that you hear over the closing credits of a movie.
Here's my one.
It's for the film The Shining.
A few people have quite rightly pointed out that the final shot of The Shining is that
track into the photo of all the old staff and Jack Nicholson's amongst them.
So imagine if you were looking at that, the film's ending, the closing credit starts, and you hear this?
The shining, the shining Everybody's got the shining You're shining, I'm shining
Everybody's got the shot In the Overlook Hotel He went to write a book But ended up going to hell His wife Wendy tried to calm him down But for her trouble nearly got an axe in her crown
Their son Danny had a special gift But how's it gonna help with all the blood in the lift Can't the little kid just play on his trike Without dead twin sisters giving him a fright, yeah The shining, the shining Everybody's got the shining, your shining
Everybody's got the shine.
Look out now, Jack's out to destroy.
Cuz old bugger no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Jack thought he was in sexy lady heaven.
Now he's snogging a crone in room 237.
Here comes Halloran to save the day.
But Jack chops him in two after he came all that way.
Danny gets a note from his invisible charm It says, Red Rom, Red Rom, Red Rom, Red Rom, Red Rom
Oh, they've watched it on the TV.
He's rattled.
He's rattled.
I am rattled.
I just think, man, I know when I've been defeated.
All it took was one email rattled.
I hate you!
There you go.
And my song this week is based around the film The Hours.
Oh, Joe just threw a biro at me.
It's based around the film The Hours.
Come on, man.
I really like yours.
I've got an umbrella that's like a gun.
Oh, no.
And I'm going to hold it right next to Adam's face.
It's bad luck to put an umbrella in the indoor land.
So anyway, here's my song about The Hours.
Dearest, I feel certain that I'm going mad again.
writing Mrs. Dalloway.
It is about a woman's day making party plans.
A housewife in the fifties is reading Mrs. Dalloway.
A woman in the noughties is making party plans.
Three women with unwelcome obligations to the men in the lives that they feel they never chose.
All of them depressed and wishing they could just escape like the ginger wolf with her wonky plastic nose.
I choose not the suffocating and aesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the capital that is for each other.
A question for your president!
A question for love!
It was a tragedy that Virginia Will felt she had to drown herself Just because she was depressed and she was bisexual In those days both those subjects were not well understood Nowadays there's lithium and lots of bendy friends, yes!
How will you fill up the hours of your lady life?
Will you serve pathetic men?
Will you be a wife?
I chose logic.
Will you just regrats here and bake your stupid cakes?
Does that really make you happy?
I think you deserve a lovely party.
Mrs. Darwin said you'd buy the flowers herself.
Sally, I think I'll buy the flowers myself.
Wow, that's got so many things I like about, you know, songs, tie-in songs.
I like the repeated sample with different effects on it.
Yeah.
I like the mention of Grazio magazine.
Thanks a lot.
The stupidest magazine in the world.
It is, my opinion, not the BBC's.
I tend to agree.
I like the pronunciation of the word stupid as stupid.
Stupid.
That would be a good textination thing.
Words whose pronunciation you can mangle to make them more satisfying to say.
It's what parents sometimes say.
And I also like the idea.
Does she have a lovely party?
Well it's all about this woman organising a lovely party and you know Mrs Dalloway that is.
I've never read Mrs. Dalloway.
I'm a fan of Orlando and I'm a big fan of The Waves.
Never read The Dalloway.
To The Lighthouse?
Do you remember?
We were forced to read that at school, man.
That was hard going.
But you know, I feel as if now I've got some degree of maturity.
I can go back to these books that upset me and freaked me out when I was at school because I didn't understand them.
And maybe I'll get another chance.
But in case you're wondering, I'm not down on people making cakes.
There's a little motif in the film The Hours about how pathetic it is for Julianne Moore's character to be a kind of domestic slave.
Making a cake for her husband because it's his birthday.
What a pathetic thing for a woman to do.
Make a cake for a man.
And so I just was reacting to that.
It's good, man.
Look, the texts have gone crazy.
Keep texting 64046, or if you're listening to this file, listen again.
Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Hey, we should tell listeners who are keen on the show, people who are less keen on the show, won't be so interested.
What about keen?
Keen, very keen on the show.
They, that...
that we will be doing a podcast of it that hopefully will start early in the new year but it'll be a kind of one of those um cookie cutter ones that the BBC do very very well where they just lift the music out of the show and put the talky bits together they have them up there on iTunes for Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross and stuff will be starting one of those early in the new year and will also though to make matters more complicated and exciting be adding to the whole thing with uh
a show a kind of podcast that we put together which will be a digest of some of the best bits but it'll be less frequent it'll be like once every two weeks or yeah that's a longer term project yeah but it will happen at the beginning of next year and it'll it'll have new bits and stuff and things that were too rude for broadcast so all sorts of podcast activities in the new year there's something to look forward to there is something to look forward to now did you choose this one joe this track what is it
Bit of Kid Creole?
Oh yes.
This is fantastic.
This is a new band called Kid Creole and the Coconuts.
And this is the latest thing that the kids are listening to.
This is called Stool Pigeon.
There we go, Kid Creole and the Coconuts, a funk band from America.
You'll be hearing a lot about them in the past.
August Darnell is the name of Kid Creole, isn't it?
I ran across him once in the foyer of what was then the Warner West End in London's Leicester Square.
It's now called the Vue there.
And I went up to him and shook his hand and said, thank you for the music.
Yeah, good one.
Did you actually say those words?
He said, get off me.
Get off me!
I did say those words, yeah.
Thank you for the music.
Yeah, he seemed to like it.
Of course he liked it.
So this is the last seven minutes of this week's Adam and Jo radio show thing here on BBC Six Music.
Just a bit of caretaking, some stuff we'd like you to help us with for next week's show.
Next week's Song Wars, we're going to do Christmas songs.
Yeah.
We'd love you to suggest particular angles on Christmas or a particular aspect of Christmas that you feel isn't covered by the standard Christmas song.
and we'll be recording them sometime after Wednesday this week.
So if you're listening again or listening now, text in those suggestions.
In fact, email them, Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk, in the next couple of days, and we'll endeavour to make your ideas come into tragic musical death.
Also this week, we're going to be pre-recording a couple of shows that will be played out over the Christmas period, so we'd like your help for one of those shows for a subject for Text the Nation, and we've thought of a stupidest lie that I ever told, or stupid lies that you've told in general.
Yeah, a lie you've told to get yourself out of a situation, or maybe to make yourself look good, or to attract someone, or something that has kind of backfired enormously on you.
These are usually lies you would have told when you were little, or littler than what you are now.
Yeah, it would be great if the lie you told had had catastrophic consequences that we can check for.
No, not depressing ones.
Here's one I told in order to endear myself to the sister of one of my friends when I was about 14.
I was on holiday with them.
I told her.
that I had a heart problem over.
What?
Because I told her that I only had a few years to live because I had a slightly weak heart.
I thought that would make her more likely to get off with me.
Slightly weak mind, more like... It worked.
Did it?
Yeah.
No!
I had to get off with her.
And had you revealed to her by that point that it was not actually true that you had a heart condition?
No, I don't think she actually cared.
That was a terrible thing.
I don't think it had that much impact.
That's such a weird lie.
It's a terrible lie to tell.
It is.
It's kind of, you know, like tempting fate a bit.
Yeah.
But I feel I was 14.
So that was that's all right, isn't it?
kinds of trouble.
You fantasize in that morbid way when you're that age, don't you?
Wouldn't it be glamorous if I was fatally ill?
You don't really have any conception of your own mortality at that age.
That's true.
Anyway, a lie that I told that springs to mind, similar things.
It's often about your physical makeup, isn't it?
I told a lot of people that I was bionic.
How old were you then?
I was young, you know, I was 10, 9 maybe, very young.
And being bionic was the thing at that age.
Maybe it still is, I don't know.
That chick from East Endis is the bionic woman.
Yeah, that's coming to bore people very soon.
But yeah, I told people that my left arm was bionic.
It was very specific.
I said that I'd been in a car accident and only parts of my... What did you do to prove it?
Well, that was the thing.
It came down to a sort of bionic off with another guy who said that he had bionic julies.
And we went off to the labs to demonstrate to each other how our bionics worked.
And at that point, the whole thing unraveled.
Sounds very homoerotic.
It was a little bit.
Bionic arm plus bionic julies equals a bionic good time.
I really thought he had bionic julies as well.
I was dead disappointed.
Why would he have bionic julies?
Well, I don't know.
He made it sound plausible.
He said they were removable.
I thought that would be wicked.
Well send your peculiar lies that you've told to us Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
One more thing about Thomas Tantrum, didn't we discover some new fact about them?
Oh yeah, now we're given a list of the songs we're playing every week here at the Big British Castle.
And it's, you know, done by medieval scribes.
It's all in gold pen and all that business.
But it was wrong this week.
It told us that Thomas Tantrum was an all-girl band.
They're not.
There's apparently a lady singer and the rest of them are blokes.
And they're not from Southampton at all, are they?
We don't know about that bit.
No one's contested that bit.
But somebody, one of the scribes in the castle will be put, yeah, put in the, what are they called?
Stocks.
In the stocks, in the stock house.
Hey, thanks to everybody who's texted and emailed this week.
We really couldn't do the show without you.
Yeah, we appreciate it.
Even though we will be in a couple of weeks.
No, we still need their help for that.
True, true.
Liz Kershaw is coming up.
Enjoy your week.
We'll see you next week.
Love you.
Bye.
Bye.