some of
Oh, there's all little bits of steam coming out of Block Party's machine at the end there.
I don't know what he was talking about, but whatever it was, it's very important.
Wait, I know he seemed absolutely incensed.
Incensed about it.
And excited.
That was Block Party.
And this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music on a Saturday morning for our three-hour Saturday morning show.
It's a marathon of fun.
That's what I would call it.
A fun-a-thon.
A fun marathon.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like a three-hour fun run.
It's a nice morning as well, folks.
I don't know if you've been out yet, but certainly here in London town, can't speak for the rest of the United Kingdom, and I wouldn't want to.
No.
But here in London, it's nice.
It's crisp.
It's a lovely winter morning.
You know, what are the best things about winter for you, Joe Cornish?
Oh, Santa, the reindeer, the thick, thick snow, all the Hollywood stars, shopping.
That's mainly Christmas, though.
I'm thinking winter in general, the season.
Yeah, I don't know.
Because there's lots of downsides to winter.
Who are the people who suffer most in the winter?
This is a very tiring opening leg.
I know.
I'm putting you on the spot here.
I'm sorry about that.
But here, the people who suffer most in the winter, they would be the farmers, wouldn't they?
And the homeless.
Whatever.
farmers and homeless.
They're the most underprivileged groups in society.
But there are nice things about winter as well.
I wanted to chat about some of those a bit later on.
That's something to look forward to.
Yeah, I'm doing a tease.
Lots of good music coming up in the show.
Coming up in the show.
I just scratched that bit.
That's nice.
We've got some Lethal Bizzle coming up.
We've got some Blur, some De La Soul.
We're not going to play PM Dawn with Setter Drift on Memory Biz.
What have you got against PM Dawn?
That's the most pathetic rap song ever recorded.
It's terrible.
Who's that guy?
What's he called Prince B, wasn't he?
Something like that, yeah.
He was confused.
He was confused.
Lots of great music.
Of course we're gonna, in a second, reveal the winner of last week's Song Wars, then later in the show we'll have this week's Song Wars, which is on the theme of global warming sung very sincerely with some whistling.
Exactly right.
Exactly.
We've also got Text the Nation and all sorts of exciting nuggets.
Yeah, scurrilous rumour, you know, inconsequential chatter, ill-advised gossip, that kind of thing.
All of that to look forward to.
But right now, here's some music for you.
This is Smashing Pumpkins.
Go on, you can go out there, and for goodness sake, just stop going on about it.
Let me out!
Have we got the results of last week's Song Wars standing by?
Have you folded them up?
Yes.
Yeah, okay.
Let's hit the jingle.
Before the jingle, I'll just tell you that that was smashing pumpkins in case you didn't realise with cherub rock.
That was smashing pumpkins.
Thank you very much, pumpkins.
It's time for Song Wars.
The War of the Songs.
So this is it.
Last week's songs were on the subject of a listener.
We invited listeners to write in with facts about a close friend, and then we wrote songs around those facts.
Mine was about a guy called Jack Miller.
Mine was about a guy called James Rohan.
Mine was requested by Joel.
Don't forget, remember his second name.
Yeah, I think Mark was the name of James's friend.
Are we going to play little reminders?
Or have you got the whole blooming things?
Do you want the clips or the four things?
Let's just have the clips, don't you think?
Yeah, little clips, I think.
This was my one about Jack... Jack Miller.
Yeah, that's enough.
That's enough.
They might need to be beefed up a little bit volume-wise there.
There's a man whose name is James Rohan, and he's a beast!
On the surface he is not her suit, but his arm it ends.
This is Adams.
What was this one called?
James Rohan, Neanderthal Man.
Yeah, it's a man.
Okay, and I'm gonna open the envelope now to reveal the winner.
It's very exciting.
I just remind listeners that me, Adam Buxton, I have lost song wars every single week.
For the last four weeks, this would be week number... No, this would be week number four that I had lost in a row if I lose again.
Is it?
No, this is show number five.
Yes, it would be.
Yeah, number four.
Look at that!
The tables have turned.
Yes!
Adam has taken it by 75% to 25%.
Thanks, fans!
Bucko wins.
Bucko smash a room!
Oh, I'm happy about it.
I can't pretend that I'm not happy about it.
I've got quite a good email that's an analysis of your song.
Oh, really?
But it's through there on the printer.
Shall we play the next record and I'll go and get it?
Yes, okay.
Well, that's good.
So are we going to play my song in full then?
No.
The winning song.
Okay, then if we have to.
Yes!
Here's James Rohan, Neanderthal man.
There's a man whose name is James Rohan.
He's a beast!
On the surface he is not her suit, but his armpit hair is scary.
And for that reason he is known as Harry.
He is preoccupied with lady parts and solo fun.
Before the internet he lived up on the top shelf.
He bought a Lindsay Dorn, a Kenzie DVD.
One time!
But returned it cause it wasn't really dirty.
He likes football and drinking.
He's not a fan of thinking.
He nearly gets in fights with folks at karaoke nights.
He sounds like quite a nightmare, but perhaps that isn't quite fair.
Maybe there's a softer side to Harry that he's trying to hide.
For example, Jimmy Rohan used to be a swimming champ, which is when they had to shave all his hair off.
When it grew back, it was longer and coarser, which may have left him with some feelings of resentment.
On the plus side, Jimmy Rohan really likes Star Trek, which indicates that he is not beyond redemption.
Here's a couple of...
emails that we received over the week in relation to that song.
One was from Rich Flight.
He's the web administrator at the Climbershop Limited in Cumbria.
Oh, yeah.
I went for that side.
He says, Hi, Adam and Jo.
Despite its slightly Suggs-esque vocal styling, I think Adam's hairy Neanderthal man song is by Father Superior.
I'm not saying I'd go out and buy it, but if I had to choose one, then it's the dot dot dot least dot dot dot bad.
That's nice, isn't it?
That's fair.
And here's the analysis.
This is by a guy called Craig McKean.
M-A-C-H-I-N.
I'm going to read it out in a kind of New England, American, intellectual, Paul Theroux style voice.
He says, Hello chaps, great to hear you're back on the air.
I hope you start doing a podcast again soon.
That's not really a Paul Theroux voice.
That's more like David Byrne.
David Byrne, okay.
My vote is for Adam's James Rohan Neanderthal Man.
The chugging, relentless verse melody with its gruff vocals perfectly highlights the nefarious character of James, the sung subject.
I'm going to stop this voice.
At first this sounds like it's going to be a jocular hatchet job on James' character, but then our attitudes are questioned by the change of emotional tone, both lyrically and musically, during the chorus, stroke, middle section.
Adam switches to a more melodic and sincere singing style, which insists that we do not just see James simply as a beast or a figure of fun.
He sounds like quite a nightmare, but perhaps that isn't quite fair.
Maybe there's a softer side to Harry that he's trying to hide.
The chorus ends on an unresolved chord.
Is there a softer side to Harry?
The verse returns with belly a pause for breath, now sounding emphatic rather than mocking, and provides us with the answer, yes, Harry is not beyond redemption."
For example, Jimmy Rohan used to be a swimming champ.
We're also given an insight into the trauma that may have made Harry the man he is physically and psychologically.
Adam, like James' defence advocate, beseeches the listener to take James' full body shape into consideration, bravely pointing out, even though the line does not rhyme, that it might have left James with feelings of resentment.
as well as more than the average quota of body hair.
The simplicity and brevity of the song belies its complex arguments for acceptance of other lifestyles and appearances.
With its reggae inspired tune, the listener is reminded of the anti-racist scar songs by white performers in the early 80s.
As for Joe's song, nah, it's not as good.
there we go thank you Craig that's fantastic I'm gonna frame that keep that that's amazing so that's that's this week's song wars we'll have another song wars coming up in a bit we have to leave a bit of a gap to clear the air of the stench of amateur music but there will be some more amateur popping
uh you know around 10 o'clock so hold tight now this is not an amateur song is this something that you chose joe yeah what is it bdp yeah this is brilliant this is from um a man joe just had a little brain fart
This is from BDP, they're called Boogie Down Productions.
This is a great album called Ghetto Music, the blueprint of hip-hop.
I thought it was deleted, but then I found it in America.
You must have been so happy that day.
I was so happy.
Oh wicked, I found it.
And this is a track from it.
This is called The Style You Haven't Done Yet.
Yes, the white men are in effect.
Here on BBC Six Music, it's Adam and Joe on a Saturday morning.
Hello.
He had a little lyrical nod to Hall & Oates there.
Did he?
I'm out of touch, you're out of time.
Did he?
Yeah.
I wonder how that relates date-wise.
Well, they were 1981, something like that.
There's a digital cable channel called Main Street.
Did you ever stumble across it?
Oh yeah, sometimes.
And it plays reruns of the old Grey Whistle Test.
Yes.
And Hall of Notes were on it last night.
That's right, they play like whole concerts.
Yeah, it's brilliant.
Was that a good one?
Because I saw... Who did I see on Whistle Test and it wasn't quite so good?
Hall of Notes were playing a song called Abandoned Luncheonette.
it went on for hours they were furious that the luncheonette was abandoned oh i saw tom petty a tom petty special i like tom petty oh it wasn't a very well they're often very very early performances yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the end of that conversation well you know listen i was uh talking about winter earlier on and i didn't want to like talk to you about winter but i just thought it would be nice just so so broad
Yeah, I know it is.
Listen, I'm going to narrow it down for you, right?
Because I thought it'd be worth celebrating the positive aspects of winter that I seldom celebrate it, you know what I mean?
Because people are very pro-summer, everyone writes songs about the summer, that kind of thing.
But there's certain things that really I love about the winter, and I want to tell you about them now.
Here are my top favourite three things about winter.
Getting very cold water out of taps all the time.
Isn't that nice?
Do you not enjoy that?
Like the world is the world is a water cooler.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
You know, you don't have to run it for ages to get the cool stuff in summertime.
You run it for about five minutes there and it's not even getting very cool.
Where?
Just there.
And you start thinking, now I'm wasting water and I'm not even going to get a cool glass of water out of it.
Not a problem in winter, when the freezing water is there instantly.
Delicious.
And I said before that, obviously, I'm taking into it, you know, this is ignoring the fact that winter is a very hard time for a lot of people.
Very difficult.
Very difficult, especially if you're homeless, and if you're a worm, and if you're a farmer, winter is not an enjoyable time.
If you're a worm farmer.
Then it's the worst, the hard earth you have to deal with.
It's a nightmare.
Here's another thing I enjoy about it.
Number two.
Number two.
Not being constantly distracted and confused by attractive people, mainly women, wearing hardly anything.
There's something sexy about too many clothes though.
Well, that's the thing I like.
It's manageable sexiness, though.
Do you know what I mean?
It doesn't scramble your mind.
But you know, the basis of eroticism is concealment.
Well, there you go, of course.
You know, eroticism is about what you can't see, not what you can.
So a woman in a massive puffer jacket, 20 scarves, a hard hat, and massive boots is very sexy to me.
I think, what's she like under all them layers?
All red and sweaty is the answer.
Yeah.
That's sexy.
That's not sexy.
You describing that is nice.
I'm going to play that back later on.
But no, I like it, you know, because in the summertime, sometimes you walk around your days, if you're feeling a little bit, Randy, your day's more or less ruined on a sort of five minute basis.
A little bit Randy Newman.
Yeah, a little bit Randy McDonald.
And then it's just a disaster area.
Here's the final thing I really enjoy.
This is an obvious one about winter.
Just coziness in the... It's cozy, isn't it?
Duvet cocoon.
Sometimes you wake up in the morning, if you don't have to get up for work immediately, and you're in the duvet cocoon, life doesn't get that much better.
It's true.
A lot of people listening to this will be in the duvet cocoon.
Good times.
We wish we were there with you.
Yeah.
Oh, I do.
I do.
Not you.
Me?
No, we'd have the listeners in between us, so we wouldn't have to touch.
each other, but would we be touching them?
Oh yes.
We don't like to touch each other.
We did a photo shoot this week for the BBC and when the photographer asked us to touch our heads together, because they always ask us to do this when you're a kind of duo or whatever and they're taking pictures of you, they always say, can you push your heads right together and do a crazy face, stick your tongue out.
Joe just said nope.
I don't want to touch him.
Imagine us appearing, if you're in bed now listen to this, imagine us appearing like something out of the grudge.
Under your duvet.
Fondling your ankles.
That's right.
You know, here's a segue for you.
This is someone I would really enjoy if she popped up.
My grammar is all over the shop this morning, but I would be delighted if this person... It's early, man.
I think the first hour we... No one expects people to speak properly between 9 and 10 on Saturday.
But if our next artist popped up in the duvet cocoon, I would be sorted.
This is Bjork with Earth Intruders.
Bjork.
Sorry.
Lovely.
Lovely Bjork.
Bjork.
Is that the way to pronounce it?
You said that.
I don't know.
Some people pronounce it Bjork.
Bjork.
Bjork.
She's adorable.
You know, some people, we were talking about our amateur songwriting.
You were a bit worried that it's sort of taking over the programme a bit.
Well, it's one of those things if you, you know, if you're not fond of a feature in a program and you tune in, your heart sinks because you think, oh god.
Because we got it.
We play last week's, then we play this week's, then we play this week's again.
It's sort of spreading all over the show like a fungus or an algae.
Or a rash.
Or a rash.
But some people like it.
Here's an email from James.
Pitten, Dre.
Dear Adam and Jo, I would love to have a copy of Jo's version of Place the Meatballs, any chance of emailing me one?
I can't get it out of my head.
Someone asked me what I was singing in the work kitchen this morning as I was getting my morning coffee.
Place the meatballs.
They must have thought I was a bit weird when I told them.
When I told them.
It was a song about how to cook Ikea Swedish meatballs.
Is his name James Peter Andre?
Possibly.
I hope so.
Yeah, pittendre.
Pittendre.
And here's one flattering about yours, Adam.
Yeah?
Being balanced.
Dear Adam and Jo, but mostly Adam.
This is from Sarah Castro.
Please could you put the scallywack classic Tiny Mobile Speakers back on the BBC website?
Because it's a work of pure genius.
Even after 20 times of hearing it throughout that glorious week after the broadcast, I would always laugh and it has been sorely missed.
My mate Claire agrees.
And it's her birthday this next weekend.
Wow, there you go.
This next weekend.
Don't worry.
Well, these are the kind of things that we'll put in our podcasts when they eventually happen.
We might talk about that a bit later on, give you a bit of an update.
But right now, it's time for the news read by Harvey Cook.
The Foo Fighters with Long Road to Ruin.
That's released on the 3rd of December.
And George Lamb chatted to Dave Grohl on Thursday.
You can hear the interview again if you head to George's page.
I just ended the sentence suddenly.
I like it.
I like it.
It keeps people switched on paying attention.
Absolutely.
I'm going to go to George's page.
I'd like to hear what Dave Grohl has to say.
Is it text the nation time?
I think it is.
Yes, it's Text the Nation, the part of the show unlike any other programme where we ask you to text in...
about things.
You can text 64046 or email actually adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk and what was the theme we established last week?
You know very well what it was.
Yeah but I'm doing it like a duo thing.
Yeah but I want to put it all on you because I think it's a little bit of a inflammatory one.
Do you?
I think it's dangerous, this one.
Do you?
Because I think it's something that you should be ashamed of.
Like, one should be ashamed of.
Do you know what I mean?
Basically, the idea of the text of the nation is ideas that you think you had before anyone else.
Exactly.
Yeah.
But sometimes it genuinely happens.
I know it genuinely happens, but I think it's a good thing in life, it's an important thing in life to not dwell on it ever.
I agree, but we're allowed to dwell on it for one Saturday morning.
Yeah, of course.
For a couple of hours, just to let off the steam.
Yeah, we're talking about ideas you think you had and then they turned up in the real world, someone else had them, a product or a film or a book or something.
Because you can become a very twisted and bitter person.
Yeah, absolutely.
And one of the important things about being creative
Uh, I'd like to let you know is that you've got to have lots of ideas.
Exactly.
You've got to be able just to throw them out and not worry about it.
And you've got to act on them.
That's the other key thing.
It's no good having an idea and then just sitting on it.
If you don't act on it, you may as well never have had it.
Here's my one, what I had my didn't act on quickly.
I had an idea for, we had an idea for a film about a couple of people who run a video shop and they make all the films that they rent out.
So they get they it was you know gonna be a kind of an Adam and JoJo thing and they were gonna and they were gonna rent out Silly spoof versions of films now Michelle gondry who made What did he make eternal sunshine of the spotless mind?
Yeah, and the science of sleep.
Yeah, he's done it
with Jack Black and Moss Def.
What's it called?
It's called Be Kind Rewind.
There you go.
And it's about Moss Def and Jack Black run a video shop and a meteor passes it, a magnetic meteor and it erases all their VHS tapes.
Don't ask why they're renting VHSs in this day and age.
It's set in the olden times, isn't it?
I think so.
And then they have to make all the... So it's exactly that idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now he's done it, I'm sure, a lot better than we would.
Hm?
Or maybe not.
I don't know, I haven't seen it, maybe not.
People say it's pretty good.
I bet it's good.
But that makes me a bit... I can't kind of read about it, or I might feel sick when I go and see it.
My idea that I had a while back, around about 2001 I did this, and I was watching a lot of director commentaries at the time on DVDs.
And I just thought it would be funny to do, like, a spoof director commentary for a show that really didn't deserve one.
Oh, yeah, this is true.
And, yeah, so I did a thing with my character, Ken Corda, who, you know, talks a little bit like this and he's a bit of an idiot.
And I did a whole commentary for an episode of a show called The Priory.
Which was on... Jamie Fixton and Zoe Ball.
Yeah.
And it was, you know, it was a simple idea.
It was just the idea.
It was silly that... The commentaries.
That yeah, spoof commentary for a show that really wouldn't merit one, you know, as wonderful as the Priory was.
So I did the whole thing and like 45 minutes worth of ludicrous commentary.
I made menus for it and everything.
And it was just something I did to amuse myself and my friends.
But then... But then I thought, I'm going to send this idea around.
because people really liked it, and a couple of my friends said, you should pitch this to a TV station or whatever.
So I went around and pitched it to a few people.
Everyone told me to leave the building and get out, and they weren't really interested.
A couple of people were vaguely interested, but they never acted on it.
Two years later, Rob Brydon did the exact same thing, director commentaries, but he did them for old films.
I'm not suggesting that he stole the idea, but it was a piece of synchronicity that was very frustrating for me, I must say.
Anyway, we'd like to hear your ideas that you think you had before anyone else with any kind of supporting evidence.
Yeah, text 64046 or email adamandjoe.sixmusic at pbc.co.uk and we'll read the best ones out.
Now, here's some music.
This is De La Soul with I Know from De La Soul.
Man, that is good stuff.
It sounds fantastic, doesn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
And who are they sampling there?
That's Steely Dan, isn't it?
From Peg.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's an amazing song as well.
Anyway, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
We're with you for the next two and a quarter hours of fun.
Over to you, Joe Cornish.
Coming up now, it's advert analysis time.
I've been watching, as I mentioned earlier, rubbish cable channels, and they're obviously where the worst adverts collect, the kind of Cillip Bang type adverts.
Although, before we continue very briefly, there's an ad that's bled over all channels at the moment for kettle chips.
Have you seen that one?
Is it Vox Pops?
Yeah.
It seems to have been made by a five-year-old for 50 pence.
Well, we've often discussed this, Adam and I, that advertisers obviously go out of their way to make adverts weird.
So there's something sort of unsettling about them that kind of sticks in your brain, and obviously these kind of sync adverts, not adverts for sync, but the ones that sync to the bottom of the barrel that you tend to get on these digital channels are prime examples of that.
That's right.
They're really odd.
They're sort of designed to, if you're a housewife, to kind of educate you, but also freak you out.
Yeah.
And it's well known that, you know, stuff like the Cillip Bang adverts, they're designed to be odd.
They're designed to appeal to students and they're kind of, you know, knowingly designed with an inbuilt sort of culty thing that people get obsessed with them.
Yeah, but they're getting very, very good at this.
It's not like sort of Pleasantville style 50s stuff where everyone's just chirpy and it's this artificial world where everybody talks about products.
It's gone beyond that Truman Show thing.
Now they're starting to be really deliberately abstract in some of the editing and presentation.
And we can't say the name of the brand, can we, on the Big British Castle?
Best not to.
Best not to so I'm going to call it fluffite.
It's a product for making clothes more fluffy.
You stick it in the old washing machine and there's an advert for fluffite and we're going to perform it for you now.
A bedroom.
Lady number one is putting on a jumper while her dark haired friend lady number two lounges sultry on the bed behind her gazing at her bottom.
Lady Number One notices that her jumper is all stretched.
Oh no!
This one's all stretched too!
Sudden cut to a strange man standing in the kitchen.
He's addressing the camera.
Looks like she needs a bit of help.
Back to the bedroom.
In the time it took to say that one line, Lady Number One has taken off the stretched jumper, revealing a sexy white vest.
She's hung the jumper on a hanger and is now inspecting it, her sexy friend standing close behind looking worried.
And I wash everything so carefully!
Suddenly the man reaches out and grabs the jumper, as if he's been in the same room all along, but for some reason was neither audible or visible.
He addresses lady number one.
It's not you, it could be your detergent, weakening the fibres of your clothes, leading to this kind of damage.
We see jumpers damaged by shrinking, bobbling and fibre damage.
The man's disembodied hands gesture over the ruined woolens, finally entering a brown sleeve and popping a finger through a hole in it, giving the camera the finger.
Now he thrusts a big bottle of fluffite with a huge bulbous blue plastic ball on the top towards the woman.
Try new fluffite, stop-stretch.
It's more than just a detergent, it's a safe-turgent.
The woman looks at her friend, impressed at this amazing new word.
Her sexy friend returns her look aroused.
And that means fluffite helps keep all your clothes looking and feeling new for longer.
The word safe-turgent comes up, it's trademarked.
The man holds up two jumpers.
He's suddenly got two jumpers.
He's got the jumper she originally took off and it's suddenly all beautifully ironed and not stretched anymore.
How did he do it so fast?
Fade to black, fade up on the two ladies having coffee.
Wow, new outfit?
No, new detergent!
Lady number two strokes lady number one's arm, then runs her other hand down her thigh, and they snog.
That doesn't happen.
Cut back to the man in the kitchen, an array of bulbous, bulbous bottles before him.
New fluff-eyed stop-stretch gives you the power to become invisible, stop time, break into a beautiful lesbian woman's house, hide in her kitchen, wait until she notices her jumpers are stretching, and then very suddenly give her a product demonstration without anyone noticing anything unusual or calling the police.
So keep an eye out for that one on the telly list list.
You made up that last line there.
I did make up the last bit.
A safe turgent.
I can't believe they actually used the word safe turgent in there.
It's not a detergent, it's a safe turgent.
Well it's worked on us hasn't it because it's stuck in our brains.
Yeah, it's brilliant though because it means all other detergents are unsafe.
Yes, that's right.
You know, by definition.
They're danger turgent.
Danger turgents.
Death turgents.
Death turgents.
Right, now here's a track that I chose for you folks.
This is from an album that I was rooting through the bins of CDs here at BBC Six Music.
There's huge kind of recycling bins with all the multiple copies of CDs that go off to get recycled.
And I found this one at the bottom.
Suburban kids with biblical names they're called and they're from Sweden and they make a kind of lo-fi, low-tech kind of poppy noise that's redolent of early Beck and all sorts of influences there.
But this is a good track.
I hope you like it.
Oh, it reminds me of the monochrome set, early 80s outfit.
Anyway, check this out.
It seems to be on my mind by suburban kids with biblical names.
download them for free now go to bbc.co.uk slash podcasts where's our podcast well where is our podcast that's a good point isn't it we've been a bit slow organizing it finalizing the details i think what's gonna happen is that we are gonna just leave it for the rest of the year and then launch in 2008 oh my it'll be so strong though we'll have all these shows to pick the best bits of we'll record some new stuff
It'll be biotic.
We're going to launch all the heck out of that podcast, folks.
You will not be disappointed.
So just hang on in there.
Before the trail there, you heard suburban kids with biblical names.
That was good.
Yeah, it was a good track, wasn't it?
And it had whistling in it, which is very appetite because this week's song wars, which we'll be doing in 20 or 30 minutes time, is songs with whistling in them.
It's more than that, but it does feature whistling.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I put an extra little syllable in there.
That was good.
It made the word different.
Thank you very much.
Now, would you like to hear?
No.
No?
What?
Blur.
Yeah.
OK.
Thanks.
Here's a little session track for you.
This was recorded way back in the good old days, 1999, when life was simpler.
Terrorists were just a little glint in the eye of Osama bin Laden.
And that's not, none of that's necessarily true.
But Blur, Blur were past their prime in those days, weren't they really?
They were slightly on the decline there, they were holding it together, Graham, very rude.
Graham Coxen was furious, he was just about to leave, but still they were together and they just released their album 13, I think, around about this time.
And they were playing... This is their Chrissy track, isn't it?
Yeah, they were playing... Oh yeah, so this wasn't from 13.
This is their big Christmas hit.
But anyway, this is from Radio 1's session live at the Golders Green Hippodrome March 1999.
This is the Universal from Blur.
There you go, that's the Mighty Blur.
Very well done, Blur.
Well done, Dan.
He's a good singer there, isn't he?
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
I feel like I'm on the news when that jingle plays, because we're stacking papers.
That's right.
Getting our papers ready and it's an exciting new style jingle.
And now here is Texternation, read by Joe Cornish.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
The subject of this afternoon's Texternation was ideas that you think you had before anyone else.
I've just been going silent quite a lot this morning.
It's my new trick.
Well it's not necessarily yours, that's an idea that I had before you.
You know I used that last week, now you're all over the going silent before anyone else.
Because of course that's the theme of Texanation, this week it's ideas that you're sure you're convinced you had first before some big company stole it off of you and basically stole your livelihood.
That's right.
Stole a potential fortune for me.
Ripped your future away.
That's right.
And we've got lots of very good ones.
I don't know where to start, but we'll start here with a text from Ellie.
It says, Dear Adam and Joe, my husband is adamant that he coined the phrase Billy No-Mates during a phone call with his friend Joff in 1988.
I fear he is sadly delusional.
Perhaps your listeners could offer proof of use of this phrase in print or other media prior to 1988.
I like that because, on the one hand, it's very broad, Billy No-Mates, but on the other hand, she provides the name of the person who was being called and the year, so that, you know, within reason it's checkable.
But if it was applied to a specific person actually called Billy,
Yes.
Then doesn't that slightly... You think there's like an actual Billy, who was the first Billy to have that used against... Is that not what she's implying?
No, because it was a phone call with his friend, Joff.
Oh, okay, sorry, sorry, I misunderstood.
It should have been Joffy, no mates.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's quite possible.
If anyone can find evidence of the use of that phrase before 1988... Don't bother about it.
Give it to yourself.
Here's another one from Lisa in Stockton on tur teas.
While picking up a particularly soft dog poop, it was my dogs in bracket, I invented in my mind dog poo freeze spray, but did nothing about it.
I was in a pet shop last week and there on the shelf, next to poo pickup bags, neither Adam or I have dogs, this is a world we don't really know or understand, but some of you out there do, and you go around picking up their pups.
On the shelf next to poo pickup bags was my product called Only Freeze Spray.
Right.
There you go.
Poo freeze.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
I mean, that's a little bit like the plot for a whole film, which is about this very thing, which was not a very successful film with who is the director of Tin Men?
Barry Levinson.
Barry Levinson.
He did a thing with Jack Black, all about someone who, and it was Jack Black and... What's it called?
Evil.
No, it was Envy or something like that.
Envy, it was called Envy.
Was it Ben Stiller even?
Yeah, yeah.
And one of them invents a spray that just vaporises dog poo.
And then the other one reckons that he had the idea first.
You're right.
And one of them makes a million.
Anyway, it's all about this very thing.
Here's one that I like for its simple brevity and power.
It's an anonymous one.
I developed the idea for Die Hard many years ago before it came out, but hey, I'm not bitter Tim painting his house and cursing Bruce Willis.
Yeah, I'd develop the idea for Die Hard, but don't matter though, what do you mean develop the idea for Die Hard?
I wonder what the idea, well presumably it was.
What about a film with a bloat, divorce from his wife, going to visit her, get the papers signed, she gets kidnapped by terrorists at the office party.
Call it something like Nakatami Towers.
Yeah, never mind.
And the terrorists sneak in there and he says yippee-ki-yay mother frungler.
That's his catchphrase.
That's your cup of tea.
Well done, Tim.
You must be gutted about that.
You must be gutted.
Here's an idea that I had a long time ago, right?
And I swear I've got the drawings to prove this.
When I was 12, I was thinking, you know, an obvious thing that doesn't exist in the world is a utensil that is a combination of a spoon and a fork.
All you have to do is you have a spoon, but on one side of the spoon there are ridged
Fork-like prongs, you know what I mean?
So that you have the benefits of both the spoon and the fork.
I was going to call it the food.
That's where I went wrong.
Because of course now that exists.
You go to a camping shop and it's easy to find a spork.
Every every camping shop will have a spork.
But I invented them.
Well, some ideas are kind of obvious is the wrong word, but like conjoined words or a simple juxtaposition of two things that already exist, a lot of people will have the idea.
That's right.
Happens a lot in art and, you know, writing and stuff, doesn't it?
Just a dramatic idea.
But the successful people are the people that go out and actually act on it.
Do it, you know?
Yeah, exactly.
So we'll have some more of your texts about ideas that you had first coming up later on in the show.
But right now, here are the... How do you pronounce it?
Is it scat-a-lites or scar-ta-lites?
Scat-a-lites.
Scat-a-lites, okay, with ball of fire.
Mmm, that's Cribs.
Is it just Cribs or the Cribs?
No, it's the Cribs and it's called Men's Kneeds.
I would have listened to that a bit closer if I'd known that was what it was called.
He doesn't really...
I need men's.
Yeah, exactly.
So do I. I need men's.
And that's from the album Men's Needs.
Women's Needs.
Whatever.
Whatever.
Whatever.
That's good, man.
I enjoyed that.
The Cribs.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
We've got a whole load of exciting things going on that you, the listeners, can get involved with.
It's true, isn't it?
There's almost too much.
There's text the nation on the theme of ideas that you think you've had that other people have stolen.
There's song wars coming up, which we want your votes for.
You can choose the theme of next week's song wars.
Oh my lord.
You can suggest a theme for next week's text the nation.
It's so interactive, I almost wonder why we bother coming in.
I do too.
Do you do too?
Yes I do too.
Yes I do too.
We're going to be launching later on and we thought maybe you could come along but also we're going to be launching this week's Song Wars in just a second or rather we're going to be I'm confused
Don't worry, man.
It's confusing because we're about to play a Kate Nash song, and it's sending out weird nuclear waves of thoughtness.
Hey, before the Kate Nash song, let me tell you a little story.
OK.
OK.
I'm going to tell an old story in this voice.
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
This is something that happened to a friend of mine.
I'm going to change all the names, just in case of sensitivity.
But let's call them Oscar and Leo, OK?
My friend Oscar.
He, about seven, eight years ago, he was walking along the street one day in London town and he saw a kind of sale going on in some groovy part of town of Camden, somewhere like that.
And there was an artist just selling his some crappy little t-shirts and bits of paintings and stuff that he'd done on bits of all wood and cardboard.
Anyway, he snapped one of them up because he thought it was sort of funny.
Can you tell where this is going?
It's going to be amazingly valuable.
Well, it was a spray-on thing.
It's Banksy.
He bought a little piece of Banksy for his mate, Leo, and he paid about 80 quid for it, and he gave it to Leo as a birthday present about eight years ago.
Anyway, Leo had it valued the other day because, of course, Banksy's in the news now.
How much do you reckon?
From 80 quid.
This is just a little... Well, tens of thousands, I imagine.
How big is it?
It's small.
It's like a tiny, crappy little thing.
It's literally on a piece of old rubbishy cardboard.
Well, then probably not tens.
At his LA exhibition, they were selling for, you know, hundreds of thousands, weren't they?
50,000 pounds.
50 grand from an 80 quid investment in a little bit of Banksy.
How cool is that?
And here's the nice part of the story, right?
Because this is when you get into, you know, it could have been me territory.
What's that film with Nick Cage?
It could happen to you.
Anyway, Leo found out how much it was worth and now he's going to split the money with Oscar, who gave it to him.
Isn't that nice?
Just write down the real name.
50-50, I'll tell you the real names while we're listening to Kate Nash.
Not you, me.
Not you, pumpkin soup.
Kate Nash with a track called Pumpkin Soup.
Is that really called Pumpkin Soup?
Yeah, that's confusing, isn't it?
It is.
She doesn't sing about pumpkin soup.
No, pumpkin soup.
Or did I miss it?
Mentioned.
No, it's all about wanting someone's kiss.
Yeah, that's not bad.
It's slightly less irritating than the last one.
That's very nice.
A little bit of damning with faint praise there.
Well, you know, I'm just acknowledging some people's feelings because it's very catchy.
Yeah.
But sometimes things that are catchy in a simple way become irritating.
That's right.
Even though they have innate goodness.
They just get overplayed.
Like us.
yeah yeah yeah um there we go uh listen i've just got an important uh email from joel hues who sent in the suggestion for my song right last week it says morning it's joel hues here from last week's song wars just woke up did we win
Oh, Joel, man, we didn't.
Sorry to say, Joel, but you were trounced so much.
We were trounced.
75% to 25%.
James Rohan and Neanderthal Man won.
But now we have an entirely new set of songs for you in this week's Song Wars.
Play that jingle.
You didn't warn Ben about that, did you?
Sorry, I didn't warn Ben.
I threw him in there.
Adam just pointed at him as if he was going to set it going.
Here we go.
It's time for Song Wars.
Yes, indeedy and this week or other last week we told you that did we I can't remember it's so confusing no, no this week the songs were about They had to incorporate the following elements.
Yes to be a sincere Yes, because we were having a discussion about how both Adam and I tended to sort of wrap up
songs because we were a bit embarrassed about actually singing or do silly voices and stuff in a sincere way so we decided that this week's song we'd both try and sing in a sincere way so we had to pick a subject that we could be sincere and passionate about and that subject is global warming.
Yeah climate change and that kind of thing and also the other element because we were listening to that Peter Bjorn and John track
what's it called again young folks there you go with the wonderful whistling there and we thought that's the way to get a hit you know we've got to get some whistling so it had to be sincere it had to be about climate change and it had to incorporate whistling how do you think you've done on those three elements there Joe
I don't know.
I'm not that confident this week.
How's the sincerity?
The sincerity's... I don't know, man.
You'd be the judge of that.
It's very difficult, isn't it?
I mean, even trying to be sincere.
My lyrics about global warming, about climate change, are pretty much from the heart.
And I was thinking back, like, they're sort of embarrassing because they're so stupid.
Stupid.
But I am a bit stupid.
Do you try and sing?
I'm really trying to sing my Knackers off.
So anyway, shall we play the songs?
Who wants to go first this week?
Do you want to go first?
I'll go first.
What the hell?
Yeah, this is my song.
It's just called The Global Warming Song.
I'm no good with naming the songs.
No, mine is called Sincere Whistling Eco Song.
That's more imaginative than my title.
And this is kind of in the style of the Kings of Convenience.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's kind of balladee and noodley.
It has some whistling
And it's also got the sound of a distressed polar bear.
Oh, I thought about polar bears as well.
Did you?
Yeah, I've got a lyrical nod.
So this is my track.
This is called The Global Warming Song.
No, Ben, stop.
Stop, Ben.
That's the wrong one.
That could have been disastrous.
If you've got the right one now.
OK, this is my song, Joe's song.
It's called The Global Warming Song.
The world is dying.
The world is dying.
In a couple of years we will all be frying But don't worry about it, it might not be true A channel for documentary said everything might be cool
Your voice procured to sleep provocative After all, the public's trust in TV is dying A book painter, arts and tech, who can we trust anymore?
I don't know, it's confusing.
It's the fact that it's sunny.
A good thing or a bad thing.
The coyote's so proto cold.
It's cold and cold and cold.
It fakes a lot Tony Blair.
But the limits the government set are so low.
It's a balling balling balling.
rising and the polar bears feel pain
There we are.
That's the Global Warming song.
Wow.
That's good, man.
I've got a few of those themes in there.
I didn't go for Al Gore though.
I tried to hold myself back on that one.
Maidly.
What's Maidly done?
Maidly does the extreme weather program.
He profits from global warming.
While the world suffers, he's coining it.
You have raised your game there, man.
Do you think?
You have raised... That took me less time than any other song I've ever done.
No, did it?
That's my favourite one of all the ones you've done.
I really phoned that one in.
That was good.
I'm in trouble.
Do you think?
I'm in a little bit of trouble.
It doesn't bode well.
But musically, I've gone in a totally different direction, though.
You're going to need to really put some volume beef into this, Ben.
And mine is called the Sincere Whistling Eco Song.
Check it out.
People look around you cause your hold is disappearing People stop your whistling cause time is running out Can you forgive me baby, what have I done?
You know I never meant to hurt you and I'm not the only one I was flying to the beach, I was driving just for fun Won't you listen to me whistle while I'm dying in the sun?
Oh, people stop your whistling and think about the climb
The polar bears are drowning and the seas are rising up And all because we like to drink out of a plastic cup The world will be a desert, or maybe under ice I can't remember which it is, but it will not be nice There might be time if we change our ways for ways That he starts with the scientific community says Although it is confusing, cause sometimes we disagree But changing our behavior should be good for you and me So if we stop and we're so little
about the future.
Keep on stopping with some later.
Think about the kids.
It's very low down.
That's some more casserole strings in there.
Did you put the backing track together or is that one that comes packaged?
No, that was the little, I think it's called Island Reggae.
That was pre-packaged, the rest of it.
That's original.
Really?
Buxton skills.
One of the many things I liked about that was that the lyrics and whistling just stopped for quite long periods.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was good, man.
Thank you.
It showed a confidence and both of us hitting there, the rising sea levels and the polar bears, obviously one of both of our chief concerns.
And also, you know, talking about the fact that there is still a little controversy.
There's no controversy about the fact that the climate is changing, but scientists are still disagreeing on key points.
So listen, your job, please, it's not really a job, we're asking you, please, please do it, help us, Doctor, is to text and let us know which of those songs you think is the better one.
Text 64046 during the show, vote Adam or Joe.
Or while the song's off, if you're listening to this, what?
While the show's off, if you're listening to this on Listen Again, you can email adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
Yes, there you go.
Now, do we have time for another track before the news?
Yes.
Okay, Joe, this is one that I think you chose.
Well, that's nice.
A bit of Cheap Trick.
Yeah, this is great.
This is from my favourite film ever, Over the Edge, directed by Jonathan Kaplan.
It's by an American band from the 70s called Cheap Trick, and it's called Surrender.
There you go, that's the Shins with Sea Legs.
That's going to be their new single released on December the 3rd from their album, Wintzing the Night Away, which you should really get if you haven't got already.
Wintzing.
Wintzing.
Yeah.
Wintzing.
How do you wince the night away?
Yeah, you just go, oh dear, oh dear.
You just wander around going, ooh.
Why?
Because you're in the company of embarrassing people.
Yeah, I would say so.
He's socially awkward, you know?
Sounds a bit aloof of the shins.
They are a little bit aloof.
Are they?
I mean, they spend the whole evening wincing at other people's behaviour.
That's what they're going to be doing.
They're going to be going around going, oh, I don't belong here.
I'm a creep.
I'm a weirdo.
What am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
You know, it's a classic theme for the indie popsters.
It's true.
But what an amazing song.
And what a fantastic band.
That's one of the... It's one of my albums of the year, John.
Is it really?
Yeah, wincing an iron one.
It's text the nation time.
Thanks to everybody who's been texting in.
We're going to catch up with some of your texts about ideas you believe have been stolen from you or that you had first and then have appeared, sponsored and marketed by someone else who's coining the cash that should be yours.
This is one from Richard Flight and he's in the climber's shop.
Did we have someone else texting from the climbing shop?
He was the web guy from the climbers shop before who texted I think.
Well we're reading out another one from him then.
Okay.
Hi Adam and Jo on the subject of having ideas before they were popular.
When I was a kid the wallpaper in my parents' toilet, the room, not the toilet itself, the papers are toilet.
No, exactly.
...was a repetitive pattern of some flower or other.
I happened to notice one day that if you weren't focusing on the wall itself, they sometimes all converged and started to look three-dimensional.
I thought at the time how cool that was, and I used to do it a lot whilst revealing myself.
I even tried to make some drawings that did the same thing and became three-dimensional.
Well, obviously I was just a kid, didn't have a fully formed marketing plan, so forgot about it.
Lo and behold, a few years later, magic eye pictures were all the rage.
Magic eye!
Every kid had one on their bedroom wall and every spare person was selling them on street corners.
Damnation!
That's right.
That's a nice way of categorising the people that sell things like that as well.
What?
Spare people?
Well, he didn't use the word people.
He used a word that I'm not sure I can say on radio.
Almost certainly not.
That's a good one.
Thanks for that.
Yeah.
Dean Mitchell from Trowbridge.
The gateway to the gateway to Bath.
But whose phone was that?
Don't think it was mine.
Mine just buzzes.
Oops.
Dean says, I was the first person in the world to attach card with pegs to my rally tomahawk and latterly my chopper.
No.
It made a clicking noise which sounded a bit like a moped but not really.
You're insane.
People have been doing that since the 50s for goodness sake.
Do you think?
Yes.
Dean reckons it was him.
It wasn't you, Dean.
But that's a good example of someone with an inflated sense of significance.
Yeah.
Wouldn't you say?
Yeah, definitely.
Here's what David Oldham offers us.
Oh, his name's Dave, offers us three ones.
Here's my favourite of the three.
My brother has been known to write short stories in the postmodern slash Paul Auster style.
I wouldn't know what that was.
You've never read any Paul Auster?
No.
New York trilogy, wasn't that his?
Does he write for Heat magazine?
No.
Oh, in that case, I'm not familiar with it.
He can't.
He can't.
He sends them stuff, but they will not publish it.
He won't do it.
He's brilliant.
He writes really clever stuff.
and you should read a book.
I'm gonna go and find one of them.
Where do you find these books?
Stations.
Stations?
Train stations, yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna go to a train station.
He writes kind of very, kind of intellectual, you know, postmodern but brilliant, really good stories and they're always profoundly meaningful and amazing connections and stuff about tramps who are actually millionaires and that sort of business.
Is it like Roald Dahl?
It's like the Channel 4 series The Secret Millionaire.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
He once told me the outline of a story he was working on.
It was about a girl who is ignored by friends and colleagues.
After being ignored for so long, she eventually becomes invisible.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
That is good.
uh he's she's sort of erased by people ignoring her right yeah he'd got the whole thing planned out he was going to write it up he looked gutted when i told him that what he just described was an episode of buffy the vampire slayer yeah i know that he can't have nicked it from buffy because his girlfriend considers buffy porn and won't let him watch this
quite right that is very frustrating when you have that that kind of synchronous thing you're just not aware of the fact that this is going on in the world already I remember when I was at college I was doing a lot of kind of goofy parodies of the news and it was all about the delivery of the news you know the way news readers I remember that pre-day today yeah and
And then, of course, and I wasn't listening to the radio at the time, but if I had been, I would have known that Chris Morris and Amanda Inucci were doing the radio version of the day-to-day, which was called On The Hour.
And that was pointed out to me by my tutor at college, who suggested that I equate myself with what was going on in the world.
And of course, they were doing it slightly better.
Oh dear.
Here's another one from Kerry McNabb.
Uh, dear Adam and Joe, firstly it's marvellous to hear you on the airwaves again.
Just had to read that for now.
That's nice, isn't it?
Uh, but I have to rant.
My flatmate and I had the idea for the film Run Fat Boy Run, way before Peg came up with it.
We not only wrote our idea down, but also cast it as well.
Then, lo and behold, it was made without our consultation, which is rude.
This is like the lady who was on Dragon's Den the other day.
with her bizarre film idea yeah you know see they cast it as well what they were going to cast peg swimmer didn't swimmer come up with that peg rewrote the script i'm not sure that the peg came up with the actual idea it was set in america then then he wrote rewrote it for england right but uh yeah that's frustrating i haven't seen run fat boy run have you no still haven't seen it it was it did very well didn't extremely well it's the peg factor man he's gold that guy he's gold everything he touches yeah there you go
So we have a few more of these a bit later on, we'll wrap that up in a second.
But right now, here is the Queen of the Stone Age.
This reminds me that we haven't replied to Zane's invitation yet, have you?
Zane Lowe's party invitation, no.
He's gonna be anxious.
This is one of his favourite bands.
My email's been down, that's my excuse.
Anyway, here's Queen of the Stone Age, enjoy it.
That's the Queens of the Stone Age with make it wit chew.
Does that mean Chewbacca?
Yes, it does.
He wants to make love to Chewbacca.
He wants to have a little hairy snog with a wookie.
Yeah, I wouldn't go further than a snog because they're violent animals.
Their mating habits are quite bizarre.
I don't even want to think about the implications.
I wouldn't, but take it from me.
They have two shampoo all over afterwards.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A wookie.
Now, Joe, I know that you're not a fan of I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.
That's true.
Despite the fact that, you know, Ant and Dec presented.
It's true, they're brills.
I love Ant and Dec, you know?
I do my best to dislike them because it seems to be like that's what a sort of cynical person would do.
But I can't do it because they're good, man.
I like them.
They're amusing.
I chuckle at all their lame gags.
They do a good job on that programme.
Do you remember I ran into them in Los Angeles earlier in the year?
Did you?
Yeah.
In a restaurant.
How was that?
Which one's which?
Ant is the taller of the two, with a slightly more dough-like head.
He looked depressed.
He didn't say much.
He fixed me with a slightly surly gaze.
Did he?
The other one... Deck, Declan.
...was really lovely.
I'm not saying that that's their characters, but just at that particular moment, tall ones seemed quite tired.
Yeah, Ant is more volatile, I get the impression.
They were sitting in silence.
Well, I'm sure they're talked out.
The restaurant was quite empty and they were sat there in complete silence.
Like a married couple.
With a blonde lady.
Probably like what you and me would be like if we were in LA in a restaurant.
What would we say to each other?
We'd be excited.
We'd be unwrapping DVDs and stuff.
That's right.
And flicking through mags.
Anyway, anyway, it wasn't that in the deck that I was going to talk about, and I'm sure that, you know, everybody's been talking about this if they have been watching the show, but Mark Bannerman, I didn't even know who this guy was last week, but do you remember I mentioned the fact that I was concerned for his girlfriend because there was a burgeoning romance on the programme between EastEnders star, as I now understand that he is, Mark Bannerman and Kerris Matthews, former singer of Catatonia, who's been on the show, and they were flirting like nobody's business for the first week out there.
And it was really sort of pretty sexy, steamy stuff.
Nothing actually happened, okay?
Nothing more extremely physical than a hug here and there, but there were some very lingering looks going on.
And you could really tell that they felt something intense was happening.
Intense and spiritual was going on.
And of course, the program makers edited it to make it look like it was more or less a done sexy deal.
Yeah.
So I was worried for the girlfriend of Mark Bannerman.
I don't think Kerris is in a relationship at the moment, but Mark Bannerman was.
I was thinking, man, this guy is going to pay the price when he gets out.
Sure enough, this week he was the first to be booted out.
And not waiting for him there was his girlfriend, who had flown out a few days before him.
Not waiting for him?
She didn't show up?
She'd gone out to Australia a few days before, but while she was on the plane,
things had got even steamier.
So when she arrived in Australia, she was confronted with a load more steamy footage and... What sort of thing had been happening?
The looks had got even more lingering.
The toad ain't gone in the hole.
No, no, there was no whole toad action.
It was just that it was the writing was very much on the war, you know, and he was even saying to the other members of the camp, you know, I think I'm in real trouble.
I think I'm really in so many words.
He was saying, I think I'm falling in love with her, you know, with the Welsh songstress.
Yeah, with the popstrel.
Um, I'm never going to say pop still again in my life.
Um, but you know, at first, when, when his girlfriend turned up, I think she's called Sarah at the airport and there was loads of paparazzi round her all snapping away.
She seemed fairly upbeat to the extent that I thought maybe it's not even a real relationship.
Do you know what I mean?
Maybe, maybe he was just saying like, look, pretend to be my, it's a panto.
And you can stand a hotel, but I don't think that's true.
I think she just didn't realise how steamy it had gotten.
Anyway, by the time he was ejected, she had left.
She had gone on a plane and gone back.
She wasn't having any more of it.
So he gets out of the show and sits down with that in deck to have the post-prandial chat and have the glass of champagne and look back at some clips and be all upbeat about it.
And he's like, where's Sarah?
And they said she's flown back.
And he was absolutely ashen-faced, mortified to the extent that he couldn't really indulge in any of the upbeat banter.
He couldn't do anything.
They were saying, so give us some gossip from the camp.
He's like, mate, I can't.
I've embarrassed her.
I've embarrassed myself.
so they had to fill like half an hour of telly uh they had to they had to do a little bit of filling they had lots of packages they could throw to but the packages compounded his uh mortification because he saw the way he'd come across and i've never seen anything so viscerally real on tv for quite some time this guy was totally destroyed in terms of his emotional reaction yeah i felt bad for him i mean obviously he'd behaved like a bit of a prat
in some ways, but on the other hand, he was clearly gutted.
And not only that, but the weeks were stretching ahead of him, the idea that not only could he not enjoy the hotel and everything that's laid on for them out there, he had to get right back on the plane and head back to what was going to be a pretty miserable time.
Patch Adams.
Yeah, do some serious Patch Adams work.
And then later on I went over to ITV2 and they had Matt Willis from Busted who won last year presenting.
and he got a little interview with Mark Bannerman but Matt Willis was in no way equipped to deal with the raw levels of emotion so he was saying so how was it and he's like mate I can't even talk to you now I've got I've got to get on a plane I've got a phone call to make I'm in real trouble he's like yeah yeah but I mean funny stories or anything I can't look I just can't
And Matt Willis was totally in trouble because the rawness was too intense.
I've got to see that.
I've got to YouTube that.
Yeah, yeah.
It was a pretty extraordinary moment.
Anyway, there you go.
Now here's a track from The Fall that I've chosen for you listeners after that long diversion into the jungle.
I hope you enjoy this.
This is from their album The Unutterable and they're never less than interesting The Fall and
sonically, orally, hourly.
This is sort of weird for the four, very electronically, but I like it particularly because it ends with Marky Smith sort of reading from what appears to be an article about the DJ Pete Tong.
So he starts reading out little facts about Pete Tong from this article about what he carries around with him in his purse or whatever, to the extent that he sort of cracks himself up while he's reading it.
Hope you enjoy it.
This is called Dr. Buck's Letter by the Four.
The essence of time now.
Checklist.
I never leave home without one.
Sunglasses.
I wear them all year round and seem to need them more often.
It's a habit.
Music.
Cassettes.
CDs.
Three palm pilots.
It's my lifeline.
I think it's my PA's computer.
She runs my diary and I download it.
Four of our phone.
Five Amex card.
They made such a fuss about giving it to me.
But I spent four times getting it turned down.
I was in the realm of the essence of Tong.
Very exciting.
Arctic Monkeys with a track called Teddy Picker.
Do you remember when we first heard about the Arctic Monkeys?
You came into the studio when we were back at XFM and you had an article that you cut out and you said, look at this, these guys, can you believe there's a band called the Arctic Monkeys?
Did I?
Yeah.
And you said, I've been reading all this hype about them.
I'm sick of them already.
Did I?
I haven't even heard a bit of their music yet.
Yeah.
And we were both pouring scorn all over the notion.
We were stupid.
We were stupid because they turned out to be wickles.
What a couple of idiots.
Wickle wackles.
I forgot about that.
Yeah, there you go.
It is a bad name for a band, though, still.
I like it.
Do you?
Yeah.
You're not used to it now.
They don't exist.
They couldn't survive in the Arctic.
I thought they were Arctic monkeys.
They do exist.
They can survive in the Arctic.
Maybe not in the Arctic, but I'm thinking of that film as it happened.
I like to say the sea.
Power cut sea.
Arctic.
Arctic nice and hard in them our cat see or one of those films.
No, it's it's a who Kawa Nitzkwa Boracu Boracu Boracu Boracu Boracu, you know, it's one of the films about with long shots of sunsets and people yeah, it is and stuff and quite an it's so yeah power cat see and quite a scotchy
I think it's Boracar, the tree people, or whatever it was.
That's got a monkey with ice on its head and it's in a lake that's peeking out of the freezing.
Borac should do a film like that.
That's a good idea.
Boraczkan Krowski.
If you'd just be wandering around in, like, Mexican salt mines.
Are there salt mines in Mexico?
We can find some for you.
Aye, we don't know what we're talking about.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
We should probably wrap up Text the Nation now.
Could we just have the Text the Nation jingle one more time there?
Text, text, textination.
What if I don't want to?
Textination.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text.
This is an email sent from GP.
What?
From your GP.
His name's Giles Pocklington, but he shortens it to GP.
He's a GP.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Dear Adam and Joe, this is a list of things I'm sure I thought of years before they appeared in the marketplace.
Number one, the hard drive video recorder.
I told my mum about my great idea when I was 13, 23 years ago.
Maybe my mum sold her son's idea to EnormoCorp, but I haven't experienced any trickle down yet.
Wait a second, hard drive video, so what would his description have been then?
Uh, recording video images onto a computer hard disk.
Yeah.
23 years ago.
23, he reckons.
I think that's a lie.
Because also it would have been meaningless back then.
Did you hear that, GP?
GP, I'm not having it.
I'm just calling you a liar.
Because what would... I don't understand what your idea would have been because it would have been totally meaningless.
You needed the capacity and back... You're picking a fight with GP.
Back then, like, a big computer back then was about 200 megabytes of space, you know what I mean?
Yeah, you could still come up with a premise.
Yeah, right hold off on your anger.
Here's the second one dog it the yogurt for dogs This started out as a weak joke actually a spin-off from my cat cheese idea But that's a good idea But then I thought that dog owners are generally so soppy that they would buy this again Someone has stolen my brainwaves and he includes a picture of a dog with a four-pack of dog.
There you go That's a good idea, man
You know, and the fact that he says it's a weak joke, self-effacing, admitting, you know, that that weakness, to me, strengthens the probability that the hardest recorder is true.
I think he's honest with himself.
Maybe he's a visionary like Dr. Nakamats.
Maybe, and you just can't accept it.
Idea number three, I also had an idea about a mesh that could be woven into an aircraft's fuselage, which could tell the pilot if any damage had occurred on the plane.
Based on my own extensive experience of building Lego fighter planes next year It appeared on tomorrow's world and I'd like to say that he puts an apostrophe before the P of plane Which again is attention to detail that to me suggests that this you do that as well They put an apostrophe in front of its correct English.
Yeah, do I have to phone phone?
I'm cool
And I think I get on very well with GP.
GP, I believe all of that.
Man, GP, act on some of these ideas, guy.
For goodness sake.
Yeah, the next one, do it.
Yeah, seriously.
Patented.
Here's one from Steve Banjo.
Stevie Banjo.
Steven Banjo.
Three years ago, I was at a lavish corporate drinks stew and ended up chatting to the director of communications for McDonald's.
I got really rather drunk in Larry and began telling him that I knew McDonald's marketing strategy at the time was all wrong, mate.
All about trying to convince us how healthy McD's was.
They do salads, lower salt content, etc, etc, rubbish.
You're barking up the wrong tree.
It's not healthiness that'll get your average middle-class taxpayer into Mickey D's.
I said it's quality.
People don't expect a burger to be healthy.
They just want it made out of proper meat.
Okay?
Right.
So instead of trying to convince us it's healthy, which will never work, just add a completely premium burger to the menu, I argued.
You could get Aberdeen Angus steak even.
You've got the supply chain, the contacts, the farmers, the marketing, the outlets, everything you need.
It'd be easy.
All you do is buy good steak meat, cook it properly, slap it on the menu for $5.99.
If you just had that one burger on the menu, I'd go to McDonald's.
You can call it, I said in a moment of inspiration, the McAngus.
And they have one.
Yeah, he didn't listen to me, but one year later, I was walking down Queensway and was arrested by a massive banner in the window of McDonald's... Burger... I'm having to skip bits that are quite rude about McDonald's.
Right.
Uh... Oh no, it's in Burger King.
The... in the window of Burger King.
Knew that Angus Burger made with Aberdeen Angus steak meat.
There you go.
So Mickey D didn't even pay attention when a gift horse was looking him in the mouth.
He probably mentioned it drunkenly to the Burger King guy.
Right.
At one of the secret Burger King things.
The clown got wasted and he was sick.
Staggering over the muck bohemian Grove he went over to the king and the king was there looking creepy at the ATM or whatever And he just mentioned the Angus idea Well, you shouldn't be giving ideas to evil corporations, you know
Yeah, it's true.
You should be trying to bring them down.
Yeah, like Mark Thomas, speaking of which.
Did you see the coke thing?
Here's another one from Peter Green and Seward Zend, Safran Walden.
Dear Adam and Jo, my brother unashamedly claims to have invented the noise and insult that you make when you're challenging someone's mental ability.
You know, the noise you make when you push your tongue into the mouth.
It's called the meh.
It's called the meh.
Below your bottom lip and make the noise.
It's a great relief to him that no money has ever been made from it.
That's quite common, you know, thinking you've thought of a phrase or a joke first.
Like, I'm convinced I thought of Mickey Bubbles.
For Michel Bublé.
Yes, I think you did too.
V singer.
Yeah.
But then I saw him hosting the Paul O'Grady show and he was using it himself.
I bet he heard it off you.
Do you think?
Definitely.
Do you think I was the first to say Mickey Bubbles?
You're certainly the first that I heard.
I remember when you said that first and I thought, Joe's clever, I like him.
Oh.
There we go.
We do have more.
We might come back to them if we have any more brilliant ones.
You can still text 64046 or email adamandjo.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
Don't forget we're looking for your ideas for Song Wars next week, plus any suggestions for Text the Nation next week.
Basically, just write the show.
If you want to present it, give us a call.
I need a cleaner.
Yeah, I need a haircut.
I need some kind of nutritionist as well.
I'll tell you the other thing I need, my email's gone down.
If anyone could sort that out.
I phoned up the... I like snogging attractive people.
Yeah.
Anyone who wants a snog?
Nude photos, that kind of thing.
Yeah, and just send us anything.
That would be ideal.
Right now, here is a song.
This is the first single I ever bought, Joe Cornish.
Oh no, what's it gonna be?
It's Kraftwerk with the model.
That's a different version to the one I've got on my Greatest Hits collection.
I think that might be a live version, might it?
Our notes here say recorded for dot, dot, dot, dot, so it might be a... Oh, right, and then a session thing.
Yeah.
There you go.
That was XTC with Life Begins at the Hop, and before that you heard Kraftwerk with the model.
Yeah, you know when people say the hop, it reminds me of the Walton hop.
Mmm, you know what happened there.
Yes, we do.
It's creepy.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music, the station where music matters.
How much though?
A great deal.
Oh, what would it do for music?
Anything.
If there was a problem with the music, it would do its own music.
Yeah.
Would it get in a fight for the music?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
To the death?
Yeah.
Oh my lord.
Yeah.
It's actually a problem.
We wouldn't though, would we?
We might have to.
Yeah.
Because we work here.
Scary.
Hey listen, this week I went to see a film.
Well done.
Thank you very much.
I don't go to the films very often because of the children factor.
It's very hard to get out of the house but we made it to a special screening of a new film that has a friend of ours in it.
The film is called No Country for Old Men and it's the new film by the Coen brothers and the friend of ours that's in it is Kelly McDonald.
Hang on, when you say we and ours,
Who you taught me and my beautiful wife.
So we went along and checked it out.
It is wicked, man.
Ooh, it's so good.
And I'm not like the Coen brothers have had a run of slightly stinky films.
They've had some problems with the Lady Killers.
They had some problems with the Lady Killers.
That wasn't so bad.
It was almost invisible.
Oh my lord.
They did a film that nobody even saw.
There was one with Clooney and Zeta Jones in it that I saw.
That's the one.
Oh my gosh.
I can't even remember what it was called.
It was just a disgrace.
It was like a sort of romantic screwball comedy.
Yeah.
But they're back on form.
It was shocking.
Back on form in a big way.
In a very big way.
And it's like fairly familiar territory for them.
It's fargonic.
Yeah, it's very far gone.
A lot of thematically similar things going on there and some of the extreme violence you feel as if they've done before.
But they've certainly put like an amazing new sheen on the whole thing and packed it with enough new flourishes to make it well worth the visit.
Unfortunately, he's not in it.
He's not an amazing new Sheen.
I was disappointed by the lack of the amazing Sheen.
Where's his kids?
Charlie's.
Yeah, there should be a new generation of Sheens.
There should be.
Absolutely right.
Mr Sheen.
Mr Sheen.
Get with it, Charlie.
He's too busy being selfish, though, isn't he?
It's true.
To have children.
Anyway, Josh Brolin is in it.
He's sexy.
And there's a guy in it called Javier Bardem.
Are you familiar with him?
Yeah, yeah.
He's a Spanish actor, right?
What kind of stuff?
Do you know what he's been in before?
All sorts of films.
He looks like a kind of chunkier, more thick set Antonio Banderas, kind of heavily lidded eyes.
He's hot right now.
He's so hot right now.
But he plays this kind of pure psychopathic killer man in this film.
And it's like a classic
Villain being born right before your eyes, you know what I mean?
He goes around and his modus operata Well, some of it's in the trailer.
Okay, so in the trailer you see that he goes around and he carries with him an oxygen tank with this Sort of air gun thing that's used to kill cattle and stuff like that You know, they put it up to their foreheads and bang a bolt comes out and it just kills them instantly and
And this is what this guy uses to dispatch a lot of his victims, right?
That's not new.
Ah, who else has used that?
Michael Hanneker's Benny's video.
Really?
There you go.
Anyway, well this, he cuts an amazing figure.
You see this guy walking around.
Does he go around with the oxygen tank in Benny's video?
No.
No.
Well this is what makes it so cool this time.
And he's also got an amazing mad haircut this guy.
The Coen brothers have like got this incredibly sinister, creepy, long, fringe haircut.
It's difficult to describe.
It looks like a lady's wig that this guy's wearing almost.
And he's such a...
They are creeped, aren't they?
And he's a frightening figure.
Anyway, there's a brilliant bit in the film where after an incredibly exciting intense shoot up where a lot of people get injured and the injuries are really horrific in this film.
You see all the misery of gunplay.
Joe loves a bit of gunplay misery where you'll be happy with this because he gets badly shot in the leg, right?
And there's a great scene and it's like a sort of, he gets peppered with, you know, shot from a shotgun kind of thing.
and he has to go and operate on himself.
You see that in itself is brilliant because most movies don't bother with the repercussions of injury.
Yeah.
But when they do it's always a winner.
When Rambo has to sew up his big stitch.
That's right.
That brilliant bit in what's the Clooney war film?
Three Kings.
When they show you the exact
uh anatomy of a gunshot wound do you remember that going into the gut and yeah exactly because really there's enough drama in just being shot once exactly and the subsequent uh debilitation and pain that that would uh but it's it's a brilliant thing i love it in movies when people have to operate on themselves
And this is an all-time classic of self-operation, right?
Javier Bardem sewing up his gunshot wound in No Country for Old Men is just excruciating.
Where is the wound in the leg?
It's in the leg, and he's brilliant because he's got like a real doctor's mind on him.
This guy's really smart, so he knows exactly what to do.
He kind of breaks into a pharmacy, gets all the equipment, then goes home.
sloppy self-operation.
No, he's good, man.
He's good.
And you know another one that's similar is Ronin.
Do you remember that?
Where De Niro gets a gunshot wound, I think, there as well.
And he has to, he basically has to lie on the table and instruct his mates how to extract the bullet and stuff.
And he's, ah, it's really painful.
It's one of my favourite self-operation moments.
Shall I injure you?
If you could.
You could operate on yourself.
That's what I was working around to.
Shall I do that to you for Christmas?
Yeah, well maybe you could do it to me while we're listening to the pipettes right now.
I'll use this bar.
This is Paul Shapes.
There you go.
That's Paul Shapes by the pipettes.
It's exciting, isn't it?
It's like being tickled by schoolgirls.
It was very upbeat.
It was nice.
I don't know what it's like being tickled by schoolgirls.
I do, and it's exactly like that song.
It's nice.
Very nice.
Hey, somebody texted in, Steve in Leicester says, let's not forget the Swayze moment in Road House where he stitches his own wound.
Brilliant.
I love it.
You know, I can't believe that Joe says he hasn't seen that film.
Not all the way through.
It's My Way or The Highway.
I've heard of its reputation.
Ah, it's a peach.
Is it really?
Yeah, you can get that film for like £1.50 or something on DVD.
Wow.
It's well worth a look.
That's an enjoyable slice of Swayze right there.
Some of my favourite operation moments in films.
I like the bit in Day of the Dead.
I like an operation where someone wakes up.
Yeah, in a film.
I like the bit in Day of the Dead.
It's a zombie so it's not really a person but he's on the table and his guts are open and he sits up and all his guts fall.
I like that bit.
There's a great German film called Autopsy.
Actually it's not great, it's rubbish.
That's all about people being awake during a break.
I mean, that is the most horrific thing that you could possibly imagine, isn't it?
When you read stories about people who are conscious during their operations but unable to say anything, so they can hear all the sounds, they don't actually necessarily feel all the pain and everything.
This is unsuitable for early Saturday morning.
Oh my lord.
Terminator as well.
I mean, he's a robot as well, but there's some very good self-operation in Terminator 1 and 2.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we mentioned Rambo, of course, total recall as well.
That kind of counts when he... Stuffing that thing up his nose.
Yeah, we mentioned it the other day, to get the thing out of his brain, the little beeper.
It's good.
And there's a great beeper moment in No Country for Old Men, as well.
It's very good.
I'm having a sort of an idea about a group of surgeons.
Okay, have we got the news?
I'll do the idea after the news.
No, I'm excited.
It's a cliffhanger.
No, wait, it's a cliffhanger.
What's the news?
Teasing me about the surgeons?
We're gonna make money off of this.
Okay, it's coming up to half past 11 here on BBC 6 Music.
This is Adam and Joe.
Half an hour left of our show, but right now here is the news read to you by Harvey Cooke.
Ben Folds with Rock in the Suburbs.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
We left you on a cliffhanger before the news.
Joe is just about to reveal his amazing idea for a bit of self-surgery film action.
Well, I think we can all agree that it's an exciting component in any feature film when somebody injures themselves and has to operate on it themselves.
A bit of auto-surgery.
So how about going with that idea and kind of building a whole film around it?
My idea is for a film about a group of the world's top surgeons.
And they're flying in a private jet to a top surgeon conference.
Right.
They fly over some area of the Amazon.
Yeah.
That's inhabited by cannibals.
Oh.
And the plane crashes.
Yeah.
So the top surgeons are stuck in the jungle and they're attacked by the cannibals.
I like it.
uh they're really they're completely vicious they're vicious they're cannibals they attack them in all sorts of new ways injuring them in ways previously unknown the surgeons surgery skills are pushed to the limit and they're even attacked while they're doing surgery
Some of them are separated.
They've got all their equipment as well.
So we're moving this whole genre beyond the needle and thread.
Stitching up a wound thing.
It's like brain operations going on on one end of the body simultaneously reattaching a leg while another guy's reattaching the leg of the guy who's reattaching the leg and the cannibals are attacking.
He's chewing on the toes.
He's chewing on the toes.
There's not enough cameras to cover the action.
It's in iMac.
and digital DTS.
I like it.
It's amazing.
I like it.
I like it.
It's got a deal.
It's a bit like a live meets cannibal Holocaust.
Yes.
Maybe that would be the pitch.
Yeah.
Meets.
What's a good surgeon film?
Sammy the surgeon.
I had another idea for a love Sammy the surgeon.
I had another idea for a film this week about a stuntman and he's a very famous stuntman.
He gets infected by a virus.
It's called Resident Evil Knievel and he gets infected with a zombie virus.
But this makes him a more famous stuntman because he can do amazing stunts.
And it doesn't matter because he's immortal, he's a zombie, but his manager has a tough time because he keeps trying to eat everybody.
Wait a second, isn't that a bit, what was the dreadful Nick Cage film?
The Ghost Rider?
Yeah, not the same.
It's got a little bit of that in it though.
It's not one I will pursue because it's derivative of Hot Rod and there's an Australian film called The Devil Made Me Do It About a Stunt Man.
It's too similar to a lot of other stuff out there.
It's good stuff though.
You've sorted with the surgeons.
It's good enough for a radio link.
We need a title for the surgeons film though.
We couldn't think of anything immediately because, you know, Resident Evil Knievel, that's great stuff.
Heal, it might be called heal thyself or something, you know?
Yes, exactly.
Something like that.
We thought another good self-operation bit is in Apokolipto.
There's a terrific little bit where the mother of a little boy sews up a wound in his arm or leg with ants' heads.
She gets the ants to bite the wound together and then she pulls the bodies off the ants, so just the heads are left.
He's clever, that anti-semite, isn't he?
That's Mel Gibbons.
He's brilliant, he's brilliant.
The genius racist.
Yeah, that's what I call him.
And there's lots more, in fact.
Somebody else mentioned the bit in Pan's Labyrinth, where Captain Medell sews up the side of his mouth.
Pan's Labyrinth was almost too much for me.
It's way too much.
I'm a big fan of Guillermo del Toro's work.
I'm not a massive fan of Pan's Labyrinth.
It's good.
It's imaginative stuff, but some of it is so extreme.
It's hard to justify.
There's one bit in there where, if you've seen the film, you'll know what I'm talking about.
It involves some face bashing.
bottle of man's face.
One bit is the opening scene.
It's the most upsetting bit of violence that I've ever, ever seen in a film.
It's really hard to take, but pretty, you know, pretty good film all in all.
Do we have a little bit of chirpy music now?
No.
Okay.
Okay.
Yes.
Are we going to do, what is this?
It's a trail we're going to play right now for the Ravenettes playing in the hub.
Is that right?
Oh, we're going to do Interpol.
I was always excited about the trails and the news, very upset to hear about Bonjay de Role splitting.
I didn't know they'd formed.
No, I don't know who they are.
I mean, Bonjay de Role?
Is that a big band right now?
It's very upsetting for them, but anyway, here's Interpol.
That's Interpol with number one in threesome.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music coming up to the end of our show.
We've got less than quarter of an hour left.
I know.
And we've got a lot to pack in, actually.
So let's get straight on with reminding people who may have just tuned in of the two songs up for Song Wars this week.
This is the part of the show where Adam and I compose songs individually on a theme, and then you have to vote for which one you think is the best.
This week's theme, it was a kind of three-pronged theme.
It had to be sung sincerely, it was about global warming, and it had to have a whistling passage in it.
Yeah.
So let's start with mine.
This is simply called the global warming song, and it's done in the style of the kings of convenience.
Now we were actually, that was just a little tease there, but I thought we were going to play the whole thing.
We should play the whole thing, shouldn't we?
We should play the whole thing, yeah.
Oh, here we go.
The world is dying.
In a couple of years we will all be frightened
said everything might be cool.
I saw that documentary.
A Channel 4 might be lying.
A Channel 4 is quick, you are to sleep provocative.
After all, the public's trust in TV is dying.
I'm both Peter, Branson, Tech.
Who can we trust anymore?
How much spring comes early?
Should I be happy?
It's confusing.
It's the fact that it's sunny.
A good thing or a bad thing.
The Kyoto protocol is calling, calling, calling.
Thanks a lot Tony Blair.
But the limits the government set are so low.
It's a balling, balling, balling.
Double reports.
Still rising, and the polar bears feel pain
There we go.
How much more sincere than that can you get?
That was good.
It starts with a real sucker punch about the world dying.
And you say you phoned that one in, man.
I can't believe that.
Those harmonies and stuff?
I gotta try this hard.
Nah.
Top of the head.
No way.
Sometimes the best stuff just comes out like that.
There we go.
If you like that one, then vote Jo.
Text 64046.
Or if you're listening again, email adamandjo.6music at pbc.co.uk.
It's that song versus this song, Adam's song.
Yeah, this is the sincere whistling eco song, and I've taken a different tack musically.
This is more of a pop approach to the whole problem.
People look around you cause your hold is disappearing People stop your whistling cause time is running out Can you forgive me baby, what have I done?
You know I never meant to hurt you and I'm not the only one I was flying to the beach, I was driving just for fun Won't you listen to me whistle while I'm dying in the sun?
Oh, people stop your whistling and think about the clowns
The polar bears are drowning and the seas are rising up And all because we like to drink out of the plastic cup The world will be a desert, or maybe under ice I can't remember which it is, but it will not be nice There might be time if we change our ways for waste At least that's what the scientific community says Although it is confusing, cause sometimes we disagree But changing our behaviour should be good for you and me
Did you layer up that whistling?
Yeah, boy, I layer everything up.
Yeah.
Because if you've got a weak voice, I'm not saying you do, you're a good singer, but my voice isn't really, you know, I'm no Tom York, so I have to layer it up about five times before I get any tunefulness out of it.
So those are the songs to choose from listeners on this week's Song Wars.
Text Adam or Joe to 64046, or if you want to vote after the show ends, then email AdamandJoe.6Music at BBC.
Now, here's a track that I've chosen for you, friends.
This is from, I don't know, it's not really anybody's favourite Lou Reed album, I don't think, The Bells, but... I hate it.
Yeah, Joe absolutely hates... I haven't even heard it, and I hate it.
The Bells.
But I've got a soft spot for this track, which is track one on The Bells, and it almost sounds as if Lou Reed is doing a parody of himself, the way he's... I call it The Balls.
Ooh, dear, dear.
Joe Cornish absolutely slams the bells by Lou Reed there on BBC six music.
But yeah, check this out.
His accent is ludicrous in a very enjoyable way.
Hope you like this.
It's called Stupid Man.
Stupid man.
It's like a Muppet song, yeah.
It's from Muppets Take Manhattan.
I love it.
It's good.
Are times nearly up from... I'm going to reconstruct that sentence.
I'm going to give that sentence reconstructive surgery.
I like the beginning of it.
Are times nearly up for... You could have gone anyway.
Why do you lose confidence with that one?
I don't know.
I'm tired.
Are you?
I had fun last night.
Did you?
What were you doing?
I was on my own.
Oh.
On your own fun.
Listen, it's nearly time for the end of the show.
Thanks very much for listening.
We'll be back at the same time.
Next Saturday morning, 9 till 12.
I thought I said something while someone texted in.
You did.
Yeah, thanks to Taff and Lauren Bristol, who've sent in an email.
I'll read every word of it.
Are you sure that Interpoltrack isn't called?
No, no, what?
I'm confused about what it's called.
Number one in threesome.
I said it was called number one in threesome, of course it's called no I in threesome.
But you see Taff and Laura, you don't make that distinction, because it's the N-O space and then just a straight line.
Is it a one or an I?
That's where I went wrong.
You know?
But you're right, Adam did get it wrong.
They also say, by the way, I'm glad you qualified the statement, I love it when people wake up during operations with in films.
I don't like it in real life when that happens.
But that brings us on to the theme of Text the Nation next week.
We've decided it's going to be horror film ideas.
Don't you think?
Yeah, we can try.
Yeah?
Yeah, why not?
We don't have too long to set this up, but the idea is that horror films are quite played out.
Yeah, well, it's all just, I mean, the lowest common denominator is torture porn, isn't it?
Yeah.
And there's not that much imaginative stuff that goes into that because Eli Roth brought the genre to its knees.
We were looking at the poster for shrooms.
The market seems to be swamped with rubbish.
So we'd like your ideas for taking the horror genre in a new direction.
Yeah, some really imaginative, scary ideas we want from you chaps.
OK, let's lick this problem together.
We can do it.
I'm pretty sure we can.
Yeah.
But listen, until then, thank you so much for all your texts and emails and for listening to the show in general.
We really appreciate it.
And anything else to add to that, Joe?
No, thanks very much, Adam.
Liz Kershaw is coming up.
And that's it for another week.
Here's Mars with Pump Up the Poly.
We'll see you next week.
Bye.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.