The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam And Joe (17 November 2007)

There you go, that's Billy Bragg with You Woke Up My Neighbourhood.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

You're saying there you go as if people requested that or wanted it.

Yeah, they did want it.

Everyone wants some Bragg.

Everyone likes a delicious slice of Bragg first thing in the morning.

The barge.

Mmm.

Could I have another?

No, you can't.

This is Adam and Jo, welcome to our Saturday morning show here on BBC 6 Music.

We're here with you until noon and it's, it's like, I've thought of a simile or a metaphor.

The show's like a box of chocolates, is it?

Has anyone used that before?

No, that's never been used.

Only... In what way is it like a box of chocolates?

Because there's different ones.

Yeah, you never know what you're gonna get.

That's right.

Is that what you mean?

Yes!

Okay, good.

Different segments and stuff.

It's more like an orange.

It's exactly like an orange.

Like an orange.

For instance, we are going to be announcing the winner of last week's song wars.

Sorry, can I just ask you, can you just pronounce for instance a bit better, because it is like... For instance, there is a new government directive that those words have been combined.

Yeah, especially, you know, you can lose your job for that.

For instance, that's a BBC by saying for instance.

Yeah, that's a town in France.

That would be a good name for an instant frothy drink.

It would, wouldn't it?

For instance.

By... Anyway, let's play some music or say what else is coming up.

What else is coming up?

Yeah, we've got a lot of song wars business to resolve.

We've got this week's Song Wars and we've got last week's Song Wars to pay off.

We're going to be announcing the winner of last week's Song Wars very soon.

We're going to have Text the Nation, the nation's favourite segment.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about my trip to Radiohead Studios.

Exactly.

A bit later on.

I'm excited about that.

And all sorts of other rambling nonsense coming up.

But let's get into some more music right now.

Here's some Baby Shambles.

This is You Talk.

Baby Shambles with You Talk.

That was, uh, that was delightful.

And, uh, it's a lovely morning.

I'm filling here, Joe.

You're doing a good job, man.

We've got lots of other great music coming up.

This hour alone, we're gonna have Althea and Donna in a second.

Uptown top-ranked.

I love that record.

It's a classic track.

We've got some strokes, some bloke party.

Oh, you've got some main source.

Yeah, this is looking great.

But you should, uh, I know, sometimes we drop some of these songs and then people might get upset.

Yeah, well, I was just sticking the flag in the mountain for those particular bands.

Right, okay.

We can't drop them now.

Fair enough.

It's a crafty technique.

Yeah, that's very... Hey, have we got a Song Wars jingle we could play?

You're gonna be hearing this jingle a lot this morning.

Well, we're not going right into Song Wars just yet.

What?

I thought we were gonna pay off last week's Song Wars.

We're gonna do it in just a second.

Okay.

But first of all, we've got some more music for you.

This is...

Oh, this is one of my choices.

I chose this one.

This is a good track.

This is from Sparks and it's from their album, Number One Song in Heaven.

This is when they went all kind of disco and weirdly techno-ish.

Hope you enjoy it.

It's called My Other Voice.

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

They've got their symbols backwards, mate.

Nah.

How embarrassing.

Oh, dear.

Whoops.

Another boo-boo.

Listen, Ron.

I don't know how to tell you this.

You know the song we just did?

The symbols are backwards.

Russell, how could you have done that?

Is that what happens if you just put them on upside down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's real, that's how they get that noise.

Yeah, exactly.

It's Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.

Good morning.

Hope you're having a lovely Saturday morning.

Not you, you.

Yeah.

You won.

That was Spark, since then you just heard with the track called My Other Voice.

Hope you enjoyed it.

And sorry, we had to hold off on the song wars thing there.

There's just a little bit of drama, Ham.

Just a little bit of drama.

I felt my authority was compromised.

Sorry, man, didn't want to compromise your authority, but, um, you know... I'm sorry, I didn't, I don't mind.

We were gonna play clips of last week's Song Wars tracks.

Hey, let's do it now!

And of course we had to put our songs to a delayed listener test last week because the show was pre-recorded.

But now we're back live so we didn't know who had won last week.

Last week the songs were constructed around found

uh, lyrics, weren't they?

That's right.

We asked listeners to send in found text, uh, recipes, uh, instructions, that kind of thing.

Um, and, uh, I'm just, uh, receiving the envelope here with the winner inside it.

Can't wait to grab your little hands on the envelope.

And so, uh, your votes came in during the week.

They flooded in.

They did.

They had to, uh, install new plumbing.

And, uh, I had quite a long song and it was the, the, the lyrics were about, we don't have a copy of the lyrics to hand, do we?

No, why would we?

Well, it was basically the instructions to IKEA Frozen Meatballs.

That's the reason.

And we constructed our songs around those instructions word for word.

I'm a little bit disgruntled this morning because I had to play a version last week that was not quite finished because we had to rush into the studio as pre-recorded and I went to town.

I didn't go all the way to town.

I stopped just short of the town.

On the outskirts of town.

Yeah, I was on the outskirts of the town, so I played a track that wasn't, in my view, quite finished.

And I spent yesterday remixing it, getting it pristine, but there was a bit of a mix-up.

But that's queering the pitch a bit, isn't it?

It is a little bit, because your song is your song on the day that it's played.

Fair enough.

So go and wiggle it about.

Well, I guess.

But anyway, I mean, that was a statement, not a question.

You can't.

No, you can.

I'm opening the envelope.

Well, we have to hear clips from the songbirds.

Oh, we have to hear clips.

That's true.

I've got the full songs.

Okay, so these are last week's songs.

They're on the subject of meatballs.

The IKEA Meatball Recipe.

We'll start with my little shorty one.

This is my kind of... We decided it was Stadium Bowie.

Blast Spider Period Stadium Bowie.

This is the recipe for IKEA Meatballs.

Place the meatballs.

Place the meatballs in an ovenproof dish and heat at 225 degrees centigrade for about 15 minutes in a microwave at 700 watts.

Place the meatballs in a bowl without a lid and meat at full power for 45 minutes stuff after half the time I said stir the meatballs after half the time come on

And I don't like this.

He hasn't stood the test of time.

No.

This is a bit.

Get my meatballs!

Come on, meatballs!

It's nice at the end there.

Yeah, the ending's the best bit.

I'm, you know, I've very much doubt that'll win.

It starts strong.

If it wins, there's something wrong out there.

Now listen, I'm not proposing we hear the whole of mine because A, I'm not happy with the mix.

Yeah.

B, it's very long.

So let's just hear the beginning of my version of meatballs.

This is a sort of New York punk version.

That sounds, it sounds dreadful.

It sounds good, I like it.

I wouldn't want to eat this guy's meatballs.

I don't even think it's coming out of stereo, is it?

Yeah?

That's good, I like that little scream.

No.

You see all this bits?

I've remixed all this.

I just think his kitchen would be filthy.

Okay, that's enough, that's enough meatballs there.

There's a nice little bit at the end, there's a nice coda where there's a big chorus and everyone sings along, meatballs.

Is there?

What, on the new version?

No, on this one.

But listen, let's find out who's one.

So those were the songs?

This is a scandal.

I've won.

No way.

Yeah, that is scandalous, listeners.

I've won by 68%.

Is that really true?

68%!

For my awful Bowie dirge that I did in four minutes.

Look, what does this indicate?

This indicates that either... You know what, Adam?

I'm... I'm... What's the word?

I'm surrendering that victory, giving it to you.

No, I don't want... I'm like Marlon Brando at the Oscars.

You're my red Indian.

Right.

No, uh, who was it that gave- it was Cuba Gooding Jr.

that gave away his Oscar, wasn't it?

That's a more recent example.

Yeah, Marlon did do that, I do believe as well.

Uh, well... It's saying Adam's 32%, Joe's 68%.

Here's the chorus.

That's what you didn't vote for, you lunatics.

So what does that bring the score to now on Song Wars?

3-0.

You see, this is a tricky thing.

You fade it down, please.

No, that's hurting my brain.

This is the situation now in Song Wars.

This is our fourth show.

We've done three editions of Song Wars.

I, Joe, have won all three.

But don't let that prejudice this week.

Song Wars.

Here we go.

Don't let your pity for Adam.

Prejudice base the songs on their merits.

Could you be the most ungracious man in the United Kingdom?

I just think that there should be sort of a you know scientific accuracy on this thing Oh my goodness.

Listen, we'll come back to song wars a little later on but first here's some more music some proper music This is Susie in the Banshees with Christine

Susan the Banshee is with Christine, who was involved in the alien attack in War of the Worlds.

Christine?

She was disintegrated.

Yes, that's right.

She was the one when he was running past the car.

Yeah, yeah.

And you saw it reflected in the wing mirror.

It's very sad, isn't it?

It was very sad.

Before that, she was a strawberry girl.

Is that true?

What a life Christina's had.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

Now, Jo, maybe you can tell me about the Tesco ad with the Spice Girls in it.

Have you seen that one?

No, no.

Have you not?

No, but word on the street is that telly's full of these amazingly expensive lavish Christmas commercials.

Right.

They're throwing bigger and bigger Hollywood stars.

I mean, they must have.

Hello there.

That's how you pronounce it now, isn't it?

That's the official new pronunciation.

It is.

Yeah, with a slightly, sort of halfway to going... Exactly.

Now that there aren't any proper big styles or blockbusters in them.

Or good films, you pronounce it.

Hello there.

But what is that?

Because there's all those commercials.

Yeah.

out there it's like the uh 50s again in what what no the 40s i don't know but it's recessionary yeah right there's like an inch of desperation to it i mean that must have cost a lot of money unless the spice girls were taking a significant cut on their usual they work for very little money now

Well, I would imagine they work for less than they did at the height of girl power, you would think.

But still, even so, they've probably got powerful agents, they must be wangling them some decent fees, and you're multiplying a pretty good fee by five as soon as you harness the power of the girls.

And then, anyway, if you haven't seen this ad, folks, this is an ad for Big Supermarket Chain, and it's for Christmas shopping there, and it features all the girls running around doing their shopping.

I think the idea is that they're buying things for each other, for the other members of the Spice League.

It's a far-fetched scenario, but we'll go with it.

Well, exactly.

I mean, it's fraught with a lot of problems.

Is there a bit where they shove razor blades into the gifts they've bought for each other?

No.

Is that no?

They wouldn't do that.

No, they all get on very well now.

That's right.

Yeah, they're all delightful friends.

But it's weird because they keep hiding from each other, you know?

Like, as soon as the whole thing is like, when Mel B comes round the corner, Posh Spice suddenly jumps in front of a TV screen that has her face on it anyway, thereby disguising herself, because she's everywhere.

That's the idea.

Sounds amazing.

It's sort of amazing.

But it's very odd because, like, they're all just desperately hiding from each other.

You know what I mean?

And I can't figure out if they're hiding from each other because they don't want each other to see the gifts they've got, each other, or they're just ashamed that they're so cheap.

They're just really thick.

Right.

They're really stupid.

It's like toddlers.

Yeah.

They just like to hide and stuff.

Okay.

I just wanted to check.

Hey, if you know the answer to Adam's Quandary, don't forget you can text us at any point on 64046 or email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.g-g-bbc.co.uk And then you just, aww, you slipped up at the end there.

Althea and Donna time, here's uptown top ranking.

Yeah, that's good, isn't it?

That's the strokes with some date.

And this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

Hi.

That's Joe Cornish saying hi.

Now, I feel sorry for Craig David this week.

I don't know if you've been reading the mags, but Craig David's got a new album out that probably no one that listens to Six Music will be interested in.

Neither am I. But God bless him and everything.

Yeah.

I was going to say people that listen to Six Music have very Catholic tastes.

Does that mean broad?

Yeah.

Catholics don't have broad tastes.

They have very... I am a... I was baptized a Catholic, but they have quite limited strict rules.

Yeah, but... Where does that expression come from then?

I've no idea.

Okay.

Anyway, Craig David's been speaking out in the press about how Avid Marion's Bose Elector sketch affected him.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

It's quite interesting.

He sort of waited until Bose Elector sort of off the cultural radar a bit.

Yeah.

And now he's spilling his heart about how it psychologically affected him.

Really?

It kind of ruined his life.

No.

For about two years, yeah.

Everywhere he went.

Great David.

Yeah.

He looked at his own face in the mirror and started to hate him.

You laugh.

But it's interesting, isn't it?

As comedians, sometimes one does impressions or things that could be slightly cruel about people.

Or, you know, and you think, well, they're famous.

They, you know, they can take it.

Yeah.

But it's not true.

That's true, isn't it?

I was watching an episode of Larry Sanders this week, an old Larry Sanders episode about exactly this thing.

And he gets, who's the guy from Wayne's World?

Not Mike Myers, but Dana Carvey.

Dana Carvey does an impression of Larry Sanders, of Gary Shandling.

And it's really cruel.

And he's whining like this.

And he'd say, oh, my ass looks big in these pants.

And I remember that one.

And it totally destroys his confidence and he can't get beyond this impression that he's doing and he's trying to get reassurance from everyone that he's not really like that, you know.

We did a thing on a series of our ancient show where Adam did a very good impression of Zane though.

It wasn't very accurate though.

It was quite good though.

It was supposed to be... Did you ever worry that that might, that that might, you know... A little bit, yeah, because I heard from someone... He wasn't even that famous at the time.

No, I heard from someone that he didn't really like or he said, what's so funny about it?

You know, as you would if someone said, oh, there's someone doing an impression of you.

And usually you see if someone does an impression of you, it's usually to you not accurate in any way.

The public.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah.

You just sort of think, that's not me at all.

What?

I don't understand.

Yeah, but that's almost worse.

You know, Craig David doesn't talk like that.

And his face isn't that extended.

His chin isn't that big.

But listen, I would say that Lee Francis, who does both selector, would be in exactly the same campus I was with Zane Lowe as a fan.

You know what I mean?

Like as a genuine fan.

But what about the consequences of his action?

Craig David couldn't walk down the street without being mocked.

No, exactly.

That didn't happen to Zane Lowe.

No.

I know, that's harsh, you know.

I must say I felt for Craig David and I thought in future I might stray, you know, steer away from that sort of thing.

Right.

It's just a little bit cheap.

On the other hand, man, people delight in that.

It is fun.

At the same time, Craig David did embrace it at the time.

I mean, he had to.

And he says in these interviews that he would be really polite to... What's his name, Lee Francis?

Lee Francis, yeah.

Yeah, and enthusiastic and stuff.

But then at one stage he did corner Lee Francis about it.

Right.

Backstage at a gig and he said, you're ruining my life.

No.

Yeah.

There was swearing in the article I read.

Oh my lord.

Yeah.

No, because I remember Lee Francis saying that he was going on stage with Craig David at one point.

That's right.

Craig David appeared in the show.

Yeah, yeah.

But he hated it.

It ruined his life.

And now, he's having to, every interview he does for his new album, he's being asked about it.

Right.

So really, the post-elective creation has got more sort of a cultural longevity.

Yeah, you got there.

Yeah.

I'm not.

I'm tired.

I'm finished.

Let's play another music.

Craig David!

Come on.

We're just keeping it going.

Yeah, of course.

Poor Craig David.

Craig... My unit buys record just as a sort of a charity question.

Craig David.

You shaved the beard off.

It's a new Craig David.

Oh no, look, we're starting it again now.

What have we got now?

We've got some block party for you folks.

This is Flux.

Spatchcock.

That's the intense sounds of Dirty Shirty, who will be supporting the naughty men at the Nunty Rooms in Depresorall this week.

Meat Farm.

That is Adam saying no, Impression.

See, it's not- Somebody texted us in to ask for the, um, foot-foot to hear that Impression.

It's not a very accurate Impression.

And in fact, he's not like that anymore.

My impression was based on Zayn in the olden days when he was on MTV and he was just starting out and he was incredibly intense.

The thing that... I mean, I liked the show because, like, it was a proper, unironic show about his enthusiasm for music, you know.

You'd use that kind of convenient get-out clause that it was a non-marsh.

It was a homage, it really genuinely was.

But in the same, you know, in the same respect, you always latch on to the thing that is ludicrous about something you loved, you know what I mean?

Like, especially when people do things that are from the heart, it's easy to kind of have a little... It's a dangerous game doing things from the heart.

Yeah, well, exactly.

But if you're a true original, which I genuinely believe Zane Lowe is, you know what I mean?

He's someone who's blazed the trail for his passion, which is indie music.

And if you're someone like that who's like, generally coming from a sincere place, then it's quite easy to have a little chuckle at you.

But Lee Francis, you know, he based his entire career on not just a person, but a phrase in the person's song, Bo Selecta.

What was that joke you just got?

It's quite a good joke.

This is probably his old, very very old.

It's okay, Craig David seems to be picking himself back up again.

Did you hear he's training for the 2012 Olympics?

Apparently he's going to be on the Great Britain Archery Team.

He won't actually be firing any arrows though.

He's just the boat selector.

There you go.

Nice.

Nice job.

You know, Zane actually invited us to the... I caught that invite, yeah.

...fifth year anniversary party.

I don't know if I can make it but I'd really like to have gone.

To apologise.

I've seen him since then.

I saw him a few years ago.

You can't apologise enough though.

No, maybe... You know, the difference is that lots of people watch Bo Selecta, whereas nobody watched our television programme.

Well, exactly.

The thing is that Zane Lowe is far more successful than we are.

Okay, it's time for Text the Nation!

Text the Nation!

Text!

Text the Nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the Nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter!

Text!

That's right, this is the part of the show where we ask you to send us texts.

It's as simple as that.

And this week, the theme of the Text-a-Nation feature is... What superhero powers would you have?

If it was up to you.

If you could choose any kind of special superhero power, like in the program Heroes, what would your power be?

The text number is 64046.

Uh, yeah.

And remember, this is important.

It is very important, it's the nation's favourite feature.

So if you don't support the nation's favourite feature, then you're involved in Featureside, which is crying.

Now listen, we usually offer some suggestions of our own.

I found this one a bit tricky.

So did I. You suggested it.

I know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

What were you playing at?

I don't know.

I tell you why, because a lot of people are already all over it.

Right.

The film Mystery Men.

Yeah.

The film The Specials.

Uh-huh.

Heroes.

What's The Specials?

It's a kind of bad American Superhero spoof film.

It came out direct to DVD over here.

Not a biopic about the Coventry film.

No, sadly not.

That would be good, though.

Yeah.

Who else does it?

I think there's an ITV comedy coming up called No Heroics about superheroes with silly powers.

Gosh, with silly powers these are.

Well, silly-ish.

You know, it's tricky with superpowers, isn't it?

They're a tricky thing.

Yeah.

They usually come in a couple of forms.

In the world of Stan Lee,

and that kind of thing, the DC and Marvel world, they usually either replicate a power that something in the world already has, like an animal, or they're an expression of some kind of internal conflict.

They're usually fairly elemental, like they're classic superheroes, you know, they're very strong.

Elemental is a good word, yeah, that's to do with an animal or a substance.

Yeah.

A spider, iron, that kind of thing, an ant.

Yeah, and of course, the modern... Who's laughing at ant?

Why are you laughing at ant?

Who's an ant?

And man.

Joe's just written a screenplay based on that man.

So he's a little touchy about it.

I do know what I'm talking about.

He's a little touchy about the ends.

But my superhero powers I was thinking, and I guess this is the way that superheroes are going now, is very specific modern day powers, like something useful in an everyday context.

Right, like to be able to eject a CD tray.

Is that one of your... Is that modern?

No.

Ejector.

Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be quite good.

That would be quite... No one has CD trays anymore, do they?

Don't they?

No, because you're sticking your CD in the computer.

You don't want to know where I stick my CD.

Oh, stop it, Willy, please.

So I was thinking my superhero would be called Keywallow the Locator.

And he would be able to stay with me for a second to locate Keys and Tawnys.

I can't believe he went with the Key Gambit.

Keywallow.

That's good.

Keywallow.

Were you thinking of Keys as well?

It did cross my mind.

I will.

For finding the Keys.

Yeah.

Yeah?

But everyone wants that superhero power.

So far I haven't seen that superhero represented.

So you've got healing people?

Yeah.

You've got even making things float, saving lives, and you're going for key locating.

And wallets.

It's a very selfish power.

In minutes.

And wallets in minutes.

Would you do this for other people?

Would you be altruistic or would it just be for yourself?

Key wallow can only find his own keys.

And wallets.

I don't think you need a superpower for that.

I think there's something they sell at Argos for that.

No, there's a little thing that you... Argos is super powered in some ways.

Well, there's a thing that you can attach to your keys and you whistle and it beeps at you, but it's no good because it's so annoying that after a day or so you rip it off and you throw it in the bin and then the bin beeps at you thereafter.

So Keywallow, the locator, that would be one of mine.

Why is he called Keywallow?

Because it's keys and wallets.

So I was trying to represent... Sorry, it sounded Aboriginal for a second.

Yeah, well, maybe he's an Aboriginal... South African.

He might wear Aboriginal guys, you know, costume.

Yeah.

The other... I was in real trouble.

Clearly.

Universal remote Trump?

You can't believe you thought of this.

I really tried hard.

Universal Remoteron can change channels on any set, no matter where he is.

Also available in the shops.

Well, for $14.99.

Again, I've bought those things.

They're very hard.

You have to program them with the specific number of the TV set, and it's a fallacy that there's such a thing as a Universal Remote.

But Universal Remoteron would have true Universal Remote powers.

Yeah.

Oh crikey.

And here's another one.

I was running out.

At this point I was in real trouble.

I've got one.

Go on, what's yours?

I was going to be, uh, I've been unpopular superhero because I'm Mr. Reasonable.

Mr. Reasonable.

And I just have a power to make everyone behave reasonably.

That's a nice idea.

That would be an amazing power.

I'd be parachuted, because I can't fly, or choppered, into any location.

And I'd go... And waves of reasonability.

Waves of reasonability.

Everyone would just go, people were having an argument.

I'd say, stop it, I'll hate you, I'm gonna hate you.

You could be called chillaxor.

I like that chillaxor.

You know, everybody just relaxes.

They're reasonable.

They have a cup of tea and you'll cut your catchphrase.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come on guys.

Hey guys, come on.

What kind of costume would you have?

I don't know.

I need to think about that.

But that would be, I mean, that would be a genuinely incredible power, wouldn't it?

I would be very in demand by peace-loving people, but I would also expose all the people who are actually interested in causing conflict.

The warmongers would hate Chillaxor.

The double-crossing governments who stage incidents, illicitly finance revolutions and stuff like that.

would hate business business with a vested interest in local skirmishes and wars they would want exactly they want to get rid of me exactly I'd be a litmus test we must destroy to Luxor he's making everyone reasonable other superheroes would hate me because they'd want to get involved in big spectacular flight fights up the main street yeah and I just calm everything down I wouldn't be popular in the film is no no no exactly much too dull anyway text your superpower suggestions to 64046

uh please now here's uh main source are you enjoying the did you pick this one yeah this is quite an old track this is a hippity hoppity track it's one of my all-time favorites it's by a band that kind of vanished but when they around they were brilliant it's from 91 it's called looking at the front door this is main source there we go main source with looking at the front door includes a fantastic uh lyric about a burnt piece of bacon you treat me like a burnt piece of bacon

Well, how would you treat a burnt piece of bread?

You'd be delighted, wouldn't you?

No, it's very bad for you.

Is it?

All any burnt food is very bad for you.

Castanogenic.

I'm not actually sure that's true, but that's the rumor, isn't it?

Pretty much everything is castanogenic.

Is it?

Yeah, bad vibes, toast.

Bad vibes?

Yeah.

Can you get ill off of bad vibes?

Definitely.

Wow.

Definitely.

Bad vibes, the number one killer.

Really?

In Europe.

Yeah.

Wow.

And that's true...

There we go.

So nice intonation, man.

Yeah.

We're going to have a little session track for you in just a second, and this is one that I chose for you.

Have you, have we got any in the interim, have we got any emails about superheroes trickling in there?

Yep, they're coming in.

And don't forget, we primed listeners for this last week, so during the week we've had quite a few superpower-based emails come in, but do keep texting 64046 or email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk with your, the superpower of what you would like.

Coming up in the next hour here on BBC Six Music, we have an update on Song Wars.

We're going to be launching this week.

Launching.

We're going to be launching and launching this week's Song Wars, and we'll be talking to the people responsible for our suggestions.

It's a good one.

Song Wars is good this week.

Yeah, because we got people to suggest friends affairs that they would like us to write songs about.

Yeah, so they supplied us with salient facts about those friends, and Joe and I went off individually and composed songs about their friends.

You'll be hearing those in the next hour.

But right now, here is my session track this week.

This is from a really great band, and this is a brother and sister team, isn't it?

And that's always a strange thing in a band, and the Fiery Furnaces are certainly one of the more unusual bands around right now in every way.

you know not just the fact that they're brother and sister and they argue quite a lot I believe but they make a very strange racket this is one of the more conventional tracks that we're playing right now from a session from 2004 and I really fancy the singer oh my lord she used to go out with the lead singer of Franz Ferdinand not for very long and that slightly put me off not not because I don't like Franz Ferdinand but that guy's a

He's a little bit of a pawn, isn't he?

Yeah, you don't want to go where he's been.

No, exactly, but she seems there's something about her that's so sexy.

I didn't mean it like that.

Of course you did.

Just to places on holiday.

Anyway, speaking of lovely places that you'd like to go, here's a track called Tropical Island.

This is Fiery Furnaces from a BBC 6 music session from 2004.

I hope you enjoy.

i did i added a little extra whistle riff there at the end you look yeah you ruined it did i i'm sorry you came in there and you ruined peter bjorn and john you know that whistling is very addictive isn't it that song do you think that song would be the song it was without the whistling

No, I mean, it's sparse, isn't it?

But all the humans... Is it the fact that it's a kind of building site whistle?

It's the whistle.

Everything works on that song.

Absolutely, they got it exactly right in her little... But my proposition is that whistling in and of itself is a brilliant kind of nuclear pop missile.

Right.

And I'm suggesting that next week's song wars, we factor in some whistling.

Do a whistling song.

Well, no, it's not a whistling song, but there must be an element of whistle there.

Is that the only criterion?

No, we'll have another criteria, but it's a sub-criteria.

I can never remember.

It's sub-criti-t-t-crititious.

Do you say criterion?

Criterion is not the singular of criteria, is it?

I love it when we talk about stuff like this.

I just need to check.

Otherwise, I'm going around.

What's the question, Criterion?

It's Criterion.

We had this discussion before.

Criterion?

Criterion is not the singular of Criteria.

No.

No, you can have one Criterion.

Right.

Yeah, okay.

He's an Asian film director.

Is he?

One Criterion.

That's racist.

Is this?

Yeah, you're fired.

Bye!

He's out.

No, he should collect his pass, man.

This is the big British castle.

You can get destroyed for that.

He's rubbing his eyes.

Course it's not racist, you lunatic.

Hey, have you been watching?

I'm stubborn to get me out of here.

You know, I watched, I managed to miss it, but then I tuned in for two minutes and it happened to be the the two minutes.

Right, with the lady going mental.

Yeah.

Janice, what's her surname?

Dickinson.

Yeah, I had to switch it off because I thought this is a terrible thing.

I've tuned in at exactly the sticky moment.

It traumatised Anton Dech.

We're talking about a live bush tucker trial, folks.

This is the show, of course.

I don't want to talk about it.

Celebrities in the Jungle.

And this was on Thursday night, I think, and they had a live bush tucker trial with this kind of insane ex-supermodel that they've got on there called Janice.

and it was a sort of disastrous half hour of TV with basically her just screaming and having a little fit about not wanting to stick her head in this a little jar of spiders and rats and snakes that they've got the usual sort of stuff stuff that you of course admittedly would not relish the thought of doing under normal circumstances but you would think that once you've gone out to the Australian jungle and been paid your considerable fee you know you'd be prepared for that kind of thing anyway she refused to do it and

It was sort of, it started out being fun, watching it, but then got a little bit annoying and you could tell that Ant and Deck were just thinking, this is no good, what can we do?

And there was no way they could hurry along.

Luckily, Biggins was there.

She wasn't respecting the camera angles, was the worst thing.

She wasn't respecting the angles.

She wasn't standing where she should have stood, and her back was to the camera.

She was blocking big ones.

She was dropping the F-bombs all over the place.

Yeah, she said something bad about holes.

It was a disaster.

Yeah.

I ain't watching that stuff.

Right.

Well, I am.

I can't get enough.

You know, Anandek are good presenters, man, but even they were taxed to the limits by that one.

I don't watch it.

Come on, Six Music.

I tell you what, man.

I just think people listening to this station are not interested.

There's no shame in watching a bit of I'm a celebrity.

I think it's a good show.

The thing that worries me at the moment is that there's an ongoing romance situation with Kerris from Catatonia, who I'm surprised to see in there in the first place.

I know.

To be honest.

It's a shame.

She's a nice person.

And this guy, Mark, I don't even know who Mark is.

There's a lot of people on the show this time round.

I have no clue whatsoever who they are.

Oh, I went to know that best.

But is this guy, Mark?

He might be a puppeteer for all I know, a children's entertainer.

I don't care, I don't care.

But there's some flirting, there's some high-level flirting going on, and both of them are in steady relationships.

Do you not feel bad for their partners?

I don't care.

Come on, you must care.

I really, no disrespect to you, I really don't care.

Yeah, but put yourself in the mind of someone who did care.

Like, I don't care, they're not, I don't think they're, I don't think they're humans.

Of course they're humans.

I'm not sure that they are.

Yeah, but they're real.

I think when you agree to go on that show, I think you, you hand in your ticket.

Well, you don't, I mean, the thing is that someone like Caris- I'd have more sympathy for Craig David's predicament than anyone in that show.

Yeah, but, well, he's in exactly the same position.

Once you're out in the public sphere- Those people are inviting anything.

No, of course not.

Well, you could say that Craig David by wanting to have a pop career invited.

No, I think there's a distinction.

I do actually.

No, you're insane.

No, anyway, I feel bad for them because it's like Chantel and Preston all over again.

You know what I mean?

I feel bad for the real people in these situations who get caught in the sexy crossfire.

That's what I'm saying.

Hey, I hope they can stay faithful.

Yeah, no, good luck to them.

I don't wish any ill on them.

Apparently criteria is the plural, and criterion is the singular.

Like media and medium.

Come on, boys, you're educated people.

You should know these things, says Faith.

But then you can say the media as a sort of collective noun.

I tell you what, during the next record, I'll pop over to Radio 4 and ask someone in there.

They'll know.

That would be nice.

Would you like some Kaiser Chiefs?

Yes, please.

Well, here's some for you.

Lovely.

What if I don't want to?

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

There you go, all the rules of text the nation handily explained within the body of the jingle.

And before that you heard the Kaiser Chiefs with one of their thongs.

It was called Love's Not a Competition.

But I'm winning in brackets.

Now, we are asking you to text us this week, or email us, of course, about superhero powers, superpowers that you wish you had.

Have we got any there, Joe?

We have.

Here's my favourite one so far.

This is from Simon in Seven Oaks.

His name is Simon Truett.

T-R-U-E-double-T.

He says, hello chaps.

My superpower would be to cause mediocre indie bands to split up.

My secret name would be Splitter.

I'd start with the stereophonics.

Splitter?

No, kids don't say R anymore.

They say A. Splitter?

Splitter.

Oh, that's good.

Kids won't understand it if you say Splitter.

And he's starting with the phonics.

He's starting with the phonics.

Yeah, he is starting with the phonics.

That's not a bad place to start.

No, I'd be interested, Simon, in knowing what other mediocre indie band splitter would split up.

It'd be good, wouldn't it?

Because he'd just, he'd be quite a mysterious superhero.

He would just shuffle backstage anonymously in a sort of long trench coat and fedora.

Yeah.

And you'd see him lurking in a corner while the band were having their post-show party.

And his sort of insidious influence would cause the drummer to say something inflammatory.

Right.

To the bassist.

The lead singer would then step in to defend the bassist's schism.

Exactly.

Well, Splitter would go up, maybe, once he's insinuated himself into the entourage, he would go up to the drummer and say, you know, Gary, you're really talented.

You should do a solo album.

That kind of thing.

And so he starts with the drummer, the drummer starts getting ideas above his station, goes off to do his solo album, not a big problem, you know, they just get rid of Stuart Cable and get the new sexy guy in, in the case of the Phonics.

But then, what's his next move?

What split has next move?

He goes up to the lead singer and he starts saying, these guys are not supporting your vision, you know?

Yeah.

They're weighing you down.

You should branch out.

Yeah.

Because the band is becoming safe and you've got amazing new ideas and everyone likes you more than they like the whole band.

Splitter might have been in the room with us at some point.

Do you think?

Around about when?

I don't know, maybe like... Around about 2001.

Yeah.

And maybe... Get rid of the tall guy.

You're the sexy one.

That's what he said to you, yeah.

You wouldn't believe what he said to me.

What are you saying to you?

Oh, I can't say it, because it turned out to be true.

Get rid of that, so.

But that could be like a myth.

People could go, Tommy, Tommy, I saw a bloke backstage.

I'm sure it was splitter.

Be careful, man.

I'm sure it was.

Don't be stupid.

Splitter doesn't exist.

Come on, Charlene.

Let's go and snort some powder.

That's what happens backstage.

In buns.

Yeah, in buns.

In buns.

I think that's a good idea.

Well done, Mr. Man, who sent that in.

Simon from Amstel.

Okay, here are some more that have come in via emails.

I'm going to do a bit of flicking through them.

You see, people have gone for quite tawdry stuff along the lines of your tawdry key finding.

That's not tawdry!

Heather says, uh, hello Adam and Jo.

Also inspired by heroes, we've had discussions in my office about which superpower we'd like to have, although we decided to go for minor superpowers.

Have your bag always come off the luggage conveyor belt first of the year?

That's a good one!

That's a good superpower.

I have that power.

Do you?

It's called first class.

Having the bus you want arrive at the bus stop just after you arrive.

Yeah.

I can sympathize with that one.

That's a very good one.

Not being able to wait.

Are these all from the same person?

Yeah, these are all from... Oh, these are from Heather, Catcher, Nicola and Sarah in B-E-L-B-O-3.

I think they're in the film T-H-X-1-1-3-8.

Right, and they... They're in a cell.

Cell B-E-L-B-O-3.

Their heads are shaved, they're just wearing their white gowns.

They've got barcodes on the napes of their neck.

There's a good suggestion.

Yep.

Another one is always being able to see at a gig.

Mmm, I'd love that.

That's kind of the power that ET has, an extendable neck.

Yes.

I sort of have one, actually.

My disability of not being able to see at gigs has meant that I've gotten so many rucks.

I was thinking the other day about when I went to see David Byrne at Shepherd's Bush Empire, which is one of my least favourite venues, because I can never see.

And I was standing on the steps just by the bar to get a little, uh, suddenly I thought, oh, I can see David Byrne, I love you!

And then the security guards were like, off the steps!

I immediately got in an argument with the guy.

Because it was so rad, there was nowhere else for me to stand.

Man, security people at venues are... That's a subject in itself.

Ended up being ejected.

Listen, we'll come back to Text the Nation in a moment.

Stay tuned though, because coming up any second, we're going to launch this week's Song Wars, which is special.

It's got all sorts of layers and levels.

Am I going to have people on the phone?

And it's exciting stuff.

But right now, here's a track from one of my favorite albums of the year.

It's that time, folks, when people start doing their roundups of best albums of the year.

And we've been spotted for choice.

There's been some great albums this year.

But one of my very much favorites, if that's a sentence, is from the Texan band Spoon, who I'm a massive fan of.

This is from their album, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, and it's called Black Like Me.

Hope you enjoy it.

I love that can't get enough of that album that spoon with black like me from the album Gaga Gaga mom Yes, have a jingle.

Yeah, would you like a jingle?

Let me reach into my jingle bag.

I'll see what I've got for you It's time for song wars

Yes, it's Song Wars time.

This is the part of the show when we pick a theme and then each week Adam and I write a song on that theme and then we battle our song through the medium of listener votes.

And this time we ask people, or rather last time, we ask people to send us facts about friends of theirs that they would like us to write a song about.

Yeah.

And we got some really good little sketches.

We did it was terribly hard to choose It really was and I felt bad about and they were really heartfelt as well.

Lots of really nice little Tributes to friends and so apologies to anybody who's who we didn't pick obviously we could only pick one each Yeah, exactly.

Thank you for everybody who sent in stuff info and I felt a little guilty.

Shall I go first or do you want to go?

Okay, I felt a little guilty in a way that I focused on one of the more unsavory character sketches that we received and

It was from a chap called Mark, and he wanted me to write a song about his friend from university called James Rowan, or Rohan, and I think we have Mark on the line now.

Hello, Mark.

Hello, good morning.

How you doing?

Yeah, I'm alright.

Little bit of the worst for wear, I hear.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, it is early.

It's the binge-drinking culture.

I don't know if you've been watching the news, Mark, but you're in trouble.

Mark's too old for that.

It's only the under fives.

The under fives have got to worry.

It was a bit of a release, actually.

I met up with a friend to discuss some good stories about Harry.

Now, this is your mate, James Rowan.

Is his name pronounced Rowan or Rohan?

I don't know.

Everyone calls it Harry.

I don't know.

He doesn't know his friend's surname.

How close can you get?

He's nicknamed Harry.

Now, Mark, you... Just hair.

Sometimes just hair.

And why is he called Harry?

On the surface he doesn't look that Harry, but he has very, very hairy armpits.

Do you say, when you're in his company, do you say, hear Harry?

Have you not seen the film?

Have you seen the film with Noel and I?

occasionally.

Yeah, I love it now.

Anyway, move on.

That's a little moment from, that's one of the best moments from the film.

Here, here, here.

Anyway, so Harry, he's got the long armpit hair going on.

From the description you sent to me, much of which I can't quote on the radio, because it's so filthy, he sounds like a kind of a beast person.

Is that accurate?

Definitely.

Originally, actually, when I first knew him, it was just his armpits that were really hairy, but... And now he's hairy all over.

Yeah, he's actually got hairy all over.

That happens with... that tends to happen with the onset of puberty.

That's right, the hair spouts.

I mean, originally a lot of people I knew were hairless, apart from their head.

And then you get to middle aged, and suddenly the hair just goes mental all over the area.

Now, how old is hairy now, Mark?

and twenty five i guess twenty five and has he has he cleaned up his ways because the description you sent to me was of a man who drinks excessively treats women pretty badly as far as i can tell and is almost gets in fights at karaoke evenings and stuff like this is he still like that

uh... i think you calm down a little bit now but he you know it's still there traces of still there you know you'll you'll see it has he got a job he drinks too much

Yeah, yeah, he's got a job.

What does he do?

He's a graphic designer.

Let's see, can we hear the song, then this will all mean more to us.

Okay, and one other fact, of course, is that the possible reason for Harry becoming Harry was that when he was younger, he was a swimming champ, and he had to have what's known as a shave down.

Shave it off and it makes it grow faster.

That's right.

So that's, I've tried to incorporate all that into this song, and I've gone for a reggae vibe for your song, Mark.

Brilliant, I can't wait.

I'm glad, I hope you got shave down in there.

I didn't get the phrase shave down, but there is a reference to the whole shaving process.

Here we go.

Hope you enjoy it.

About hairy.

There's a man whose name is James Rohan.

He's a beast!

On the surface he is not her suit, but his armpit hair is scary.

And for that reason he is known as Harry.

He is preoccupied with lady parts and solo fun.

Before the internet he lived up on the top shelf.

He bought a Lindsay Dormack and DVD.

One time!

But returned because it wasn't really dirty.

He likes football and drinking.

He's not a fan of thinking.

He nearly gets in fights with floats at karaoke nights.

He sounds like quite a nightmare but perhaps that isn't quite fair.

Maybe there's a softer side to Harry that he's trying to hide.

For example, Jimmy Rohan used to be a swimming champ, which is when they had to shave all his hair off.

When it grew back, it was longer and coarser, which may have left him with some feelings of resentment.

On the plus side, Jimmy Rohan really likes Star Trek, which indicates that he is not beyond redemption.

James Rohan, me and a tall man learn from the lessons of the Trek.

And apparently his mum is really fit.

So there you go, Mark, is that an accurate representation of James?

It's spot on, absolutely spot on.

I think that's, yeah, I'm not going to listen to anything else.

Alright, never.

For a while.

Now, we're going to check out Joe's one right now.

Yeah, now if you want to vote for that one, you've just heard 64046 text Adam to 64046.

Alternatively, here's my one.

I responded to an email sent by Joel Hughes, who's on the line.

Hello, Joel.

Morning.

How you doing, man?

I'm doing great.

How old are you?

I'm 27.

27?

What do you do for a living?

I'm a web developer.

Ooh, and where do you live?

I live in Bristol.

There you go.

So you sent me a great email all about your friend whose name is Jack Mellor.

Yes, that's the one.

Yeah, this is an old friend, is it?

Oh yeah, ten years.

Ten years, that's good, man.

So you guys go way back and here are the salient facts you sent me.

In fact, most of them are included in the song, so I'm not going to kind of double up on them.

I grew up on a farm, but he was middle class.

Yeah, most of them are in the song, I think.

There was one fact you put in here that is a little bit dark that I kind of skirted around, so let's not talk a chat about that.

No, I know.

Okay, are you ready then, Joel?

Yeah, I'm ready.

You got your lug holes pinned back?

I certainly have.

Well done.

Here it is.

This song is simply called a song for Jack Miller.

That Jack Miller is a man who, don't you know, had a friend who listens to Adam and Joe.

Song was one week, had a thing where you send an email with facts about your closest friend, a friend you've been friends with for oh so long that

you want Adam and Joe to write a song so Jack's friend Joel sent in some facts and now I've written a song about Joel's friend Jack.

Jack was raised on a

He did not, oh no.

If you saw Jack, I'm sure that you'd say that his looks were closer to Darren's eye.

Jack, Jack, Mela, he's an interesting fella.

Jack thought he was hard, but hard Jack was not.

He got a tattoo, but the tattoo that he got was a man with a wheelbarrow full of carrots on his bum just for fun.

It hurt quite a lot.

Jack once dipped a somersault over a chair with a mouthful of peanuts just for a day.

You can imagine a shock when his pipes got blocked, but he survived to be mocked because his dad was a doctor.

Jack, Jack, Mela, he's an interesting fella.

There we go, that song for Jack Miller.

What do you think of that, Joel?

That's incredible.

Incredible?

Oh, that's high praise indeed.

Did I cover most of his tropes?

You took a picture of his life and made a song out of it.

Wow.

So there you go.

It's a tough one this week.

If you want to vote for that one, 64046.

Vote Joe to 64046.

We'll be announcing the winner towards the end of the show.

And in a way, it's kind of Mark versus Joel.

Are you both there?

Are they both there?

Gentlemen, speak at the same time.

It's exciting.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, nearly.

I'm gonna win.

Thank you very much.

Look at that fighting spirit there.

Who was that?

That was Joel.

Get those folks coming on.

Fight back, Mark.

He's too hungover.

He's hopeless.

He's weakened by booze.

I don't need to say anything, although obviously I do know.

Hey, come on, there's no such thing as a foregone conclusion in this competition.

The strangest things happen.

So get those votes in 64046.

Adam or Joe, what now?

It's time now for the news.

ABC News at 10.30, I'm Catherine Craigland.

New efforts are getting underway at a climate change conference in Spain to do something about global warming.

A landmark report's been released by top experts on the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, I can get a word in, saying some of the effects are irreversible.

Hans Feralm is from the WWF Conservation Group.

That's a brand new band you may not have heard of.

What do they call them?

They're a Darkwave band.

They're called Depeche Mode.

Depeche Mode.

They're actually tied in with ugly Betty.

Are they?

Why?

I'm just trying to be up to date.

She works for a magazine called some mode, doesn't she?

Oh, yeah, right.

It's tenuous.

Alamodus.

I'm just trying to stay hip.

Yeah, do you still watch Ugly Betty?

No, it's not a case of still.

I've sort of inspected it from a distance.

You know, and listeners, I don't know whether you agree with me.

I've got this obsession that all comedy has the same music on it these days.

Especially American comedy.

And it's the same Danny Elfman piece of music from 1990.

Right.

And it goes...

Like that.

All comedy has that same bit of music on it.

Ugly betty.

It's wall to wall that music.

If I've done it enough.

Yeah, things like Desperate Housewives.

Yeah, all of them.

Even the films.

Even the comedy films.

Like the sort of Nutty Waltz.

The Nutty Waltz.

Sophisticated but kooky.

I'd like to see a film called Nutty Waltz.

Nutty Waltz.

Yeah.

It's the sort of Robert Altman thing.

That wasn't my favourite Depeche Mode song, I have to be honest.

Really?

I quite like that one.

I liked it when they were with Vince Clark.

Was that post Vince Clark?

I think that was, wasn't it?

I liked that time in the 80s when music was about business.

Right.

Do you know what I mean?

Heaven 17 and stuff, and there was nothing more sexy and glamorous than being in a pinstripe suit near a very tall building handing over a wad of paper.

They were being ironical though, Heaven 17.

I didn't understand that.

When I was small, I thought, wow, working in the city is cool.

It's true, I thought all those images on the front of Penthouse and Pavement.

Imagine talking on the telephone!

That's right, because Blur, many years later, around the time of The Great Escape, did a photoshoot where they were all... Well, in fact, the cover of... Is it the back cover of The Great Escape?

It's got them all crowded round a PC, and they're all in business mode.

It's exciting.

And they do look cool!

Yeah.

Hey listen, this is Adam and Joe, this is BBC Six Music.

We're just coming up to kind of the last third of the second hour.

I like to segment the show and keep everybody up to date with which precise area of the pie chart we're in.

Towards the end of the second act, that's traditionally the most exciting part, isn't it?

Yeah, the climax of the second act, you're painted into a corner, there's no way out, you think the situation's irresolvable.

But then Han Solo turns up for punches.

That's generally a bit of a leopard.

Yeah.

Don't forget to vote for your favourite in Song Wars.

They're 64046.

The votes are being tauted up.

It's a choice between my reggae song, About Harry, which was suggested by his friend Mark.

James Rohan was the name of the song.

James Rohan, the Anatol man.

and Joe's song was, it was called Song for Jackmella.

It was a sort of a rapidy, rapidy number.

We're going to be reminding you of those songs with some little clips, maybe at the top of the hour kind of an area.

Tiny little clips.

Ooh.

What?

I was just thinking about little clips.

Let's have some more music.

Oh yeah, this is a smash.

Is this doing well?

This single?

This is a new single?

Hey, and then you know what?

I think we all want to hear about your Radiohead adventures.

Yes, I'll talk to you about Radiohead in a bit.

Do a little bit of cautious name-dropping.

Foo Fighters, this is their new single, Long Road to Ruin.

Ah, you can't really beat this, come on.

That was the Foolish Fighters with their new song.

What's that called, Adam?

Long Road to Ruin.

Now, for Melissa Band, that would seem sort of formulaic and workman-like, do you know what I mean?

But for some reason, the power of Dave Grohl just turns that very straight-ahead rock song into...

A pure slice of genius.

He knows exactly how many times to repeat the good bits in a song, you know what I mean?

That's a real talent.

That's released on the 3rd of December.

It's from their sixth album, Echo, Silence, Patience and Grace.

And they finish their UK tour tomorrow at the O2 Arena.

O2.

That's a shame, isn't it?

It is.

Have you been to the O2 Arena?

Formerly, of course, the Millennium Doom.

Yeah, I have.

Wow.

I went to see the premiere of the Simpsons film there.

Did you?

we pre-recorded our show because on Friday night and Saturday morning I was in Oxfordshire in the English countryside with the popular beat combo Radiohead.

I was helping them with their webcast that they did live last Friday night from 9 till midnight and man it was a good time.

Me and my friend Garth went there and we were basically helping them put together little pre-recorded video segments that they could play into the live portion of the show.

Do you know what I'm saying?

and so we went to their studio where they record all their stuff.

They built this studio just after they finished OK Computer back in the early noughties and they sort of co-own this place and it's really amazing, you know, sort of residential.

Did they built it from scratch kind of thing?

No, I think they converted a barn.

I'd have liked to have seen that guy from Grand Designs cover that building project.

You know, I'd like to see Kevin MacLeod and Tom York.

Yes.

Tom's plans for this barn are hugely ambitious, but does he realise the scale of the task he's taken on?

Is he gonna stick his head?

I don't know, you know, he'd do some terrible metaphor.

I wasn't actually gonna do one.

No!

You know that wouldn't be good, wouldn't it?

Anyway, keep talking.

It looks like that kind of place though, do you know what I mean?

It's really beautiful and futuristic inside.

Kind of, but yet a little bit rustic.

It's exactly the sort of thing you would hope it would be like.

You want to be careful with rust in a studio.

A bit of rustic.

Rusticity.

Anyway, keep going.

But it was good.

Basically, I won't go on too much about what I actually did there, because it was fairly boring.

I was just basically working pretty hard.

Tell us secret things like...

What were there any little details like what's in radio hits fridge?

Well, it's a well-stocked fridge They've got like a lady called cat who works there and she basically makes all their meals for them.

Really?

It's brilliant.

So they're working away ladies called cats

Yeah, yeah, she was dead nice and She I think used to be a chef for John Bon Jovi or someone like that.

She was a dancer for Prince She was really cool and you know You'd be working away and suddenly she'd say lunch time and everyone comes and sits down at a big table Wow And you get lunch like a delicious piping hot like a sort of pop mom Yeah, and she does a little bit of organic food here a bit of veggie food there because everyone has different dietary needs.

Oh, man

Man, it was brilliant.

And you eat the best food you've had for weeks and weeks, and then you get back to work.

And they're pretty self-disciplined, I'd imagine.

Yeah, very much so, yeah.

Take it seriously?

Take it very seriously, but it's a good atmosphere, you know what I mean?

Like, everyone, after years of being a band like that, being a successful band, everyone seems to know exactly what their function is.

Really?

So there's no room for disagreement?

And, I mean, they weren't... What kind of thing were they... So they were just putting his podcasts together?

Yeah, so they were playing some tracks live.

They pre-recorded a few tracks that they were playing live in their little studio.

Then they played some tracks live as the actual podcast went out.

Then they did a few things.

Me and Garth had some ideas for little videos.

Now Garth is Garth Jennings, who directed Hitchhiker's Guide and the forthcoming Son of Rambo.

Also, there was Nigel Godrich, right, who's their producer.

Yeah, Nigel.

I mean, he's the guy that's basically got all the answers, technically.

He's amazing.

And he was sort of masterminding the technical side of the whole thing.

I saw a little bit of him DJing kind of what sounded like sort of 80s electro R&B records.

Of Tom York.

Yeah.

Was it Tom or was it Nigel?

It was Tom, it was DJing, yeah.

Tom's got a... Yeah, he's a good DJ.

And it's a good idea to have a band DJ, you know, because it's a real insight into what they're like.

That's true, to have the singer or to have, yeah, one of the members of the band on the turntables.

Every member of the band had a go on the turntables.

It's true, because it sometimes goes the other way, doesn't it?

A DJ will become a musician.

But yeah, you don't get many musicians actually DJing.

And it's a good insight into their personality, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

You can really get the choices they make say a lot about who they are, you know.

And Tom's choices were very eclectic and very challenging.

Because he's eclectic.

Exactly.

And challenging.

Exactly, Joe.

Yes.

It was good.

If you want to know more about it, you can go onto my website adam-buckston.co.uk, where you'll find a fairly full account of my time there.

Also, you'll see the video that me and Garth put together for the track that they're just about to release, the first single from the album, In Rainbows, which is called Jigsaw Falling Into Place.

We did this little video using these helmet cams that I made, basically like a little security camera stuck on the end of a pole attached to a bicycle helmet.

and we stuck them onto the band and they performed their track Jigsaw falling into place and we did it just for the webcast but it's now being used as the official video for the track I believe and it's also on the Six Music website there's a link to the Adam and Jo page there you can see it

And so yeah, check it out if you want to.

Check it out at Adam-Buckston.co.uk.

That's my blog.

And here is the song right now for you to enjoy.

This is Radiohead with Jigsaw falling into place.

Radiohead with Jigsaw falling into place.

We were just talking about the fact that I had the pleasure of working on the video for that track, which is, you know, it was just going to be for the webcast.

Now it's the official video.

I've made a Radiohead video, me and Garth, and making that was fun.

Editing it together was amazing.

Watching Phil Selway, the drummer, he puts an amazing amount of, I mean, they give a really good performance of that song.

All of them are amazing, but particularly Phil Selway drumming away there.

It's amazing.

Check it out.

I've got to stop saying amazing, but he's a powerhouse.

He's a baldy powerhouse, I'm telling you.

A what?

A baldy powerhouse, man.

Okay.

And yeah, Tom does his wobbly head dance on there, and it's all going off.

It's all going off.

Now, I happened to know, because you told me the other day, that another hero of yours walked in.

to the area while

Talking Heads track.

Oh, I like that album.

And he's quite a stately figure now, David Byrne, isn't he?

He's a sort of sophisticated New York intellectual type fella.

He's got white hair.

Exactly.

Has he still got dark eyebrows?

Because that sometimes happens with an older gentleman.

The hair on the top of the head goes white, but the eyebrows stay in an authoritative dark.

You know, I didn't notice I got the impression that it was all white.

Was he wearing a some sort of a suit?

He was very smartly dressed.

I think he took off his suit jacket.

He was casual I want to be like that in the future but he man he looked trim and dapper and I was very attracted to him I must have been pretty exciting for you because you're a big talking heads man massive talking heads man.

Did you feel all funny?

I did, I really did, I was trying to be cool as well, you know?

It's tricky, isn't it, in a situation like that?

Look, the thing is, I knew I had no purchase on the situation, do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you had no swear, no currency, no leverage.

None because it was all about the band.

You know, David wasn't there to see me, obviously, he was there to see Radiohead.

She should have been there to see you.

And he didn't want to know me and my business.

The best I got was a limp handshake.

I was a little disappointed that he didn't introduce himself when I stretched out my hand and said, hi, nice to meet you, David.

I'm Adam.

Or I didn't say David.

I said, hi, I'm Adam.

He just said, hi.

He didn't say, hello, I'm David.

Do you know what I mean?

I mean, obviously, everybody knew that he was David.

But do you know what I'm saying?

I do know what I go very weird in situations like that.

I always get an urge if I'm in a famous person's home or place of work.

I always get an urge to nick something.

I know what you're saying.

Just because I feel like I've stepped through a mirror.

For instance, I was in Quentin Tarantino's house for one reason or another during the summer and I was alone in his kitchen and I had my digital camera and I got obsessed with his fridge because it had brilliant weird fridge magnets all over it.

So I got my camera

I'll take a picture of his fridge.

It's not stealing, but in a way it's stealing.

It is stealing.

It's stealing the soul of the fridge.

Listen, in a way it's worse than stealing.

Is it?

It's a betrayal of its trust.

So I started just taking photos like some kind of a burglar.

Demented paparazzo.

And then my friend Edgar, who I was working with, caught me.

He walked in and caught me.

He went, don't take pictures of the fridge.

I went, sorry.

And I delete it.

I went outside.

No, you deleted them.

And I deleted all the pictures.

Because I thought, come on Cornish, you're not an intruder in Quentin's house.

You're a guest.

Relax.

You are an intruder.

You'll be back.

And you know what?

I was.

And then I'm on show, maybe six minutes.

And now you've got loads of pictures of his fridge.

Yeah, I've actually got some friends of mine are in his house and he doesn't know it.

You made damn sure you weren't busted by Edgar Wright.

I'm sending my gypsy friends over there.

My circus pals.

Now, this is a music choice that is yours, I believe, Joe.

This is from another of our mutual heroes, but not someone that I particularly relish meeting, I have to say.

Right, this is a grumpy master of soul pruning.

And you know what?

We promised we're going to do no more name dropping.

That's it.

That's our name dropping allocation.

That was an exhaustive bit of name dropping.

Yeah, that was bad.

So no more of that.

But here, to clear the air, here is Van Morrison with everyone.

That's athletes with Tokyo.

Are athletes playing in the lobby somewhere or the hub or on Monday they're playing?

What's at a time?

1130?

Could be around 1130.

We should get bands to just play in the lav.

I think it would be nice.

And that'd be better, we should have some bands in.

It's a big disabled lav.

You wouldn't mike them up or anything, you'd just know they were there.

Yeah, the big disabled lav by the studio that is often involved.

Yeah, that's a bit spacious, isn't it?

They could play in there.

Stick them in the ladies, I say.

Yeah, exactly.

That would be fun.

Anyway, that's Athlete to look forward to.

Now, let's return, ladies and gentlemen, to one of our two beautiful, well-rounded features.

Song Wars.

So the idea here listeners is we've both composed a song based on information sent to us by listeners about one of those listeners closest friends The two men involved what my one's called Jack Miller.

Who's your called mark James Rohan James the subject of

the song suggested by his friend Mark.

Yeah, mine is about a guy called Jack Miller sent to me by Joel and we're going to play you the two clips just to remind you of the songs if you've just tuned in and text 64046 or email adamandjo.6musicapbbc.co.uk because we're going to do something a bit new

And we're not going to announce the winner this week, we're going to announce the winner at the beginning of next week's show.

That way, the people who listen to this show via the Listen Again function can participate in the vote.

That way, that way, that way, all Joe's fans who actually know how to use texting will be able to vote for him.

You're saying that you think your fans...

I think my fans are probably older and have very high-powered jobs, which means that they're too busy to text in.

Which is why I've lost three times in a row!

Yeah, but this would then give you the advantage, because now they've got more time in their busy schedules to text in, because you've got all the way until close of business on Friday.

Didn't do me any favours last week.

But still, that's the theory.

Now, let's have a clip.

Shall we play Joe's clip first?

This is about James Miller.

James Miller?

Yeah, no, Jack Miller.

This is called Song for Jack Miller.

Jack was raised on a

because he thought he looked like Antonia.

Banderesse in Desperado, but did he?

He did not, oh no.

You can't, that was a badly chosen clip.

He sounds like hogwash, what did it say?

Son's hogwash.

It's French.

Son's hogwash.

My fans like that.

Oh, it's only hogwash too.

Is there anything I can think of that would rhyme?

It's very nice.

And now here's a little clip from my song about James Rohan, aka Harry.

There's a man whose name is James Rohan, he's a beast!

On the surface he is not her shoot, but his armpit hair is scary, and for that reason he is known as Harry.

You know it's tough coming up with these songs week in week out because you end up falling back, I mean you're a little luckier I have to say Joe because you can actually sing a little bit.

Whereas that's not necessarily an advantage Yeah, you've gone you've gone for rapping a couple of times now.

I have singing it is slightly embarrassing.

It is embarrassing That's why I always use that's automatically sincere for that's why you need bands are frightened.

That's true That's why they pick up megaphones and exactly what effects on their voices

I fall back on that on the shaggy voice whenever I'm in trouble and but I really tried one time last week in fact one time one time To sing in a sincere way, but it was too toe curling even as a joke I mean the part of the joke is supposed to be that it was we should do a sincere week then yeah, we really should joke free week Are we get why don't we do that next week?

Well, we have to think of a subject.

So let's we had your clip didn't we you said lilettes and

Did I?

I'm actually being sponsored by a major panty pad company.

Shush!

Panty pads!

Listen, so text your vote, either Adam or Jo, to 64046, or email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.

Today, tomorrow, any time up to close the business on Friday, and we'll announce the winner at the beginning of the show next week.

Now, who chose this track by The Stranglers?

Neither of us.

This was just chosen out of thin air by someone who works here at 6 Music.

Are you sure?

What is it?

Well, always the sun.

You know, it's not a bad track, but it's very late-period stranglers, and it's quite a cheesy one.

I wanted to hear European female, by the way.

And it's got the line in it, who gets the job of pushing the knob?

That's the kind of job that I'd pay money to avoid, or something like that.

But anyway, it's kind of a nice song.

I look forward to hearing that lyric.

Yeah, who gets the job of pushing the knob?

You decide.

Here's the stranglers.

Yeah.

is my favorite newspaper i like the lady on page three what has no top on what are you talking about the sun yeah oh i see this is the best bit of the track that we're talking over here man it's not the best or angless track we've decided to uh mount an intervention we're having a little intervention we do apologize to any big fans of this song

You know, but at least it was a little reminder of it there.

That sort of responsibility you draw straws for if you're mad enough.

He just really squeezed those lyrics in there.

He wasn't bothered.

Drawing straws isn't a particularly mad activity.

It requires a certain amount of preparation.

Well, it is mad troll if you're drawing straws for the job of pushing the knob.

What does pushing the knob do?

A nuclear knob!

When was that song recorded?

It was not at the height of the Cold War.

A nuclear paranoia.

But it was still, you know, it's always an ongoing issue, isn't it?

Yeah, that's true.

The destruction of the planet.

Nuclear proliferation.

Exactly.

Hey, we're in the middle of Tex the Nation, of course.

Yes, yes, yes.

So we should catch up with some of those.

We've been asking you what superpower you would have, if you could have any superpower.

Nice little daytime voice there.

Thanks a lot.

Yeah, I hit a higher note just to lift the mood.

It's like we've moved on from a section about child abuse to something about Cori.

Now, what kind of superpower would you have?

I do think you and I could take over from Phil and Fern.

You reckon?

Someone's good, because they're getting big now.

I think we'd be quite good.

Yeah.

Well, Fern, of course, is getting small.

She's losing a great deal.

She's losing, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

But, you know, they're

They're appearing in Nintendo DS adverts now.

Are they?

Yeah.

That Nicole Kidman, she loves the Nintendo DS.

That's why that film The Invasion was such a mess.

She needs all the help she can get.

She couldn't stop playing Warioware.

Right.

Cookie Cookie Mama.

She is in... I don't want to go too far off message because we're going to hear about superpowers in a second, but she is in the Golden Compass, isn't she?

She is.

Is that a CG film, Golden Compass?

I mean, it's got CG in it.

A mixture of CGI and live-action.

Yeah, that's a very old world distinction you're making there, Adam.

You clearly haven't seen Beowulf.

Well, I was thinking about Beowulf.

I will kill your monster!

I'm here to kill your monster!

I saw it, man.

Yeah, you liked it.

Brilliant.

You've got to see it in 3D at the IMAX.

If you see it in 2D, you're a nutball.

You're missing out on the 3D.

3D at the IMAX, and you've got to remove yourself from your nipples a bit.

A little bit.

Before you go.

Have a little, Shandy.

And then it's it's enormously satisfying like a giant three-dimensional space What if you're teetotal though and you're not up for any removals?

It's pretty much the most fun you can have whilst being teetotal.

It'll make you feel like you're not teetotal.

Do you get what I'm saying?

I think I do.

Yeah.

Yeah, put those specs on and have you seen a golden compass?

No, that's not out yet.

Not for a couple of weeks.

Is it not?

The ads are everywhere.

Yeah.

But I thought you with your special powers, you might have had a little sneaky peeky.

I wonder if it's gonna break Kidman's unbroken run of stink power.

Oh, poor old Kidman.

I mean, she's great.

Listen, let's come back to Kidman.

Let's just go and kind of wrap up the text the nation.

Yes.

We've been asking you what superpower you would have.

Hi, Adam and Jo.

This is from Mel.

I would have the power to split myself in two like Plankton.

Plankton girl.

One half saves the world.

One half sits in and watches

I'm a Gamu.

Oh, that's the, um, that's the acronym for I'm a celebrity.

Get me out of here.

Imac Gamu.

That's not a good one.

That's a hair remover called Imac, isn't that?

It's not like, Ignify for Have I Got News For You.

That's true.

Quite so well.

What do you think of that one?

I like it.

Plankton Girl.

I like that idea.

But it's sort of... Would the top half go off and do that?

Or you would split into two separate fully formed entities?

Who knows?

Let's move on.

Okay.

Here's another one from Tim in Plymouth.

He says, My super power would be to be... He's written Bs and 2s.

He hasn't even written the full words.

My super power...

My superpower would be to be able to skip the annoying legal warnings that play when you put in a DVD.

Good superpower.

That's a really good one, Tim.

They're as annoying as Robert Mugabe's moustache.

Skip-a-tron.

You could be called.

Skip-a-tron.

They are annoying.

They are...

Torture!

I tell you what I've always wanted to play as a piece of music is the... You wouldn't steal a car, that bit of music.

Yeah.

They should release it as a single.

Man, did you see the it-crowd with the spoof of that?

I did, yeah.

Brilliant.

I just like the logic of the... Like, who would choose that bit of music?

Oh, this is a bit of music that criminals will pay attention to.

It's edgy and katari.

They are torture.

You know who's the worst for those?

It's Disney.

On their DVDs, they put so many trailers that you cannot skip through.

The best you can do is fast-forward them, but you have to go through every single effing one.

Terrible business.

And it's insulting, isn't it?

Like, you've given these people your money, you want to watch one of their films, and they subject you to a sort of ten-minute lecture,

About even when you go to the cinema, they do it.

You know, our staff have infrared goggles, they will be patrolling the aisles.

You feel like a criminal?

Just for going and having some entertainment.

Sort yourselves out, studios.

Yeah, I'm with you on that one, man.

I'm a member of WGA East as well.

Whatever.

Here's another one then.

Say things quickly.

Oh yeah, what have you got there?

I've got some more text.

You know, another superpower that I thought of having, this is a real middle-aged one.

I've got one now, by the way.

Actually, all of us agreed in the studio that the ultimate superpower, which they have in Heroes, and of course it's the best character in Heroes, is the power to teleport.

Yeah, teleportation, inarguably, because it will cut out all air travel or tedious travel.

Exactly.

The planet would be spared because all the carbon emissions would rock it down, you know, you wouldn't have to rely on.

cars and airplanes and automobiles and all that malarkey automobiles are the same as cars but you know what i'm saying it's the best one and also travel in the modern world especially in the post 9 11 world is not enjoyable in any way i love it when you say post 9 11 yeah i slipped it in there but you know what i'm saying like security checks and oh it's grim it is grim

Here's another one.

This is from Paul Savage in Wolverhampton.

He says, dear Adam and Jo, if I had a minor superpower, I would like to know how much of anything there is left.

I think that's a good idea.

For instance, if I wanted a biscuit, if I knew there was only one Jaffa cake left, but plenty of digestives in the tin, I would go and get it so I could suck the delicious orange-ness.

But you know, obviously that would be useful for biscuits.

He also says it would work with petrol, sex scenes in erotic thrillers.

But it would also be good for finding out how many natural reserves.

There are various You know elements foxy women I sometimes think I wonder how many foxy women there are on the planet really yeah, and Also, that would be good because you could yeah, that would be good.

Sorry.

I was about to say something

Well, it seems as if the number of foxy women is rising, but I think that's a byproduct of getting older, yeah.

Also, I sometimes wonder, I sometimes wish I had the power to rate people by their attractiveness, a little bit like your face or mine, I think it was, wasn't it?

But with Jimmy Carr a while ago.

Anyway, and you know, you would be able to sort of attach ratings to, it's ludicrous, I wish I hadn't started saying that.

Now listen, shall we have some more music before before we hear a tiny bit more before we wrap up that feature There was a frightening light flashing in the studio just there.

What was it?

It was fine I was worried it was gonna be like somebody complain head of the BBC complaining about something.

You're fired four weeks into the show You're out.

Now.

Here's a track I chose for you folks.

This is from the Beach Boys amazing box set There's a big Guardian thing about the hundred best albums.

You should listen to your thousand albums which made us think before you

Does anyone have a relative who is... I don't mean to bring the... the... the atmosphere down dying.

Yeah.

Uh, like, I'd... I'd love it if someone on their deathbed, uh... who was dying, demanded one of those 100 things you should do before you die lists.

Yes.

Get me a copy of Fride by Julian Cope.

I have only hours left before I expire, and I need to hear it.

Guardian today's got a list of a thousand albums to hear before you die.

It's a ridiculous premise.

Well, here's one that you should certainly prioritize.

Don't wait until it's too late.

The Beach Boys box set is packed with delights, and this is just one of them.

It's a track called Can't Wait Too Long.

It's very mellow.

That's the Beach Boys with Can't Wait Too Long.

Now that's got to be the precursor to a lot of things like the Beta Band, I would say.

Do you know what I mean?

That reminds me a little bit of some of the stuff on the Beta Band's three EPs album there.

It's like they've just been jamming for a while and they're not, they didn't really get a track out of it, but they've chopped the best bits of the sessions together and just, you know, stuck them out there for whoever wants to hear.

Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Rich in Oxford wants to figure out whether to call his cat Snickerpuss or Morrissey.

Morrissey.

Snickerpuss or Morrissey.

Just quick, let's do this quickly.

Yeah, Morrissey, yeah.

This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.

We're just gonna... What are we doing now?

It's half past.

Shall we go to the news?

Yeah, here's the news read by a beautiful lady called Catherine Cracknell.

And this... Hello there, good evening and welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

I'm Simon Ansel.

The first went out on a Wednesday, and was obviously not funny.

The second went out on a Thursday, which meant it was very, very funny.

Thursday at 9 on BBC 2.

But the thing he was saying wasn't supposed to be funny.

He was just saying his name.

The trail is about the fact that they've got a new time slot.

It's on Wednesdays now as opposed to Wednesdays.

And Thursday is inherently so funny that people laugh at things that aren't even jokes.

Yeah, because the slot is called Thursday's Are Funny.

Okay.

You know Peter Sarafina, which his show was on there, that's finished.

Just run now.

It made me angry, that trailer.

It's a good show, though, man.

Never mind the Buzzcocks.

Did you watch it last week?

No.

It was really funny.

I was laughing away, man.

I never used to laugh at shows like that.

I don't know what's happening to me.

You're tired.

Maybe I'm tired, but Amstel's very funny.

He's good.

We love him.

He's really good.

Hey, listen.

Let's wrap up.

Text the nation.

It's the superpowers thing.

Is that a good thing to do?

Yeah.

Finish it all off with one or two little ones.

Kiwolo, the locator.

He can locate your keys and wallets.

No, he can't locate your keys and wallets.

Only his own.

He can locate his own keys and wallets in minutes.

Keywallow, the locator.

I'm filling here.

Yeah, you're doing a good job.

I think I've picked up the wrong bits of paper.

Also, I was thinking the cholesterol.

He can lower his own cholesterol at will without the aid of pills.

That's good.

There's a guy here called Richard Jeffries.

Is that his name?

Yeah, he listens in America.

Where's that?

America's next to France.

It's where David Duchovny lives.

Do they have Coca-Cola coming out of the town?

Yes, they do.

He wants the power of omniscience.

We just went through this before.

I can't really pronounce omniscience.

Joe thought it was omniscience, the power to control the smell of your bath salts.

But, you know, and that's the most obvious thing to go for.

When I was thinking about this, I thought, well, you want the power to cure all disease.

Well, he wants to be God.

I mean, you know... But superheroes can't... I mean, you can't go that big as a superhero, can you?

No, because then there's no limits.

There's no rules.

It's got to be kind of quirky in order, superpower, because it's got to have limitations.

Exactly.

Otherwise, there's no drama.

Life is only enjoyable with limitations.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, so you can't be God.

And, you know, it's good for you to be ambitious, Richard.

But, you know, just you need to keep things in check a bit.

Exactly.

It's nice to be omniscient, but you'll end up competing with Stephen Fry and you'll get nowhere.

Yeah.

Luke Maskell.

has emailed, he says his superpower would be to be able to pull a £20 note out of his pocket on any occasion.

So he'd be casually rich.

But that's quite good in that, yes, he wants to be rich, but the limit is one £20 only comes at a time.

So if, say, he needs a million, you're talking about a commitment of several weeks of notes tugging.

Very sore back of the hand.

You'd have to get very loose cotton trousers.

It's like having a £20 limit on your ATM machine.

Yes.

You know, a daily limit there.

That's very true.

Which would be annoying.

Kat, who runs a website called Cutout and Keep, says, my superpower would be having a built-in version of Bernard's Watch.

I agree with that.

The ability to stop time.

What's Bernard's Watch?

Bernard's Watch was a kid's cartoon, was it?

Maybe it was live action.

I think it was a cartoon.

He was a kid who... No, it was live action.

It was a CBBC or CITB.

I don't know, serious about a little boy with a watch.

He could stop time.

Well, there's also a Twilight Zone episode.

Brilliant Twilight Zone episode, yeah.

But that would be fantastic, wouldn't it?

I've always wanted to do that.

Yeah, I was thinking, my adjustment to that would be, I would be able to go five minutes back in time.

That would be the only thing that I'd be able to do, you know what I mean?

It would have to be only five minutes.

And then you could get out of all kind of little social, uh, embarrassments and things like that.

Yeah, you'd use that a lot for five-minute men.

It wasn't there a thing... There was a TV show, wasn't there, called The Minute Man or something about a guy who could do that?

He could go back... I think there have been lots of variants of that, yeah.

Yeah.

Now, there's a guy called Peter Green in Seward's End in Saffron Walden.

I've probably said that wrong as well, but he's a dangerous man.

uh listeners because it says if I had a superpower it would be to be able to make people's brains explode just by looking at them and I would do it to everyone and there would be no one left and then I would just eat biscuits.

Has he really put that?

Yeah.

That's nice man it's nice thinking there.

You're either lovely or very very dangerous.

There was another guy who emailed in whose superpower would have been to make people poo their pants.

There was another guy called Big John emailed in and he said, I've lost the piece of paper but from memory, it said, Dear Adam and Joe, I would like to, for want of a better euphemism, have the power to be able to make love to everybody I see or kill them.

Right.

Yours, Big John.

That's George Clooney's power.

Is it?

Yeah, that's true.

He kills them with boring political films.

The Cloonster.

Speaking of which, well we'll talk about it later.

But shall we have some music right now?

Hey, that's the end of Text the Nation note.

Thank you very much for everybody who emailed or texted.

Those results will be going to Gordon Brown, who will base a new policy initiative on them.

I thought you were going to say more there.

There was no more to say.

It suddenly ran out.

Now, you chose this one, didn't you, Joe?

This is a track by The Cure.

Yeah, this is a track by The Cure.

This is from 1983.

And we used to groove around to this one.

Yeah, this is great.

When we met Frank Blacklow, a little bit of name dropping for you, a little bit more name dropping, he said that this was one of his favourite Cure tracks.

And I remember you saying to him, Joe, but no, you can't like the Lovecats.

That's bad period Cure.

But Frank said, no, I like it.

It's a good one.

So you've come round?

You've come round to it now then?

Oh yeah, I love this track.

You probably haven't heard it out there.

It's a band called The Cure.

It's one of their lesser known tracks called Love Cats.

Enjoy.

Wow, that sounded fantastic, didn't it?

Yeah, it's good, man.

In the middle of the song, does he say, oh, that's brilliant.

I didn't hear that.

He'd have every right to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was The Cure with Lovecats recorded.

When was that recorded, Judy?

Here we go, 1983, the 26th of August, 1983.

You know, the hardcore Cure fans, they think that that's a blot on the Cure landscape.

That's duragur, though, for hardcore fans.

That's the definition of a hardcore fan, right?

That's right.

You fixate on something obscure.

They hate it when it goes commercial.

Nor the mainstream, yeah.

When it crosses over.

I like that.

It's just like a bit of skiffly fun.

Yeah.

That could be by Bardo and I still like it.

Maybe it was written by Bardo.

I like skiffly fun.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

Now we've got to, you know, play you the Song Wars songs again, really, I'm sorry to say.

Yeah.

You have all week to vote for your favourite.

Just to quickly explain to people who've tuned in, we've written a song each about the friend of listeners, listeners' email facts about the friends.

We're not going to do a lot of waffle.

Can we stand to hear them again?

Something in my bones is telling me that this might be once too many.

Especially if they're going to be on the website, I'm thinking.

Do you know what I mean?

They are going to be on the website.

Let's just play a little bit of each one.

Let's start with... Don't play the clips, but play the full versions.

Okay.

And we'll see how much we can take.

This is Adam's one.

What's your one called?

This one is called James Rohan Neanderthal Man.

There's a man whose name is James Rohan.

He's a beast!

On the surface, he is not a shoot, but his armpit hair is scary.

And for that reason, he is known as Harry.

He is preoccupied with lady parts and solo fun.

Before the internet, he lived up on the top shelf.

He bought a Lindsay Dormack and DVD.

But returned it cause it wasn't really dirty.

Okay, let's come back later.

So there we go, if you want to vote for that song to win Song Wars, text Adam.

It's a 64046.

You can even just text Add.

It's three less presses of the thumb.

It'll actually lengthen your life by three more thumb presses.

You could even just text A, you know?

Really?

If you wanted to.

I don't know, that might be abstract.

They might think it's whatever you want.

Mistake.

Or the other song is about Jack Miller, whose friend Joel sent in details.

And this is called Song for Jack Miller.

That Jack Mello is an interesting fella.

Do you mind if I tell you some more about Jack Mello?

That Jack Mello is a man who, don't you know, had a friend who listens to Adam and Joe's song.

Was one week, had a thing where you send an email with facts about your closest friend.

A friend you've been friends with for oh so long that you want Adam and Joe to write a song.

So Jack's friend

That was more about the process of constructing this.

Yeah, I was, you know what I was thinking?

What?

I was just thinking that these songs will mean nothing to anybody listening.

Okay.

So you were trying to play in context?

I like it, yeah.

So if you like that one, the song for Jackmella, then e-mail, if you're voting during the week, you need to e-mail, rather than text.

Yeah, because text comes straight to the studio, so you'll just be texting Namone or something, and she'll be all confused and angry.

Yeah, and the e-mail address is adamandjoe, or one word, dot six music, at bbc.co.uk.

And we're just gonna, in a few minutes, we're gonna find out who's winning so far in an attempt to kind of anger the fans of the losing song.

Fanger.

Fanger, exactly.

The worst type of anger.

And, you know, just poke the whole fire.

Stir things up a bit.

A bit of fire-poking.

Now, before we wrap things up, here's a little track that Joe chose for you, ladies and gentlemen.

Hey, can you vote more than once?

Can we stop people from voting more than once?

Yeah, wait a second.

It's easy for people to vote more than once, isn't it?

Now it's all becoming clear.

Wait, hang on.

No, the reason I say that is because we've just had three Adam votes in at once, and they all appear to be from the same number.

Well, good, because, you know, it's getting, the message is getting through.

And it's your mum's mum.

She likes mum!

Now, Joe, here's your track.

This is The Ohio Players.

Yeah, gosh.

I've only just had a session track.

Yeah, what's this one, then, that I chose?

Oh, this is great.

This is by The Ohio Players.

If you ever look at their album covers, every album they ever did has a sexy lady being dribbled in honey or hosed down with a hose.

They're filthy, aren't they?

That's what drew me to them.

And then, luckily, the music is... every bit is good.

This is called You and Me.

That's the Ohio players there, this is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music.

We're having a minor crisis because we haven't thought of the theme for next week's Song Wars and we've only got five minutes left in the show.

Well, we decided there's gonna be whistling.

We decided there's gonna be whistling.

We thought we're gonna challenge each other to do some really sincere songs.

Yeah.

We still need a subject, so if you guys would like to email us in with some suggestions for what our song next week should be about.

The subject can just be a surprise.

We'll announce it.

We'll decide it after the show and we'll just announce it.

Uh-huh.

And maybe it'll pop up on the website.

Are we asking people to send in their suggestions?

Yeah, you can send in suggestions.

Adamandjo.6musicatpbc.co.uk.

Stay tuned, because Liz Kershaw's coming up in a second.

Also, Text the Nation, we'd like your suggestions for... Actually, no, we don't need suggestions.

We've got an idea for Text the Nation.

It's very complicated.

it is you say what is it oh yeah right text the nation next week listeners um is ideas uh things that you've seen in the world that you swear you had first yeah there's a film directed by michelle gaundry called be kind rewind starring jack black and moose deaf

about two men who run a video store.

And you're convinced that he nicked it off you?

I'm convinced.

Well, I did.

I had that idea.

Right.

I'm not saying that they stole it off me.

Yeah.

But I did have that idea.

I mean, an idea... I did nothing about it.

An idea is no good unless you do something about it.

I know, but still, it's something that happens in life a lot.

Yeah.

Does it not?

Listeners, you know, you see something like a book about a killer mug.

I thought about a book about a killer mug.

A killer mug.

Funny, I'd written it.

Yeah.

So what idea that's been out in the world, do you swear you've had before?

Or maybe you've got a friend who bores you by swearing that they've had ideas before.

And how angry did it make you?

You know, all that kind of business.

Well the best thing would be to hear from someone who actually had done something about their idea.

Alright.

And even then they got trumped by someone else.

Because a lot of good ideas out there you think, oh if only I'd thought of that.

Yeah.

So simple.

Well, there's a lot of, there's a lot of synchronicity that goes on, isn't there?

You know, Pixar and whoever come out with a film about bugs and then there's Bugs Life and then Ants coming out at the same time.

Disney Pixar Cars.

Who picks your cars?

Disney Pixar Cars.

Yeah.

What?

But you know what I'm saying?

There's always a rash.

There was the meteor film rash wasn't there.

There's Armageddon and Deep Impact and all that kind of thing.

But those were the ones that succeeded and got above ground.

What, have you ever had an idea of yours?

Be trumped by the big boys!

That's what we've wanted, I had a chance!

That's what we've wanted, I did!

That's what we've wanted!

That's what we've

Don't forget the show will be available to listen again on the Six Music website all week, as will the two songs in Song Wars, so please keep voting.

Yeah, speaking of listening again, by the way, I hope you don't mind me just plugging a show that I'm involved with in a small way.

It's John Holmes' new show.

Our Six Music brother, John Holmes, has a show called Listen Against.

which is on Radio 4 at 6.30 on Wednesdays.

It's a kind of insane topical satire thing.

So check that out.

I think you'll enjoy it.

But anyway, thanks very much.

Indeed, Liz Kershaw's coming up.

We'll see you next week.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.