The Adam and Joe Archive - adam_and_joe_20071027_bad

Yeah, come on.

Come on.

Alright then, I'm on.

Yeah, good.

That was Spudy Holly by the band, the rock band.

I forgot what they're called.

Weezer.

There you go.

This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.

Welcome to our brand new Saturday morning show.

Can you believe that they've led us back to do a Saturday morning show?

Into the big British castle.

We're very honoured and we're privileged to serve you listeners with piping hot early morning Saturday musical cakes.

We'll be here for the next 42 weeks.

42,000 weeks.

What does it say on that contract?

It said a year.

A year for a penny a minute.

At least a year for a penny a minute.

And the same thing goes wrong.

You know, because it's easy to put a foot wrong in the big British castle these days.

Remember listeners, we're paid almost nothing.

So don't get angry on any kind of, you know, licensed fee level.

No, this is like a charity we're doing here.

We take the tube into work.

They wouldn't even send a little car.

You can't believe that, can you?

I had to get the tube into work with a man who was sneezing.

I'm a member of the public with public disease.

Why do you like having cars sent for you?

Because it makes me feel special.

Makes you feel important, doesn't it?

And now I just feel normal.

Get used to it, it's the radio.

Anyway, we've got loads of great music coming up for you in the next three hours, is it?

Yeah.

Yeah, and we should say thank you very much to Jen Bristow for taking control over the early morning slot.

Having said that, she has left the studio like a pigsty.

Oh, come on, it's not that bad.

There's some little bits of paper on the floor.

I've cleaned those up.

There's still the detritus, the breakfast detritus over there in the corner, though, the brown flakes in there.

Is that a new type of cereal, detritus?

Yeah, it's delicious.

It's delicious.

It's really nice.

It's just all the bits that sort of go to the bottom in the cereal factory.

Did you watch QI last night?

No.

They had a little thing about what constitutes dust.

And you know, there's a popular misconception that it's mainly skin.

Really?

Incorrect.

Skin makes up a very small portion.

I've got a story about dust.

Of dust?

How about for the first link of a brand new show?

Before my story about dust, here's some music from Calvin Harris.

This is called Colors.

This is the new cycling safety song there from Calvin Harris encouraging you to wear bright colours if you cycle at night now that the evenings are drawing in.

What are you talking about?

I'm telling the listeners what that song's about.

Right.

Cycle proficiency.

Yeah, Calvin Harris.

Yeah, he's his diction there.

You know, he's very slovenly.

He didn't say much did he?

Yeah It just sounds a little grumpy Apparently he is a little bit grumpy.

Really?

Yeah Well, was are you saying that because he was here in the six music while we were doing he came in once for sure Apparently and he left a trail of grumpiness like a little mmm He was slightly on corporate jetway.

What's the word?

I'm looking for wake.

Like a grumpy wake.

A disco wake.

Yeah.

Well, there we go.

There's his new single.

It's called Colours.

And I'm pleased to say, unlike the... Is it late 80s or early 90s?

That hip-hop film called Colours.

With Dennis Hopper.

Colours.

That's how the song went.

Colours.

Yeah.

Dennis Hopper and Sean Penn, wasn't it?

It was quite a good film.

It was a good film.

Unlike that film, it's spelt with a U. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the proper British spelling.

That's right.

Well done, Harris.

Can I just get something off my chest before we hear your story about dust, which I very much want to hear?

How do you spell realized?

Do you spell it with an S or a Z?

S. It's an S in the UK, but it's a Z in America.

They like to use Z, so on your spell check, on your computer.

Yeah, on Microsoft Word and other American programs.

It will highlight those S's.

But I'm sure I go into a dessert.

I go into preferences of most of my applications and tell them that it's an English spelling set that I require.

And still, I'm told every time I write the word realise that I'm incorrectly spelling.

Well, maybe listeners can help us with that kind of thing.

You can text us Adamandjo.6 What?

Yeah.

Is that really?

What is that?

Is this all part of the address?

Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk Now, complicatedly, there is a capital A of the and.

Don't have to worry about it.

It's not case sensitive.

Okay, so it's Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk Now, the clocks are going back tonight, which means it's officially autumn.

And to celebrate that, I've chosen a special track from haircut 100's album Pelican West.

That's a peach of an album.

It's an old album.

Younger listeners might not know of it, but it's very good.

We always go on about this album every time we're on the radio, because it's a smash, and it bears up very well.

Yeah, his calling Captain Autumn.

Dust Story coming up by haircut 100.

haircut 100 with uh calling captain autumn that's more jazz and funky than i remember it yeah it's slightly i love that song it's slightly pathetic isn't it yeah because it conjures up an image of a superhero called captain autumn and if that isn't bad enough it also conjures up the image of like a gang of uh grown-up men who need to call him in well the superhero captain autumn is nick hayward and he wears his uniform he always wears cricket whites though it's a big

a woolly jumper and it's tucked into his corduroys, his high-waisted trousers.

That's Captain Orton.

And he just runs around and goes... It's true and by going... he makes leaves appear.

And he makes autumn arrive on all the trees.

Why are we calling that song pathetic?

It's brilliant.

And so if a baddie comes along, he will command the leaves to swarm over the guy.

Has that even... Like in Brazil?

They've got some dog plops in them.

Do you remember the scene in Brazil where that bloke is covered by bits of paper, by red tape?

That's right.

and he could do a similar thing with leaves.

Tell us your dust story.

My dust story very quickly.

Adam was talking about QI that was on last night and they were discussing what dust actually is.

My story was a letter in the 14 times where somebody was, you know the 14 times like a paranormal magazine, people who are into the paranormal are obsessed with orbs in photos.

Take a digital photo, you'll see a little weird orb on it.

Paranormal people think they're ghosts.

The rest of us understand that it's like reflecting off dust.

Yeah, or the lens.

Fourteen times tried to make this clear to one of its readers.

You know, they're not ghosts, it's just dust.

The reader's reply to that was, yes, but what is dust?

The reader was suggesting dust is actually ghosts.

Did you mention that on QI last night?

Well, they're very stupid.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

This is our new Saturday morning show.

We're what?

17 minutes in?

It's going okay, isn't it, so far?

It's going very well.

We've got an award.

Have we?

Yeah.

Wow.

What sort of award?

It's a BAFTA.

Cycling Proficiency Award.

No, it's a BAFTA.

Oh, really?

Yeah, for the best first 17 minutes.

It's a new award.

I heard it was for best film.

Is it?

Yeah.

I didn't realise.

Yet it's for best film.

Isn't that exciting?

Come on, BAFTA.

Listen, if you want to text us, you can text us on 64046.

If there's anything you hear that makes you think a thought, you know, you can text that thought to us or you can email us adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.

Now, later on in the show,

We have a couple of exciting features.

Look at my exciting features!

First of them is called Text the Nation.

That's something we did a while back when we were depping for Sean Keveny.

That's what we call it here on the radio, filling in.

It's Britain's favourite feature.

That's right.

Text the Nation.

Britain's favourite feature.

It has a jingle.

It's the people's feature.

And we're going to be playing that a bit later on.

But I say playing that.

That's really picking it up much too much, isn't it?

But then later on, something that we really will be playing because we need your help.

Well, we need your help for Texanation as well.

But we are going to be playing Song Wars.

Yeah, we're going to have a competition.

Me and Adam basically have composed

a new song each.

A brand new piece of song.

We haven't heard one another's songs.

Both the songs are themed.

That's right.

We'll tell you the theme a bit later.

We're going to need you to text in an email in and vote for which song you want to hear played.

The feature's called Song Wars.

It's a bit like Star Wars, only with songs instead of the stars.

Exactly.

And instead of the Rebel Alliance and the Evil Empire, it's like two songs.

Yeah.

And none of us are really evil.

That would be going too far with me.

I think you're evil.

Really?

You're a little bit evil.

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

Yeah.

Not badly.

Not like horribly evil.

Just a little bit.

Now, cheeky.

Shall we play some music?

Is that what you mean?

A little bit cheeky.

A trail?

What's in the trail?

This is Jude speaking here in the background.

Let's have a telly trail.

Fantastic.

That's good, isn't it?

I've never heard that before.

The wedding present, that's a big gap in my musical knowledge.

I've never actually heard that before.

I've never heard that before.

Actually, I've never heard that before.

Ashley, I've never heard that before.

Actually, Ashley, I've never heard that before.

What's the wedding present?

With a song called Kennedy.

Now what sort of Kennedy would that be?

Is that a song about Sarah Kennedy?

Or is it a song about Kennedy the MTV VJ who was popular in America in the 80s?

Or is it a song about Kennedy's the Australian chocolate snack?

Or is it a song about John F Kennedy, the president of Birmingham?

No, of, well, President Birmingham, that's correct.

This is Adam and Jo, this is BBC Six Music.

This is our brand new Saturday morning show and it's time to launch the first of our important features.

The nation's favourite feature, it's Text-a-nation.

Text-a-nation, text, text, text, text-a-nation.

What if I don't want to?

Text-a-nation.

But I'm using email, is that a problem?

It doesn't matter, text!

So there you go, that's all.

Was that loud enough?

All you need to know was contained in the body of the jingle there.

That jingle must be played loud.

Text the nation.

Yeah, I think it was, but next time keep an eye on that picture.

Text, text, text.

Thanks a lot.

Can you shut up?

What are you doing?

Just taking control of the technological side of this show.

Do it in your own time.

Sorry mate, keep going.

Uh, so what we want you to do, folks, is text us, or, as it was made clear in the jingle, email us, or you could send a telegram or a written letter.

But not just about anything.

No.

It's about a subject.

A very specific subject.

And this morning's text-the-nation subject is, uh, altercations with shopkeepers that have got out of hand.

Right.

Right?

You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Adam?

Man, my whole life is an altercation with a shopkeeper that's got out of hand.

Adam and I are always in shops holding something broken, trying to stand up for our rights.

Listeners, does that happen to you?

Have you been into a shop and had a kind of confrontation with the shopkeeper over something the shop sold you or, you know, some kind of transaction that's gone wrong?

And has that conversation spiralled out of control?

It doesn't even have to be like something you've bought from them.

A lot of times I haven't bought anything.

I'm just at the I'm interested in buying something stage and suddenly it all gets away from me.

It doesn't take very long, only a minute or something, it most often happens in the technical zone, in Tottenham Court Road, you know what I mean?

Because those guys, it's like a kind of bargaining market there, and there's a sort of weird...

blurry line about like, is the price fixed or can you haggle for it or what?

So you're never quite sure what's what the rules are.

Right after a song in the news, we're going to tell you our best altercations with shopkeepers.

But if you've got one, do text in 64046 or email Adam and Joe dot six music at BBC dot co dot UK.

But right now, it's music time.

Yeah, oh, this is a this is a song.

I thought it was a different one.

But it's Estelle.

Oh, it's not!

No, it is a song!

It's Minktaville.

I chose this one.

It's good, man.

Spanish stroll.

Check it!

What if I don't want to?

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

there you go the nation's favorite feature before that you heard the dandy warhols with the second of their only two memorable tracks which is uh what was that one called get off get off it was good though wasn't it as good as bohemian like you and considerably better than all the rest of their songs not as good as prince's get off though no no that's true that's true but anyway text the nation

Yeah, Text the Nation is the people's competition, right?

Here on Adam and Jo's radio show on BBC6 Music.

We'd like you to text in or email in on the subject of altercations you've had with shopkeepers in shops.

Yeah.

Okay, so here's mine.

Go on.

And it happened in the Tottenham Court Road this week.

This week?

I was in a bad mood.

I bought a new phone recharger.

That made me angry already, because phone rechargers are like electric toothbrush heads.

They gratuitously design them differently for each model, so you have to buy a new one.

What was wrong with your old one?

Misplaced it?

Blew up.

So I took it into the shop in Tottenham Court Road, and I was not gonna... I was getting it exchanged.

I wasn't gonna stand for anything else.

No.

It had broken.

They'd sold me a chunky charger.

I was having it exchanged.

I'm gonna do the shopkeeper's accents in French.

even though they weren't French, but it just might be, you know, more acceptable if I do them in French.

So I said, look here, this charge is broken, I bought it, I had the receipt, I bought it a couple of weeks ago, swap it for a new one, please.

Said the shopkeeper.

I said, why not?

I've got the receipt.

You sold it to me, it's broken.

I want a new one.

Because it is a charger.

You might have plugged it into a plug with the wrong voltage.

Says the shopkeeper.

I'm like, well, yeah, but no, I didn't.

I didn't do that.

I used the correct voltage.

It blew up.

Uh, surely.

And at that point I invoked the sales act.

Do you ever go that now?

I don't know what the sales act is.

Is there a sales act?

Does anyone else do this out there, listeners?

Have you ever invoked the sales act without knowing what it is?

Start talking about your consumer rights.

I said, now look, now look here, chum.

The sales act.

What you're trying to do is against the Sales of Goods Act.

Sales of Goods Act.

At which point I'm sure I saw him smile slightly.

Of course he did.

Then repress it.

He said, no it does not.

Electrical charges.

No, come on, there is such a thing as the sales act, but he was arguing that it didn't apply to chargers and things that rely on a standard voltage, right?

And he was quite articulate about this.

It was as if he knew what he was talking about, which slightly flummoxed me.

So I was ridiculous.

What's your name?

At this point, I got out a piece of paper and I started... I was thinking I was not gonna have this.

Yeah.

I wanted a new charger.

I noted his name down.

To give you a badge number?

As if I was gonna contact a solicitor.

Right.

I didn't actually say that, but all my body language, it was like, right, I've got a solicitor.

This is hardcore.

You've messed with the wrong guy.

I'm going to take this to the bank.

You've messed with the wrong guy.

I'm bringing your electronics outlet down.

At any point did you say, I have a radio show on BBC.

Now that's tempting and if you're listening and if you have any any kind of role in the media in a situation like this It is always very tempting a bit like being a prefect at school, you know to say but I'm a prefect You've done that before though, haven't you when you've been in confrontations?

You told me that you have well, let's talk about this offer You said I was not relevant to this story because I didn't do it at this point, right?

But I did take out a piece of paper.

I jotted down his name.

He looked quite sad when he gave me his name.

And then he said, did you use the charger abroad?

Because often power fluctuates when you are abroad.

The answer to that question was yes.

I then realized that yes, I'd been in Los Angeles and I tried to charge my phone in Los Angeles and that's where it exploded.

So at that point I realized in my head, oops, I was wrong.

And they were right.

But did I confess that?

No.

I took his name.

I took the name of the man next to him.

I wrote them on the back of a very small receipt.

I tucked them in my wallet and said, right, we'll see about this.

You'll be hearing from me again.

And I walked out of the shop.

Well done, sir.

And as I walked out of the shop, I thought, right, for the next two weeks, I'm not gonna walk in front of that shop again.

I'm gonna walk on the other side of the road.

So there you go, an embarrassing altercation in a shop.

It went too far.

I came out like an idiot.

We're gonna have a song before we hear Adam's altercation.

And if you've got, like, an embarrassing confrontation you had in a shop,

text it to us 64046, or if it's too verbose and involved, we love long stories.

Put it in an email and send it to adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk, please!

Now, here's guilt complex with sons and daughters, or is it the other way round?

The other way round.

It's sons and daughters with guilt complex, you complete idiot.

Ooh, delightful.

That's a new addition to the playlist here at Six Music.

That's Sons and Daughters with Guilt Complex.

And here's the thing.

Guilt is spelt G-I-L-D.

No U. So it's like she loves the complex so much that it's, uh, guilt.

You know?

It's shiny and... She doesn't feel guilt with a U, does she?

No.

No, she's guilty about nothing.

Yeah.

Instead, uh, she's got a complex about shiny things.

She's gilded it.

Yeah.

And it's now guilt.

That's what something guilt is, right?

It's something that you've gilded.

Yeah.

Like a lily.

Yeah.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Does anyone ever gild lilies?

Someone does, there's a little guy.

And I'm not talking metaphorically.

No, I know, literally.

Literally.

There's a guy, you can get them done for like birthdays and stuff.

Really?

I'm pretty sure.

What happens when the lily inside the gilt, like, goes rotten?

No, it doesn't because the act of gilding it keeps it sort of... So it kind of goes rotten and dry inside the gold?

It's like putting something in Aspic or sealing it in resin.

Really?

Yeah.

I learned so much on this program from you, Adam.

You'll like it.

You know, if there isn't a service that guilds lilies there should be, surely.

Absolutely.

That's a business day and age.

There you go.

Take that into the dragon's den.

Yeah, take that.

It's a stupid idea.

It's not going to sell them for that reason.

I'm out.

I love your impression of that guy.

Who is that guy?

Duncan Valentine, I think.

I don't know.

Listen, listen.

I'm out.

That's not a Scottish accent, that's specifically Duncan Valentine.

If I've got his name right, I may have got his name wrong and the accent wrong.

This is a show where things are wrong.

Now, we are engaged in Text the Nation, the nation's favourite feature.

We are asking people to send in their stories about altercations with shopkeepers that have spiralled out of control.

Joe, have you got any texts there?

I have, Adam, but I'm not going to read any out yet.

Teasing the texts?

Yeah, I need to read through them, I need to filter them and edit them.

Now, I was just trying to think about my most impressive altercation story, but the thing is, I've had so many, and many, many of them have been in Tottenham Court Road.

But there was one recently I had that wasn't in Tottenham Court Road.

It was in Regent Street, and it was a big popular toy shop.

I know that big popular toy shop.

And I've told this story elsewhere, but not on the radio recently, but it was an incident that happened when I went in there.

I bought a load of stuff.

And then the girl, automatically behind the checkout, started putting them in plastic bags.

And I said, it's okay.

I don't need a bag.

Thank you.

I have a bag.

And she said, oh, you've got to have a bag.

And I said, no, it's okay.

I don't need one.

I've got a bag.

Look, I have a bag.

Like you had a rucksack.

I had a rucksack.

I'm a nerd.

I carry a rucksack.

I don't need bags.

plus the bags for killing the planet.

And anyway, she refused to let me leave the shop without a bag.

I mean, it was just rank insanity.

And at first, I thought like she was just being a bit silly.

But then it was it suddenly switched within a very few short moments to being so mad.

and also like a fantasy situation you know very seldom like your story that you were just telling about your your guy and your charger you were you found out that you were kind of in the wrong there yeah in fact pretty much totally in the wrong but in this situation i was totally in the right which doesn't happen to me very often and this girl was clearly being unreasonable and had misunderstood the shot so she wanted

She insisted you put your goods in a bag because she thought they'd think you'd stolen them.

Exactly.

Every customer who bought stuff had to have a plastic bag.

That's right.

She understood incorrectly that it was shop policy to force a bag.

You called her on this.

You got an argument.

Yeah, I said... Voices were raised.

That's right.

Well, no, I tried not to raise my voice.

You stayed cool.

Tried to stay cool because I thought, listen, Buxley, this is your one time in the right.

But she got stroppy.

But she got very stroppy.

What sort of thing was she saying?

and sarcastic she was just like look sir can you just take the bag and leave and I'm afraid you do have she was the whole attitude was very unhelpful and sarcastic yeah I mean so I said listen just get the manager will you just get the manager

So she eventually got them, and she was tutting at me, and shaking her head, and stuff like, ugh.

And there was, you know, because people were being held up in the queue and stuff.

Everything about this girl was like, you are an idiot, and you're making my life a misery just by refusing to have this bag.

And of course, eventually the manager came along and said, no, he doesn't need a bag.

Of course he doesn't.

That's fine.

And then she, and then after the manager had left, very loudly she said to me in front of the rest of the queue,

Thanks very much for making me look like a total idiot.

I felt like saying, well, you know, that was something that you got yourself into there, pretty much, don't you reckon?

Have you got a worse shop altercation?

I think when you call the manager, that's when we're interested, right?

When the manager is summoned, when you try and go over the head of the person who's serving you, text your story 64046, or email adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk.

It's time for an exciting track chosen by Adam.

Now, yeah, this is a lovely track.

This is from the Eels' last album.

I think it was their last album, wasn't it?

And it's called, I think, Blinking Lights, and it's a long album title.

It features the words Blinking Lights in it, and it's a brilliant album, and this is a track called To Lick Your Boots.

Hello, how are you doing?

This is Adam and Joe.

Fine, thanks.

I wasn't talking to you.

And we're here on 6 Music.

This is our new home.

On 6 Music from 9 till 12, every Saturday morning, that's where you'll find us, for better or worse.

And before the trail there, you heard Eels with to lick your boots, a track from their album, Blinking Lights and Other Revelations was the name of the album, I think.

Here's a text from Damon in Bristol.

He's responded to our request for you to send in stories about terrible altercations in shops.

It's our Text the Nation theme this week.

I think it's Damien.

D-A-M-E-O-N.

Damien.

Damien says I bought cheap batteries from an army surplus shop that didn't work in stereo.

I bought cheap batteries from army surplus shop that didn't work in stereo, right?

Does that make sense?

In a stereo.

He hasn't put in the smaller words.

Right.

He's not stealing in big words.

He hasn't got time for little words, Damien.

Because maybe he put the batteries in and suddenly everything was mono.

Took back to shop, Dash refused to give money back.

God angry, Dash, threw batteries across shop into army surplus, said some rude words, went home with new batteries from another shop, didn't work in stereo either, felt bad.

I like the way Damien used synopsize everything, just with the key words.

Well he's texting, isn't he?

No, he's email.

Oh, he's email?

Yeah.

Bought cheap batteries, took back to shop, refused to give money.

They're like bullet points.

It's like Johnny Vaughan language.

That's right.

Uh, but you know you've made several mistakes there, Damien.

You've tried to buy batteries from an army surplus shop.

That's a secondhand store, isn't it?

They're gonna be secondhand batteries.

Then he's, uh, got angry and thrown the batteries across the shop.

That's a very big gesture.

We don't encourage that.

Batteries are heavy things.

If they'd struck a toddler...

or smashed a window you would have been in terrible trouble man if they'd gone in if they'd even like brushed someone's sleeve that would have been you could have got sued all sorts of legal action could have ensued and then it seems that at the end of the day it was his stereo that didn't work not the batteries that's right

What are you thinking about?

Keep those texts and messages coming in.

Thank you, Damien.

You know, you're not a buffoon.

I'm wrong about that.

You just had a bad moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A buffoonie moment.

Now, here's a session track chosen by me.

This is Uros Iros.

We're still not quite sure how to pronounce his name.

We had a big debate involving a lot of our Welsh listeners while we were filling in for Shorten, Kivni on the breakfast show on whether to pronounce Uros Child's name, Uros or Iros.

Iros, I think, is the... We think it's Iros.

This was recorded on February the 6th, 2006, in the hub here at VBC6 Music for the Freak Zone.

That's Stuart McConey's... Excellent show.

This is called My Country Girl.

That was the lovely Iros Childs with Country Girl.

We love his work.

Absolutely.

We've been into him since day one, man, with Corky, Psygotic, Monkey, one of the most underrated bands who split under the pressure of the public's general disinterest.

Really?

Well, that's part of the story.

It's happened to quite a lot of good bands, hasn't it?

Of course.

The list is endless.

Peter Band.

That's the end of the list.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music, our new Saturday morning slot.

Now,

It's Song Wars time soon.

Yeah.

And Song Wars is another new feature.

What am I saying, another new feature?

It's the new feature.

It's the other new feature.

Adam and I have both written a song.

They're themed songs.

And we're going to ask you to vote for which song you want to hear.

Isn't that right?

That's right.

So stay tuned for that.

But first of all, we have... What are we doing?

Oh, Song by the Cribs.

Sorry, that wasn't very professional, was it?

I'm still a little bit confused.

Well, as to what I'm doing here or who I am.

This is the Cribs with our bovine public.

That's Interpol with Khmer!

into Paul.

He must be fun, you know, just to hang out with.

Have we said this before?

Well, this is the band that we think are going to do the News Night theme pretty soon.

Right.

We think they're going to be employed by BBC News.

Possibly even to read the news.

That's right.

We think they've kind of... Something very bad has happened somewhere in the world.

That's how he read it.

We think we think he's friends with Midjure and they have sort of serious offs.

You know, they go around to each other's houses, eat data.

Right.

Bowls of data.

Have little data bars.

Ticker tape.

And they wear long coats.

And stroke cigarettes by Stalinist statues on hills.

And say things like this to each other.

Hello, Midjure, you're looking very nice today.

Do I look nice or is nice your prejudice?

Yeah?

Yeah, exactly like that.

I don't know!

Is the reply.

That kind of chat goes on.

There we go, that's what happens in Interpol's daily life.

This is Adam and Jo, this is BBC Six Music, now!

We're obviously running the Text the Nation feature, still keep texting your stories about shop altercations, but we're going to start another feature.

We haven't quite got the hang of how to arrange our features around our radiophonic face.

It's a slightly beaten up sort of facial features, you know, arrangement.

A little lump and aged.

Because we're going to bring a new segment into play now.

This is called Song Wars.

And before we tell you about the segment, let's just deal with the jingle.

Mmm.

Because the segment's called Song Wars, it's like Star Wars only with songs.

So Adam's done a jingle in it, Adam.

Yeah.

So logical thing to do with a feature called Song Wars.

Yeah.

You sing over the music from Star Wars.

Right?

But Adam phoned me up yesterday and he said he wasn't that confident about this jingle.

He wasn't that happy with his singing.

He feels ashamed about ruining the Star Wars theme and majestic piece of music.

There's a lot of problems with it, you know, because A, it's very hackneyed anyway.

It's a hackneyed area, the whole Star Wars area.

It's pretty well covered, especially by us.

You know, we've used it many times.

Hard to find a fresh laugh.

It's such a well-known piece of music.

It's a cliche in itself.

But also, see, it's brilliant.

I mean, it's amazing.

But you were also worried about your register that you needed to sing higher.

And I usually cover the falsetto singing, usually.

We're setting it up too much now.

But listen, have a listen to the jingle.

It's a total cacophony, but it also contains salient facts about what the competition is.

So this is the long version of the jingle, okay?

with the chorus.

This could be the only time this full version is played.

Yeah.

So this is the long version with the intro.

Hit it!

It's time for song.

Wars, it is the song Wars, thank the song, song Wars, song, song, song, song It's a battle between two songs One song and two songs Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Heard the songs

are composed by a dementia themselves and inspired by a given theme we play clips and the listeners choose which one they like and the winning song when we play as we love

I could have done with a repeat of the chorus there Well that man that was the verse what you mean the bit that There's some amazing background singing going on there.

Yeah, I hope you're in a soundproofed room when you did that I was that's the thing that when I try and sing that home my voice just not right

That's good.

But next week, I might pop round and add some lady singing to that.

Yeah, good move.

Yes, it'll be even more cacophonous.

But that pretty much sets out the stall listeners.

We've each composed songs.

We haven't heard each other's songs.

We agreed on a theme though.

And during the show, during the next, what is it now?

It's 10 past 10, the next hour and 50 minutes.

We're gonna fight those songs.

We're gonna play you two clips.

Listen, the music's staying appropriate.

The songs are gonna battle.

Only one.

will survive the other will be yes that's what Darth Vader says oh it's damn funny uh yes so there we go are we gonna play this music's too dramatic it's too dramatic now yeah oh man there it's too much to live up to that's the thing man so are we gonna play the clips of the songs now yeah

Now we should say that the songs this week, the theme, every time we do this feature, and we can't guarantee that we're going to do it every week, because it takes a lot to do a whole song, right?

But when we get it together to do song wars, we do the songs on a given theme.

This time the theme was height.

That's right, because if any of you have seen us in the flesh, we have quite different heights.

Adam's on the smaller side.

There is a market disparity.

I'm on the taller side.

It's sort of like a lamppost with a bowling ball sitting.

foot of it, if you see us walking down the street.

It's true.

So there we go, these songs are about height, so we're gonna play you what, ten seconds of snatches?

And stand by your texting thumbs.

I don't think you're allowed to say that.

64046.

I just did.

Now, which clip are we playing first?

Joe's or Adam's?

Okay, well, let's play mine just for the sake of it.

Now, my track is this... That's Adam speaking, by the way.

Yes.

This is a track called Four Foot Club, and it's by my band called Four Foot Club.

And even though I'm not actually four feet high, I'm taller than that,

It's what it feels like sometimes when you're a small man.

So it's like a club, the four-foot club.

Exactly.

So this is for all the smallies in the four-foot club.

So this is just a teaser though.

This is a tiny teaser, even less than that.

If you want to hear the whole thing, you have to text 64046.

So here's the teaser.

There you go.

Oh, wow.

It's tantalizing.

I want respect like Napoleon or Danny DeVito.

Were those the lyrics?

Yeah.

I was sort of overwhelmed by it.

I know.

It's hard to pick out the genius in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

So if you want to hear that one, that's called Four Foot Club.

The band are called what?

Four Foot Club.

four-foot club, then text 64046.

Alternatively, you might want to vote for my song, Joe's song.

My song is by DJ Nippy Nips.

Okay.

Yeah.

I love Nippy Nips.

He's a new force in the rap scene, and he's written a sort of a rap about being tall.

It's just called Tall, but I think it might be an acronym.

Even though I haven't figured out what it is yet, I will.

T-A-L-L.

T-A-L-L, yeah.

That's what the song's called.

So here's a teaser of my song, Tall.

If you want to hear all of this, maybe the acronym could be They All Laughed at Longo.

Maybe it couldn't be that.

Alright, here's a snatch of my song.

I'm six foot three and a half, you know.

That's the heart I go.

And my name is Joe.

Too tall to fit in a photograph.

Or a standard bath.

I'm a man giraffe.

Oh, man.

That's gonna win?

How do you know?

Because I don't think my clip does mine justice.

I mean, mine is insane anyway.

It's yours is good, man.

This is what we thought.

We did this feature before when we were filling in for Sean Keatony on the breakfast show.

I thought I had it in the bag at the eleventh hour.

Yeah.

Everyone swung around to bucko.

It's the thing is that my track was so nutty that my lyrics kind of got lost, you know?

Hey, now, you see, this is what you do.

You go for the underdog position very early on.

Don't go for this, listeners.

This is premeditated.

Oh, dear, I'm never going to win.

I'm suffering like a little... Well, you know, it's manipulative, listeners.

Don't go for it.

So the text number is 64046.

Text Adam or Joe.

Does that make sense?

Here's a reminder.

This is Adam's clip.

Or, if you want this song to win, text Joe to 64046.

There we go, and we'll play the winner at the end of the song.

That was Song Wars.

It continues to be Song Wars.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

It's music time.

Here's Mark Ronson with Valerie.

That was Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse with a lovely track called Valerie This is BBC six music.

You're listening to Adam and Joe.

Yeah, they make they make it sound like a sort of perennial classic there Valerie was of course written by the Zootons, wasn't it?

But they the way they cover it there It's as if it was a like an old-school stand Motown nugget, you know, yeah Anyway, it's not good.

They're very good combination.

Well done getting those two together We have a music industry bottom has that idea to you I tip my hat

Wow, imagine.

If anyone actually ever talks like that in real life, you can slap them.

You know what?

I had a strange moment the other day when I was in Soho and I suddenly felt like I was right in the centre of things because I bumped into someone.

It was the producer of the Peter Serafinowicz show.

A brilliant show if you've never seen it folks.

Gotta check it out.

But this guy James Surfin, which Peter's brother, he was in Soho and he's, I should say first of all, he's a lovely bloke and not at all kind of a dick.

Yeah, he was wearing sort of aviator shades.

And he was on his mobile and he saw me and he, you know, he was trying to juggle a conversation with me and the mobile.

And it was one of those moments where you want to say hi, but, you know, he's on a call.

So I just said, I'll see you later on.

And he said, yeah, OK, I'll catch you on Facebook.

Oh, no.

And he sort of walked on and he said that loudly and not like like other people could hear it.

He said it very loudly.

I didn't say it loudly so on Facebook.

Did you catch him on Facebook?

I haven't caught him yet on Facebook.

You could see the anxious look on Adam's face now listeners.

But why about being caught on Facebook.

Standing in Soho and having someone say catch you on Facebook.

I like that.

I have to live come to I have to tell you the world come to you liked it.

I thought it.

Yeah, I've arrived.

I've arrived in there, so... What a terrible admission.

Okay, now, listeners, it's time for a song that I've chosen because it's featured in the new Wes Anderson film, The Darjeeling Limited.

Now, lots of people don't really like Wes Anderson.

They're annoyed by his films and thinks he makes the same one over and over again.

But I really enjoyed The Darjeeling Limited.

It's about three brothers whose father has just died and they go on a train across India to kind of find themselves.

And it's kind of whimsical and quirky and slightly annoying like all his films, but it's also beautiful to look at.

His other films include The Life Aquatic, The Royal Tenenbounds, Rushmore... Is there another one in there, Bottle Rocket?

Is that the whole lot?

I think that's the lot, isn't it?

I think that might be the lot, yeah.

But this new one, The Darjeeling Limited, is coming out pretty soon.

I think it's closing the London Film Festival here in London.

Anyway, this song was featured on the soundtrack.

I like it.

I thought it was obscure and quirky.

I'd never really heard it before.

Then when I proposed, we played it on this show.

Our producer, Jude, cast her eyes up to the heavens.

Adam sighed and looked slightly unwell.

Well, he's very good Wes Anderson at kind of recontextualizing songs that have been around for a long time, and he always chooses interesting tracks for his movies.

But this, this is a one that I, it's pretty much hard to defend, I would say.

This is always maybe... You think it's just bad?

It's always made me want to kill people when I wrote this song, yeah.

Jude feels the same.

I loathe it.

She loathe it.

She said this is the sort of thing they play on radio too.

So, I don't know.

Maybe you should have just vetoed this choice.

If it proves to be really unpopular, listeners, if you hate it, just text in.

We'll pull it off the air.

This is Peter Sarstead with Where Do You Go to My Lovely.

It's just the way he sort of goes... Oh, you'll hear it.

Check it out.

That's enough.

Come on, stop it.

Stop it.

Why?

Just because you did that.

Ha ha ha.

You keep a racehorse like a racehorse and you pop it inside your boots.

Ha ha ha ha.

Racefuls wouldn't fit inside a pair of boots.

It was big, big boots.

That's what he's saying.

It was a big boots.

I want to look inside your head.

Look in there.

It's your brain.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

That was a very divisive song.

We had a lot of texts during it and it was pretty much 50-50.

Some people love it.

Some people loathe it.

like Wes Anderson himself.

It's the Marmite factor, Jon.

It's the Marmite factor.

That was Peter Sarstead.

Do you hear what I said, though?

I did.

I'm trying to ignore it.

It's the Marmite factor.

Where do you go to, my love?

You either love it or hate it.

Do you hear what I said?

Talking of loving and hating songs, we're also in the middle of song wars, a brand new feature where you have to choose between a song composed by me, Joe, or a song composed by him, Adam.

The text number is 64046.

vote either Adam or Joe.

Now, Joe thought that we shouldn't say who was in the lead.

Yeah, because again, it prejudices people.

He thought there might be a swing.

Well, it's putting you again into the underdog position from where you always mount a fight back.

That's not true.

If I'm mounting a fight back, then it's on the merits of my track, which I must say I don't feel my British public.

What?

Eddie the Eagle Edwards.

Listen, don't call me Eddie the Eagle Edwards.

The fact is, listeners, that Joe is way ahead at the moment.

He is winning.

He streaks ahead.

And listen, I'm not surprised.

I don't think it's anything to do with me being the underdog.

The fact is, the clip makes his song sound good.

But I'm telling you, there's a lot more to a four-foot club than Joe's.

I'm telling you, I don't think there is.

Let's have a listen to the two snippets again.

Here's to Adam's first.

Oh, yeah, I made this all, but my dreams are large.

If you're feeling that I'm too

Yeah, I'm sick of feeling that I'm too diminutive to be in charge.

Those are the lyrics.

Let your clip speak for itself.

Stop embellishing.

And here's my one.

Here's Joe's clip.

There you go.

So if you want to hear the whole of that one, text Joe to 64046.

Or if you want to hear the whole of Adams, text Adam to 64046.

And the winning song will be played at the end of the show.

To be honest with you, we might play both at the end of the show.

It's a question of who...

Competition are nonsense.

No, competitions are nonsense.

Look, this is the Big British Castle.

There are new rules about competition.

Exactly.

Competitions have to be a nonsense, because if there's any genuine competitive edge to them, then everyone gets fired.

I tell you what, we'll consult the new BBC rules during this next song.

The Hold Steady is the band called The Hold Steady.

What's happened to grammar in the world of pop?

Lynne Truss would be outraged at the current state of naming songs and bands.

The Hold Steady...

with a with a track called can you please crawl out your window that should be of your window and it should be the hold steadies see me there you go that's talking heads from their album little creatures with road to nowhere this is Adam and Joe here on six music we're here every Saturday from 9 till 12 from yeah that was wonderful to hear that again

I know, it's like a little warm time capsule, especially for you and I, that album meant so much to us.

We were at school together, Adam and I, and when we were about 14 or 15 in the mid-80s, the Talking Heads kind of ruled the world.

They released their amazing concert movies, stopped making sense, that I think was given away free in a newspaper the other week.

Probably the Daily Mile.

And we were so excited when that album came out, weren't we?

Yeah, that was a smash.

Although it took a little adjusting for me because I had a very clear image in my head of what I wanted talking heads to be, do you know what I mean?

And I just about got used to speaking in tongues and then suddenly they come out with this whole sort of Cajun zydeco sound.

that you hear on Road to Nowhere there and that took a little getting used to but I went with it because I love them yeah if you're you know young and you don't really know about the talking heads they're a band you could pretty much just go into a shop and buy their first four albums and you couldn't go wrong any album is good you know

And of course, it was Talking Heads' last album, True Stories.

Was that their last album?

No, no, their last album was Naked, but their penultimate album, some say their worst album, True Stories, that gave Radiohead their name.

There's a track on there called Radiohead, and that's where they... Is that really so?

That's where they got the name from, yes.

And it's a fun track.

Maybe not the best Talking Heads track.

It's just a bit of fun.

Just have fun with it.

Now I want to talk a little later on about some mouse problems that I'm having, Joe Cornish.

That's exciting news.

That's in the next hour.

I'd like to share my mouse problems with you folks.

But I just noticed this article in the Independent about Ratatouille and the fact that the success of the Disney movie has increased the sales of rats.

to children.

Children, the sales of rats have gone like up 50%, pet rats, since the movie's been out because all the kids want a rat, like the rat in Ratatouille, and who can blame them?

Because it is a very good film and a nice, cute rat.

Exactly, maybe the kids will be disappointed when the rats can't speak and cook but still they're buying them and rodent experts say they're incredibly responsive to learning and can be taught to do amazing tricks much in the same way that dogs can.

So why wouldn't you buy a rat?

But of course, be careful.

Pets at home warned.

We certainly don't want rats to become the next animal victims of our movie craze, said Mr. Fairburn from Pets at Home.

Everyone saw what happened in the case of Ninja Turtles and the subsequent demand and mistreatment of terrapins and other aquatic reptiles that followed, and we don't want the same thing to start happening with rats.

It's true, isn't it?

Did that happen during the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Oh, yeah.

What happened?

Kids were, like, disappointed that the turtles couldn't do karate.

Yeah.

So they were, like, smashing them against each other.

You're not a hero in a half shell!

You're just a kind of a lump!

Is that what happened?

If maybe there was some problem with a gang on the block, they would throw turtles at them?

That's right.

Good deal with it, turtles!

Kick him in!

Go on!

So what's gonna happen with the rat they're gonna Release kids are gonna release the rats into the kitchen and expect them to cook all they'll do is eat everything in them

plop on it and then give them tuberculosis or something.

Wow.

Anyway, it made me think about strange pets and it reminded me of a story I was told the other day by a friend who told me this story about his sister, right?

So this happened to a friend of mine's sister and she is one of these people who has eccentric pets, a bit like Jonathan Ross and family.

You know, they've got a kind of insane menagerie there.

Exotic pets, they like a quirky pet, right?

Let's call this person Claire, okay?

But we'll spell the name Claire, C-L-E-A-H.

Whatever you want.

Okay.

Anyway, Claire, she's one of these people that keeps exotic pets.

She has a pet python, a big python, right?

And she let this python roam around the house.

She's eccentric.

It was a naturalized, you know, a tame python, whatever you want to call it.

to the extent that she would let the python curl up and sleep at the end of the bed, right?

When she was asleep.

This is a big, long, I don't know, six, seven foot python.

And anyway, Claire was upset because the python, a few weeks back, had stopped eating, right?

It lost its appetite.

It wouldn't eat any of the food that she laid out for it.

She got really worried.

She didn't know what was wrong with it.

She took this python to the vet.

This is a true story, right?

This is not apocryphal.

She took it to the vet and the vet said, don't worry about it.

You know, the python's just a little off colour.

It might have looked like a python cold or whatever.

Just leave it for a while.

Leave it for a week.

If there's no change, come back and see me.

We'll sort the python cold.

Anyway, a few days after the vet visit, Claire wakes up one morning, right, to find the python, still alive, but stretched out in a line and stiff as a board lying next to her.

Like a stick.

Exactly like a stick or a sort of very long romantic partner.

And so she immediately took it back to the vet, right, and described what had happened to the vet.

And the vet says, okay, this snake is no longer your pet.

It's been off its food because it's starving itself in order to eat you.

It's stretching itself out that way because it's measuring you.

That's what they do before they consume their intended prey.

So usually in the jungle they would kill the thing,

and then they would stretch themselves out, just to check the measuring of the situation, then they would start to consume it.

It takes a while.

Wow, I think my cat's doing that.

Is it starving itself?

Well, sometimes I wake up and it's stretched all the way out on the bed.

It's gonna eat you.

With its arms and legs all the way out.

It's going to eat.

Is that what's happening?

But is that a chilling story or what?

That's a chilling story.

What did she do?

Or, hang on, let's leave it as a cliffhanger because we're radio scientists and this is the kind of thing that keeps people listening.

So play a song and we'll find out what happened next after the song, right?

It's not a great cliffhanger.

But anyway, here is Radiohead.

We were speaking about them earlier on and this is a track from their wonderful album, In Rainbows.

How much did you pay for it?

Well, I bought the big box.

Did you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Love the box.

You didn't download it?

I downloaded it.

Well, you get a free download with the big box.

Oh.

So I was happy about it.

And this is one of my favourite tracks.

This is one that's divided Radiohead fans.

Some of them think it's very weak.

I think it's amazing.

And it sounds a little like Prince almost.

One of Prince's sexy songs, I think.

You hear Tom York saying, I don't want to be your friend.

I just want to be your lover.

Not a line that I ever expected to hear from Radiohead.

But man, I love this song.

House of Cards.

Hmm, it's like being on a sexy spaceship, cast adrift in a sexy sea with a sexy alien.

I'd like to look round Chiselhurst Caves with Tommy Hawk.

Don't you think?

Because he'd start going... Everything he said would sound amazing.

Yeah, yeah, there's some good reverb on there.

Yeah, I like that.

House of Cards, that's Radiohead.

From their new album In Rainbows.

Now let's check the situation in the Tex-the-Nation house.

Text-a-nation, text, text, text, text-a-nation.

What if I don't want to?

Text-a-nation.

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter, text!

The text-a-nation situation is thus.

We've had three good ones.

With text-a-nation this week, we're asking people to give us their stories about confrontations they have had with shop staff, altercations with shopkeepers that have got way out of hand, that kind of thing.

Okay, this is from Jim.

Hi, Adam and Joe.

I was in Curry's Digital in Winchester yesterday and there was a man at the counter.

I think he was an ITV executive or something like that.

He was having technical trouble with a TV he'd bought and the shop were unable to help him.

It sounded like this was because the problem was with the aerial.

When he was told he wouldn't be getting any help, he suddenly raised his voice.

and started saying, yes, I will be getting service from this shop because if I don't get the service I want, I will make your lives a living hell.

I think the shopkeepers then caved because they didn't want to suddenly find themselves being featured on the news at 10.

I wish I'd gone over and told him how big a twit he was being.

Jim doesn't use the word twit, but I'm changing it to twit.

So if your listeners find themselves visiting Winchester, they might want to take things into their own hands and start insulting rich looking people.

This would help me because I live in the city and wouldn't be able to get away with it for long.

I don't understand that bit at the end.

I'm gonna make your life a living hell.

Do you think... Do you think any shopkeepers or anyone who's had that threat leveled at them... Did you know that man just threatened to make our lives a living hell?

I don't want... I really don't want my life to become a living hell.

I think I better cave into his demands.

I will make your lives a living hell!

Imagine if your life did just become a living hell and then you really regret it.

Oh, I should never have crossed that guy.

I shouldn't have sold him the telly with the dodgy aerial.

I hate living in hell.

That's quite strong, isn't it really?

Maybe I should have been more like that during my altercation.

That guy got what he wanted.

Do you think he really did work for ITV?

No, why does the guy think he works for ITV?

I don't know, he said he's made a little logical leap there for no earthly reason.

But it does fit with the theme, doesn't it?

Like, if you do work in the media, it's very tempting to try and sort of pull rank and say, look, I've got a show on BBC Six Music, and I'm going to talk about this on air, and your shop's going to lose business and shut down.

Do you think that's what Nicky Campbell does when he goes around?

All the time.

Yeah, look chum, I present Watchdog and unless you want to be featured on the BBC then pull your socks up and sort your life out.

I think he says, watch it dog, I'm the cambler.

Do you think so?

If I was him, that's what I would say.

Yeah.

You're looking at the cambola.

Watch it, dog.

Here's another one from Dan.

It's just an idea.

This says, hi.

Throughout my teenage years, I worked in a variety of different low-level retail jobs.

So most shopkeeper altercations I've been have been from the perspective of the shopkeeper.

I worked in a chip shop and was having a fairly miserable time serving a never-ending line of customers until I came to a group of drunk, middle-aged women who kept insisting that I should smile.

Of course, when you're fed up and angry, the last thing you need is people simply telling you not to be fed up and angry, so I continue to frown at them while they continue to tell me to cheer up, it's not that bad, it might never happen, etc.

In the end, I threw half of their prepared meals onto the counter, threw the chip serving scoop thing on the floor, stormed out of the back of the shop where I sat for about half an hour, being more angry than I think I've ever been in my life before.

You know, this is an interesting thing because he's highlighted a problem there with a lot of particularly British people.

They resent working in the service industry, do you know what I mean?

And they sit there, they feel their individuality is being assailed by their menial position.

Right, so often.

Yeah, you know, and often they do have to endure rudeness and all kinds of tasks that are beneath them in every possible way.

However, they fail to provide the service.

Do you know what I mean?

That they are contracted to provide.

And part of that service is by presenting a smiley demeanor.

This is getting quite serious.

No, but this is a real thing.

Sometimes I know what the guy's saying and I've been in that position before.

It is horrible when people say, come on, cheer up, it might never happen.

That kind of thing.

You do want to smack them.

However, from their point of view, oftentimes, it's a drag to go into a shop and to find some miserable-looking so-and-so serving you.

And you just feel like, God, would a smile kill you?

I'm giving you my custom and I'm not being horrible to you.

Cheer up, you git!

You know what I mean?

So I'm just being devil's advocate.

Yeah, good stuff.

So there we go.

That's Text the Nation.

Keep texting and if you've got really good, I feel we haven't really got the, you know, the king shop altercation.

Right.

We've got time.

Biggest argument.

So keep emailing adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.

I feel as if I was letting that guy down by presenting the other side of the argument.

I'm not like saying that he had no cause to be upset, don't think anyone cares.

Do you reckon?

Or text 64046 if you've got a story.

It's time for some music recorded live last night.

Can you believe that?

The Roundhouse in Camden.

The Queens of Noise are who they are.

What?

Hang on.

It says here, The Queens of Noise come live from the Roundhouse this afternoon.

Okay.

With live music from Noah and the Whale and Kid Harpoon.

Now, are they the same band, Noah and the Whale and Kid Harpoon?

Or do they just happen to have put a kid with a harpoon next to a band with a whale?

And if so, that's not very good for the whale-based band, is it?

It's going to be hauled onto Kid Harpoon's deck and sliced open.

It's not just thrown together.

There you go.

Anyway, this is the Kaiser Chiefs recorded last night live at the Roundhouse.

This is Jet.

There you go.

That was the Kaiser Chiefs playing at last night's Electric Proms, and that was their version of the Wings Track Jet there.

Joe, what are you doing?

You sort of pushed yourself?

Oh, he's eating an apple.

He backed off the mic to his apple.

I was finishing off a mouthful of delicious Royal Galera.

It's just apple.

Now, we've got a few texts saying that my Python story there was an urban myth, an apocryphal tale.

I was assured by the person that told me the story that it was not an urban myth or apocryphal.

And listen, if I have to go... And with all due respect, Adam Buxton.

Yeah.

You have... And with all due respect, you have a tiny Achilles heel for this kind of thing.

Very credulous.

You're quite credulous.

You're Adam's the man who believes he can win holidays.

from scratch cards what come free in magazines that's true yeah sometimes when i get like a pop-up window on my computer saying congratulations you are the uh one millionth visitor to this site you have won a two-week holiday a couple of times i got excited excited which is fair enough and it you know it tells of a sort of innocence and a joie de vivre that's very appealing

It's nice, isn't it?

Yeah, sometimes stories that are pure rubbies do slip through the net and that snake one may well be.

You see, the idea that it sort of stiffened into a stick, this python, and then so what, she carried it into the vet like a pole.

No, it's stiffened at one point, and then when it had relaxed, she took it into the vet and said, listen, I woke up and it had stiffened.

I need some help from someone out there.

We've had one text from Anonymous which is just the words, that's rubbish.

yeah but that's because that's because his mind can't deal with it we've had another one from steve in new romney that says i reckon that story's a myth a mate told me the same story two weeks ago about someone his mate knew in wales well that's probably happened from wales you see steve is actually actually thinks it might be a true story that's come from the same person it could be

It could be Steve, you're right, you're right, you're right.

I'd say the likelihood of that is zero.

It's just natural for six music listeners to be, you know, inquiring and maybe they're, you know, inclined to be a little cynical about these kinds of stories that blow your mind.

Hey, let's let Julian Cope source out this issue by singing us the song, The Greatness and Perfection of Love.

This song contains all the answers to our snake mystery.

It's true, it's true.

BBC.

Six.

Music.

It's like the song.

Wars, it is the song!

Wars, magnificent song!

Wars, song, song, song, song!

It's a battle, bit with two songs!

One song and two songs!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

never gets all that jingle it's horrible it's the second time we've played it horrible and oh dear we're gonna have to sort it out man because you can't hear that week in week out we'll fix it up restoration work during the week this is Adam and Jo on BBC six music thanks for joining us thanks for listening it's not that we're going away or anything don't get excited but we're just saying thank you it's nice to say thanks every now and again you know it's

It's polite.

It's polite and we're here for another like 52 minutes and we're running this amazing new feature called Song Wars.

Adam and I have composed a song each.

We had an email asking us how we actually went about producing the songs.

Don't tell them.

We can't tell you.

But they are genuinely recorded by ourselves.

Yes, they are original compositions.

And we haven't heard one another's song.

We've done them in isolation.

And we'd like you to text in and vote for the one you'd like to hear in full.

Even though it would be true to say that we are going to play both.

Yeah.

No, the thing is, it's an ongoing thing.

You know, we're going to tot up who wins all these things.

And then at the end, there'll be some big prize for one of us.

Well, some of the loser will be punished.

The loser has to suffer.

Otherwise, there's no point in losing.

Well, the loser suffers the humiliation of not being appreciated.

The winner has to win something, otherwise there's no point in winning.

Well, you win respect.

And I get humiliation, because I'm pretty much going to lose this one.

You know what?

Respect is worth winning.

Absolutely.

On the streets, it's the only thing that counts.

That's why I got in a gang.

My whole... I wasn't getting enough respect.

I thought, join a gang.

That's why I do the muggings and stuff.

That's right.

For respect on the street.

It's the only way to survive.

Well, you know, the way I got out of gangs is by doing the music.

Really?

Yeah, because I wanted respect.

Hip-hop and football, they're the only way out of gangs.

The whole song, my song, Four Foot Club, is all about looking for respect and, you know, it says I'm too diminutive to be in charge and I want respect like Napoleon or Danny DeVito.

Can we hear that clip again?

Oh yeah!

I'm ready to solve, but my dreams are lost.

If you're feeling that I'm losing, then you're just a fear, just I want to see.

You know?

Respect like a pony.

Like Napoleon.

I may be small but my dreams are large.

It's exactly that kind of oh-ho-ho type attitude that the whole song is about giraffe man.

This is a song we're about height listeners in case you're just joining us.

Adam's song there is about being diminutive in height because Adam's on the lower side and I'm on the raised up side.

He's in the mic.

And here's a clip from my song.

If you want to hear Adam's song in full, text Adam to 64046.

If you want to hear my song in full, text Joe to 64046.

Here's a clip of my song about being tall.

So it's not necessarily to hear the song, because we're gonna play them both.

But it's who, which song you think is better?

That's as simple as that.

Which one do you want to win?

Which is a better song?

Yeah, it's a song war, man.

Because this is six music.

Everyone who listens is serious about music.

They have good listening skills, you know?

Ears.

So there we go.

Music time now, proper music time now, is it?

Can we just say that text number once again?

And can I remind listeners that mine is slightly better and that I need some votes, because I'm not getting no votes at the moment.

Where are the votes at the moment, Jude?

You're not even counting them, are you?

Will is counting them.

I'd say they're... Right, we want proper statistics here, please.

We want actual numbers.

Joe's way ahead.

This is Adam speaking.

I need some votes now.

Text Adam to... What's the number?

64023.

No, don't say that.

Come on, six... Sorry, that's the wrong number.

64046.

64046, text Adam or Joe according to who you think is done the best one.

Adam, text Adam, text Adam now, please.

That was Duke Spirit with Lassoo!

Uh, incorrectly spelt.

Is that the way you spell Lassoo?

No, maybe it is the way you spell Lassoo.

L-A-S-L-O.

Let's forget about that, no one cares.

Listen, song wars, right?

Yeah, John is upset now.

During that last track, after...

You know, I predicted this would happen during your sort of simpering underdog act.

Now you've had a sudden spurt.

All I did was galvanize people who are naturally attracted to my music to get on and text.

The thing is that... What's the score now, Jude?

I think it's 26.15.

26.15 to who?

To me.

To you, Joe.

So you're still way ahead, man.

I don't, I really, I don't, I'd love your song to win.

You know, you're my best friend, I like you a lot.

I think everything you do is Brills.

McGill's.

Yeah.

Right.

But I think it's bad for you if people are voting for you.

Just out of sympathy, it teaches you the wrong approach to life.

Hey, hey, hey.

You'll get, you know, you'll come a cropper later in life.

Giraffe boy, it's okay.

That's not what's happening.

It's fine.

Hey, I call myself a man giraffe.

You can't say it back to me.

They are, they're voting for the track.

They consider most witwoks.

They don't know what WICKWOCKS means.

They do.

They know exactly what it means.

WICKEDY WOCKS.

WICKLE WOCKLES.

And they are thinking, you know what?

Adam's track does sound WICKWOCKS.

I'm going to text in and express that fact right now.

Just because you're shorter, they think you're some sort of little furry animal.

We'll find out what happens.

We've got another hour and... No, no, we only have 45 seconds.

Oh my gosh, the winner in about half an hour.

Text 64046, text either Adam or Joe, depending on which song you want to hear.

The short song, Curse of Adam.

Now the question of whether my Python story from earlier on was apocryphal or not rages on as a point of debate in the text forum.

However, all I can tell you is that I, credulously or not, believed it to be true when it was told to me by a friend who assured me it was not apocryphal.

Someone says on there that, oh yeah, I heard Russell Brand, he read the story out from the Metro the other week.

Well, consider this.

Maybe the Metro were covering the story that I'm talking about.

Yeah?

Maybe it was a news story and I just happened to hear it from the brother of the person it actually happened to.

What about that?

It's not likely, but it's possible.

Anyway, here's a story that did happen to me.

This is...

Uh, this is genuine and it's not a story so much, it's just a problem I'm having.

I keep getting mouse infestations in my house where I live, uh, a mouse house.

And, you know, after several unsuccessful attempts to destroy the mice and everything they stand for, they are back in, in Bucky Land.

And, uh, you can tell they're back, right?

How can you tell the mice around you?

because of the tiny little black mouse droppings or nonsense as I call them and the mouse nonsense is sprinkled all over the cereal cupboard and they're right it is nonsense yeah yeah it's mouse nonsense rejected nonsense exactly

And, you know, this is obviously distressing from our hygiene point of view, but of course it's most especially troublesome when it comes to breakfast, because they tend to really go for the cereals and stuff and then leave their nonsense.

And I enjoy a bowl of organic muesli from time to time, okay?

And do you mistake the mouse nonsense for hearty grains?

Well, this is the

You know, the other day, when I poured the milk into my organic muesli, I was mortified to discover, floating on the top of the milk, separated from the rest of the muesli, where it had lain, camouflaged, a little flotilla of mouse nuts.

Now revolted, obviously, and freaked out because, you know, I was just about to tuck into this little poo bowl.

I chucked the whole thing down the waste disposal, even though I don't have one, and opened up a brand new packet of muesli that I had in standby for just this occasion.

However, when I poured the milk into the muesli, it looked

pretty much the same that time.

So the thing is, I'm now paranoid, you know, the seeds and the mouse nonsense look very similar.

So now I can't really eat anything vaguely seedy during the infestation.

Do you know what I mean?

The whole muesli thing is off the menu because I just, I can't guarantee that the little mice haven't gone in there and left there.

You know, it's probably good for you.

why mouse gibberish really yeah it's probably the kind of thing they should put in the muesli anyway yes yeah slice some banana mm-hmm couple of straws they carry a lot of diseases though mice you know they really do they love disease it inoculates you the right amount of mouse

you reckon you could buy them from holland and barrett or whatever i think holland and barrett do do little jars of of mouse thoughts mouse nonsense yeah that's interesting well that's just i just wanted to share that with you right now this is a track that joe's picked out yeah yeah this is from a talib quoi what how do you say his name say it

Talib Quele.

Quele.

I like him.

I don't know how to say his name, but this is a really good album, what he's done.

Now, this is a song called Hot Thing.

It features Will I Am, who's from the Black Eyed Peas, right?

And he's usually that kind of man that might make you feel a bit depressed and sad about things, generally.

It's because of his antics.

Is he a bit like Wyclef?

He is, yeah.

I don't know.

When he comes onto the telly or into the room, you just feel like doing something else, usually.

But he's done a good one.

Well done.

Yeah, I love this song.

This is called Hot Thing by Talib Kwale, and will I am?

Oh, dear listeners.

Now, this is the instrumental version of Hot Thing by Talib Kwale that frankly doesn't sound very impressive.

It sounds like a man in a beatbox.

Nice, nice little trap there.

There was no need to talk about where I am.

There you go.

There's how it goes.

Go on, do more.

I don't know the word.

That kind of thing, you know?

Who loaded in the instrumental version?

Well, at this point, listeners, we should introduce you to Will, who is our sort of kind of technical backup man.

Let's see Will's face.

How do I move your head a bit?

There he is.

He's looking not ashamed enough.

No, because Will loaded the only version that was available to him.

Really?

Do you not listen to the tracks first, Will?

Well, he was thinking you wanted an instrumental track.

How did he know that it was the rapping you were into?

I tell you what, next week we'll play the one with the rapping in it.

yes yes yes sorry man everything conspires against oh don't star you're gonna win the song wars what more do you want you know I'm gonna win the song

Now this is Adam and Jo on Six Music by the way.

That won't happen again listeners.

No, no.

I promise you.

Don't you promise Will?

That won't happen again, will it?

He's saying yes it will.

Okay, this is a track from a Six Music Hub session.

This is the wonderful Frank Black with I Burn Today.

You know, the other person they could have had playing on the bill with, uh, Noah and the Well and, uh, what are the harp- Kid Harpoon.

Kid Harpoon would be Seal.

It's true, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, and then Kid Harpoon could- could Club Seal to death?

Well, that they could call- no, what are you- what are you- Hey.

Hey, that's what they do with- with Seals, man.

Yeah, I know.

Oh.

Well, what were you going to say?

I was going to say that.

This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.

As you know, we're in the middle of an exciting new feature called Song Wars, where a song composed by me goes up against a song composed by Adam and you, the listeners vote.

And because we both, you know, genuinely separately wrote and recorded these songs, we feel quite passionate.

Well, Joe's already got it, but he's taken it all very personally, I think.

I'm quite upset because I was clearly winning in the lead, and then this is exactly what happened on the Breakfast Show.

But this is Adam cleverly positioned himself as the underdog, and now it's 33 to 31.

But this is what happens.

This is what happens with votes, man.

It's not like a question of a sympathy thing.

You know, you think that it's just me preying on people's sympathy and saying, come on, please pay for me, because my foot hurts.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

No, it's not.

People out there are just, you know, they're listening to their songs, they're purely voting for this.

It's not a popularity contest, Joe Cornish.

This is all about the music, yeah?

And I know that.

And so all I'm saying is that the people that voted for my song, Four Foot Club, which is about being small,

Just took a little longer to get their votes in and now you're all upset about come on tallies out there mobile.

This isn't about the music Yeah, this isn't about you and me.

This is about tall people versus short people.

Listen, let's have one more reminder This is the last reminder.

We're gonna play you of what we're talking about right now There are clips from the tracks and the next time we hear these it'll be the end of the show and we will have a winner Okay, now here's four-foot club Oh, yeah, I made this all but my dreams are large and sick of feeling that I'm soothing in your teeth

Rock, rockalocious, and now here's a little bit from DJ Nippy Nips.

These songs are longer obviously, not that much.

No, they're both clocking at just under a minute.

But, you know, they're both great, both very different genres.

So text 64046, text Adam if you want to hear the Short People song, or Joe if you want to hear the Tall People song, 64046.

And we'll play both the Losing song and the Winning song a bit later.

But what we're going to do is week in, you know, week on week, we'll tot up who is getting the most winning votes on these things.

And then the loser person will have some sort of forfeit, a humiliating forfeit.

You've got an idea for a forfeit, listeners.

You could email us that.

The other thing you could do, listeners, actually, in this last half hour is suggest a theme for next week's Song Wars, okay?

So we kicked it off this week with a theme we chose ourselves, which was height.

Can you think of a good theme for myself and Joe to compose songs on for next week's Song Wars?

There's a lot to do.

There's a lot for the listeners to do.

There is.

You've got to vote for your favourite song.

You've got to suggest a theme as well.

Listen, you don't have to do any of this.

You can just sit back and relax and make yourself a cocktail, have a bath.

I don't care.

But if you want to get involved, I'm just saying this is the option.

You could suggest a theme.

But coming up right now on 6 Music here at the BBC, the big British castle, we have the news, which is read to you by Rachel Matthew and Andre Payne.

The strokes.

They're so hot right now.

That was called Someday.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

And now, folks, if you're a regular listener of our shows and you are curious about what the podcast situation was going to be from these programmes,

Let me tell you now that we haven't exactly nailed down the details, but I can tell you that it won't be a weekly podcast that we're doing from this show.

You have the option to listen again if you choose to, which means, you know, you can listen to the show whenever you like.

I think that stays up for a week or two.

Yeah, one week.

You just go to the BBC 6 Music website and there you go.

Or the other option that we're discussing is to do something monthly which will be a sort of selection of highlights from these programs as well as brand new nuggets.

Oh, I love new nuggets.

I love it.

Delicious new nuggets.

And that'll be something like a big one-hour bumper podcast that comes out once a month.

But once- We haven't quite figured out.

We haven't quite thrashed up.

I've nailed down the, uh... Yeah, we're talking to worldwide about that.

That's right.

Um, yeah, there'll be some meetings next week.

But once we find out, we'll keep you in the loop.

Absolutely.

You can always check what's going on on my website, which is Adam-Buckston.co.uk.

Or, uh, you can check out the Adam and Jo Six Music website as well.

What's the address for that?

Well, you can find it by just going onto the BBC website.

It's easy.

Hey, and we're here until noon, and then Liz Kershaw's back, uh, from 12 till 2, uh, which is exciting.

So she'll be here.

Stay tuned for that.

Now, I just, I'm just looking at the independence, uh, the information magazine.

Do you like the information, Joe?

I have no emotions about the independence information magazine.

Do you like information in general?

I love information.

It keeps me informed.

Yeah.

That's true.

Absolutely.

That's a good point.

When you work in the city, like I do, it's important to be up to date with inform...

You know, you've got the end of the word there.

There you go.

Now, they've got like a little film recommendation.

Things, if you're staying in, they say films on television.

It's helpful.

And they do a rundown, all the films to watch out for every day of the week here.

But I'm always slightly upset and baffled by the rating system they employ in these things.

Now, the Independent use a rating system that I think they stole from Hello!

magazine involving a lady in... Do they?

Is it a lady in a chair?

Is it just stars?

stars I'm just worried about this my favorite rating system is a silhouette of a lady in a chair and they used to use it in hello do you remember in the 80s if it's a boring film she's slumped in her chair she hates it this is boring and it's like an office the interesting she's set up going

What is this?

Yeah.

If it's really quite good, she's sat forward, I believe, with her chin held in her hand going, and this has drawn me slightly closer to the screen.

And if she loves it, she's standing up and clapping.

Hooray for the new series of Prank Suspect!

That kind of thing.

But I don't think Hello do it anymore.

And I think a daily newspaper has stolen it.

Who is that woman in that chair?

It's my mum.

It's your mum?

It's my mum, yeah.

She's the model for that one.

She's got great taste.

I thought you were going to say something else there for a second.

She's got great views as well.

Now, so, yeah, the Independent, they just use red stars.

And so, for example, Blue Velvet, which is on at 10.45pm on Sky Movies Indie next Thursday night, that gets five red stars.

Right, so.

but rightly so.

Dead Man's Shoes, Shane Meadows' grimly-crippin' Gorilla Roots drama, which is also on Thursday on Film 4 at 10.50pm.

That gets four red stars.

Wrongly so.

I'd say that also deserves five.

I would give that five.

Easily.

It's not one star worse than Blue Velvet.

Okay, Sunday, this coming Sunday, tomorrow night, Star Wars, I don't know if you've seen this film, Star Wars, directed by George Lucas, it says, the American graffiti director's laser-targeted space opera packs more drive and charm than its CGI stunted prequels.

The mix of background mythologies with Mark Hamill's game hero, Harrison Ford's space rogue, Alec Guinness's old sage and Carrie Fisher's funny hair,

provide fairytale fun for young or helplessly nostalgic viewers.

Three stars.

Three stars for Star Wars.

Well, you know what they're doing?

They're provoking genuine Star Wars.

Star Wars.

They want people to get angry about their star rating, so they'll have a taste of Star Wars.

Meanwhile, me, you and everyone we know, and Spellbound, both perfectly reasonable films, they get four stars each.

Better than Star Wars.

Better than Star Wars?

I'm not having that.

Come on.

You know?

And Videodrome, that gets four stars as well.

Anyway.

You're just reading from the paper now.

Yeah.

That's true, isn't it?

Now, okay.

Music time.

And after this, folks, we are going to announce who has won the Song Wars.

Okay, that's why I was thinking about Star Wars.

But before that, here is the new single from the Foo Fighters album.

Echoes, Patience, Silence, Grace, Arithmetic, Cellotape.

This is called Long Road to Ruin, and it's a beach!

Oh dear, horrible.

The sound is particularly bad mixed in with the end of the Foo Fighters there.

I should disgrace.

Horrible, horrible stuff.

We're gonna prove that for next week.

You'll never have to hear that again.

Even if it means that we have to rename the feature, do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

To give it some different jingle action because that is horrible.

So this is it listeners, this is the end of the first ever inaugural song wars competition.

If you've just tuned in Adam and Joe, Adam and I have written a song each.

What a terrible development.

Very good.

Yeah, we've written songs anyway, and you've been voting for which one you want to hear.

And it's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

We decided that next week, because what happened this week, right, folks, is that Will and also Jude told us as we were going along what the scores were, right?

Yeah.

And that immediately pitted myself and Joe against each other.

In a hideous, personal way.

Like a couple of rabid queens.

trannies you know and so what's gonna happen next week is that we it'll be a total mystery we won't have any idea of who's winning until I just arranged what I said to will next week at the end of the show bring the scores in in a sealed envelope yeah yeah love envelopes being opened live well get seal to bring in the envelope in a seat seal with a sealed envelope yeah

That's a good idea.

Do you think he'll do it?

Yes.

He lives in Paris.

He could sing a kiss from a rose beforehand.

He could.

And then he could announce the winner.

Let's organise that.

But for this week, I'm afraid we're without seal or a sealed envelope.

So instead, we're just going to have Jude, our sexy producer, say what the scores are.

But first, here we go.

Yeah, let's stand.

Oh, I'm excited.

in second place with 36 votes.

Let it be Joe, let it be Joe.

Please don't let it be Adam.

It's Adam.

Well I'm a member of the Fall Foot Club.

I always have a lot of trouble getting sucked into the pub.

I got a job keying tubes and a nuclear sub.

Cause I'm the only one that fits inside.

Oh yeah, I'm in this bar but my dreams are large and people fear that I'm freezing in your tips again.

Yeah?

I might be small but my dreams are large!

Yes!

you should have won man that was good you was rough that was really good oh yeah well so dense and it was too dense that's the thing i think that might have been the the problem because mine's a bit sparser than that exactly i've got it next time i'm going to go sparse whatever it is i don't know but there you go that was that was the losing one so short people have have lost generally i know

It was really good.

You know what I think we should do is release an album.

We should release an album.

If we do this for... How many tracks do you need for an album?

Three.

No, come on.

For a Norman album.

It used to be like 14, didn't it?

Or 12.

Our tracks are going to be a lot shorter.

They're going to be about one minute.

The Ramones used to...

to very short songs.

Some of their songs were like, their first album was 14 tracks and 28 minutes.

After 10 weeks, we'll have 20 songs.

Yes.

Enough for an album, isn't it?

It is enough for an album.

Yeah.

20 songs.

We're going to be rich.

Well.

I'm not so sure.

So here's the winning song with how many votes?

55.

You have to have the ignominy Adam of introducing my song.

That's your punishment.

What's more, you've got to sound really excited about it.

All right.

I am excited, you know, because this is a brilliant track by one of my favorite artists.

Hey, hey, hey, come on.

That doesn't sound as if you mean it.

I'm very upset.

Here's DJ nippy nips.

Yay with a track called what's it called?

It's called tall tall ta double L. Do you know what it stands for?

Yeah, but I've forgotten The tallies are Laughing long maybe something like that.

Anyway DJ nippy nips.

Here's the winning track This is Joe Cornish with his song

I'm six foot three and a half, you know That's the heart I go, and my name is Cho Too tall to fit in a photograph Or a standard bath, I'm a man giraffe Damn airplanes, these are too small for me I get DVT in economy Change light bulbs without a chair at all In the Albert Hall, I'm a sender ball

Hit my head a whole lot more than y'all I'm a human wall, I've got far to fall Do I look like Robert Duval at all?

Cuz I'm tally tall, I'm not smally small My clothing has more material I'm inferior, cuz I'm really tall My close friends tend to be rather small I don't mind at all, it's acceptable So sing this song if you're six foot one Or Jeff Goblin, or Dolph Lundgren I'm six foot three and a half, you know That's the height I go, and my name is Joe

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, can I just say a couple of things though?

Middle eight?

Question mark?

Chorus?

Question mark?

Where were they?

Yeah, the past grandad.

Kids don't want that sort of thing anymore, they just want hardcore lyrics and a

Mac in fourth club in the space of 45 seconds had our first verse a chorus but come on that was just an outro coda section I assemble that song from elements of on garage band listen that the lyrics were good there but

Well, there you go.

Don't forget to text in your suggestions for themes for next week's Song Wars.

In fact, don't text them listeners, because the text doesn't function when we're off air.

It does, but just for other DJs.

Email us at our special email address, Adamandjo.6music, at bbc.co.uk, with suggestions for next week's theme.

And we should stress that there's a possibility we may not use one of your suggestions and just go with one of our own.

Listen, we don't want like a whole cookie sock blue piece of situation happening.

No.

Okay, so I just want to lay it out for you just so we're all clear.

But we will value your suggestions and already we've got a few good ones in.

I'm thinking public transport is a very good suggestion.

It's a very good one.

Who was it from?

It's a very good person.

Thank you, person.

Now, it's time for a trail and no, it's not.

Oh, I'm looking at the wrong box.

And funnily enough, this next track is called The Box by Johnny Flynn.

That's just a guy that was playing outside the tube as I came into work today using a biscuit tin as a drum.

We thought he was good, so we stuck him on there.

Not really.

It was Johnny Flynn with the Sussex wits with a track called The Box.

He's actually going to be playing on Stephen Merchant's show next weekend, not tomorrow.

Yeah, next Sunday.

Sunday week, in fact.

Yeah, that was good.

And it reminded me a little bit of a band called the Ralph Band, who fans of the Mighty Boosh would be familiar with.

They often pop up in the Boosh's shows and play live at some of their gigs.

Check out the Ralph Band, that's my suggestion.

Hey, and if... Sorry to interrupt you there, Adam.

Go ahead.

I do apologise.

If you liked either of our songs, what we played a moment ago, then they will be available to listen to on the BBC 6 Music, Stroke, Adam and Joe website.

until next week when, if we get round to it, there'll be two new songs.

Thing is, man, if they're available on the website, people are gonna just keep them and then they won't buy the album.

Maybe we're gonna have to put some kind of DRM, you know, some kind of thing where they wipe themselves or something.

Right, or emit a very high-pitched squeal.

They're being painful to listen to.

Exactly.

They've got like inbuilt, what's it called?

You know, you know what I'm talking about.

I've run out of words, which is handy because it's the end of the show.

Yeah.

Liz Kershaw coming up next.

Hey, thanks a lot to everybody who's texted an email here on our first show.

We'll be back at the same time next week, Saturday morning, 9 a.m.

till noon.

Till noon.

We're delighted to be here.

Thanks a lot.

And have a wonderful week.

Yeah.

Cheerio.

Bye.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.

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