The Adam and Joe Archive - 20080105_090000_bbc6m_adam_and

Six Music.

Today from Two.

John Holmes.

From Midday.

Liz Kershaw.

And now, it's Adam and Joe.

Sunday Sunday, here again, tidy in tyre You read the colours, supplement the TV guy You dream of protein on a plate Regret your legs and quite the life To gather the family round the table To read and anticipate Oh, the sun

walk in

The chiral supplement, the TV guy You dream of protein, I play Regret you left it quite so late To gather the family round the table To eat them up to sleep Our mother's pride, your reputee That extra slice, your soon regret So going out is your best bet Then figure yourself to sleep Oh that's Santa

There you go, that was Blur with Sunday Sunday, getting us off to an exciting indie pop style start here on BBC6 Music.

It's the new year.

Happy New Year, Joe!

Hey, thanks a lot.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year listeners as well.

I'm just making some notes in my notebook about material that I'm gonna be using later in the show.

What kind of material have you got there, a bit of corduroy?

No written material.

Some gags.

Some routines.

Yeah, good one.

Were you watching the... It'll be the first time we've ever used a gag or a routine.

That's true, actually.

Well, I used the gag once, but it went down so badly that I vowed never to do it again.

Were you watching the 100 greatest catchphrases, 50 greatest... How many?

Three minutes of it.

three minutes which three minutes did you get which catchphrase porridge uh the one before porridge porridge is all i remember what what was somebody explaining the the roots of the phrase naff naff yeah yeah yeah what was the catchphrase from porridge uh you're banged up now something like that get it

Would you like some porridge?

It was naff off.

Naff off!

Yeah.

Right.

Anyway, we've got great stuff coming up in the show.

Sorry to change the subject.

No, quite right.

I only had 49 other catchphrases to talk about, but you carry on later.

We've got Text the Nation coming up.

We've got The Return of Song Wars after its kind of Christmas confusion.

We did something like

three pre-records for the Christmas period and some of them are dipped in quality so we apologise to any listeners who might have noticed that but things are going to be back to their award-winning best.

We haven't actually won the award yet no but all that to look forward to and of course great music coming up.

folks you know this is the place for great music uh and we're gonna play some right now this is you love this one joe i do like this one he's gonna be big this year it's a very exciting new talent ladies and gentlemen and uh who knows what he could achieve by the end of february this is jay-z with rock boys and when there's hope my man speech first of all one bank my connect

to the duffel bag, the brown paper bag, the Nike shoe box for holding all this cash.

work across state for a gentleman yeah thanks to all the hustlers and most importantly you the customer the rock boys in the building tonight oh what a feeling i'm feeling like you don't even gotta bring your paper out we the dope boys of the year drinks is on the house the rock boys in the building tonight look at how i'm chilling i'm killing this ice you don't even gotta bring your purses out we the dope boys of the year drinks is on the house

Red Porsches, Red Portraits Rick, you dare come near the fortress?

This apple sauce is from the apple orchard This kind of talk is only reserved for the bosses Which means I get it from the crown Which means you get it when I'm around Rich, black bar mitzvahs Mozart, it's a celebration behind I wish for you a hundred years of success, but it's my time Cheers, toast to crime, number one deal

Hobi's home.

Lukey, baby.

Yes, that's very funny, Jay-Z, yeah.

No, that's silly.

Please don't hurt me.

That's American gangster music right there.

Hooby's home.

No, Holby's home.

Holby?

Holby City?

Someone's bought the DVDs of Holby City.

Exactly.

Jay-Z's excited.

He's waving them in.

He's standing there in the doorway.

Holby's home.

We're going to watch a lot of Holby City tonight.

You know what?

You don't even have to get your purses out.

What?

I think he's talking about giving away free rocks.

Oh.

That's how he gets everybody buying his rocks.

You know I got a new purse for Christmas.

I thought you were going to say you got some free rocks for Christmas.

I know I never got no rocks.

That's what I wanted.

Christmas crackle.

I wanted some.

Crackling.

Christmas crackling.

I didn't get none.

Not a single one.

That's what I wanted.

Didn't get it.

I got a wallet.

I asked for a wallet.

Is it?

Yeah.

And it's.

What?

Is it?

What are you saying?

I'm only using it for the kids.

Is it?

Kids only understand that kind of thing.

Is that what they say?

Is it?

Yeah.

They don't say that.

We will have attracted some because of that Jay-Z track.

I got a wallet, listen.

I'm trying to tell- Will you shut up?

What I said was-

What were you gonna say?

Tru-say.

Yeah, anyway, keep talking.

Well, there's no point.

There's no point in me.

Go on, I wanna hear about the wallet.

No, you don't wanna hear about the wallet.

To be honest, it can't... How can it be interesting, a wallet?

Well, you'll never know.

Now you'll never know.

Okay?

No, I was gonna say I got a wallet, right, listeners.

And, uh, it was, uh, it was just not what I wanted.

Alright?

There you go, I was right all along.

Here, tell us about this track you've chosen.

It's by Vampire Weekend.

They're going to be one of the hot bands to watch for the new year.

You know, do you find that exciting or depressing when people predict what are going to be the hot things?

Exciting, exciting.

Optimistic about the new year.

Yeah.

Yeah, very positive.

You like scanning all the... New black president in the US, hopefully.

Either that or a lunatic.

Which one's the lunatic?

Huckabee.

That's just my opinion.

Yeah.

So it's exciting.

You know, lots of good new music this year.

There's gonna be I got a wallet for Christmas.

I don't know if you know, but this is vampire weekend with a punk.

I guess I'd drink what's gone, say oh

There you go.

That's Vampire Weekend with Apunk.

What were you saying, Jude?

That it's Apunk or...?

Apunk.

Yeah, that's what I said, isn't it?

Yeah, Apunk.

There you go.

And that's going to be a hot band for this year, apparently.

It's been predicted.

But they're good.

I've listened to some of their stuff and they're excellent.

That's good news.

Yeah, good.

It's good to have good bands be hot rather than bad ones and really rotten ones.

Yeah.

I agree.

So coming up quite soon, listeners, we're going to be unveiling this week's Song Wars.

We've got no last week's Song Wars to announce the winner of because we took care of that in one of the many complicated extra New Year's Eve shows.

But the theme for this week's Song Wars is ringtones.

Ringtone madness.

It's going to be our attempt to get you guys basically to create a ringtone so powerful that everyone who listens to this show has to have it on their phone.

Well, we're not asking them to create one.

Are we?

Is that what I said?

Yeah.

I meant us.

We're going to create it, but it's going to be so good that you're all going to want to have it on your phones.

Yeah, that's true.

And it's so far, this would be a no money making exercise, isn't it?

No.

If there was any money made, it would go to charity.

Right.

But we'll take care of giving it to charity.

Which charity?

Trust us.

Which charity would you give yours to?

I don't know.

Probably Poppy Day.

Poppy Day.

Yeah.

Mine would be something to do with children.

Really?

Yeah.

Because poor kids.

I really feel for the children.

Yeah, they're so small and they can't go on the good roller coasters and stuff.

They can't really reach anything.

No.

So that's what I would mainly be.

To extend their arms.

Trying to give them things to clip onto their arms.

Yeah.

With sort of hooks on the end.

Lovely.

So, you know, it's a dream.

And that's coming up very shortly, folks.

In fact, after this, I think we're going to unveil Song Wars.

But first, we've got a trail for you.

What do you hope for the trail?

What do you hope will be in the trail?

Oh, my hopes for 2008 trails.

I hope there's going to be lots of microphone effects on voices.

Yeah.

You know, in the middle of a sentence, it might go coming up on sex music, like just the last two words as if they're through a megaphone.

Yeah.

Some words processed as if they're through a telephone.

Uh-huh.

and hopefully just clips of exciting music behind them and lots of little clips of people laughing.

You don't really know why they've laughed.

Right, right.

Here we go.

Fingers crossed.

BBC6 music.

The story of the people behind the hits.

the record producers.

We wanted to tailor make songs, just like you go to tailor get a suit made.

Each artist, the songs were written especially for them.

Tonight, Richard Allenson and Steve Levine look at the work of the Godfathers of Philly Soul, Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff.

It was unbelievable the performances that they would give.

Sweat be coming off, I'm gonna take the shirts off.

Originally on Radio 2, the program features additional material looking at the Gamble and Huff partnership.

Every act that Kenny and Leon produced had learned their craft before they went into the studio.

The record producers, Gamble and Huff, tonight from 9.30.

Oh, there we go.

They did it at the end.

That was pretty solid though.

Yeah, that was a conventional.

That was a proper big British castle trailer.

It was a good trail.

None of that faffing around.

For a show that would be interesting to you.

Absolutely.

That you like all that stuff, isn't it?

Gamble and huff.

I enjoy them a lot.

Nice bit of gambling and huffing.

Sounds great.

Okay, now it's time for Song Wars.

After this next track, folks, this is Those Dancing Days with Hitten.

Who will win the song wars today?

Perhaps it will be Adam.

Or it could be church.

Be the one.

You'll be the one who decides.

By texting or repaying.

When you hear the clips.

I thought we'd go with that jingle this time as a little counterpoint to what's bound to be fairly annoying and jarring and well you know ringtones are all about sticking in the mind in a very catchy way aren't they yes the key is to be really annoying irritating is it mmm itchy I found but have you ever actually used a ring have you ever downloaded a ringtone and had it on your phone like what's the current ringtone your phone it's just a one of the standard one of the standard one yeah you know what I put I put the ones that I did for the show in there did you yeah did you

I thought about it and then I decided not to.

Listeners stroke customers, I can tell you, you know, I can demonstrate how mine sound on an actual phone.

Yeah.

You know, we'll play them in proper stereophonic first, but then for that added, you know, incentive, I can demonstrate how they sound all tinny on the bus.

Yeah.

And they sound good.

Do you know what?

I was going to do that on mine, but I've got an iPhone.

do you now yeah so it would have sounded too good really that's true they've got like amazingly good speakers those like wicked speakers really yeah really it's not is that an iphone that's an iphone wow look at that he's got a little leather case there i clipped it on

and it's got a big bit of plastic that I put on the cover to protect it.

Don't you have to pay like £400 a month to O2 for that thing?

And can you not only get access to the internet in 5% of the country?

I'm just being negative because I'm jealous.

No, you can get it everywhere.

It's wicked.

Really?

Yeah, it's really wicked.

And I... what was I saying?

what was the other thing you said it costs a lot of money oh yeah no no because i was already i was already on there of course listeners there are many other phones available and uh but no other phones that make you look like such a punt uh genius such a genius sorry i chose the wrong word he's very jealous can you hear about jealousy seeping out there anyway listen song wars um

ringtones.

Now listen, I heard that you've come in with about nine of them or something.

I did, basically, I did some very short ringtones.

That's, well... And they were only about 20 seconds because I thought they needed to be pithy.

And the more I did them, the kind of better I thought I got at it.

I started out trying to do a kind of a non-hateful ringtone that would be soft and kind of soothing and that you'd like to hear and that was flattering.

then I realised that was a bit wrong.

Right.

So I went for a more funky one, then I realised that was a bit wrong and I went for purely irritating.

So are you just doing the sounds?

like because no mine have got vocals yours have got vocals yeah but you're approaching it more from a sort of brian eno startup noise standpoint no no no no because that's is there not a definite unless brian eno's ill there is is there not a distinction between a ringtone and a sort of alert noise like because a lot of people now their ringtone is like a whole song yeah so that's what i was assuming that we were going to do cool but you brought in three you're not allowed to bring in three that's not fair

They're very short ones, though.

Not fair!

Let's hear yours first and we'll see how many I need to deploy.

I don't think so.

Let's hear yours first.

If you've got three, that is going to be useless.

If I play mine and then it's just a complete tidal wave of Joe Cornish ringtones, then that is prejudicial.

They're only short.

I'll play you a teaser.

So, dude, play number two.

So this is a funky one.

So imagine your phone going off and you hear this.

Go, shoot.

Your funky mother is your telephone ringing.

But not for too long because you might get cancer.

So that's quite good, isn't it?

What if they're ringing for longer than that?

It just starts again.

It loops.

Right, right, right.

Which is even more irritating, which is even better.

I suppose.

So that's quite short.

You see, if I'd just bought that in, it would have been a little bit insubstantial, I felt.

Well, that was the whole point.

You were the one that lobbied for ringtones, because you said, oh, no, we're going to have to do all that work.

It's going to be New Year's.

Let's hear your one.

This is how he operates, listeners.

This is the absolutely dishonest way that Joe Cornish operates these scams.

OK, come on.

All right.

Well, this is not fair that you are allowed to play one and then just sandwich the whole thing.

It's a competition.

OK.

And you are not playing by the rules.

Alright, well this is mine.

This is like a whole ludicrous thing that's not gonna win.

Come on, here we go.

I don't know why I bother, come on.

You've got a call coming in.

It's exciting.

Perhaps it's from an actor or a model.

Or maybe Russell Brand.

It's from someone at work saying why?

Ain't you done all your work?

Just let it ring, it'll go to voicemail In a second they can leave a chippy message Which you're welcome to ignore Any way you've got this ring turned into

But not now, you've got to have a flipping song to express yourself.

Before you answer your phone That's an odd voice phone So that's the song, you see you would never hear the end What accent is that?

That's just an accent Generally the song would cut off after the first I don't know how many, well people usually answer their phones very quickly but the logic of that one is that people would be so delighted with it they would just let it ring They would even switch off their voicemail in order for the song to get to the end Yeah

So shall we hear your 200 ones now?

There's only two others, and the third one I wasn't going to play at all.

So yeah, why don't we play, why don't we hear my other one?

This is the super irritating one.

All right, you ready for it?

This is number one.

Yeah, number one please.

Fun call, hey fun call, you have got a telephone call.

Ring ring, telephone call, someone wants to telephone you.

Ring ring, telephone call, talking on a telephone someone is trying to call you.

Yeah.

So this is how it sounds actually through.

Imagine that on the bus.

Well, they're not just to take issue with some of the lyrics.

They don't want to, they are telephoning you.

That's like having someone saw your brain really slowly.

They don't want to telephone you.

They are telephoning you.

So I take issue with that.

It just doesn't make any sense.

It makes no sense.

What about the other one?

What, this one?

No, not that one.

Not that one.

I don't think we want to hear the other one.

Well, the other one's even worse than the telephone call one.

No, it's not as irritating.

It just goes in a different direction.

What a sexy direction.

OK, but play it.

Play number three, then.

It's not very good.

I didn't want to play this one.

Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt whatever you're doing.

But you are so popular, your phone.

goes off the whole time with people all desperate to hear your opinions on subjects and matters and invite you round to their houses for parties with ladies the invitations are relentless sometimes it can be

You don't want that.

What you want is this.

Are you going to nail your colours to the mask then, Joe?

Are you going with that ringtone?

Can I bundle my ringtones one and two into a kind of twin pack?

No.

And I can't.

Jude's laying down the law.

I've got to pick one of them.

I get punished for making extra effort.

Punish for cheating, I think you're fine.

Okay, I tell you which one I'm going for.

This is exciting, isn't it?

Listen, it's suspenseful.

Yeah, I'm gonna have a little think.

I think I'll go for this one.

Cheating.

Right.

Right, that's my one.

Okay, well, we'll remind you of the final selection later on, ladies and gentlemen.

Much later on, don't worry, there'll be quite a significant gap between them.

Hey, and you can vote by texting 64046, text Adam or Joe, or you can email, if you're listening again, adamandjoe.sixmusic at bbc.co.uk.

But now, it's time for the news.

on digital radio and online.

BBC 6Music.

Fears of a humanitarian crisis in Kenya, more competition for doctors, jobs and golden globes under threat.

BBC News at 9.30, I'm Jason Kay.

UN officials are warning of a humanitarian emergency in Kenya.

A quarter of a million people have been displaced by the political unrest after the disputed elections recently.

They say virtually all the movement of food for western Kenya has been frozen for days.

Junior doctors are being warned that there'll be three people going for each specialist job over the next few months.

Employers say this is partly because the government lost a legal battle to stop foreign trained doctors applying.

But NHS spokeswoman Sian Thomas says more competition for doctors is good news for patients.

The really good news for patients is we now have a structured system for training for doctors.

However, it means for patients that there is more choice.

For patients that's a good thing because the quality goes up.

When you get competition that's what happens.

In news, the Environment Agency wants to see warnings on packaging of energy-efficient light bulbs about how dangerous they are.

They contain mercury, so if they break, the poison can cause health risks.

Doctors say the bulbs can worsen some skin conditions, cause migraines and increase the risk of epileptic fits.

An LA court has ruled that Britney Spears can't see her sons for the time being.

The troubled singer has lost her visitation rights, at least until another hearing in ten days time.

She's in hospital at the moment after refusing to return her sons to her former husband Kevin Federline, following a court monitored visit a couple of days ago.

Some of the biggest names in showbiz are throwing their weight behind Hollywood's writers, who've been on strike for two months.

The actor's now saying that they'll boycott the prestigious Golden Globes next weekend.

Writers say they'll be picketing the event, and the Screen Actors Guild say they won't cross the picket lines.

Peter Bowes in LA says the ceremony probably won't be able to go ahead without the stars.

Julia Roberts, George Clooney, James McAvoy, nominated for Atonement, Denzel Washington for

American gangster, really a who's who of Hollywood expected at the Golden Globes.

It's kind of seen as the precursor to the Oscars, the warm-up if you like, and a lot of the stars will tell you it's actually a better party.

And the reason for that is they wine and dine all the guests in the auditorium.

That's why some of the acceptance speeches at the Globes are rather more entertaining.

And the weather mostly dry across the country with some rain over highland areas of Scotland this morning and showers sweeping across southern England this afternoon.

Highs of 10 in the south, 7 in the Midlands and Northern Ireland, 8 in Wales and 5 in Scotland.

That's your 6 Music News, your next bulletins at 10.30.

On the Music Week this week we're asking industry insiders who'll be making waves and which issues will change the music biz this year.

And we want to know what and who you think will be getting us hot under the collar in 2008.

Let us know on the Music Week tomorrow from 1.

Take a fella who knows how to get far Way to the beach for a blue fun, yeah Try to catch a dream on the water Gonna catch a plane but it's far too far To the top of the blue unless I'm trying to get back to you

Come back here, come back here

I love you

I love you always I love you always

That's good, isn't it?

It's nice to hear the beta band that was outside.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music and we were just talking about whether we'd finished watching all the extras on our Blade Runner DVD giant box sets there and the answer was no, not quite yet.

There's still quite a lot more to watch but I watched some new movies over the Christmas period.

Folks, I imagine that you probably did as well.

Didn't enjoy any of them.

I'm just having a look, remembering.

The best one was probably Bee Movie, which I went to see with the children a couple of days ago.

Even though it totally went over their heads, I would think.

I mean, it's just stuff full of things that no child would ever get, plus a load of very American-centric jokes as well.

Yeah, it's written by Jeremy Seinfeld, though, isn't it?

So it's going to be all sophisticated New York intellectual, isn't it?

Fairly.

But I know what you mean.

That's one of the things that's weird about it.

You know, like fluffy, fluffy bee animal film, but then it's the Seinfeld sensibility.

It's a strange mix, doesn't work for me.

It was very odd.

I mean, basically the central conceit is that more or less the bee, played by Jerry Seinfeld at the centre of the whole thing, the bee protagonist, ends up having a sort of affair with a human being.

No, that can be sexy.

played by Renée Zellweger.

Women and bees.

I've got some mags with that kind of stuff going down at home.

Yeah.

And it's interesting because you have to use a split focus lens for the different depths of field.

Bee filth.

But it is sexy.

It's definitely sexy.

Because at the end... A little sting in the right place.

Well after the sting, presumably they die.

So that's the ultimate climax to a little act of love.

Anyway, it was still pretty good.

What are you talking about?

That's what a B in French is called, isn't it?

Isn't it?

I didn't know.

Oh, I don't know.

Anyway, didn't mind B movie.

So you quite liked it.

Did you?

I ain't seen it.

You haven't seen it.

I've issued a Cornish moratorium on animated animal films.

Oh, really?

No more.

Well, I can't do that.

I've got a family.

This is no question of me doing that.

I'd be in terrible trouble.

I also went to see I Am Legend.

I Am Legend.

Here's another name for I Am Legend.

I Am Useless.

Now, some people out there won't have seen I Am Legend.

Don't.

That's good for an hour.

I tell you what if you really want to see it save your money come round to my house I'll smack you in the face for four hours I've got a lot to say about I am leg and but I can't really say it because people get angry upset about Spoilers and most of the outrageous things about I am leg and her and in the last 45 minutes.

It's torture It eats itself it starts out being brilliant, but then completely shoots itself in the in the Smith I don't know if I don't know about it being brilliant at any stage is that it had a very good

good mise en scene.

Here's the premise listeners the film starts and here's Will Smith he's driving around a deserted New York City it's a bit like the beginning of 28 days later and I believe they shot it in a similar in similar circumstances.

Yeah they shot it in London early that morning.

Yeah right but early in the morning in New York City they shot a lot of the stuff apparently when the streets were all deserted and they ran out there and messed it all up and made it look as if they'd been a big plague that had wiped out the population of the earth

and Will Smith is the only man left and he's still in New York City and he's trying to find a cure.

In the meantime he sort of amuses himself by driving around shooting deer and antelope and stuff that have escaped from the zoo presumably and are roaming the streets free.

But here's the thing, in the evening when the sun goes down...

the kind of survivor zombie population of New York City comes out.

The Dark Seekers.

The Dark Seekers, that's what they're called.

And they've got the worst, stupidest CG faces.

It did make me think, who named them Dark Seekers?

And at what stage in the disaster was that name coined?

Right.

Do you know, because you'd be less likely to call them that than, oh, those awful people.

Yeah.

Or something.

The ill people.

Yeah.

The very ill people.

Or the computer men.

Exactly.

Which is what they are.

I mean, they're a total disgrace.

Presumably they're computer men so that they can move incredibly fast, right, in a sort of weird, slightly scary way.

But what's wrong with... could they not just have close-ups with people in prosthetics and stuff and do a bit of old-fashioned makeup?

That would have been better than the stupid faces they've got on there with the computerised faces.

I liked it.

Did you really?

Yeah, I didn't mind that.

I just didn't like the God bothering aspects of it.

Oh yeah.

Turns into a Christian film at the end.

No insult to Christians.

But you know, it's all over that film in a weird way.

But listen, should we have a bit of music?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here is Adele, ladies and gentlemen, and this is Chasing Pavements.

Don't need to think it over If I'm wrong I am right Don't need to look no further This ain't last I know This is life If I tell the world

I'll never say enough cause it was not said to you And that's exactly what I need to do If I end up with you Should I give up?

Or should I just keep chasing payments?

Keep chasing payments Even if it leads no way I build myself up And fly around in circles Waiting as my heart drops And my back begins to tingle finally

Should I just keep chasing payments Even if it leads nowhere Or would it be a way Even if I knew my way Should I leave it there Should I give up Or should I just keep chasing payments Even if it leads nowhere

should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere or would it be a waste even if i knew my place should i leave it there should i

Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing payments?

Should I just keep on chasing payments?

Or should I give up or should I just keep chasing payments?

Oh that's nice isn't it?

That was Adele, that was like a, that was like my mum

Singing?

No, it's just that little, my mum reminds me of my mum.

No, I was going to say it's like your mother coming and laying a warm towelette on your face and then pushing it.

I thought you were going to say something else then.

I'm glad that sentence ended with towelettes.

Pushing it into your face until you can't breathe then.

Take it off, take it off.

God, that explains a lot.

Oh, that was lovely.

It dealt with chasing pavements.

What does that mean, chasing pavements?

Is that just like falling over face first?

Outside of Club Bijou's, maybe.

Chasing pavements, unless she's really, really on drugs and it seems like the pavements are kind of getting away from her.

That's not, it couldn't be that.

Is it Texanation time?

It gotta be Texanation time, surely.

Nation's favourite feature?

What if I don't want to?

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

So it's time for text the nation this is the part of the show and listen carefully because this is quite complicated where you text us on a kind of a theme or you can email yeah if you're listening via listen again you can email email is adamandjoe.6music.bbc.co.uk the text is 64046 uh text the nation this week are we gonna do this this one do you think

why not yeah why not okay if it goes wrong we can do something else it's just a simple one uh do you ever when you see a famous actor or actress come on telly you know one of the ones that's in lots of things they pop up all the time do you ever invent silly names for them right give us parallel names for them like i was watching a terrible terrible film called balls of fury oh yeah uh the other day no good um and it had christopher walcon in it yeah i like to call him christopher walk on nice because he has so many walk on parts yeah

I say look there's Christopher Walk-On and I expect people to laugh.

Right.

In a kind of a dad way.

Exactly, exactly.

Or if you didn't like him you could call him Christopher Walk-Off.

Yeah.

I wish.

Well I like to call the Conservative leader James Cameron, James Camera-On.

Oh.

Because he's only, you know, he only behaves in that way when the cameras come on.

James Camera-On, James Camera-Off.

And I get some very loving looks in my house when I say that.

Good.

Joe, you're so funny.

You are funny.

When Josh Hartnett comes on the screen, I like to say, look, it's Josh Hernett.

Nice.

Yeah.

Because that'll teach him a lesson.

Because he's so vain.

He's so vain.

He's a pretty boy.

He probably does wear a hairnet.

He's probably got one stuffed in his pockets or maybe down the front of his trousers.

When Harrison Ford comes on, I like to call him Harrison Bored.

Oh, why?

Because he looks so bored all the time.

He looks so bored.

And that's one of the things about him.

Have you got any of these, Adam?

No, because you just told me five seconds ago this is what we were going to do.

Think of some during the next record.

OK, I will.

Yeah.

Cake blanchet?

What do you call a?

Cake blanket.

Nice.

I call a cake blanket.

Cake blanket.

That's taking it one further.

I don't know what it means.

It bears no relation to it.

We're not expecting, as you can see, any genuine wit in this.

But I think this is a habit that a lot of people have.

And we'd like to hear some of the ones that you guys come up with.

I would imagine Amy Winehouse is a popular one, there's got to be loads of variations for that.

Yeah.

This is a kind of, maybe young people don't do this so much, but as you get older it starts becoming, I think there's some sort of little bit of the brain that starts growing and just gets cynical about everything and, you know what I mean?

Well, we were talking about this last year at some point, weren't we?

It's a very dad thing to do.

It's the sort of thing your dad might just walk into the room while you're watching telly and go, huh, Josh Hermit.

Yeah, my dad used to come in and go, oh, Angela Ripoff.

Oh look, it's Angela Ripoff.

We've talked about that before.

So do text us in with your kind of, what would you call them, like, you know, mutated celebrity names that managed to kind of coax something more, something meaningful out of it, you know what I mean?

Some added truth.

Yeah, text 64046.

We've also got quite a lot of emails about the thing we were doing on one of our pre-records, which is a kind of a placebo text donation about the born

Uh, supremacy, identity.

Yes, yes.

Give me, uh, it's the ultimatum.

Ultimatum.

No, is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

No.

The final one is called the Bourne Ultimatum.

And we were going through on our pre-record some of the stupid things they say to each other in the control room.

Give me eyes.

I need eyes on the, what's he called, the asset.

Give me eyes on the asset.

Give me a tic-tac-toe.

And that sort of stuff.

Yeah.

can't find it here we go I got it down here somewhere that was anyway but so there are some of those to go through but maybe we'll do those after the next record we got some great emails about that so this one is one of your choices I think yeah this is a tribe called quest with a track called excursions

Back in the days when I was a teenager Before I had status and before I had a pager You could find an abstract listening to hip hop My pops used to say it reminded him of bebop I said well daddy don't you know that things go in cycles Way that Bobby Brown is just amping like Michael It's all expected, things are for the looking If you got the money, Quest is for the plunking

Come on everybody, let's get with the fly mode Still got room on the truckload of black gold Listen to the rhyme, forget a mental picture Of this black man, black woman picture Why do I say that?

Cuz I gotta speak the truth, man Doing what we feel for what music is the proof And plan it on the ground, the act is so together Gonna fight strong, you need leverage to sever The uni es the uni es the uni called the jazzness Delivering each year an LP built with street goods You can find it on your rack in your record store If you get the record, say your thoughts are adored

and appreciate it cuz we're ever so glad we made it we work hard so we gotta thank god dishing out the plastic do the dance to your spastic if you're this it gets drastic listen to the rhyme cuz it's time to make gravy if it moves your booty then shake shake it baby all the way to africa aka the motherland stick out the left then i'll ask for the other hand that's the right hand black man only if you are noted as my man

If I get the credit, then I think I deserve it.

If you're fake news, go fix your mouth to word it.

Get in the zone of positivity, not negativity.

Cause we gotta strive for longevity.

If you watch up, what's in that?

What?

A pair of Nike size 10 and a half.

We gotta be a winner all the time Can't fall prey to a hip hop crime With the dope raps and dope tracks we move blocks From the fly girlies to the hardest of the rocks Basically the quest is on the rise We own these excursions so you must realize That continually, I'll pop my Zulu If you don't like it, get off the Zulu tip So what can you do in the times which exist?

You can't fake moves on your brother or your sis But if your sis is a

Whatever it may be in today's society Everything is fair, at least that's how it seems to me You must be honest and true to the next Don't be phony and expect one not to flex Especially if you rhyme, you have to live by the pen Your man is your man, then treat him like your friend All it is, is the code of the streets So listen to the knowledge being dropped over beats Beats that are hard to understand

The abstract poet prominent like Shakespeare

BBC sex music Sunday afternoons on six from to the six music charts with Phillipa Tj

the selection of choice cuts from our chart of tracks that are just simmering underneath the top 40 album chart.

From three, Martin Freeman in for Stephen Merchant.

And from five, it's Stuart McConie's Freak Zone.

If you've never listened to the show before, well, we're about strangeness, the esoteric, the unusual, the left field, the experimental.

We revel in the kind of songs and music that you wouldn't hear anywhere else on the radio, we hope.

The sound of Sunday afternoons.

On six music.

The Peel Sessions.

BBC.

Six Music.

I need

I need you

Gregory Isaacs with Permanent Lover, that was recorded for John Peel, one of the Peel sessions on Radio 1 on the 26th of October 1981.

I had a bit of a kind of a soft reggae thing going over Christmas personally.

I bought that album, I got given that album that's compiled by the Super Furry Animals bassist, it's called Furry Selection and it's a fantastic compilation of kind of

You know, really good dub reggae.

Bit of Lovers Rock in there as well?

Yeah, yeah.

I'll be playing one of the tracks from it a little later in the show, so there's something to listen out for.

You went to see the Super Furries on New Year's Eve, right?

I did, yeah, at the Royal Festival Hall.

How was that?

It was quite good.

They were very good.

The event as a whole left a couple of things to be desired, I'd say.

Well, New Year's Eve, eh, it's always a nightmare.

Yeah, there's a slightly odd atmosphere, and it was in the foyer.

And there was just a kind of, you know, an unforgettable atmosphere of foyer-ness about it.

Right.

Do you know what I mean?

When you do an event in a foyer, the whole thing just stinks slightly of foyer.

It's a little bit dissipated.

Everyone's... Dissipated, people wandering around, sitting in... Well, it's a thoroughfare, isn't it?

Exactly.

Especially at the Royal Festival Hall.

Lacked a sense of, you know, of, you know, I can't think of words this morning.

Will that be a problem?

No, listen man, I know where you're at.

It's difficult because technically we've been away for a few weeks.

So listen, the other week we did a pre-record where we were doing a kind of simulated text donation.

We were asking you to suggest phrases that could be used in one of the Bourne Identity films in the control room.

in the actual film they say stuff like we went in for a sneak and peek which means they broke in and searched the flat they say stuff like get me a tic tac toe which is kind of speak special speak for elevations of a building plans floor plan activate the asset cross deviation release the funds that sort of thing so people have sent in some quite good suggestions here do you want to hear some yeah go on then

Uh, here's one.

Let's consult the owl.

Right, consult the owl.

Yeah, this is from Jason.

This means we should run the plan past a wise, experienced intelligence officer.

Very good, Jason.

Yeah?

This is one I like a lot.

Maybe that was from Jason Bourne.

Maybe, yeah, yeah.

That's true!

Here's a good one.

Dust and polish.

Dust and polish?

Dust and polish.

Yeah, that's good.

What is completed following a property search to remove any trace of entry?

Dust and... I bet you the cops actually say that.

That's probably real, isn't it?

Maybe he's a cop.

He probably is a cop.

He's letting out secrets.

This is from Akio.

Apologise if I haven't said your name correctly.

The chicken is in the oven.

Mm-hmm.

That's good, isn't it?

Yeah.

What would that mean?

That just means that it's almost dinner time, the chicken's gonna be cooked fairly soon and they're gonna eat some chicken.

Right, so that's if they're gonna have chicken.

Exactly.

Yeah.

What about if someone goes, turn down the music?

Yeah.

Turn down the music.

That would just mean turn your volume down.

Exactly.

It's a little bit loud.

It's very hard for everyone to concentrate.

Here's a good one.

Dust the shelves and replace the ornaments.

The kettle is boiled.

We are out of milk.

That's a good one.

The freezer is in critical need of defrosting.

Yeah.

Somebody's left the freezer door open.

Someone's suggesting, put the doggy in the basket.

That's a different one, isn't it, from Silence of the Lambs?

Put the doggy in the basket.

Finally, we got an email from a guy called Richard Oldham.

He says, as a way of exciting our boring office life, my colleagues and I have taken to renaming everyday office items with overtly masculine names, e.g.

the stapler has become Magnum.

And the staple remover has become Cobra.

Recently we've taken to using this to create born ultimatum control room phrases.

So instead of saying, oops-a-daisy, I've been stamping too many pages together, we say, rookie's gone rogue with a magnum and I need the Cobra to clean up the mess.

That's Richard.

In Bermuda, designing houses for filthy rich people.

No.

What a job.

Man, Richard, you're the coolest guy alive.

Can we come and help you, Richard?

Yeah, please can we go out there?

That'd be great.

My dad is a little bit confused by the Bourne Ultimatum.

We watched it as our Christmas movie this year.

We had it on DVD and we projected it with a surround sound.

Nice.

Oh man, it was exciting.

My mum had never seen it before and she was digging it, but my dad couldn't.

He kept on leaning over going, what, what is going on?

Who is he?

So I had to explain this and that.

And then every now and again, he would turn around to me and say, so what is asset doing now?

Oh, if only his name was Asset.

Yeah.

Like, I wish that Christian Bale's character in Rescue Dawn was called Dawn.

It would improve the film massively for me.

It certainly would.

Shall we have some more music?

Is it more music time?

I think so.

And it's the Wombarts.

On digital.

Online.

BBC 6 Music.

The craziest week Like a party bag of lies Booze and then deceit And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud It's therapeutic somehow So I'm moving to New York Cause I've got problems with my sleep

Moving to New York cause I've got issues with my sleep Looks like Christmas came early Christmas came early for me I pulled one foot forward and ended up 30 yards back And am I losing touch or am I just completely off the track

Is this how it was?

It's therapeutic somehow So I'm moving to New York Cause I've got problems with my sleep

I'm moving to New York cause I've got issues with my sleep Looks like Christmas came early Christmas came early

So I'm moving to New York Cause I've got problems with my sleep And we're not the same And I will weather on my sleeve So I'm moving to New York Cause I've got issues with my sleep Looks like Christmas came early Christmas came early for me

What an exciting sound!

The sound of young people getting excited about life, making love to one another, drinking too much wine, locking themselves in hot rooms with instruments until they don't know what's what or who's where.

Pushing things off desks and refusing them to pick them up.

Refusing them to pick them up.

The electricity that sparks between young people with freshly washed hair.

That was the wombats with moving... That was quite an unenthusiastic laugh though.

...to New York.

No, that was just a, you know, January laugh.

January laugh, yeah.

We were talking about some of the things that are slightly confusing or depressing about New Year before the show started today.

My top

three was forgetting to write the correct year on the top of cheques, like writing the previous year.

And tax obviously is another, another depressing thing.

Pretty much as soon as your present wrapping paper is in the bin, you get the tax bill.

And the recycling box, I hope.

Yeah, of course, absolutely.

Did a lot of recycling this Christmas.

And what's the other depressing thing?

I don't know.

You just, you know, it's just a whole new raft of things, isn't it, to deal with?

the new year yeah that's one way of looking at it yes oh god another raft piled up with things i hate rafts god so listen we're in the middle eventually they'll stop coming what the rafts and it'll just be the void i know that so you're always looking forward to that that's true yes sweet sweet void um but before that before the void i think it's time we uh checked in with textination

Text the nation!

Text!

Text the nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter!

Text!

Yes, it's text the nation time and this week we're asking you to text in sort of stupid manglings of celebrities' names that make you happy to say when you see the celebrity.

Gives you a little bit of power against their world-dominating, er, everywhere-ness.

Yeah, perhaps.

Er, examples being... My girlfriend's mum calls certain stars Ray the Otter.

That's a very common one for Ray the Otter.

But then she carries on to John the Vulture.

What's John the Vulture?

John Travolta.

A bit left field.

And Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal's fine.

That's quite a good one.

I think this is because she likes animals.

She's got two dogs, says Gus.

She goes for John the Vulture over just the simpler John Revolting, which is what most people... Yeah, but they're good.

John the Vulture is quite idiosyncratic.

It's quite, you know, mummy-ish, isn't it?

It's not that much to do.

The funniest joke in Bee Movie is flying a plane.

How hard can it be?

John Travolta can do it.

something like that i slightly mangled it uh it's funnier in the film doesn't sound promising i always call eric clapton here's a good dad one eric clapped out nice yeah ha ha ha or not says nicola in glasgow bill oddy odd billy from dave in the highlands that's good uh what about for bruce forsyth bruce fork knife

That's strange.

It's quite good, isn't it?

He's just made that one up, isn't he?

It's got a slash in between.

Bruce Fork slash knife.

That's from Andy in Birmingham.

Bruce Fork knife.

That's quite good, I think.

I'd be happy saying that whenever I saw him.

His parents, what did they used to call him though?

It was something like Bruce... False... I don't know.

False tights?

No.

False tights?

I don't know.

Have a think about that one.

Obviously there's a load that you couldn't say on... Mo in Aberdeen has a good one for Keira Knightley.

Ikea Knightley.

Nice.

Yeah?

Nearly works.

It's nearly an anagram.

And she turns Amy Winehouse into Amy Wine Lake.

Nice.

Yeah?

Because she drinks a lot and she's gotten difficulties because of it.

Panda Wolf in Eastcote.

What a bizarre name.

Calls Whoopi Goldberg.

Wait for it.

Whoopi Goldfish.

Goldfish.

Yeah, my friend's got a joke that goes, did you know that Gerard Depardieu is marrying Whoopi Goldberg?

Yeah, she's going to be called Whoopi Doopidoo.

That's quite a good joke.

Anybody?

Hello?

That is good, that is good.

I was just, my brain was processing it.

My dad calls the Toyota Prius, hang on a second, my dad calls Toyota Prius drivers Toyota Pius.

Yeah, because of their smug, self-righteous choice of car.

He also calls Natasha Kaplinsky, Natasha Lipsticks Guy.

Lipstickski.

From Jenny Lipstickski.

Yeah.

Uh, Tom in Bournemouth says, you know, they're not supposed to be funny funny, but they're just strange and they're like little family secrets.

Just words.

We like to call Amy Winehouse Amy Hair House because of her hair.

so much of it i'd call her a like amy amy face house yeah you know why you know i call her amy tattoo hairs

Because she's got a tattoo!

That's good!

That's good.

That is good.

House.

What?

Amy Tattoo Hair's house.

Because then it sounds like her name.

I just thought at the end there, I just popped it in.

Yeah.

I'm just looking through the rest of these.

You know, I might have to vet these a little bit.

Peat.

Drink.

Drugs.

Tea.

That's good!

Write some of those down.

I should have written that one.

We'll come back to that.

Keep them coming in AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk or text 64046 if you've got any kind of clever ones.

Yeah.

Sounds unlikely but you know.

Hey it's our first show back in the new year folks come on you know cut us some slack will you please.

Now here's a choice that I made for you listeners hope you enjoy this one.

I don't hear too much Frank Zappa on the radio

Possibly because a lot of the stuff in his songs is sort of filthy and profane.

He writes a lot of songs about sex and stuff.

Even though, that was his big vice, wasn't it?

He was a sort of sexaholic, a bit of a pornocrat.

But that was it.

He never took any drugs.

The worst thing he did was smoke a lot of ciggies, which may have contributed to his eventual demise, unfortunately.

But he was a great guy, I've always been a big fan of his, and this is a track from one of his best albums, Overnight Sensation, and it's called Camarillo Brillo, hope you like it.

She had that Camarillo Brillo

Claiming out along ahead I mean, her mendicino be known By where some bugs had made it red She ruled the toads of these short forests And every Newton Idaho And every cricket who had chorus By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was the magic mama And she could throw a mean tarot And carried on without a comma That she was someone I should know She had a snake for a pet And an amulet And she was breathing a dwarf But she wasn't done yet She had gray green skin

I told her she was alright But I couldn't come in I couldn't come in right then And so she wandered through the doorway Just like a shadow from the tomb She said her stereo was four-way And I just love it in her room Well, I was born to have adventure

So I just followed up the steps Right past a fuming incense stenture To where she hung her castanets She stripped away her rancid poncho And laid out naked by the door We did it till we were on concho And it was useless anymore

She had a snake for a death And an amulet And she was breathing a gore But she wasn't done yet She had gray green skin A doll with a pin I told her she was alright But I couldn't come in And so she wandered through the doorway Just like a shadow from

She said her stereo was four way And I just love it in a room Well I was born to have adventure So I just followed up the steps Right past the fuming incense stenture To where she hung her castanets She said she was a magic mama

And she could throw a mean carol And carried on without a comma That she was someone I should know Is that a real poncho?

I mean, is that a Mexican poncho or is that a Sears poncho?

Frank Zappa there with Camarillo Brillo.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.

What's that all about then, that title, Camarillo Brillo?

Is he saying that something is Brillo?

Like Brillo pads, really good.

Is Camarillo a place?

I think it is.

Like Amarillo.

I know Amarillo.

Maybe it's a kind of a car, I'm not sure.

It's a load of arcane American references that I'm not familiar with.

But it's nice, I like his voice.

Even though he's just mining pretty much one little tune there, he just carries on.

He's not bothered about it.

The worst you can say about Frank Zappa is that his voice is very insincere.

Do you know what I mean?

Like he's, he's, he's- Palm's length kind of business.

Yeah, exactly.

But I don't mind that.

You know, you couldn't only listen to Frank Zappa.

It would drive you nuts.

But every now and again, it's nice.

It's like a little taste of doughnut.

Hey, this is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music, the station where we play six bits of music over and over again.

That's true.

That's not true.

No, isn't it?

No.

OK.

I've got a lot more than that.

You know, one of the weirdest things I saw on telly over Christmas was Shane McGowan on TV Burp.

Wow.

Did you catch that?

Didn't catch that.

At the end of Harry Hill's TV burp, he has a bit where he illustrates one of the things he's talking about by having a fight, usually between two celebrities.

My least favourite part of the show.

Thing that goes into the break, bridges the break kind of thing.

But on the Christmas special, he announced that, I forget what the lead in was, but the build up was building up to Shane McGowan versus a bottlenose dolphin.

And I thought it was just a word joke, you know, a little picture painted for the mind.

But he gestured to his left.

Lo and behold, out came Shane McGowan.

No.

Looking quite extraordinary.

I mean, he's always an amazing man to look at.

Yeah.

Because he's lived such a life and he's sort of out of the limelight a lot.

So every time he pops up, it's like kind of looking under a rock and seeing how things are progressing in the nicest possible way.

You know, I think he's a genius.

He's very seldom shevelled, certainly.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And he was looking very, very dishevelled.

Yeah, not not a lot going on in the tooth department.

Yeah.

The eyes seem to be interested in separate things.

Much too much extra skin on the face.

Right.

All heading downwards.

Yeah.

Big as well.

Lots of lots of booze still in there.

Boozy pillow.

Yeah.

but you know still understanding you know compass mentis and and punching the dolphin and you know it I really like that when kind of your heroes turn up on slightly mainstream trashy programs there's something really cool about that don't you think yeah absolutely that'll be a great TV moment

seeing someone like sort of holier-than-thou turn up on something because people like that they kind of wouldn't turn up on a on a respectful program you know they kind of purposely go for something a bit a bit mainstream and even though that program is fantastic yes brilliant program but I couldn't quite believe I'd seen it and I thought maybe I was hallucinating

That'll be on YouTube presumably, won't it?

Maybe.

Yeah, I'm going to have a look at that later on.

It was good.

That sounds excellent.

The best thing... I didn't catch any of those special shows, you know.

I didn't see the extras Christmas special or anything like that.

None of the things that you were supposed to watch that were like exciting appointment to view type things.

Instead I caught like loads of dreadful stuff like I ended up sitting right the way through the best of Top Gear.

I've never watched Top Gear in my life and I watched the best of Top Gear.

It was torture.

There was absolutely nothing else on at the time.

And I was just flicking around.

We were in the countryside.

We didn't have satellite or anything.

We just had the five channels.

Channel five was so fuzzy.

You couldn't really see it was just like a snowstorm.

So that's actually what they were doing for Christmas.

Was it?

Yeah.

Snowstorm.

Oh, right.

Right over the Christmas period.

There you go.

Anyway, it was, it was barely watchable.

I was quite bored of the snowstorm.

So ended up with Top Gear.

Have you ever watched Top Gear?

Yeah, I quite liked Top Gear.

What is your mental problem?

I like it.

I saw their one where they went to the North Pole.

How can you stand it?

Because it's like Blue Peter for retarded men.

Which is your favourite man?

I don't like any of them.

No, of course not.

Which is your least favourite man?

How can you deal with Hammond, the hamster?

Well listen, hey, our producer Jude has just... She loves Hammond.

Let's play a record, talk about this and make sure we're not hurting anyone's feelings.

Jude loves the hamster.

People love the hamster, listen.

Hey, they love him.

Here are the Staple Singers.

They hate Hammond.

I happen to know.

This is called Let's Do It Again.

Do it again.

I wanna do it again, do it again Let's do it in the morning Sweet breeze in the summertime Feel your sweet face All laid up next to mine Sweet love in the midnight

Could sleep come morning light No worries, I'm nothin' Just gettin' good, just gettin' good Just gettin' good, I'm nothin' Do it, do it again Do it again, do it Now I like you, lady So if I knew you couldn't have

If you don't want a compliment Just take a moment to close your eyes I'm just a man now, don't you fear I can love you now, don't you hear?

I began to rock, give the sister love and pride, feel pretty and satisfied.

I'm not a girl to live, but I feel like a butter finger.

I want to do it, do it, do it.

Just do it in the morning, sweet peas in the summertime, feeling your sweet face.

All laid up next to mine Sweet love in the midnight Good sleep come morning light Know what I'm loving Just getting good, just getting good, just getting good

The story of the people behind the hits, the record producers.

We wanted to tailor make songs just like you go to tailor get a suit made.

Each artist, the songs were written especially for them.

Tonight, Richard Allenson and Steve Levine look at the work of the godfathers of Philly Soul, Kenny Gamble and Leon Hough.

It was unbelievable the performances that they would give.

Sweat be coming off on them, take the shirts off.

Originally on Radio 2, the program features additional material looking at the Gamble and Hough partnership.

Every act that Kenny and Leon produced had learned their craft before they went into the studio.

The record producers, Gamble and Hough, tonight from 9.30.

On six music.

BBC six music.

Adam and Joe.

You really have to display information To discover relativity You know fake love and peacemaker Come and take a moment with me

Don't test the moment when you break the sun

Dancing, you're tearing it off

That's the new Young Pony Club with The Bomb.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.

Now we came across a band called the Young Pony Club, didn't we?

Are they now called the new Young Pony?

Is that a different band or have they had to put new in front of them because there's another band called Pony Club?

Something's going on there, some kind of Pony Club politics.

It wasn't, they were called something slightly different but it was... They were definitely called Young Pony Club, weren't they?

No, there was ponies in there but it wasn't exactly Young Pony Club.

But anyway, that's the new Young Pony Club, and as far as the world is aware, it's the main pony club to be concerned with at the moment.

Now, we're in the middle of Text-A-Nation.

Have you got any more mangled celebrity names there, Joe College?

Yeah, lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.

Okay, the idea for Text-A-Nation this week, listeners, is, you know, celebrity names, famous people's names that you mangle domestically for your own personal entertainment.

We're not saying these are brilliantly clever or funny, even though some of them may be, but they're just weirdly satisfying.

So are you ready?

I'm going to go through them quite fast.

I remembered the name of the band.

What is it?

Vote Show Pony.

Oh that's right.

Okay here we go.

This is from Matt Garner.

He says instead of Christopher Eccleston.

Can you guess any of these Adam?

Christopher Eccles cake.

Correct.

Nice.

Instead of Michael Parkinson.

Michael

Fartinson.

No, Michael Park your bum.

Michael Park your bum.

He's a chat show host.

Not anymore.

Instead of, and this was one that was very popular in America with the people that don't like the lesbian ladies.

Instead of Ellen DeGeneres.

Ellen DeGeneret.

Correct.

Oh really, that's a little bit anti-gay though isn't it?

Yeah, but you know.

Right.

It needn't be connected to her sexual preference.

Well, it's bound to be though isn't it?

With DeGeneres.

That's from Bryn.

Here's another one.

This is from Dee, The Dee Man, Damien.

Yeah.

Instead of Nelly, hang on, I've forgotten her actual name.

Furtado.

Well she's almost there, anyway.

Furtado?

No.

What?

Nelly Furtado.

Oh, that's not very nice.

Instead of Gwyneth Paltrow... Gwyneth... Poultry.

Poultry.

Or Poultry.

Right.

Yeah.

Lots of them there.

Maybe it's part and parcel of being famous that you have to have a name that's easily mutated.

That people can have fun with.

Well, mine, of course, would be very easy.

You just stick an F on the, uh, at the beginning of Buxton, and you're sorted.

That's what used to happen to me at school.

What about you?

Uh, just pasties, you know?

Joe Cornish pasties?

Yeah, corn plasters, that kind of thing.

Cornballs.

Never, no one ever said that.

My dad calls Colin Firth Colin filth to annoy my mum as she fancies him says Becky and Norwich also when I was a child and a big stock aching and waterman fan in the 80s my dad called Rick Astley dick ashtray.

Dad nice one.

Dad you would have totally dealt with the situation then.

Chris in Whitley Bay says I've heard people using Joe Corny as a slight on Mr Cornish recently.

Joe Corny.

I'm flattered to be talked about anywhere.

I don't mind if it's... If there's one thing you're not, it's Corny.

Hey.

Joe.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, I just thought I'd help you out there.

Thanks.

Man.

Edward Woodward becomes, says Claire, if you remove all... what?

All the Ds, ee-wah-woo-wah.

That's very lateral.

That's quite good, isn't it?

Ee-wah-woo-wah.

That's all we've got for the moment Blobby Williams of course is the other one more text the nation Coming later keep them coming text six four zero four six or email Adam and Joe dot six music at BBC dot co dot UK Is it time for the news now?

Yes, here's the news

on digital radio and online BBC six music fear of humanitarian crisis in Kenya Britney banned from seeing her kids and why eco-friendly bulbs could be bad for you and in six music use MPs want code of conduct for ticket reselling and Trent Reznor on his download experiment

BBC News at 10.30, I'm Jason Kay.

The UN says that a humanitarian emergency is developing in Kenya.

A quarter of a million people have been displaced during political unrest that swept the country since disputed presidential elections.

Marcus Pryor from the UN's World Food Programme explained what was needed most at El Doret in the west of the country.

We need supplies up here urgently, particularly of cooking oil and of corn soya blend, which is particularly important for feeding young children at risk of malnutrition.

40% of those people displaced are children.

And this operation is very urgent because people left their homes with really nothing at all.

An LA court says Britney Spears can't see her sons for at least 10 days.

She remains under observation in hospital after a standoff at her home when she refused to hand her sons back to their father, Kevin Federline.

He's been given full custody for now.

In other6musicnews, junior doctors have been warned that there'll be three applicants going for every specialist job over the next few months.

The NHS says that more competition for doctors makes for better treatment for patients.

Complementary therapies like homeopathy and aromatherapy are to be regulated for the first time under a single new body.

Signing up will be voluntary, but the National Healthcare Council will have the power to strike off anyone who doesn't meet its standards.

Doctors are warning that exposure to energy-efficient light bulbs could cause skin irritations and even epileptic fits, that if you come into contact with the mercury that's inside them, if they break,

Adrian Harding from the Environment Agency is also worried and he wants the government to put warnings on the packaging.

More information does need to be made available both by the retailers, local authorities and government as a whole to alert people to the best way of dealing with these products when they become waste.

One of the most prestigious award ceremonies, the Golden Globes, might have to be called off, because the Hollywood Writers' Strike.

The actors who are nominated for awards, and those who are meant to be presenting the trophies, have said they won't cross picket lines outside the venue.

A month later, the same threat will hang over the Oscars.

And the striking Writers Guild has problems of its own though.

Some of its own staff are in a pay dispute with the union.

And with Six Music News, here's Andre Payne.

The Office of Fair Trading could take action against internet auction sites over ticket touting.

A report by a parliamentary select committee is set to recommend a code of conduct for the secondary ticket market.

If that doesn't happen, then MPs want the OFT to investigate the legality of online ticket reselling.

Promoter Harvey Goldsmith believes criminals are using sites such as eBay.

At the moment what is going on is a total farce and what really bothers me is the underlying criminality that's creeping in and infiltrating into all of these secondary markets where profiteering is going on and the public are getting fleeced.

Trent Reznor says his Radiohead-style download experiment has had mixed results.

The Nine Inch Nails frontman produced the new album by rapper Saul Williams, and Trent says that given the option, one in five people paid $5 for a high-quality download, the rest paid nothing.

And finally, The Wave-N-X will release their new album Lust, Lust, Lust in the US next month, and as a tour kicking off on February 29th, the duo are also confirmed for South by Southwest.

That's six news and news, your next bulletin is at 11.30.

On the Music Week this week, we're asking industry insiders who'll be making waves and which issues will change the music biz this year.

And we want to know what and who you think will be getting us hot under the collar in 2008.

Let us know on the Music Week tomorrow from 1.6 Music.

Let me tell you what it says

We're gonna leave

A brand new world

Is that where they got their name from?

Yes, that is where the band got their name from.

Does that mean that's their favourite Talking Heads film?

No, it's not their favourite.

You'd have to be insane if that was your favourite Talking Heads song, but it's not a bad one, come on.

That's Talking Heads with Radiohead, that's from their, probably, I guess most people would agree, their worst album.

Being?

True Stories.

Oh, I've got a soft spot for that though.

Listen, I've got a big soft spot for it, I love it.

It was their big launch.

It was a movie and it was supposed to take them to the mainstream.

Yeah, there was there was even two versions.

There was the soundtrack album of all like original music from the film.

Lovely cover design, kind of typeface logo, that big kind of bold red and white thing.

David Byrne incidental music, Cronus Quartet.

The film's kind of a bit of a lost classic, isn't it?

Is it?

Or a lost average?

Not very classic.

Haven't watched it recently.

Is it even on DVD?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it?

Oh yeah, definitely.

It's worth seeing, certainly if you're a Talking Heads fan.

It's odd.

But the album by the band that accompanied the film, the big hit was Wild Wild Life, and it's an odd one.

It's a very odd one.

It was David Byrne making his transition into kind of his fascination with world music and Cajun and all sorts of different styles and the band was a little bit disparate there.

Anyway, that's more than you needed to know.

Oh, phone call.

Oh God.

Sorry, this goes with my new return.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, sorry, I forget that.

Well, speaking of which, we should remind people what the deal is with Song Wars this week.

Joe and I, as you can hear there, are trying to construct ringtones that you might like to use.

I mean, trying.

Well, OK, we have successfully constructed ringtones that you, the listeners, might like to use on your mobiles.

We don't actually know how to get them from the radio into your mobiles.

We'll sort that out at a later date if demand is sufficient.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's a genius conceit there for Joe to actually put his ringtone on the mobile there by demonstrating the efficaciousness.

Don't play that one.

Why not?

Because you still, you'll stick, listen, don't make me get angry again.

Hey dude, listen, I really object.

I went, I made extra effort.

I did three.

Listen.

I made extra effort and I'm being treated like a pariah and a cheater.

It's not,

that cheating?

Listen, listen, I'll explain to you carefully.

I went out of my way to do extra work.

Yeah, after, listen.

So if I write an extra long essay, do I get thrown out of school?

He's not listening, he's not listening.

This is, this is what happened, listeners, this is what happened.

Last show that we pre-recorded before Christmas, Joe was huffing and puffing, oh, all these pre-records, there's too much stuff, I haven't got enough material, you know, we're running out of stuff here, can we not do song wars for a few weeks?

So we said, all right, listen, let's just do something simple.

So Joe said, I know, why don't we just do ringtones?

That'll be nice and simple, super short.

We don't have to like really kill ourselves to do the ringtones.

Fine.

Everyone agrees that to give Joe a little break, because his brain's running out, we'll do something simple.

This isn't actually what happened.

This is exactly what happened.

What happened then?

You wanted to do something super short and easy for Song Wars because you said it was too much to get it together for the new year.

That's fair enough.

I wasn't purely me, I was going to help everybody.

It was an altruistic thing to help us through the Christmas period.

Here we go.

So anyway, everyone agrees, and then he comes in with a big armful of his crazy stuff.

That's not fair though, that's trampling all over the rules.

So are you suggesting that what I was doing was a kind of, you know, deflective tactic?

Is that what you're, you're genuinely stressing that I was like thinking I know?

No, no I'm not but you can't just suddenly change the rules when it suits you and come in and say oh well you know what I know that I wanted to do something easy that didn't take too much effort but I've decided to go completely the other way and trample all over the rules by having three instead of one for Song Wars which is no...

I think I've done quite well, cos I've managed to play all three.

Yeah, well, you've done very well, but now we're narrowing it down to just the one.

Yeah.

So we've reminded listeners of yours, I think.

Do you think?

Yeah, I think.

Do you think?

No, but that was through the phone.

They might want to hear it in proper stereo.

You made your bed, Mr Corner.

Yeah.

Oh, OK.

Fair enough.

So we'll just hear Adam's one.

Here we go.

You've got a call coming in, it's exciting Perhaps it's from an actor or a model Or maybe Russell Brand But more likely it's from someone at work saying why?

Ain't you done all your work?

Just let it ring, it'll go to voicemail In a second they can leave a chippy message Which you're welcome to ignore Anyway you've got this ringtone, it's over

you got a call coming in you got a call coming in on your phone in the old days this was enough but not now you've got to have a flipping song to express yourself before you answer your phone so there you go that's mine adam buxton's ringtone let's play joe's come on i don't want him to be upset about the whole song wars thing here's joe's

Yeah, so there you go, which one of those would you like to hear coming out of your mobile phone listeners second one?

as you can hear someone someone emailed us last year to say oh come on stop being so nice to each other about song wars we know there's tension bubbling underneath all right now the tension is properly surfaced this week hey there's a text here from Jane from BBC interactive saying we can put the ringtones on the website for download on Monday

Jane, there's going to have to be financial discussions first.

We're going to have to talk about how we'll split the revenue stream.

So this is it, man.

This is a big one, you know, because fortunes could be made off this.

So it's a very important Song Wars for so many reasons.

I'm going to insist they put all three of mine up.

Here we go.

Now this is your choice.

I'm moving on.

I'm segwaying to another thing.

Look, I found out some facts about Tenasaur for you, Joe.

Hey, we should just tell people vote for either Adam or Joe on 64046, or email adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk the winner of Song Wars this week.

Possibly the most vitriolic and, you know, hate-filled, divisive Song Wars of all time will be announced on next week's show.

A lot is riding on this vote.

But now, coming up, here's a record I chose from the album I was talking about earlier.

I googled it on Wikipedia for you there.

This is from the compilation album put together by the bass player of the Super Furry Animals.

It's called The Furry Selection and this is by Tenasaur.

It's Ring the Alarm, you'll recognise it when you hear it.

Some facts about it coming up after the track.

Hey, whoa.

Ring the alarm.

And now the sound is dying.

Whoa, hey.

Ring the alarm.

And now the sound is dying.

Whoa, hey.

Some sound sound like I'm quick jumping.

Listen to the sound.

It's a champion.

Or I'm in the dance in any session.

And now the sound is dying, whoa, hey Ring the alarm And now the sound is dying, whoa, hey T-Tato, we beat them all in a row Donkey want water but you hold him Joe T-Tato, we beat them all in a row The car smell water but hold him Joe Ring the alarm

And how the sound is dying, whoa, hey Ring the alarm And how the sound is dying, whoa, hey Four big sound in a one big lawn The dumb sound play the other three keep on Four big sound in a one big lawn The boom sound play the other three keep on

Ring the alarm and now the sound is dying Woah, hey, remember this song It's the dark of the town, dark of the country Hey, rock me some Charlie, rock me some Munchie, dark of the country So, ring the alarm and now the sound is dying

I know, I know Ring the alarm And all the sound is suffering Watch this old man a timber Watch this old man a frame Watch this old man a

I know I know

Rock the white and we'll rock up the block Sweet riggin' music on, pon the attack, yes Pon the attack it done, pon the attack Sweet riggin' music gone straight non-stop Ring the alarm, and now the sound is dying Woah, hey, ring the alarm And now the sound is suffering Woah, hey, some sound sound like a kick jumpin'

Listen to the sound of the champion Around the dance in any session Ring the alarm And all the sound is suffering Ring the alarm And all the sound is dying Be them there and we'll be them there We'll be them all over this atmosphere

Oh, that just suddenly ended there very quickly.

We were looking at Tennesaw Facts on Wikipedia.

He died when he was 22.

That's tragic.

Killed by a speeding car in Houston, Texas.

There you go.

A great loss, not only for his family, but for reggae music as well.

Quite right, Tennesaw.

ring the alarm it's a classic track and and yeah must recommend again that uh compilation the furry selection if you like a little bit of dub rubber dub dub i'll have to be rubbed then that's the uh the album for you it's really really very good i'll be playing some more from it in forthcoming shows so stay tuned have you had the sick bug joe cornish no no sick bug yeah no sick bug yeah have you just been uh keeping yourself away from humans

No, I eat an enormous amount of fruit.

That's not going to protect you from the bug.

You know, I didn't get ill at all in 2007.

Did you not?

No.

Not once?

Not once.

No time off?

No, I don't get ill a lot, generally.

Didn't get the snuffles?

No, not in any major way.

Right.

No.

Good job, man.

Yeah.

Very good.

You taking any vitamins there?

Any supplements?

No.

Really?

Just a lot of acid on weekends.

Yeah.

What's your secret then?

Lots of fresh fruit.

I think just lots of fruit.

I don't know.

I eat a lot of fruit.

Watch out for the acid on your teeth, man.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It can really play havoc.

Really?

You know, because fruit... I'm not listening to the downsides of fruit.

No.

People say it's going to make me more farty.

People say it's gonna make me go, you know, yellow.

Mmm.

Because of all the oranges.

Right.

But I don't listen to them, I'm just gonna eat that fruit.

It's good for you.

I love the fruit.

It's basically good for you.

Little sweet apples.

Mmm.

Oh.

What's your favorite kind of apple?

Little sweet, uh, Royal Gala.

Have I had a Fuji?

I don't like the Fugees.

You don't like the Fugees?

Nah.

Why not?

I just don't like, um... One time!

That's where you were going, wasn't it?

Yeah.

I just don't like that.

I like Royal Gala.

Listen, you better watch out though, because you'll get the bug.

Do you think?

Everyone gets the bug, the Norovirus.

I wash my hands when I come indoors.

Always wash your hands with soap and water when you come in the house.

It's not going to help you.

Oh, it does.

Everyone gets the Norovirus.

What's the Norovirus?

This is it, man.

It's called the Winter Vomiting Bug.

Never had it.

I've never vomited from a cold, ever.

No.

I haven't vomited since about 1987.

Right.

Seriously, I don't vomit.

Man, I hadn't vomited for a long time before I got this one.

It was not a welcome return to vomit land.

It was awful.

And the worst thing about the virus, if you're unlucky enough to get it, listeners, is that

You can't even enjoy yourself when you're lying there in bed, you know?

Because one of the nice things about being ill is you can just lie there, do a bit of work, maybe read some books that you were meaning to read for ages, watch a few movies, you know?

You can't even do that because you're constantly nauseated, right?

You're right on the verge of the vomitorium and it's uncomfortable, you can't really sleep properly, it's just the worst.

Luckily it only lasts about a day.

And then you're sorted, but you're not supposed to go out afterwards.

Don't go into contact with other human beings for a couple of days because you're still contagious and this thing could get way out of hand.

You know, we might have to get Dustin Hoffman involved and the whole place.

It might turn into I am legend, which would be incredibly boring.

So for goodness sake, take care of yourself.

It's what I'm saying as a little public health.

Yeah, I kind of tuned out.

I just came back in for for goodness sake, take care of yourself.

Yeah, I'm right behind that.

Yeah, just spun around.

Listen, here's a band called the Duke spirit.

This is a track called the step on the walk.

All we know about them is the following six words written on this sheet.

They toured the UK in November.

Ooh.

Ten English pounds and this heart of pain feels As though I'm moving to the end Am I moving to the end of your loving?

How, how did I do this?

Me, I put the water on my heart

You didn't understand such a cold detachment from the start All the drawers they slam down and no one in this town burns bright enough Without joy, joy, joy in the rain

Oh me, I put that box around my heart Oh, I couldn't notice Such a pool Detached from the start Oh, the joy they slam down For no one in this town Is bright enough Without joy, joy, joy in the rain I can feel forever the same Without joy, joy, joy in the rain

I can feel forever the same.

Forever the same Without joy, joy, joy in the rain I can feel forever the same Ooh

That's the step on the walk by the Duke Spirit.

They toured the UK in November.

They've got a beautiful and funny lead singer called Lila Moss.

And that's from their forthcoming second album called Neptune, which is in the shops on February the 4th.

Just who said we don't know nothing about them?

Exactly, exactly.

Now, the decorations are still up.

Hey, listeners, you've got to take your decorations down today.

Today, is it?

Yeah, today is the deadline.

Is it not, or is it tomorrow?

You know what happens if you don't take your decorations down?

Oh.

Evil Santa comes.

Good Santa comes on Christmas Day if you have the decorations up and leave them in spies.

If you don't take them down, evil Santa comes.

Satan?

No, he's just Santa.

Right.

He's got a blue suit and he nicks things every day of the year for a whole year until Christmas.

Yeah.

Upper Santa.

Yeah.

And if you're unlucky, you'll have an affair with your girlfriend or wife.

Oh, that happens anyway.

Really?

Yeah, the real Santa's got cop launched to snog who he wants.

It's true.

Women love Santa.

They really do.

They go crazy for Santa.

Nothing gets a woman hotter.

Than Santa.

Than a big fat man in a chimney.

I'm gonna miss Santa.

Oh, Santa.

I am.

You know, I see so little of him.

I've seen so little of him.

My brother used to set traps for him.

He pops around at Christmas.

People still believe in the Santa.

My little nephew, who was about eight or nine, quite old you would think to still be in Santa conflict land.

He got genuinely upset about it because he basically knows and his older brothers have told him, obviously there's no such

Oh, what?

Oh, I'm not supposed to say that am I because you know some children listening, but he is um Man, he's really conflicted.

He absolutely doesn't know listen children.

There's no conclusive proof either way alright So you believe what you want to believe?

But man he was struggling with it.

He was in tears on Christmas Eve.

Just saying I don't know what to believe oh

I felt really bad for him.

He was in tears.

Yeah, he was.

He was absolutely distraught because he was getting so many conflicting messages, you know, from the kids telling him the cynical line.

Surely, why does it matter to him as long as you get the presies?

No, because he it's more it's about more than that.

Is it, though?

Try cast your mind back to the magic.

All I knew was that a weird man was breaking into my house.

And did you get no excitement out of the fact, though, that there was like an actual physical presence involved in the whole situation?

Like a bloke.

Yeah, like a strange guy, you know.

You know what?

I can't remember.

I remember my brother laying traps for Santa.

Right.

Well, he was excited about it.

And that caused some difficulty for my parents.

Yeah.

And you never thought, huh, I think I saw him.

You never, like, your parents didn't, like, used to creep into your room with the stockings and stuff.

And then, then you would think, huh, I think I saw him, mummy.

I think I saw him last night.

Did you?

Yeah.

Did you?

Definitely.

I can remember a couple of Christmases where I was pretty confused because most of my brain was telling me no.

Some kids have parents who actually dress up in a costume.

That's right, of course, yeah.

I don't think my parents ever did that.

Not that they would have done, of course, children, because they had nothing to do with it.

It was the big fat man.

But take those decos down today or tomorrow.

Yeah, absolutely.

And burn them.

You have to burn them.

Really?

No.

No, you don't burn the tinsel.

And make that up.

That's bad for the planet.

But if you want to be certain that evil Santa won't come, you would burn them.

Did you have a tree this year?

Yes.

Have you disposed of it already?

No.

Today, this afternoon.

What do you do?

Do you just put it outside?

Eat it.

Always eat it.

Eat it?

Yeah.

Gotta eat it.

How do you prepare it?

Just use it as a garnish.

That's nice.

One very big garnish.

Like a big sprig of parsley?

Yeah, a huge sprig.

On one mince pie, we have the last mince pie, stick the tree in the top of it, pour some honey on it, eat it.

Yeah.

Yum yum.

That's nice, and that's good for the environment as well.

It is.

Shall we have another trail?

You end up with a very prickly poo, though.

No, we're not having a trail.

Who would want a trail?

Hey, this is a bit of rhythm and blues from the good old days.

This is Howlin' Wolf.

I am a living rooster

Too late to crow for days I only read roosters Too late to crow for days Keep everything in a bargain

Upset in every way Oh, these dogs begin to bark and howl, howl begin to howl Oh, these dogs begin to bark

Oh, watch out strange ten people go Little rabies is on the prowl If you see my little rabies down Please drag him

Yeah, if you see my little red-nosed dove, please drive him home.

And then they'll reason upon you, said the little red-nosed dove.

BBC 6 Music.

On Digital Online.

BBC 6 Music.

My Dita's a beast.

We get around together.

We'd last forever if you won't be mad.

We're quarter band, brother.

My Dita.

Yo, what's up?

My Dita.

Standing on two fifth street, funky fresh, and yes, cold on my feet with no shit.

And lay down law from state to state

and yellow and green when it's time to get

Now we still in Cali and I won't

The primitive drum sequencing of Run DMC, an early primeval hip-hop band from America.

Can you imagine how giant that drum machine must have been?

It must have been the size of three houses.

It's true.

In the early days of computing, drum machines, they used to take up the size of a football pitch to make the sound of a cymbal.

In the early days of hip-hop, that's right, it used to take a sort of aircraft carrier just to get the samples in there.

Now you can get the whole Wu-tan clang on the head of a pin.

Yeah.

Amazing, isn't it?

How times have moved on.

That's true.

I was thinking about, uh, there's lots of Wu-Tang Clan, or is it just one on Knocked Up?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

That's a good one, isn't it?

I hadn't heard that one before.

The one at the very beginning.

Uh, that's, isn't that Shimmie Shimmie by old, dirty, B-starred?

Yeah.

B-starred.

That was good.

There was some good music on that film.

Uh, as opposed to A Good Year, is it?

The Ridley Scott one.

Oh, did you see that?

Well, because you said it was worth seeing.

Yeah.

so i tried to i sat down last night and tried to watch it this is the one with russell crow as a kind of city boy who goes off to live the good life to provance deliciously poor i didn't make it through um you got to see it at a cinema where you're trapped right it's big screen you know and part part of the part of the problem with the whole thing is that it's got some of the worst

film music like songs you know use of songs that I've ever heard in my life and I couldn't I didn't make it through to the end so I didn't see if they were songs that were specially written for the film or if it was stuff that riddles had gone out and then it turned up on his iPod and he thought this is gonna be good for the film I'll pop this one in the film oh my lordy I might try and find some of it and bring it in do I can't remember the music it was it all like Renno Cleo advert type stuff

No, it's nothing that good.

It's like sort of overwrought, sub-Rufus Wainwright ballads.

But up-tempo, it's hard to describe.

It was really horrible music.

Great film.

And yeah, I'm gonna try and bring some in.

What a film.

So here's a quick email from Green Koos.

what sort of a name is that it's a good name koozie and didi they say and this is aimed at you adam how's the jaw harp playing it's a great fun instrument when you get the hang of it listeners who listen regularly might remember on our exciting christmas show where we bought presents for each other i bought adam a jaw harp

He sliced his lip open with it.

Immediately stabbed myself.

That kind of dampened the excitement on the day.

But how's it been going?

It's been good, man.

Haven't got it with me.

No.

Have you been playing it?

Have you played it at all?

Be honest.

No.

Have your fingers touched it since that day?

Yes.

I played it for my son when I got home.

Did you?

He wanted to know what it was.

Really?

And he was fascinated by it.

How did that go?

It was good, man.

He thought it was amazing.

Don't let him try.

It's dangerous.

I said no, I kept it away from him.

Because there's two types of those things you can get.

You can get one that looks, it's sort of mushroom shaped.

one and a cheap one and then well no i thought yours was charming and the one that joe picked up which was like a sort of decorated little cardboard tube with a very sharp metal prong in it stuffed inside and basically you kind of vibrated the prong against your lip but i was a little tooty maybe we had some champagne in the studio when we did that pre-record and i just whipped it out not knowing what it was in my excitement and jammed the thing right through my lip pretty much it was really i was bleeding all over the area

But no, it was a lovely present, and I'll cherish it forever.

Bring it in next week and play some.

Maybe I will.

Things to remember for next week, music from a good year.

Yeah, and jaw harp.

There you go, Fousey and Dee Dee.

That's dealt with that one there for you.

Have you got anything else there, Joe, that you need to read out?

No, shoot.

I've got a track for you listeners.

I picked these at random during the week, you know?

Jude, our producer, she emails us and says, what do you want to play on the weekend, chaps?

And it's always the wrong moment for some reason, you know what I mean?

Like, you sort of hear things as you're going along or listening on your iPod and you think, hey, that's going to be good for the show.

But then when the email comes through, you're a bit panicked and you think, oh, I've got to respond.

I just picked some random tracks from a random playlist and this was on one of them.

But it's one of my favourite police tracks, as in the band The Police, led by Stung.

But it's not a Stung track.

It's written by, I think, I'm right in saying, Stuart Copeland, the drummer.

And I've always got a soft spot for Copeland's tracks, you know, because usually when the drummer gets right in... Copeland is a very accomplished film soundtrack composer.

That's right.

Yeah.

But his pop songs are sort of cheesy and ludicrous.

And I'm always amazed that Stung allowed him to actually put them on the albums.

You know what I mean?

In a way, there's a couple that are a total disgrace of his.

In a good way.

Which album is this off of?

This is off Synchronicity, I believe.

Oh, I love that album.

Yeah, I really do.

It's got one of the best songs ever written about, Nessie.

Right, Synchronicity 2.

I love pop songs that mention Nessie or Bigfoot, anything like that.

Especially, it's rare to find a song, a serious song.

You know, you get a lot of Tenacious D type stuff about mythical creatures, but a serious rock song.

Little Dark Scottish Luck.

I love that.

Yeah.

And back then, you know, it was as if Nessie could have existed in the 70s.

A film coming out all about it, of course.

Was it called The Water Horse?

Yeah.

They should put that track on it.

Anyway, that's Synchronicity 2.

I've picked for you listeners a very odd song indeed.

It's called Miss Gredenko.

Enjoy.

Don't tell the director I said so.

What are you saying, Miss Gredenko?

We're at a policy meeting We were planning new ways of cheating I didn't want to rock your boat But you sent this dangerous note You've been letting your feelings show Are you safe?

Miss Grotekko?

Miss Grotekko, are you safe?

Are you safe?

Miss Grotekko?

Miss Grotekko, are you safe?

There's anybody who's old in here Nobody but us in here Nobody but us There's anybody alive in here Nobody but us You're young and warm, don't seem to fit You're much too alive in it You've been letting your feelings show Are you safe, Ms.

Firth and Co.?

Ms.

Firth and Co., are you safe?

I like that.

It's good, isn't it?

Yeah, I like the police a lot.

I don't suppose you're going to see them live.

They're still touring, right?

I think?

No.

Have they finished touring?

I don't know.

No idea.

You're not forking out 75 quid or whatever it is for the coppers?

No, no.

Apparently they're playing a storm, though.

Wherever they go, they're great.

I like to personally see the band.

These bands that do these reunion tours, they play in such huge arenas that you can't really, one can't afford.

Yes, you like mortgage your house to sit close enough to see them.

Right.

Just like standing in a big field watching a giant telly, isn't it?

So you didn't go to Zepples?

I didn't see the Zepples, no.

Sorry to be ignorant, I know everyone knows this, but are they still touring or was that just a one-off?

No, that was a one-off, it was a benefit gig, but there's rumours that they might carry on touring.

Yeah.

They are later in the year.

Oh, are they?

Is that official?

I think so.

Wow.

Later in the year.

I thought it was kind of like a test gig.

Well it went very well apparently.

Very well.

I think everyone I know who saw it said it was amazing.

Thumbs up.

Check this out though, I heard about a friend of mine who got his mate, like as a present, he got him tickets to the Zepples right?

To the Zepples gig for, I don't know how much those tickets were.

Those were a thousand.

Over a thousand pounds.

But they were a lot, you know it was like about a hundred quid or something.

Anyway he got them fairly on, he was one of the first people to book the tickets.

But then by the time the gig came along and that the prices of the tickets on eBay were just spiraling out of control astronomically people were paying Thousands of pounds for them.

So his mate said listen, you know, I just can't give you these tickets Because he hadn't actually handed the tickets over He said I could get like a grand for these so I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give them to you.

I'm gonna sell them myself instead.

I'll get you something else.

This is like the story you told the other week of the friend who bought the friend the little Banksy work of art.

Your friends are always involved.

No no that was a happy story though.

A happy story yeah but there's a lot of selling and trading and financial assessment.

This is not a close friend it's uh it's only two stories.

It's someone I heard.

Right.

But that's pretty rough, isn't it?

Makes a certain amount of fiscal sense.

You would be hard-put to forgive a friend who did that.

Maybe they're a hard-up student trying to pay their student loan off.

I don't think so.

I think I heard he was there.

The guy just couldn't bear the idea that he'd bought his mate something that was actually worth thousands of pounds.

Hey, listeners, this is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.

It's the last hour of our show, coming up to the last 45 minutes.

Before that record, the police record, we were talking about their track Synchronicity 2, which features a reference to the Loch Ness Monster, and it's given us a brilliant idea for Song Wars next week.

Mythical beast songs.

Oh, that was for Song Wars, was it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Songs about Bigfoot, Sasquatch Yeti, three separate entities, of course.

Don't get them confused.

You'll only make them angry.

The Loch Ness Monster?

Yep.

Poltergeists?

Ghosts?

Could we do poltergeists and ghosts?

No.

You think it has to be cryptozoological?

But there aren't that many, are there?

Oh unicorns.

If Adam does a song about a unicorn, I'll be quite upset.

Why?

Because I just don't like the sound of it.

Just the general idea.

Just the way you turn around.

I've never really liked unicorns.

Even that one in Blade Runner, the prongs all flock.

It all comes back to Ridley, doesn't it?

Centaurs?

No, come on, these have got to be creatures that some people believe might currently exist on the planet.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it can't just be like fairy stories.

Well, there's not that many, though, are there?

Coelacanth, I suppose I could write about.

No, there's lots, man.

The Chocapupachocaburra.

What's that?

That's a kind of Mexican goat-eating thing.

I thought it was like a lollipop.

The mothman?

You know all about this stuff because you read all the time.

Yeah, it won't take you long.

Just a quick look up on Arthur C. Clarke's mysterious website.

uh all right then well i listen i bags i i bags the lock next monster look in his monster you got him the water the water horse that's right yeah long this monster is a sort of benign monster not like the yeti that's vicious bigfoot oh horrible ill-tempered creature obsessed by bigfoot i've got a bigfoot print i've got a cast of his footprint yeah is it signed no he couldn't hold the pen too angry

More music now.

Here's the new single from the White Stripes.

This is Conquest.

Conquest!

He was out to make a conquest Didn't care what Armo's done Just as long as he won the prize Conquest!

She was just another conquest Didn't care whose heart was broke Love to him was a joke Till he looked into her eyes

And then in the strange way things happen Their roles were reversed from that day The hunter became the huntress The hunter became the prey

Conquest!

Now you know who made the conquest She with all her female guile Let him help us down the aisle She had finally made a conquest

And then in the strange way things happen Their roles will reverse from that day The hunted became the huntress The hunter became the prey Conquered

And to help us down the aisle She had finally made a cut

Have I got news for you.

Unmissable, isn't it?

I tell you what, I don't think I've missed a single episode.

Never missed an episode?

Biggest fan.

End of.

Well, we'll see about that.

Eh?

Paul Merton once got no points at all.

Who was his guest?

What?

Ross Noble.

Ian Hislop almost missed an episode because of what ailment?

Er, scurvy.

Burst appendix.

Damn.

What replaced Roy Hattersley?

Erm... You should know this.

I do.

It was, erm... It was a tub of lard.

I knew that!

Never missed an episode.

Well, I might have missed one or two.

Biggest fan mile.

From now on, you'll never have to miss an unmissable moment.

BBC iPlayer lets you watch programmes from the last seven days on your computer.

BBC iPlayer.

Making the unmissable, unmissable.

Go to bbc.co.uk slash iPlayer.

BBC.

Six.

Music in session for six.

I get high on the first and the rush when I'm plugged in, yeah.

I never wanna flush again, no one to watch or do.

Wonderful in their dreams.

Tricked

When you send me a passport away, when you're left from me I'm dressed in white noise, you know just what I want, so please Wonderful Electric Wonderful Electric

you

Textination!

Text!

Textination!

What if I don't want to?

Textination!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter text!

Yes, it's Text the Nation time here on the Adam and Jo radio show thing on BBC 6 Music this Saturday morning and this morning we've been asking you to text in your mangled famous people's names that you use in your households, whatever kind of modern cohabitational setup you have.

Maybe two gay men and one lesbian.

Maybe six lesbians, one gay man and an old man.

And, I don't know, a policeman.

Maybe a disabled policeman.

A disabled policeman, three lesbians, two gay men, and... What about the straights?

Why don't they get a look in here?

It's just not very modern.

Oh, it's a bit of an old hat, an old-fashioned straight.

It's been done before.

Yeah, it's been done, hasn't it?

Yeah.

Oh, how do we get into that?

You got into that, mate.

Can you plough us into that one?

Can you get me out of it, please?

Here we go, grab hold of this.

Not that!

Yeah, so we've been asking you to text in ways that you mangle celebrities' names in your houses to make it more interesting when you see their faces all over the shop.

And you know, these aren't particularly witty or original, but there's something strangely satisfying about them.

Of course, Hugh Grant.

yeah huge grunt huge grunt yeah he might as well change his name to huge grunt and i think that's one of the things you know another part of this is is the theory that to have a name that can be easily mangled actually helps you that's true up the slippery showbiz slope huge grunt steven rodley reminding us of huge grunt uh here's an email from helen williams jim carrey jim carrion

Because his films are ridiculous, like carry-ons.

Right, right, right.

Yeah?

Yeah.

For Demi Moore... Demi... No, you can't say that!

Can I not?

No.

Sorry, I was spelling it H-O-A-R-E.

Oh, right.

You know, it's like a family name.

Oh, Hoare.

Yes.

Hoare.

Helen Williams calls Demi Moore Demi-talented.

Yeah, half talented.

Oh, that is very sophisticated.

You thought she was just being flattering.

Instead of calling her Demi Moore, I call her Demi Talented.

Demi Talented!

You know what I call her?

Demi Fantastic.

Janet Street Porter, Janet Street Cleaner.

Yeah.

Right.

Eh?

Exactly.

Those are all from Helen.

It's alright, you're allowed to feel a bit silent about these.

Yeah.

Here's one from Richard Hitchens.

My brother and I always pronounce Sean Connery.

Oh no, I can't read that one.

Richard.

You know what, I thought of one the other day and it was when I was watching This Morning, usually fronted by Phil and Fern.

yeah and who was who was standing in but Julian scary really scary do you think he is scary oh my lord have you seen him recently he's he was dressing all super straight and uh he had like a very natty suit on yeah it's his daytime look

yeah but he can't do the sincerity thing you know what i mean very well at all his eyes are slightly lidded and there's a cynical aspect to him that doesn't sit well with the daytime format plus he has a very young haircut like he has a young boy's haircut

It's sort of a feathery, almost like a schoolboy pageboy cut or something.

Like Richard Hammond.

It's very odd.

No, not a pageboy cut, but no, it's much shorter than the hamster.

But anyway, it occurred to me that- We met him, haven't we?

I've met him.

We met him a couple of times at Jonathan Ross's house.

Julian Scarry?

Yeah.

Jonathan Ross had a go-karting party that we went to.

That's right.

During which my girlfriend very nearly got killed by Jonathan's agent in a go-kart.

And Julian was there.

He was very nice.

He is a lovely- Very quiet.

I'm not saying he's not a lovely chap.

His boyfriend at the time was a

Very old, small bald man.

Surprised me.

I thought, you're on telly, you're gay, you'd have a really attractive boyfriend.

But no, tiny, tiny little bald old man.

There you go.

No insult to anyone, in case they're still very happily cohabiting.

Brilliant.

Brilliantly sidestepped there, Joe.

Well done.

Thanks.

I should cover all angles legally.

You should work for the UN.

My dad is a keen gardener, changing the subject, so some of our mutated names stemmed from gardening, as in spruce forsythia.

Nice.

That's quite an elaborate one for gardening, Dad.

Have we had some manglerization of Bruce Willis yet?

No, Willys.

It's always Willys, isn't it?

Yeah, it's gotta be, Bruce.

Bruise Force, oh Bruise Forsythe, that's the one I was thinking of.

From James in Lewis, back in the 80s I used to refer to Molly Ringwald as oily ring mold.

Mmm.

That's quite good isn't it?

That is good.

Yeah, that's a more sophisticated one from James.

Chris also has a Molly Ringwald one.

Molly Ringworm.

Yes, that's of course.

Your more standard one.

Yeah.

I can't help but refer to the third Doctor Who as John Terp-wee.

What?

Twerp-wee, I meant to say.

I kind of ruined that one.

Sorry, Paul Kelly.

More of these?

Give us exactly one more.

Okay.

My girlfriend Karen uses Lenny crab sticks.

Come on, they're not supposed to be funny, but you can just imagine someone going, with Lenny Crabsticks again, and expecting some sort of response.

That's right.

Lenny Crabsticks is an absolutely ideal way to conclude that part of the programme.

That was Text-A-Nation, but not, you know, not for nothing.

Is it known as the nation's favourite feature?

It is.

And let's hope it keeps hold of that title in 08.

Do you know who's a big fan of the feature?

Who?

Barack Obama.

Is that true?

It's his favourite feature.

He's the first black president.

The only thing that worries me, it obviously hasn't done it yet, but it's got to be a shoo-in.

They can't possibly vote for that nutty other man.

I hate huckabees.

Can they?

Is he the Democratic candidate?

No, he's the... No.

Republican.

I don't know what's going on.

I know there was a caucus.

Is that good?

Yeah, there are several caucuses.

In Iowa?

Yeah.

And Barrack won that one.

The thing that worries me about Barrack winning is all the big disaster movies have black presidents in them.

Yes.

You know, it's always Morgan Freeman.

So the second they get a black president, that's the trigger for the disasters to happen.

Aliens are going to invade.

Actually no, when Independence Day it was Bill Pullman was the president, wasn't it?

That's true.

But yes, Morgan Freeman was the Deep Impact president.

Day after tomorrow?

I don't know.

Yeah, the aliens are going to invade.

I'm not saying that's in any way, you know, connected in a meaningful way.

I think lots of people thought it was.

Play a record.

No, there's no records now.

It's going to be news time shortly.

Are you going to step out to the sales after this?

Step out to the sales?

Yes.

No, I'm not.

Have you ever been to a sale?

No, don't think so.

Why would you want to go?

I've been to the HMV or the Zavvy one.

There are other megastores available.

It's nice when they have a sale in the middle of the year, but their whole idea of doing the winter sale thing is just a total nightmare.

Anyway, that was just a little aside.

I was thinking about it.

Now, apparently there are other things going on in the world that you need to know about.

I find it hard to believe, but here with details is the news.

on digital radio and online bbc six music kenyan food crisis looming britney's banned from seeing her kids and the man who fell 47 floors and lived and in six music news mp's code of conduct for ticket reselling and sony bmg to go drm free six music

BBC News at 11.30, I'm Jason Kay.

The Kenyan president within the past half hour, Mwai Kibaki, has said that he'd be prepared to form a government of national unity to end the unrest that there's been since the disputed election results last month.

Hundreds of people have died in fighting and thousands of people have been displaced.

The United Nations says that there could be an impending humanitarian disaster if food can't get through quickly enough.

Roger Yates from the charity Action Aid says it'll be a while before life can return to normal for those affected.

The long-term impact of rehabilitation of people getting their livelihoods back, people moving back to their areas, feeling confident to do their business again and getting over the trauma is a long-term impact.

And also,

the work that needs to be done within communities to build peace between people.

Doctors leaders say they're concerned about a shortage of training places for specialist medical jobs.

Junior doctors in the NHS who come from outside the EU are allowed to apply, meaning they'll be around three applicants for every training position.

In other six music news today, an LA court has ruled that Britney Spears can't see her sons for the time being.

The troubled singer has lost her visitation rights at least for another 10 days.

She's in hospital after refusing to return her sons to her former husband Kevin Federline following a court monitored visit earlier in the week.

There's concern that energy saving light bulbs could cause health problems.

Some doctors say the bulbs can aggravate skin conditions and bring on headaches.

That's because of the mercury that's inside them.

Spanish police have arrested a German man after his partner, a British woman, died.

Deborah Hatto, who was 42 and from West Sussex, was found stabbed to death at her home near Malaga.

An investigation has begun after a large piece of metal was left on a railway line in South Wales last night.

Police say a train carrying 60 people slammed into the object near Kefili, but no one was badly hurt.

And doctors in New York say they can't believe a window cleaner who fell 47 stories from the skyscraper survived.

Alcides Moreno's brother was killed in the fall, but he needed nine operations for serious internal injuries and is expected to make a full recovery.

The chief surgeon at New York's Presbyterian Hospital, Philip Barry, is astonished by his survival.

I don't know what adjective you'd care to use, unprecedented, extraordinary.

If you are a believer in miracles, this would be one.

Okay, with your Six Music news now, here's Andre Payne.

Most people who are selling their concert tickets have bought tickets months and months in advance if they're lucky enough to get them.

This is somebody who now has a genuine reason to want to resell the ticket.

Unfortunately for them, not only do many people in the music industry require them to buy the ticket seven or eight months in advance, but they don't provide any sort of refund mechanism if they can't go to the gig.

Sony BMG will join the other major labels by dropping Copy Protection on MP3.

The label will make downloads available on Amazon's US digital music site without rights management.

And finally OK Go are getting ready to record the follow-up to their Oh No album.

The band also have a charity EP coming out next month.

It features covers of Bowie's Rock and Roll Suicide and Bob Dylan's I Shall Be Released.

That's six music news.

Your next bulletin is at 12.30.

On the Music Week this week we're asking industry insiders who'll be making waves and which issues will change the music biz this year.

And we want to know what and who you think will be getting us hot under the collar in 2008.

Let us know on the Music Week tomorrow from 1.

6 Music.

Adam and Joe on 6 Music.

Upon the rainbow brace tonight I could see into your window Although you're far away You were racing in a car Beside a boy you just don't know If he is a fool Would you have in mind If he is a fool Would you have in mind

J's on the cards But this time it will be hard I never want to leave you We've never had a fight You should never split a pool You should never split at all I wish I had two As I could follow I write D&D

Without any sorrow

We'll say our prayers Just while you are sitting there And I will wrap my arms around you Cause I know it will be fine They are the fantasy of fun We didn't get wet, we didn't die Our aspirations Are wrapped up in books

Our inclinations are hidden in summer's tastin' arms I'm tryin' to get a feelin' from the city but I've been unfaithful

We didn't get what we didn't get But the fantasy remains You better come back to Earth again Our aspirations Rather than books Are inclinations Hidden in books

That was Bell and Sebastian with Wrapped Up in Books, but it sounds almost exactly like... You're gonna find me out in the country by the Farmers Boys.

You know that track?

That's a good track.

Both good tracks, listen.

You know, he's done something extra with it, which makes it okay, and Bell and Sebastian have their own unique thing going on.

I'm just pointing out that there are similarities there.

He better watch out from a legal point of view, that's all I'm saying.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music and now it's time for jingle jangle jingles jingles jingles jingle jongles.

It's time for Song Wars, the war of the songs, a couple of tunes by a couple of prongs so check it out.

Yes indeed.

That's not the right jingle.

I wanted to play for this email.

Oh, you wanted the... Here's an email from Dick Thompson.

Right.

Hi Adam and Joe.

Can I just say what a refreshing change it is to hear two well-spoken lads on the radio instead of those awful estuary English accents we're normally forced to endure.

Now I'm sure you have... I'm reading this quite posh now.

Yeah.

I'm sure you have high standards in everything else you do.

So can I point out a little faux pas in one of your jingles?

In the Song Wars one, you can be heard saying, quote, which one will you vote for?

Which one is the best?

Close quotes.

Now I'm sure I don't need to tell you that when comparing two objects, you should be using the word better.

Best can only be used for three or more objects.

I've therefore taken the liberty of rewriting the two lines affected by this as follows.

Which one will you vote for?

Which one is the better?

Vote for them now by email, text or letter.

If there is anything else with which I can help you out, just give me a call.

Regards, Dick Thompson.

This email has been scanned by Net Intelligence.

That's great.

Thank you very much, Dick, for that.

That's absolutely true.

That's correct.

The subject of the email is suggestion for improving your show.

that would improve it you know what I saw that next week I will give that to me and I will fix that for you dick although to take you up on something it's not which one will you vote for which wouldn't scan it's which will you vote for which one is the best that's how it goes currently shame you've marked him up you know I absolutely marked you

is that another word that another street saying oh man um anyway to deal with this week though boy what a what a tense making uh song wars it's been you know i'm relaxed about it i've come to terms with the fact that that you perceive my generosity of creativity as cheating you know i know i agree with you i agree with it must it must seem like an underhand tactic but i assure you it was done in all innocence

And now I am a bit, I think I might have chosen the wrong one.

This is the thing, you see, he walks out feeling as if he's been the victim of some kind of religious persecution.

Can I switch mine?

Nope.

Because I think the other one's better.

He's going to go home, he's going to go.

I've got it on here if you want to hear it.

He's going to go, oh I work so hard, no one understands me, you know, they give me such a hard time.

What's cheating?

I'm not gonna play it again.

I thought we'd resolve this.

I thought we were gonna move on gonna play the other one He's gonna walk out of Somebody happens to call me

Look, she's faded.

She's trying her best to fade all the mics.

Yeah, you know, they'll they'll all be up on the website.

Listen, if you're around for the sales in the West End, you might like to look at Joe Cornish coming out of the building at around about five past 12.

He will be looking like Jesus.

And he will in his mind, there'll be a halo.

Why am I being persecuted?

Why?

What have I done wrong?

I just want to bring light to the world with my cheating jingles, and instead I'm being beaten with hollybranches for the trouble I've gone to.

That's what's going on in your mind, isn't it, Jesus?

I'm turning the other cheek.

All right.

Slap me, hit me again.

So let's remind you, listeners, of what we have for you.

Let's hear Adam's first.

Let's hear mine first.

This is my jingle.

I want you to vote for jingle, for ringtone, ringtone.

This is Adam's ringtone.

from an actor or a model or maybe Russell Brand.

But more likely it's from someone at work saying why?

Ain't you done all your work?

Just let it ring, it'll go to voicemail in a second, they can leave a chippy message which you're welcome to ignore.

Anyway you've got this ringtone, it's a different

And who haven't heard it before?

You've got a call coming in You've got a call coming in On your phone In the old days this was enough But not now You've got to have a flipping song To express yourself Before you answer your phone

There you go, that's Adam's ringtone there.

Sorry that I didn't load it onto my phone the way Joe did to demonstrate to you exactly how great it would sound coming out of your phone speakers, but use your imagination.

Now, Joe Cornish, would you like to introduce yourself?

It's just that that one seems very bassy, and I'm not sure that mobile phone speakers could handle that kind of bit.

What you need is something a bit more sharp and irritating.

Right, okay.

You know, a bit more like cheese gratery.

It's what the kids like.

Oh, shut up!

Kind of thing.

Something a bit like this.

Yeah, Joe was grooving around

There's a lot more to it than meets the ear, let me put it that way.

You pop that on your phone then, you know, hidden, it's like a flower, hidden depths will open up.

So, get voting.

You can text us, either text us at, the number is 64046.

64046 is the text.

You text the name Adam or Joe depending on which one you want to vote for.

Yeah.

And that's just for the remainder of this program.

If you're voting during the week, email Adam and Joe, that's adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.

And of course, if you're listening again throughout the week, that's the case for you as well.

If you want to vote, you can.

You can vote right up until Saturday morning, pretty much.

When do the votes close?

We don't want to get into any kind of scandal.

Uh, Saturday morning.

Saturday morning, okay.

They're collated just before the show on Saturday morning.

Okay.

By a team of collators.

Mmm.

Or, yeah, what?

My... Here's Cajun dance party with Amalie.

No, either way.

Is it?

No, no, you're right, you're right.

Sorry.

I'm really sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

Obviously.

I'm sorry.

One, two, one, two, three, four!

Remember to make it last, increase the time it takes to paint and build them

Let's remember not to turn on the strength to a row We can see through the haze of misty glaze So now let's try to be positive before we

Amylase will dry up the plaster You're the catalyst that makes things faster

Cajun dance party with Amalays.

They're an English five piece.

They're all still in the sixth form according to these notes.

That could be slightly outdated now, but they're certainly very young.

So if you like them, good for you.

You're helping out the kids.

Helping out the little people.

If you didn't like them, then give them a break.

They're tiny.

They're little kids.

What are you doing?

Honestly, I was watching that program that Nigel Godrich does that you were at one stage going to present until they decided that would be a dreadful idea.

From the basement.

It's really good.

From the basement.

Yeah.

It's what cable channel is it on?

It's on the Arts channel, isn't it?

Sky Arts.

Yeah, if you've missed it, listeners, you should check it out.

It's one of the best, you know, pure music shows on, on telly.

It's got no presenters at all.

It's just bands performing in this sort of underground studio space.

It's really well shot, very kind of unpretentious and, and really good.

And there was a band on there the other day.

I can't work out what they're called, but their drummer was, he looked about 10.

Right.

Curly blonde hair.

Do you know who that is?

No.

thrashing away amazingly at the drums and they had a slightly Asian looking girl singer.

Oh wait maybe it was... I think they were a three-piece.

It could have been Deerhoof.

Was it Deerhoof?

No because I saw Deerhoof at the Royal Festival.

They were brilliant supporting the super furry animals.

They were fantastic.

They had a fantastic drummer as well.

He just had one cymbal and a drum and he was making all kinds of racket out of it.

It was brilliant.

Maybe no they're older than that.

Yeah, I don't know I'd be interested to know but the general point of that blurb was that you should check out from the basement from the basement I believe I was One of the people that came up with that title really well I originally suggested the basement take the title, but the show is brilliant basement tapes I suggested But Nigel said no because it'll be too much like the Bob Dylan album and people won't be able to get the association out of their head and Then maybe maybe our friend Garth came up with from the basement in fact.

It's very good very good music We got edged out of the whole project

I know.

Better than the Holland, who I find a little bit grating.

I don't know.

It's just me.

Great bands on there.

But Holland just looks tired with the gig.

He looks bored.

Well, he's got too much of an editorial policy on there.

Do you think?

Yeah.

Does he vet the bands?

Well, I mean, even though it's not all the bands aren't to his taste, there's still very much a kind of editorial through line on that show, even though they've got such a wide ranging thing.

Sometimes when they jam together, the noise is awful.

It's almost like you want a certain type of music.

You don't want such a wide variety of choice sometimes, you know, because you always feel with duels that you have to switch off for a few minutes sometimes.

Yeah, I don't know what you think, listeners.

But From The Basement is a bit more streamlined.

Certainly, I would say it would be more to the taste of your average six music listener.

Even though there probably isn't such a thing as the average sex music listener.

No, no.

They're all lesbians and gays and policemen.

You're obsessed with lesbians, gays and policemen.

Just a call back.

Now, this is a track that you chose, Joe.

Oh yeah, this is from a film that I saw over the Christmas period.

I saw this film in Paris.

I went to Paris before Christmas.

I love Paris!

That's my favourite city!

I live there!

I am French!

Je suis Francaise!

Oh, et tout vous!

C'est bien!

I did this thing, right?

A very short story.

A friend of mine bought a hat.

He wore it from... A chapeau?

Oh, a chapeau.

From a pretty magazine.

That means from a little shop near the Pompidou Centre.

He bought a hat.

Five minutes later.

The chapeau is broken.

The hat broke!

The fastener.

He doesn't speak French.

My friend couldn't speak French.

Stupid friend.

I had to go back and do the negotiation with the hat man.

Hat man John.

With hat man crudders.

Hat man crudders.

Yes.

So I had to speak in French.

I said, Monsieur, s'il vous plait, mon ami avait achter cette chapeau.

My friend has bought this hat.

Mais, le chapeau avait cassez, but the hat has broken.

Est-ce que c'est possible pour est changer le chapeau?

Is it possible to exchange the hato?

The man said, he said, no.

He said, n'ai mate.

He said it, the French equivalent of n'ai mate, you gotta be kidding, you're English, you'll never come back here, I don't give up.

He was very rude and abrasive.

Now, my French is limited, as you can tell, be it O-level.

I've got nothing between please exchange the hat and J'appelle le police.

So I went straight for J'appelle le police.

He looked at me, startled, laughed at me.

I was all over the place with my French arguing.

Right.

And in the end he called me a sarcasm.

Sarcasm.

He accused me of being on the side of France's, you know, riot police enforcing... Right, basically saying you're a fascist.

Yeah.

Right.

But then his mate stitched it back and mended it.

Aww.

It was all okay.

It's nice.

Nice at the end of that story.

Anyway, the film that I saw was called Paranoid Park.

Gus Van Sant's new one about a teen skater that kills a man and feels very guilty.

Oh dear.

And wanders around.

I loved it.

Yeah, good one.

Extraordinary sound design.

Ooh.

People listening to Six Music might be interested in sound design.

The year's most beautiful film.

Very good sound design.

Does it?

It might be true.

But this is a track he uses in it.

This is Elliott Smith with Angelis.

you

Someone's always coming around here Trailing some new kill Says I've seen a picture on a hundred dollar bill What's a game?

I can't stay here in this world Of real skill So glad to meet you, Andrew

Picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made Go on, lose the gamble, that's the history of the trade Did you add up all the cards left to play?

To see you grow and sign up with

Don't start me trying now Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Cause I'm all over it and you're nice I can make you satisfied in everything you do

All your secret wishes could right now be coming true Be forever with my poison arms Around you, no one's gonna fool around with us No one's gonna fool around with us So glad to meet you Angela

That was Elliot Smith with Angeliz.

That's it for this week.

Thanks a lot for listening everybody.

It's a very long fade in to that track there.

I like a nice long fade in.

It's good to play the whole fade in as well, not like chop it up like other less, you know, less good shows might do.

Less tall DJs might do.

Yeah, yeah.

No, it's nice.

You know, you don't you don't want to talk right away up to where the singing starts because you lose all mellowness.

Yeah, there we go.

It's mellowed me right out.

Thanks for everybody who's texted and emailed as well this week.

And keep those votes for Song Wars coming in.

Don't forget to vote Joe.

Just text Joe to 64046.

Or you can text Adam to 6406 or you can, of course.

In fact, email, that's absolutely correct.

Don't bother texting.

Email Joe to adamandjoe.sixmusic at bbc.co.uk.

And of course, don't forget, you can listen again to this show on the BBC's website.

It's very easy and enjoyable thing to do.

And we're going to sort the podcast situation out, listeners.

I know it's taken us a long time to get around to it, but we're still settling in here.

We're banking material.

Yeah, we're banking material.

It's all going to be exciting.

I think there's even going to be like two types of podcasts.

There'll be like a regular one.

That's a digest of each week's show, you know, like a little condensed version.

And then me and Joe are really going to do our best to do one that's especially constructed with kind of family one on a blue one a little bit of a blue one.

Yeah, kind of Derek and Clive one.

not that extreme but anyway we'll let you know what's happening as and when Liz Kershaw is coming up very shortly ladies and gentlemen but for now we're gonna leave you with Kate Nash happy new year lots of love have a great week love you bye

You're chatting to me like we connect But I don't even know if we're still friends It's so confusing Understanding you is making me not want to do The things that I know I should do But I trip fast and then I lose And I hate looking like a fool I just want your

The lights are on and someone's home But I'm not sure if they're alone There's someone else inside my head Living there to fill me with dread This paranoia is distressing And I spend most of my nights guessing Are we not, are we together?

Will this make our lives much better?

I'm not in love I just wanna be in time

I'm not saying you're not on my mind I hope that you don't think I'm wrong

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