And things are small Well, it just might like to know You've got a great big smile On somebody's face Make a jump into your bed With the giver up your head Don't you lock the doors You know your treat's Santa Claus on the way
It could be Christmas every day When a kid starts singing and the band begins to play
When we're skating in the park Let the storm walk into the dark Then your rosy cheeks gonna light back every way Now the frosty clouds appear And they've frozen up my fear So we'll light by the fire till the streets simply match
When the snowman brings the snow That is just right by the door You've got a great big smile on somebody's face So it's him who brings the sleigh
I wish it could be Christmas every day So let the bells ring out for Christmas I wish it could be Christmas every day
Christmas every day Let the bells ring out for Christmas
When the snowman rings the star When the snowman rings the star When the snowman rings the star When the snowman rings the star When the snowman rings the star
wizard there with i wish it could be christmas every day uh which would be a nightmare if you think about it in practical terms it would just not be workable don't you think joe cornish i agree i i think that's an awful song uh an awful yeah i think that's an awful song well i don't agree i think that's one of the most heartwarming wonderful songs ever written i think it thrusts its hand into the chest of christmas and rips its heart out oh my lord evil man in indiana jones in the temple of two
What kind of opening gambit is that for Just Past Nine on the 22nd of December 2007?
You know we're keeping it real.
They know they're with people who won't kowtow to the playlist.
Well one of them won't.
The other one likes it.
Now we're in a special shack, listeners, because it's our Christmas show.
Yeah.
Every Christmas, Adam and I like to leave the studio.
Are you alright?
How many little cough?
Well it's cold, isn't it?
It's freezing.
It might be a white Christmas this Christmas.
Yeah, the bookies are saying it could be.
Are they really?
Yeah, they are the bookies.
Oh, I love the bookies.
And so we've left the Six Music Studio and we've gone to a little shack in the middle of a field in the English countryside.
In the Trocadero.
In the Trocadero.
And we're very cold, so are we going to light that fire?
Yeah, I've got some matches.
Come on, baby.
Here we go.
There we go.
Oh, dear.
Come on, mate.
Sorry.
Oh, safety.
There we go.
There we are.
Oh, I burnt my shirt.
I burnt my sleeve.
My sleeve's on fire.
It smells nice.
It smells nice.
Here.
Ow, hand burning!
It's out now.
It's nice, I like the smell of burnt wool.
Good morning listeners, welcome to the Adam and Jo radio show here on BBC6 Music.
It's Saturday the 22nd of December, it's very nearly Christmas, Christmas in three days time.
I'm just going to put some Christmas music on.
So you know by rights everybody should be feeling really all cosy and cuddly and warm and lovely.
There's no work on Monday, that's right isn't it?
Some people might have to go to work.
We're on holidays.
Holidanes.
Holidanes.
Is that a Danish holiday?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Some people might have to go to work on Monday, but they'll just be phoning it in, you know, they'll be in the office, they won't actually be doing any real work.
Yeah, be their surgeons.
Because you'd have to be mad.
The surgeons will be phoning it in.
Exactly.
Yeah, the ambulance drivers, they'll just be going at like four to five miles an hour.
Just do like, just a normal, just like a really one long stitch, that should be fine, that'll keep her together.
we've got great music coming up for you for the next three hours obviously we should remind you though it's a matter of transparency here at the BBC to declare that this is a pre-recorded show so don't bother texting you'll be wasting your finger power yeah yeah that's it really exactly because if you did and it was found out oh my gosh if what if they texted and they texted in someone found out that they were texting exactly what would happen we both be shot why
Because of the because they feel so let down that's true because they they would have paid what how much for the techs?
2008 is gonna be a fresh slate for telly.
Yeah, it's all about a telly radio the BBC It's all about regaining trust.
So, you know, let's just be public
honest about everything.
Purply honest.
Let's be perfectly honest.
We've got great music coming up for you in the next 25 hours including some James Brown, some Interpol, you know all that kind of business.
As well as our favorite Christmas tunes.
Now Joe and I like to wheel out more or less the same Christmas tunes every year.
Everyone does you know.
There's only a small pool of Christmas tunes that are any good.
Exactly.
So, so we like to wheel them out, you'll be hearing all your favourites and maybe a couple that you haven't heard before in the next two and a half hours.
Yeah, and a bit more.
This is going to be a kind of free-willing show, we're not doing our usual competitions and stuff like that.
No.
Instead, Adam and I have bought presents for each other.
And I've bought, I've bought some lager.
Adam's got a can of beer.
That's a bit sleazy isn't it, because it's nine in the morning.
Yeah, that's very sleazy.
What do you think about that?
But it's holidays.
It's fine, man.
I'm gonna smoke some crack a bit later.
Are you?
Yeah.
Is that alright?
Not really.
I'm not really gonna do that, listeners.
Yeah, what are you?
That's a joke.
What are you, Russell Brand?
That's a joke too, okay?
So don't bother writing in because we're not here.
So listen, before we get ourselves in any more trouble, let's have some more music.
This is a very Christmassy band, you know, because they got the word Arctic in the title.
This is the Arctic Monkeys with Teddy Pig.
Sorry, sunshine, it doesn't exist
When did you listen?
Replace the twist and turn like a fist Replace the kiss, don't cancel
Can I have it quicker?
Already faking you're getting thicker Let's have a game on a teddy picker Not waking up, can I have it quicker?
Already faking you're getting thicker
Ooh, that's the Arctic Monkeys with Teddy Picker.
I kept on saying throughout the year that, oh, Richard Ayoade directed a video for that.
Incorrect.
He directed the video for one of the previous singles from that album.
It's a video with clowns beating up hard men in that kind of warehouse.
It's a good vid.
It's a good vid.
Hey, listen, news has just come in.
Christmas has been cancelled.
So yeah I'm afraid Gordon Brown and Jonathan Porritt, do you know who he is?
No.
He's a kind of eco man.
They've cancelled it because it's ecologically unsound.
What's wrong with Christmas?
Because Christmas involves chopping down trees, buying useless things, plugging in fancy lights that drain electricity, watching extra television, cooking extra food.
Over the Christmas period the earth uses more carbon fibres.
Yeah, that's what the environment's made up of.
Right.
Than any other type of time of year.
That's probably, are you making all that up?
That sounds, it has the ring of truth though.
Yeah, yeah.
I was thinking about it the other day.
I thought, you know, if we were really taking the end of the world seriously, then we'd just cancel the whole thing.
Get rid of Christmas.
Or we, you know, you'd make it super kind of earthy.
You'd give, you know, those Oxfam type presents.
Have you ever been given a present by one of those Oxfam presents where they give you a card and say oh I've bought a donkey?
for the third world.
No, I never have.
Really?
That shows the circles you mix in and the values of your family.
Have you?
Yeah, a lot.
By your brother.
Yeah, by my brother and my girlfriend often gets them.
So how many donkeys have you got then?
I've bought a couple of donkeys, yeah.
Right.
Yeah, and you know, good for the guy with the donkey but bad news for me.
So is the point... Where's the goods?
Where's the stuff?
Exactly, where's the stuff?
You know, is the point of that... You know what, I'm sure the guy with the donkey might agree as well at the end of the day.
Is it to help the donkey or is it just to give a gift that doesn't involve using up more of the world's resources?
Yeah, it's to actually do something good rather than just indulge yourself or your family.
Because a donkey, that's bad, man.
Why is a donkey bad?
Well, I could understand a star.
If someone gave you a star, I'd name the star after you.
How would that help someone in the third place?
Joe Star.
And then you could say I've got a staff.
Is that what you're doing for Christmas?
Well who are you helping in the third world adopting a donkey?
Guy that gets the donkey.
What?
Because he can carry water on it.
Donkeys are essential.
Dear me.
I don't understand.
That's what I'm going to give you for Christmas but you know listeners we've bought each other presents.
Adam and I have bought each other presents.
We're going to be opening them as the show goes on.
None of them are environmentally friendly presents or kind of Oxfam type presents are they?
Well mine is.
One of mine came from Dr. Barnardo's actually.
Really?
But you know, don't worry, Christmas hasn't been cancelled and it's the time when God gives us permission, Jesus gives us permission to indulge in a horrific way.
That's what it says in the Bible, isn't it?
Isn't that what it says in the Bible?
Ecclesiastes, somewhere in Ecclesiastes, and lo, Jesus said this week, don't worry about it.
Have another drinky.
Speaking of which, I brought in a special bottle from my fridge.
It's been in the fridge for one and a half years.
Is that really so?
Yes.
Wow, you've really pushed the boat out.
It's a bottle of Prosecco and it looks a little bit like champagne.
If you squint, it looks like champagne and it's got a champagne style cork and everything.
I just knocked it against the mic there.
I love things that are just style.
Yeah, I don't like the real thing, I like something that's just styled after the real thing.
Right, like some kind of brand of cereal that you get in, like a big supermarket.
It looks a little bit like a famous brand of cereal, but actually it's just the own brand.
It's a bit like a flavoured something, you know?
You can buy chocolate that's not chocolate, it's chocolate flavour.
And that's not real chocolate.
Chocolate flavoured chocolate.
You can get chocolate flavoured chocolate cakes.
Right.
So are you going to open that?
Would you like a glass of Prosecco?
Definitely.
I think on the 22nd of December, you're allowed to drink.
Again, it says that in Ecclesiastes.
And lo, Jesus said, you're allowed to drink before 10 a.m.
Right.
In fact, not only that, but you must.
As long as it's Prosecco.
Here we go.
Listen for the cork listeners.
I'm listening.
Oh, flipping heads.
Oh man, it took out the clock.
I very nearly smashed the big British castle.
I think that might have killed Steve LaMac.
Let's have some more music.
It went through the ceiling and went all the way up Steve LaMac's bottom.
That's not very good, is it?
Apparently he liked it.
So listen, while we're having a glass of Prosecco, here's some more music.
And I think we've got, is it music or a trail now?
They're kind of the same things to me.
Wouldn't it be amazing if the trail had music in it?
Then it would be two brilliant things for the price of one.
Dream on.
But I think it's music.
It's the beat with too nice to talk to.
Thanks for watching!
There's nothing to say now, there's nothing to do You're just too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to
Thought you might tell me to go away Now I think quite a lot of my own point of view Is that all I have that's in common with you?
The emotions of God in my heart are retarded You're too nice to talk to You're too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to
This evening hasn't gone like I planned.
Should I take this situation at hand?
I'm out of my mind But you're too nice to talk to
Too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to Too nice to talk to Too nice
mmm that was the beat with too nice to talk to not only did i enjoy the beat but i'm also enjoying my glass of prosecco and you can't really hear the bubbles over the crackle of the fire there you know what that uh that record by the beat it's called too nice to talk to too double oh nice to talk to if that was released today it would have the numbers in it wouldn't it
Right.
It would be the number two nice two talk two, right?
Yeah, exactly.
There's so many twos in there.
You'd be missing a trick not to.
Maybe you could have the word two and the number two and the Roman numeral two.
Hey, listeners, if you've been listening, you'll know that we've started drinking.
I'm just keeping things ticking along.
That's a really good idea.
Thanks.
But I was going to say cheers.
cheers man because we've got little glasses of champagne happy Christmas it's it's Saturday it's December the 22nd so we're allowed to drink in the morning as we've already established in fact other things you could do with your drink this morning is put it on your cereal bathe in it or what else could you do have you ever poured booze over yourself no I don't think I have
Never?
Of you?
I'm just thinking.
And if so, under what circumstances?
It seems like the kind of thing you would do if you were a sexy grown-up man and you had maybe a woman who wanted to drink it.
It's the kind of thing, I think the only people who've ever done that are Scrooge McDuck and P Diddy.
Scrooge McDuck, why would he do it?
Because he bathes in, he's got a massive room full of money that he swims in.
Right.
Yeah.
That's the kind of over-the-top thing he would do, but I wouldn't drink it if it was coming, you know, like champagne off a Scrooge McDuck's back.
No.
I wouldn't have that.
That would be disgusting.
And I always feel the same thing as well- Sounds like an aphorism.
Right.
Which is like champagne off Scrooge McDuck's back.
Yeah.
Um, that was intentional.
Yeah.
Good one, man.
And, uh, yeah, it would be- it's unhygienic, though.
Why would you wanna- have you ever drunk or eaten anything off another human being?
Okay listen folks we are going to be unwrapping the first of our Christmas presents for each other after this next track and this is something I've chosen for you.
This was voted by Word Magazine as the very best Christmas song in one of their kind of roundups of the best and worst Christmas songs in their issue a couple of weeks ago and I must say I agree it's the waitresses with Christmas wrapping.
Enjoy!
It's my favorite holiday, but all this year's been a busy blur Don't think I have the energy to add to my already mad rush Just cause it's Disney season, the perfect gift for me With B completions and connections left from last year Ski shop encounter, most interesting Atta's number but never the time Most of anyone passing along those lines So deck those halls, trim those trees Raise up cups at Christmas cheer I just need to catch my breath
Yeah.
We tried, we said we'd keep in touch Didn't, of course, till summertime Out to the beach, to his boat, could I join him?
No, this time it was me
Bye!
Through the stove, cause I bundled up too tight Last minute, have to do a few cards A few calls because it's RSVP No thanks, no party lights, it's Christmas Eve Gotta relax, turn down all of my advice Last fall, I had a night with myself Same guy called, Halloween party Waited all night for him to show This time his car wouldn't go Forget it's cold, it's getting late Try to turn home and celebrate In a quiet way, unwind
Me with the world's smallest turkey Already in the oven, nice and hot Oh damn, guess what I forgot So on with the boots, back out in the snow To the only all-night grocery When what's my wondering eye?
Should appear in the line As that guy I've been chasing all year And then this one alone, he said When you break these years, been crazy I said, me too, but why are you?
You mean you forgot the cranberries too?
Then suddenly we laughed and laughed Thought on to what was happening That Christmas magic brought this tale to a end
you
Hey, this is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.
This is our sort of Christmas show.
That's why you can hear the sound of a lovely warm toasty Christmassy fire.
We're in a lovely Christmassy shack and we've got a load of presents for each other.
I said that we were going to be unwrapping our first present after that last track, The Waitresses, but actually we're going to wait for the news because it's going to be news time soon.
But before that, here's one of the big musical success stories of 2007.
Yeah, this is a song inspired by when they went to see the film Control and someone stood up and went to the loo.
Uh, yeah, it's gossip.
We're standing in the way of control.
Nice.
Thanks.
you'll do it
And it's hard to face the truth When you think you're dying, it's hard to give in
Standing in the way of control We'll live our lives Because we're standing in the way of control We will live our lives
You don't stop trying.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
That was the gossip with standing in the way of control.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
It's our Christmas show and we'll be back very shortly.
But first, here is the news.
On digital radio and online, BBC 6 Music.
First time buyers struggle more than ever.
Christmas travel plans cancel for thousands and badly wounded soldier back home for Christmas.
6 Music.
BBC News at 9.30, I'm Catherine Cracknell.
Fewer first-time buyers can now afford to buy a home than at any time since 1980.
As according to the UK's biggest mortgage lender, the Halifax also says the average first-time property now costs £175,000.
Kate and Gerry McCann have filmed a worldwide Christmas appeal at their home in Leicestershire.
In it, Madeleine's mum makes a direct appeal to her daughter.
In other Six Music News, 10,000 people have had their Christmas holiday plans cancelled after a travel company went bust.
Travelscope holidays in Gloucestershire ceased trading yesterday.
Another 30,000 people had holidays booked for the new year.
Paul Clark's from the administrators now running the company.
He says everyone will get their money back.
Those passengers that were due to travel by any form of air travel are covered by the CIA under their ATOL rules.
Anybody else, that would be land and water travelers, are covered under the ABTA rules.
We had detailed discussions with both authorities yesterday and it is absolutely clear that there is no question that they will refund every penny.
A soldier who lost both legs in a landmine blast in Afghanistan last year has left rehab to spend Christmas at home.
Lance Bombardier Ben Parkinson will need specialist medical care for the rest of his life.
There's been controversy over his compensation payout with his mum Diane Durney campaigning for more, but she's delighted he's going home.
This is what we've been waiting for for 16 months.
It's just fantastic to have him home, not to have to leave him, not to have to stick to visiting.
his home with his family.
Six Music's bought cricket and England a short time ago 240 for five in the final test in Sri Lanka.
And the weather dull grey and murky in many places with that cloud quite wet at times.
The southeast once again got the best chance of glimpsing the sun.
Highs not quite as nippy as yesterday averaging around seven to eight.
That's Six Music News, next update 10.30.
Hear any show anytime you like.
Listen again at bbc.co.uk slash six music.
This is a public service announcement.
This is only a test.
Emergency evacuation protests May impair your ability to operate machinery Can't quite tell just what it means to me Keep out of rejection and torture talk destruction Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker Warning, live without
of safety sealed communities.
Did you remember to pay the utility?
Gosh, I'm police like you better not cross.
Is the cop or am I the one that's really dangerous?
Sanitation, expiration, tape, pushing everything.
Or shut up and be a victim of
I'd say a warning, live without warning I'd say a warning, live without warning I'd say a warning, live without warning
Caution!
Police line you better not cross!
Is the cop or am I the one that's really dangerous?
Tenetation!
Exploration tape!
Push a different thing!
Or shut up and be a victim of authority!
Warning!
Live without warning!
I said warning!
Live without warning!
Morning, let us out
Green Day with Warning.
Hey, this is Adam Buxton.
This is Joe Cornish.
The sound you can hear in the background, listeners, is a lovely Christmassy fire.
This is our special Christmas show.
This is the show we're doing closest to the actual day of Christmas.
The sweet spot, the nexus, the pivotal moment of the season.
Yeah.
and we should confess to you right now this is a pre-recorded show so please don't text or email us because it would be a waste and then the whole world would crumble you'd feel used waste we'd feel embarrassed it would be a nightmare but of course because it's Christmas Adam and I have bought each other presents and sitting here beneath a Christmas tree we do actually have a Christmas tree right we wouldn't lie about that no no we're not allowed to lie here no there's no lying you've got a full big Christmas tree uh an invisible one I thought you were gonna say we've got a full-blown Christmas tree
I will.
We've got a full-blown Christmas tree and underneath it is a lovely pile of exciting brightly coloured wrapped presents.
My mind is so pathetic that all I can think of is the filthiness of that.
Just the idea of a full-blown Christmas tree with a big pile of presents just sounds filthy to my mind.
Yeah well that's good.
Anyway listen who shall give first?
I don't know I don't know.
Christmas is all about giving.
It's true isn't it?
Well why don't you have...
1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3.
Let's start with you giving me a present, because you've bought me more presents than I've bought you, really.
But it depends on the quality of the individual present, doesn't it?
Well, how do you rate the quality of your presents?
What, the ones that I've bought for you?
Yeah.
What method do I use, or how would I actually rate them?
Yeah, how would you rate them?
Very high.
Very high?
Yeah.
Do you think I would genuinely like any of the presents you've got me?
All of them.
I tell you, do you know how long it took me to get these presents?
No.
25 minutes.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you know how much their total worth is?
I would say £8.
No, that's about £15, £16 worth of presents.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm just going to tot up mine quickly in my head.
Yours are worth about, actually...
Well, yours are worth about 20 quid.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow, that's exciting.
Here you go, here's the first present.
So here we go, it's very exciting, listeners.
Do you know what that is?
Can you tell?
Well, it feels like a CD.
Over the years I've become quite adept at identifying wrapped objects.
Yeah, of course.
And this is quite clearly a CD.
Opening it up.
Oh, this actually looks quite good.
Well, I know.
It's a CD.
It's called Steel in Christmas.
And it's got a large man playing a steel drum.
He's sort of leaning on the steel drum and kind of poking something inside it.
And the steel drum's got Holly attached to it.
He's called Brent Holder.
Maybe Ben, our producer for today, could stick it on for us.
Yeah, here we go.
I'm going to pass the CD there to Ben.
The only thing that is a little bit suspicious making is the covers cracked there.
You know, does that mean it's secondhand or it's a reject from your collection or has it merely been handled roughly?
Dr. Barnardo's.
Really?
Yeah.
Is it secondhand?
It is.
Do you own, do you know what this record is?
Track two, let's go for track two.
Because the first one, what's track two called?
Track two is called Ding Dong Merrily on High.
I've heard of that one.
It's not recognisable yet but it will be in a second.
Nice little intro here.
Ready?
Ding dong merrily on high.
I live in Jamaica.
I'm playing the steel drums.
This is great.
It's good, isn't it?
There we go.
There's a biography here.
It says the Port of Spain Police Youth Club in Trinidad was the first place Brent started playing the steel pan instrument from the tender age of eight.
Wow, so he's a kind of steel pan expert.
That's exciting.
It's good, isn't it?
Because it sounds almost synthesized.
You know, it's like he's so precise, but this is real steel drum playing you're hearing, folks.
What's his name again, the guy?
His name is Brent Holder.
That sounds like a Star Trek actor.
Yeah, well Brent Spiner played Data.
So what drew you to this?
Well to be honest I just thought it might be fun just to play on the show a little bit and I thought you'd dig it because you know you've got questing kind of musical tastes don't you?
And you enjoy the rhythm and the blues and that kind of thing.
Exactly.
So I thought a bit of steel drum would be nice.
And you know what I was thinking as well?
The other day when we did Song Wars Christmas songs, I was originally going to go down the steel drum route.
I went down a different route in the end, but I was very attracted to that.
Are you drinking your Prosecco incidentally?
Me?
I've had a couple of sips, yeah.
I've had more than a couple of sips.
I'm pacing myself.
It's not even ten o'clock, I'm a little bit tooty.
Yeah.
We should probably play some music.
That's very kind man, thank you very much.
Are you genuinely a little bit happy with that?
Not really.
You know, a little bit.
Will you play it?
A little bit.
That crack's really taken the edge off it though.
I genuinely thought about rehousing it.
It's funny isn't it, when you have a CD and the case cracks, for me it just takes the edge off the whole... I know what you mean.
The band, the career and the music within.
I'm sorry about that.
Just feels cheap.
How much was it?
Is that an un-Christmassy question to ask?
A little bit, a little bit un-Christmassy.
Three pats.
Three pats?
Yes.
Shall we have some music?
Yeah.
Let's have, this is Ding Dong Merrily on High by Brent Halter.
We've had that.
This is Ida Maria with Drive Away My Heart.
No longer hanging around You should capture my view Cause I don't want nothing else but you
Cause there's no longer mine Oh, drive away my heart tonight Cause there's no longer mine I wanna give you love
There's no
It's no longer mine It's no longer mine
Wow, she just refused to die there.
She's like an animal caught in a trap and she had a couple death throes there.
And what's Christmas going to be like at Ida Maria's house?
Very serious.
Quite confused.
Lots of strange pauses and then sudden noises.
I got you a dictionary.
I think her family died but they're still sitting around the table.
Right.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre style.
Hi there.
She tries to force a hammer into her father's hand.
That's nasty business isn't it?
What an appalling image.
It's from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
I know what I'm saying.
Kids love that film.
Kids watch that film these days.
That is one of the most horrific moments in cinema isn't it?
It is.
It's horrible business.
Let's not take that any further because it's Christmas and we should banish that thought of that kind of necrophiliac in a party chit chat.
We should banish it from our minds.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.
Merry very nearly Christmas, listeners.
Adam and I, to celebrate the season, have done something that everybody does and brought each other presents.
Adam has just given me a marvellous CD.
a ton of steel drum music.
I wish listeners could see the cover art on this thing.
Would you not even play that like at a little party just for a little bit?
A very small party.
A very very small party.
One with nobody there.
Here's a present for you.
Thanks man.
It's alright.
This is a small present listeners and it should be noted that Joe Cornish has wrapped his presents this year in newspaper.
Man that was
in the newspaper.
Mrs Radio, there was no need for you to actually be transparent about her.
I thought the listeners should know.
Because I took the time to wrap your stuff in nice silver paper from a shop.
It's true.
And the paper actually was probably worth more than the gift.
But no, I only mention that because in previous years I've been a bit slack about my wrapping.
I remember one year I didn't wrap anything at all, I just handed you stuff.
Another year you didn't buy anything.
That's probably true.
Yeah, no you're always buddy, but look at what newspaper.
I've wrapped it in what the Daily Telegraph Yeah, do you read the Daily Telegraph sport pages you're good at reading newspapers, though How many newspapers do you buy a day just the one no?
I didn't that was that was got from the six music used newspaper pile Telegraph's a good paper though isn't I'm not a big newspaper reader.
I have to yeah, it's alright.
Oh look manager of the month
Hey, focus on the present, not the paper.
I mean, it is lovely paper.
Congratulations to Paul Cook from Nuneaton.
Frankly, he had a cracking November as his team.
The Crook Face is twat.
Man, you're being very rude.
Sorry, mate.
Sorry.
Describe what's happening.
Talk us through it.
Oh, McLeish arrival to end takeover.
I'm sorry now listen.
I've unwrapped it and in the middle.
It's a kind of oh my gosh What is this?
It's a sort of tube a little tube this a little smaller than a tube of smarties Actually, maybe half the size of a tube of smarties if you go about it this way you'll never figure out what it is What do you think it is?
There's a telescope, a firework.
Could it be?
It looks like a firework.
It looks like the cardboard middle of a firework.
Otherwise we'll be here all evening.
I got this from that music shop in the Tottenham Court Road.
Is it called McCrammy?
It looks like the kind of musical instrument that Damon Albarn would use for one of his albums.
It is a musical instrument.
It's what they call a jaw harp.
Oh.
Yeah, have you ever used one of those before?
No.
During the next record you can figure out how to use it but you put it between your lips, you open your mouth and then you go... I just stabbed myself.
You just snapped it against his mouth.
Have you actually cut your lips there?
I don't know, it could have gone right, it could have just pierced my cheek with the harp.
Pace yourself with it.
Oh my lord, am I bleeding?
Uh, not yet, no, but- I am.
Look at that, that's blood mate.
Little bit of blood.
Oh my lord, thanks!
Thanks for the deadly present!
Well, I didn't-
this is not a normal one usually I've seen these things before they're also known in the old world as a Jews harp.
You know they sit around campfires and they go wah wah wah wah wah wah wah.
You're going to be doing that in a second we're going to go for a record.
I'm really bleeding.
Look at this.
It's not my fault.
It's pouring out.
It's not my fault.
I just had two glasses of Prosecco, I'm not coordinated and you give me this deadly device?
Yeah, but it's like me giving you a box of chocolates and then you stuffing them into your eyes and then complaining that your eyes hurt.
Come on then, you picked this next track, right?
I did, yeah.
This is the Rolling Stones.
It's called Winter.
Are you a Stones fan?
Yeah.
Where'd you hear this song?
I bet this is on a soundtrack, right?
No.
It's a great classic Rolling Stones song.
One of my favourites.
It's called Winter.
It sure been a cold, cold winter In the wind that ain't been blowing from the south It sure been a cold, cold winter And a lot of love is all burnt out
It's been a hard, hard winter My feet, they're dragging close to the ground I hope it's gonna be a long, hot summer And a lot of love will be burning bright
In California When the lights on on Christmas trees went out I've been burning my bare broken candle In the restoration places all around Sure been a cold cold winter
My feet been draggin' cross the ground And the fears has all been brown and barren And the springtime take the long way around And I wish I'd been at the Stony Canyon When the lights on on Christmas trees
Sometimes I think about you baby, well Sometimes I cry about you, Lord
Baby, sometimes I wanna keep you on me Sometimes I wanna wrap my coat around you Sometimes I wanna burn a candle for you Sometimes I wanna wrap my coat around you Sometimes I wanna
Yes, I want to come back
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Make sure you have a pencil handy.
And from 10, Gideon Coe looks back at this year's BBC Electric Proms in London.
Which featured sterling performances, including Ray Davis, Suzy Su, Kaiser Chiefs, Reverend and the Makers, and Mark Ronson with the BBC Concert Orchestra.
Christmas Eve on 6.
On digital, online.
BBC, 6music.
This is Adam and Jo BBC6 Music.
Good morning everybody.
This is our special Christmas show.
We're in a little wooden shack.
We've got a fire going.
And you just heard the Rolling Stones with Winter.
And I just gave Adam his first Christmas present.
It's a jaw harp.
Uh, and during the break, uh, well, during that last record he's been learning how to play it, and before that record he just cut a chunk of his lip off with it.
It's a very sharp, uh, jaw harp, I must say, and I almost immediately, because I'm slightly malcoordinated, shoved it right in my cheek.
I was flattered by that because you did that because you were so excited.
I was excited about it.
You nearly ate it.
You know, it slightly puts my present to you to shame because it's a far more creative and it's something that I could use in the future as well to maybe for song wars, that kind of thing.
It's great.
And it looks pretty as well.
But I think you're going to like your next present.
Really?
Very much.
Before we move on to that, I'd like to hear some of your jaw harp stylings.
Hold it by the tip because you've got to let it resonate.
It's all about resonation.
What do you want me to play?
I'd like you to play Orange Juice's track, I Can't Help Myself.
Four tops, I can't help myself, I can't help myself.
That's good.
That's quite good.
That's the sound of Adam beginning to learn to play the jaw harp.
And in a few months time, he might be one of Britain's leading jaw harpists.
Try and change the note.
What do you mean change it?
I'm changing it all over the area.
Hang on.
That's good.
That's a great idea for a Christmas present, even though I say it myself.
It costs like six quid, you know?
I mean, you know, you don't get many more notes than that out of it, do you?
Oh no you do.
Here look, take it.
I'm not taking it.
It's got all your germs all over it.
It's got all my blood all over it.
I'll have a little go of it during the next record.
Here's a session track recorded for the David Kidd Jensen Show on Radio One on the 25th of August.
August, April 1982.
What a year 82 was.
And this is orange juice.
A classic year.
And after this, who's giving who a present?
I don't know.
We might wait till the next hour.
Oh my gosh.
Are we in the next hour?
Very nearly.
Here's orange juice with I can't help myself.
I always thought I could fall from the heights, land on my feet.
Now I'm considering throwing you the towel.
Can't help myself
Try as one might, that was supposed to sound Very profound, probably sounds trite Just like the photons, I can't help myself, I can't help myself
I can't help myself I can't help myself
I thought I had to tell the world about you I thought I had to tell the world about you I thought I had to tell the world Tell the world
Christmas 07 on 6.
Right about now, I'm gonna drop some Mahanaka Science.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, this is it.
I press a button, make the gentleman cry.
I rock a beat to make the hamburger fry.
I funk this joint and tricked out holiday gear.
In a holiday mode Safe like a seatbelt in a Volvo Keeping it real like a spray snow tree We'll shut it down harmoniously Rock it softly 808 beats
I get this shit lit like a menorah This funk so illegal, think I might need a lawyer Not a fire starter, but my beats get harder In a mouth like an allowance Footwear, I rock when you bounce 100 minutes on a check Check the mic or rock it, getting every sweat Meals of black in the tracks, exactly
ejaculating like buffet tables and record labels willing to enable putting my funk in a place that needs beat lifestyles that are slippin' sleazy spinnin' rhymes like um, like a cradle kinda signs I'm gonna get back into the cradle of my shit sometimes this track's so poignant somebody please pass me some kind of ointment I'll put these rhymes together like a thief clear up your nose like a eucalyptus fleet and I'll put the signs so you don't even know what hit you next thing you know you're 15 and you're gonna vomit spinnin'
Baruch atah Adonai Adonai Adonai Adonai Adonai Adonai Adonai
That was Beck with Little Drum Machine Boy, and that was a little remix that I did myself.
Did you?
Yeah, because the actual track, which I think is on the B-side of, oh I forget, it was on, you know what, it was on a freebie giveaway thing that came with Select Magazine years ago.
And it was a really good little sort of EP.
Is it rude?
There was a little bit of rudeness in there.
Hope it didn't offend anybody but also It went on for hours.
The original thing was like so you kind of impressed it did a little compression on it.
Good work I hope you enjoyed it Anyway, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music.
It's our Christmas show even though it's only the 22nd You still got a load of time to do all your present buying.
Yeah hurry and hey, Merry crinkles Chris Christmas listeners yeah, exactly because Christmas is our favorite time of year and
you know even if you don't necessarily believe in every single aspect of it it's still a nice time just to take stock relax a little bit if you're lucky enough to get some time off from your hard work just see some friends you know uh are you big on the christmas card situation joe
No, I'm ashamed to say I've never sent a Christmas card in my life.
That's lucky, man.
I envy you because there's no real reason for it.
And it's just a sort of insane routine that people get into that gets worse as you get older.
It's a policy decision, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Weirdly, our friend Louis Theroux, you might occasionally see him on the telly.
This year, Christmas cards.
Right.
Never before.
Well he's a family man now.
It's true isn't it?
I think if you have the kiddles and all that sort of business Christmas cards become part of the whole deal.
I'm one of these people that puts their children on their Christmas cards.
What do you mean by that?
I actually place both the boys on top of the card and I shove them into the letterbox and then they accompany the card.
Just to get rid of them.
No that's not true.
I take pictures of them in cute poses.
Oh God.
You're like that American woman that does the awful pictures of babies.
What's she called, Anne Geddes?
Geddes?
Yeah, I'm exactly like her.
No, it's mainly for... You look very like her.
Thank you.
It's mainly for my parents, you know, because they get, and it's for me and my wife as well, we enjoy dressing them up and making them look ludicrous.
But I can't stop myself doing it, even though a lot of my friends I know disapprove and think it's very tacky and ludicrous and sort of show-offy to parade my children in Christmas card.
Correct.
But I like doing it.
What are they dressed in this year?
This year, well, we've left it quite late this year.
We haven't done it yet.
We haven't done it yet.
No, it's the 22nd and we still haven't done our Christmas card.
So it might be a sort of New Year motif.
What are you thinking?
What are you thinking, costume-wise?
I'm thinking, well, generally we go fairly traditional with the costumes.
Just a Christmas hat.
Like a little Christmas hat.
They're old enough to resist now, aren't they?
Man, they've been old enough to resist for the last three years.
They hate it.
Do they?
They absolutely hate it.
Really?
I think you should do them up like celebrities, like they do in Heat magazine.
Honestly, that's what I've been waiting for.
Really?
Every year I think if there was a prominent celebrity couple, I'd just photoshop their faces in there.
Who are the key couple this year?
Brown and Blair, I think.
Brown and Blair.
You could have done a sort of satirical political pose.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Have you seen that advert?
I think it's for Schweppes or something like that where it's a it's it's a kind of Photoshop job of a bar and everybody's in there giving each other gifts.
Is it an Alison Jackson?
Is she called Alison Jackson?
The artist who does all the celebrity lookalikes.
Right, it's lookalikes, is it?
Yeah, I think so.
There you go.
It's ludicrous.
And it's got Pete Doherty and... Sure.
Yeah.
They're the big people.
And who is it?
It's Posh and Bex is the other one, is it?
There we go.
The Most Famous People 2007, I guess.
That's the consensus.
Blair and Brown, Posh and Bex and Doherty and... What a retarded world we live in.
Yeah, and I'm the king of it.
What do you mean?
Well, I'm the most retarded person in it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, so I'm the king.
Oh.
Now listen, I want to tell you about Frank's nativity play.
Frank is my son, incidentally, listeners.
Hope you won't mind me talking about him.
I'll be talking about his nativity play very shortly, and of course we've got some present-giving business to settle as well shortly.
But first, here's some more music.
This is Interpol, the most Christmassy band in the world, with the Heinrich Manuver.
Those shoes will go roaming in the night But how are things on the west coast?
You keep it moving to your soul's delight Now I've tried the brakes I've tried but you know it's a lonely ride How are things on the west coast?
Oh, I'd move heaven behind
Want a piece of mystery?
No, I don't want to read your thoughts anymore, my darling.
Just a day my heart swings.
Yeah, a day my heart swings.
How are things on the west coast?
Tonight, you wear those shoes side to side.
Oh, stuff those shoes.
You'll be roaming in the night.
Well, how are things on the west coast?
Yeah, but you're an actress.
What a taste of victory No, I don't wanna
For a sweet, safe life I stand proud and gutted
That was Interpol with the Heinrich Maneuver.
This is Alan and Joe on BBC6 Music coming to you from our Christmas shack here in central London where we've got a lovely, cosy roaring log fire.
And Alan's now gonna what?
We've got Booker T and the MG's playing in the corner there.
Yeah.
Right lads?
Just a few Christmas songs.
Thank you, bye!
Thank you, have a nice time!
How are you, Joe?
Fine, thanks.
Keep it down.
Booker T. Washington was speaking there.
Now, Adam, you were going to tell us about your son's nativity play.
I'm going to sit back and drink my, what is this?
Prosecco.
Prosecco, yeah.
early in the morning but it's alright because it's Christmas.
It's nice isn't it?
Yeah.
You feeling a little bit tooty now?
A tiny bit tooty yeah.
Taking the edge off a little bit?
I've got a very low tolerance for alcohol so I'm entering the headache phase.
Are you immediately?
Almost immediately.
My enjoyment lasted about four seconds.
That tends to be the problem with sparkling wine.
Yeah.
Go for it though.
Tell us about the nativity play.
Well, I went to my son Frank's nativity play, he's about five and a half now, and this was the first time that he's been involved with a school play production thing and not immediately started crying as soon as he appeared on the stage and ran away.
Because he finds it too much, it's overwhelming, you know, he's not a natural performer in that respect.
But this time, man, he nailed it.
He had a line, his line was...
We come bearing gifts of gold, precious frankincense and myrrh.
And he also sang many of the songs.
He didn't solo it, but he was a very valuable part of the choir.
So I was extremely proud.
But my enjoyment of the whole thing was somewhat...
What's the word?
Mard.
Mard, mollified, offset.
By, not mollified certainly, but offset.
By the fact that Christmas nativity play now is a total scrum.
Is there any other kind of nativity play apart from a Christmas one?
No.
But it's a total scrum.
In the video age, the phone age, right, and the camera age, parents are just going absolutely nuts.
Well this is like the paparazzi.
Was it in a movie or a TV sketch show?
I can remember seeing a sequence in something where
Uh, it's like a press call.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like the world's press are taking photos of, uh, David Beckham and his weird, bulgy knick-knocks.
Yes.
People are just crazy.
Exactly.
And kind of, uh, it's as if human beings don't have memories anymore.
Right.
Do you know what I mean?
I always think if something really means something, if you just look at it really hard with your eyes, there are nerve endings in the brain that record it, you know?
And that might be a bit more meaningful.
In a way, filming stuff or taking photos is actually reductive.
To a degree.
I'm just giving you, I'm being devil's advocate.
Yes, yes, yes.
But certainly, when you see things like that, and I think I've been to a Friends nativity play where I witnessed a very similar scene, and yeah, one does think, man, this has gone too far.
Was the scene something to do with Mary and Joseph?
It was a similar scene, yeah.
It was that kind of scene.
I mean, it's unusual, of course, these days to see something that traditional
there's only 5% of schools are doing traditional Nativity plays because the Killjoys want to stamp it out.
Yeah.
So we're told.
But anyway.
Well there's many different religions in the country.
Yeah but the other religions are not going around saying you know what makes me sick is Nativity plays.
I think it's mainly sort of.
You've got to be inclusive with little kids.
Yeah.
It's a tricky subject.
It's a kind of political hot potato that we don't like to handle here on the Hot Potato Show.
Let's open that political hot potato.
It's delicious.
Put a knob of butter in and a little bit of cheese.
Mmm, just a knob maybe That's a delicious hot potato.
Thanks very much.
But no, I was thinking all the same stuff that you were saying previously about Memorizing things and the value of memory as opposed to just the stock Image from a phone cam or whatever But it didn't stop me rushing down there and trying to get a little shot I knelt at the front because the problem in the church was that
that you know you got all the people in the pews it's a packed house in the pews but the children actually involved with the production were not raised up there was no stage or anything and they were very close to the front row so only the front row got a good view everyone else was stuffed it sounds badly directed it was i'll do next year yeah could you yeah and i was thinking if they'd asked me i would have got them some cheap staging some cheap risers you know i could have sorted the whole thing out it wouldn't have been a big scrum
But no, they wouldn't ask me about it.
And instead it was a disaster.
Was it?
It was the biggest disaster.
No it wasn't, it was charming.
I bet it was charming.
I wish I could have seen a little more.
Some schools have banned recording devices, haven't they?
Have they?
From their plays.
Probably quite wisely.
I mean it was out of control here.
There was people with massive telephoto lenses and stuff.
Really?
Yeah.
It was way out of control.
The thing is when you're filming something like that that you don't actually kind of, you know, where it's not a proper film, it's probably hard to know where to point the camera.
Right.
Do you go for wide?
Do you zoom in for a close-up?
How did you handle?
You were just on Frank the whole time.
Zooming in, yeah, I don't want the whole Angel chorus.
You're not interested in any of the other kids, you just want Frank.
I got an establish here, but mainly I wanted Frank, he was looking sweet there with his halo.
Then the problem is, once you zoom in on a digital camera, it's total block-o-vision.
Oh, you were taking stills, you weren't taking video.
I was taking video, but on the mini camera.
Ah.
So, I'm probably never gonna see it again.
And my memory of the whole thing is just a kind of mad photo scrum with Franklin somewhere in the middle of it.
What's the world come to?
I don't know.
I don't know either.
Would you like some music to help me think about it?
Sure, okay.
What have you got?
I've got only one of the best songs ever recorded by a human being.
Is this what I think it is?
It's Duffy with Rock Fairy.
It's not what I thought it was.
I fill my house, baby, with sorrow.
I leave my shadow to fall behind.
And I want to rise to you, because I'm not
The midnight trains are boarding All wrapped for paint I pick my load and I fill my truck Before it's too late I leave the stars to judge
Going to think of you I'll get the blues There's no sleep on the journey Away from time A bag of songs and a heavy heart
And I
That's good, isn't it?
We sort of gave it a rather inappropriate introduction.
I knew it was sniggering.
Sniggering and snorting, but not at the music.
It just happened to be a good moment for a snigger and a snort.
But that was Duffy with Rock Fairy.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
It's our Christmas show.
We're in our little shack.
We've got our fire going.
We're playing some good Christmassy songs.
We've got some presents to give.
I think it's time for our next present very shortly, don't you think?
Yeah, what about right now?
Right now you say I'm greedy for prezzies.
Okay, then prezzies you can what would you say Adam Buxton?
Was the best present you've ever been given in your whole life for Christmas the most excited you ever been well the most excited That's easy.
The most excited was when I got my
Excuse me, when I got my Sony Trinitron colour television... How old were you?
I was 12.
Wow.
And so that would have been 1981, 1982.
Is that the first telly you actually owned in your bedroom?
Yeah, first TV and my parents were very reluctant to give it to me, you know, obviously, because you don't... It has had a seriously detrimental effect.
Well, exactly.
No, I mean, it essentially made it possible for me to earn money in my later life in this ludicrous manner, because it meant that I could watch a huge amount of all kinds of television at any time, and it was great.
And it's still working today.
It's still in my house.
Really?
Yeah, it's a classic little TV.
Wow.
Well, how about you?
Probably the Play People fire engine.
Really?
They're called Playmobil now.
Yeah.
But I was obsessed with play people.
Uh, and yeah, I got a play people fire engine.
And because my birthday is very near Christmas.
Right.
Uh, it was a joint birthday present.
Yeah.
My parents couldn't afford it.
Oh really?
Uh, they couldn't afford the whole play person fire engine.
How old were you?
I knew that when they thought it was too sort of greedy and demanding.
What was this, 26, 27 years old?
27.
27?
No, I don't know.
Probably about
nine eight or nine right I did play with those toys till a lot later than most children though yeah I was still playing with them when I was 13 did you used to make sort of dioramas out of your sheets like mountains and stuff 16 what what were you doing with them yeah yeah absolutely the Empire Strikes Back snow caves yes exactly from duvets yeah and oh you don't want me to get into that oh but yeah what an exciting time yeah for everybody with the Christmas oh Christmas right
Yeah.
So listen, let's have another record before we do another present.
It's very exciting.
You know, looking at these presents, obviously one over the years becomes able to discern what a present is.
Adam, can you tell what my presents are for you?
Am I allowed to do some handling?
Yeah, absolutely.
You can handle this one.
Oh my gosh.
What do you think that one is?
Describe it to the listeners.
It's wrapped in newspaper.
Just stop saying that.
This is radio.
You paint pictures in people's minds.
That could be any kind of paper.
It feels like a double CD.
with a little book on top of it.
Would that be right?
I'm not gonna tell you whether it was right or wrong.
It's right.
What about this one?
What's that one?
This feels, it's got the same dimensions as a headphone, a pair of headphones in a plastic case.
Now do you have to, are your Christmas presents under your tree for your kids already?
Yes they are, yeah.
And do you have to control their squeezing and fondling?
Yes we do.
What about Christmas presents?
That's totally inappropriate.
It's not necessarily sexual.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah.
Because otherwise it gets way out of control.
But they're both old enough not to rip all the paper off and stuff.
Are they?
Yeah, it's okay.
That's good.
They're very well behaved.
They're pretty well behaved.
Looking at your presence that you've given me, I'd say that's a DVD.
I'd say that's a book.
And that's probably a Panini sticker album.
Is it a golden compass?
No it's not a golden compass.
What did the golden compass panini sticker album?
Have another guess.
Go on I bet you'll never guess which one it is.
It's so funny.
Is it a panini sticker album?
It's not panini but it does involve stickers.
Oh I know too much already.
I'm not going to say anymore.
Alright listen here's some more music and this is another Christmas classic.
I mean this is probably played on heavy rotation every Christmas now and quite right too because it's one of the loveliest songs
ever written, whether it's Christmas or not, it's the Pogues and Kirsty McCall.
The rare old mountains you I turned my face away And dreamed about you Got on a lucky one Caught in a tainted one I've got a feeling Plus years from making you
So happy Christmas I love you baby I can see a better time When all our dreams come true
They got cars big as bars, they got rivers of gold Throw the windows right through you, it's no place for the old When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve You promised me Broadway was waiting for me You were handsome, you were pretty clean, I'm New York City When the band finished playing, they held out for more So natural swinging, for the jump they were singing We kissed on the corner, then danced through the night The boys of the airline, here we come
And the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day
You're a punk!
You're an old slut on chocolate and they're almost dead and they're drippin' that boat!
You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot!
Happy Christmas, you're ours, I beg God, it's our love!
The boys of the NYPD are still singing, going back!
And the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day!
I could have been someone Well, so could anyone You took my dreams from me When I first found you I kept them with me, babe I packed them with my own Can't make it out alone I built my dreams around you
And the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day
There we go, that was The Pose and Kirsty McColl.
Coming up after the news, all sorts of fantastic music and more present opening, but first, the news.
On digital radio and online, BBC, Six Music.
McCann's Christmas Appeal, more gloomy housing market news and play abandoned in Sri Lanka.
And in Six Music News, tributes to Joe Strummer and Radiohead Cledge on Carbon Footprint.
Six Music.
For BBC News at 10.30, I'm Catherine Cracknell.
Kate and Gerry McCann have made a Christmas appeal for their daughter.
The video includes three clips of Madeleine filmed last Christmas.
Kate thanked people for their support.
So many people have been so kind and helpful.
They've come forward with pieces of information.
They've offered us help and support in so many ways.
We'd like to thank everybody who has shown us that compassion.
It's more difficult to get on the housing ladder than at any time since 1980.
That's according to the UK's biggest mortgage lender.
The Halifax says the average first-time home is now £175,000.
In other Six Music News, thousands of people are having to change their Christmas travel plans, because their tour operator's gone bust.
Travelscope's administrators are reassuring customers they'll get refunds.
Wendy Owen was supposed to be going to Germany.
We just heard on the local radio that they've gone into administration, and that was it.
I phoned them out, but I can't get anyone on the phone.
It just is a recorded message saying that they've gone into administration.
Because I don't know if I'm going away or not.
The body of a crewman on a cap-sized tugboat has been recovered from the River Clyde.
The search is continuing for two others, but rescuers say as they've been missing since Wednesday night, there's little chance of finding them alive.
A coach driver is attracting bemused looks from passengers in South Wales by sporting a plastic Christmas pudding on his head.
Mark Davis spent two and a half hours at the hairdressers getting the design woven into his hair.
It features miniature snowmen, robins and some strobe lighting framed by a silver wreath.
Six Music Sport, Cricket and England have drawn the third and final test with Sri Lanka in gall after rain forced play to be abandoned.
The tourists were trailing by 167 runs on 251 for six.
Sri Lanka take the series 1-0.
And in football in the Premiership, leaders Arsenal play Tottenham this lunchtime.
Six Music News now, here's Andre Payne.
Well, today marks five years since the death of Joe Strummer from a heart defect.
There are tribute gigs tonight at Jam in Brixton and in LA.
Chris Salowitch wrote Joe's biography, Redemption Song, and he explains why people still remember The Clash Front Man.
He rose against considerable odds to become a great figure and icon, and also he had a tragic fall and then rose again.
It's an archetypal story, and I think that's one of the reasons Joe appeals to people so much.
Plus, of course, he wrote such great lyrics, and he was a brilliant performer of those words.
Radiohead have revealed the results of a study of their carbon footprint.
Writing on their blog, Colin Greenwood says that playing city centres will help reduce emissions for their shows, and they want at least three fans in every car travelling to their gigs.
And finally, former Sex Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren has signed up for the new spin-off Big Brother.
He'll join the likes of Jimmy Carr as the voice of Big Brother on the E4 show Celebrity Hijack next month.
That's Six Music using X-Bulletin, it's 11.30.
On Boxing Day morning, join me, Mark Lamarr, on Six Music front ten.
As you've come to expect from our Boxing Day shows, there'll be joylessness, a Murfree zone, not a Christmas tune in earshot, but three hours of the best music this year's provided.
On Six Music.
Love can tear them apart again Why is it better to suffer?
Okay.
Love, love, love, love, love
Joy Division with Love Will Tear Us Apart.
I preferred Paul Young's version of that from the album No Parlay.
I forgot he did one of that.
One of them.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC6 music.
Very happy Christmas Saturday morning.
We hope everyone's feeling all Christmassy and warm and loving.
If you're angry about
anything about politics, about maybe the way one of your friends has behaved recently or relatives.
Or what about the way that Al Gore's poisoned the planet?
The way that Al Gore has bought up this whole depressing global warming thing and shoved it down our throats with his silly DVD in its cardboard recycled sleeve.
Thanks for that.
Thanks Al Gore.
Thanks a lot.
The point I was making is just, you know, take a Christmassy chill cake.
A chill cake?
A chill cake.
I didn't bring myself to say pill.
And Christmas is the season of cakes.
Yeah.
So a Christmas chill cake which you make in the following way.
Well it would more likely be a little chill pie wouldn't it?
A little Christmas chill pie.
A chill pie.
Yeah.
A mincing pie.
Chill piechetti.
Chill piechetti and jay goody goody yum yum.
It's just, do you think just saying Chill Pie Chetty is racist?
No.
Could this be a race row?
It could be, if you're lucky, then you'll get famous.
If I concentrate hard enough, it could turn into a race row, so maybe I won't, okay?
Now listen, it's gotta be present time, surely?
It's gotta be present time, and I think it's time for me to give you a present, yeah?
No, it's time for you to receive a present from me, because look, I've got... You see, that's because I like giving more than receiving.
Oh.
You see?
So I've heard.
Now...
Wow, which shall I give you?
I'm gonna give you this one because you might be able to use this throughout the rest of the show and indeed your life.
Now this is a book, listeners, it's rather beautifully wrapped using the classic church fold.
Is that what it's called?
Nope.
the church fold on the top end and the linear flat fold on the bottom the church fold that is a good name for it because you make you know you kind of fold the triangular ends down there you've got all the words i've got all the words i'm unwrapping it now listen to that sound listeners because that's the sound that you're going to be hearing in a couple of days time when you open your presies i bet you're jealous of us opening our presies early
So this is a book.
It's a purple book.
It's called The Friendship Book.
And it's not by someone, it's of someone.
It says The Friendship Book of Francis Gay.
I'm not laughing at the word game designer.
And there's a picture of a woodpecker on a sort of a branch of a tree and it says it's got a thought for each day of 2008.
That's fantastic on the back cover.
I always turn to the back cover.
It says in large quotation marks the friendship book is a glimpse beyond this world and a little bit of heaven on earth.
Are you going to kill me this year?
Well, you never know.
You never know.
That's very exciting.
I'm going to open it up for Joe Love Your Friend Adam.
One Kiss, Christmas 2007.
That's the inscription.
That's very sweet.
It's been inscribed and everything.
He's left the prize on.
£6.50.
Oh no, didn't I?
That's how much his friendship costs.
It's quite good though, 6 pounds 50.
That's quite good, yeah man.
The inner sleeve says that day after day the friendship book has a welcoming thought for every reader.
Heartwarming tales and uplifting quotes to inspire for 12 months and to be treasured for much longer.
Sprinkled throughout are striking images of naked ladies involved in sexual exploits that will boggle the mind.
I made that up.
Sprinkled throughout are striking images of...
Sorry, it's the sparkling wine.
From talented photographers who capture all that's best.
Oh, my sight is splitting.
All that's best.
About the world in which we live.
Okay, sorry.
That's a wheezy laugh from a couple of old tramps.
Okay, let's try and control ourselves and go for a thought.
Pick a day.
Ben, our producer, because you seem to be in control.
Pick a day of 2008.
He hasn't even had his... Man, looking at Ben really sobers me up.
March the 3rd.
Okay, it's gonna take me a little while to find that.
March the 3rd.
So just... As far as I can tell, each day... Are you mocking his choice of date?
No, no, no.
How can you be sarcastic just about a date?
I wasn't being sarcastic about the date.
I was just dealing randomly.
But having flicked through the book myself when I bought it, I can tell you, listeners, that every single day has a little sort of inspiring anecdote or sort of poetic thought for it.
And so let's see what it says for March the 3rd.
OK.
Monday, March the 3rd.
Here is a Native American tale.
A Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life.
A struggle is going on inside me," he said to the youngster.
It is a tough one.
It is a tough one.
And it is between two wolves.
One is evil.
He is envy, greed, guilt, resentment, self-pity, lies and false pride.
The other is goodness.
He is joy, serenity, humility, benevolence, truth and compassion.
The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too.
But tell me which wolf will win the grandson asked the one you feed came the reply Wow, let's just have some music nobody say anything I'd say think about it have some music about oh, this is our British seat power just
Astronomical fans have all gone so welcome here rising in the east and setting in the west all waving flags we're all waving flags now
Of legal drinking age On minimum wage Well welcome in From across the best you are You've come so far and far On waving flags We're on waving flags now Waving flags
And it's all a joke Fear is not done The end is not life It just tastes good Especially tonight
Cross the gap baby
That was British Sea Power with waving flags and we left you before them with a beautiful thought, a little story actually from one of the gifts that Adam gave to me, the friendship book of Francis Gay and that was a story about a Cherokee Indian and it was very moving actually, it was kind of making the point that everybody has
you know tensions and and envy and greed inside them and also joy and and humility inside them uh and they fight together and the one that wins is the one you feed yeah it's saying my problem is i can't control my feeding times right my brain tends to just scatter a handful of food uh broadly and equally over all areas yeah i find it very hard to get the dispensing of the food in the brain right i wonder what france is gay would have to say of that
Well, have you have you tried though?
Are you are you really definitely trying like what's your most negative?
What's your most negative?
Traits personality right ma man.
That's a big question is my most negative.
Do you know what mine is?
What's yours should I tell you what it's?
probably envy and
What's the feeling when you're watching the Oscars and you absolutely hate everyone there?
That's just healthiness.
Or watching the comedy awards?
Healthiness.
Not that you can watch the comedy awards, of course.
Just healthiness.
That's just normal.
That's being normal.
That's good.
To hate people who are given awards is a good thing.
I'm not so sure.
Would you like that award yourself?
Well... Do you wish you were being given that award?
I mean, it's unlikely that I'm ever going to be in a position to be nominated or win an Oscar, but still, that doesn't stop me envying all the people there in a kind of insane way.
You're mad.
That's just mad.
You're mad.
That's mad.
That's clinically insane.
Well, that's what I'm trying to say.
I'm trying to solve that one.
But, man, this is a lovely book.
And I really really will refer to it every every day You should it's really nice.
Thank you very much for every day.
He can I just pick another one at random?
The friendship book at random and see where we're going here's a little short thing for you, okay?
This is from August Sunday August the 24th 2000 is this something you've prepared you see no I think this is random okay?
And it came to pass nice sniff.
Thanks.
Is that part of it I?
That's a little extra sniff for you there.
And it came to pass that as they went in the way a certain man said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest.
That one's not so good.
It's not so good is it?
This book's got a hidden agenda.
That's from trying to get me into the clerk.
That's from the booble and that's from Luke 9 57 and that's basically the lesson there is just follow people.
Stalking.
Stalking.
If you see a lady you feel is attractive just follow her.
There we go.
It's going to be my turn for a present very shortly.
That's very exciting.
But first, here is some more music.
And this is something that you chose, isn't it?
Yeah, this is a free play from me, Joe Cornish.
This is by a band called The White Stripes.
And this is the closest thing.
Have they done a lot of Christmas-related material?
I feel as if they have, because their whole colour scheme is, of course, quintessentially Christmas.
It is.
It's very Santa-related, their colour scheme.
But here's the closest I could find to a Christmas song from The White Stripes.
This is, I think, a B-side of theirs.
This is called Candy Cane Children.
Don't you know your name, girl?
Twelve people gonna ask you just the same, girl What a world, Christmas once a year, girl That's 364 tears, girl So when Christmas finally comes And nobody's got a gun And your finger might be fine
Think again, girl
Nine people gonna tell you just the same, boy You're a lonesome in the middle of a million And nobody knows how to talk to children Oh, when Christmas finally comes And nobody's got a gun And you think it might be fun to get a new toy Think again, boy
Adam and Joe's on six music Roll river, keep on rolling Ancient lady, call I'm forsaken
Lost and forgotten Roll river, roll Roll river, roll river, roll Let it take me
Free and unchaining Ancient lady, hold Keep on rollin' Roll on forever Oh please sail me home
Rojo River Rojo River Rojo You hold my body Lost and forsaken In your deep water's cold
Oh sacred river, take me to my sweetheart My lonely bones, will she remember?
Oh river take me on my journey
Deep dark waters, deliver your secrets River angel rise Roar river, roar river, roar
Roll over my bones
Lovely stuff.
You can't really argue with that, can you?
I mean, you could, but you'd be, you'd be foolish.
You'd be such a fool.
Salom and Joe on a BBC six music.
We're just coming up to 11 o'clock and, uh, we should say who that was.
And so that was Richard Hawley.
That was taken from one of the, uh, hub sessions.
In fact, from the best of the hub sessions this year.
Um, various other shows on six music are playing tracks from the, uh, the hub sessions.
And that was our one from that, that.
You know what?
I figure probably nobody is listening right now.
You reckon?
Because I think everyone's gone to do their last minute Chrissy shopping.
I'm glad they didn't hear that last thing I said about Richard Hawley because it was just a sort of rambly mishmash of... Is it okay?
Yeah.
It's alright.
I think everyone's probably doing crinkle shopping.
This has got to be the busiest Saturday of the year.
It's a very important Saturday for the High Street and their, you know, money takings.
Mmm.
Of course.
You're brilliant.
Thanks.
It's been a tough year for the High Street.
Yeah.
Due to Al Gore and global warming.
Thanks a lot to Al Gore.
Thanks a lot Al.
Profits have gone down.
There's looking to be a recession in 08.
The world banks have had to club together to try and stave off the recession.
Joke.
And there's the result.
I don't know why this is funny.
Makes me very serious.
We're laughing because it's so serious.
We can't deal with it.
Well it's funny because you're making it up.
I'm not making it up.
This is all stuff I've read in the papers.
This is all true.
And the high street's had a very tricky year so get out there and spend for Britain's sake.
It is comforting though.
Buy anything, just go and buy rubbish.
It's comforting to give bad news in that voice.
Bad news like that?
Yeah.
Yeah because it makes it sound idiotic.
If you talk about anything bad or give bad news in a funny voice it does make it a little easier to take.
Do you know what that funny voice is saying?
What?
It's saying that that's the sort of collective opinion of newspapers and stuff and it's saying that, you know, it's probably not true.
Isn't it my turn for a present now?
It's your turn for a present, Adam, and I'd like to give you... I'd like to give you your... It's tricky.
I don't know whether... I'm gonna give you your... Yeah, this present.
Here we go.
Now, this is a double header.
There's two presents in here.
Yeah, man.
This is the one that I felt this one earlier.
I felt it up and I surmised that it was a double CD and a book of some kind.
Yeah.
So here we go.
I'm unwrapping.
I was correct about the book.
And the price is on this one one pound 50 from bookends and it is oh I was right about the double CD as well the book is Billy Piper the rollercoaster life of Britain's hottest star hmm I know you're a big fan written by Chris Stevens.
Have you got that already?
No, I don't have this one already
I've bought it for you before.
You left the price on Eamonn Holmes as well.
Both those price tags are part of the design.
Are they?
Yeah.
The double CD is the autobiography of Eamonn Holmes, subtitled This Is My Life.
Read by?
It's read by Eamonn Holmes.
Now I'm interested to know whether it's divided into chapters and if it is what the chapters are titled.
Because Eamonn Holmes, has he had quite a dramatic and stormy life?
He must have had to deserve an autobiography.
Or has he had a sort of warm... I'm looking at Ben, our producer.
He must have had a crazy life.
He must have had a crazy life, a double CD.
Where did Eamonn Holmes, was he a news reader to begin with or a gardener?
What's the genesis of Holmes?
I really don't know.
It's all to find out.
Here we go.
I see you've kind of, you've really pinned your colours to the mast, nailed them to the mast, attached them to the mast in some way because you've gone for Holmes much speedier than Billy.
I'm starting with, I've always been slightly fascinated by Eamonn Holmes, I have to admit.
Can we hear some of this Ben?
Can we stick some of that in?
Have a look in the pamphlet, Adam, and bear with us here, listeners.
There isn't an atmosphere of excitement here in the studio, because we do have the Amon Holmes triple disc.
Triple disc.
How much was it again?
It was four pounds.
Four pounds.
Where'd you get this one from?
I got that in a secondhand bookshop.
You looked through there.
So let's have a look at Amon Holmes.
Jones looking through the booklet.
Yes it is.
Like track one is called It Was My Mum's Idea To Call Me Amon dot dot dot.
Track two is called People Have Got Used To Seeing Me Early dot dot dot.
Chapter 13 is called My Partner Ruth Always Tells Me That She Knows... That's 57 seconds.
Is there a chapter called My Drugs Hell?
Let's have a look.
There's a chapter called We Arranged It Very Quickly.
It's 19.58 seconds.
There's a chapter called It's Strange How People Use Words.
That's 13 seconds.
7 seconds long?
This is the best gift ever, why am I giving this away?
Listen, Ben's loaded up CD 1, what track on CD 1 should he play?
CD 1, I would go for, well track 9 is called One of the Great Secrets of Life.
Dot dot dot.
Let's hear that.
One of the Great Secrets of Life.
Okay, that's enough.
My God.
So the gist of that is, what, how is that, how can he call that part of his autobiography?
Because it's wisdom that he's picked up, but it's not wisdom that's exclusive to Holmes, though.
Well, yeah, but it's good, you know, for people who like Holmes, they might listen to Holmes more readily than they would listen to somebody else.
It's important that he delivers the nuggets of wisdom.
Right.
And what was the thrust of it?
If you don't like animals, don't become a vet.
Don't become a vet.
That's fairly basic stuff, isn't it?
No.
Have you done it?
Yeah, I've become a vet.
And you hate animals?
I hate animals.
You've been very, very stupid.
I'm such a jerk.
No, Eamonn Holmes is obviously a lovely chap, and we wouldn't mean to mock him.
I like him.
Hey man, did you ever see him on, what's that Rob Brydon show called, Annually Retentive?
Sure.
He appeared on that, he was very good at doing a little Eamonn Holmes cameo.
Right.
As quite a scary, threatening man.
He was brilliant.
Yeah, he's funny, he's got a cheeky sense of humour, but, wow, imagine actually buying that.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, but I gave it to you.
Do you think I'm going to listen to it?
I think you probably are.
I hope you are.
I am.
You know what I secretly hope?
What?
That we might do a song wars that might involve samples.
Ooh.
Samples.
You know.
Good idea.
Yeah.
No, stuff like that is great for long drives, you know.
For longers.
Longers.
Now, I haven't even tackled Billy Piper's autobiography yet.
Why don't you have a look through it during the next record and we'll read it from that after that.
six music Christmas 07 on six
So what difference does it make?
So what difference does it make?
But now you have gone and you must be looking very old tonight The devil will find work for idle hands to do I stole and I cried and why?
Because you asked me to But now you make me feel so ashamed Because I've only got two hands But I'm still fond of you
But now you know the truth about me, you won't see me anymore Well, I'm still fond of you But no more apologies, no more, no more apologies I'm too tired, I'm so sick and tired
Hahaha
That's The Smiths with a song by The Smiths.
What was it called?
It was called What Difference Does It Make?
What Difference Does It Make?
Sorry, I was, I had my head in the Billy book that you just gave me.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6Music by the way and it's our Christmas special programme.
We haven't called it special before but I'm now calling it special.
That could mean anything, it could mean it's like awful.
But it also could mean it's great.
And part of the idea of this show is that we give each other presents.
We've been giving each other presents through the whole show and recently I gave Adam an amazing double whammy of Eamonn Holmes's 3CD autobiography set reading stuff about his own life, which was brilliant.
We heard an extract from it earlier.
And I also gave Adam, what did I give you?
the billy piper um biography it's not her autobiography it was written by chris stevens and someone else well that's always the best isn't it because it's it's kind of muckraking it's about the roller coaster life of britain's hottest star now already there she there's it's been a big year for piper she's been in the french letters of a naughty lady or whatever have you watched any of that show
Uh, no.
It is surprisingly filthy.
Is it filthy?
It's scandalized the world of genuine prostitutes who say it glamorizes the profession.
It certainly does that.
Does it?
Yeah, quite well.
No, I haven't watched it at all.
But exciting to be holding that book, eh, Adam?
And you've been flicking through it during the Smiths there.
Page 142, Clouds on the Horizon.
After a week of convivial living at the Sandy Lane Hotel, Chris got into a steaming row with the barman.
The dispute was petty, over charges for a round of drinks that Chris couldn't remember ordering.
This is Evans we're talking about, right?
This is Evans.
As Chris's voice rose and guests started to stare, Billy suggested they should just pay the bill and forget it.
With rooms at £2,100 a night, was a £50 bar tab worth the hassle?
Chris refused.
With the dispute suddenly threatening to wreck the day, Billy asserted herself.
Let's not do this anymore!
Is that the end of the story?
Yes.
Wow.
According to guests who watched open-mouthed in embarrassment, Chris went ballistic.
He accused her of undermining him and shouted at Billy.
until she burst into tears and walked out.
A barman asked Chris to leave a few moments later.
The following day they spent a part with Billy joining friends on a yacht.
That may have been the beginning of the end for the Piper Evans relationship.
I think it was.
Wow, what a book.
Does it have pictures?
Oh yes.
I think it's got two sets of pictures.
Two sets of pictures.
It's got the young Billy, because who can forget she was a little popstroll.
you know what was she 14 when she burst on the pop scene very very young very very talented very precocious she always wanted to be famous i remember reading really well she's done it she was one of those girls you know people pour scorn on a new generation of youngsters whose dream it is simply to be famous they don't care about what they actually do to be famous they just want the fame and billy was one of those people but she made it happen she's got the talent she does have a little face slice of talent the talent
And she's made very good choices, and that's it.
I hope you enjoy that book, Adam.
Thanks, man.
It looks as if it's going to be really valuable in my life.
Here's a little more music for you, listeners.
After this, maybe we'll be doing another present.
Yeah, you need a present, man.
I've got two more for you.
I'm feeling bereft.
Here's a little bit of Winehouse with Love Is a Losing Game.
Five story fire as it came Love is a losing game
Loving is a losing hand Self-profess, profound Tell the tips of a word now Know you're a gambling man Loving is a losing hand
Though I battle blind Love is a fate resigned Memories mar my mind Love, it is a fate resigned Over a futile hour
I'm a god
That's lovely, isn't it?
She's a very talented winehouse.
She's got a beautiful, beautiful voice and she produces records that sound like instant classics, like they've been around for centuries, like the sort of thing your parents or your parents' parents might play you and, you know, they've got a... Timeless quality.
...a timeless quality.
That's great, isn't it?
Stop it, Amy.
Take care of yourself.
Pull back.
Whoa, pull back there.
Pull back there from the brink.
yeah maybe 2008 is the year that she's gonna sort herself straightens herself out straightness so young she's still so young so much a life ahead of her don't waste it Amy wipe that jam off your chin on a fresh pair of knickknocks
and that'll do the trick.
That'll do their job.
Would you like a present?
I'd love a present.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music of course and it's our special Christmas special here on a Christmas Saturday and I know it's naughty to be opening presents before the big day.
Don't children follow our example?
For God's sake.
It's very bad we're only doing this because we're trained and we're working for the big British castle.
We're not going to see each other again you know we spend Christmas apart you may be disappointed to hear for medical reasons.
But, you know, we're doing this to get you guys excited about the very act of opening presents and to inspire you to have, you know, a good day shopping for those final purchases or giving money to charity.
That's true.
Or knitting and making things if you don't want to become part of the awful, awful, valueless, shallow charade.
This is contemporary Christmas.
That was a little bit strong.
That was a combination of filling and very strong opinion.
So I'm opening this, what I thought, what I hoped was going to be the Panini Golden Compass sticker album.
No it's not.
Did I currently guess it is a sticker album?
It's certainly very heavily sticker based.
Really?
This is exciting.
I haven't had a sticker album for years.
I was pretty sure that you would enjoy this one.
You know what?
I bought myself a copy of this too.
Oh no.
What do you mean?
It's the LazyTown sticker album.
And you know the good thing about it is it comes with stickers.
It's got 80 stickers included so it's not a kind of invitation to spend money at the news station.
It's complete.
And LazyTown listeners, everyone knows what LazyTown is.
It's the crazy kind of global franchise that encourages kids to keep fit.
and you can't really tell whether it's a cartoon or live action and it's got the guy Sportacus in it.
It's a queasy mix of so many styles and influences.
Wow, that's right.
There's people in suits, there's people in lycra, it's really odd.
It's Australian, isn't it?
Is it Australian?
I think he's European, actually.
I think he's German, the guy.
Is he?
I think Sportacus is some kind of German guy, yeah.
I would have smelled of Australia.
You know, it's usually the Australians that come up with that kind of hybrid.
Hey, don't besmirch the Australians.
I'm not besmirching, I'm not... Besmirch the Europeans.
Oh.
Besmirch the Danes or possibly the Germans.
It smells like Christmas.
I don't wanna bismuth anyone, I'm saying it out of respect.
You know, I respect LazyTown, it's done very well.
And it sort of took off this year, didn't it?
Oh yeah, it's been taking off for some time, but it reached new altitudes.
You were aware of it, I remember a few years ago, you were talking about LazyTown.
Well, I was ill one week and I turned on the telly in the morning and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
It was incredible, it was like...
you know, eating every e-number at once.
Watching it.
Look at this, it's fantastic.
I wouldn't want to advertise and I'd like to stress that there are many other sticker scene books available.
Here at the Big British Castle we don't recommend any individual sticker book album but this particular one really does hit the sticky spot.
It's got the scenes and they're empty and then it's got this amazing fold out.
Look at that!
Are you jealous Ben the producer?
You are slightly jealous aren't you?
I'm gonna stick these all over your face.
Are you gonna stick them everywhere?
You know what I would do is frame that.
Would you frame that?
I would frame it.
Well you'd have an awful house.
No no no.
Because I have done that before.
It's true and then you let it date and it sort of becomes a piece of art.
I framed a sheet of stickers from a smash hits copy of smash hits once it was from 20 years ago And it seemed a sort of ludicrous Poncey Shoreditch type of thing to do to frame some stickers But I'm glad I did because it looks wicked now because it's every year you you you know It's really hard to remember who the people are and every year it becomes harder and harder But it's it's sort of what I'm gonna do with these
I'm going to go on the underground and I'm going to stick them on the handrail of the escalator.
And you should stick them on some adverts as well.
I'm not going to do that.
That would be a dreadful thing to do and I was being sarcastic because that's a stupid thing to do.
Stupid thing to do.
What do you think I should do?
Stick them on the adverts when you're going down the underground.
On the adverts?
Yeah.
I usually just do that with a bit of chewing gum.
I pop them on the nose of whoever's in the pictures.
Speaking of the handrail on the underground, did you see the YouTube thing of the guy skiing down the handrail?
I've seen a couple of those, yeah.
Have you?
Lands with a bump.
Does he?
I was wondering how he did it, because if you look at the end there, there's no clean exit.
There's just a big box in the end.
You know, looking at these characters from LazyTown, I wouldn't let any of these people anywhere near my children.
It's the creepiest show.
If you haven't seen it, folks, you should try and seek it out.
It's on, I can't remember what channel it's on, but it's on, you know, at Tea Time for Children, and it's one of the creepiest shows.
Wow.
Well, that's very, very kind, Adam.
Well, it's not that great, is it?
But you've got one more present for me coming up.
And vice versa.
Yes, which I will be receiving shortly.
I'm excited about that.
But first, here's some more music.
Now, this is a choice from me, listeners, although, you know, it's not exactly obscure, but it's from a great band and it's a sweet song.
It's the Beach Boys with Little Saint Nick.
Merry Christmas, Santa!
Christmas comes this time each year
Up north where the air gets cold There's a tale about Christmas that you've all been told And a real famous cat, all dressed up in red And he spends the whole year working on a new sled It's the little Saint Nick It's the little Saint Nick Just the little mop sled we call it old Saint Nick But she'll walk into a fog and hope the force meets still
It's the little Saint Nick, little Saint Nick
And hauling through the snow at a brightness peak With a half a dozen deer with a roody to lead He's gotta wear his goggles cause the snow really flies And he's cruising every cab with a little surprise It's the little Saint Nick It's the little Saint Nick Merry Christmas, Saint Nick Christmas comes this time each year
I have an idea That you are here
Yeah, I said you would Yeah
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
you
The simmering resentment boiled over that September day when Chris arrived from London and switched on the telly to watch golf.
On another occasion, it might not have been a big deal.
What made this different was the offer Billy had recently had of a second Doctor Who series.
She was going to spend another 12 months in Cardiff playing Rose.
And if eight weeks apart had done such damage to her marriage, what would a year do?
Wasn't it kinder to put their relationship out of its misery straight away?
How did he know that from watching golf?
That was an extract from Billy Piper, the rollercoaster life of Britain's hottest star.
We should credit the author.
Yeah, by Chris Stevens.
Chris Stevens has spent probably a good six minutes of his life.
Six or seven minutes.
And Joe gave it me for a Christmas present.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6Music.
It's our special Christmas special special where we're giving each other special gifts.
Time for a gift for me though isn't it?
A gift for you?
Yeah.
Yeah that's true because I got the LazyTown book.
Let's just do a gift recap.
So far I've got Stealing Christmas by Brent Holder.
It's an album of kind of
What do you call those things?
Steel drum music.
Steel drum Christmas music.
My first present from Joe was a mouth harp, also known as a jaw harp, and it's beautiful and I stabbed myself in the cheek with it and I'm still bleeding.
I got the friendship book of Francis Gay, a book full of things about friendship.
I also got Eamonn Holmes, This Is My Life read by Eamonn Holmes on three CDs plus Billy Piper, the rollercoaster level present.
When you were a kid, did you used to, once you'd opened all your presents, there's an inevitable air of disappointment, isn't there?
There's incredible excitement before you open them, then you open them, which is an amazingly exciting experience, almost erotic.
The undressing of the presents, the stripping of them naked, and then the enjoying of looking up and down the real sex.
slightly disappointed afterwards.
Absolutely a slight feeling of disappointment and then this is more like a serial killer than someone who's had sex.
I used to organize the presents in a sort of a display.
I'd take them up to my room and I'd kind of organize them as if it was Harrods shop window or something and then I'd take my trousers off.
and do a little dance.
A dance of love in front of the presents.
Did you used to do that kind of thing?
Sure I did, yeah definitely.
Arrange them all on top of each other and stuff so it looked just like a sort of mad explosion of... I tell you what it was probably pivoting on was kind of, you know, the generation game or a game show or 3-2-1 or one of those game shows where you'd won a lot of prizes and at the end they'd be wheeled out on a trolley all arranged.
Beautifully presented.
Why is that kind of effect we were going for?
As if the year was a big game show, Christmas was the moment just before the closing credits and you were reaping your rewards.
Would you get your ma to come in in a skimpy little outfit there instead of... No, I'd get your mum to come in in a skimpy little outfit.
Thank you.
You were asking for that.
Another present or some music first?
Could I please have a present please?
Okay, here's a present.
This is one that you can get going during the next record.
Adam has already sort of guessed that this might be a pair of headphones or something, it's quite large.
It's in a plastic case.
It's in a plastic, what do you call it, kind of, it's the name for those plastics, isn't it?
Yeah, sort of moulded.
Yeah, I can't remember what it is.
These are sort of impossible to open these things, do you reckon I'm going to be able to open it?
I can see, listeners, the hairy, silly face of Noel Edmonds peeking out at me.
from the top of this.
If television was a religion, Noel would be God.
Joe has got me the Deal or No Deal Electronic Pocket Game.
Yeah, because we're gonna play around.
Priced £9.99 as the helpful price.
You know what, it's the biggest hit of the year on telly, or maybe last year, I can't remember.
And if we play it on this show, the ratings are gonna rocket.
We'll become a granny magnet.
We might get sued.
Well, listen, let's figure out how to play this thing.
We won't get sued, will we?
And while we're... No.
Well, we won't.
The big British Castle might, it might be another nail.
I'll tell you what we're doing, we're reviewing it.
In the coffin, we're reviewing it.
We're commenting on it in a fair way and we're reviewing the Deal or No Deal electronic game.
Let's have some music while Adam plugs it in.
Are you excited?
Yeah, but has it got Barties in it?
You know your face looked like the face of a tiny excited child.
I am excited, but have you put batteries in it?
Er, toys have to come with batteries these days.
It's the law.
No, they don't.
That was during the Blair years.
No, they haven't changed the law.
I think they might have done.
Oh, come on.
It comes with batteries.
Open it.
They banned smoking and... Here, give it to me.
You can tell by the weight.
You need a Phillips screwdriver to get the battery pack.
Oh, God.
It's one of those ludicrous things they do now.
You know, the two twin nightmares of modern presents.
If you're buying a present for a child like a plastic digger or something, it takes you 20 minutes to take all the twizzle ties off.
Yeah, little metal twizzles.
And then the other thing is... I thought it was against the law to give a toy without batteries.
I thought it was too, but not anymore, man.
Not anymore.
They can't have changed it, switched it back.
Are you telling me Gordon Blair turned it back?
Blair struck a blow for batteries.
Brown...
just throw it right out the window.
Perhaps reverse the battery law.
This is shocking.
Because the other thing is, I was going to say that the other miserable thing about gifts is when they've got a battery pack.
They've got a battery pack.
Like the door for the battery case.
I can't speak.
But it's got a little screw in it.
You need a Phillips screwdriver to open the battery flap.
You're not kidding me.
There's no way we're going to get this thing up and running.
We're shafted.
We haven't.
Has anyone got a Phillips screwdriver here?
By no means.
By no means.
By no means.
By no means.
By no means.
Think I did the right thing and step it away And the ache that's making me old has grown through the day Now I'm the man that shot the boss I've pinned him down and blew his face off I'm dealing time with all kind Cause there is no watching from me
This man has shot the boss.
He pinned him down and blew his face off.
He's still inside with a weirdo kind.
That's Lazyitis by the Happy Mondays.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
It's the 22nd of December 2007 and this is our Christmas party that Joe and I are having.
Yeah.
If you are disturbed by the crackling sound in the background there, listeners, don't worry.
The big British castle isn't on fire.
We've just got a lovely little fire going to complete the cosy Christmas scene.
And we've been giving one another presents and I've just given Adam one of the greatest presents ever bought for anybody ever.
Yes, the Deal or No Deal electronic game.
Once again, we must stress that many other electronic games are available on the market.
This is merely one that was chosen at random on the way in in a desperate bid to buy a decent present.
This just happens to be an electronic game.
It has no noises?
I thought it would have noises.
I thought it would have samples of Noel saying stuff like, um, welcome to the dream factory and come and sit in a crazy chair.
You'd think so.
And all that kind of stuff that he says.
But there is a quote from Noel on the box.
It says, what does Noel think?
Quote, in this Palm Top Deal or No Deal game, each time you pick a box, you open the lid and see what's in it.
With all the tension and excitement of the real game, the only thing that's missing is me.
Ah.
Which is quite a big factor in the whole success of the team.
Well, it would be much too expensive if he came with the game.
It's true.
Listen, we'll be playing some of that later.
But without Noel, you're kind of reduced to just picking 20 boxes very quickly.
Come on, I'll do Noel.
It's time for the news.
Read by the newsman.
On digital radio and online, BBC 6 Music.
First time buyer numbers at 27 year low.
Thousands of holidaymakers set to spend Christmas at home.
An England draw with Sri Lanka.
And in six music news, Joe Strummer tributes and Verve wrap-up tour.
BBC news at eleven thirty.
I'm Catherine Cracknell.
We're facing the hardest Christmas imaginable.
The message from Kate and Jerry McCann in a new video appeal for their daughter.
It was filmed at their home in Leicestershire and in it, Kate makes a direct appeal to Madeleine.
Thousands of people are having to spend Christmas at home rather than on holiday.
After their tour operator went bust, John Hughes is one of 10,000 disappointed Travelscope customers.
The wife's very, very disappointed.
She's worse than me.
She's gone out to get her hair done.
She had an appointment, so she's gone.
She cried a bit this morning about it, and so we just have to accept it, that's all.
In other 6musicnews, fewer first-time buyers are making it onto the housing ladder than at any time since 1980.
That's according to the country's biggest mortgage lender.
Halifax also says average first-time home prices are now £175,000.
Miles Shipsides from rightmove.co.uk, he says it's created a catch-22 situation.
First-time buyers have been replaced to a degree by buy-to-let investors.
Ironically, because first-time buyers can't afford to get on the housing ladder, they're renting and that's fuel demand for rented properties and that's pushed prices up further.
An 18-year-old's been arrested after the murder of a man found collapsed in Bolton last night.
The victim was discovered with head injuries at the back of the Derby Ward Labour Club.
Six music sports, cricket and rain saved England from defeat in Sri Lanka.
They've drawn the third and final test.
They've been 167 runs behind on 251 for six.
Sri Lanka take the series 1-0.
Football and in the Premier League, Arsenal play Tottenham in the North London Derby at the Emirates Stadium this lunchtime.
Victory will see Arsenal extend their lead to four points at the top as Manchester United don't play Everton till tomorrow.
Third place Manchester City are away to Aston Villa and Fulham play Wigan.
6 Music News now, here's Andre Payne.
There are tribute gigs for Joe Strummer in London and LA tonight.
The Clash frontman died five years ago today at the age of 50.
Anton again from the hours was in the Mescaleros too and he shared his memories of Joe with Six Music.
He was not a man to dwell on any kind of negative energy Joe.
He was always a man who had a solution to a problem.
His solution was usually have a drink and listen to some tunes.
But it was a good solution, quite often, I found.
More of an extravaganza than a party.
Yes, more of a fancy dress extravaganza.
People can canning and all kinds of stuff.
And finally, The Verve wrapped up their UK tour at Manchester Central last night.
Richard Ashcroft wished everyone a happy Christmas and he paid tribute to some local legends, The Smiths, Oasis and the Stone Roses.
That's Six Music News, your next bulletin is at 12.30.
Listen again at bbc.co.uk slash six music.
You talk a good game I wish I could talk the same I know song is just a game Forgetting it and cheating right out And you talk, I actually talk a good game Won't you teach me the same?
I'd love to explain, I'd love to show you how And all about, oh well I know, I know, I know, I know and so and so
You talk, you talk a good game I wish I could talk this song, I know she'll
She's an outdoor Utah Remember Utah in the rain And those little red shoes And some kid with the blues Yeah, it's right on your wick You just grin and dares Yeah, I know, I know, I know I know it's wrong, I'm so, I'm so
Never ever said it was clever I just like getting landed I've been looking for a light A light behind your eyes You talk, you talk a good game You talk, you talk a good game
You talk, and you talk a good game You talk, and you talk a good game But I never ever said it was clever I just like getting level Looking for the
Oh man, I'm already hungover.
I've only had two glasses of Prosecco.
I feel like an old tramp.
And that provides a very good segue into telling you that was Baby Shambles with You Talk.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 music coming into the last half hour of our
special Christmas Saturday show very Merry Christmas to all our listeners and we've been giving each other presents I just gave Adam a terrific present even though I say it myself but I'm a little disappointed that the electronic deal or no deal pocket game which I've just given him doesn't make any noises and doesn't have any batteries
We had to go and have a little hunt, not only for batteries, but for a Phillips screwdriver to get the battery cover off.
And this is a warning from history, similar to the one the BBC gave you about the Nazis.
Was that the BBC?
It's actually dissimilar, but same kind of words used.
Contains a warning.
It contains a warning.
Do have spare batteries and a whole range of different screwdrivers ready for Christmas Day.
Absolutely.
In fact, wouldn't that be nice?
Make the first gift.
Some batteries and a screwdriver.
A Christmas back up pack.
Exactly, for Dad.
For Dad, yeah.
Thanks a lot.
And Mum, she could have a scented candle.
Because Mums love that kind of thing.
Then she could have a special bar.
Exactly.
So here we go, we're going to review the deal on no deal.
Switching on the machine, we will remind you that many other electronic games are available, but this is the one that happened to be on sale.
Now, first thing that I'm noticing here is that the display for the Deal or No Deal electronic game is not backlit.
It's not illuminated, so you do have to play it with a bright light source.
With bright sunlight.
Yeah.
And so let's go, let's play the game.
Let's play it like a proper game of Deal or No Deal.
You've been randomly selected.
So come and take your seat, Adam.
Have you bought some little photos with you of members of your family?
yes this is a photo of my wife graham and this is a photo here of my first dog called barbara and uh how much money are you hoping to win all of it the full whack the two million pounds it's only a quarter of a million i'm afraid you are it's only a quarter of a million
a quarter of a million yes 250 000 pounds all right then i'll have that what will you do with that money you win it on the flying spin it on flying yes i want to fly around what in a plane yeah just in a plane i want to go back and forth
Okay, there we go.
So welcome to the Dream Factory.
Thank you.
You've taken your seat in the Crazy Chair.
Stand by East Wing, stand by West Wing.
What do I do first?
Pick a box.
Okay, I'm picking box ten.
He's picked box ten.
And now let's just fast forward through the game.
Presumably we don't have to deal with all of Noel's ramblings and mutterings.
I'm picking another box now, box 18.
So box 10, the first box you pick it doesn't matter, right?
That's the one you've chosen, that's the sum of money you've selected.
Oh my lord, I just picked that at random, I didn't even remember.
That's alright, well what's the difference, what logic could you possibly use?
That's the thing about deal or no deal, there is no logic.
Absolutely true.
It's pure luck.
Right, I'm picking box two.
Number 18 I'm going for.
Right, this game is going to continue while we hear a track that I've chosen.
It's a free play.
It's by Vince Guaraldi.
This is the music that was used on the Charlie Brown Christmas special.
1P.
It was also used on the Royal Tenenbaum soundtrack.
That's good.
It's a blue number.
That's a good one.
Blue, blue, blue, blue.
We're going to pick another box now just for the song.
I'm picking number two.
What have you got?
Oh, £200.
That's not bad.
Is that a blue?
No.
Can you tell what the colours are?
They're red.
No.
This is not a very good game is it?
Christmas 07 on 6.
Manchester as a musical city would be entirely different were it not for Tony.
On Christmas Day 6music looks back at the life of Tony Wilson.
Do what you want to do and then figure out why you did it afterwards.
The founder of Factory Records and the legendary Hacienda Club, he helped create the Manchester music scene.
Doing what you want, you can think of a million reasons afterwards.
I can think of two million, but basically, we just did what at that moment seemed the thing to do.
The program features an extended, unheard interview with Tony Wilson a few months before his death.
Fact 501, the story of Anthony H. Wilson, Christmas Day from 10 p.m.
Anti-London, fiercely northern.
Followed by a special six mix presented by Alan McGee and Tony Wilson from Midnight.
BBC six music.
their favorite time of year.
Salt lakes in the air, carols everywhere.
Olden times and ancient times of love and dreams to share.
Stripes in the air,
Christmas time is here, family's growing near.
All that we could always see, such spirit
Splendid stuff.
Vince Coraldi with Christmastime is here, featured in Charlie Brown and also on the soundtrack of the Royal Denon Bounds.
You join us at the climax of our present giving fiesta we've had here on our special Saturday Christmas show.
I gave Adam the Deal or No Deal electronic game just now, which has disappointed us.
It didn't come with batteries.
You needed an obscure screwdriver to open it.
The keyboard is not illuminated.
It makes no sounds.
And it says on the box it's for one or more players.
But how can more than one person play that?
Well, one person could deal with the banker and the other person could deal with the boxes.
Banker's automatic though.
It's a lie.
The packaging's full of lies.
That's merely my opinion.
But Adam's down to his last three boxes, right?
Yeah.
What sums are left on the board?
I've only got 15 grand is the last I could win.
Ten grand, five grand and one pound.
Fifteen, ten, five grand and one pound.
Yeah.
That's not so good, is it?
What, 10 pounds?
What?
10,000 or 10 pounds?
10,000 quid.
10,000, so you've got, you've still got two reds.
Five grand blues.
10 grand, 15.
So go on, open them boxes.
All right, I'm opening box four, no.
What's inside it?
Good luck, good luck.
Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue.
5,000.
5,000?
I've only got three boxes left, no.
One pound, 10,000.
5,000?
And 15,000.
Ah.
I'm going for box number one, no.
Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue.
Is this good radio?
Oh, ten thousand, no.
It's very popular television, surely it's good radio.
I've only got one box left.
Thousands of retired people are tuning in as we speak, magnetically drawn to the deal or no deal.
No, I've got my own box.
Have you got two boxes left?
I've got my own box.
How can you just have one box left?
And I've got my own box and the last box.
Okay, so what's the... The last box is number three.
What are the two sums left on the board?
One pound and fifteen thousand pounds.
Well that's still a life-changing sum for someone like you.
The bank, no, the bank is offering me seven thousand five hundred and one pounds.
£7,501.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to play no.
You're going to not accept the offer?
No, I don't accept it.
No, hang on.
Deal or no deal?
No deal.
There you go.
Go away.
Right.
Please open box number three.
or my own box which one shall i open oh you've got open your if you're not taking the deal then you open your own box don't you no i can choose i think i don't know no open the one that isn't yours actually first right now i don't understand the game i've watched it so many times i've gone mad well i opened
I don't understand what's happening.
I opened the... I opened box number three and it's the 150,000.
Really?
No, it's the 15,000.
It's the 15,000.
I'm going to smash it.
We always smash something at Christmas.
Listen to this.
Smash it on the edge of the desk.
Oh, really?
This is the Deal or No Deal electronic game.
I'm actually going to smash it, am I?
Yeah, smash it.
Of course you're going to smash it.
Smash it.
It's quite sturdy.
Smash it.
I'm worried it's going to break the desk.
Here we go.
Listen.
Hard.
Oh!
Flipping air.
Wow.
I had to protect my eyes from that.
There's a stamp on it.
Hang on.
Oh, this is terrible.
Some child might like that.
I've smashed the display.
Look at the display.
That is dangerous, man.
It's glass they've got on here, not plastic.
It's full of chemicals.
This game's a death trap.
That's our opinion, not the opinion of the big British castle.
Other electronic games which are death traps are available.
We've attempted to smash it.
It's leaking toxic fluids.
Adam's right hand is melting.
He's blind in one eye.
There you go.
An ideal gift for all the family.
Here's a bit of Prince.
This is a Christmassy song if you live a dirty life.
It's called Get Off.
My butt is in a way so as not to offend or unnerve There's a ruling going all around that you ain't been getting served To say that you ain't you know what and baby who knows how long?
Cause I believe I'll say what's right when all I wanna do is wrong Get off Twenty-three positions in a one night stand Get off I'll only call you after you've just said can't
Get off.
If you want to baby, here I am.
Here I am.
I got the jizz from a friend of yours named Vanessa Bed.
Bed.
She said you told her a fantasy that got her all wet.
Wet.
Live in a bottom litter box with a mirror and a tongue inside.
Bed.
What she told me then got me so hot I knew that we could slide.
Get off.
23 positions in a one night stand.
Baby here I am here
Let me show you baby, I'm a talented boy
So here we, so here we are.
Here we are, my paisley crib.
What you want to eat?
I'm a toy, I don't serve ribs.
You better be happy, that dress is still on.
I heard the rip when you sat down.
Honey, them hips is gone, but that's all right.
I clocked them that way.
Mind me if something changed you?
You gotta have a mother for me Now move your big sack round this way So I can work on that zipper big day
If you want to, baby, here I am
That was the purple prance with get off.
Get off me.
How many 52 positions in a one night stand?
Yeah.
Oh my lord.
I've got more.
Have you?
Yeah.
I've only got one.
Really?
Yeah.
Standing up.
Standing up by the door.
By the door asking to be let in.
We were just imagining during the filthy Prince music there that almost certainly someone out there in big British castle land
We'll be disgusted at the fact that we smashed one of the presents.
But we were angered by the Deal or No Deal electronic game.
It violated several rules of presents.
I need not recap.
But, you know, the battery's in there.
And the screwdriver.
Here's what we're going to do.
Even though there's no reason why we should, we're going to give the money that Joe paid for that game to HMV.
To HMV.
I already did.
To a little thin boy with acne at HMV who works behind the counter there.
That's me.
And he needs that money.
Okay, so that's what we're going to do to make it right.
Okay.
Now here's the last present.
This is a present from myself to Joe Cornish.
He's already correctly surmised that it's a DVD.
Bus is about rattle.
That's a rattle of a TV.
Will he have it already?
Almost certainly.
What do you buy someone like Joe Cornish who... I've got thousands of DVDs.
He's got thousands of DVDs.
What could you possibly get him that he hasn't seen?
I've got movies you didn't know existed.
Now I think maybe he has seen this.
Is this a proper present?
Yeah.
Is it a joke or is it a real... Little bit of both.
Bit of both.
But, you know what I'm going to do?
You know what I sometimes like to do with presents?
I like to close my eyes and unwrap them and then hold it in front of my face.
Unwrap... Do you remember last year I got you?
My eyes closed.
Do you remember last year when I got you?
So exciting.
Uh, I can't remember.
I got you a dirty DVD.
Oh, did you?
Yeah.
But it was art dirt.
The worst kind of dirt there is.
I don't think I... Oh, yes, you've got me nine songs.
Nine songs.
I still haven't watched it.
Have you?
I'm not surprised.
No, I kind of want to watch it though.
So, this year I've got you.
Oh, no.
You know what?
Now, this is a Christmas quandary.
This is a general Christmas... She's got it!
She's got it!
Shush, don't listen to this, Adam.
Listeners, I've got this one.
What do I say?
Do I tell him I've already got it?
Listeners, if he's got it, the best thing to do is give it right back to me.
Really?
Or should I lie?
I'm gonna lie.
Listeners, don't tell Joe... Brilliant!
Oh, Districted, the dirty compilation art film with short films by Larry Clark and Gaspar Noe and Matthew Barney.
Oh, thank you, I don't have it.
Oh great.
I do not have it.
Oh cool.
I don't have it.
Listeners, don't tell Joe, but I just picked it out of my own shelf.
I left the house, I bought it a few months ago and it's such rubbish.
I just thought I'd give it to him and I didn't care.
Hey thanks a lot man.
So I'm hoping he's going to give it back to me now.
That's terrific.
Listen, listen, don't tell Adam but I'm just going to re-wrap it and give it to Ben the producer.
Because he looks a bit lonely.
Like he might need some company over Christmas.
Hey who's this?
It's Big Audio Dynamite with Medicine Show.
Enjoy and folks incidentally thank you so much for sticking with us for our Christmas party here on BBC6 Music.
Yeah you know we really appreciate everyone who's listened and we'll be back with you after Christmas.
Have a terrific Christmas day and all that business.
Robert Weigert, medicine shawl, take it to a place where the healing claws are whole.
We keep spinnin', we got the juice, won't save his soul in a shiny tune song.
Genie King 2, kangaroo.
Santa Fe to timber to old home Don't be fooled by imitation This is the stuff that cured a nation We took the tube and the hard planes too Never stopped long just passing through Draw for the laughter of the mate on
Makes a hopeless cripple dance song What's really the weapon?
After all the rain, discovered that it's great as aftershave all drops in the sea just off Japan.
Swap twenty bottles for an aqua-warp and haul immunity from ridicule improve your brains if you're a fool When I read in the middle east
Now, if you're bored, it'll give you hair.
Cut straight trousers, it'll give you flares.
Filling up, you're getting brands.
Out of style.
The stuff we sell is just the best
Passing all consumer tests all home Days of heaven, nights of sin Voodoo stick and sharp spin When all around you seems like hell Just one sip will make you well all home Multipurpose in a jar If you ain't ill it'll fix your car
In days of yore for all bad things Washing socks and stripping ceilings Nowadays it's used medicinally For all known human man
his wife and children fighting prostitution kidnapping extortion