The Adam and Joe Archive - 20071110_090000_bbc6m_adam_and

She comes to say goodnight I'll get my sleep tonight With a cast of vision She still can't see She was the girl

There she goes, I won't see her again She's gone to school with her best friend She only does the things she likes to do Now she wants

Here she comes to say goodnight I'll get full sleep tonight

The Undertones with Wednesday Week.

Hello this is Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music on a Saturday morning.

What more appropriate track to start a Saturday show with?

Then Wednesday Week.

Exactly.

That's vintage Undertones isn't it?

Is it?

I would say so because that's got Sharky on it right and he's no longer with the band.

They've just released a new album I believe The Undertones.

Right.

But it's minus Sharky.

Really?

Yeah it's supposed to be pretty good.

Sharky's Machine.

Yeah it's no longer Sharky's Machine.

Really?

They've switched off Sharky's Machine.

Yeah they have.

Would you invest in an album by a famous band minus the famous lead singer?

I'd certainly have to listen critically to it.

Can you think of any bands that have plotted on without their main asset, The Doors, Spring to Mind?

They did a couple of albums after Jim Morrison popped his leather clogs and they weren't

There was an album called Full Circle, which was the better of the two ones that they did.

And that was a stinky one.

Do you remember that?

I played you a track off that years ago.

I don't remember it.

That's probably evidence that it's not very good.

No, there must be an example of a band that's done well, though, mustn't there?

Hey, maybe our listeners could help us with that.

The only snag is...

that we're actually on tape this week.

Yeah.

We're not actually here so listeners don't text us otherwise you will be wasting your money and we'll get involved in some terrible financial scandal.

Yes, we'll both be electrocuted.

Yeah, we're actually recording this last Wednesday.

No?

What day is it?

Tuesday?

Is it?

What day is it?

Well today is Saturday.

Saturday?

But today as we're speaking is Wednesday.

There you go.

So in a way that Undertones track was the perfect track to play.

Yeah, we got there eventually.

So coming up in this show we got great music as usual.

We've got some Sly and the Family Stone coming up, a bit of Toots and the Maytals.

That's just the first hour plus we'll be playing text the nation but remember don't text us this week we're going to be running that segment running the segment yeah off of emails we got during the week

We'll also be doing Song Wars.

It's very complicated because we're on tape.

Song Wars, you can vote for it via email.

And you'll find out who wins Song Wars next week.

Although you'll hear the tracks this week.

Don't worry, it'll all become clear as we go along.

It's absolutely fine.

Now here's some more music.

This is a great band, The Young Knives.

I sounded like a very old man there.

This is a great band.

Well done.

They're The Young Knives and this track is called Terra Firm.

What?

Fake brown real steak?

I wasn't listening.

I was frightened.

Yeah, that is frightening.

I ran and hid.

You know, they didn't used to be so frightening, the young knives.

They used to be more friendly.

Did they?

Yeah, one of them is called House of Lords in the band.

Really?

That's his actual name?

Yeah.

And, which is a good name, I think.

And they were very much a sort of nerd outfit.

But now it sounds as if they're furious.

He's called House of Lords?

Yeah.

What's his actual name?

I think House of Lords.

I don't know what his actual name is, but it's like being called The Edge.

As far as everybody knows... Well, I tell you there's a difference between being called the House of Lords and The Edge.

No insult to the Young Knives, but you two have been around a while.

Yes.

And they're not going away.

What I'd be worried about is if the Young Knives split up, or maybe, you know, they have ten amazing years, then they have to, you know, fashions change.

Do they?

Yeah, they have to rethink their role in the world.

And he's still called the House of Lords.

Right.

That wouldn't be, you know, he couldn't for instance be a Telophonist.

Hello.

You're through to John Menzies.

This is the House of Lords speaking.

Yeah, that would be confusing.

What if he worked at the House of Lords?

Well... If he was just an MP.

Then he'd kind of cancel himself out.

Right.

He wouldn't appear on any kind of database because it would confuse the computers.

The right honourable House of Lords.

He might end up having a staff of hundreds of cleaners try and enter him and clean up his insides.

I wish the staff of cleaners... He might have... You might get arrested.

yeah if you protest anywhere near him right he would be a listed building and he might be blown up by terrorists but at least he'd get a lovely clean every uh 25 years or so he'd certainly be all scrubbed up nice get really nicely scrubbed when he goes to restaurants oh my goodness does he go order

What?

There's something in there anyway.

Yeah.

Fit that together yourselves.

Bye.

Now later on in the show we are going to be unveiling our songs from Song Wars and we should remind you that this time the theme for Song Wars was a well it was it was suggested to us by a listener.

Do you have the name of the listener?

Yes I do.

Who was it?

Not going to tell you.

Oh please tell me man.

It was from Tony Armstrong.

Tony, that's a good name.

Tony J Armstrong.

Yeah.

Good, strong name.

And he lives in Google Mail.

Does he?

Which is a small village in Hampshire.

I don't know that he lives in Hampshire.

But that's all we know about him, his name.

Should we be playing the jingle here?

Well, we can play the jingle when we unveil the songs.

Alright, so this is a pre-unveiling.

Yeah, this is a little tease to just sort of set the scene.

Yeah, we asked you listeners to suggest the lyrics for Song Wars this week and we asked you to get us text, found text, off the back of a instruction manual or maybe a, you know, something, a box, a packet, text that you think could never be made to sound passionate and meaningful.

Texts that couldn't be used in a song, ever.

Right, so not poems and not stuff from a book or... No, no, no, specifically non-poetic texts.

Instructions, horoscopes, that kind of thing, you know, functional texts.

Something deliberately prosaic.

In fact, horoscopes is even a bit too meaningful.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

And we had an overwhelming response.

I was overwhelmed.

Yeah, if one text was whelming, then we were overwhelmed.

Right.

We got like three.

Yeah.

Not even text emails.

And we chose one, which we'll reveal later.

Yeah, we're so good at radio we know you don't give listeners all the information at once.

Do you not?

You give them the smallest bit possible.

Double teas.

Like little hungry birds.

They're waiting for the next old stinky worm.

New to Saturday night.

Introducing interesting new artists for putting great music online.

Frankly, the more startling the better.

Hopefully all the people have been crying out for us to play more adventurous music by unsigned bands.

We'll be able to find something we like in every show.

We want you

and suggest any really amazing stuff that you've found out there online.

Just let us know via the new Introducing web page at bbc.co.uk slash 6music.

BBC Introducing with Tom Robinson.

From Midnight.

Two hours of new music fresh from the net.

On BBC 6music.

Now, I think this is your choice, is it not, Joe?

It might be.

Bit of Sly and the Family Stone?

Yeah, this is, er, this is nice ones.

This ones.

This is Sly and the Family Stones with If You Want Me to Stay Stones.

Yeah If you want me to stay I'll be around today To be available for you to see I'm about to go

No more things to say, I got to be me You'll never be in doubt, that's what it's all about You can't take me for granted and smile

And when you see me again, I hope that you have been the kind of person that you really are now.

We got to get in straight, how could I ever be late when you're my woman taking a

I'll be good.

I wish I could get this message over

When you shape me again I hope that you have been the kind of person you really are now

I wish I could get the message over to you now.

They're just giving up their Sly and the Family Stone.

Can't be bothered anymore.

Well, you know, apparently that's what they were like when they were playing live recently.

Really?

Couldn't be bothered a bit of the time, yeah.

Are they still intact?

They're still very much intact, yeah.

They were playing a lot of gigs over the summer.

And what happened?

They just lost interest and drifted off.

I read a review of one...

particular gig I think it was maybe in Brighton and it was reviewed by several music papers and all of them said it was one of the worst gigs they'd ever seen it was so bad the band was so late and then they played so badly when they arrived on stage that people were just booing and and wow and yelling I want my thin line even listening to that you know their original stuff there's a thin line between brilliance and laziness yeah and a line that they tread you know uniquely right they've fallen off of off of it yeah onto the lazy half

This is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.

Welcome to our Saturday morning show.

It's time to do song wars.

It's time for song wars.

The war of the songs.

A couple of tunes by a couple of prongs.

Which will you vote for?

Which one is the best?

We're putting our songs to the listener test.

So check it out.

Yeah, that's right.

Every week, Joe and myself compose an original song for you, the listeners, and it's based on a theme also suggested by you, our friends, the listeners.

And Joe, remind the listeners what the theme was this time.

Yes, the theme this week was... The theme was lyrics that you would never find in a song.

Right.

Found lyrics, say from the side of a packet of food or the instruction manual of a new gadget.

Fruit?

What?

Oh, no.

What?

No, there's none.

There's none.

Why?

You're just talking nonsense now.

Instructions.

Fruit?

There's none.

Instructions.

Are you having a dream?

Instructions on fruit.

No, there's no fruit.

Fruit aren't that complicated.

Some of them should have instructions.

God made them that way.

Oranges should have instructions.

Sorry, carry on, man.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

So we asked you to send us some samples of found text that you thought could never make the lyrics to a song.

We had a kind of top three submissions.

One of them was the publishing details on the side of a book that was sent in by David Buchanan from Bristol.

He wanted us to write a song to the following.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not by way of trade or otherwise be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior consent in any form of binding.

Oh, you get the idea.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And would you have done the ISBN number as well, maybe?

That would have been quite a challenge.

Yeah.

We didn't go for David's suggestion.

That was too difficult.

It was too difficult.

We went for this suggestion from Tony Armstrong.

Dear Sirs,

See, that's got us already.

It's nice and respectful, yeah.

I would be most pleased if you could use your jiggery-pogary technical wizardry.

You see, he's like a little hobbit.

He doesn't understand what we do here.

This is our perfect listener.

He's awed!

by the things we do.

Use your technical wizardry to compose a song celebrating the satanic beauty of IKEA meatballs.

I care not for their cheap flat-pack furnishings but find their meatballs simply irresistible, as Robert Palmer once sang.

Right, right.

Since discovering their addictive charms, I've gained three stone.

I can eat naught but processed meat produce with a slightly Nordic flavouring.

I quote directly from the cooking instructions below, which fortuitously includes a title for your efforts in bold print.

He's got florid writing style there, doesn't he?

Yeah, I like him.

It's almost as if the manufacturers of this unholy foodstuff knew this day would come.

Maybe they did.

You know what?

I forgot the bold title.

Right.

I forgot to sing it but here we go.

Here are the lyrics that he's asked us to turn into a song.

Ahem.

Heating instructions from Frozen.

Place the meatballs in an oven-proof dish and heat at 225 degrees centigrade for about 15 minutes.

In a microwave, 700 watts, place the meatballs in a bowl without a lid.

Heat at full power level for four to five minutes.

Stir after half the time.

That's all we had to work with, folks.

So, would you like to hear the results?

Now this week, rather than playing clips of the songs, we're still, you know, it's only show three of our tenure here at the British Castle.

We're experimenting.

We're still kind of feeling our way through, so rather than playing short clips, we thought as we're, you know, going to play both songs at the end anyway, we may as well play them right the way through, and you can vote.

And don't forget that because we are taping the show this week, you won't find out whose song has been voted as the favourite today.

You'll find out next week.

And all you have to do is vote by emailing us.

Don't text.

No please don't text.

We wouldn't want to rip you off like that.

And the email address is?

Adam and Joe all one word A and D not an ampersand dot six music the number six not the word six and then the word music at bbc.co.uk.

Is that clear?

Yeah say it all again without all the explanation.

Adam and Joe dot six music at bbc.co.uk.

Bingo.

So yes let's hear the songs right now.

You heard those lyrics before.

You heard what we had to work with.

Now who wants to go first?

I don't know.

I think I'm gonna lose.

I don't think mine's very good.

Really?

Well I had a tough time.

I went through several versions before.

Did you?

Well I didn't and that's my problem.

I went with the first version.

And this is it.

So play mine first please Ben.

Place the meatballs, place the meatballs

Place the meatballs in an ovenproof dish and heat a 225 degrees centigrade for about 15 minutes in a microwave at 700 watts.

Place the meatballs in a bowl without a lid And heat at full power for 4 to 5 minutes Stir after half the time I said stir the meatballs after half the time Come on, place the meatballs, eat the meatballs Stir the meatballs, you love meatballs, we love meatballs, come on

There we go.

So I was really trying to infuse those lyrics with passion.

You really did.

You went for the soulful route there.

I was kind of going for a kind of power rock thing.

Yeah.

But I ended up in a sort of deacon blue sort of a thing.

I didn't mind it.

You know what it reminded me of?

You didn't mind it?

That's damning with faint praise.

No it's not.

I didn't mean it to be faint praise dammed.

You meant I loved it.

I didn't mind it.

uh it was good uh it reminded me of of mid 80s david bowie yes i that's what i was going for yeah in an oven proof dish stadium bowie exactly you know weird inflections and stuff yeah stadium bowie i tried to do state spider era exactly yeah his nadir um i tried to do stadium bowie as well funnily enough

Because I thought it would suit the whole thing, but my voice just couldn't hack it.

And then the other direction I went was Pink Floyd, like acoustic Pink Floyd.

And, you know, do it like Roger Waters and put lots of kind of, you know, without a lid.

Can we hear it?

Well, no, I didn't go that direction in the end.

The direction I went was kind of like Camp New York art punk.

A bit like Suicide and... They're a band, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And someone was talking about the band Bearsuit from Norwich last week.

I've been listening to them and there's a little bit of Bearsuit in there now.

I can't take much more of this build.

I have to hear it.

Okay, here it goes.

heating instructions from Frozen.

Place the meatballs in an oven-proof dish and heat at 225 centigrade for about 15 minutes.

place the meatballs in a bowl without a lid heat them at full power level the meatballs for four to five minutes stir after half the time

Stir them After half the time In a microwave At 700 watts Place the meatballs in a bowl

Meatballs, meatballs Frozen, frozen Meatballs, meatballs They're frozen, frozen Meatballs, meatballs Frozen, frozen Meatballs, meatballs They're frozen, frozen

Meatballs, meatballs, frozen, frozen.

Meatballs, meatballs.

Now they're ready!

What year is it now?

Because so much time has passed.

Yeah.

I know.

Is it still 2007?

It was a long one.

Yeah sorry about that.

That's alright.

What's changed in the world?

That was just a proper song.

No that was good man, that was very good.

No it wasn't very good.

It was good.

It was just long and draining.

Yeah I know.

There were lots of gaps.

There was lots of negative space.

Well that's what it's like.

But I'm naive about that school of music so I don't have the critical faculties to appreciate it perhaps.

I don't think anyone would.

I think we should move on rapidly.

So there are the two tracks.

You can start voting for them now, although of course the winner won't be announced until next week's show.

Yeah, vote by email only.

adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk for Adam's song.

They're both called Meatballs, so you'd just be voting for Adam's Meatball song, the experimental kind of New York version, right?

Yeah.

Or Joe's Meatball song, the... Stadium Bowie.

Stadium Bowie period Meatball song.

The useless sing the song When they say they're cutting off the throne They tell me we're not home No place to hide You're fighting as a soldier on their side You're still a soldier in your mind Though nothing's on the line

You say it's money that we need As if we're only mouths to feed And no, no matter what you say There's some debts you'll never pay Working for the church while your family dies You take what they give you and you keep it inside

Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home Hear the soldier groan but glad alone I can taste the fear Lift me up and take me out of here

Don't wanna fight, don't wanna die, just wanna hear you cry Who's gonna do the very first stone?

Oh, who's gonna reset the bone?

Walkin' with your hand in a sling, wanna hear the soldier

Maybe sister's gonna lose her mind.

Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home.

Hear the song that you call home.

And the bones shall never heal I cannot let you kneel We can't find you now But they're gonna get their money back somehow And when you finally disappear We'll just say you were never here

Now it's time for the news from 6music.

Digital radio Digital TV BBC 6 music Winehouse husband due in court sack bad teachers says advisor and David Cameron's date with Kate BBC 6 music BBC News at 9.30 I'm Callum May Amy Winehouse's husband's been charged with trying to pervert the course of justice by police Blake Fielder-Civil and another man are due in court in London this morning The charge relates to an alleged attempt to stop a witness appearing in a different court case

Around 17,000 teachers in England and Wales should get the sack because they're not up to the job.

That from a top government schools adviser, Sir Cyril Taylor.

You've got a weak leader, a weak principal, a weak headteacher, you have to replace them.

You get the wrong people off the bus, the right people on the bus, in the right seat.

But the government insists teachers are better trained than ever, and most pupils and parents are happy.

In other six music news, the British Muslim leaders accusing the government of fueling tension over terrorism, which is damaging his community.

Mohammed Abdul Barri is warning that people's minds could be poisoned, creating a society like Nazi Germany.

There are calls for all paramedics in England and Scotland to be given stab-proof vests.

Ambulance crews want them for protection against attacks.

Sainsbury's is asking customers who bought some of its fresh fish to return it.

The supermarket says pre-packed tuna with a use-by date of the 4th or 5th of November

could contain a chemical which can cause illness.

Kate Moss mistook David Cameron for a plumber when she met him earlier this year.

The model met the Tory leader at a charity do.

He tells the story on Parkinson on ITV1 tonight.

She turned around and said, God, you sound like a really useful guy.

Can I have your telephone number?

I went back to my table and I said, look, the good news is I met Kate Moss and she wanted my telephone number.

I said the bad news is I think she thinks I'm something to do with drainage.

The weather, rain in Scotland and eastern England, drier elsewhere.

Temperatures pushing 12 Celsius but feeling cold though, a bit breezy.

Our 6 Music News, your next bulletin is at 10.30.

BBC 6 Music, closer to the music that matters.

Adam and Joe.

Whose best cup to get because they docked mine behind I'd deal with my business if I can't get a trick Down on Santa Monica, what tricks are for kids?

I don't care, but I want you to know The knee-stocking flavor is a favorite treat A man that don't bother with the taste of a teat

That was Weezer with the hash pipe.

Yeah, disgraceful.

It's just a bad idea to smoke hash browns.

Yeah, why would you do that?

Yeah.

What kind of high would you get from hash browns?

What's in hash browns?

Potato?

Mainly potato.

Maybe some bits of onion.

Or is that bubble and squeak?

I don't know, maybe I... You certainly shouldn't smoke bubble and squeak.

No.

But smoking hash browns is a bad idea as well.

It's terrible.

They'll bung up your pipes.

Yeah, exactly.

Internally and externally.

Don't do it, kids.

Just ignore the weezer.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

This is our third show here at the big British castle.

We're still finding our feet.

You know, we'll be finding our feet for about three more months.

Yeah.

Just to let you know.

So, you know, bear with us.

Then we'll have an amazing period that looks like one show will be amazing.

Yeah, maybe two or three.

Two or three, then we'll start on the downward slope.

On the slippery slope.

Decline, exactly.

So you know, that's something to look forward to.

Here's a bit more music.

This is a band called Editors.

Yeah?

Yeah, exactly.

Not The Editors.

Only a jerk would call them The Editors.

Where are they from?

Well, they're British.

Are they British?

Yeah, I always have them as editors in my head because of Zane Lowe.

Because Zane Lowe, the only person I've ever heard.

hard saying their name is Zane Lowe yeah editors editors and he says it in where's Zane Lowe from uh he's from New Zealand I think there you go yeah editors so here's the editors with racing that's not what accent is that I don't know here's the editors with the racing rats when the time comes that you're no longer there fall down to my knees

Again my nightmare words spill from my drunken mouth I just can't keep them all in I keep up with the racing rats and do my best to win

Can't keep running away You mustn't go outside yet It's not your time to play Standing at the edge of your town With the skyline in your eyes Reaching up to God The sun says it's goodbye

In the surface of the Earth Let's pretend we never met Let's pretend we're on our own

We'll live different lives until our cover's blown I'll push my hand up to the sky, shake my eyes from the sun As the dust settles around me, suddenly night time has begun If the plane was too far

The surface of the earth The surface of the earth Come on now You knew you were lost But you carried on anyway Oh, come on now You knew you had no time But you left the day

If a blade were to fall from the sky How big a hole would it be?

If a blade were to fall from the sky How big a hole would it make?

In the softness of the earth The softness of the earth

The surface of the earth.

Six Music.

Live in session in the Six Music Hub on Monday.

New Young Pony.

Join New Young Pony Club live in session in the Six Music Hub.

Monday morning after 11.30.

The Hub.

The home of live music.

On the six music.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

It's Saturday morning.

Before that exciting trail you heard editors with the racing rats.

They've titled that song as a kind of man trap for DJs.

Why?

Because there's no the on editors.

Right.

But there is a the on the racing rats.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

They're trying to trip us up.

I know exactly.

Like, make your mind up.

Do you hate these or not?

Do they hate the word the?

Yeah.

And you would think that they do hate it.

I need to talk.

I actually want to talk to them about that.

You know, he goes out with Edith Bowman, right?

Does he?

So we can get to him.

We could get to him.

It's perverse.

And he's causing a lot of unnecessary anxiety for DJs.

Yeah, exactly.

Sort your life out.

But what a track.

Great track.

What a track.

Great track.

Yeah, so I wonder if anybody this week watched one of my favourite TV programs, Dragon's Den.

Hey man, I watched that.

Did you watch it?

I bet you're going to talk about that lady, right?

I'm going to talk about the lady and I'm assuming that lots of radio stations have talked about the lady.

I imagine breakfast shows the next morning were buzzing.

about the lady.

If you didn't see it folks, you know Dragon's Den is a show where entrepreneurs come and pitch ideas to some kind of panto style business entrepreneurs.

Millionaires!

Millionaires who fly in jets and eat golden toothpaste.

Nuggets.

Anyway this week there was a lady who'd written a book called Dance of the Goblins.

It was a sort of epic fantasy novel and she was a sort of a mystic stone wearing sort of goth lady.

There was a touch of the Julie T. Wallace from Life's and Love's of a Shady.

There was.

She had a sort of distant, slightly demented look in her eye.

But was that the dementia of genius or the dementia of madness?

It was hard to tell.

She was very nervous as well, wasn't she?

She was nervous.

Who wouldn't be when faced by those dragons?

They're so scary.

One of them runs a company that makes pants.

That's how scary they are.

Anyway, she was very nervous.

She'd bought in her book and basically the entrepreneurial idea she was pitching was to make a movie out of her book and she decided to circumvent the usual process of filmmaking, you know, going to production companies and studios and writing scripts and all that sort of stuff.

She decided to do it all off her own back.

Yeah.

She was just going to go to the Dragons, get some start-up capital and just make the movie completely independently.

She was going to produce it, she was gathering together the crew and amongst the people she'd gathered together was an actor whose name she wouldn't divulge.

That's right.

She said it was a famous... Top star.

It was a big name actor.

Yeah.

She gave two clues as to who this actor was, well she gave one big clue as to who the actor was.

She said he was in Pirates of the Caribbean and Phantom of the Opera.

So I imagine 90% of people watching reached for their laptops.

Yeah.

And went online, did you Adam?

Only because I couldn't, I didn't because I couldn't get a... You didn't have access?

Didn't have no wifi in the telly room.

Well I did.

Yeah.

and me and the rest of the country looked at IMTB for those two films and it soon became apparent that it's the actor Kevin McNally.

Kevin... Now he's not a big star, McNally.

He's done one or two films, The Spy Who Loved Me, The Long Good Friday.

He's been around for a while but he's not... This woman had pledged him a million pounds.

Right.

She said that he was a big star and he was going to get paid a million pounds in gross profit points.

She said that...

Was it profit points or that was up front though, wasn't it?

Because she was saying to the- No, no, profit points.

I understood that she was saying to the dragons, I'm gonna need like a million and a half quid and a million of that is going straight to the actor.

I'm not sure, I can't remember.

I think she said it was points.

Because the way I understood it, I thought he was gonna get the money up front.

That's why they were so outraged.

That would be terrible.

And they were saying, you're insane.

I mean, he must be a really big actor and you can't even tell us his name.

And I was thinking like,

This guy, whoever he is.

McNally.

So my question's up.

First of all, the interesting thing was by the next day, Kevin McNally's Wikipedia entry had been updated with his involvement in Dance of the Goblins.

That's pretty good for Wikipedia, isn't it?

Also, I think sales of Dance of the Goblins must have gone up.

And I'm now quite interested in seeing the film.

Yeah.

I think the country's quite interested in seeing the film.

Well that's exactly what my wife said.

She said wouldn't it be great if she made the film, it turned out to be an absolute smash.

And the dragons were sussed.

Yeah the dragons were sussed and that clip would haunt them for the rest of their lives the way they treated her.

Well there are already things that the dragons have poo-pooed, that they've plop-plopped, pop-popped, have gone on to be smash hits.

Right.

Like the man who made the fan of wedges for restaurant tables.

You know a wobbly cafe table.

Oh yeah.

And you have a little fan of wedges.

Brilliant.

But he's now a multi-pounder mare.

Is he?

Yeah.

Genius.

Rasta pasta.

Anyway, Kevin McNally, what are you playing at?

Right.

He's going round, making deals with kind of amateurs.

Raising their hopes unnecessarily.

No, what I was thinking is because... You know what I was thinking?

What?

You could do the same.

Well... You've had small parts in Stardust and Hot Fuzz and Son of Rambo as yet unreleased.

You could start doing that.

I think every actor is approached to be in all kinds of projects and generally you would say yes and especially if it's a small production you would do everything within your power to help them out, you know what I mean?

But I was thinking, but if you're approached for something that you don't necessarily want to be in, one good way of getting out of it

is by inflating your price ludicrously and i bet you he was thinking man i'm gonna i'm gonna price myself out of this uh well it's backfired hasn't it because now everyone reckons he's the star of dance of the gnomes hey listen here's a track chosen by adam this has been a long link so we better tell you about this track after it but who's this by uh this is by a band called 17 evergreen and i really hope you enjoyed it sounds very much like steven mountmas but uh none the worse for that it's called haven't been yourself lately

Cold places too I bet you have been too Cold places, cold places Haven't been yourself lately It's time to get on the good front

Shake off what doesn't shine Let me see if you have the time

I bet we have been to cold places, warm places too

Cold places, cold places, have you passed the test?

Maybe it's time to get on the gun Shake off what doesn't show Let me see if you have the time

you

Adam and Joe's on six music.

I hope that you're the one If not

Wilt your toe to the sun And do things I know you'll like

You are the prototype Do something out of the ordinary Like catch a matinee You are the prototype

It's Outcast with Prototype.

If you were going out with big boy or Andre 3000 and he said that to you that you might not be the one but even if you're not the one you're the prototype.

Right.

Would you be flattered by that as a woman?

yeah yeah he's good looking both of those guys are good looking yeah but he's saying he might chuck you for something similar to you but maybe with one or two improvements it's good enough man it's good enough isn't it yeah you get your go yeah what's wrong yeah exactly before that you heard a track that i chose for you called seven uh called haven't been yourself lately by a band called 17 evergreen that was also a nice laid back track for a saturday morning

and incidentally if you can be bothered there's a great video for that track on youtube just type in 17 evergreen you should find it by a video making outfit called encyclopedia pictura and you should check out their website as well because their stuff is

Amazing!

It's mind-blowing.

They've got a truly individual video-making style.

Now... I talk like a young person.

Have you noticed that?

I don't understand what you're saying, Alan.

I'm fine with you.

I think you're going to stab me or download me.

I will be if you diss my... chips.

Yeah.

Okay, it's time to go back in time now to 1984, the year of Big Brother, George Orwell and all that kind of business.

Yeah.

Yeah, and this is a session track by The Smiths.

Have you heard of The Smiths?

Never heard of them.

They've got a sort of a grumpy lead singer with a quiff that lives in LA, group Morrissey.

Lots of Japanese girls really fancy him.

And this is a track called How Soon Is Now and it was recorded for the Peel Sessions on Radio One on the 1st of August 1984.

BBC music.

Classic BBC session track.

I am the sun and the air All the shyness that is gonna love me for me I am the sun and the air I am nothing but the in-particular I am the church and I am everything I know about things that are

Just like everybody else does I am the song

I'm a shyness that is criminally vulgar I am the summoner of nothing in particular I am the summoner of nothing in particular I am the summoner of nothing in particular I am the summoner of nothing in particular I am the summoner of nothing in particular I am the summoner of nothing in particular I am the summoner of nothing in particular

It's a club you'd like to go You'd kick me at somebody and they'd hear about you So you go and you stand on your own

You said it's gonna happen now But when exactly do you mean?

I'm going back the wrong way

Many of the BBC's radio programmes have podcasts which you can download and listen to whenever and wherever you like.

Hello friends, you're listening to The Chris Evans Podcast, where we serve you breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one easy to swallow array of audio delights.

This is another doozy for fighting talk.

This is Five Live.

We want your nominations for sports men you reckon would look best in stockings and suspenders.

BBC Asian Networks.

Love Bollywood.

This gives you all the stereotypes, all kind of sugar-coated.

I'll give this one 9 out of 10.

Rani Mukherjee, you're a star.

BBC podcasts are free.

To find out more, go to bbc.co.uk slash podcasts.

She said slash podcasts.

She's a naughty lady.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

Before that trail you heard The Smiths with a session track recorded for John Peel on the 1st of August 1984 called How Soon Is Now.

You might have heard that before.

It's one of their big smasharoons.

It was used on a jeans advert.

Yeah, yeah.

Well when that track was out, I remember when we were at school, that was a favourite track of some of the Bully Boys.

Well, you know, the bully boys bullied me, but I bought that track on 12inch.

Maybe to show that I was cool as well.

You know, bullies often like good music.

Well, bullies are conflicted, aren't they?

They're not angry with you, they're angry with themselves.

You know, because the Nazis, they were into some good music.

Were they?

Yeah, Wagner, that kind of stuff.

Fair enough.

It's good stuff, but they were bullies.

You know.

What's your point?

I don't know.

Also I remember some of the bullies at school used to be into music that I scorned at the time and now I love it.

Jesus and Mary Chain?

Actually I never got into the Jesus and Mary Chain.

I was thinking mainly of Van Morrison, some of the hippie bullies.

Oh they weren't bullies, they were just confused.

They bullied me.

They were just tired.

They were bullying me.

They were overtired.

There's a difference between being a bully and being overtired because you've been up late listening to hippie music.

Smoking Rollies.

Nation's favourite feature?

Yes please.

Text the nation!

Text!

Text the nation!

What if I don't want to?

Text the nation!

But I'm using email.

Is that a problem?

It doesn't matter!

Text!

Oh, that's got the stench of tea time about it.

What are you talking about?

It sounds like something from 15 to 1.

Yeah, that's true.

Or, can I have a pee please Bob?

What was that called?

Blockbusters.

It sounds, you know, sort of like a tea time sound.

Quiz, tea time quiz sound.

Yeah.

Which is appropriate because it is a sort of a tea time quiz because it's Saturday morning time for tea and it's a quiz.

But it's not.

A quiz.

It's not a quiz, it's in no way a quiz or a competition of any kind.

No, that's true, that's true.

Because if it were, we would immediately be vaporized.

And in fact the other inaccuracy about it is we're not asking you to text this week because this show's pre-recorded.

Shh, don't tell anyone who's just tuned in.

Yeah.

Because they can believe that it's live.

But it's actually pre-recorded and we simply will not receive your texts.

No, it's a temporal impossibility.

Do you know what I mean?

Unless you had invented some kind of time shifting device.

It's possible with our calibre of listeners.

Yeah.

But you know we set this feature up in last week's show.

We asked you to send us in examples of childhood misconceptions.

Things that you got wrong about the world when you were a little kid, right?

Adam you were talking about how you believed until quite recently that Concord travelled at the speed of light.

Not until quite recently.

Well, how recently?

Well I was in my teens and I was around 14 still believing that Concord travels at the speed of light.

Yeah.

Which was a little humiliating and I got in an argument and was of course sussed all over the shop about it because it travels or it travelled at the speed of sound.

I believed when I was a kid that Bob Dylan and Dylan Thomas were the same people.

Yeah.

Which, that's not that far-fetched, is it?

They're both kind of shambolic, crazy-haired poets.

I think... My parents had a seven inch of a Bob Dylan poem.

No, you see, it's still happening.

My parents had a seven inch of a Dylan Thomas poem, so I assumed that he was a singer.

Right.

Bob Dylan, Dylan Thomas, easy mistake to make.

I thought that temping agencies

distributed tampons right temp tamp tampon temping i thought that the girl on the on the kelly girl advert on the side of the bus walking confidently down a street in in a trouser suit jacket was confident because she was well

padded nice under areas and Just these are just examples listeners.

I when I went when my mum took me for the first time to Wimbledon common I was terrified that I'd encounter a Womble Terrified.

Yeah Well, I had no idea how big they'd be.

Yes, because in the on the telly they're they're the size of giant people and

It just blew my mind, cos I was literally expecting a womble.

You know, and I thought, well, will it really be old Felty or, you know... Had you not seen them on Top of the Pops playing Remember You're a Womble?

Yes!

Therefore I believe they existed.

OK.

I just didn't understand what they'd be like.

Yeah.

Because I knew that when adults turned animals into children's things, they made them soft and cuddly.

So I thought, what would a real womble be like?

Oh, I see, yeah.

You know, like scaly and stinking breath.

Stinking, collecting rubbish.

As everyone knows, wombles are actually just tramps.

Yeah.

Who collect rubbish.

Eco tramps man, they were way ahead of the curve with the eco message.

So anyway thank you to everybody who's emailed in over the last week with their childhood misconceptions.

Do you want a couple hear from our listeners Adam?

Yeah I'd love to hear some.

Okay this is from Rachel Kiddie.

She says, dear Adam and Joe, when I was 24, I was in the doctor's surgery waiting room when a little boy came up to me and asked what was wrong.

I said I had the flu.

I asked him what was wrong with him and he said he had German measles.

I laughed at his sweet little mispronunciation and kindly informed him that he'd meant to say germs and measles.

His mum then shook her head gently and told me that no, he was right.

I thought germs and measles made much more sense, as in, oh, I've got germs and measles and all sorts.

Ooh, I'm in a terrible way.

I got German measles you know.

24 she was.

24.

That's pretty good Rachel.

That's great.

Here's another one.

Hello Adam, hello Joe.

This is from Scott Spencer.

When I was around six years old I was taken to the park by my slightly older uncles.

The three of them must have been between 11 and 16 years old.

For an impressionable child like myself this was a very exciting experience.

It was the first time I'd been in the park after dark unaccompanied by an adult.

In the park we met a group of my uncle's friends who were introduced to me as Dexies Midnight Runners.

I'll spare you the details but we messed about and did the kinds of things you'd expect kids to get up to in a park at night with no adults around.

From this point on I was convinced I'd met Dexies Midnight Runners in the park at the end of my road.

Whenever anybody mentioned Dexies I'd relate the story of how I'd met them.

It seemed to me totally credible.

To back this up they did live kind of locally to me in Birmingham.

It was dark but I'm sure they were wearing dungarees.

It wasn't until I was well into my 20s that I began to question the truthfulness of my introduction.

Yam yam, my uncles had given me.

I began to doubt it was Dex's midnight runners that I'd met that night.

There you go.

Well, is he absolutely sure it wasn't?

Well, I think it probably couldn't have been, right?

I don't know, when he was around six he doesn't tell us how old he is now.

That's a strange lie to tell to a child.

No, it's just the kind of thing you would, I can see that happening.

Because as adults you're perfectly comfortable with speaking in terms of analogy and metaphor and just introducing a friend as, oh this is Margaret Thatcher.

Yeah, Superman.

There's a kitty.

What?

Superman?

That's good.

So there's a couple.

We've got lots more coming up but maybe we should have some music first.

Yes, this is a track from The Go Team.

It's called Wrath of Maris and it's out on the 26th of November.

It's from their album Proof of Youth.

Check it out.

We're just gonna let go

In the confusion and resolution, camera down Take a second, look, look, follow through the glass We'll rock when we're gone, we'll make it from the shower Hit the boom, boom, jiggy, blow it, you wanna go Stop, stop, delay, everything's over Change of the heat now, cause it could be a last day

I'm tired and you're sick and I'm deep in the dark We run into another but you still can't stop

It's a diaspora, watch your back door once I can Take a second, look, look, I'm a little fat Now I'm rocking, you rock with me, keep up the show Hear the boom, boom, there you go with you on the floor Stop, stop the delay, everything's all okay Turn the heat up, cause the gooey in that state

They sound like a kind of charming youth orchestra, don't they, the Go Team?

Yeah, that was the Go Team with a track called Roth of Maris.

I've noticed something pop-culturally, Adam, and it's something I am calling primary school chic.

Right.

Yeah.

I've coined that phrase.

And it's spreading through the media like wildfire.

It's evident in that Go Team track.

It's also evident in almost every commercial on TV.

The latest thing seems to be to get a group of trendily dressed young adults mixed with children and have them engaged in some kind of street

art kind of collective art performance oh yeah like there's one advert where a whole bunch of people roll multi-coloured ribbons out of windows and down streets you've seen that one seen that one there's the orange ones where the stupid gypsy mental woman makes does the sort of cardboard cutout caravan show have you seen that one with like clouds on strings there's another one where a whole family of idiots

Create giant telephones out of furniture and stuff.

Have you seen that one?

Yeah, and there's another there's another one But this it like all adverts seem to be about like community groups getting together and doing Something kind of fey and arty and pointless in the street There's some Iden's for channel 5 where they shoot them from above and it's loads of people making the shape of like a person walking along you know what I mean?

They're all holding hands.

It's all about working together.

It's all about the environment all these key buzzwords, and it's also about

buying stupid rubbish right mainly buying rubbish but you know it would be wrong for me to um you know include the go team in that kind of thing because they're not a cynical bunch of advertisers they're artists and they've merely been pollined by that dreadful advertising movement um but there we go uh the go team with roth of maris this is adam and joe on bbc6 music uh it's time for some more music this time from the pigeon detectives this is called i found out

I found out you're going out with him You will not believe the state I'm in

I guess that I'm just no good for you, for you, for you She said that my chances been angle

I've been in the same clothes far too long I guess that I'm just smoking for you

There you go, that's the Pigeon Detectives with I Found Out.

That's being re-released on the 12th of November because the first time it came out, you idiots didn't realise that it was amazing.

It just totally went in one ear and out the other.

But in the interim,

you found out that they're... You're being given a second chance by record-buying publics.

Think yourselves lucky.

This is your last chance.

If you don't make it hit now, then it's just your stupid fault.

Do you think, uh, have bands re-released singles more than once?

Uh, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, very, very famous ones have.

Yeah, I guess, like after years and years.

But you mean it as an attempt to make it into a hit?

Yeah.

A band that just will not give up.

They won't accept the truth.

Every three months they just re-release the same song.

Yeah, the same song.

Why not just use that as an approach to the whole industry?

Come on, public!

The adverts will just get bigger and bigger.

Marketing spend larger and larger.

They should do that with films.

I guess it's not financially practical, is it?

No.

It isn't.

But there we go, the pigeon detectives.

They've had a brilliant summer.

Loads of smashing performances at festivals.

That's a word young people use, isn't it?

Smashing.

Smashing, yes they do.

And they've done really well and well done and all that stuff.

Now we're in the middle of text the nation, even though we're not accepting texts, only emails.

And the subject this week has been misconceptions as a child.

Things that you kind of got wrong-headed when you were a kid.

Couple of the ones that I had I've talked about this before but the phrase going through it with a fine tooth comb Yeah, now.

I like many people Do with toothed and tooth yeah?

Yeah, yeah like a Misconception or just something you don't don't didn't didn't sort of know the truth about the same thing really well I I thought they were I thought it was a fine tooth comb.

Do you know what I mean uh-huh and I I'm what was it?

What's a tooth comb?

Yeah, it's like, why do you need a comb for your teeth?

And many people still say it today, you know, I'm going through it with a fine tooth comb.

Really?

You're using a tooth comb there.

And of course the real phrase is it's a fine toothed comb.

Here's one from Matt Garner.

Thanks for emailing Matt.

He says, Hey, good to hear you back on the radio.

Hey, thanks, Matt.

Hey, I just heard your plea for misconceptions for next week's show.

And this isn't one of my... I don't know why I'm reading your email in this voice, Matt.

I'm going to continue.

It's not one of my own, but I can pass on something my wife let slip the other day.

I'm going to stop the voice now.

It was only when watching a recent Nigella Lawson TV programme, in which La Lawson made honeycomb as a gift for the hosts of a dinner party she was to attend, that my wife realised that honeycomb, of the type one finds in crunchy bars etc, is not in actual fact a bee derived product.

Apparently she had wondered how the bees made it so small.

That's good.

Now if I caught my girlfriend making a like a miss whatever it is conception like that I'd be very happy but somehow for one's wife to do it to be married and for that to happen isn't that must be extra brilliant.

Yeah that must be quite a good you know a bit of ammunition.

Exactly you can you can get a couple of years of teasing out of that.

Exactly.

Another one that I had when I was younger

was I lived in Wales for a time, okay, and in the morning we would all say the Lord's Prayer.

Our Father who art in heaven.

At school you mean?

Yeah.

Not in your house?

No, at school.

You weren't like Carrie White?

No, no I wasn't.

And we would all say the Lord's Prayer and it would be, you know, mainly in a Welsh accent because most of the students were Welsh.

so our father who art in heaven allow it to be thy name and as the Welsh and yes and the head boy at that point in this little primary school where I was was called

Right?

And I thought that we were saying, our Father who art in heaven, Allah be thy name.

Because I was like, whoever gets to be head boy, they get their name inserted into the Lord's Prayer.

For like massive Jesus props.

And I was thinking, I wish that was me.

I wish I could be head boy, our Father who art in heaven, Adam be thy name.

Yeah?

Thy kingdom come.

I was thinking, then I'd be the king!

And of course I was gutted to find out that it was no such thing.

It was always Halloween.

Wow.

So it's actually saying that that would be God's name, isn't it?

Yeah, it was basically.

So you thought that God took the name of whoever the head boy of... Yeah, or the head boy becomes divine in some way.

Wow.

Rob lived in a box by the rails Only thing he knew is you don't fail When you live in a box by the rails Don't comb your hair, don't comb your tail

Sweep my mess away, leave my body, leave my bones Leave me whole and leave my soul Leave me nothing I don't need at all Nothing I don't need at all

He ate from the bins in the park Stayed out with the rats after dark Never left the trail, never made his mark When he ate with the rats after dark Calling on his friends, never made him sad Didn't want the things he never had It only made them feel so bad For having the things he never had Sweep my mess away, leave my body, leave my bones Leave me holding, leave my soul, leave me nothing

If you stay in that box overnight and don't get out till it gets light There's not much lost in a secret life that's never done wrong and it's never done right Now some more flowers grow and the corn gets eaten by a few more crows And an old man's box is full of bones, won't see his footprints in the stone

Sweep my mess away, leave my body, leave my bones Leave me whole and leave my soul Leave me nothing, I don't need it all Nothing, I don't need it all Sweep my mess away, leave my body, leave my bones Leave me whole and leave my soul Leave me nothing, I don't need it all Nothing, I don't need it all

Adam and Joe from Six Music.

No fun for my faith No fun

Feelin' that same old way No fun to hang around Or freak out For another day No fun for my baby

No fun, no fun to be alone.

Walking by myself, no fun to be alone.

In love with nobody else.

Go home

I said I'd be alone.

For no fun.

Well, I said, well, I said, come on, right?

I feel

Now it's time for the six music news.

Digital radio.

Digital TV.

BBC six music.

Acclaimed pupils are suffering because of poor teachers.

Winehouse husband charged by police and three dead in Chinese supermarket stampede.

And in six music news arrest and Ramones manage a murder case and Robbie makes a mint.

BBC six music.

ABC News at 10.30, I'm Callum May.

Morning.

Heads need to get rid of around 17,000 teachers in England and Wales because they're not good enough.

That's what a top government schools advisor is saying.

Sir Cyril Taylor claims around half a million children are missing out on a proper education.

Bad teachers and they don't push you and you have to constantly ask them, miss, can you help me, miss, can you help me constantly?

They don't teach you properly, let's put something on the board, tell you to write it down.

They listen, they ask your opinion, the class respects them for it and if there's no respect then no one wants to learn.

The government insists teachers are better trained than ever and most parents and pupils are happy.

Amy Winehouse's husband's been charged with trying to pervert the course of justice.

Blake Fielder's civil and another man are due before magistrates in London this morning.

Police are still questioning one other person.

They've released two more on bail.

Reporter Paul Moss is following this for Six Music.

What I understand is that this relates to an alleged attempt to stop a witness appearing in a different court case.

There's a suggestion that this involved an alleged attempt to pay him money.

Or her.

In other six music news, six American soldiers and three Afghan troops have been killed in an ambush in eastern Afghanistan.

They were attacked with rocket-propelled grenades.

A top Muslim leader says the government created an uneasy atmosphere with its approach to terrorism.

Muhammad Abdul Bari wants people to think more about the positive aspects of Muslim culture.

Paramedics in England and Scotland are asking to be given stab-proof vests.

They say they want better protection from violent attacks.

The drinks industry blasted a new group being set up to campaign on the health effects of alcohol.

The new Alcohol Health Alliance thinks taxes are the best way of stopping people boozing.

And three people have died in China as they rushed into a supermarket to stock up on cheap cooking oil.

31 other shoppers were injured when they slipped over and were crushed in the stampede in Chongqing City.

With 6Music News, here's Andre Payne.

BBC 6Music.

An arrest has been made over the murder of ex-Ramones manager Linda Stein.

6Music's Lucia Doherty has more.

Stein's personal assistant has been arrested and is being held in New York with charges pending.

According to the New York Times, Natavia Lowry made statements implicating herself, saying her boss just kept yelling at her.

Stein was found dead in her home in October.

Elton John is reportedly planning a concert in her memory.

Robbie Williams made £32 million in nine months last year, according to documents at Company's house.

Robbie's firm made the payment to him from his world tour earnings.

He performed to about 2.6 million fans in 14 countries.

And then finally, the Academy Is were among the winners at the Woodies in New York.

The band performed at the College Music Network Awards, and they picked up the viral Woody for creating a buzz on the internet, but the Shins won nothing despite being nominated for three Woodies.

There's six music news, there's more news at 11.30.

closer to the music that matters.

Adam and Joe.

Wow, that's amazing.

That was the Teardrop Explodes with Reward, the Sailor Moon Joe on BBC6 music.

That's just got me all fired up.

It was exciting.

They're a great band.

Yeah.

And what a terrific name.

Uh huh.

Capturing a tiny moment there.

It was from a comic book wasn't it?

Was it?

Yeah.

Brilliant.

Anyway there you go.

This is Adam and Jo here on 6music from the big British castle, the BBC.

Yes it's our new Saturday morning show.

Now if you're podcast fans, maybe you listened to one of the podcasts we did for previous

bad radio stations, then we should let you know that we are working on doing a podcast of this show.

We're talking to people at BBC Worldwide.

It will be a free podcast and at the moment we're thinking about doing kind of like a fortnightly digest, right?

Yeah I think that's the idea.

Like a digest but with extra new stuff as well.

Yeah it'll have new stuff in it but you know uh be patient because the longer we leave it the higher quality it'll be.

The more nutritious it'll be.

Exactly.

Now we're in the middle of uh text the nation which this week of course is email the nation as this show is should be recorded but just pretend it's live it's fine.

Uh and we were asking you for your childhood misconceptions stuff that you believed as a child that you now realize was stupid.

Are you ready for some more, Adam?

Yes, please.

This is from Imogen in Cambridge.

She says she's a long time Adam and Jo Show podcast listener.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Childhood misconceptions.

My sister used to get confused between Michael Jackson and John Major.

Michael Jackson and John Major?

I think the reason was they both have J and M in the initial.

She said that she must have been at least under 10 because the Prime Minister was still John Major during that time.

That's very bizarre.

Isn't it strange?

Do you know who I think John Major looks very like?

Who?

Mark Hamill.

You're right.

If there was a young, a film and you needed kind of like a young John Major, it doesn't work time, because they're probably about similar ages probably.

Yeah.

But, you know, Mark Hamill would have been a brilliant choice in the late 70s to play a young John Major.

That's true.

Well, are you talking pre or post car crash Mark Hamill?

Well, the car crash happened between Star Wars and Empire, didn't it?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I don't know because part of the thing is the top lip that makes him look like John Major and maybe that was slightly damaged in the crash.

Yeah, there you go.

So I don't know there, Adam.

Interesting little point there.

Here's another one.

Youthful misconceptions.

A friend of mine Lucy, this is from Andrew Davey in Chester, a friend of mine Lucy got a song lyric very wrong.

When they were young they thought that a particular song had the lyrics it's my party and I'll cry if you want me to.

As a result she would go up to her friends at parties and say would you like me to cry because she thought it might be etiquette.

No, she did not.

I don't believe that one, do you?

Don't know.

Read it out, didn't I?

Here's one from Simon.

Hello.

When I was young and lived in West Bromwich, I used to get confused whenever my auntie said she was going to the market in Walsall.

I always thought she was going to Warsaw in Poland instead.

You know I used to have a tough time with when people would say say when and I didn't understand if I was supposed to say that's fine thank you or if I was supposed to actually say when right because I was thinking like why you wouldn't say the actual word when because that doesn't make any sense but what so sometimes I would just not say anything until like the people would just carry on saying say when

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Tricky situation there.

We got some quite strange ones to be honest.

Craig in Rettl says I used to think that diluted taste on the side of squash bottles meant that it went out of date in July.

That's just a complete non-sequitur.

Diluted taste.

John Packham from Hartlepool says up until the age of 34 I believe that if I unscrewed my belly button my bum would fall off.

But you know what?

They're just silly, those ones.

Yeah, they're ludicrous.

And I'm not going to read them out.

Well done.

Thank you.

Alright, it's time for more music.

This is one of your choices, Adam, isn't it, Mr. Clarinet?

What is this, some kind of new children's record?

Well, no, we were talking about music that the bullies enjoyed earlier on, right?

This was one that the bullies loved.

They loved The Birthday Party.

That was Nick Cave's, one of Nick Cave's early bands, if not his first band.

and this is a track that I came to very late on in life.

I only just heard it, well, a couple of years ago actually, on one of the Rough Trade box sets, but it's a smash.

Hope you enjoy it.

It's called Mr. Clarinet by The Birthdays.

There is my pillow up straight Her white stockings and red dress that goes swish, swish, swish around her legs of lace

Oh, Mr. Clay, let me come to dance.

It's gone a bit nutty there at the end.

Someone was trying to kickstart a moped during that, weren't they?

It's kind of an enjoyable gothic cacophony there from Nick Cave and The Birthday Party.

Certainly one of the songs that made me into a caveman.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay then.

This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.

It's our Saturday morning show.

We're going to wrap up our Text the Nation, which of course isn't Text the Nation this week because we're reading emails that you sent to us during the week.

Here's one from Bill who's aged 37 and a half in Derby in the UK.

And this, Adam, is I think a misconception that you had until very recently.

One of many.

Hi lads.

One of mine was that I didn't realise that the Republic of Ireland was not a part of the UK until I was about 20.

That's a badly constructed sentence with hilarious ambiguity but I can't be bothered to rewrite it.

You know what I mean though.

The realisation that it was an entirely separate political entity really twisted my box up.

I just never thought to question it.

It was obviously part of the UK.

It's part of the British Isles after all.

Now I believe that you had some Ireland problems as well.

No I did I think I had a bit of an argument about it on a plane once.

Did we?

Yeah luckily there was someone there to back me up.

I've screened that one out of my memory box.

I think it was either that you thought the whole of Ireland was British.

That's right I don't think you realised that Ireland was its own country, its own nation state.

Is it absolutely necessary to bring this up?

Yeah because you know some little bit of me is really happy

Yeah, of course it is.

He's getting its revenge.

Oh my god.

So there we go.

Here's another one.

Oh, that one's a bit tricky.

I don't think I can read that out.

It's to do with the disease AIDS and a misconception about that and it's just not fluffy enough for a Saturday morning.

You can't say that!

Alright then.

Dear Adam and Joe, as a young child in the late 80s I was undoubtedly not alone in being scared witnessed by the television campaign for AIDS awareness.

Obviously there's nothing funny about the AIDS virus but it's likely that a few others misunderstood the information supplied to safeguard oneself against the disease in the same way that I did.

As I remember, a lot of emphasis was placed on the possibility of transferring the illness by sharing a toothbrush.

However, at the time, I understood this to mean that by sharing a toothbrush, you created the virus.

I remember being at cub camp and jumping onto the back of a fellow cub who had accidentally picked up my toothbrush thinking it was his.

He thought it would be fun to hold onto the toothbrush and keep it out of my reach.

I thought I was saving him from the AIDS virus.

As I hung on and tried to grab back my toothbrush, the little legs of my fellow cub gave way.

He fell!

His face collided with the communal sink of the cub camp toilets.

While he went to hospital to have the retina reattached to his left eye.

No.

Aquila and me had a little chat about AIDS.

Aquila.

And about how I had done little to protect the health of my friend.

That's from Peter Green in Saffron Walden.

Peter Green from Fleetwood Mac.

You notice how I just you know, I didn't make a big deal out of the fact that you didn't know how to pronounce our Kayla I just glossed over it.

That's a person's name though.

It could be pronounced the way I said it.

No, it couldn't.

There's no possible way He's got a little PS though as well here.

He says that as a child I thought that Roy Castle of kids TV program record breakers and celebrated trumpet player had lost his hair because he blew his trumpet too hard

Well, that might be true.

But the whole toothbrush sharing thing, I don't think you can get AIDS from sharing a toothbrush anyway.

So he was wrong on all those counts.

But my commiserations, especially to the chap who lost his retina.

You sound proud that you can confidently say he's wrong.

Yeah.

Good.

Well, am I going to find out that you can get it from sharing a toothbrush?

No, no, no, you're right.

It's wrong.

That is definitely wrong.

A couple more, or is that it?

Yeah, go on.

Hit me with one more.

Okay.

Hi Adam and Joe, this is from Dawn Wilson from Western Australia, brackets, the home of evil.

Not sure why she's put that in but there we go.

I remember as a child looking at photographs of the Earth from space and imagining that we lived inside it and that the outer edge of the sphere, which I now know to be the Earth's surface, was the sky that we look up at.

Yeah.

This memory came flooding back to me the other day when my seven-year-old daughter commented that we live inside the earth when she looked at a globe of the world.

That seems to me quite a lovely misconception.

Yeah, that is.

That's nice and poetic.

Of a dreamer.

Oh, she's saying that it's the home of evil because last week we were talking about me doing the Australian satanic preacher guy.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

So that's a lovely one, Dawn and Robert, whoever, which one of you thought that.

Dawn, thanks for sending that in and thanks to everybody who texted us with their childhood misconceptions.

No, didn't text us, emailed us during the week.

We'll have another superb text the nation next week.

Yeah, we're going to let you know what the subject is before the end of this show so you can start getting your... Sorry, but I said it was superb.

Well what's wrong with superb?

That's the kind of thing DJs do isn't it?

They call their own segments superb.

Listen.

It's acceptable on the radio that kind of casual wrong self aggrandizement.

We'll have another disastrous kind of stumbly text the nation next week.

Gotta big up yourself man, that's what it's all about.

Right, what have we got now?

We've got a new band.

We think they're new because we haven't heard of them.

They're called Glas Vegas.

A brilliant conjunction of Glasgow and Vegas.

Yeah exactly because the lead singer feels that the Glaswegian accent has its own kind of Hollywood poetry.

Glamour.

You know?

Glamour.

This is a track called Daddy's Gone.

How you're never here though Remember times when you'd put me on your shoulders How I wished it was forever you would hold us Oh oh, right now I'm too young to know How in the future it will affect me when you go Oh oh, you could have had it all You, me and mum, you know everything was possible I won't be the lonely one sitting on my

Forget your dad, he's gone Forget your dad, he's gone

There was a kakabu in the park For you here is me home and it was nearly getting dark How I could have been yours and you be mine I could have been me and you until the end of time Only when you are, when you are Be as off and sincere as you can We'll guide the way inside to treat you well If you see your son and son are these But why is that

I won't be the lonely one sitting on my own inside.

Forget your daddy's gone.

He's gone

I won't be the lonely one sitting on my own inside A fifty year old reminiscing what I had I won't be the lonely one sitting on my own inside Forget your dad, he's gone Forget your dad, he's gone He's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone

He's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone He's gone, he's gone, he's gone

Adam and Jones on 6music.

be a dar be a baby dar

No more dreams or mystery cards No more sight to bring you down I got a crazy God upon my mind My mind's always too full to see Feelin' time and a restless mind Then these words go up on repeat I said, n-n-n-n-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c

You're a mystery now

And I'm gonna hit the floor

Neat Neat Neat by the Damned there.

This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music.

Man this morning we're playing nothing but music that was listened to by people we didn't like when we were young.

That's true that was another favourite with the bullies wasn't it?

Yeah with the naughty bullies.

And their winkle picker shoes.

Yeah Adam and I were sort of soft theatrical types at school and our lives were made of misery by tougher kids.

Mainly your life actually.

Mainly my life yeah.

Who smoked and wore winkle pickers and listened to

Scary music.

Yeah.

And they've all turned out to be very nice though.

That's the thing about bullies, you know, is that if you just give them about ten years they generally shape up.

Yeah, exactly.

They're upset with themselves more than they are you.

Yeah, that's right.

That's what I didn't realise at the time.

Listen, two more quick childhood misconceptions, alright?

Two more quick ones.

Yeah, this is from our Text the Nation feature and yeah, let's polish it off with these two.

Yeah, okay, this is from Michael Smith in Norwich.

He says, I was watching Police Academy the other day and for the first time ever I realised that Sergeant Lavelle Jones, the actor Michael Winslow, doesn't actually do all of those crazy sound effects from out of his mouth.

Wait a second!

Well, exactly.

I felt broken.

I'm not sure about it though.

Maybe he really did.

Did he?

Thanks Michael Smith.

So this isn't a childhood misconception.

This is something that Michael and Adam Buxton are still struggling with.

Did Sergeant Lavelle Jones from Police Academy really make those noises?

Well obviously yes.

Why?

Because you think that if he didn't it would just be cheating?

Well yes, what's the point otherwise?

Well, you could equally say like, what's the point in pretending that, you know, David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear if it didn't?

It's a bit different, come on.

Is it?

If the guy's whole stock in trade is the fact that you can mangle his voice to make amazing sounds.

What if they discovered there was an actor with this capability, they wrote him into the script but then to make some plot points work he had to do some sounds that he couldn't actually do.

So in early scenes he's really doing them but by the climax of the film when it comes down to gunshots to chase the gangs away remember?

Or megaphone, you know, feedback.

Maybe they popped some foley in.

I mean it's true obviously that they would have had to re-record a lot of stuff anyway because they couldn't have used the original sound.

But I would think that they would... But it would still be him making the noises.

Exactly.

In an EDR booth.

That's right.

You can't fake that kind of stuff!

The police academy scandal!

That would take the whole franchise down.

Yeah we don't, we can't answer that for you Michael.

Get off come on that one.

I would say in my long experience in the movie business having made all the films I have, I would say that it's probably a mix of the two.

Mix of the two, well listen.

I wouldn't put it past them.

Who is that message from?

Michael Smith in Norwich.

Listen Mike, I'm with you, I'm heartbroken.

There's his number actually.

I'm gonna, yeah.

Give him a call, talk it through.

We'll chat about it.

You can have a drink and cry together.

Make funny noises.

Here's another quick one.

This is from Dawn Wilson.

No, hang on.

It's the wrong one.

Don't read Owen Wilson's one.

That was entirely pornographic.

Ross in Edinburgh.

He says, on my first day in college, at the age of 20, we were shown into a lecture theatre designed in the late 1970s.

The carpet didn't stop at the edge of the floor, but went up the walls as well.

I was just about to blurt out to my new friends that this must be what they mean by wall-to-wall carpeting, a phrase I'd heard as a child and never understood.

The misconception had remained unchallenged in my brain for all those years.

I'll tell you one final misconception from me right this was quite a humiliating one until I was about 13 or maybe 14 again 14 was a momentous year a lot of things were explained to me finally but I believed that it was possible for adults to procreate via asexual reproduction as well as sexual reproduction

i.e.

fertilise themselves.

Exactly.

So it was the choice of every woman whether she would reproduce with another person.

Or she could just, you know, if she wanted to have a baby she could just concentrate really hard and then she'd get one.

Okay, that's the cliffhanger.

We're going to have some music by the zombies.

She's not there and we'll come back to your mad misconception.

People cry.

But it's too late to say you're sorry.

How would I know?

Why should I care?

Please don't bother trying to find her.

She's not there.

Well, let me tell you about the way she looked.

The way she had tanned the color of her hair.

Her voice was soft and cool.

Her eyes were clear and bright.

Well no one told me about her What could I do?

Well no one told me about her Though they all knew But it's too late to say you're sorry How would I know?

Why should I care?

Please don't bother trying to find her She's not there

The way she had to have the color on

BBC Six Music

BBC Six Music.

Closer to the music that matters.

You'll have to get right out of this mess Out of all this mess You'll say yeah to anything If you believe all this mess Don't cry, don't do anything No lies back in my government No tears, party time is here again

you

from the right It's so heavily advertised that he wants you and I It's a real cowboy sin electric company Every day in happy days it's hell without the sin

Tears, body time is here again President Gasses are for President

Let's go.

That was yet another favourite of the tough chaps when we were at school.

The tough chaps.

That was the psychedelic furs with President Gass' Adam and Joel and BBC6 music.

President Gass.

I know.

That's, you know, a president that's been eating badly.

He's got gas.

He talks nothing but gas.

Exactly.

He's only interested in gas, which is American for fuel, which is oil.

That's all they care about.

That's right.

Psychedelic furs hitting the nail on the head there.

Absolutely!

That was my little impression of Rick Buckler.

Now before the top of the hour listeners Adam revealed an extraordinary fact that up until the age of 14 he believed that women were capable of asexual and sexual reproduction therefore could choose between mating with a man or somehow self pollinating

Yeah, how would they do this?

How would they self pollinate?

Did you what you would?

it would not always happen, but there would be cycles and In the correct.

Yeah, what do you mean?

Well, you know like lady cycles.

Yeah lady so you knew about lady cycles, but you

didn't know no no I didn't necessarily know about lady cycles but I had some kind of notion that there was a cycle and so so so at a certain time you'd wait for the right time and then you'd eat properly and exercise and then you'd concentrate really hard and then if you were very lucky are you just making this up no I swear to you I thought you really thought that if a woman thought really hard she could make herself

Listen I hadn't figured out all the details all I knew I was in a biology class when all this actually came I was gonna say yeah this all came out in a biology class right and We were talking about asexual reproduction in plants and the teacher said you know is there any other kind of species that does reproduce a sexually and I put up my hand I said yes human beings and everyone laughed and I said what what what what's the big joke and

the teacher said a human beings you human beings reproduce a sexually is that what you're saying and I said yeah I mean yeah and so then it was explained to me at humiliating length that that was not the case or human reproduction was necessarily sexual and that was a shock to me and also just embarrassing because I had assumed that my parents had reproduced a sexually and

Mmm, and then you know I had to go home and look my parents in the face, and I just thought you are two absolutely revolting people How could you how could you have done this?

You know I was obviously just a little bit backward about all matters sexual I

Yeah and well you weirdly nowadays of course women can reproduce merely by you have to do a bit more than think about it.

Yeah you have to get some turkey basting equipment and an oiling participant.

But you know, it's a shame.

I still think it would be nice, I think women would agree, it would be nice if you had that option.

You know, just to really eat right, concentrate, and then you're away.

Jelly, maybe if you ate enough jelly babies.

You reckon?

Yeah.

But then maybe you'd actually give birth to a jelly baby.

Jelly baby.

Man that might be quite sweet.

Sorry to go on a little revolting tangent here for you but I saw The Fly 2 the other day.

The Fly 2 is a very good film.

Along with Amityville 2 and Superman 2 it's one of my favourite number twos.

Well that has an absolutely shocking birth scene at the beginning.

Superb.

It's grotesque.

If anybody wants to come to my house and watch a triple bill of Amityville 2, what was the other one I said?

Superman 2 and The Fly 2.

And while we're at it, I might stick The Exorcist 2 on as well.

Well, the style of Empire Strikes Back I guess counts as a number 2.

It hasn't got the number 2 in the title.

Fair enough.

Now let's have some more music.

This is Calvin Harris with Colours.

Now I don't care what you dress like or what you wear.

But please make sure baby You've got some colours in there Now it's all very well stepping out In black and white But you're no girlfriend of mine

Don't care what you dress like Or what you wear But please make sure baby You've got some colours in there Now it's all very well stepping out In black and white

Get some colours up Get some colours up Now I don't care what you dress like Or what you wear

But please make sure baby We've got some colours in there Now it's all very well stepping out In black and white But you're no girlfriend of mine If you're doing that right

Guess who the colors are?

Yeah

Yeah, it's a little abrupt, the ending there.

Calvin Harris with Colours, he got angry there and left.

He's a very tall man and tall people tend to do that.

It says here he has contributed two songs to the new Kylie album.

He must be very, very pleased.

Yes, is that a good thing?

I don't know, who can tell?

She's an icon man, people think she's one of the most important.

I've never understood it.

No, neither have I. Anyway, this is Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music.

It's time to return to Song Wars.

Yes, Song Wars is the segment of the show where we ask you to pick a theme and then we both write songs on that theme and the songs are battled against each other like a couple of musical Beatles.

you kind of vote for them, vote for which one you like best.

It was tough this week because not only were the lyrics not our own, the whole point of this week's one was that they were suggested by a listener, but also we didn't have as much time to create the songs as we normally would.

We didn't have the full week because we're- Excuses, excuses.

We're pre-recording this show.

I just finished mixing my tune, which you'll hear in a second, five minutes before I came into the studio.

Really?

I offer no excuses for my tune.

This is the best I could possibly do.

Well, yeah.

So, have we got our caller on the line?

Hello, Tony.

Hi there.

Hey, now, Tony, listeners, is the gentleman who suggested the lyrics for our songs this week.

So, Tony, we asked you to come up with kind of found text, like text that would be impossible to make sound like a good lyric.

Does that make sense?

Yes, yes.

I was just making some IKEA meatballs in my kitchen quite hungover at the time when I was at your show.

looked down from the end there it was and it even had a title in bold for you don't know if you used it of course but there you go

So it was the instructions to a packet of meatballs, and these are meatballs that you're quite familiar with.

You know, you see these... Yeah, I think there's something wrong with them.

I can't seem to stop eating them.

I'm not really pro at anti-meatballs per se, but... You're sort of addicted to them.

Well that's good.

So therefore, if we have imbued these words with meaning and passion, you're the man who will be able to pick up on it, right?

Well, either me or the head of Pierre, but you're probably the devil to me.

I think you're the man.

You're the absolute ultimate arbiter of the quality of these songs.

You're Dickie Arbiter.

So now, Tony, I want you to listen to, first of all, Joe's track and tell us what you think.

Well, now, hang on.

Wait, wait.

Let's let him listen to both tracks.

We'll come back to you in between them and then tell us what you think after both tracks.

It's more dramatic.

OK.

Trust me.

So here's my track.

Tony, listen carefully to this one.

Place the meat in the bones

Place the meatballs in an ovenproof dish and heat a 225 degrees centigrade for about 15 minutes in a microwave at 700 watts.

Place the meatballs in a bowl without a lid And heat At full power for four to five minutes Stir after half the time I said stir the meatballs after half the time Come on, place the meatballs, eat the meatballs Stir the meatballs, you love meatballs We love meatballs, come on meatballs

You're still there Tony?

Yes, yes.

That's a good sign.

So there I was really trying to go for some passion.

I was trying to go for kind of a stadium rock feel.

I did like it.

It sounds a bit like John Denver goes techno.

It was very, very good.

John Denver goes what?

Techno.

Goes techno.

Oh, disco, sorry.

There's disco.

Okay, thank you very much.

All right, with no further ado, we're going to play you Adam's track now.

This is a bit of a marathon, this track.

Sorry about that.

It's very long.

I should call it a Snickers maybe.

But yeah, see what you think.

Heating instructions from Frozen.

Place the meatballs in an oven-proof dish.

And heat at 225 centigrade for about 50 minutes.

Place the meatballs in a bowl Without a lid Heat them at full power level The meatballs for four to five minutes Stir after half the time

After half the time In a microwave At 700 watts Place the meatballs in a bowl Without a lid

Meatballs, meatballs, frozen, frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, they're frozen Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs Meatballs, meat

So it's a tough choice there, Tony.

You must feel like Simon Cowell having to reject one of two of his own acts at the climax of a particularly exciting episode of The X Factor, do you?

My pants aren't that tight, so no, not really.

Aren't they?

No.

Now yours is not the deciding vote, unfortunately, Tony, but he can have a major influence.

Exactly.

It would be interesting to see which way you're going to go.

In a way, you're a collaborator with us.

You know, you're a lyricist in our respective bands.

Oh no, Ikea have got intellectual property rights, I'm afraid.

That's true, that's true actually.

Well said.

So give us more opinion there, Tony.

I think I'm going to have to go for Adam's, Joe, because I thought it was A, the better tune, and Adam is behind at the moment.

Listen, Tony, I wish you hadn't said that last bit, because now Joe's going to think it's all about sympathy.

No, you know what, I think Adam has the more original take on it.

I do, I think...

I was aiming for Stadium Rock and I felt at the end of the day mine was a bit Deacon Bluey and it does go out of tune very badly towards the chorus.

The bit I'm happy about is the way I say 15 minutes.

I think I'd declaim that with more importance than necessary.

Tony, thank you so much for proffering those lyrics.

No problem.

thanks for listening to the show yeah we really appreciate it cheers tony good to talk to you yeah have a lovely rest of your saturday uh bye bye okay bye lovely tony armstrong there talking to us he provided us with our song lyrics for song wars this week and of course you can vote for which track you think was the best throughout the week you can hear those tracks on the six music website if not immediately then they will be up there in a few days time

so next week we'll be able to tell you which one you thought was the winning track but right now time for some real music this is the king of real music David Bowie of course this is in his in his pre stadium rock days in fact it's the peak of his powers more or less 1971 here's Bowie recording kooks for Bob Harris on radio one enjoy

If you stay in our lover's story If you stay, you won't be sorry Cause we believe in you Soon you'll grow, so take a chance With a couple of cooks Hung up on romancing If you stay in our lover's story If you stay, you won't be sorry Cause we believe in you

Soon you'll grow So take a chance with a couple of cooks Hung up on romancing Bought a lot of things to keep you warm and dry And a funny old grip on which the bait won't try

I bought you a pair of shoes The trumpets you can blow And a book of rules On what to say to people when they dick on you Cause if you stay with us you're gonna be pretty cookie too Will you stay in our lover's story?

If you stay you won't be sorry Cause we believe in you

Soon you'll grow, so take a chance with a couple of coops.

I'm up on Boom and Sing.

And if you ever have to go to school Remember how they messed up this old fool Don't pick fights with the bullets or the cans Cause I'm not much cop at punching other people's dads And if the homework brings you down Then we'll throw it on the fire and take the car downtown

Will you stay in our love and story?

If you stay, you won't be sorry, cause we believe in you

Soon you'll grow, so take a chance with a couple of coops Hung up on roof and sing Will you stay in our lover's story?

If you stay, you won't be sorry Cause we believe in you, yes we do Soon you'll grow, so take a chance with a couple of coops Hung up on roof and sing

Will you stay in the love for story?

Classic stuff there.

That's David Bowie singing Kooks for Bob Harris' show on Radio One.

That's in 1971 he was doing that.

Yeah.

Who would that have been on the bass there?

And singing the harmony?

Do you know?

Ahhh.

You're a Bowie expert.

Who would that have been?

Well it probably a spider, I would think.

One of the spiders.

Although I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

We don't know.

That tests my Bowie knowledge.

Beautiful though.

There we go.

That was the first song I ever learnt how to play on the guitar.

Really?

Yeah, wow sir.

I learned how to play that for my wife very when we got married I played that to her on our wedding day, and it was you were there.

I was there.

Yes.

It was very emotional It was a set of wonderful mixture of poignance Poignance is that a word no.

It's not is it poignancy yes and and embarrassment yeah for all concerned

Now, in just a second, I just started saying that before I even thought about what would happen.

It was just a phrase I was falling back on.

In just a second.

It's a very good phrase.

I'll pick that up for you, Buxton, because that's the charm of a double act.

We're going to be playing you Rakes with We Dance Together, another band that don't have a thee.

They're just rakes, apparently.

And in fact, those couple of seconds have elapsed.

So here it is, Rakes with We Dance Together.

We danced together on the roof of the party Five stories removed from the troubles on the street The sun arose revealing the goosebumps in your arms A sign that we should move together somewhere warm

We danced together, we danced together We moved to the street where they tried to hold curfew And ran among the debris as the bullets flew

Helicopter circled overhead to get better view We found the doorway, fell in and I held you, yeah We dance together We dance together We dance together We dance together We dance together

We dance together We dance together We dance together We didn't give a shit about what they would say We stayed up until the light turned our eyes grey We came to money like it was our last day Two fingers off of those who won't miss us when we pass away

We dance together We dance together on the roof of the party

Now it's time for the 6Music News.

BBC News at 11.30, I'm Callum May.

Around 17,000 teachers in England and Wales should get the sack because they're not up to the job.

That from a top government schools advisor.

Sir Cyril Taylor wants head teachers to start getting rid of those who are underperforming in the classroom.

He reckons around half a million pupils aren't getting a good enough education as a result.

One teacher, Francis Gilbert, says they have to deal with a lot.

They have to cope with parents who often won't support them if they try and discipline a child.

They have to deal with a lot of paperwork that's thrown at them by the government.

They have to deal with head teachers who won't back them up.

The government insists teachers are better trained than ever.

A teenager has appeared in court charged with murdering two women who lived in a care home in Leicester.

Their bodies were found on Wednesday.

Nathan Mann, who's 19, will be back before magistrates on Monday.

In other six music news, a British Muslim leader is accusing the government of fueling tension over terrorism, which is damaging his community.

Mohammed Abdul Barry of the Muslim Council is warning that people's minds could be poisoned, creating a society, he says, like Nazi Germany.

Six American soldiers and three Afghan troops have been killed in an ambush in eastern Afghanistan.

The soldiers were on a foot patrol in the mountains when they were ambushed.

There are calls for all paramedics in England and Scotland to be given stab-proof vests.

Ambulance crews want them for protection against attacks.

And angry words from the drinks industry after a new group started campaigning on the health effects of alcohol.

The new Alcohol Health Alliance thinks taxes are the best way of stopping people boozing.

Jeremy Beadles is a spokesman for the wine trade.

In France, where taxation is low,

instances of weekly binge drinking stand about 8% as opposed to 38% in the UK.

We just don't think that it's actually the route to tackle this.

The Six Music News, Andre Payne.

BBC Six Music.

Well, Amy Winehouse watched tearfully as her husband was remanded in custody a short while ago.

Blake Fielder-Civil appeared at Thames Magistrate's Court charged with perverting the course of justice.

Amy was in the public gallery as Blake and another man were remanded until November the 23rd.

Due to begin a tour at Birmingham NIA on Wednesday, bookies are taking bets on whether she'll make it.

Dizzy Rascal wrapped up his UK tour with a gig in London last night.

He'll also be playing the Capitol on November 17th.

It's a gig for 1,000 runners who took part in the recent supersonic event, and Dizzy ran two.

of like my school days i actually run i'd run for the borough but if i weren't a musician i would have been athlete and finally it's been confirmed that keris matthews and former sex pistols manager malcolm mclaren will appear in i'm a celebrity john leiden slated mclaren on stage the night the reality show starts on monday six music using x bulletins 12 30. ebc sex music closer to the music that matters

You talk, you talk a good game I wish I could talk the same I know song is just a game Forgetting it and cheating at all You talk, I actually talk a good game Won't you teach me the same?

I would love to explain, I'd like to show a hand And all about, oh well I know, I know, I know, I know it's all a show

I just like it when you're looking for a light Right behind your eyes You talk, you talk a good game I wish I could tell you so I know showing is just a game I'm getting good at cheesing out on Utah Remember Utah in the rain

I'm those little red shoes and some kid with the blues Gets right on your wick, you just grin and bear it Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know it's wrong I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so it's got to go I never ever said it was clever I just like it so anyway I've been looking for a light

Like behind your eyes You talk, you talk a good game You talk, you talk a good game You talk, you talk a good game You talk, you talk a good game

I just like it's in looking for the

Bye.

Many of the BBC's radio programmes have podcasts which you can download and listen to whenever and wherever you like.

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This is another doozy for fighting talk.

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10, 10, 15 and we're coming around again Hold on, but we're going soft I've flushed my soul off and we're coming around again Found out and I'm almost drowned Walked back down and we're coming around again If I could talk I'd tell you

Now we're coming around again Half past nine, quarter to ten Fifteen, now we're coming around again Half past nine, quarter to ten Fifteen, now we're coming around again Half past nine, quarter to ten Fifteen, now we're coming around again Half past nine, quarter to ten

My most imaginary friend If I could talk, I'd tell you

I'll let you know if I can talk, I'll tell you Mama, she knows you'll never cry If I can talk, I'll tell you

That's the sound of the Lemonheads, of course, with If I Could Talk, I'd Tell You.

Before that you heard A Fantastic Trail.

Don't confuse it with modern music, it was a trail.

Before that you heard Baby Shambles with You Talk.

And of course if you were eagle-eared with the Baby Shambles track there, you would have heard a little cowbell opening that was an absolute rip of the beginning of Baggy Trousers by Madness.

Maybe it was a conscious nod.

from uh from the uh delightful junkie to to madness i don't know yeah anyway uh folks you're listening to adam and joe here on bbc6 music we're in the final hour of our show here this saturday afternoon uh even though to be frankly honest with you

For us it's Wednesday.

We're pre-recording this program because at the moment I, Adam Buxton, am making my way back from Oxford where last night I was helping Radiohead with their webcast which I will tell you a little bit more about next week perhaps and I might tell you later on in this show a little anecdote connected with that.

But we need some help from you for next week's features, both Text the Nation and Song Wars.

Joe, would you like to... Thanks a lot Adam.

Let's deal with those features one at a time.

And let's deal with Song Wars.

Because we would like you listeners to send us in a subject for next week's Song Wars.

And that subject is this.

We'd like you to send in the name and a character profile of a close friend of yours.

It could be somebody you love or someone maybe you don't like.

We'd like you to tell us their name and say like seven or eight facts about them that we can then turn into the lyrics of a song about that friend.

Exactly.

As if we knew that person and we were writing about them.

You can give these songs to that friend as a special prezi.

Imagine the joy that that would result in.

Yeah.

Adam and who?

Six what?

Did what?

That kind of thing.

You could pretend it was Ant & Dec.

Yeah.

So send in the name of the friend and some facts about them that you think might make good lyrics to adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk That's the email address.

Send them in, you know, in the next few days because we'll be writing this song midweek next week.

So send them in on the Monday or the Tuesday.

And who knows, we could get you on the phone, you could be kind of helping to judge those songs next Saturday, and you could have two songs written by us for your best friend for nothing.

It's like a kind of pathetic service that we're providing, isn't it?

Yeah, that's the idea anyway, you know, if no one...

emails in we might have to change it but that's the plan listen man we could always cheat we could just pretend that someone this is the big british castle there will be no deception of any kind i'm sorry the big british castle and the king of the castle who is what's his name i can't remember is it lord thompson he will not tolerate such scurrilous behavior no fair enough yeah so um and then the other thing we need your help with of course hey man what let's talk about that in the next link

Spread it all out, you mean?

Yeah, spread it all out.

For instance, right now, I say we hear some Reichsop and a track called Epple.

You're pronouncing it Epple, are you?

Epple.

I would pronounce it Epple-ay.

Epple-ay.

Epple-ay

The End

So he doesn't even say the, he doesn't, you know, we get no help from the guy as far as pronunciation goes.

Call that music.

Cause it's all just wibbles and wobbles.

Sounds like a computer malfunctioning.

Now this is Adam and Joe here on BBC6Music and now we're going to ask for yet more help with yet another feature next week's Text the Nation.

That's right next week normal service will be resumed on Text the Nation but we'd like you to suggest... what do we want from them?

We want you, the theme this week, or rather next week, will be what superpowers would you like?

Superpowers, basically.

Superpowers.

What would your choice of superpowers be if you could have one?

You know, do you watch Heroes, Joe?

I watched a bit of Heroes, but word on the street is... Right.

Series 2, down the lav.

Bit of a stinker.

Plummeting down the lav, so I hear.

Right right right well that doesn't surprise me I watched the whole of series 1 struggled a little bit I must say and yeah watched the first episode of series 2 and haven't bothered to return so far just because there's a few too many of those chaps and heroes with powers that are

Just rubbish and not interesting.

What sort of thing are you talking about?

Well, let me see.

There's one woman who has a split personality.

So she looks in the mirror, but the thing is that the split personalities manifest themselves in a physical way.

Do you know what I mean?

So she's like a shapeshifter.

Yeah, like it's it's it's hard to describe recently It's not it's but it's not as simple as being a shape-shifter because shape-shifting is a good power.

She always she's always herself It's always herself, but sometimes it's her evil self and sometimes or not It's not even as straightforward as it being the evil self.

It's like a feisty version of herself and a regular It's just a bit rubbish.

I'm confused.

Yeah, what time what power would you have?

Well, I can't tell you this week.

We're going to find out next week about all the powers.

But we want to know what powers you, the listeners, would have.

And what you would use it for.

Exactly.

So it can be a fairly conventional superpower like a flight or jumping.

Or... That's the only other one I can think of.

off hand.

No, what are the classic powers?

I mean like... X-ray vision.

X-ray vision.

Flying.

Jumping.

Stretching.

I mean that's a bit of a stupid power anyway.

But you get the picture.

Yeah.

So just email us.

The email address once again is adamandjoe at bbc.

What is it?

So wrong.

Adam and Joe.

Adam and Joe?

So please email us immediately with your suggestions.

We'll collect them over the week and read out the best of those next weekend.

Now it's time for a session track.

This was recorded for the John Peel Show on Radio One on the 25th of September 1977.

And this is a track that features in the film Stranger Than Fiction.

I don't know if you saw that.

Will Ferrell in there and there's a little bit in that film where he decides that he's going to learn how to play the guitar and this is the song that he learns how to play.

But don't hold that against it.

It's Reckless Eric with Whole Wide World.

My mama said to me There's only one girl in the world for you And she probably lives in Tahiti Or maybe she's in the Bahamas Where the Caribbean Sea is blue Whipping in a tropical Monday night Because nobody's told about it

Just to find her I thought the whole wide world I thought the whole wide world Find out where they hide her Oh, the whole wide world

I am all hanging around in the rain out here, trying to pick up a gale While all my eyes filling up with these lonely tears, when there's gales all over the well I see lying on a tropical bed somewhere, underneath the tropical sun

Dressing her warm brown skin And then in a year or maybe not quite We'll be sharing the same nest of pen I call the whole wide world I call the whole wide world Just to find her I call the whole wide world I call the whole wide world Find out where they hide her I call the whole wide world I call the whole wide world Just to find her

I know the whole lot well

Adam and Joe's on six music Strength God can find Still wasn't enough

Common sense has to prevail So can I cover you all?

No it's not going to

No, it's not going to happen It's not going to happen

Innocence, common sense Has to prevail So can I cover you up?

No, it's not going to happen It's not going to happen It's not going to happen

It's not going to end.

Shall I carry you on?

No, it's not going to end.

I love King Creusote and that's called Home In A Sentence.

It was released on the 5th of November and before that you heard a session track Reckless Eric with Whole Wide World and this has been Adam and Joe here on 6music on a Saturday morning.

Now next weekend I will tell you a little bit more about my experience with the mighty radio head with whom I was doing a little bit of work last night as you're listening to this.

And last weekend I made the mistake of actually mentioning that I was doing this at all.

Why was that a mistake?

It was supposed to be a secret.

How were they?

So you basically blew the lid on the whole thing.

Yeah.

Without asking permission.

Big mouth.

Because I didn't realise no one said anything to me about it being a secret.

What were they planning?

They were planning to, like, go right up until about an hour before and then announce it on their website, Dead Airspace, so it would just be like a hardcore fan thing.

Right.

Instead, you announced it a week before?

Yeah.

Oh dear.

And what happened when they realised that?

Well I guess they just had to abandon all their surprise plans.

Because you kind of realised that as you said it last week in the show and I could see you looking quite sick and ill.

Yeah I mean I wasn't planning on talking about it but we mentioned the fact that we were going to have to pre-record this show and then you forced me to explain why and then because I just cannot lie, I simply, I can't think on my feet.

Do you know what I mean?

What was their reaction, what did Tom say?

Quickly, quickly, just quickly.

He said it was okay.

He said it wasn't the end of the world.

He was nice about it.

He was nice.

You know, I mean they're nice.

Very angry.

They're a nice bunch of chaps.

You know, that kind of thing works in an inverse way.

Well certainly they're not going to be trusting me with too many more of their secrets I would imagine.

There we go.

This has been Adam and Joe.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks to everybody who texted an email during the week.

We'll be back live with you at 9am next Saturday morning.

Have a great week and all that sort of a business.

Yeah, cheers.

Bye.

You're about to be possessed by the sounds of MC Rawface and DJ Dizzy the Ditchin'.

I wanna rock right now I'm raw bass and I came to get down I'm not internationally known But I'm known to rock the microphone Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous Stay away from me if you're contagious Cause I'm the winner, you're not a loser To be an emcee is what I choose Ladies love me, girls adore me I'm in even the ones who never saw me Like the way that I rhyme at a show The reason why I'm in, I don't know So let's go cause

Adam and Jo and this is Liz Kershaw live from the heart of London's fashionable West End.

BBC.

Six.

Music.

BBC.

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